Small Group Manual By Gregory Chao, 6/27/2010

Elements of a Small GroupA Christian small group is an intentional face to face encounter of no more than 12

people who meet on a regular basis with the purpose of growing in the knowledge and likeness of Christ. (Hestenes and Gorman). Any more than 12 will make the logistic of the group more difficult.

A typical small group will have a time for sharing, Bible study, and prayer each week. Service and ministry projects will come spontaneously as needs arise in the group or can be planned as a special event.1. Fellowship/Sharing - Members share their histories and current concerns. As more

and more trusts develop, the sharing will become deeper and more personal. Confidentiality is absolutely essential within the group.

2. Bible Study - A time of exploring God's Word and learning from it. Key is the application of the Word into our lives.

3. Prayer - Prayer is a key element and it will tie the group together. Member usually pray conversationally and as led by the Holy Spirit.

4. Service and Ministry - Outreach is a natural and necessary part of the Christian life and of group life. Small groups should continually seek opportunities of service as an expression of their life together.

5. (Optional) Worship - Worship is the a key to opening ourselves up to the inner work of the Spirit. When we worship, differences and problems seem to become insignificant, and we become free to love and accept one another. Most important, it is the group's ministry to the Lord.

How to Start a Small Group1. Prepare Yourself - Gain insight through training, books, and other leaders. Pray for

direction and God bringing people right for your group.2. Purpose and Plan - Understand the purpose and plan of the small group; that is, the

goals and elements of the small group (e.g., Bible study, prayer, etc.), duration, and how many weeks the group will meet. Most of these will be taught in the small group training sessions.

3. Recruit members - Contact interested people and share with them your purpose and plan. Announcements will be made in the new members class and Sunday worship. A church wide sign up will be conducted. You can contact people through talking with friends and neighbors. Often, personal contacts are the best.

4. Schedule a first meeting - The first meeting is very important since it will set the tone.

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a. Arrange a meeting. Do not pressure people into joining the group. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead the people.

b. There should be a total group discussion of the purpose and plan for the group with the whole group arriving at a "shared understanding" for the group. Share the covenants (see convenant section)

c. Have a time to get to know one another with some sharing questions or sharing games.

5. Open/Closed - There are pros and cons of open and closed groups to newcomers. Open groups allow growth and keep a welcome spirit in the group. However, when a newcomer arrives, the group has to readjust and it is hard to build trust and intimacy if there are newcomers coming every week. Closed groups can get too inward focused. We will have both types of groups. One type will be open for the first 3-4 weeks and then closed for the remainder to encourage community building. The other type will be open all the time and serve as a newcomers small group. This group will be focused more on Bible study.

6. Environment - A quiet and safe environment for the small group will enable intimacy.

a. Seating - The importance of seating is often underestimated. It is important that you sit in a circle so that you have a clear view of each other. Make sure there is nothing distracting like high background noise or interruptions like the telephone.

b. Size - A good number of people is 12 or less. The larger a group becomes the greater the amount of inequality of member participation. A few will participate heavily while others may not be involved at all. Any group over eight will often have silent partners. The talkative few usually address each other rather than the other members.

c. Time - By experience, a normal amount of time is 1 1/2 or 2 hours. We will be meeting on a weekly basis.

7. No. of Meetings - It is important to have a set start and stop time for several reasons.

a. Defining a set amount of time makes it easier for new members to take the leap of trust to commit themselves.

b. Open-ended groups can stagnant over time. Members will feel trapped and guilty if they want to quit.

c. Groups that start and stop have an atmosphere of growth and movement and will encourage the members to think about giving rather than receiving.

d. With groups that change over time, a greater networking of relationships can occur and more people can experience the loving community that small groups can provide.

We will initially set up a 12-13 week small group time that is renewable for another session. At the end of the first 12-13 session, the leader will ask the group if they desire to meet together for another session. If they do, then the group can meet

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for another session with the first few weeks open to newcomers. Potentially, then, a group can meet for long term.

8. Typical Schedule - There is no rule in how to divide the time. The four elements of a covenant group are sharing, worship, Bible Study and prayer. A typical format would be to open in prayer (2 mins.), spend some time in worship (10-15 mins), have a sharing time (10-20 mins), have a Bible Study (30-45 min) and then close with a time of prayer (15-20 mins). You can change the schedule to suit the needs of the group.

9. Closure and Evaluation - During the last meeting, lead the group through a time of evaluation and affirmation. It will be a time of celebration for what God has done during your time together. Emphasize that friendship will not end and the bond created in the small group will never be broken.

10. Child care - There are four options for child care. The first is that someone can be found to volunteer to take care of the children. The second is to run the group during Kid's Klub or worship. The third is to meet at a location (church or house) with two rooms so that members can alternate from week to week taking care of the children. The last is to swap child care responsibilities with another small group member who meets on another day.

Covenanting in a Small GroupAll Christian small groups should develop a clear sense of purpose. Group members

should understand this purpose and voluntarily promise to work toward achieving it. This promise is sometimes called a covenant. Forming a covenant makes it clear that each individual is important to the group. It clarifies the expectations and clears the way for deep love and commitment to occur. It is imperative for the survival and progress of a group.

Covenants may be discussed and revised at any time. If persons renege on commitments, the group can rethink its decisions. For example, "It seems to be hard for all of us to be here at the time we decided to begin our group. What would you like to do: adjust the time, recommit ourselves to what we decided, discuss issues that prevent our being present on time, or what?"

In addition to the covenants, there are logistical agreements or ground rules that need to be established. A worksheet is provided that you can distribute to the group to help each person keep track of the logistical agreements of the group. It will help to communicate the purpose and goals and clarify the expectations.

When you discuss the covenants and agreements, try to get a discussion going so that everyone is involved. The covenants create the conditions necessary for support and sharing to take place in a safe setting. They are therefore essential to the health of the group.

