1. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Last month, each of you entered into a radio competition. They organized the groups into brackets and used a computer program to rank everyone. Winners of each bracket won awesome things- tickets to that thing you love, cash, one guy even won a car. These people are not you. You guys were absolute bottommost people in each bracket, which earned you the CONSOLATION PRIZE. You guys have been invited to see an early premiere of Shia Labeouf's most recent film, an ironic pre-quel to the movie Constantine where Shia is Constantine and Keanu supports, directed and written by Shia Labeouf. You know it's going to be a terrible, terrible movie, not just because it stars Shia Labeouf, but because the premier is on a Tuesday night. At least the plane tickets were free though, and it included a room at a motel with a free Continental breakfast, so you figured you might as well go. After all, it's not every day you get to go to California. This is the second night of your trip- last night you showed up at the motel, which was... adequate... and spent the day browsing porn on the complimentary Wi-Fi. You are currently riding together from the motel in a stretch limousine to the theater in which you'll see the premiere.

2. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato when they had their losers, they reranked the lot of you. You were determined to be the losers of losers. As a consolation prize, you will be attending the premiere with none other than Megan Fox, who plays a role in the movie

3. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Roll for initiative!No wait.......

4. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball she is present in the limousine, looking rather off put

5. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... I will take out my large jar and look lovingly at its contents

6. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Zip, I try to make small talk but fail miserably acting like a bumbling fool.

7. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan fox is trying her best to keep an eye both on renato and odin at the same time, but ultimately has to keep switching from person to person8. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball she crowds herself into the corner of the stretch limo9. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball failing that, she returns your small talk10. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf I admire my work in making myself look like Megan, but notice she really does have toe thumbs11. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball "So... I take it that you're.. what did the guy call it? The loser of losers?"12. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Zip I like to think we are the WINNERS of the losers....13. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan Fox leans over the seats in the limo to whisper to Kristen. "I just want to say that I LOVE your outfit. Where did you buy yours? I had mine custom made in Taiwan by a series of child laborers."14. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball "Zip? Who's zip? I'm Megan fox, silly!" Megan Fox giggles.15. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I stop paying attention to Megan and now realize that Odin's jar is very off putting... and it smells like toe jam16. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan Fox is pointedly staring at everything that is not Odin17. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Megan I call everyone Zip, it's kinda my thing18. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Megan It gets very confusing in large groups19. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The limo driver rolls his window down a couple of inches. "We'll be at the theater in five minutes."20. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I make a mental note to maintain as much distance as possible at all times from Odin21. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan Fox: "Oh, that is a very strange thing... um. what was your name again?"22. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The driver rolls the window back up.23. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I find a peanut on the limo seat and throw it at Odin's head24. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Megan They call me... Lady Sharkey25. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan: "Nice to meet you, Lady Sharkey." *extends her hand to shake*26. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Attempting to sound as cool as "Lady Sharkey" I butt in and say "everyone calls me Sir Losealot27. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan: "Sir Losealot, it's good to meet you as well."

28. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Licks hand and shakes Megan's "We're blood sisters now"29. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan grabs lady sharkeys hand, shakes it (her hand is completely limp, which makes it kind of awkward.). She then shakes Losealot's hand30. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Is no one creeper out that Odin's been staring at that damn jar the whole ride over?31. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip odin enters out of breath...sorry I'm late my Ipad failed...32. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan Fox looks Lady Sharkey in the eye with the expression of a deer looking into an oncoming 18 wheeler, with the sure and inevitable knowledge that you have made a series of mistakes in your life33. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ...@zip..no really its a mini and it failed34. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Just as she does so, the car slows down and comes to a stop35. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Megan *Sly and off putting wink*36. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You hear the driver door open and close, and a figure walks around the car and opens the limo door37. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip are we there yet?38. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Odin gives jar a polish39. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball A figure steps into view. He's a spry and slightly man, with a large and comical beard. He's dressed in a porter's outfit. "Hello, sirs and madams, the premiere is right this way."

40. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball"If you would be so kind as to follow me."41. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Woot woot! PART-TAY TIME!42. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I make faces behind the man's back as we follow him43. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Odin does his best to imitate the gait of the Porter in a crass homage to 70s comedy44. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You notice, as you leave the limo, that you are parked outside of a massive shopping mall. A red carpet has been laid out, leading inside. There is not a single other soul in sight45. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @ Porter So I suppose this was a low budget film...?46. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... odin finds a peanut on his headwut?47. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Porter: "No expense was spared in the making of the film, Lady Sharkey. The budget, however, ran out for the premiere, so we're making do in less opulence than the cast is accustomed to."48. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I suppress laughter at the sight of Odin finding the peanut49. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Megan Fox: (quietly) "No kidding. I mean, eww, look at this place!"50. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You all enter the mall. The red carpet continues in a mostly straight line. There are lamps lining the edges of the carpet, but the rest of the mall is hidden in total darkness

51. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Out loud "So I assume the price of electricity has gone up?"52. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... It looks like there's about to be a sheer surprise :)53. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The porter ignores Renato, and guides you down a 100 feet of carpet54. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule *whispers* "pompous ass"55. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... odin squeezes his large jar fondly56. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Renato.. pimp his ass?57. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Odin, whatever floats your boat man58. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The porter leads the four of you to a large movie theater entrance. inside is a typical mall movie theater59. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball He walks you to screen 360. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Porter "do we at least get some popcorn?"61. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Porter: "I'm afraid you are all a little late, and the movie is about to begin. I will guide you to your seats."

62. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball He walks you into screen 3. The theater is dark, but quiet. The occasional rustle is all you hear of the other patrons63. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The porter leads you to four seats, front and just off center. You sit down and wait for the movie to begin.64. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I attempt to hold Megan's hand as we're sitting65. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato would you care to roll to see if you're successful?66. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball There's a small stage about 10 feet in front of you. A spotlight appears on the center of the stage, and Shia labeouf walks into the spotlight. He is wearing a tuxedo, with a top hat and a monocle. He is also carrying what appears to be a popcorn bucket filled with nachos. You try to be polite and not notice.67. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Zip, I'll do it!68. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Shia *SQUEAL*69. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You rolled a 570. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You grab Megan's hand. She gives it a quick squeeze but then firmly pulls out of your grip71. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia Labeouf is standing in front of the microphone, shoveling nachos into his mouth. The microphone is on, but he seems not to notice. Chewing blares out over the speakers. Your sense of being polite is being tested.72. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball He's still just standing there, chewing. @Odin he appears to be staring directly into your eyes while chewing.73. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Zip Odin puts his finger in one ear and the Jar up to the other74. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball "Ahem," says Shia Labeouf. "we're all here today to see my new movie. I'm not much of one for speeches so lets just get the damn thing started. LIGHTS"Shia walks offstage, and shortly after the dim lights go out. The theater is bathed in darkness.75. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Making this face D:76. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The movie begins. The title isn't what you were told it was, instead it reads, "Shia Labeouf's Home Movies". It looks like the title was finger painted on a wall with wet paint.77. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @quietly I can hear the ocean78. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The scene changes. It's a home video for sure- the camera shakes like a man holding a video camera. The image on the camera, however, is horrifying. It's a man, covered in blood. his arm hangs limp at his side, uselessly flopping in the man's desperate attempts to crawl away.79. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Oh my!"80. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Audio kicks in. You can hear the man's whimpers of pain, and the guttural breathing of the camera holder. The cameraman begins laughing, gently. "Please," says the man. "Please, what do you want? Let me go! Please!"81. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I realize a kid nearby has popcorn so I keep trying to take some but he keeps smacking me with his grubby hands82. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The camera man begins laughing harder. "What I want" he yells, distorting the audio. "is for you to die!" with that, the camera man steps forward, and the last thing you see on the screen is a splash of blood appear moments after the featured man is moved off-screen.83. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The screen changes again. This time, it's two women, both young and frightened. A similar scene begins playing out. Shia's voice, not recorded in the movie, blares out over the speakers. "I've got my camera now! It's time to start filming the grand finale!" He breaks off into a fit of hysterical laughter, and the speakers cut out mid laugh.84. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf D:85. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The lights come on, blinding you momentarily86. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Odin begins to watch said imagery through his jar87. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Fed up with all of the theatrics, I get up and yell "this movie blows!"88. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @renato when you stand up, you notice something horrifying. The audience who you thought was behind you is all corpses89. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Hops out of my chair*90. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball the child you thought was batting your hand is in fact a dead teen, and a massive rat's tail had been smacking your arm91. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 BallMost of the corpses appear to be partial eaten92. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ...odin calls out "not again""

93. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The scene on the screen ends just as the first one did, with screaming and blood94. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball a new scene begins, much the same95. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Thinking is still part of the experience I clap a little and wonder how much they pay their makeup artist because it all looks so life like96. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... "for crying out loud every friggin movie theatre is a makeshift morgue"97. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf OR dead life...vwahaha98. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... "no one turn up the heating OK"99. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia Labeouf walks out on stage, a meat cleaver in hand. he is entirely naked, save for his top hat, bow tie, monocle, and bloody apron100. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Not a bad look really..."101. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia: "Isn't Glade amazing? You sat next to corpses and never knew!" He begins to laugh again, a crazed look in his eye102. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Odin moves to search bodies for useful items..and items he can sell on ebay103. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule "For God's sake Shia, this is a family show!"104. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Well, this has been fun..." *slowly walking away from the stage105. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you find $2.23 in miscellaneous change106. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia Labouf approaches you, heading directly for Odin107. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I manage to catch the rat and stick him in the frocket of my button up108. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... jewellery, watches and wallets..(is this an American Movie theatre?)109. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen while backing up, you trip over the corpse of a woman. It looks like her neck has been gnawed off110. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Odin "someone has a crush on you"111. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you acquire a rat112. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Zip Two hands firmly on big jar113. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin Shia Labeouf grabs your arm, halting your looting114. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Oh gross! All over my new shoes?! C'mon now!"115. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you see the exit from the floor116. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I name the rat Peggy117. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Zip I smash that melonfarmer over the head with my big frikkin jar118. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Shouting have it Tosser!!!119. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin rolling a die...120. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You rolled a 6121. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Peggy's back story is that he's the runt of the litter and all he ever wanted was to hear his dad say "I'm proud of you son"122. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Hop onto my feet, shake dead woman off my shoes, make a dash for the exit*123. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You swing the jar overhead at Shia Labeouf, using both hands. At the apex of the swing, however, the jar slips out of your hands, and flies into the corner124. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I dive to catch Odin's jar before it hits the ground125. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia lunges forward, punching Odin in the face. Odin staggers back, staggered. Shia Labeouf grabs your left arm and deftly bites off your two smallest fingers126. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip Both hands thust into his eye sockets...I'm gonna gouge like a muddy funster127. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen the door is jammed, or something! You can't open it128. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip shouting choke on it choke on it129. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf*Looks around for a window / alternate form of exiting*130. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin I'm afraid you're staggered for the moment. You'll need another player to make an action before you can try anything. You lose a blood token with your little fingers131. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you roll a 3. You notice that stage left there's an exit sign, and the door Shia walked out of132. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Fine but the moment I get an action I'm gonna bite this muddyfunsters throat out133. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I pick up Odin's fingers134. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia turns towards renato, pointing his cleaver at him like he's about to hit a home run (babe Ruth style)135. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato Shia ate them dude136. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Straight up I am gonna skull flap that biatch137. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia: "You're next, little man! Run! Make this interesting!"138. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Run towards stage door*139. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Odin what's a skull flap?140. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule My bad. I taunt Shia141. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Sharkey the stage door is unlocked! You swing it open, revealing a narrow hallway behind it142. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I'm trying to buy time for Odin to regain his composure. Can't leave a man behind143. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Zip its a family show..come on dude144. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia: *smiling* "Here I come, then, little man!"145. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball He charges Renato, arms stretched out comically behind him146. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Zip I fetch glass shards from my jar147. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I grab the thing nearest to me (dead teens arm) and swing it at Shia148. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Runs down hallway*149. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you find a single large shard of glass, wickedly curved and sharp150. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Zip I use the soggy photo of steve jobs to staunch the blood flow.151. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Wait... where is Megan!?152. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you rolled a 3153. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip and tars are conveniently antiseptic :)

154. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... tears155. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 BallYou crack Shia Labeouf across the face. Blood and a tooth spray across the room, and Shia screams156. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball holding his face, he changes course, barreling towards the movie theater exit. He shoulders his way through it, and disappears into the darkness.157. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I take the opportunity to bolt outta there right behind Kristen, I bought Odin enough time158. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you find a room that has the words "Shia's Dressing Room" carved into it, possibly with a knife159. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @ZIP I then use photo to hold safest edge of largest glass shard ... I'm gonna carve me some special meat160. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf*Looking for anything in the all that is flammable and lighting it on fire behind me with my lighter*161. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you found the tears to sting your wounded hand, btw162. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Kristen, don't light it on fire, I'm behind you!!

163. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kirsten you find in Shia's room a Indiana Jones style torch. You light it with your lighter, illuminating the room164. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Busts into dressing room looking for anything sharp that I can use as a weapon*165. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... I make my way to the others screaming numerous unpleasantries about Shia's uncertain parentage166. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Use torch for effective searching167. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You find a number of items in Shia's room168. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball First, you find a porter's outfit and a large fake beard169. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ballsecond, you find a crystal ball170. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Takes sharpest and most dangerous and runs out of room with it and the torch*171. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ..."oi Shia..Suck my lozenge melonfarmer" (edited for pg12 audience)172. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Tucks crystal ball in purse*173. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... "forget you and the horse you rode in on"174. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Third, you find a bunch of video editing equipment

175. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I send Peggy out to search the dressing room176. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball lastly, you find a 2x4, stained with blood177. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf*Silent judging him for poor editing skills*178. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball the room is largely covered in blood, there's mysterious meat hanging on hooks, and a butcher's table covered in blood and gore179. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "That'll do!" grabbing 2X4180. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ...@Zip I intentionally soil myself (number 2s) if Shias gonna eat me he can eat my sh!t181. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renatto Peggy bolts. She runs into the theater main room and vanishes182. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... do I need to roll to achieve satisfactory self soilage?183. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @odin nope you succeed automatically there184. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Shouts at Peggy "that's not going to make your father proud you no good sack of sh-"185. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... You could say its a case of when the sh!t hits the " fan "! (geddit?)186. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The speakers crackle on again. "You fuckers," whispers Shia Labeouf.187. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball "You hit me, you fuckers. I'm going to get you back for that."188. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball "Oh, yes... yesssss...."189. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You hear juicy crunching noises190. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball *slurps*. "I've left you a surprise in the lobby! Ahahaha!! I hope you enjoy it..."191. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I think to myself that this theater looks a lot like the one from COD Nazi zombies192. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia laughs, and you hear the laughter fading as he moves away from the mike193. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Continues down hall, tummy grumbling* "I know he's eating those nachos ..."194. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @shia your mamas already got my back Shia..she says she earns 100 buck and 10 cents a day being a ho195. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen there are no other doors in this hallway. you reach the end of it196. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I tell Kristen to move over because I make my own doors and I shoulder charge into the wall197. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Aw dang, am I stuck? *Looks for any way out, even if it means turning back the way I came*198. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you find nothing199. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball other than the way you came200. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf @Renato Shakes head201. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you roll a 6202. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip..I am gonna try and find an ignition source203. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Your shoulder dislocates on contact with the wall. You scream in pain, and lose a blood token204. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Heads back the way I came, with torch and 2x4 in hand*205. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... matches, table lamp anything206. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you find some matches in the dressing room, but that is it207. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Heads toward Exit that was originally locked to try it again*208. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Using what I learned from Supernatural, I attempt to snap my own shoulder back into place209. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you find the door unlocked and open (Shia burst through it earlier)210. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato it hurts like a motherfucker and is still totally dislocated211. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... is this exist to outside?

212. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Throws door open, holding my torch out in front of me*213. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball It's the door to the lobby214. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... ok lets go lobby215. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... together216. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I head back into the theater and decide to cover myself in some of the guts of the dead people. If it works on zombies, it could work on Shia.217. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The lobby is empty. There are still lamps lighting the red carpeting. On the concession stand, however, is a form stretched over the counter. The lighting is terrible, and you can't see what the form is218. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Waits for others to join by open Exit door*219. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I lag behind Kristen and Odin since I was covering myself in guts220. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you notice Shia's top hat, where you knocked it off earlier. @odin and Kristen are in the lobby221. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... What about exits to outside the cinema?222. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule And I put on the top hat. The brim feels weird so I search it...223. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball There's an exit out of the lobby into the mall224. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Slowly approaches slumped figure, torch out* "Watch my back, @Odin and @Renato!"225. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You approach the figure. As you get closer, you realize that you recognize the outfit. It looks EXACTLY like your own226. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You also notice an alarming quantity of blood227. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Whew! Just Mega Fox!"228. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Heads toward mall exit*229. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Ok I'm setting fire to the lobby..matches out strike ignite230. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You reach Megan Fox's body. Her face is gone, chewed off, but you recognize her stupid thumbs.231. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Kristen you begin to feel queezy. You're not used to this much blood!232. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Odin, as you begin to light the match, you hear a rustling above your head233. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... whatever I'm cremating da biatch..234. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I search Megan... or what's left of her235. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... burn burn burn

236. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You strike a match to life. Just then, Shia Labeouf bursts out from the ceiling, kicking the matches out of your hand. They scatter across the room, and the lit one extinguishes237. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you don't find anything before Shia shows up238. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia labeouf howls. His apron has been pushed aside, exposing a large and throbbing manhood239. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @Glass shard swishing240. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Frantically lighting trashcans on firearound the lobby*241. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato Shia's eyes lock on yours. "MY HAT!" He screams. "GIVE ME BACK MY HAT"242. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I call for Peggy in hopes that he had a change of heart and wants to join our cause243. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Is there any other size?244. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball He's holding a large sharpened spoon. It's scarier than it sounds. He lunges at Renato245. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule @Shia "...uh... oh shit, I take off my hat and throw it at Kristen246. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... John Wayne Bobbit Mk2 here we come247. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you miss Shia, as he lunged towards Renato248. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Puts on hat, runs into mall*249. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... I'm slashing at his torso..250. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you roll a 3251. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... I'm just all out carving this biatch252. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The hat sails through the air, landing in Kristen's hands. Startled, she catches the hat, dropping her torch into the final trash bin and losing it to the flames253. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you carve a large cut across Shia's back. He screams, and turns around and pushes you as hard as he can. You tumble backwards, over Megan's corpse and the concession stand.254. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia screams in joy. "This is what I've longed for!" he shouts. "I'll see you again soon!"255. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball he sprints into the darkness256. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball of the mall that is257. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Running while holding hat tight to my head*258. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... Odin meets up with team and assembles a bazooka A team style (if possible)259. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin not possible260. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you enter the mall. The first thing that you notice is that the lights have been turned on since last you passed through here261. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I try to catch up with Kristen to tell her to check the hat because I know I felt something in it262. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The entire mall has been turned into an urban warfare environment. Obstacles and walls have been set up263. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *checks hat, while still moving*264. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball There's several spots where you can see large pools of dried blood, and you can see one place where there's definitely a pitfall trap set up265. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you find a small .32 caliber handgun. It's a small gun, holding a mere two shots. Both chambers are loaded266. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I enter the mall behind Kristen and see a hardware store. I decide to go in267. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you notice that your glass shard from earlier got cracked when you got pushed over, and is shorter than it was before. You can now only use it from point blank range268. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf *Holds it in hand not holding 2x4269. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... @zip fine..I'm biting while I use too

270. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato the store has been mostly emptied and filled with urban obstacles (broken concrete blocks and camo covered pillars, but there are a few items that seem interesting here271. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I search for anything halfway useful272. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... search273. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You find a nail gun with no nails. You find a screwdriver, and a sledgehammer is in the far corner274. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... any rope? twine? straps?275. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you search the cash register, where you find $1.04 in change276. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I stick the screwdriver in my frocket were Peggy was and I go pick up the sledgehammer to weird with both hands277. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you also find a length of 3 feet of nylon rope on a shelf. It's been cut and is frayed on one end278. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you rolled a 4279. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball When you touch the sledgehammer, a click sounds.280. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Your instincts kick into action, and you duck. Right move, as an I beam crashes into the wall exactly where your head was281. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The shutters on the front of the store slam shut, trapping all three of you inside282. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I drop to the floor instinctively283. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you grab the sledge hammer, and when you pull it away, the handle comes free. It's been broken off at the head284. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf I hold my gun at the ready285. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... I'm taking the rope and making a length of about 15 inches and wrapping the rest round both wrists286. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... so theres a length between both hands..one of which has the glass shard..287. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I pick up the head of the hammer. It may be useful later288. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... what about the shaft289. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia labeouf pulls of a camo blanket from where he was hiding on a shelf. He rolls off the shelf, a mere 3 feet away from Kristen290. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato the head is glued to the floor, and you can't move it. You are still holding the shaft291. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I chuck the hammer head at Shia292. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... ATTCK293. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato still stuck to the floor294. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Ok I chuck the shaft at him295. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen Shia lunges for you, brass knuckles on his fist. What do you do?296. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf I swing my board at him297. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you chuck Odin's soiled pants at Shia. The pants fall way short298. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You swing the board at Shia. He puffs out his chest, and the board breaks off on his chest. He headbutts you in the face299. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Haha damn it!300. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball and then punches you in the kidney301. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... rope wrap round neck whilst inserting shard and biting at face302. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball you lose one blood token303. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball and the hat304. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf D: Biatch slap to his face305. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You manage to slip the rope around Shia's neck. He gurgles, struggling against the rope306. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... using the rope to lash myself to him Moby Dick style307. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen I'm afraid you're stunned308. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... all out ripping his face and neck with my teeth309. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I frantically look for a way out while he's clobbering Kristen, maybe loosen an air duct covering with my screwdriver310. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia's muscles bulge as you go to shank his neck. He flips you over his head like you're a rodeo clown. You land atop Kristen311. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... meanwhilst my bottom end is dry humping him like a dawg!!!312. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... aawww313. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf "Oh gawwwwd!"314. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you notice a ventilation shaft behind the checkout counter. You begin to unscrew it315. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Shia staggers himself, winded by Odin's strangling316. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... I make a suitably gallant gentlemanly remark at Kristen before lunging again at this biatch317. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You lunge at Shia. You reach him just as he recovers, and he stares one bloodshot eye directly into yours318. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf I crawl my way to my feet and take a swing at Shia319. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... chew the face chew the face320. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... dead by dawn dead by dawn321. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Kristen you lash out with your leg, catching Shia in the knee. Distracted by Odin, Shia doesn't see it in time, and takes the hit poorly. You hear an audible crack, and Shia screams. He flinches away, and when he resumes standing, he throws something at the ground322. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... drain his fluids323. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Smoke appears, and when it clears, SHia is gone324. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf D:325. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The room is still locked, but @Renato managed to open the duct326. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Runs to ventilation shaft, careful not to step in it327. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I go check on Kristen and Odin now that the coast is clear328. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The duct runs parallel to the ground no risk of falling329. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... dont be getting me in a closed space...lets get the Police..they're far more dangerous and less cannibalistic than Shia..mostly330. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato you notice Lady Sharkey's nose bleeding profusely, but otherwise neither seem harmed.331. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball you know, more so than they were when they entered the store (odin's hand)332. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Seeing the gang is (mostly) ok, I head into the vent333. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You all enter the vent334. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... oh man335. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You craw for a couple dozen paces, and then you find a ladder336. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... lets feed Shia one by one337. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball At the top of the ladder, there's another grate. This one isn't locked, and swings open338. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You emerge into the fashion section of a Macys. Shawls are 20% off339. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf Grabs shawl, puts it on340. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I pick up a shawl for... you know... reasons341. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball Unfortunately, just like the rest of the mall, there are no shawls. Instead the entire room has been transformed into a small jungle. The plants appear to be real342. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball The signs however still remain343. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... get a bunch of Shawls for tourniquets , bandages and to accessorize should the mood take344.Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule Well nevermind then!345. Kristen Sharkey in Labeouf darn...346. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball oh you and your shawls. Did you really think SHia labeouf would leave such a critical weakness in his death labyrinth?347. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... well then big leaves..lets have some big leaves..and any stemms hefty enough to make a club348. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... any vines ?349. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You find a hefty branch, a little smaller than a baseball bat350. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... take it351. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... are the plants in pots?352. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... heavy terracotta pots? for throwing etc353. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball No usable vines, no pots for these plants. They appear to be growing directly out of the floor354. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball You hear a noise in the jungle. Echoing laughter355. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... "come get some etc etc"356. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you step out boldly, looking for trouble. Your leg shoots out from under you as the rabbit trap snares your ankle. You're flung into the air and hang, suspended and upside down357. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... glass shard to the rescue358. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Renato Shia labeouf jumps out from the tree behind you. He's unarmed, and completely naked this time359. Just let the eye of Odin open up and ... seeing as other posters appearing360. Renato "The Were-Survivor" Lule I pull out my screwdriver and thrust it at his eye making sure to not look lower than waist level361. Zip! Cultist of the Magic 8 Ball @Odin you rolled a 5. You slash at your bonds, successfully freeing yourself from the vines. However, you've made a critical judgment error: you're 5 feet off the ground and upside down. You fall, curling into a ball, and while you manage to avoid breaking your neck, you do take a nasty headwound and get a concussion.

-Tuesday break-