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CHAPTER29Gentleness

KEY IDEA I am thoughtful, considerate and calm in my dealings with others.

KEY VERSE Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

–Philippians 4:5

Begin by reciting the Key Verse and the Key Idea together as a group.

LESSON

INTRODUCTION

Jesus told his followers to learn two things from him – humility and gentleness. (Matthew 11:29)

How would you define "gentleness"? Let's look at some definitions of gentleness:> The dictionary gives these definitions.

1. Considerate or kindly in disposition; amiable and tender.2. Not harsh or severe; mild and soft: a gentle scolding; a gentle tapping at the window.

> KJV Dictionary1. Mild; meek; soft; bland; not rough, harsh or severe; as a gentle nature, temper or disposition; a gentle manner; a gentle address; a gentle voice.2. Tame; peaceable; not wild, turbulent or refractory (stubborn or unmanageable); as a gentle horse or beast.3. Soothing; pacifistic.4. Treating with mildness; not violent.

> Life Study Bible1. Restraint coupled with strength and courage.

> Other definitions.<The Old French word inferred that someone had a quality of meekness (Mod. Eng. 'genteel') that was supposed to be characteristic of noble birth or the ruling class - setting aside for the moment their business ruthlessness<Having the quality of being gentle or tender. It's the noun form of adjective 'gentle': considerate in disposition, mild in mood, soft, tender; well-managed, not sudden or rash or angry, taking care not to harm others. <The word field of 'gentleness' includes meekness, tenderness, careful, chivalrous, and kindness.

BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness Page 1First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA

<The Greek term in Galatians 5:22 is prautes, which is about mildness or meekness of spirit, taking care not to cause harm.

The Bible says this about gentleness: Jesus was gentle. Be gentle when restoring a follower to fellowship. Gentleness is a way of life within a marriage. Pursue it. God treats us gentle by forgiving us. A gentle wordturns away wrath.

>The point is that God wants us to be gentle.

The biblical qualities of meekness and gentleness are misunderstood and undervalued in today's society of extremes—where all too often people tend to angrily overreact or passively underreact. -- UNKNOWN

GENTLENESS AS A FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT 22 God’s Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful,23 gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways.

The Holy Spirit works in us to be more like Christ (Ephesians 4:14-16), and part of the fruit, or results, of that work is gentleness.

Gentleness is an interesting fruit of the Spirit, it has a direct tie-in to Jesus. In Revelation, John looks for a lion but finds a Lamb.> Like the other characteristics of spiritual fruit, gentleness is an aspect of God’s character which God’s followers take on as they follow Christ.

< The fruit of ‘gentleness’ isn’t about being wishy-washy, indecisive, or unassertive. Instead, it’s a refusal to use power to harm anyone, wounding them for vengeance, spite or control.

^ Gentleness desires that no harm be done.^ There are gentle ways to be bold, non-violent ways to stand up for what is right, and non-manipulative ways to lead and to convince. But it is not human nature to be gentle.

[Gentleness] goes beyond 'instinct', or 'education', or 'society's influence'. We are simply not gentle creatures. Certainly not males, despite the term 'gentleman'. Males are quick with the fists, the knives, and the guns. Women have historically been more gentle, but that's a relative matter; they have their own ways of being vicious and destructive. Hostility is even a trait of our families - parents getting angry and abusive with their children, spouses being especially cruel to each other. Today's world rewards hostility and going to a extreme. If we are to bear the fruit of gentleness, we need the Spirit to give us the ability to be gentle when it's hardest to be that way.—SPIRITHOME.COM

Your thoughts on this quote. Is it realistic, or too harsh? BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness Page 2First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA

Gentleness is more than a personal disposition. It’s an outgrowth of love. It is when you care enough to choose not to be harsh, rash, angry, or rough.> A gentle person knows better than to harm others, and so chooses to act in a way that does not.> A gentle person does not seek to make other people angry.> Gentleness may lose battles, but it helps win the overall struggles.

< A gentle response tends to create fewer enemies, and more friends.