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Covenants1. Attendance: I need everyone in the group in order to

grow. One person's absence will effect the whole group.2. Affirmation: There is nothing you have done or will do

that will make me stop loving you. I may not agree with your actions, but I will love you unconditionally.

3. Confidentiality: What is said here stays here! An open atmosphere flourishes when others are trustworthy. I will never repeat what another has said unless given specific permission.

4. Openness: I will strive to reveal who I am-my hopes, hurts, backgrounds, joys, and struggles-as well as I am able.

5. Sensitivity: I will try to put myself in your shoes and understand what it is like to be you. I will try to hear you, see you, and feel where you are, to draw you out of the pit of discouragement or withdrawal. But I recognize that you have the individual right to remain silent.

6. Accountability: I am responsible for my own growth. I will not blame others for my feelings. None of us are trapped into behaviors that are unchangeable. I am accountable to myself, others, and God to become what God has designed me to be in His loving creation. I will help you become what you can be.

Adapted from Em Griffin, Getting Together

Agreement Worksheet Purpose of our group________________________________________________________________________________The portion of the Bible that we intend to study is __________We have covenanted together to meet for __________ weeks, at which time we will review and evaluate the group.We intend to use the__________________ Bible study method.In addition to Bible study, we would like to also _____________________________________________________________We will meet each week on _______________. We will begin at _______________and close at ______________________A typical schedule will look like ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Ground rules:Food ___________________ Dress ____________________Children _________________ Place ____________________Absence _________________ Leadership Responsibility ____Preparation _______________ Visitors __________________Evaluation ________________ Phone Interruption ______Open/closed ______________

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Sharing Questions/ExercisesSharing Question/Exercises are an excellent way to lead the group to getting to know and trust each other. A good time to use this exercises/sharing question is before the Bible Study. Please see PCOM website (www.pcomonline.org --- ministries --- small group resources --- small group ideas)

Bible Study in Small GroupsOur aim is to hear the Word of God and respond in faith and obedience. We will be using the inductive method of Bible Study since it allows the members to learn from the text directly and on its own terms. It builds excitement when members discover for themselves the meaning and application of Scripture. Using published/PCOM supplied material is good for those starting out leading small groups. There is a wealth of published Bible Study material as well as free Bible Studies on the PCOM website (go to www.pcomonline.org --- ministries – small group resources). Here are some guideline to choosing material suited for our purposes

What to Look For1. Choose material that uses the inductive approach to passages. Each study should

focus on a compact section of the Bible.2. Each study should have no more than 10 questions (preferably less) so that you can

get through it in one 45 minute session.3. Make sure the studies have good application questions. Many studies are very

focused on meaning rather than application.

What to Avoid1. Lots and lots of text. People will be focused on the guide rather than the Bible.2. Being asked to read too much of a passage before the question.3. Too many leading questions requiring "yes/no" answers4. Too many trite observation questions like "Who is speaking in verse 7?"5. little or no application questions6. Too many background helps which steer away from the text.

Leading the Study - Here are some pointers for leading the Bible Study.

1. Watch the time - Begin on time and end on time. Make sure you allocate enough time for application questions.

3. Read the passage first - Have one person read the passage. Going around reading sections tend to make the passage choppy and will embarrass some who are less skilled at reading.

4. Discussion - After first response, ask if anyone else has something to add, then go on at a rather brisk pace.

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5. Silence - Don't be afraid of silence. People need time to think. If you sense the question is too vague or hard to understand, reword it and try again.

6 Avoid answering your own questions - Trust the questions. If you answer the questions, you will prevent discussion from occurring.

5 Try to affirm whenever possible - Nod your head, thank people for their input, verbally agree with members after they respond.

6 Never reject an answer - If you get a wild answer, ask them where in the passage they see it. Ask others to contribute and let the group handle it.

8 Avoid going off in tangents - If people go off course, gently bring them back to the passage.

8. Make sure there is enough time for application - Since this is the most important part of the study, make sure there is enough time for it. You can word several questions with varying degrees of depth.

PrayerPurpose - To provide an opportunity for people to pray with and for each other. Praying together builds relationships on a deeper level, and it allows us to get to know each other better through sharing of needs and finding out what is important to each of us. It develops an awareness of the unity we have in Christ. It allows the group to experience the presence of Christ and see actual answers to prayers as the weeks go by.

Principles of Prayer - As Jesus taught on the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7), prayer...is an expression of the heart rather than the preciseness of the wordingneed not be flowery but can be simple and directis not ritualistic or religious soundingshould have elements of thanksgiving and adorationshould have practical requests

Introduce a prayer time and tailor it to the needs of the group. Here are some suggestions.a) Modified Conversational Prayer - Have people share their requests and you can

record them. Then before going into a prayer time, go down the list and ask for volunteers (don't force) to pray for the requests. This will give each member a chance to think about it before they actually pray. During the prayer time, leave it open until all the volunteers have prayed and then close. Although not spontaneous, it provides a way for the less comfortable to get use to praying.

b) Focused Prayer - The leader before hand gives the members a topic to focus on like thanksgiving. This helps the members direct their thoughts. The leader can then change the focus during the prayer time. Some have used the acronym ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication) as a guide.

c) Subgroups - Divide the group in twos or threes and have them share request and pray for each other. This is less threatening.

