Rapport Winter 2005/06

Richard BandlerTalks about his quest for knowledge

KELLY HOLMESMental attitude thekey to success

TeenagersA leading coach helps a family in trouble

ISSUE TWO janUary 2006

THE MAGAZINE FOR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

GroomingAn image consultant reveals how looking good leads to sucess

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RRP: £14.99 ISBN: 07645 70285‘An honest and solid book on NLP that standsout amongst the many impenetrable books inthis field.’

Amazon.co.uk reviewer

Wiley, the Wiley logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for the Rest of Us!, and related trademarks, logos and trade dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of Wiley in the United States and other countries. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

Available from all good bookshops For bulk purchases please contact corporate [email protected]

RRP: £14.99 ISBN: 04700 18380At last, a patient friendly guide to CBT. Whateverissue you’re seeking to overcome, this straighttalking book will help you get there.

RRP: £14.99 ISBN: 04700 16698A fun and effective guide to improving confidenceand enhancing performance in all areas of life.

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Unleash YourPotential!

Do Anything...Just Add Dummies

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rapportcontents

Welcome to the second issue of Rapport, the personal development

magazine. I’m happy to report that the vast majority of readers have enjoyed the new magazine. However, like many who are interested in personal development, we’ll strive for excellence and try to make every issue better and more relevant.

This issue we are fortunate to have an interview with one of the co-creators of NLP, Richard Bandler. I have to make an admission here that in the last issue I mistakenly called him the creator of NLP, which caused anxiety among some readers, who pointed out that John Grinder is also a co-creator. Nevertheless, Richard provides an intriguing interviewee as one of the leading trainers in the UK.

We also have many more practical articles this issue, which look at how coaching can solve behavioural problems in teenagers (p34), how a hypnotherapist helped one of her clients control her anxiety and stress (p39), and we investigate whether team-building away days can lead to effective working relationships (p18).

We are also very fortunate to have an interview with Kelly Holmes, the double Olympic gold medal winner, who talks about how important a strong mental attitude was to her success.

William LittleEditor

Editor: William [email protected] Editor: Jonathan DaviesContributors: Doug Costain, Joanna Goodman, Sharon Gray, Nicolette StoddartArt Editor: Mish NorrisAdvertising: David Hammond0870 787 0026CEO: Karen Moxom

Company Registration No.05390486

Phoenix Publishing Limited PO Box 3357, Barnet, EN5 9 AJ

Magazine Printed by: Pims PrintPims House, Mildmay AvLondon N1 4RS

DISCLAIMER The views within this magazine are not necessarily those of the publisher, nor does the publisher endorse the products or services promoted in the magazine. Articles are for information only and intent is to inform. Readers should seek professional advice before adopting any suggestions or purchasing any products herein.

Regulars4 NLP NEWS

6 DEBATEQuality of NLP training

8 WHAT’S NEWThe latest news

20 SPAThe Sanctuary reviewed

41 COLUMNWhat is self-belief

43 BOOK REVIEWSThe latest books reviewed

44 AUTHOR INTERVIEWThe Stress Gremlins author Ann McCracken

50 ENDNOTEMassage therapy

Features10 GROOMINGImage Consultants promise success by changing your look. Rapport investigates

14 NLP INTERVIEWNLP co-creator Richard Bandler reveals how he works with clients

18 TRAINING FEATUREAre team-building away days worth the money?

22 BUSINESS INTERVIEWChief Executive Michael Beale reveals how to run an NLP training course

25 PERSONALITYThe Enneagram personality test is put through its paces

28 HEALTHHow people deal with stress may improve their chances of fighting cancer

32 CELEBRITYDouble Olympic gold medal winner Kelly Holmes talks about her mental attitude

34 COACHINGHow to change the behaviour of a troublesome teenager

39 HYPNOSISA hypnotherapist and her clienttalk about reducing stress

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28

32

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ANLPConferenceDelegate Faith Tait reviews the highlights of this year’s ANLP International Conference

Two more unalike bookends than David Riggio and Gary Outrageous are hard to imagine.

But then, as Conference starter and finisher respectively they had different jobs to do. And their variety was another example of the rich diversity to be relished and enjoyed at the ANLP 2005 Conference.

Novotel Kings Cross was our home for the weekend of 15th/16th October; two days of luxurious immersion in NLP, as you would expect. Wonderful. You can read the books and magazines, but there’s nothing like being inside a friendly and professional NLP world, talking about it, working with it, celebrating it and, very importantly to what I consider to be the spirit of NLP, creatively playing with it. And that, to me, was the special character of this conference.

David Riggio, designer of the MythoSelf Process, took us to a high keynote, exhorting us to go find an immutable space inside ourselves from where we know we can’t put a foot wrong. We then plunged into our workshops. Admittedly I experienced a bit of a comedown in that the one I attended started by asking us to think of a problem we felt stuck with. It’s a classic entry into many an NLP technique, but

it aroused my resistance and presented a challenge as David had banished all traces of stuck states. That makes you think, doesn’t it?

The pitch of the conference chimed with ANLP’s declared intention to form a bridge between NLP and the public as well as encourage and enable professional development. Most delegates were NLP-trained but for some others their involvement thus far was at the level of lay interest.

