SESSION ONE

What being a parent’s really like!

GROUP AGREEMENT

What ground rules do we want in this group to help it run smoothly?

TIME OUT FOR PARENTS AIMS TO:

• increase your confidence in your skills and ability as a parent

• help make the relationship between you and your child even better than it is now

• teach skills to help you children be more emotionally secure and raise their self esteem

TIME OUT FOR PARENTS AIMS TO:

• work out the best way to effectively discipline your child

• give you tools to help you in your relationship with your child’s other parent/carer

• provide you with greater support where you would like it

SESSION PLAN

• The goal of parenting

• Expectations and realities of parenting

• Temperament and its impact on behaviour

THE GOAL OF PARENTING

To raise adults who can cope in the outside world

THE ROLLER COASTER OF PARENTING!

OUR EXPERIENCES OF BECOMING A PARENT

Think about any:• Surprises• Disappointments• Hopes• Joys

of being a parent so far

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TEMPERAMENT

What is temperament?

The traits, or characteristics you were born with that influence how you behave.

THREE DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENT TYPES

Easy/flexible (‘I can’)

Difficult/active (‘I won’t’)

Slow to warm up/cautious

(‘I can’t’)

How can Adam’s parents help him as he makes the move to nursery?

How could an understanding of

temperament help Susie’s mum?

REFLECTION

• Introductions

• Made a group agreement

• Aims of the course

• The goal of parenting

• Expectations and realities of parenting

• Temperament and its impact on behaviour

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

• What was your child’s temperament like as a baby?

• How would you describe him or her now?

• What do you enjoy about your child?

• What do you find challenging about your child?

• What changes have you made to the way you act with your child now you know about temperament?

NEXT WEEK

We will be looking at the children's needs

SESSION 2

Children’s needs

SESSION PLAN

• Attachment and how to develop a good relationship with your child

• Developing emotional security

• The Five Love Languages

• Emotional bank account

THE GOAL OF PARENTING

To raise adults who can…

• function in the outside world

• cope with the knocks of life and bounce back

• make good relationships

And are the sort of people we’d like to spend time with!

What are children’s needs?

ATTACHMENT

“Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space.”Ainsworth 1973 and Bowlby 1969

WE ALL HAVE CERTAIN NEEDS

PHYSICAL NEEDSFood, air, sleep etc

ESTEEM NEEDSFeel good about themselves

SOCIAL NEEDSFeel loved, close relationships

SAFETY AND SECURITY NEEDSSafe environment

CHILDREN’S NEEDS

ESTEEM NEEDS

SOCIAL NEEDS

SAFETY AND SECURITY

NEEDS

PHYSICAL NEEDS

KEYS TO ENCOURAGING ATTACHMENT

• Make yourself available.

• Be attentive to your child’s cues.

• Respond quickly and appropriately.

• Be warm, positive and caring.

• Follow your child’s lead and co-operate with them on how they play and interact.

• Avoid over stimulating your child as you interact.

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MEETING CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL NEEDSAttentionAcceptanceAppreciationEncouragementLove and affectionRespectSupportComfortApproval Security

CHILDREN NEED TO KNOW THEY ARE LOVED

“In modern society, raising emotionally healthy children is an increasingly difficult task … If children feel genuinely loved by their parents, they will be more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of their lives”

G Chapman and R CampbellThe Five Love Languages of Children

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

Physical touch(Touch)

Words of affirmation (Words)

Quality time (Time)

Receiving gifts(Gifts)

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

Acts of service (Actions)

EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT

REFLECTION

• Reviewed take home activity

• Attachment and how to develop a good relationship with your child

• Meeting our child’s emotional needs

• The Five Love Languages

• Emotional bank account

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

Emotional needs• Pick one or two emotional needs that you will actively try

to meet for your child this week.• Identify specific ways you can try to meet this need.

Love languages• Think about what your primary love language might be.• How does this affect how you give/show love to your child?• Think of ways you can demonstrate love for each of the 5

love languages and see if you can do them this week for your child.

NEXT WEEK

We will be looking at play and listening

SESSION 3

Play and listening

SESSION PLAN

• The importance of play

• How to support play

• Listening and expressing feelings

• Words that build up

• Recognising children’s feelings

• Active listening

THE IMPORTANCE OF PLAY

Play is a vital part of a child’s development and growth

WHAT CAN WE DO TO PLAY WITH OUR CHILDREN?

• Ideas for play for babies up to 12 months old…

• Ideas for play for toddlers 1-2 years old…

• Ideas for play for children 2-4 years old…

BREAK

THE POWER OF WORDS

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

HOW TO RECOGNISE CHILDREN’S FEELINGS

Children often ACT OUT their feelings because they can’t put them into words

Being able to put yourself in your child’s shoes helps you to understand your child’s behaviour

HELPING YOUR CHILD EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS

“I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.”Charles R Swindoll

REFLECTION

• Reviewed take home task

• The importance of play

• How to support play

• Listening and expressing feelings

• Words that build up

• Recognising children’s feelings

• Active listening

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

• Play – actively play with your child

• Listening – describe a moment you actively listened to your child

• Time together – take the time to read your child a story of their choice

NEXT WEEK

We will be looking at parenting styles and setting boundaries

SESSION 4

Parenting styles and boundaries

SESSION PLAN

• What is discipline?

• Setting loving limits

• Parenting styles

• Keys to positive parenting

DISCIPLINE – WHAT IS IT?

SETTING LOVING LIMITS

WHY ARE BOUNDARIES IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN?

