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Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work
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Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work
What the research really says
True or False?
It is better for the children if the parents remain married, even in a
hostile marriage.
True or False?
The primary goal of those helping married couples should be to reduce
conflict in the relationship.
True or False?
“Active listening” has never been proven to be an effective practice.
True or False?
Expression of anger has been associated with increased marital
satisfaction.
Fact
Unhappily married couples underestimate the positivity in the
relationship by as much as 50%
True or False
Bickering, passionate couples were the only group to have a romantic
marriage after 35 years.
True or False
The husband should be in charge.
True or False
In ailing marriages couples generally communicate clearly.
True or False
Most things people argue about cannot be solved.
True or False
People should not begin marriage with high romantic expectations.
Fact
In ailing marriages the positive things don’t erode, they are just done less and less over
time. Patterns are established early and become more entrenched over time.
Fill in the blank
Nearly 80% of men and women say their major reason for wanting a
divorce is ______________
Short answer
Who has the most influence in setting the mood in the home?
Marriage Killers
Harsh start-up
Marriage Killers
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:the most corrosive of all relationship
behaviors
Marriage Killers
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
1. Criticism (vs. Complaint)
Marriage Killers
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
2. Defensiveness
Marriage Killers
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:3. Contempt
Marriage Killers
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
4. Stonewalling
Marriage Killers
Flooding
Marriage Killers
Failed repair attempts
Marriage Killers
Bad memories
Making Marriage Work
Principle 1: Love Mapping
Making Marriage Work
Principle 2: Nurture Fondness and Admiration
Making Marriage Work
Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other
Making Marriage Work
Principle 4: Accept Your Partner’s Influence
Making Marriage Work
Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems69% of problems are perpetual
Making Marriage Work
Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock
Making Marriage Work
Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning
Effective Problem Solving
Softened start upRepair and de-escalation
Accepting influenceCompromise
Soothing