The greatest power on earth is the power of the Holy Spirit. It is this Spirit—God's Spirit—that enables people to be far more meek and gentle than they could ever be without it, as Paul shows in his letter to the churches of Galatia.

<What the Galatians needed was to "walk in the Spirit" (5:16).< Paul wrote of how the Spirit would transform lives.

^ God doesn't leave us on our own to work up these virtues. By putting our faith in God, repenting of our sins, we can "receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38).^ With our analogy of the vine, branches, and fruit, we continue bearing spiritual fruit. The key is to stay attached. (John 15:1-6).

It's easy to see how the attributes among the fruit of the Spirit overlap and relate to each other. > Meekness and gentleness relate very closely to love, longsuffering (being patient and not short-tempered), kindness and self-control.> It's also easy to see how desperately our world needs God's Spirit to overcome the ugly and evil tendencies of human nature (Galatians 5:19-21).

< Gentleness places our strength under God's guidance.

GENTLENESS--MEEKNESS Gentleness, also translated “meekness,” does not mean weakness. Rather, it involves humility and thankfulness toward God, and polite, restrained behavior toward others. > The opposites of gentleness are anger, a desire for revenge, and self-glorification.> Gentleness is not being weak, as with meekness, gentleness is strength under control.

< It takes a strong person to be truly gentle.> It allows us to be tender as we think about how God, who transcends all things beyond our comprehension, treats us with tenderness and care.

< The understanding of His sovereignty, will move us from the hurriedness of life and the cruelty that goes with it, to be able to take our time to be gentle with relationships.

^ Gentleness allows us to be caring and nurturing to others. } It helps us stay calm and not escalate problems with others.} It helps us build others up, by allowing them to grow. } It places others first -- being selfless.

In the King James Version, when Paul lists "meekness" as a characteristic of the fruit of the spirit he uses the Greek word of which "meekness" is the closest translation.>We are to be meek

< First in our relationship with God (yielded, teachable, responsive ).BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness Page 3First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA

< Secondly in our relationships with people (humble, gentle, respectful ).^ To become this kind of person, God must tame and train us!

>Meekness is an important part of love. "Love is patient, love is kind . . . It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered" (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

The Bible places great value on meekness. Jesus said, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5). But "meek" is no longer a popular or commonly used word, modern Bible translationssubstitute the synonymous word "gentle." >We must be aware that gentleness refers mostly to actions, whereas meekness refers toattitude— one's whole state of mind as well as actions.

<Meekness produces gentleness. This explains why meekness is one of the beatitudes for which God promises blessings.

As state above meekness is not weakness. Many people confuse "meek" with "weak." Godly meekness requires strength!> For a physical comparison: if you were badly injured and needed someone to gently carry you, wouldn't you want someone who was really strong? You wouldn't want a person who might stumble or clumsily struggle with you.>Adding to the confusion is the idea that angry reactions are "normal."

<As a result, some people assume that a person who doesn't retaliate must be afraid or unassertive – a wimp. <But true strength is shown by a secure individual who stays cool, thinks first and then responds in the way that will best help the other person. (See Proverbs 15:1)

> Consider God, He is all- powerful:<He never misuses His power. < He never overreacts.< He is gentle with His often-unruly children and always does what is best for us.

>Consider also the example Jesus Christ set while on earth. <Although He could call on divine power, He was approachable, sympathetic, kind and loving. <He used His power for healing rather than hurting.

QUALITIES THAT RELATE TO MEEKNESS AND GENTLENESS Meekness includes voluntarily “submitting to one another” (Ephesians 5:21).> Peter spoke of the importance of submission of all kinds in 1 Peter:

< Christians toward government (2:13)< Servants toward masters (2:18)< Christ’s example of submitting to His tormentors (2:21-25).< Wives toward their husbands (3:1).< Husbands were to express gentleness to their wives (3:7).< Christians toward everyone (3:15).“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

Two scriptures use another Greek word that specifically means "gentle."