Most of the speakers were NLPers, but, fascinatingly, some knew very little about it.

So what did they contribute? They gave us invaluable insights into fields in which NLP can be used, such as coaching, from an entirely different but not counter perspective. The result was that we could review and refresh our thinking on what we were doing and choose to enrich it if we wished.

Some speakers creatively applied NLP into fresh fields, such as David Rowan with Astrology. Robert Agar-Hutton linked its energy-work facet with Tai Chi and Reiki. I missed these only because I haven’t mastered how to be in two places at once.

On the other hand, I did hear Wyatt Woodsmall’s deeply satisfying lecture on modelling Michel Thomas and what

that means for NLP training. He added a lament about the way that UK NLP is at the moment, in general and with no specific references, saying it is largely misunderstood these days.

Still others were speaking about the business end of things. ANLP positioned the conference to aid the business of personal development as well as the activity: how down to earth, practical and useful is that. I beefed up my branding skills with Gabriella Goddard as well as sharpening my Breakthrough Business approach with David Scarlett. David’s subsequent newsletters I find invaluable.

So then to Gary Outrageous. You’ve got to be brave, haven’t you, to face a hall full of tired, overfed (yes, we were) delegates, who can’t think straight any more but don’t want it to end. When I saw a sheet of paper with the words of ‘Bring Me Sunshine’ on our chairs, I said to my buddy, ‘You just know we’re going to have to sing it.’ And after re-energising action, laughter and real learning with Gary, we did..

So the ANLP conference was back; open-mind, open-hearted, stimulating and fun. Faith Tait is director of training and coaching at Airside World Ltd. www.airsideworld.com =

REVIEW

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Quality of NLP trainingDoes it matter whether you train for an NLP qualification in seven days or over 20 days? Will you get the same quality? Two experienced NLP practitioners look at each approach and discuss the benefits

David Shephard is the Managing Director and Head of Training and Research for The Performance Partnership.

Neither approach to NLP Practitioner Certification is any better than the other. However I will tell you about the benefits of the seven-day accelerated approach.

TimeDuring any training course there is time required for the trainer to give the students the theory behind the material before they can practice it in the exercises. The student no longer needs to be physically present in the training room for this. By putting all the content on audio CDs and the live demonstrations on DVD, the students can get all of this information whilst at home, in the car, on the train, or literally anywhere. This gives them ultimate flexibility in time management. If one were to add up the time the student takes learning NLP it is roughly the same as a twenty-day training at 130 hours.

RepetitionBecause the students listen to the CDs three times before attending the live

training they have actually attended the Practitioner training four times. This means that all the students are very familiar with the ‘content’ of the Practitioner material and we can hit the ground running with practicing their NLP skills in the exercises.

MomentumBy doing the training in seven contiguous days the students get a real momentum behind their learning without the stop start of modular trainings. This makes learning easier.

Full immersionBy doing seven nine-hour days contiguously the students are fully immersed in the content of the training. This approach to conscious overload is well-known for accelerating unconscious learning. The students are able to gain real NLP skills very quickly and use them to get consistent results.

Conscious – Unconscious IntegrationEach student is required to complete an open book test on the content of the NLP Practitioner training. This assists in focusing their pre-course study and

making sure they have the content consciously. They continue to work on the test during the training so that by the end of the week everyone has 100 per cent. Although having conscious access to the content isn’t necessary to use NLP and get results, it is necessary if you want to teach NLP to others.

ReviewOnce the students have completed the live training they can review the content as often as they want by listening to the CDs again.

Saves moneyIf the students are staying away from home they only have seven nights hotel accommodation to pay for, one set of travel expenses and only five days of holiday allowance to take. In the time it takes to do a twenty day Practitioner training they can do their Practitioner and Master Practitioner Certification.

Both approaches to NLP Certification work. It comes down to the personal preferences of the student. The seven day accelerated approach suits thosewho want to get it all done in a week.www.performancepartnership.com

DEBATE

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Alex Howard is clinical director of The Optimum Health Clinic in Harley Street, London. Alex has a first class degree in psychology and is a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. Alex’s work has been featured in magazines such as Time Out, BBC Radio, Channel 4 and he has recently presented a documentary for Sky One. Alex is a passionate believer in clinically based NLP training.

Perhaps the issue here is not so much the issue here is not so muchthe issue here is not so much the length of training, as the use of home study brings a quantum shift in how NLP trainings can be run, and therefore a seven day format with a highly experienced trainer could be as effective as the old twenty one day format. Instead the issue is around the goals of the student. People come into NLP with all kinds of different aspirations. If somebody is simply interested in learning about how their own mind works, or applying NLP in a context where they are already experienced (such as a sales-person wanting to learn how to sell better) then accelerated trainings are often an exciting and dynamic way to achieve this. However, when we are talking about people training to become therapists it is surely a different issue.

