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IIFamil ies
i t M 4 i i i l i"ii.
- -IIOur English word family is derived from the Latin familia.
Both words have seve-ameanings. Consider these usages of family.
"My family came to this countryItaly many years ago." "My whole
family getstogether every summer for a reunior"My family l ives in
a three-bedroom house." In the last sentence, the word fan:probably
denotes a "nuclear unit" consisting of a mother, father, and their
childrerIn the middle sentence, family means an extended group of
people related by bland marriage. Today family members can expect
to participate in family gatheringfor many years and several
generations, because modern life expectancy in indts-trialized
societies is about eighty years. Parents can expect that they will
live 10-5 :enough to see their children marry and to have
grandchildren. In turn, children ca-expect that their parents and
even grandparents will still be alive when they mar"and begin their
nuclear unit. The situation in ancient Rome was very different
0-cause life expectancy was only about 27 years. This figure
reflects the very high in':'"mortality rate. Perhaps 25 percent of
l ive-born infants died within their first year. 1'.--another 25
percent of the survivors died before their tenth birthday.
Certainly a it:people did live to be 80 or 90. But the life
expectancy of 27 years was a median 2 : : :well as an average; many
people died in what we now consider the prime of Ir':The
consequences of early mortality to family structure are enormous.
In anciRome, parents could not expect that all their children would
live to-adulthood.could they expect to live long enough to see
their children become adults. In n;children could not expect that
both or even one natural parent would be alivewatch them mature.
Bereaved spouses usually remarried and formed "blende.:.families.
Thus, both as children and adults, Romans fortunate enough to
livemiddle-age could expect to participate in a sequence of
"blended" families anaform a network of step-family and
half-sibling relationships. In our own society,frequency of divorce
has also produced many "blended" families, but the nafr< - - : =
>parents (and natural grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) are
still alive to supportchildren. In ancient Rome, death, more than
divorce, caused the dissolution and ~,_reconstitution of family
units. "Extended" families would contain fewer natural It-=--tives,
yet may have been more important in terms of both economic and
emotiocasupport than they are today. The Roman family was
essentially pragmatic. Peoc = :
16
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Fathers l7formed familial ties in order to create a web of
mutual-assistance obligations. In aociety with a low life
expectancy and no comprehensive community-sponsored
welfare system, family members needed to depend on one
another.
FATHERS
Patria Potestas
_
One meaning of the Latin word familia is "the group of people
who descend from thesame pater." Thus a father and his children
form a familia, and the children of hissons (his grandchildren)
belong to the familia. (However, the children of his daugh-ters do
not, because they belong to their father's familia.) The word
paterfamiliasdenotes the head of the familia. A 50-year-old married
man and his 25-old marriedson, living in separate households, might
therefore be the legal dependents of an 80-year-old paterfamilias.
In reality, however, few men lived to be 80.1 The word
pater-familias is therefore often synonymous with pater or
"father." Roman law gave thepaterfamilias virtually absolute
control over the lives of his descendants. This controlwas called
the patria potestas ("the father's power"). A Roman father managed
all thefinancial assetsof the family. He had the legal right to
expose a newborn child; hearranged marriages for his children and
could force them to divorce spouses theyloved-: he could disown a
child, sell a child into slavery, or even kill a child
whosebehavior displeased hirn.> As late as 63 B.C. a senator
named Aulus Fulvius had hisadult son executed because he was
involved in a plot to overthrow the government."The ancient law was
designed to ensure that families retained responsibility for
theirmembers' actions. However, although the legal provisions seem
very severe, the lawwas tempered by social convention and common
sense. How strictly or severely anindividual father might wield
this power would depend very much on his personalityand temperament
as well as on the responses of other family members and
thecommunity. For example, arranged marriages were common in Roman
society, butthe execution of an adult son by his father was rare.
As the following passage indi-cates, the Romans believed that the
patria potestas had been defined by Romulus, thelegendary founder
of the city, but we cannot ascertain the precise origins of
thepractice.
15 FIRA 1, p. 8 (Dionysius of Halicarnassus 2.26--27)
-Romulus granted to the Roman father absolute power over his
son, and this power was valid until thefather's death, whether he
decided to imprison him, or whip him, to put him in chains and make
himwork on a farm, or even to kill him. Romulus even allowed the
Roman father to sell his son intoslavery.