> One says that "a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach" (2 Timothy 2:24 NKJV)> And the other one speaks of Paul's great love for those in the churches he watched over. "But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children." (I Thess. 2:7)

GENTLENESS TOWARD OTHERS Every person is powerful. We can speak words that influence others; we can act in ways that help or hurt; and we can choose what influences will inform our words and actions. >Gentleness keeps that power in check.

<To be gentle is to recognize that God's ways and thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9).< To be gentle is to realize that our worldviews are shaped by exposure to sin and the misinterpretation of experience, due to the influences of the world.

^ It is to accept God's worldview, witnessing the truth about the spiritual and the material worlds.

When we are filled with the Spirit’s fruit of gentleness, we will correct others with easiness instead of arguing in resentment and anger, knowing that our witness is more important than our pride.> We will forgive, because any offense toward us is nothing compared to our offenses against God—offenses He's already forgiven (Matthew 18:23-35).> Competition and denominationalism will disappear, as the goal becomes less about ourselves and more about the gospel (Philippians 1:15-18).

On the other end, sometimes we tend to think it is gentle to go easy on people and try to justify actions that God has called sin. Or to let someone continue in sin without speaking the truth.>Paul says, "If anyone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness" (Galatians 6:1).

< This doesn't mean to be so soft that the sinner doesn't realize he's sinned. < It means to confront them in a manner that is in line with Scripture—to be mild, loving, encouraging, and clear about the holiness that God calls us to.

Gentleness is the character that will show calmness, personal care, tenderness and the Love of Christ in meeting the needs of others. > It is to be more than just a personality; it is to be who we are from the work of the Sprit within us. (See also: Prov. 15:1; Isa. 40:11; 42:2-3; Phil. 4: 5; Matt. 5:5; 11:29; 12:15;Eph. 4:1-2; Col. 3:16; 2 Timothy 2:24; 1 Thessalonians 2:7)> Roughness and violence are the opposite of gentleness!

< When we have the mindset to just see what we can get out of life and make a name for ourselves we miss out on what is best for our own benefit.

^ It causes us to show pride and arrogance and see others as insignificant.^ Seeking our own significance and self-glory ignores God's providence and glory.

Positive examples of gentleness from Scripture:


< (Isa. 40:11; 42:1-3; Matt. 11:28-29; Luke 7:36-50; 10:38-42; John 8: 1-11; I Thess. 2:7-8)Negative examples of gentleness from Scripture:

< (Nub. 20:2-13; II Sam. 18:10-15; 19:1-8; I Kings 21: 5-14; Luke 9:51-56)

A GENTLE ATTITUDE TOWARD GOD It is to our advantage to have a gentle attitude toward God because He is omniscient and we are not. > Job 38:4 records God as saying, "Tell me, if you have understanding." God knows everything -- past, present, and future.

> God does understand, more than we could possibly know (Psalm 44:21).

Gentleness also means giving up the right to judge what is best for ourselves and others. > God is not as concerned with our comfort as He is concerned with our spiritual growth, and He knows how to grow us far better than we do. > Gentleness means that we accept that the rain falls on the evil and the just and that God may use methods we don't like to reach our hearts and the hearts of others.> To live in a spirit of gentleness toward God is to accept His judgment on people and issues.

WHAT DOES A CHRISTIAN FIGHT FOR? Should a Christian be a fighter?> A physical fighter, no; a spiritual fighter, yes.

< After Paul wrote to Timothy to "pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness," he went on to say, "Fight the good fight of faith" (1 Timothy 6:11-12).

^ This kind of fight is not against people but against evil influences, especially those of Satan and his demons (Ephesians 6:11-12).^ But we are to use spiritual weapons, not physical weapons (2 Corinthians 10:4).

< Successful spiritual warfare requires great courage and endurance. Paul wrote, "Be on you guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong." (1 Corinthians 16:13).

^ But in our relationships with people, we are not to be combative or argumentative (Romans 12:10, 16-18).^ When we are hurt, we are not to retaliate out of reflex reaction. This is what Jesus meant by loving everyone and turning the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-45).

> Since we all like to be treated gently, we should treat everyone else gently. (Luke 6:31).

