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SELF-REFLECTION OR SELF-EXAMINATION AT THE TIME OF LIFE TRANSITION AND CRISES: WHEN WE ENCOUNTER DIFFICULTIES SHOULD WE ENGAGE IN SELF-EXAMINATION?

Shujiro Mizuno、Ed.D.Ｒｉｓｓｈｏ University、Ｊａｐａｎ

Average age 50.81（male=47,female=66, unidentified =7）。

Age n20s ５30s 1440s 3050s 3960s 2470s 3Unidentified 5total 120

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With whom have you had conflicts?Spouse 18（15％）

Friend (same sex) 14（12％）

Friend (differentsex)

4（３％）

Work senior 8（7％）

Parents 25（21％）

Work related 32（27％）

Miscellaneousunidentified

18（15％）

What happened?Harsh words byothers

６（5％）

Generally offended 31（26％）

I was undervalued 12（10％）

I offended someone 21（18％）

Physically injured 7（6％）

Illness 13（11％）

A positive event butpsychologicalburden

4（3％）

A negative event 18（15%）

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Reflecting back on the conflict, what insight did you get ?

I was wrong 18人（15％）

The other party waswrong

2人（2％）

I saw the situationobjectively andcalmed down

31人（26％）

I made a resolutionto change

18人（19％）

I had continuednegative feelings

23人（19％）

I had positivefeelings

22人（18％）

What are the outcomes of self-reflection ?I need some amendsmade.

24（20％）

I will apologize 8（７％）I need moreinformation

7（6％）

Only on the offendersIllness or death

2（2％）

Talking it through 8 (7%)I am the one to blame 21(18%)Time 5 (4%)Projection (like myfather) and pity

5 (4%)

Noting can be done 7 (6%)

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What comes after self-reflection• Better understanding about the situation and the

offender as well as offended party.• Distancing from the conflict due to the passing of time• Blaming others and the need for apology• The need to have more information about the incident• Change of feelings over the conflict because of

psychological growth• Giving up and feeling powerless• The realization that I did something wrong and still

feeling negative.• I become calm and distance myself from the incident• The knowledge that humans tend to err.• Pity or compassion towards the wrong doers.

Psychological gains through self-reflection

• If we can reflect upon ourselves, we can get a better view of the whole incident, such as knowing the offenders, oneself, others, and the situation.

• As a result of self-reflection, we could get a better understanding. However unless the situation improves, a sense of powerlessness remains.

• Japanese victims may feel responsible for becoming victims of crime even though they have no fault.

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Continued• Sometimes in distancing oneself from the unfavorable situation, one can calmly accept the situation.

• If you feel compassion for the offenders, you will be saved from misery and anger.

• Humans tend to commit errors. Even criminals have some goodness in them.

What forgiveness meansby Joanna North“When unjustly hurt by another we forgive when we overcome the resentment toward the offender, not by denying our right to the resentment, but instead by trying to offer the wrongdoer compassion, benevolence, and love; as we give these, we as forgivers realize that the offender does not necessarily have a right to such gifts.”

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Robert Enright(2001)Forgiveness is a choic.APA LifeTools

•Forgiveness is a process.

•Are you seeking liberation from the emotional prison?

Phase one: Uncovering your anger• How have you avoided dealing with your anger.• Have you faced your anger?• Are you afraid to expose your shame or guilt?• Has your anger affected your health?• Have you obsessed about the injury or the offender?• Did you compare your situation with that of offender?• Has the injury caused a permanent change in your life?• Has the injury changed your world view?

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Phase Two: Deciding to forgive• Decide that what you have been doing hasn’t worked.• Be willing to begin the forgiveness process.• Decide to forgive.

Phase three: Working on forgiveness• Work toward understanding.• Work toward compassion.• Accept the pain.• Give the offender a gift.

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Phase four: Discovery and release from emotional prison• Discover the meaning of suffering.• Discover your need for forgiveness.• Discover that you are not alone.• Discover the purpose of your life.• Discover the freedom of forgiveness.

A Story of Reflection• In A Record of Ancient Matters (8th), we can find the

example of self-reflection. There is a mythical story about how the Sun-goddess, Amaterasu withdrew from the world of aggression and anger and shut herself up in a cave . This teaches us whenever we encounter difficulties, we should engage in self-reflection.

Why reflction?She accepted that the cause of the problems was

her own fault. She engaged in self-examination to enhance her

character.

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Susano-o had damaged the rice fields belonging to

his sister by breaking down the divisions between

them and filling in the ditches.

Amaterasu refrained from retaliation against this

as an expression of good will explaining that she

wanted to enlarge her rice fields and improve their

conditions.

Sunsano-o desecrated her sacred shrine.

Amaterasu tolerated and excused this as a

forgivable mistake, on the ground that he had

been completely drunk.

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• Finally Susano-o skinned a horse alive and dropped it into the sacred shrine where the maidens of Amaterasu were engaged in weaving divine garments, frightening one of them to death.

Amaterasu took the whole responsibility for what had happened and attributed it to her own lack of moral virtue. She did so not out of weakness but because of her pious, penitent and considerate nature, which is, the essence of benevolence.

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Japanese modelPhase one : ReframingAmaterasu suffered repeatedly from the offensive and insulting behavior of her brother (Susano-o), including his polluting of her holy shrine. But each time she reframed what had happened, excusing him on the grounds that he had been drunk, and refused to break off relations with him despite all of his provocations.

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• As soon as Amaterasu, the Sun goddess had confined herself in the cave, the country was covered in darkness.