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Supplementary Material

Qualifications of a Small Group Leader

1. The qualifications of a small group leader are mainly a reflection of the heart. He/she must have:

An understanding of spiritual principlesA growing relationship with ChristA commitment to care for peopleA desire to serveA willingness to learnA resolve to spend the necessary time

2. As prerequisites, a small group leader at PCOM should:

Be a member of the churchHave received small group trainingHave received a recommendation from a leader of a groupHave had an interview with the small group coordinator

3. As ongoing requirements, a small group leader should:

Attend regular leaders meetings and communicate regularly with small group coordinatorAttend a training event that will be offered through the church yearBe in regular fellowship at PCOMRead one book a year from the small groups library

Character of a Small Group Leader

1. Caring - The group leader is a servant-leader. A servant serves by leading and a leader leads by serving. Jesus modeled servant-leadership by washing his disciples' feet (John 13:5).

a) Caring from the Heart - Caring for others cannot be summarized by a number of techniques but must flow from a heart of gratitude toward Christ. We ultimately care for others because Christ cared for us. We deserve punishment and Christ forgave us. The deeper we understand this reality, the greater our gratefulness to Him. It is out of our deep gratitude to Christ that we desire to imitate Him and serve and love others as He loves us.

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b) Caring through our words - A servant-leader is a good listener and practices (modeling) openness. Through his/her communication skills, he/she is able to encourage members to share, keep the group moving when it is sidetracking, and handle conflict and silence.

c) Caring through Deeds - Physical needs will arise naturally. Groups have sacrificed for other members in a variety of different way such as cooking a meal, sending cards, visiting, going grocery shopping for them, etc. Putting words into practice is the real test of love. The Holy Spirit will lead.

2. Administration - The servant-leader serves the group through the administrative details such as recruiting members to the group, leading discussions, enabling group decision making, planning group meetings, following up the various members outside of group meetings, and evaluating progress.

3. Group Dynamics - The servant-leader feels responsible for the group and deals with conflict and problems. He/she understands group dynamics and serves to gently direct the flow of the discussions.

4. Timothy Principle - A servant-leader looks for opportunities to share leadership. His/her greatest joy is to see others flourish as leaders. This is the what Paul did to Timothy. Leaders can train members in the group by encouraging them to lead. The leader can then help them through the experience.

5. Leadership Styles - As a small group leader you will function with a particular style that will be unique to who you are. But your style will probably fall into one of three general categories: authoritative, democratic, or laissez-faire. To be a leader that gives life to the group, your style should be strong at first, on the authoritative side, to give the group direction, and then you should move toward the democratic style. If the leader stays in the authoritative style, the group will not produce leaders and will be permanently reliant on the leader. The following chart will help you evaluate your leadership style. The first step to becoming versatile is to understand your own tendency.

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Authoritative(definite & responsive)

1. Strong control, with members actively involved in the discussions.

2. Has a definite purpose and plan but is open to modification

3. Active and energetic and seeks the activity of others.

4. Gives direction and support

5. Initiates leadership and brings other in.

6. Takes responsibility until others can assume it.

7. Makes decisions open to input

8. Prepares and asks questions and members respond.

Democratic(group-centered)

1. Shared control, with leader and members sharing functions.

2. Shares leadership responsibility

3. Believes in other people

4. Creates a sense of security and belonging

5. Gives other members opportunity to lead

6. The leader can withdraw and group will not fall apart

7. Policies a matter of group discussion

8. May ask others to lead discussion

Laissez-faire(permissive)

1. Minimal control, with members directing.

2. Doesn't prepare and lets things drift

3. Doesn't seem to care and passive

4. Causes the group to accomplish very little

5. Encourages fragmentation through no discipline and unreliability

6. Makes no attempt to appraise or regulate the course of events

7. Lacks courage in making decisive plans

8. Asks vague or general questions

Adapted from John Mallison, Building Small Groups in the Christian Community

Exercise #1 (Leadership Styles) 1 - Estimate where you fall on the spectrum and mark it with an X.

Authoritative Laissez-faireDemocratic

Share what are the strengths of your leaning. What are the potential weaknesses and how can you overcome them?

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Stages of a Small Group

Applying servant leadership involves knowing when to take a strong lead and when to back off. For example, early in the life of the group, the leader must take an active role in directing, establishing, and maintaining group process and relationships using a more authoritative style. As the group finds its identity and unity increases, the leader must reduce the amount of control and allow the group to be self-directing with a more democratic style. Leading in this style allows the group to share in leadership functions and makes you a facilitator-enabler of the group life and purpose.

Below is a table describing the stages of small groups and the role of the small group leader during the various stages.

Stages in Small Groups Role of the Servant-LeaderBirth and Childhood - Group is hesitant. Dependent on leader. Critical stage for covenanting so that expectations are the same for all members

Leader must actively establish friendly interaction (sharing questions), set expectation (covenant), and establish structure (agenda)

Teenager - Questions may arise. Conflict and complaining. This is a natural part of any group.

Leader needs to be open and allow questioning. Make adjustments if necessary. Affirm group involvement.

Adulthood - Trust, mutual participation, good attendance. Growth is apparent. Strong bonds form among members

Leader can release control but helps maintain relationships and processes. Here is the opportunity to share leadership

Mid-life crisis - ups and downs. Boredom, lack of enthusiasm. Lack of attendance. Need for a change or readjustment. Not all group go through this

If poor meetings or boredom with routine occurs, the leader needs to be alert to make adjustments.

Old age and Ending - Natural closing of the group. Feelings are mixed between a desire to stay together and the new possibilities that will occur.

Leader takes an active role helping the group through this phase. Help the members understand that the strong relationships need not be severed. Instead, the members have the opportunity to experience the joy of making new friends among the Body of Christ. They have the opportunity to spread the joy they have received. The focus can be one of reflection and celebration. This time can be a wonderful time of laughing and crying and praising God for each other and the group as a whole

Adapted from How to Lead Small Groups by Neal McBride

Dealing with Problems in Small Groups

1. Losing focus, drifting discussion - Politely intervene and point out the drifting tendency. Call the group back to the topic. Determine if the group wishes to change directions and pursue the new topic and/or schedule it for a future meeting.

2. Silence after asking a question - Trust your question, do not jump in too fast. The members need time to think. If the question is hard to understand, reword it or move on to the next question.

3. Personal opinions projected as a group opinion - Offer a friendly reminder to speak only for oneself is sufficient.

4. Failure to recognize a member's contribution - call the group back to the unresolved question. Affirm the questioner even though the question may not be appropriate.