GROWING IN GENTLENESS AND MEEKNESS To keep your attitudes and actions meek and gentle, you will need to be counter-cultural. It seems to be against the culture's current actions of rudeness and roughness.> Paul wrote about this type of culture: "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud abusive, disobedience to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good."" (2 Timothy 3:1-3).


Do you thing that this describes much of the content on television, movies and other media? In a world that cheers when athletes smash into each other and applauds insults as a form of entertainment, is gentleness even relevant anymore? We must remind ourselves often that an important part of being a Christian witness in the world is having godly meekness and gentleness.

WHY DOES GOD WANT US TO DEMONSTRATE GENTLENESS? Philippians 4:5 tells us to "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."> Why does God want His followers to be concerned with how gently they think, act or talk? There are several reasons:

< God is overwhelmingly gentle with us when we sin and need correction, and He expects us to be the same way with others.< Gentleness shows the world that the way of violent encounters and situations ruled by emotion is not the better way.< God wants us to demonstrate gentleness because human beings require a gentle touch in order to truly change their lives and come to Him.

God wants us to give Him control of our lives. Relying on our own logic, we have no incentive to submit to God's leadership.> With the wisdom given to us by the Holy Spirit, we begin to see why we should completely submit to God as Lord of our lives.> Gentleness places our strength under God's guidance; it is a powerful tool for the kingdom.

HOW DO WE DEMONSTRATE MORE GENTLENESS? Even though gentleness is typically regarded as something that is weak, mild or nonassertive, when we consider that it is a result ("fruit") of God's Holy Spirit being active in our lives and that being gentle requires the strength of self-control, thoughtfulness, tact and concern--we should see it in a different way.> Modern examples of gentleness are uncommon. How do we stay above the harsh, cruel and angry world around us?

< Apologize quickly after angry or emotional outbursts.^ We are human beings with powerful emotions and outbursts will happen, but a gentle person will realize how the things they've said might have affected others and will apologize.^ Seek to make amends and seek to gain the self-control that will prevent such outbursts in the future.

< Remind ourselves of God's gentleness with us.


^ Chances are, we would not want to be on the receiving end of our own "gentleness." How would we want God to correct us or point something out to us?

< Think about what our attitude looks like.^ For example: When we see someone doing something wrong, are we ready to go on the attack? Or are we ready to think of ideas of how to help someone overcome a sin?

> Being gentle doesn't mean that we should not be strong in our beliefs, but it does imply that we should be wise and loving in expressing those beliefs to others.> God shows tough love and teaches hard lessons to humans, all the while being the very definition of gentleness.

KEY QUESTION: How do I demonstrate thoughtfulness and consideration toward others?

PARAPHRASED FROM THINK, ACT, BELIEVE LIKE JESUS by Randy FrazeeWhat is it about this particular virtue that gives us fits? As a society, and even in the church, why are we so uptight? Tense? Stressed out? Why is gentleness such a stranger to so many? A greater question to ask is this: If Christ is present in our lives, why aren’t Christians markedly gentler than those who do not follow the gentle Healer?

As we open the Bible, we find insight into how we can become more like Jesus for the sake of those God has placed in our lives.

Nothing kills a family, a friendship, a neighborhood or even a church like pride, arrogance, anger, closed ears and raised voices. Since God is all about community he calls his followers to be gentle. Of course, he teaches us by modeling his virtue right in our midst.

GENTLE JESUS

When anyone opens the four Gospels and begins to read, they can observe the compassion and gentleness of Jesus. There are passages about how Jesus went about doing good (Acts 10:38), a person who attracted people for his gentleness and mercy.> Jesus himself drew attention to this trait, making it a motive for men to become his disciples.

Matthew 11:28-30 (CEV)If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest. This yoke is easy to bear, and this burden is light.

Five aspects of this self-description of Jesus are worthy of thought:> First, the Greek word here translated as "gentle," conveys the sense of humility and heartfelt meekness.

< The words "gentle" and "humble," placed together in this verse, form a single idea.> Second, Jesus' invitation to "learn" from him speaks of his relationship with the Father: (Matt. 11:27).


