Rebecca Ip's Inquiry 5

7/30/2019 Rebecca Ip's Inquiry 5

1/16

Writers ReflectionRebecca Ip


2/16

How Have I Improved

Each Inquiry project in English 111, I needed a focus ofwhat each of my essay would be about.

I needed to create a THESIS statement in order to

know what to talk about in my body paragraphs andwhat supporting details I would use to support myessay.

Throughout each inquiry I improved on how to createa more specific and detailed thesis.

My thesiss began as open and broad subjects to beingnarrow and specific in order to convey my message ofmy paper efficiently.


3/16

What is a ThesisStatement?

The thesis statement is that sentence or two

in your text that contains the focus of your

essay and tells your reader what the essay is

going to be about. ---grammar.ccc.comment.edu

It is like an umbrella: everything that you carry

along in your essay has to fit under thisumbrella.


4/16

When can I use a ThesisStatement?

Thesis statements can be used not only for English papers,but for my chemistry reports and for my Proactiv website.

My chemistry report thesis: If a penny dated between1845 and 1982 contains 95% of copper with 5% of mix metalswill then have more copper than zinc in it than a pennydated between 1982 and now containing 2.5% of coppercoating with a core primarily of zinc metal.

The thesis statement gives a focus to my chemistry report

of what I am experimenting and the data collected throughthe experiment will be used to support my thesisstatement.


5/16

Inquiry 1 ThesisStatement

Not only does growing up with broken

English define my communication skills, but

also it affects me emotionally. Being

surrounded by broken English has given mea different experience than what most kids

experience.


6/16

What could be improved?

My inquiry 1 thesis statement was too broad and itwas not specific enough.

It does not specify how it defines my

communications skills as poor or exceptionallywell.

It does not specify how it affects me emotionallyin my life positively or negatively.

The thesis statement does not describe what kindof experience Ive had versus other kids who didnot grow up with broken English.


7/16

Revision for Inquiry 1

Growing up with broken English has given

me an life lesson experience through my self-

conscious emotions that not many children go

through while defining my communicationskills to be exceptionally well and accepting of

all foreign tongues.


8/16


Even though Clean & Clear does not reach

out to the audience as much, Proactiv has the

better acne advertisement because they use

better ethos, logos, and pathos and Proactivegives a better perception to a larger audience

of theirproduct.


9/16

How has it improved?

More specific and more details of what therhetoric paper is focusing on.

The thesis statement are specific on how the

two commercials are different.

Proactive attracts a larger audience with their

use of ethos, logos and pathos unlike clean &

Clears commercial who has a limited audience.


10/16


My thesis statement for Inquiry 2 is still broad in thesubject of the audience the paper is directed to.

Clean & Clear limits their audience, but who are they?

Men, women, younger children or TV. viewers?

Proactive reaches a larger audience, but who are theiraudience? If it is larger than is it directed to all agesand genders who watch TV.?

The audience for the paper needs to be specified as TVviewers.


11/16


Clean & Clear only reaches out to their

audience of women TV , but Proactiv has the

better acne advertisement because they reach

out to an audience of TV viewers of all gendersand gives a better perception of their products

with the use of ethos, logos and pathos in

their commercial.


12/16


First Letter: Parents need to monitor and talk totheir children about how to appropriately usesocial networking sites to keep them safe and outof trouble from the dangers of social networking.

Second Letter: Facebook is a genius creation,but it needs to have regulations on it to protectthe youth and improve the website tools for theusers for control issues. Facebook should return

to an age regulation of the College students andolder people because it exposes children tomature topics they are not ready to handle.


13/16

How has it improved?

Each letter has a specific audience it is written too.

The first letter is written to Parents of young children . The secondletter is written to Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook.

Each letter is specific about of their argument and why they arearguing that topic.

The first letter argues that parents need to monitor their childrensocial networking to to keep them safe and out of trouble from

the dangers of social networking.

The second letter argues that Facebook needs to have regulationon the youth to protect them, but return to an age regulation ofcollege students and older people since the site exposes childrento mature topics they are not ready to handle while improving

the sites tools for the users for control issues.


14/16


First letter, says that Parents should monitor and talkabout the dangers of social networking. But it needsto be more specific of when they should talk to theirchildren.

Should parents talk to their children daily about thedangers or when should they start to talk about topicsof social networking.

Second Letter, says that Facebook should have

regulations for the users control, but for what? Theregulations on the site tools is used to control privacyissues?


15/16


First letter: Parents need to monitor their childrenweekly use of social networking and talk to them ofhow to appropriately use social networking sites fromthe start of when they begin to use them to keep

them safe and out of trouble from the dangers ofsocial networking.

Second Letter: Facebook is a genius creation, but itneeds to have regulations on it to protect the youthand improve the website tools for the users for

control issues of their privacy. Facebook should returnto an age regulation of the College students and olderpeople because it exposes children to mature topicsthey are not ready to handle.


16/16

Inquiry 4

This project thesis statement was embodied in a website I created for aProactiv commercial from Inquiry 2.

To support my thesis from Inquiry 2 that Proactiv has the better acneadvertisement, I took all the information and presented it on separate

pages on my website.

To show ethos, I posted the video of the Proactiv Commercial featuringJulianne Hough and a page about each product. I also made a celebrity ofthe month page to give the company credibility.

To show logos, I had a page that described how to use the products ofhow they feel and work on the skin.

To show pathos, I created a page of Real Stories of customers who havetried Proactiv and have seen major improvements in their lives. Iincluded before and after photos of the customers face before theyused it and after. I also included quotes of what people said aboutProactiv and how it helped them physically and emotionally.

Documents

Rebecca Ip's Inquiry 5