5. Unbalanced participation patterns - Conclude your question with "let's hear from someone who hasn't commented yet." or "Are there any other comments?"

6. Hostility toward a person's idea - Interrupt tactfully. Affirm the right to disagree. Remind both individuals of the covenant of affirmation and suggest whatever restitution is necessary to calm feelings.

7. Member dominates group discussion - Talk with the person in private. Ask for his/her assistance in allowing others to participate. In extreme cases, while affirming the value of his/her participation, ask the person to consciously limit his/her verbal response.

8. Inappropriate timing and use of humor - Talk with the person in private. He/she may not realize the problem he/she is creating.

9. Poor attendance - Contact the person by telephone. Determine the cause for being absent. If the reason is legitimate, express concern, ask if assistance is needed and state your anticipation of the person's return.

10. Inappropriate expectations - Talk with the person outside the group. Explore the possibility of seeking professional counseling. Encourage the group member to support this person outside the group meetings.

Adapted from How to Lead Small Groups by Neal McBride.

Communication Skills

1. Small group dynamics can be improved with good communication skills. Listed below are some of these characteristics. As a leader, you should practice these skills and model them to others.a) Attending - A caring listener physically and emotionally focuses on the speaker.

He/she is facing the speaker, giving good eye contact, nodding, or verbally tracking with the speaker.

b) Inclusion - To include everyone in the discussion, members can be sensitive to silent members and encourage them by asking questions like, "John, what do you think?" or "Who knows something about...?" or "Does anyone else have a comment?" or "Does anyone else have anything to add?"

c) Paraphrasing - One way to let the speaker know that you are listening is to paraphrase. A caring listener will say back to the speaker in his/her own words what he/she thinks the speaker is saying. This lets the speaker know that you are really attempting to hear.

d) Clarification - Another method for communicating that you are listening is to ask clarification questions. A caring listener will ask questions to clear up any possible confusions. For example, he/she can say "I'm not sure what you meant by ..." or "Could you run that by me again?" or "Are you saying that..." or "I'm a little confused. Is this what you are saying..."

e) Redirecting - When the leader is asked a question, the leader can turn to a member of the group and ask "I'd be interested in what Tom has to say about this?" This is a way for the leader to encourage discussion rather than dominating.

f) "I" message instead of "You" messages - When expressing a feeling, uncertainty or opinion, a skilled communicator uses "I" instead of "You." such as "I feel hurt when you say that" rather than "You are a hurtful person" This will keep you from blaming or accusing others and focus on expressing your own feelings.

2. Caring through giving feedback (constructive criticism) - At times feedback or constructive criticism needs to be given to members of the group. If done properly, it can build trust. If done improperly, the receiver will become defensive and withdraw or get angered. In love, we are commanded to correct one another and often, it is unloving to avoid it. Here are some tips to follow.a) Describe rather than pass judgment - No one should feel condemned as a

person. Avoid accusing. Instead of "You are nasty" say "I felt myself growing angry when you..." Express positive feeling which are sincere.

b) Be as specific as possible - Don't say " you are dominating," rather give details of the behavior and specific cases.

c) Consider the needs of the receiver - Think about what the receiver can hear, accept, and handle.

d) Deal only with behaviors not character and only behaviors that the receiver can change - It is good to focus on behavior rather than characteristic that are difficult to change. Insure that the person does not feel trapped, unable to change.

e) Don't force feedback on another - Let the recipient invite comments. If he/she indicates he/she does not want to hear more, stop.

f) Check to see if the feedback is understood - Watch for reactions and possibly restate your points.

g) See if others agree with you - Ask questions like "How do the rest of you feel?" Be willing to be wrong.

h) Expect slow movement - This is difficult for the group and the recipient. A group may be very hesitant to express its feelings openly and it may take a long time.

Adapted from Building Christian Community through Small Groups and Using the Bible in Groups by Roberta Hestenes

Sharing in Small Groups

Levels of sharing

Low Risk

HighRisk

SurfaceSharing

DeepSharing

Level 1 (chit chat and news) - This is the easiest to share. It involves sharing information, facts, or opinions that are not personal. People share common interest and things in common. Most groups start at this level since little trust is required. Chit chat can be a good ice breaker before going on to deeper levels since it allows people to "test the waters."Level 2 (Concerns and Values) - This is more difficult to share and requires some trust. Sharing concerns, past history, or important values would fall into this category. This level tends to be more cognitive and thoughtful.Level 3 (Feelings here and now) - This is the most difficult to share and requires great trust. Sharing here and now feelings such as fear, love, doubt, guilt, or joy require vulnerability and risk. Intimacy occurs when people share at this level. Since it is difficult, it is a gift to the group when a person chooses to share at this level. The leader should recognize this and show great appreciation. Feedback (constructive criticism), mentioned earlier, would fall into this area of sharing.

Sharing questions - Sharing questions are questions that are posed to the group and then each person takes a turn answering. They can positively focus the conversation. Sharing questions can be used as a tool to encourage the group to share deeper. Without them, groups can have a tendency to stay at level 1 or 2 or stagnant on the same topics from week to week. Through carefully designed sharing questions, group members can broaden their knowledge of one another. Sharing question alone do not create intimacy but serve as a catalyst.

Follow-up questions - Follow-up questions are questions that one can use after a group member has shared something to allow them to go deeper. It tends to be more natural and spontaneous than sharing questions and can be used anytime. For example, a person may say "I visited my father yesterday" and stop. A follow up question might be, "Was it enjoyable?" inviting the person to share how he/she felt about the occasion. Notice that the person shared at level 1 but the follow up question is inviting the person to share at level 2 or 3. Using the paraphrasing and clarification questions mentioned earlier can be helpful. Some other follow up question might be:

How did you feel about it?You must have felt....Are you saying that...