IConversely, an 80-year-old man might have no surviving children
or grandchildren to control.2 See selection 78.3The themes of many
rhetorical school debates were based on "the father's power"; see
selection 155.4 For more on this plot, see selection 334.
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18 FAMILIESHorace's Father
Although the Roman father might legally abuse and tyrannize his
children, mostfathers were in reality concerned about the
well-being of their offspring. In thispassage a son describes his
father's loving concern for him. The author, Horace, wholived in
the first century B.C., was one of Rome's greatest lyric poets.
deaths of his so--for thei r ch i ldrerRoman world.
17
16 Horace, Satires 1.6.65-92If my character is flawed by a few
minor faults, but is otherwise decent and moral, if you can
pointout only a few scattered blemishes on an otherwise immaculate
surface, if no one can accuse me ofgreed or of sordidness or of
profligacy, if I live a virtuous life, free of defilement (pardon,
for amoment, my self-praise), and if I am to my friends a good
friend, my father deserves all the credit.For although he was a
poor man, with only an infertile plot of land, he was not content
to send me toFlavius's school> which the burly sons of burly
centurions= attended, carrying their book-bags andwriting
tablets/slung over their left shoulders and paying their few
pennies on the Ides." My fatherhad the courage to take his boy to
Rome, to have him taught the same skills which any equestrian
orsenator? would have his sons taught. If anyone had seen my
clothing or the slaves that attended me,as is the custom in a large
city, he would have thought that my expenses were being paid for
from anancestral estate. But my paedagogus, JO my absolutely
incorruptible guardian, was my father whoaccompanied me to school.
Need I say more? He kept me pure, which is the highest level of
virtue,not only from every vice, but even from any insinuation of
vice. He didn't make these sacrificesbecause he worried that
someone might criticize him if I became a crier!' or, like him, a
money-collector; nor would I have complained if he hadn't taken me
to Rome. But as it is now, he deservesfrom me unstinting gratitude
and praise. I could never be ashamed of such a father, nor do I
feel anyneed, as many people do, to apologize for being a
freedman's son.I?
Quintilian's SonsQuintilian, a writer and teacher of the first
century A.D., was afflicted by a series ofcrushing misfortunes. In
the span of just a few years, he lost first his wife and then
histwo sons. In this passage from his book on oratory, he reveals
the anguish that the
Roman fathers-infant girl. IDaughters \chosen by the:~married at
th :--=>grooms. Yet -daughters. 0quently greatl-married three
-sti II a teenager-divorce. The n~Cicero was inCicero, who 0was
unhappy _ -
5Flavius's school: the local school in Venusia, a small town
east of Naples (Neapolis), where Horace was born;see map 2. Schools
were privately operated and schoolowners/teachers such as Flavius
were poorly paid (seeselections 137 and 140).6centurions: officers
in the Roman army; se~ selection 291. Venusia had been set tled by
military veterans, andthere were consequently quite a few
centurions in the town. (They may have viewed Horace, the son of an
ex-slave, with as much scorn as he viewed them.)7 writing tablets:
waxed tablets on which letters and words were scratched with a
sharp-pointed instrument (seeselection 146).8Ides: teachers' fees
were paid monthly. "Ides" was the name given to the fifteenth day
of March, May, July,and October and the thirteenth day of all other
months.9equestrian or senator: see the introduction to Chapter
I.IOpaedagogus: a slave who was the companion and chaperone of a
young child; see selections 48 and 49.IIcrier: Latin praeco =
"someone who cries out in public ," "a professional loudmouth, " a
man hired to makeannouncements, address large groups of people,
etc. Most people could not read and therefore depended onheralds
for public information of the type now placed in newspapers. For an
example of a crier or herald at work,see selection 217. Praeco can
also mean "auctioneer."12freedman: an ex-slave (a slave who has
been freed).
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Fathers 19deaths of hissonscaused him. The passage informs us of
the affection that fathers hadfor their children, but is also
reminds us of the fragility of family units in the ancientRoman
world.