Because they… • teach children to respect others and their

property• teach children self-control• teach children about acceptable limits• teach children how to be responsible adults• give children security• keep children safe

WHAT AGE/WHAT BOUNDARY?

What boundary would you have for your age group:

• Bedtime

• Mealtimes

• Television watching

• Playing outside

SETTING BOUNDARIES

If we don’t, someone else will...

LOVING DISCIPLINE ISN’T…

• Shouting and yelling

• Dominating and controlling

• Criticising and putting down

• Hitting

• Being inconsistent

• Being cold or detached

LOVING DISCIPLINE IS…

• Training• Leading by example• Consistent• Age appropriate

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TWO SIDES TO PARENTING

The Child and The Parent

THERE ARE 3 DIFFERENT RECOGNISED STYLES OF PARENTING

• Authoritarian• Permissive• Authoritative/assertive

AUTHORITARIAN

PERMISSIVE

AUTHORITATIVE/ASSERTIVE

• Can you plot yourself on the line?

• Do you want to make any changes?

• Do you think there are times when you use different styles of parenting to your ‘usual’ style?

KEYS TO POSITIVE PARENTING

• Expectations and house rules

• Routines

• Consistency

• One-to-one fun time

• Communication

• Giving choices

REFLECTION

• Reviewed take home tasks• What discipline means• Setting loving limits• Two sides of parenting• Parenting styles• Keys to positive parenting

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK

Parenting styles – think about your own ‘main’ style of parenting and whether there are changes you want to make. Write down your reflections.

Try and give your child some choices this week.

Keys to positive parenting – focus on one this week and write down things you try.

NEXT WEEK

We will be looking at discipline and safety

SESSION 5

Discipline and safety

SESSION PLAN

• Disciplining your child

• Why do children misbehave?

• Keeping children safe

YOUR DISCIPLINE TOOLKIT

ENCOURAGING GOOD BEHAVIOURStar chart/sticker chart

ENCOURAGING GOOD BEHAVIOURRewards

ENCOURAGING GOOD BEHAVIOURPraise and overheard praise

ENCOURAGING GOOD BEHAVIOURCounting 1, 2, 3

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURRemoval

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURDistraction

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURPlanned ignoring

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURTime out

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURTaking away privileges

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURGiving choices and consequences

There are laws in the UK covering the use of physical punishment on children

DISCOURAGING BAD BEHAVIOURSmacking

MAKE UP AFTERWARDS

BREAK

WHY CHILDREN MISBEHAVE

• Child’s behaviour relates to how they are feeling

• Children ‘act out’ their feelings

• They may be tired, hungry or anxious

• They want more attention or love

Stop Think Act

HANDLING CHALLENGING BEHAVIOUR

KEYS TO MANAGING BEHAVIOUR

• Action not anger!• Try to keep a sense of humour• Keep a united front• Try to think what might be

triggering the behaviour

KEEPING CHILDREN SAFE

REFLECTION

• Reviewed take home activity

• Strategies for dealing with behaviour

• Why children might misbehave

• Keeping children safe

FOCUS FOR THE WEEK• Think of a specific discipline issue that

you would like to deal with this week.

• How are you going to deal with it?

• What strategy are you going to use?

• Write down a short account of what happened, what you did, what the outcome was and how you felt about it, or think about it ready to discuss next week.

NEXT WEEK

We will be looking at the wider family

SESSION 6

The wider family

SESSION PLAN

• Importance of time for you• Importance of communication• Handling conflict• Family vision and traditions• Family vision statement

IMPORTANCE OF TIME FOR YOU

On a plane parents put on their own oxygen mask before helping their child

EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT

IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION

“I” MESSAGES

• When you…

• I feel…

• Because…

• Would you…

HANDLING CONFLICTSTOP BAD HABITS

S – scoring points

T – thinking the worst

O – opting out

P – putting down

STOP SCORING POINTS

• Apologise, deal with the issue and don’t allow things to get out of control.

• Swallow your pride and put your relationship first.

STOP THINKING THE WORST

• Make sure your conclusions are fair.

• Ask questions.

• Check your assumptions. You may be pleasantly surprised.

STOP OPTING OUT

• Say you’re feeling under pressure but keep talking.

• Let the other person know you care.

• You could ask for time out and suggest another time when you can give your full attention.

STOP PUTTING DOWN

• Recognise your bad attitude.

• Look for the good things your partner/child does and compliment them.

PRINCIPLES FOR HANDLING CONFLICT

• Pick your battles and be prepared to compromise

• Don’t pick up on everything

• Ask yourself ‘why is this such a big deal for me?’

• Do we need to lower our expectations to become more realistic?

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FAMILY TRADITIONS

Traditions are a valuable way to create strong, lasting memories and to create a connected family.

Do you have any memories of family traditions? Some can be very simple and not cost much.

FAMILY VISION STATEMENTFamilies are important and valuable. We need to do all we can to keep them strong, stable and loving.

Writing a family vision statement is a good way of working out what is important to you as a family and how you might keep your identity as a family.

Suggestion for structure: We will…We won’t…We hope that…

FAMILY VISION STATEMENT

We will… be polite

We won’t… shout at each other

We hope that… our family will be friendly and loving

REFLECTION

• Reviewed focus for the week activity

• Importance of time for you

• Importance of communication

• Ways of handling conflict

• Family traditions

• Family vision statement

FINAL THOUGHTS

• What have you enjoyed most about the course?

• What is the main thing you learnt from the course?

• Name one hope that you have for your family’s future

THANK YOU FOR COMING

www.careforthefamily.org.uk