Let me see if I understand you correctly...Tell us more about...What was it like...

Encouraging others to share deeply often requires a spark or catalyst. Someone has to be the first to take the risk and share something deep. Often, it will happen spontaneously during the sharing time. A good leader can recognize this (the Holy Spirit will give you insight) and seize the moment. The leader should keep the focus on that person, invite him/her to share more by affirming them, asking follow up questions, and showing appreciation for his/her risk taking.

How to Develop Sharing Questions

Sharing questions are simple open ended one or two sentence questions that give people permission to talk about themselves. They are encouraged to talk about their past experiences, their feelings, their hopes for the future, their fears and anxieties, their pilgrimage of faith, their day-to-day situations, likes and dislikes, sorrows and joys. The stress is not sharing ideas and concepts but on sharing ourselves. This self-disclosure results in being known and makes it possible to receive affirmation and love.

Formulating sharing questions1. Decide on an area of focus. This could be tied to the Bible Study or an area that has

not been shared previously, e.g. history giving, favorite place, free time, values, relationships, and memories. The topics are limitless.

2. After deciding on the area of focus, formulate a question that asks for personal self-disclosure through an emotional response rather than just sharing facts. Try to make the question encourage level 2 or 3 type of sharing. Below are examples of taking a topic and formulating questions that encourage different depths of sharing.

Topic Level 1 (facts) Level 2 (values) Level 3 (feelings)Relationship with Jesus

When did you first find out about Jesus?

What attracted you to him?

How did he touch your life personally during this time?

Relationship with Father

Describe you father. What do you admire most about your father?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how close do you feel to your father and why?

Relationship with Spouse

Where and when did you meet your spouse? And under what circumstance?

What qualities about your spouse do you value?

What one aspect of your marriage do you see a need for a change? What are your current plans to bring this about?

College studies

What was your special area of study in college?

Why did you select this area?

Why was it special to you? How do you feel about it now?

3. Check your question against the criteria below.

Good questions...are understandable without explanationcan be answered brieflydo not require people to confess their sins and share only negative thingsis balanced with positive and negative sharing (if there is negative sharing) can be answered by every member (inclusive)are not trivial but help the group know each other betterallow for diversity in responseask questions which call for information not readily available to othersare open-ended questions which cannot be answered "yes" or "no"

Guidelines When Using Sharing Questions

1. Introduction - Tell the group that you are using sharing questions as a way of focusing the group to share about themselves that would not normally come up in a casual conversation.

2. Procedure - Usually you ask someone to begin sharing and then go in a circle from there. Begin yourself, and be brief, only if no one else could go first comfortably.

3. Match the threat level of the question to the experience of the group members and their willingness to risk.

4. No manipulation - While encouraging everyone to participate, allow them to reshape the question if it makes them more comfortable or pass if they want to.

5. No advice giving - Practice good listening skills of clarification and paraphrasing but do not judge each other or tell each other what to do.

6. Watch the time. If the first one or two speak at length, intervene by saying "Let's share briefly so all may have a chance to speak"

Adapted from Building Christian Community through Small Groups Roberta Hestenes

Sample Sharing Questions

1. Graph your spiritual journey and share it.2. Describe your salvation experience.3. What is your favorite Bible passage and why?4. How did you meet your spouse? What qualities do you most value about him/her?5. What about PCOM do you most appreciate?6. If you could ask God a question, what would it be?7. What values do you strive to instill in your children? (use only if everyone has children)8. What would you like to be remembered for at the end of your life?9. What one area in your life would you like to develop?10. Name a time when you felt proud of your child. (use only if everyone group has

children)11. What values do you try to bring into your work (use only if everyone works)12. Using the following scales, how would you describe yourself

happy seriousthoughtful doeractive sedatetrusting doubterpeople person loneroptimistic pessimistictalkative quiet

13. What improvement would you like to see in your present vocation by next year?14. What hobby do you enjoy?15. After a hard day at work/school, how do you relax with your friends?16. The most frightening experience I ever had was...17. Who was the most influential person in your life (besides Christ) and why?18. What one quality in your Christian life do you want to be good at in 5 years?19. What is one thing that has helped your prayer life and one thing that has hindered it?20. If you had the ability to do anything you desired in terms of ministry, what would it be?21. What is one characteristic from your parents you want to keep? want to change?22. What adjective could best describe your week? What triggered good feelings? bad?23. If you could go back and change anything in your life, what would it be?24. What are the 2 or 3 most valuable possessions you have? Why are they valuable to

you?25. Describe your ideal home and how you would furnish it?26. What is one good thing you have gotten from this group?27. If you were given a check for 1 million dollars, how would you spend it?28. Who was the most influential person in your childhood and why?29. What was the most memorable holiday you ever took and why?30. What has been your most important spiritual experience?31. What was the most exciting (challenging, difficult, growth producing, enjoyable, or

terrible) part of your life up to now and why?

32. What is one part of your life that you enjoy, and one part that is difficult for you?33. What is your favorite spot in your home and why?34. What is the one thing you worried about or struggled with this week?35. What is one decision you find difficult and why?36. What is one thing you do well and one thing that you struggle with?37. Where are you changing or growing in your life, and what helps and what hinders the

process?38. What is one relationship you would like to strengthen, and what steps could you take to

develop it?39. If you could accomplish one positive change for the good of our church, what would it

be?40. How do you want your children to remember you?41. What is one dream or hope you have for the future?42. What is one quality that you value or admire in one or more members of this group?43. If you could give a special gift to each member of our group, what would it be and why?44. What spiritual gifts do you see present in one or more members of this group? 45. What do you believe God wants you to do this week and how do you intend on doing it?46. How will you practice thankfulness to God this week?47. What is a turning point in your life?48. On a scale of 1 to 10, what level of stress did you experience last week and explain?49. What character or attribute of Jesus do you appreciate the most at this time in you life?50. What is an area in your life that Christ has changed the way you think act, or feel?51. What are some people that you have authority over and how do you try to handle that

authority well?52. What qualities do you value in your friends and why?53. What is it about God that has given you the most assurance or comfort recently?54. What is an example in your life in which Scripture has touched you?55. What are the two most pressing issues in your life right now?56. When was a time where you (or someone you know) stood up for something you

thought was right?57. When you were growing up, what was your view of God? What was he like now?58. Share a time where you were challenged to show kindness to someone, even though it

was difficult.59. When was a time in which you were hot for the Lord and when was a time in which you

were cold? What made the difference?60. What factors in your life made you open or receptive to God and how would you

describe your heart at that time?]61. One a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable do you feel about sharing your faith? Explain?