• Amenouzume, one of female deities started to dance. All the other deities immediately began to laugh at the amusing spectacle.

Amaterasu Continued

Curious, Amaterasu emerged from the cave.

Her appearance had changed totally owing to

her attainment of higher moral virtue.

All the deities outside, looking at her shining

face, discerned a grace and nobility that she

had never possessed before.

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Amaterasu

Seeing the moral transformation of his sister,

Susano-o deeply repented of his violent ways.

Amaterasu had brought peace to the land

by self-reflection or self-examination.

She also gained greater respect from the

deities than ever before.

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This was not a display of aggressive, vehement

passion, but rather one of inner-strength that

encompasses others gently.

-Instead of rebuking others, she worked

toward the perfection of her own character.

This created:

• self-empowerment

• a significant moral effect upon others

• the realization of peace and peaceful relations.

Social responsibility means constantly striving

towards benevolence, as has been consistently

shown by the world sages.

Self-reflection does not mean mere reflection

upon one’s lack of virtue, it means striving to

perfecting one’s character.

Tolerance does not mean merely ignoring or

permitting the wrong-doings of others. In spite of

their failings, we must treat them with sincere

loving-kindness.

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•So Amaterasu shut herself away in the holy cave and concentrated on serious self-reflection or self-examination with the aim of enhancing her own character.

Phase two: Acceptance of responsibility

• Amaterasu took the whole responsibility for her brother’s delinquent behavior on herself and attributed it to her own lack of moral virtue.

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Phase three: Self-reflection

• Since she believed herself to be at fault, Amaterasuwithdrew from the world of aggression and anger and, in the dark of a cave, concentrated on serious self-examination with the aim of enhancing her own character.

Phase four: Attaining security of mind

In the process, after adopting an attitude of “benevolence, tolerance, and self-examination,” she was able to achieve real security of mind.

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As the result of self-reflectionExerting a moral influence on others (the second result)• Amaterasu not only elevated her own character to a

higher moral plane but, as a result, was now able to have a moral effect on others, including even her recalcitrant brother, whom she forgave for what he had done.

Psychological benefits (1)• It was a restrained attitude, which did not allow for any

display of aggressive, vehement passion, but which nonetheless displayed the inner strength to absorb the injustices of others.

• It did not provoke her to fight over what was right or wrong. Even if we rely only on just means, we cannot always secure justice for ourselves. So instead of trying to do so, we should work toward the perfection of our moral character.

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Psychological benefits(2)

• Undertaking self examination can empower us in the face of difficulties, humiliation, and harm.

• It can also have a significant moral effect upon others as well as enhancing the moral character of those who practice it.

• The principles of benevolence, tolerance, and self-examination can be applied so as to allow us to create a peaceful society.

Enright mode of forgiveness

Japanese model of self-reflection

Phase１ Uncovering your anger

Reframing

Phase２ Deciding to forgive Acceptance of responsibility

Phase３ Working on forgiveness

Working on self-reflection

Phase 4 Discovery and release from emotional prison

Peace and security of mind

Benefits Resolving anger and

restoring hope

Enhancing one’s character and exertion of moral influence on others

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Episode Mr. ｉｄａｋａ’s self-reflectionPhase oneWhen Mr. Idaka was asked for advice by fathers who

had trouble educating their sons, he said to them, “Your son is a reflection of yourself in the mirror. You have made your son what he is now. It is time that you know what makes up your life and accept what it really is. You have to embrace your son with gratitude and love. By doing this you can repay your indebtedness to your benefactors and work hard to better your character.”

Phase 2: A serious car accident of his son due to reckless driving

• Mr. Idaka engaged in self-reflection. Then , an insight came to Mr. Idaka: that he was not a good son either.

• First, Mr. Idaka became a sailor against the will of his parents. Second, he usually returned home very late at night, as did his own son. Third, when he was young he had several girl friends as well.

• Despite all his bad behaviour, Mr. Idaka’s mother prayed for his health and well-being and was even willing to risk her own life to save her son. However, Mr. Idaka still criticized the bad conduct of his son and constantly blamed him for his misdeeds.

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Phase 3• He realized that he had to change his attitudes to his son

and that he should feel grateful for his son for providing Mr. Idaka and his wife such an opportunity for self-examination. Mr. Idaka vowed that he would dedicate everything he had for repaying the indebtedness to his parents and other benefactors.

Phase 4• After his decision, his attitudes to his troubled son totally

changed. Following this change of attitude by the parents, their appreciation of their son changed to that of gratitude. They also worked harder toward the betterment of their character.

• A month later after their life changing decision, the son wrote them a long letter, apologizing for his bad behaviour and expressed a desire to work hard to succeed his father’s business.

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Conclusion• First, self-reflection is oriented toward to enhancement of

one’s character.• Second, by self-reflection we can gain an insight into the

personal conflicts which lead to an acceptance of our responsibility.

• Third, self-reflection is narrative in nature. The importance of narrative lies in meaning of the story told.

• Fourth, the key of self-reflection is our relationship with others. Only the reflection of true selves on the mirror called the other person, can we see the true nature of our experiences.

• Fifth, this model of self-reflection can be applied to everyday conflicts in our life.

• All the pictures and illustrations are from Kojiki, retold by Takeshi Umerasa, Gakushu Kenkysha, 1980.

• Robert Enright(2001)Forgiveness is a choic.APA LifeTools

• Ryan K., Lerner, R.,Bohlin, K., Nakayama O., Mizuno,S.,Horiuchi, K. 2011. Happiness and Virtue: Beyond East and West Toward a New Global Responsibility. Tuttle.