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Fences Are Fucking Evil

John Hugar

The fence probably seems like a harmless thing. Something

that merely exists as a barrier between one building and another. But I

can promise you, it’s something far more sinister than that. Fences are

not only an evil device, possibly born in the fieriest pits of hell, but

they just might be responsible for all of the problems in modern socie-

ty today.

First off, let’s think about what a fence does. It often acts as a

means of separation. They separate one house from another, the kid

who is strong enough to jump over the fence from the kid who isn’t,

the player who is strong enough to hit a home run from the player who

pops out at the warning track. Let’s be honest; it’s no coincidence that

the American Dream involves owning a “white picket fence”. It’s not

just about accumulating enough wealth to be able to afford such an

item, it’s about being able to effectively keep the neighbors out.

Fences are also pretty divisive. If they weren’t we wouldn’t

have to phrase “sitting on the fence” to describe someone who has yet

to make up their mind about a given political issue. One side of the

fence would have all the pro-choice people while the other would have

all the pro-lifers. The fence exists as a means of keeping the two sides

from ever reaching a consensus. Once again, it’s all about the separa-

tion.

So, let’s see where we are so far. Fences exist to divide us, both

physically and emotionally. But why do we have to be divided? If we

want to achieve the brotherhood and equality that all the hippie musi-

cians of the 60s speak about, wouldn’t the first step be to tear down all

the fences? Wait, I’ll go one step further with that: Wasn’t the Berlin

Wall essentially just a very large fence? And what was the reason for

it? Once again, to divide people who believed different things. In this

sense, it was a physical and emotional barrier.

However, it did inspire David Bowie to write “Heroes”, where two

lovers on opposite sides met at the wall and shared a tender kiss. And

what was the point of that? To show us that love can conquer any

fence. As usual, Ziggy Stardust shows us the way.

So, for all the reasons, fences are an unnecessary bother. They

exist to keep us separate from each other. They promote class warfare,

and they stop us from reaching an understanding. On top of all that,

have you ever tried to climb a fence? And you have one leg on each

side? And that one of the spikes hits you right in the balls? That shit

hurts! And it ruins your pants! That settles it! Tear all the fences down

now!

(Art by Ben Park)

[Fences help to keep things out]

Fences help to keep things out.

Preventing people from making me pout.

With rigid walls, and a sturdy post.

They ensure I am a lonely host.

A lonely host who wont feel harm,

By falling prey to someone's charm.

Me, myself, and I make three,

Reveling in my misery.

This fence of mine will be my doom.

forever alone, locked in this tomb.

I realize now when it is too late.

This fence I built, could've used a gate.

-Jeffy Weffy

My World Divided

The vast expanse of grass and trees

The perfect size for games

Friends just a safari away

Or if needed a daring rescue

One day ends another begins

Something has changed

What are these holes?

What are these posts?

This isn’t good

It’s not fair

Every morning as I look

My great world grows smaller

No more safaris

No longer to rescue

My world divided

I hate this stupid wall

Some much time later it seems like years

A hole appears in that bad wall

A head shows followed by a shout

“Come into my fort and swim in my moat”!

By:

Allison Courtney

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[Recreate a creation]

By: Anonymous

I want to recreate a creation

Something big

Something amazing

I want to create a re-creation

It will be three stories high

High enough for a library on the top floor

Floors done with marble class

Classical modern will be the outside

Outside will have a huge lawn of grass

Grass accompanied by flowers of the best kind

Kind of like something out of a magazine

Magazines won’t be the main inspiration

It will have lots of rooms

Rooms for everyone in the family that visits

Visit my kitchen, garden, and pool

Pool table in the basement with entertainment of love

Each room will be designed for a person

Personal touches are the best for a home

Homie feelings with an air of elegance and awe

Awesome equipment, comfortable furniture

Furnish each room with a different theme

Themes that are possible not just imaginable

Imagine the bicycles, cars and skateboards you will see

See a whole imaginary house

It is surrounded by a huge fence

Fences of corresponding material for corresponding areas

Areas that are enclosed and made only for us

Then I will destroy and tear it down

Starting with that huge gaudy fence on the borders

The borders missing next is the top floor

Floors will be removed and smashed into splinters

Splinters and fluff, clouds and swirls

A recreation of a creation

A creation of the mind

They are arguing. They are not seeing eye to eye. They are

disagreeing, and presenting, and rebutting, and riposting, but mostly

they are just arguing.

They are saying things to eachother. Things like “Yes, but…”

and “Well, no. If…” and “Supposing we assume that…”, but mostly

they are not saying very much at all. They are trying to remain civil,

but they are becoming angry.

They’re really getting into it now. One man is saying that,

while he respects the other man’s opinion, he cannot abide by its exist-

ence, and the other man is still not saying very much at all.

Now one man’s dagger is making sharp arguments to the hole

in the other man’s stomach, and the hole is softly burbling that it con-

cedes; all is in agreement.

—Metonymically Meta-anonymous in Chicago

By: M

eg Leach

Hey hey good-lookin’—

—and welcome to the second issue of ROCKET LAWN CHAIRS— read it or rub it

on your nipples, whatever toots your whistle—who are we to judge?

The issue you hold in your hands was built around the common theme: FENCES. Were

you touched? Were you tickled? Were you turned on? And are you… inspired? Are

you suddenly filled with an overwhelming and incapacitating urge to be part of

homegrown magazine publication? If so, read on—this is the page with the submis-

sion rules—

1. Everything is accepted. Photography, drawings, paintings, comics, poetry, short sto-

ries, instruction manuals, recipes, hieroglyphics—if it can be put on paper, we will

run it.

2. We will edit your work as much or as little as you desire. If you want us to scour

your work over for grammar and spelling, we will do that. If you want us to run your

piece with eraser smudges and cross outs, we will do that as well. If you submit a

piece without instructions, we will run it as we see fit.

3. Submissions are accepted in two different ways. The first is through email:

magic.dropbox@gmail.com

The second is by using our physical drop box in the Lockwood library. To do this,

insert your submission in any random book and send the title and call number to our

email. We will email you when your submission is received.

4. The theme of the next issue is: MATCHES. Submit anything you want, so long as a

match is in there somewhere. We accept submissions until the last day of the month,

and will run the next issue as close to the first Monday of each month as possible.

(There are some exceptions, but this month isn’t one of them, so don’t worry about

it.)

5. Barring some act of mysterious funding, this magazine is printed entirely using pros-

titution wages and print quotas. If you want to donate your print quota, send us an

email and we will arrange a time to meet with you and print things.

6. This is the most important rule: this magazine likes to travel. Please don’t throw it

away—take it with you and leave it somewhere. Leave it in your chemistry class, or

Starbucks, or an airplane. Stick it in a random mailbox, or hide it in a laundry basket.

Give it to a stranger. Pass it on, and if you put it somewhere really cool, send us an

email, because we like shit like that.

We hope you enjoyed the second issue. Now go have an adventure—and then come back

and tell us about it so we have something to print. Be hearing from you soon.