Prayer in Small Groups

Purpose/Principles of Prayer Purpose - To provide an opportunity for people to pray with and for each other. Praying together builds relationships on a deeper level, and it allows us to get to know each other better through sharing of needs and finding out what is important to each of us. It develops an awareness of the unity we have in Christ. It allows the group to experience the presence of Christ and see actual answers to prayers as the weeks go by.

Principles of Prayer - As Jesus taught on the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7), prayer...

is an expression of the heart rather than the preciseness of the wordingneed not be flowery but can be simple and directis not ritualistic or religious soundingshould have elements of thanksgiving and adorationshould have practical requests

How to Help People Share Aloud in Prayer

Even the disciples asked "Lord, teach us to pray." Praying aloud in a group can be very threatening to some people. Assure them that this is normal and that they will not be forced to pray. Do not go around in a circle because it places undue pressure on the members. You can introduce conversational praying in stages. As people try it, they will feel more comfortable. Also, assure members that periods of silence is normal so that they will not feel uncomfortable when it happens. The following are two strategies to introduce conversational prayer.

Strategy #1 - Special Session focused on Prayer - Have a special session on prayer where you can focus on prayer. A sample session might be the following.

1. Sharing question - Use sharing questions to introduce the topic and bring out into the open how people feel about public prayers. For example, you can use these two sharing questions, " (1) When have you experienced a time where you have received an answer to prayer? (2) On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable do you feel about praying in public?"

2. Bible Study on the Lord's Prayer - Have a short Bible study on the Lord's prayer bringing out the concepts of beginning with adoration and thanksgiving toward God and then the validity of praying for our daily needs. Emphasized that it is the heart that counts to Christ, not the actual words and that our prayer can be simple and direct.

3. Prayer time - Introduce a prayer time and tailor it to the needs of the group. Here are some suggestions.

a) Modified Conversational Prayer - Have people share their requests and you can record them. Then before going into a prayer time, go down the list and ask for volunteers (don't force) to pray for the requests. This will give each member a chance to think about it before they actually pray. During the prayer time, leave it open until all the volunteers have prayed and then close. Although not spontaneous, it provides a way for the less comfortable to get use to praying.

b) Focused Prayer - The leader before hand gives the members a topic to focus on like thanksgiving. This helps the members direct their thoughts. The leader can then change the focus during the prayer time. Some have used the acronym ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication) as a guide.

c) Subgroups - Divide the group in twos or threes and have them share request and pray for each other. This is less threatening.

Strategy #2 - Gradual Introduction of Prayer - You can gradually introduce conversational prayer by allowing members to take smaller steps.

Session #1 - Leader opens and closes with prayerSession #2 - Leader opens and introduces a focused time of prayer on thanksgiving

where members can just say "Jesus, thank you for ..." The responses can just be brief phrases.

Session #3 - Same as session #2 but adds prayer of petition "Jesus, help me with..."Session #4 - Each person gets a prayer request for the person on the right. A time is

given for each to pray that request.Session #5 - Same as #4 except pair off and pray in twos. Ask them to continue to pray

during the weekSession #6 - Same as #5 except prayer requests are gathered from the larger group first

before pairing people off to pray. Introduce conversational prayer.Session #7 - Conversational prayer with the whole group.

Adapted from Building Christian Community through Small Groups Roberta Hestenes

Ideas for Prayer

Here are some different ideas you can try to keep variety in the prayer times.

1. Keep a prayer journal. Record prayer items and keep track of God's answers.2. Divide into smaller groups to pray for one another3. Have prayer partners over the week

4. Dedicate whole group session to prayer. Study it, talk about it, and do it5. Laying on of hands - If there is a person in need of prayer, you can have him/her sit

in the middle and have the rest of the group gather round and lay hands on him/her. Then, members can spontaneously pray for the person with one person opening and closing the prayer time. Laying on of hands communicates deep love and concern to the person being prayed for.

6. Use both silent and audible prayer. At times you may want to ask people to pray silently to themselves, or use silent prayer as preliminary preparation to set the tone for audible prayer.

7. Write prayers. Whether it is a response to a passage being studied or as a separate activity. Writing prayers and the reading them out loud is a meaningful experience for many groups

8. Pray spontaneously when the need arises. You can ask the group to stop in the middle of sharing or Bible study and have a special time of prayer.

Adapted from How to Lead Small Groups by Neal McBride

Bible Study in Small Groups

Our aim is to hear the Word of God and respond in faith and obedience. We will be using the inductive method of Bible Study since it allows the members to learn from the text directly and on its own terms. It builds excitement when members discover for themselves the meaning and application of Scripture. Using published material is good for those starting out leading small groups. We will be teaching formulating your own questions at a separate training session.

Using Published Bible Study Material

There is a wealth of published Bible Study material. Here are some guideline to choosing material suited for our purposes. Recommended Studies can be found in the Resources Section of the Handbook.

What to Look For1. Choose material that uses the inductive approach to passages. Each study should

focus on a compact section of the Bible.2. Each study should have no more than 10 questions (preferably less) so that you can

get through it in one 45 minute session.3. Make sure the studies have good application questions. Many studies are very

focused on meaning rather than application.