17 Quintilian, The Elements of Oratory 6. Preface ~llMy younger
son died first, when just five years old, and tore away one of the
two lights of my life. Iam not seeking attention for my misfortune,
nor do I want to increase the reasons for tears. For I wishthere
were some method of diminishing them! . . . But such a child would
have won my hearteven if he had been someone else's. And yet, in
orderto torture me more intensely, itwas the plan oftreacherous
fate that this child should be especially affectionate toward me
and should prefer me tohis nurses, to the grandmother who raised
him, 13 and to all those who usually attract the devotion ofthose
early years .... After his death, I placed my one last hope and joy
in my older son, and hewas able to provide me with solace. For he
had already entered this tenth year and had displayed notsmall
blossoms, as my younger son had, but certain and clearly defined
fruit. . . . I swear that Isaw in him those qualities not only of
talent for learning his lessons (I, in my considerable experi-ence,
have discerned nothing more remarkable), and even of willing
studiousness (as his teachersknow), but also of honorable behavior,
dutifulness, humaneness and generosity. Fear of such a greatblow
could have been expected, because it is commonly observed that
those who mature quickly dieearlier and that there is some spiteful
force which cuts down such great promise, evidently so that
ourhappiness does not go beyond what is alloted to mortal men ....
He had fortitude, dignity andstrength in the face of pain and even
fear. With such courage did he endure the illness of eightmonths,
and such admiration did he win from his doctors! I n his final
moments he was consoling me!Even as he was growing weaker and
leaving us, he kept the fevered thoughts of his delirious mind
onhis lessons and studies.
Cicero's GriefRoman fathers greeted the birth of an infant boy
with more joy than the birth of aninfant girl. Indeed infant girls
were sometimes unwanted and therefore exposed.!+Daughters who were
allowed to live were often married at a very tender age to
menchosen by their fathers. It was not uncommon for girls to be
engaged at twelve andmarried at thirteen,"> and few were asked
their opinions about prospective bride-grooms. Yet it would be.
wrong to conclude that Roman fathers did not love theirdaughters.
Cicero, for example, was very fond of his daughter Tulliaand
conse-quently greatly distressed, as this passageindicates, when
she died.16 Tullia had beenmarried three times. Her first husband
died and left her a widow (she was probablystill a teenager), and
she was separated from her second and third husbands bydivorce. The
first two marriages were evidently arranged by her father, Cicero.
WhileCicero was in exile, she herself chose her third husband. Her
choice did not pleaseCicero, who complained bitterly about his
son-in-law; ultimately this marriage, too,was unhappy. In February
of 45 B.C., Tullia died, at about thirty years of age, from13The
boys' grandmother cared for them after the death of their mother.
For other instances of children beingraised by grandparents, see
selections 30 and 338.14See selections 36 and 37.15See selection
64.16See also Pliny's description of Fundanus's grief at the
untimely death of his daughter (selection 325).
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20 FAMILIEScomplications arising from childbirth. Three months
after her death Cicero was stilldeeply grieved as we learn from
this letter to his friend Atticus.
We know, unfortunately, very little about the relationship
between mothers and theirchildren. When Roman writers do describe
their mothers, they generally present uswith an idealized portrait
of a Roman matrona, a woman who is virtuous, strong,
self-sacrificing, and devoted to the education and political
advancement of herfamily. But we seldom hear of real warmth in the
mother-child relationship. Romanwriters, when they mention their
mothers at all (which is rare), seem to worship themfrom a
distance. There are various explanations for this apparent lack of
warmth.Since many women died young, often in childbirth, their
children may never haveknown them. Quintilian's young sons, for
example, were cared for by their grand-mother after their mother's
death.!" Moreover, a man might be married two or threetimes and his
children would thus be raised by stepmothers. In cases of
divorce,children remained with their father, not their mother, and
they might not see heragain."? In addition, a mother was often not
the exclusive caretaker of her youngchildren. Upper-class families,
in particular, often delegated the routine physical careof their
children to lower-class servants or to slaves. Children who were
accustomedto this broader network of support might therefore feel
as much love toward thenurses and nannies who had fed., bathed, and
clothed them as toward their mothers.Yet surely many Romans loved
their mothers dearly, and perhaps it was strictlyliterary
convention that led them to describe their mothers in terms of
generalizedvirtues rather than to recall personal and highly
individual memories of maternalwarmth.
