S2 Compo 1 Third Person Narrative Feedback (T)

7/27/2019 S2 Compo 1 Third Person Narrative Feedback (T)

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S2 Composition 1 Third person narrative (feedback)

A. Correct the following spelling mistakes:

upsad Up-side-down

beginned

deinately

waked

monday

B. Improve the following sentences.

Common mistakes Remarks

1. There are many questions marks in Janes brain now. brain head

2. She just wanted to find out why she will change places with

her mum.

Would change (a sentence/

question inside another sentence)reported speech

3. I never told you to born me! No specific time have never

told

Born (always passive) give

birth to

4. Suddenly, a light appear and they have been back to normal. Light is uncountable a beam

of light

Appear appeared

Have been were (simple past)

5. Mum answered helpless. Wf helplessly

Table

6. Theyve known each other better so much than before. So much better

7. Her principle complained to her mother about this. Principle principal

8. Janes mum regretted scolding Jane. I shouldnt scold Jane

before.

Past tense after should scold

have scolded

9. I will better go to school as you, said Janes mum. Had better is a set phrase =

should

10. Janes mother realized something had changed. She thought

she became shorter and lighter.

becoming shorter and lighter

happens before she thought.

past perfect.

11. Mum, you work hardly every day, but I ignored your effort. Hardly only just

Hard is both an adj and adv

12. While standing in front of her mothers office, Jane felt

really nervous.

Standing in front

(no need while when we use

participle)


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13. Her mother finally knew how many works Jane needed to

do at school.

Work uncountable.

14. (description of what Mum did at school)

On the other hand, (description of what Jane did at home/

work)

On the other hand (used to

compare two opposite sides of a

situation)

At the same time/ Meanwhile

B. Replace the highlighted words with the following:

Bellow, groan, mumble, mutter, roar, shout, sigh, murmur, bark, wail, scream

So I guess theres no one here? Jane said to herself softly.

Where am I? Jane said loudly with her eyes being covered by a piece of black cloth. Hey, old

woman, I want anything thats valuable from you NOW! said the robber.

C. Good exampleRemarks

Switch

Its absolutely ridiculous! Jane screamed. Jane and her mother

discovered that they had exchanged their bodies within a night

time. In fact, Janes mother was not happy about having a young

body. She was so scared that she was shaking like a leaf. At the

same time, Jane was like an ant on the hot pan, walking in and out

of the room.

Use of vocabulary phrases

Idiomatic expression

Participle phrase

Falling to her knees, she started crying. We should calm down. If

we cannot find the way to go back to normalwe need to pretend

to be each other. Mums voice was shaking.

Participle phrase

Vivid description of her voice

Although both of them still could not accept this ridiculous

thing, life must go on. The next day, Mum went to school as Jane

and Jane stayed at home being like a sloth all day. It was the hardest

day for Mum at school as she had to attend different lessons and

activities.

Simile

conjunction

When the sun set, Mum was ready to go home for dinner. She

thought that Jane wouldnt prepare any diner for her. To her

surprise, Jane had prepared a fantastic and delicious dinner for her

family. Im home! Mum said. Did you have a great day at school,

Mum? Jane said cunningly. No!! Jane, I hope you can do me a

favour. Can you go to England for me and send this important

package to grandma? Mum asked. Why dont you just send it to

her? Jane answered. Because this package is very important So

Jane promised Mum and went to pack her luggage.

Good use of adj

Use of dialogues

Jane was in the airport. She passed the immigration department


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easily and set off. After twelve hours of travelling, Jane finally

arrived at the London Heathrow airport. Then she went to find

grandma.

Use of phrasal verb

Ding Dong Jane kept pressing the door bell. However, no one

answered. Grandma! Im Jane! I have something for you! Jane

yelled, but still, nobody responded.

Onomatopoeia

Use a variation of verbSo I guess theres no one here? Jane mumbled to herself.

Suddenly, Janes eyes were covered by a piece of black cloth. Who

are you? Jane screamed. Hey, old woman, I want anything thats

valuable from you NOW! bawled the robber. The most valuable

thing from me is my family! She continued, I love my family.

They are nice to me! The robber nodded. Then the robber

bellowed, Where is you family then? Tell me immediately!

Theyre in Hong Kong! Far far away! Jane was very scared thatshe would never see her parents again.

Suspense

Use capital letter to show a

loud voice

Different use of verbs

Climax

Next, the robber brought Jane to somewhere else. It was the

airport. Okay, Jane, you may go back to Hong Kong and find your

family now. The robber said. Somehow, Jane knew that the robber

was her grandma and she burst into tears. Bye grandma! Ill miss

you!

Later on, Mum went to the airport and fetched Jane. Jane

rushed to her mum and everybody in the airport cheered, because

they saw a young girl rushing to her mum and give her a hug.

Jane! Weve switched back to normal!

Resolution

At last, Jane told Mum all her experience in the UK and

Mum laughed insanely. Now that they have been back to normal,

Jane has learnt to be a good girl to mum and treasure the family.

Comment:

Good use of vocabulary learnt, idiomatic phrases, adjectives and verbs. It is a good plot with a

climax. However, the part about grandma pretending to be a robber is a bit illogical.

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S2 Compo 1 Third Person Narrative Feedback (T)