What to Avoid1. Lots and lots of text. People will be focused on the guide rather than the Bible.2. Being asked to read too much of a passage before the question.3. Too many leading questions requiring "yes/no" answers

4. Too many trite observation questions like "Who is speaking in verse 7?"5. Absent application questions6. Too many background helps which steer away from the text.

Preparations for the Bible Study

Here are some pointers on how to prepare the Bible Study.

1. Ask God's help - God is the one who must give us insight into the Scriptures. He is the one who will bring insight to the other members during the group time.

2. Choose a compact section of Scripture - Since the inductive study method requires that the group study the passage line by line, you must limit the size of the material. Usually, an account in the narrative or a sub-chapter in a letter is all you can handle.

3. Study the passage - Before using commentaries, read the passage yourself and allow it to touch your life. You should be able to get the main meaning by just reading it. Commentaries and other Biblical helps will supplement your learning.

4. Have an aim - From you study, you should be able to distill the main one or two points from the passage. Focus the Bible Study on these insights.

5. Check your questions – Check over the questions and make sure you can answer them yourself. Free free to add or subtract from the prepared questions. Questions are used to guide the group. They should encourage discussion and therefore be open ended. Do not ask questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" since they do not encourage discussion. Ask questions that are directly tied to the Scripture. For a 30 minute study, you will find that you will have to limit yourself to 5-7 questions (45 minute study will be limited to 7-10 questions). Remember, the group does not have to get through all of the questions to have a meaningful discussion and study.

Types of Questions (Observation, Interpretation, Application) - One way of formulating questions is to ask the questions (1) What does it say? (observation) (2) What does it mean? (interpretation) (3) How does it apply? (application). You will find that observation is the easiest to answer but the real insights are gained through the interpretation questions. Application questions are often overlooked and yet are probably the most important questions. Without them, the study of Scripture becomes a mental exercise with no real application. A sample Bible Study on Phil. 4:4-6 illustrates this method.

Other Types of Questions - Another approach that works especially well with narratives is to develop questions that are focused on the character's thoughts and feelings as the story unfolds. The group members identify with the characters and put themselves in their shoes.

Leading the Study

Leading the Study - Here are some pointers for leading the Bible Study.

1. Watch the time - Begin on time and end on time. Make sure you allocate enough time for application questions.

3. Read the passage first - Have one person read the passage. Going around reading sections tend to make the passage choppy and will embarrass some who are less skilled at reading.

4. Discussion - After first response, ask if anyone else has something to add, then go on at a rather brisk pace.

5. Silence - Don't be afraid of silence. People need time to think. If you sense the question is too vague or hard to understand, reword it and try again.

6 Avoid answering your own questions - Trust the questions. If you answer the questions, you will prevent discussion from occurring.

5 Try to affirm whenever possible - Nod your head, thank people for their input, verbally agree with members after they respond.

6 Never reject an answer - If you get a wild answer, ask them where in the passage they see it. Ask others to contribute and let the group handle it.

8 Avoid going off in tangents - If people go off course, gently bring them back to the passage.

8. Make sure there is enough time for application - Since this is the most important part of the study, make sure there is enough time for it. You can word several questions with varying degrees of depth.

Adapted from Seven Myths about Small Groups by Dan Williams

Worship in Small Groups

Larger Definition - Worship is a way of life. It is living your life focused on pleasing God. In this way, even the little events in life can be a form of worship. The Book of Revelations gives a picture of God's subjects constantly worshipping God (Rev 4) and in constant fellowship with God (Rev 21). God will be dwelling with us and will "wipe every tear from our eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain." This is a picture of worship.

Specific Definition - An intense period of time where we are corporately focused on God giving God adoration, praise, thanksgiving and allowing God to speak to us through His Word and prayer.

These two definitions are actually compatible. The larger definition of worship is the specific definition applied to life in general rather than a particular time period. For

example, worship (specific) on Sunday is meant to flow into the rest of the week and permeate our life. Our life at church should be consistent with our life at work and home.

There are different forms of worship (specific) that you can use in small groups. The two presented below are singing and readings.

1. Singing - One form of worship (specific) is singing. There are rich traditions in the church. Hymns are full of meaning, strong in its emphasis of the universality of believers and corporateness of the church. It appeals to our mind and our understanding. On the other hand, contemporary songs are personal and intimate touching our feelings. Each has strengths and weaknesses as shown below. Small groups can use both to enrich and enhance their time.

Hymns Contemporary

pro(advantage)

Universal and corporate(appeals to the mind)

Personal and intimate(appeals to the feelings)

con(disadvantage)

Can get dry Can get too introverted

a. Singing using a guitar - A guitar is well suited for the contemporary songs. PCOM has compiled a songbook for those who can play. Guitar is a very easy instrument to learn and we will be giving classes.

b. Singing a capella - This is especially suited for hymnals if there is no piano or keyboard. Even just reading the words in unison without singing can be an enriching experience (for the less musical). Something definitely worth trying.

2. Readings - Member will be familiar with readings since it is used in the Sunday worship. It can be a powerful tool to focus the group's attention on God. It can add a fullness and richness to the small group experience. Make sure that everyone has the same translation in front of him/her. You may have to make copies for everyone.

To enhance the reading time, try focusing on the passage several times in different ways. First, give the group time to read the passage in silence. Then, you can read it out aloud in unison or responsively. You can then discuss what the passage means to you personally. You can then pray together focusing on what the passage

has taught you. Other options is to write you own summaries or paraphrase of the passage. The idea is to read it several different ways for depth.

a. Psalms/Scripture - Reading Psalms/Scripture together can be a wonderfully worshipful time. Since the Psalms are David's heart poured out to God, we can experience the same emotions corporately. There are also wonderful passages in other parts of the Bible that can be used for readings. Try reading in unison or one member reading to the rest. Using modern translations often helps to bring out the meaning (The Message, the Living Bible, etc). Whatever works better for your group. You could rotate each week by having the members pick their favorite Psalms and share why before reading it. Don't be afraid to experiment.

b. Book of Prayers - The Presbyterian Church has a rich tradition of prayers, creeds, and Scriptures that can be found in the Book of Common Prayers. These can be read using the same suggestion above.

c. Responsive Reading - Responsive readings allow the members to participate. They can be found in the Book of Common Prayers and in the Hymnal

c. Devotional Books - There are rich devotionals that can be used as reading. Selections should be short and focused on one topic.