20
18 Cicero, Letters to Atticus 12.46
In this passage -period, descriwoman of excemoral guidance
I think I can master my grief and go from Lanuvium to my villa
in Tusculum.!? For I must give upmy property there forever (since
my sorrow will remain, although it may become better concealed),or
else realize that it doesn't matter whether I go there now or in
ten years. Certainly the house therecould not possibly remind me of
her any more than do already the thoughts which consume
meconstantly, day and night. You will probably ask, "Is there no
consolation in books?" In this case, Iam afraid they are actually a
hindrance. Without books, I might perhaps have been tougher; but
aneducated mind is neither insensitive nor callous.
19
MOTHERS
17Lanuvium, Tusculum: towns southeast of Rome. See map 2.18See
selection 17.19See selection 325: "She comforted her sister and
father." There is no mention of the girl's mother, who isperhaps
dead or perhaps separated from her children by divorce.
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Mothers 21The Ideal
In this passagefrom his Biography of Agrico/a ,20 Tacitus, a
writer of the early imperialperiod, describes the relationship
between Agricola and his mother, Julia Procilia, "awoman of
exceptional moral integrity" who devoted herself to her son's
education,moral guidance, and political advancement.
19 Tacitus, A Biography of Agricola 4.2-4The mother of Agricola
was Julia Procilla, a woman of exceptional moral integrity. He
spent hisboyhood and adolescence close by her side being gently
trained in every aspect of honorableachievemeht. lie was sheltered
from the enticements of immorality not only by his virtuous
andupright nature, but also because, as a young boy, he had as his
residence and as a model for behaviorMassil ia .> ' a town which
provided a mixture and blend of Greek refinement and provincial
frugality.I remember that he himself said that he had, in his early
youth, been-more absorbed with philosophythan was proper for a
Roman and a senator until his mother's good sense brought under
control hisardent and passionate nature.
Memory of a Warm MomentMarcus Aurelius was emperor of the Roman
world from A.D. 161 to 180, but he isalsoknown as a Stoic
philosopher= and the author of the Meditation s. In this letter to
hisfriend Fronto-" (written between A.D. 144 and 145) he gives us a
rare insight into thetype of warm, relaxed relationship a Roman son
might have with his mother.
20 Marcus Aurelius, Franta's Letters 4.6We are all well.>' I
slept in a little this morning because I have a slight cold ....
After lunch wespent some time picking grapes; we worked up a good
sweat, but had fun shouting jokes to oneanother, and, as some poet
has said, "we left a few clusters (too high to reach) as survivors
of thevintage." Later in the afternoon we returned home. I did a
little scholarly research, but not verywell. Then I had a long chat
with my dear mother who came in and sat on the edge of my bed. I
askedher, "What do you think my friend Fronto is doing right now?"
And she asked me, "What do youthink my friend Gratia." is doing?"
And then I asked, "What do you think sweet little Gratia>
isdoing?" While we were chatting away and gossiping and playfully
arguing about which of us twoloved which of you three best, the
gong sounded to let us know that my father had gone to take
hisbath.20Agricoia: Gnaeus Julius Agricola (A.D. 40-93) was
governor of Britain about A.D. 78-84. He was
Tacitus'sfather-in-law.21 Massilia: modern-day Marseilles, on the
south coast of France. It had been established as a colony by
theGreeks around 600 B.C.220n Stoicism, see selections 466 to
473.23Fronto was Marcus Aurelius's teacher and about twenty years
older than he. Selections 193 and 367 are alsoaddressed to
Fronto.24Marcus was staying at his parents' home.25Gratia (the
Elder): wife of Fronto.26Gratia (the Younger): Fronto's young
daughter.
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21 Seneca the Younger, An Essay about Providence 2.5
I hope you are "sweetest bslap them. F _writing; pleasegoddess
thewritten youme how you
22 FAMILIESMaternal Tenderness 23
Seneca suggests that mothers were more indulgent than
fathers.
Don't you see how fathers treat their children one way, and
mothers another way? Fathers order theirchildren to be woken up to
do their work early. Even on holidays they don't allow them to be
idle,and they wring sweat and sometimes tears from them. But
mothers want to hold their children ontheir laps and keep them in
the cool shade; they want them never to be made unhappy, never to
weep,and never to be in distress.
