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Rem
arri
age
Poi
nts
To
Pon
der
By
Yaffa
Bal
sam
, M.A
., M
FT
Whi
le lo
ve is
an
esse
ntia
l in
gred
ient
to a
goo
d,
hap
py,
and
hea
lthy
re
latio
nshi
p, i
t is
not
enou
gh.
For a
last
ing
rela
tions
hip
w
e ne
ed to
kno
w a
nd
unde
rsta
nd o
ur p
artn
er’s
fa
mily
bac
kgro
und
as
wel
l as
thei
r his
tory
of
pre
viou
s re
latio
nshi
ps.
We
will
then
be
bet
ter
able
to e
valu
ate
if in
dee
d th
is p
erso
n is
the
right
one
.
For
furt
her
info
rmat
ion
re
gard
ing
indi
vidu
al
appo
intm
ents
an
d/or
gr
oups
an
d w
orks
hop
s,
plea
se c
onta
ct
YAFF
A B
ALS
AM
, MFT
(7
14) 5
27-8
111
ww
w.c
onne
ctin
gste
pfa
mili
es.c
om
Th
e de
cisi
on t
o re
mar
ry is
on
e of
th
e
mos
t di
fficu
lt c
hoi
ces
you
face
in y
our
life.
Oft
en t
imes
, it
is m
ore
com
plex
th
an
the
dec
isio
n t
o m
arry
for
the
first
tim
e.
For
man
y pe
ople
, th
e si
ngl
e pa
ren
t fa
mily
ph
ase
is c
hal
len
gin
g an
d fr
equ
entl
y lo
nel
y.
They
hop
e (u
nre
alis
tica
lly) t
hat
th
e lo
ve
they
sh
are
wit
h t
hei
r pa
rtn
er w
ill b
e en
ough
to
mak
e th
e st
epfa
mily
su
cces
sfu
l.
Mor
e th
an h
alf o
f rem
arri
ed c
oupl
es e
nd
u
p di
vorc
ing.
Un
fort
un
atel
y, t
hey
ski
p th
e ed
uca
tion
al p
art
of h
ow t
o m
axim
ize
the
chan
ces
for
a su
cces
sfu
l ste
pfam
ily.
Wh
eth
er y
ou a
re a
sin
gle
pare
nt
con
side
r-in
g lo
okin
g fo
r a
life
part
ner
or
are
in a
rel
a-ti
onsh
ip a
lrea
dy, p
leas
e ta
ke t
he
tim
e to
pr
oces
s th
is c
hec
klis
t. D
on’t
ign
ore
the
red
flags
. Th
ey w
ill n
ot g
o aw
ay u
nti
l an
d u
nle
ss y
ou a
ddre
ss t
hem
.
Plea
se s
har
e th
is li
st w
ith
you
r pa
rtn
er. P
ay
atte
nti
on t
o w
hat
s/h
e sa
ys a
s w
ell a
s to
w
hat
is n
ot s
aid
that
per
hap
s yo
u w
ish
to
hea
r. G
o ov
er t
his
exe
rcis
e w
ith
a g
ood
frie
nd
and
ask
for
obje
ctiv
e fe
edba
ck.
Back
grou
nd In
form
atio
n
Un
ders
tan
din
g yo
ur
pote
nti
al p
artn
er’s
fa
mily
his
tory
will
hel
p yo
u c
ompr
ehen
d h
ow s
/he
deve
lope
d ce
rtai
n b
elie
fs, o
pin
-io
ns,
an
d fe
elin
gs a
bou
t lif
e in
gen
eral
an
d ab
out
mar
riag
e in
par
ticu
lar.
We
don
’t gr
ow
up
in a
vac
uu
m. O
ur
surr
oun
din
gs g
reat
ly
impa
ct o
ur
perc
epti
on o
f wh
o w
e ar
e an
d w
hat
oth
er p
eopl
e m
ean
to
us.
It is
imp
orta
nt to
ask
you
r par
tner
:
1.
Did
her
/his
par
ents
div
orce
? 2.
