Respect, Responsibility,

& Resilience

THE 3 R’s KIDS NEED FROM EVERYONE!

Deborah Gilboa, M.D.

hap·pi·ness:noun

good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy

INGREDIENTS:1. Confidence2. Competence3. Relationships

KID BRAINS

•Temperament• Content-free• Genetic• Biologic•Character• Content-rich• Culture-based• Experience-dependent

MOVING TARGETS

• Character predictors in children/teens• Gratitude• Curiosity• Self-control• Grit

• Culture-based• Experiential learning

If you could wave a magic wand...

Which behavior

would you change?

THE 3 “R’s” KIDS REALLY NEED

Respect CONFIDENCE, gratitude,

curiousity

Responsibility COMPETENCE, self-control

Resilience RELATIONSHIPS, grit

RESPECT

•Tone of voice.•Titles of respect.•Eye contact•Body Language•Secret Code•Negotiating•Privacy•3 sentences; amazing results!

RESPONSIBILITY

•How can I help?•Homework•Practice•Community service•One work ethic; 2 sentences

The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY!• What do we know?– Bad things happen.– There are always choices to be made.– Feelings change over time.– Recovery requires tools and experience.

• What do people need?

PRACTICE.

WHAT IS RESILIENCE?

Who needs it?Adults!• When we are…– Hurt– Angry– Scared– Overwhelmed– Stressed!

Kids!• When they are…– Hurt– Angry– Scared– Overwhelmed– Stressed!

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ADULTS?• Nurturing

– Children, partners, parents, siblings, friends

• Working– Jobs, volunteering, continuing education

• Reacting– Illness, injury, deadlines, the UNEXPECTED

• Exploring– Relationships, finances, communities, opportunities

SEARCHING… for balance

WHAT’S THE ANTIDOTE?What do we need?

1. Communication

2. Respect

3. Health

4. Opportunity

5. RESILIENCE

HOW DO ADULTS GET IT?

Perspective – Control what you can control

Strategies• Clear goals • Accessible, safe stress relievers• Manageable commitments• Well-developed support network• Resources we’re willing to use

HOW DO KIDS? Mistakes teach resilience. Praise the process. Let life teach the lesson. Choices, within limits. Encourage some risk-taking. Reach out for resources!

“I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”

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