DVinFaith/spiritualbasedMulticulturalCommunitiesSymposium,UniversityofSouthAustralia23rd October,2017Presentedby

NinaTradAzam,AASWRegistered,AccreditedMentalHealthSocialWorker,Director/FounderSelfActualizeAustraliaLtd.

Self-ActualizeAustraliatostopFamilyandDomesticViolence

Self-ActualizeAustraliatostopFamilyandDomesticViolence

OVERVIEWFamily&DVinfluencedbyPoliticalandEnvironmentalStressors.• Caseexamples:ChildhoodEmotionalNeglectascontributorstoFamilyandDV1. DVthroughmisuseofPolygamyconditions,childmarriage&sexualassaultin

marriages.2. Intergenerationaltraumaandviolence3. RefugeeTraumaandsexualviolence

• Recommendations

“Thebestofyouishewhoiskindesttotheirfamily.”ProphetMohamadPBUH

DVisthecontinuedhistoric,political,economic,structural,&personalpowerinequalitybetweenthegendersinsociety.Emotional.Financial.Psychological.Physical.Sexual.Intimidation

Examplesoffinancialloss,emotional&familyviolence:“Emotionalblackmailtokillwife’sfamilyoverseasinIraqifshepursuedherlegalrighttoa divorcesettlementintheAustraliancourts.”reportedbyDVvictim

Confessionsofaperpetrator“Sheforcedmetohither,becausesheisstubborn….……...but,Iknowthatitswrongtohitawoman”.ReportedbyaDVperpetrator

ViolentexternalsystemsaremirroredinViolentfamilysystems

• Socially,Institutionally,Schools,Work,Politics,Media,TV,Radio• Humanrelationshipsalwaysreflectenvironmentalconditions“NoevidenceexiststosupportthatwomeninMuslimcommunities– ofwhichtherearemanydiversegroupsinAustralia- experiencedomesticviolenceatahigherrate”

• 1in4Australianwomenexperienceintimatepartnerviolenceintheirlifetimewithonewomenkilledperweekbyacurrentorformerpartnerina12monthperiod.WhiteRibbon.org.au

‘Womenareexpectedtobepatient’MusimWomanDVSurvivor

EducatebothspousestoExpectRespect• Islamwasthefirstreligiontoemancipatewomenbygivinginheritancerights,thenwhydomenthinkthatwomenmustbefinanciallysubordinatetothem?

• Intimaterelationshipsmanners&boundaries• Men’sobligationstotreatwomenwithdignityandprovidefinanciallyforherneeds.• Sexisnotarightbutaprivilege,afterhehasfulfilledherneeds,andshe’sconsented–otherwise,itssexualassault

• Polygamy- emotionalandpsychologicalabuseforwomanandchildren,illegalinAustralia,soWHYaremenobsessedwithit.

• IfaMuslimmustobeythelawsofthelandwheretheyliveandpolygamyisillegal,then,theyarebreakingtheLAW.

• EMPOWERMOTHERStoEMPOWERTHEIR DAUGHTERS• Psycho-educationalmentoringforbothpartnersforthefirsttwoyearsofmarriageinalldomainsoflifedomains;financial,health,social,parenting,educationandworkbypositiverolemodels.

Religion,Culture,Shame &Blame• ChildrenwhowitnessDVaretraumatisedforlife,developinglearningandrelationshipdifficultiesandasmallpercentageofboysgoontouseviolence.

• ChildmarriageofdaughtersduetofearsofpromiscuitybecausenonMuslimgirlfriendshaveboyfriendsVersusempowermenttohaveeducationalaspirations

• RepresentsintergenerationalPatriarchyandsexism&leadstopooremotionalregulation,lowself-esteem,poorboundaries&higherdivorcerates.• Girlsareexpectedtobemothersonlyanddiscouragedtoworkorstudybuttomarrywell,especiallyifsheispretty.

• Equal,ethical,HealthyRelationshipsMUSTbepromotedandgirlstaughttobeassertiveandfightfortheirdignityifmistreated.

Parentswhoplacedaughtersatriskbyemotionallymanipulatingthemtoreturntoviolentrelationshipsusingreligiousreferencesaredoingmoreemotional&psychologicalharm.TheyneedtobeEDUCATEDTOSTOP&LEARNTOLOVETHEIRDAUGHTERS!

Secretmarriages:emotional&psychologicalabuse‘Ifuniversally,theessenceofmarriageissociallyaccepted&agreed tobepubliclycelebrated,thenasecretmarriageisaformofemotional&psychologicalabuse.’