< The gentleness of Jesus is not simply a personality trait, it reveals and reflects the gentleness of God the Father.

> Third, there is nothing weak and feeble about the gentleness of Jesus. It is the gentleness of the divine strength.> Those tempted to interpret the gentleness of Jesus as some sort of benevolent, non-judgmental, universal tolerance must example more closely their understanding of Jesus. We see Jesus bringing condemnation in scripture.

^ See Matthew 11:21-24. Evidently the gentleness of Jesus is not incompatible with a generous measure of brimstone.

> Fourth, Jesus' gentleness has special reference to his suffering and death.< Matthew uses the same word as is found in Zechariah 9:9 which fulfills the prophecy of the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem during Passion Week (21:5).< The gentleness of Jesus is the humility of the Cross, when he took upon himself the form of the Suffering Servant described in Isaiah 53.

> Fifth, the gentleness of Jesus is not6 simply the context in which we learn from him. It also pertains to the very substance of what we learn.

< The Father does not reveal his Son to the "wise and learned" of this world, but to "children." (At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." -- Matthew 11:25)

^ The "children" are those who, because the Father reveals his Son to them, are able to recognize the King who comes to Jerusalem, gentle and sitting on a donkey.

} The "children" are the ones who will exercise the faith to carry out the work of God's Kingdom.

In our daily lives we cannot help coming into situations that bring conflicts with people. It is easy for us to naturally react with violence or anger, especially if we feel insecure in our position. But when we accept the reality of who we are in Christ and trust the Holy Spirit to help us, we can be gentle, whatever conflicts may arise.> Jesus showed true gentleness both in the midst of conflict and in the midst of popularity. His healings and miracles often brought the crowd to a high pitch of enthusiasm. But He refused to let them make Him the kind of king they wanted.> Jesus' awareness of His power enabled Him to be gentle to those in need.> His gentleness works. It brings forth righteousness, and it will bring forth justice in the earth.

Throughout the Bible we find stories and people who reinforce the fact that gentleness is a character trait that God has intended for us. Jesus, of course, is our greatest example of someone who displayed gentleness in his dealings with others. This is particularly true in his relationship with Peter. At the Last Supper the night before Jesus was crucified, Peter told Jesus he would die for him. Jesus, predicting Peter’s future betrayal, corrected him. (See John 13:31-38, pg. 453 in BELIEVE.)

Peter could not imagine betraying his master. He had left everything to follow Jesus. However, when Jesus was arrested later that evening the stakes increased beyond the fisherman’s allegiance. (See John 18:12-27, pg. 454 in BELIEVE.)> Peter did deny Jesus -- three times -- just as Jesus had predicted.


Sometime between Jesus’ resurrection and ascension to heaven, he appeared to seven of his disciples who had gone fishing. [Among them was Peter]. With a heart of gentleness, Jesus restored Peter’s relationship with him and reinstated Peter to a position of special responsibility in the church. (See John 21:1-19, pgs. 455-456 in BELIEVE.)

Peter’s relationship was fully restored by Jesus’ gentle invitation. Peter went on to stay in a relationship with Jesus for the remainder of his life.

NUGGETS ON GENTLENESSThe New Testament offers us wonderful nuggets on being thoughtful, considerate and calm. Jesus offered up powerful insights and encouragement in the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 5:5} Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Matthew 5:38-42} “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Inspired by the life and teaching of Jesus and led by the Holy Spirit, the apostles offered further understanding and encouragement on the virtue of gentleness.

Ephesians 4:2} Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:26-32} “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 6:4} Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:12} Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

1 Timothy 3:1-4} Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.


1 Timothy 5:1-2} Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

1 Timothy 6:10-11} The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

2 Timothy 2:24-26} The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

Titus 3:1-2} Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.

Peter told his readers that a thoughtful, considerate and calm gentleness is key in a marriage relationship.