H
ow m
any
year
s w
ere
they
mar
ried
? 3.
W
as t
her
e co
pare
nti
ng
if th
ey w
ere
di
vorc
ed?
4.
Did
th
ey r
emar
ry?
5.
Wh
at k
ind
of m
essa
ges
was
you
r pa
rt-
ner
giv
en a
bou
t th
e ab
sen
t pa
ren
t by
th
e cu
stod
ial p
aren
t?
6.
How
was
you
r pa
rtn
er a
ffect
ed b
y th
eir
hom
e lif
e?
7.
Wh
at is
you
r pa
rtn
er’s
vis
ion
of t
he
fu
ture
, i.e
, goa
ls, h
opes
, an
d w
ish
es,
both
per
son
al a
nd
prof
essi
onal
?
Are
you
like
-min
ded
on .
. .
Past
rela
tions
hip
s an
d b
ehav
iors
Peop
le’s
pas
t re
lati
onsh
ips
may
tel
l you
m
uch
abo
ut
wh
at y
ou m
igh
t en
cou
nte
r fr
om t
hem
in t
he
futu
re. T
her
efor
e, p
leas
e pa
y ca
refu
l att
enti
on t
o w
hat
th
ey in
clu
de
as w
ell a
s to
wh
at t
hey
ex
clu
de fr
om t
hei
r st
ory.
1.
Has
s/h
e ev
er b
een
mar
ried
? If
yes
, how
m
any
tim
es a
nd
how
lon
g w
ere
the
mar
-ri
ages
?
2.
Wh
y an
d h
ow d
id t
he
mar
riag
e(s)
en
d?
Was
th
ere
infid
elit
y? I
f so,
by
wh
om?
Wh
at m
igh
t h
ave
led
up
to it
?
3.
How
doe
s yo
ur
part
ner
tal
k ab
out
his
/h
er e
x-sp
ouse
(s)?
4.
If t
her
e w
ere
child
ren
invo
lved
, wh
at
kin
d of
a r
elat
ion
ship
is m
ain
tain
ed w
ith
th
em?
5.
Was
th
ere
any
subs
tan
ce a
buse
in-
volv
ed?
Wha
t was
you
r par
tner
’s c
omm
unic
a-tio
n st
yle
in p
revi
ous
rela
tions
hip
s?
1.
Wer
e fe
elin
gs e
xpre
ssed
in a
res
pect
ful
way
?
2.
How
wer
e co
nfli
cts
reso
lved
? W
ere
they
de
alt
wit
h in
a c
onst
ruct
ive
way
?
4.
Was
th
ere
any
verb
al a
nd/
or p
hys
ical
ab
use
?
5.
Wer
e co
nfli
cts
ign
ored
an
d/or
den
ied?
• Pa
ren
tin
g is
sues
, i.e
., di
sci-
plin
e of
bio
logi
cal a
nd
step
-ch
ildre
n?
□ Ye
s □
No
• M
oney
man
agem
ent,
i.e.
, co
mbi
nin
g fin
ance
s or
kee
p-in
g th
em s
epar
ate
and
wh
o co
ntr
ols
the
mon
ey?
□ Ye
s □
No
• S
piri
tual
bel
iefs
/pra
ctic
es?
□ Ye
s □
No
• A
cou
ple’
s re
lati
onsh
ip, i
.e.,
emot
ion
al a
nd
phys
ical
inti
-m
acy,
nu
rtu
rin
g th
e re
la-
tion
ship
?
□ Ye
s □
No
• W
elln
ess,
i.e.
, em
otio
nal
an
d
phys
ical
pra
ctic
es s
uch
as
ther
apy,
exe
rcis
ing?
□ Ye
s □
No
• C
omm
un
ity
invo
lvem
ent,
i.e
., vo
lun
teer
, en
viro
nm
ent?
□
Yes
□ N
o
• In
divi
dual
tim
e aw
ay fr
om
each
oth
er, i
.e.,
sepa
rate
fr
ien
dsh
ips
and
recr
eati
onal
ac
tivi
ties
?
□ Ye
s □
No