Reaching Out: Service and Ministry

In the early stages of a small group, its main task is the development of group life. But as soon as the group begins to develop a sense of cohesion and trust it needs to begin to look out of itself -- to have a mission. Initially, mission can be expressed in prayer for friends, relatives or the needy of the community and world. Eventually there should be a consensus as to the focus of the groups' gifts and abilities for ministry. As a small group leader, you must set a perspective from the beginning establishing that outreach is a natural and necessary part of the Christian life.

The danger, of course, is to get too introverted and self-focused as a group. There is such an intensity of warmth toward each other that the group may not want to share it with others. Yet, sharing our love is the commission that God has given us.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Pray for your non-Christian friends and discuss how each person could most effectively "love" that person.

2. Service projects -- e.g. assisting the needy, cooking, shopping, baby-sitting, house/car care, repair, volunteer with disabled, fund raising

3. Outreach Ministry - Nursing home ministry, visitation, big brother/sister, Habitat for Humanity, Mexicali, etc.

How to Have Closure

Small groups are not an end in themselves. They are simply the vehicles that enables us to be the people that God intends us to be. They are the vehicles for support and spiritual growth in our lives. But, all groups come to an end.

Whenever your group ends you must remember that the things you as a member have given and received, the ways in which you have grown, the skills you have learned, will continue with you. In addition, the special friendships you have made with the other members will never end. There will always be a deep bond between you and the others. Also, there is no reason you cannot have reunions to maintain contact.

Breaking off relationships may be sad, but the ways in which you have grown can be applied to groups you will be a part of in the future. So make the ending of your group a positive celebration, freeing people to look forward to future involvement in small groups. Here are some suggestions:

1. Affirmation Chair - This is a wonderful exercise where a person is designated to sit in a chair. The others go around affirming the person in the chair by telling him/her what they appreciate about him/her and what gifts they see. After going around, another person in selected to sit in the chair and the process is repeated. That way, each person will have an opportunity to tell each member what they appreciate about each person. This exercise may take a while so allocate some extra time.

2. Discuss what you have gained by being in the group? Discuss how you feel about the group winding up its activities? End in a closing time of prayer thanking God for the gift of the group.

3. Have a prayer time recounting all of God's answers to prayer over the past year. May include changed lives, attitudes... Can result in a very worshipful time, giving praises, thanksgivings, and adoration.

4. Go outside to lunch or dinner or do something special together

5. Have times of reunion afterwards just for a time to share and pray.

Evaluating the Small Group

Our goal for small groups is that people have a positive experience with one another and the Lord. We need some way of determining if this is happening. Evaluation promotes quality. It builds in accountability and it helps us improve.

People might have various attitudes about evaluation. Some may think that it is a waste of time. Others may fear negative results. Still others may believe that you cannot evaluate spiritual matters.

The Bible teaches us to be discerning and test ourselves (II Corth. 13:5) (Hebrew 4:12) (Galations 6:4). Evaluation is a part of the Christian life because we are not perfect yet and sin is still influencing us. We need to have a humble attitude, an open attitude of learning and a desire to improve.

Fearing negative results stems from the false connection of our performance with who we are. This is a lie. The Bible tells us that we are God’s children, always loved and cherished by Him. We can then sever the connection between our performance and God’s acceptance of us because He will always love us. We can then approach looking at our performance without fear and rejection.

The following is a performance sheet that you can use at the end of your small group session.

Small Group Evaluation Sheet

1 - Excellent 2 - Good 3 - Average 4 - Fair 5 - Poor

1. Size of Group2. Use of Time3. Leadership4. Material Used5. Relationship with each other6. Climate of Trust7. Freedom to be oneself8. Acceptance of each other's faults9. Concern for other's struggles10. Understanding of Bible passages11. Application of Scripture to daily life12. Prayer13. Worship14. Outreach15. Communication of ideas16. Communication of feelings17. Group confrontation with Christ18. Personal growth within the group19. Worship life of the Group

1 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 51 2 3 4 5

The strong points of our group are:

The problems we need to work through together are:

The group has helped me:

Resources for Small Groups

The church has a small group library that has most of the following resource material. It is available to you and your group on a loan basis. We encourage you to use these resources.

Books for Small Group Leaders1. Using the Bible in Groups, Roberta Hestenes; covers all the basics on small groups

including leadership, communication skills, Bible studies, prayer, and sharing2. Community that is Christian: A Handbook on Small Groups, Julie Gorman; Good

sections on Biblical basis of small groups. Strategic book for setting up small group ministries. Covers small group dynamics and research.

3. How to Lead Small Groups, Neal McBride; covers all the basics in a simple straightforward fashion that is very practical. Good lists.

4. Good Things Come in Small Groups, Steve Barker; Good section on worship5. Building Christian Community through Small Groups, Roberta Hestenes; an

expanded syllabus with great sections on sharing questions and prayer6. Equipping the Saints; A Small Group Leaders Handbook, Rick Petersen; Excellent

summary of all the basics. Worth studying.7. Getting Together, A Guide for Good Groups, Em Griffin; Good section on decision

making8. Seven Myths about Small Groups: How to Keep from Falling into Common Traps,

Dan Williams; Good practical wisdom on myths such as "groups should last forever," or "bigger is better." Good section on choosing Bible Study material.