1 Peter3:1-4} Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

1 Peter 3:7} Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

STORIES OF GENTLENESS: ABIGAILSamuel anointed young David to be the next king of Israel, but the reigning King Saul had it out for David, causing David to go on the run as a fugitive. To aggravate the situation, Samuel died. Having one more reason for despair, David journeyed farther into the desert and farther away from Saul. Here David encountered a couple who displayed opposite qualities — Abigail was wise and gentle, while Nabal was foolish and cruel. David asked Nabal only for reasonable payment for the protection that he and his men had voluntarily rendered for Nabal’s benefit. (See 1 Samuel 25:1-42, pgs. 460-462 in BELIEVE.)

SUMMARYAfter the death of the prophet Samuel, David and his men moved into the

wilderness of Paran just a few miles from the city of Carmel. While in this region, David became acquainted with a man named Nabal.


David (through his servants) asked Nabal to provide some necessary sustenance for him and his men but Nabal refused. David became angry to the point of desiring destruction of Nabal and all his men.

One of David's servants told Nabal's wife, Abigail, about the insults that had been hurled at David and his men by Nabal even though David's men had protected Nabal's men, animals, and property. As soon as Abigail heard of her husband's behavior toward David, she began to make preparations to make up for his actions. Without telling her husband of her plan, she and her servants prepared a large amount of food and drink and traveled to where David and his men were camped to supply them with their initial request.

Abigail prevented certain disaster regarding herself and her family by humbling herself before David. She did an extraordinary thing when she took the blame for the sin of her husband. She humbled herself and interceded for her people before David.

Desiring to intercede on behalf of one's family requires a character of humility, sacrifice and personal cost. The result of Abigail's actions was that David's heart was softened and he was kept from bloodshed that day. He accepted her offering and granted her request.

AN INTERESTING NOTE REGARDING DAVID'S LACK OF GENTLENESS: Nabal's answer made David very angry, and perhaps he regretted ever showing kindness to Nabal and his servants. Bud, David was not acting like himself.> David, after all, was a man after God's own heart. How could he seek the blood of Nabal and his men, just because he had been refused? How could he take revenge in this manner? This is the same David who spared the life of Saul, when he had the chance to return evil for evil.

< David, who was usually calm and considerate and displayed gentleness, now became heated and angry.

< Abigail's action caused David to calm down and kept him from sinning.< In her gentle nature, Abigail was able to restore peace to David's angry heart.< She prevented him from an act that could have separated him from God.< Her gentleness brought peace between her husband and David.

STORIES OF GENTLENESS: DAVIDOur gentleness toward others is tested most when things are not going well for us — when we are frustrated, tired or discouraged. David was now king of Israel but his son Absalom had conspired against him to take the throne. Uncertain of the extent of Absalom’s support, David feared being trapped in Jerusalem and wanted to spare the city a bloodbath. So he fled as a fugitive once again. On his way out of Jerusalem, David experienced a situation that was nearly unbearable. How would he respond? (See 2 Samuel 16:5-14, pg. 463 in BELIEVE.)

SUMMARYShimei was a man of the Israelite tribe of Benjamin who held a grudge against

King David who was of the Israelite tribe of Judah. He resented that David had replaced King Saul; Saul and Shimei were both Benjamites.


When David was forced to flee Jerusalem during an attempted coup by his son Absolom, Shimei, thinking that David's days as king were over, vented his rage at David -- which David humbly submitted himself to.

Shimei runs atop the ravine above the fleeing king. For years he has seethed, harboring resentment toward the king who ascended to his cousin Saul's throne and caused his family's fortunes to fall. Now, Shimei has a chance to kick him while he's down.

David rides silently on, as Shimei hurls insults, dirt and gravel. David's men are outraged. David's captain, Abishi, says, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head!"

Abishi's love for David has caused him to fall into a rage over Shimei's treatment of the King. It would seem that David should be grateful to Abishi and his loyalty. David shocks Abishi with a rebuke.

His words should challenge every one of us today. Abishi had not grasped the principle of overlooking the things that are of little or no importance.