Iestablished&conveneOmarMosque,WomenofWisdom- WOWCommittee forthepreventionofFamily&DomesticViolence,after10yrs ofstruggle:Thepurposeisto:- Developasupportgroupforwomen&families- AdviseImamonallpsycho-socialmattersrelatingtowomen&families- Educationaboutfamily,DV,SexualAssault,Polygamy,childmarriage- Premaritalmentoringconversations- Referral&advocacy- SupportImamresolvedisputeslocallyinsteadofreferringtoSydney- ThemosquechairmanwantstobeincontrolofWOW

Case1:13yr oldRefugeeboyviolenttowardsmother• HistoryofFamilyviolencemodelledbyfatherinSyria• Mother(divorceeclinicallydepressed,wishingtoremarry)-metaEgyptianmanonFB,exjealous,instructingsontohitmother&bringhimtoAustraliainstead,13yr oldsontold“yourthemanofthehouseintheabsenceofthefather&shouldnotallowmumtobringastrangemanintothehouse.”- (psychologicalmanipulation,abuse&oppressionofmother)

• Psychological&emotionalimpactonsiblings,angrysonremotelycontrolledbyfathertohitmother&sisters,troubled,usingdrugs,truanting,motherunabletocontrolhim.

• Police,school,difficultyengaginghim.Angry&dangerousasachildsittingonthenoseofthistank

Case2:ComplexcaseDV(VAN)• Allegedhistoryofchildsexualassaultof2daughtersaged6,and7byfatherpriortoarrivinginAustralia2.5yearsagofromIraq,andsonage3yrs,motheralertedhisfamilywithnosupport.HistoryofDV,filed2complaintsinIraqcourtfordivorce,fatherdiscouragedherfromproceeding.

• AVOinplace,Jirt &Policeinvestigationsveryslow,seriousallegations,2breachesofAVO,stillnotcharged,unlikelyPoliceproceedingduetolackofevidence.

• Motherlivinginfearandwantsdivorce;ImamsrefusaltograntdivorceuntiltheAustralianlegaloneisfinalized“incaseheisfoundinnocentoftheallegations” -SoundFamiliar?patriarchalvictimblamingoffemalevictim.

• WhyisthereanABSENCEofqualifiedfemaleImam’s?

ProposedInterventions

• PriortoVisa,iftheAustralianEmbassy,performedacomprehensivePsycho-socialassessmentitmayhavepre-emptedtheseissuesinBOTHCASESandavoidedtheproblemsofknownseriousDVperpetrators.

• SafeinterviewingwithoutjeopardizingtheVisaapplicationofthefamilywhilstensuringthefamily’ssafety&riskminimizationoffurtherfamily&DV.ThisinterventionshouldbeonlyperformedbyanotherbilingualfemaleSocialWorkerofthesamefaith&cultureoverstagestobuildtrustandarelationship,includingvisitstothepersonintheirownlivingenvironment.

• Participatinginmandatory,culturallyappropriatePsycho-socialeducationcourses/workshopsonDVPrevention,childwelfare,relationships,dealingwithgrief&loss,trauma&parentingwhilstawaitingrefugeeapplicationbyallmembersofthefamily.

CostsofNOTtreatingDVTrauma• Perpetuallifelongmentalhealthissues,socialisolation&dysfunction• Chronicdiseaseburdenfromaccumulatedemotionalselfneglect,psychologicalstressors&on-goinginterpersonalconflict,grief&loss.

• Inabilitytounderstandboundaries,regulateemotionsincludingpoorparentingskillsandrisktakingbehaviourorpoordecisionmaking.

• Vulnerabletoexploitationbymorepowerful,usedastoolsforsocialengineeringduetounmetneedsofpeoplepleasing&seekingacceptance;ie gangs,‘socialviolence’(aka;terrorism)

• Safetyrisktothemselvesandothersinsociety• HighriskofintergenerationaltraumacycleofDVEmotional+$$$$$$$+Psychological+PHYSICAL=Accumulativeandintergenerational.OnlySTOPSthroughSELFACTUALIZATIONofindividualSTRENGTHS&potential.

Recommendations:MOSQUESasCOMMUNITY,CULTURAL&MEDIATIONCENTRES• PROACTIVEGovernmentFunded Programs:• Relationshipandpsychosocialskillsbuilding.• TraumaHealingtopromote resilience,EmotionalRegulation,Restorying, Stressmanagement.• ConflictResolution training.• Premaritalpsycho-socialeducationworkshops (focusingon relationshipEthics,Valuesclarification)• StructuredProblemSolvingskillsforpartners, families• Youthresiliencecoaching- understanding acculturation&identity• TwomandatorycriteriaforMosqueAccreditation&Funding;• 1.AllImamstohaverecognisedUniversityqualifications inSocialWork,mediation&conflictresolutionskills&bepaidagovernmentsalary.

• 2.MinimumquotaofwomenonmosqueexecutivemanagementcommitteeswithUniversitySocialWorkqualifications.• Mandatorycoursesonemotional,physical,spiritual&mentalresilience&emotional intelligence, someImamslackbothandneedtolearntheartofpublicspeaking.

Wedon’tchooseourdestiny,butwecanchoosehowtoreact&gainthestrength tolearntoswim.FundingAMHSWiscriticalforcommunitydevelopmentprojectswiththeAustralianMuslimcommunitytohelpthemselfactualizeandstopfamily&DomesticViolence.Thankyou