A Mother's ConcernPrivate correspondence was written on papyrus
sheets. Since papyrus is a perishablematerial, almost all letters
written 2000 years ago no longer existP In dry desertregions of
Egypt, however, archeologists have discovered some remarkably
well-preserved papyrus documents. Egypt became a Roman province in
30 B.C., and manyof the documents found there were written during
Egypt's Roman period. The lettertranslated here was written in
Egypt in the third century A.D. on the back of a piece ofpapyrus
that had already been usedonce and then sold asscrap paper. In this
letter toher son a mother expresses anxious concern about an injury
he has received.
In many "beaffectionatechanges if' s.:stress. Infor
establish'
24
22 BGU 380Late yesterday I went to your employer Serapion and
asked him about your health. He told me thatyou had hurt your foot
on a piece of sharp wood. I was very worried that you could walk
about onlyslowly and with difficulty. And I told Serapionthat I
would travel with him to see you; but he said,"Don't worry so
much!" But if you know that you are not well, write to me, and I
will come down-"to you with any traveling companion I can find.
Don't forget to write, son, about your health, for youknow the
anxiety a mother experiences about her child.
Your children send love and greetings. 29
An Ungrateful SonMothers did not have the legal control over
their children that fathers did (the patr iapotes ta s) . Indeed,
when her husband died a widow might find herself at the mercyof her
children unless she had inherited enough money to remain
independent. Inthis letter from second-century A.D. Egypt,
Sempronius reprimands his brotherMaximus for Maximus's harsh
treatment of their mother, who apparently lived withthe
latter.27The letters of famous Roman writers such as Cicero,
Seneca, and Pliny were written on papyrus but copiedafter their
deaths onto more durable materials such as vellum. Further copies
were made by hand during theMiddle Ages, until the invention of the
print ing press made multiple copies easy to obtain. The papyrus
originalsperished long ago, of course. On papyrus sources see
Appendix 1.28carne down: i.e., the Nile River. The man is working
out of town. Compare selection 36.29The children seem to be living
with their grandmother while their father works out of town. We
know nothingabout the children's mother.
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Brothers and Sisters 2323 Sammelbuch 6263 (Select Papyri 121)I
hope you are well. I have been told that you are not looking after
our dear mother very well. Please,sweetest brother, don't cause her
any grief. And if our other brothers talk back to her, you
shouldslap them. For you should act like a father now. I know that
you can be kind to her without mywriting; please don't be offended
by my writing and reprimanding you. We ought to revere as agoddess
the mother who has given us birth, especially a mother as good and
virtuous as ours. I havewritten you these things, my brother,
because I know the sweetness of dear parents. Write and tellme how
you are.
BLENDED FAM IL IE S
Step-ParentsIn many "blended" families, step-parents,
step-children, and half-siblings enjoyedaffectionate and supportive
relationships with one another. Nevertheless, thechanges in family
structure that a second marriage brings can produce tension
andstress. In this passage, Seneca praises Helvia, whose mother had
died in childbirth,for establishing a good relationship with her
step-mother.
24 Seneca the Younger, Consolation to His Mother Helvia 2.4You
lost your mother as soon as you were born, or rather, while you
were being born, and, in acertain sense, you were harshly exposed
to life. You grew up under a step-mother, whom you forcedto become
a real mother to you by your total obedience and affectionate
devotion, which were asgreat as can be seen even in a natural
daughter. Still, even a good step-mother takes a great toll.
BR OTH ER S A ND S IS TE RS
Both the following passages indicate warm relationships between
brothers andsisters.t?
Brotherly Love"-This passage is taken from a letter that Cicero
wrote to his younger brother, Quintus,
in the late spring of 58 B.C. while traveling in exile to
Macedonia.U
2 5 Cicero, Letters to His Brother Quintus 1.3.3When I miss you,
am I feeling the absence only of a brother? No, I miss a brother
who is, incharming companionship, like a friend, in obedience, like
a son, in wisdom like a father. Whatpleasure did I ever have
without you, or you without me?
30Consider also the warm relationship between Turia and her
sister in selection 330.31Cicero's political enemies, most
particularly Clodius (see note 145 of Chapter X), cont rived to
send him intoexile for 18 months.
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AS TH E ROM ANS DIDA Sourcebook in Roman Social History
Second Edition
f:1jttj#!".-IIJo-Ann Shelton
New York OxfordOXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS
1998