Those who don't understand this concept are doomed to disconnect from significant relationships.> Failed marriages, family feuds, broken friendships, and split churches can be traced to unimportant issues allowed to escalate into a winner-takes-all, battle-to-the-death.> Dreams are derailed and destinations unreached because people let the small things take them down.> It would have been easy for David to react to Shimei's abuse. Abishi's anger is understandable.

< But David never allowed Shimei or Abishi to lure him into an unnecessary conflict. He overlooked the small things.

Are you like Abishi? It isn't in your nature to overlook small things. Do you have a hard time understanding how David saw this as a small thing? Here's the rub: one person's small thing is another's big deal.> How do we know when the thing that seems big to us, is really the small thing? We need to figure that out.

< Sometimes we can only distinguish the small from the important by listening to God's voice. That's why we need to depend on the Holy Spirit.< The Bible helps us sort things out. We are to be committed to the Word.

> Sometimes no matter how hard we try, it still doesn't come easily.< We are going to mess up.< Healthy relationships with others grow through trial and error, requiring lots of forgiveness.

> One of the graces in life is overlooking small things.< If we allow the Shimeis or Abishis in our lives to sidetrack us, we will be too occupied with lesser things to get to the final objective of our purpose -- reaching out in gentleness.

D avid's encounter with Shimei teaches us four truths:REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE> David doesn't have to prove anything. Big men rise above little people.> People with vision and mission rise above the thoughts of lesser people consumed with lesser things.

< If you belong to Jesus, you are sons and daughters of the King of Glory. You are princes and princesses in the Kingdom of God. You are royalty. You have been redeemed for greater things.


< Only unsure people like Abishi feel the need to defend themselves and others. Sons and daughters of the King move on, secure in their royalty.

How will you know when you are involved in small things? It is when you get involved in things that reduce your stature in Christ; when you say and do things that demean and make others feel small; when you feel smaller for doing so; when your mind becomes narrower, your heart harder, and your world smaller because these conflicts consume your life. Know who you are.

REMEMBER WHAT YOU ARE> David never forgets who he is: a king. But he also remembers what he is: a sinner.

< If God is trying to teach us something through the conflict, but we cut off the source of the conflict, we may be silencing the voice of God.

^ God can even get our attention through someone who is cursing us.

REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE GOING> What makes a thing small? Perspective.

< What defines small things? Perspective and destination. Anything that keeps the main thing from being the main thing is a small thing.

^ Anything that sidetracks from the vision and mission is the small thing.^ Insisting on escalating a conflict that is unimportant is a poor substitute for building God's kingdom.^ One author puts it this way: " We die on hills that aren't worth taking. We are burned at the stake for causes that aren't worth our martyrdom. We give up a marriage for the satisfaction of getting our way in arguments that are foolish, and alienate ourselves from our children on issues that don't even matter for eternity. Churches split over stuff that is of little concern to heaven."

< How will we overlook the small things? By remembering where we are going.

REMEMBER HOW IT ENDSWe overlook small things by taking the long view.> Shimei's curses and gravel throwing are ignored on this road. They are forgiven when the king returns to Jerusalem. But Shimei's offenses are not forgotten. When we continue reading we see the rest of the story.

< David on his deathbed, talks with his son Solomon. He tells Solomon to beware of two men: General Joab who had disobeyed him, and Shimei who has been disrespectful.

^ These two things pose a clear and present danger to any kingdom: disobedience and disrespect.^ He tells Solomon to eliminate both men.

In 1 Kings 2:9 David says to Solomon about Shimei, "Now you must punish him. He's an old man, but you're wise enough to know that you must have him killed." These are the last recorded words King David. It's fascinating that the person of conflict that he ignored years earlier was the last thing on his mind in death.


> Sometimes small things are important, but not at the moment when other things are more critical. We put them on the back shelf, knowing that there is a time and place for everything.

< Three years later Shimei overplayed his last hand, giving King Solomon the opening to order his execution.

> God will always correct the record. Liars will see their lies exposed, and the truth will be vindicated--if not now, in years to come, or in the courts of heaven.> Anything smaller than the establishment of God's kingdom in your life is too small to bother with.

< If you will just remember how it ends, you will led God take care of the Shimeis while you seek first his Kingdom and its righteousness.

STORIES OF GENTLENESS: PAULLike David, Paul carried great responsibility on his shoulders and often was challenged by others and had his work undermined. It would have been easy for Paul to lose his temper with the new believers he sought to grow up in Christ. But he didn’t. In his first letter to the church of Thessalonica Paul laid out his effective approach of gentleness in ministering to them. It’s an approach we would be wise to emulate with the people God has placed in our lives. (See 1 Thessalonians 2:1-13, pg. 464 in BELIEVE.)

KEY IDEA: I am thoughtful, considerate, and calm in my dealings with others.

IS GENTLENESS WORKING IN YOU? Here is how you can find out. Take a careful look at this Fruit of Gentleness from the scriptures we have looked at and ask yourself:

1. How do I exhibit Gentleness in my daily life? 2. What can I do to develop a better attitude of Gentleness? 3. What blocks Gentleness from working and being exhibited in me? 4. How can I make Gentleness function better, stronger and faster even in times of

uncertainly and stress? 5. What are the things that cause me to be rough and harsh with others? BELIEVE Chapter 29: Gentleness Page 15First Church of Christ, Altoona, PA

6. Am I approachable? 7. When have I been filled with gentleness the most? 8. In what situation did I fail to have gentleness when I should have? 9. What issue(s) in my life would improve with more gentleness? 10. How does God's tenderness toward me affect the way I go about my life to

get things done? Does it cause me to be gentle and tender in spite of how people treat me?

11. Think through the steps you need to take to put gentleness into action in a specific instance.

HOW ABOUT A PERSONAL QUESTIONNAIRE? Following are some questions to take time to answer honestly to assess your spirit of gentleness

1. Was I gentle in the situations I faced today? If not, why? Were my

rationalizations prideful?


2. Do I exhibit the same gentleness to others that God exhibits to me every day?

How?

3. Do people describe me as gentle? Or do they describe me as critical or brash?

Why?

4. Do I gently encourage people to "sin no more"? Or do I self-righteously cast the

first stone?

KEY APPLICATION: What difference does this make in the way I live?

FROM THINK, ACT, BELIEVE LIKE JESUS by Randy Frazee

In the book of Proverbs, Solomon reminds us of the importance of exhibiting gentleness in the way we treat others: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

• We are thoughtful. We take the time to assess a situation and get the whole story. We

don’t move through life like a bull in a china shop, but we care about people along the way. We try not to take things for granted. We find ourselves often asking the question, “How are you doing?” We want to be known for doing little things behind the scenes to encourage people.

• We are considerate. When we’re in a position to make a decision, we consider the impact

on others. We seek their input before we pull the trigger. We do our best to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. We study the people God has put in our lives to discover what energizes them, what sets them off, and what buttons not to push.

• We are calm. While we will have moments when passion and aggression are right

and necessary, there is great strength in our convictions when we hold to them in quiet confidence. A calm parent is more effective than a raging lunatic! It unnerves children when we look them in the eye and speak calmly. When approached by a rough, heated individual, we resist the temptation to meet fire with fire and walk away if necessary to defuse the situation. Because it’s easy to become harsh, impatient, and


arrogant when we’re too busy and stressed, we seek to live lives where we take time to breathe, smell the roses, and pace ourselves.

... self-evaluation is deceptive. We cannot fully see and understand our lack of gentleness. What we do is normative; we are the benchmark. Our lack of gentleness doesn’t bother us too much. Our outburst is justified in our minds because of the rudeness and stupidity of insensitive and ignorant people. Someone has to fix the mess they are making. Our lack of gentleness is not a problem but a solution. Or at least this is how we tend to see it.

If we want to know the true measure of our gentleness, we have to ask others. Gentleness is a fruit; it is external, and everyone will be eating our fruit when they spend time with us. If it is sour, they will know; if it is sweet, they will know. The problem is that if we truly lack in the virtue of gentleness, these folks will be afraid to tell us the truth, lest we attack them. We have to find someone who is secure enough in Christ to tell us the truth in love.


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