PsychologyIs it possible that the fact that traditional psychology looks on NLP in a less than favourable light something we can learn

from? Psychologists study for at least six years, of which learning the techniques is one aspect. A large part of the training is observing other clinicians working, treating patients under supervision, and having ongoing mentoring and support. Perhaps what is missing from a ‘traditional’ point of view for those that want to go on and become NLP clinicians is this clinical application. That’s not to say that it should take anything like six years to qualify in NLP, but perhaps we can learn from what is relevant in the traditional model.

Clinical trainingAs part of the training that we run at the clinic, students treat real patients whilst being supervised, they watch films of real life sessions and learn to analyse what is really going on, and have the opportunity to come and watch live sessions with paying clinic patients. We have found this invaluable for students at the end of training to not only feel competent in their

abilities, but also confident. Treating real patients is no longer a daunting prospect, as it is something that students have already been doing on an ongoing basis under supervision.

In a clinical context patients are often sceptical, don’t respond to techniques as they ‘should’ do, or as we would expect them to. Being a skilled and competent clinician requires that we are able to see what is really going on in such a context, that we can understand a technique and how to make it work when it doesn’t seem to be working, and how to effectively mix and match elements of three or four different processes in one session to respond to the individual needs of a client. In essence where becoming a clinician is the student’s aim, we might do well to take the best of the model of traditional psychology and use this to add to the great potential and arsenal of tools that NLP has to offer. lwww.TheOptimumHealthClinic.com

Picture: Left, David Shepard; right, Alex Howard

DEBATE


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EricksonianHypnosis

C reated by Jamie Smart, experienced �� trainer, and a�t��r �� i�� n�� trainer, and a�t��r �� i�� n trainer, and a�t��r �� i�� n��ree �nline �� tip��, ��ic� c�rrently g� ��t t� nearly 10,000 pe�pleevery �eek.

T� ��ati��y t�e need ��r a �ig�-q�ality �ypn�tic lang�age learning pr�d�ct, Jamie �a�� c�mbined t�e ��m��r and �armt� y�� may already kn�� r�m �i�� tip�� it� �i��a��cinati�n ��r p��er��l �ypn�tic lang�age t� create t�e �ltimate �ypn��i��kill-b�ilder. Hi�� Erick��nian Hypn��i�� Card�� are an inval�able t��l ��r t��e �i��ingt� learn t�e verbal magic �� t�e ackn��ledged ‘��rld’�� greate��t �ypn�ti��t’, Milt�n H. Erick��n M.D. What will using the cards give you?• Learntobecomeahighlyinfluentialcommunicator• Make ��gge��ti�n�� t�at are imp��ible t� di��agree �it�• Overcomeresistancewithoutargument,tensionorconflict• Changeotherpeople’sstateasyouplayandexperiencethepowerof influence

�appening be��re y��r eye��• �earn t�e p��er �� c�vert c�mm�nicati�n tec�niq�e�� www.saladltd.co.uk

T�e ��er��nal Devel�pment S�� i�� being �eld at ExCel, ��nd�n �n Jan�ary 28 and 29 2006. Vi��it�r�� t� t�e t��-day �� ill learn �� t� �elp reali��et�eir p�tential and make t�eir dream�� a reality. W�rld ��am�� peaker��,

internati�nal ex�ibit�r�� and ��peciali��ed ��c�� z�ne�� pr�mi��e t� ��er diver��e�pp�rt�nitie�� t� �elp devel�p y��r per��nal and pr��e��i�nal li��e.

T�e ex�ibiti�n �ill appeal t� individ�al�� r�m all �alk�� li��e, age�� and c�lt�re�� are determined t� make a p��itive c�ange. T�e �� ill ��er a ‘�ne-��t�p��p’ ��r all per��nal devel�pment c�ncept��, pr�d�ct�� and ��ervice��. �earn �� t�b��t ��el��-e��teem, impr�ve image and appearance, expl�re creativity and ��pirit�ality, maintainhealthandfitness,andimprovecareerandfinancialprospects.

In additi�n, a ��ree ��eminar and ��peaker pr�gramme i�� planned t�at incl�de��t�pic�� c� a�� T�e Science �� Getting Ric�, S�cce�� it��t Stre��, Ma��tering Time and ��er��nal E��ectivene��, Take C�ntr�l �� y��r Career, Five Way�� Y�� Kill y��rConfidenceandWhattoDoAboutThemandYouarePerfectasYouAre.Bob��r�ct�r, a be��t ��elling a�t��r, nati�nal ne��paper c�l�mni��t and credible a�t��rityfigure,isalsospeakingattheshow.Bobiswell-knownandhighlyrespectedallovertheWorldwithHarleyDavidson,AmericanExpress,MicrosoftandAmazon.comasprevi�� p�n��r�� i�� eminar��. www.excel-london.co.uk

NLP Trainers Training Certification With Dr John Grinder, Michael Carroll andCarmen Bostic St Clair

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��kill�� t� t�e �ig�e��t level. T�i�� c��r��e ��tand�� al�ne in t�e��rld �� , a�� t�e c��r��e t� take i�� y�� ant t� ��tart an ��-ba��ed b��ine��.

AccordingtotheNLPAcademy,JohnGrinderhascomet� t�e c�ncl��i�n t�at �it� �� many pe�ple ��eeking t� train NLP,thebestwayhecanguideandinfluencethefieldist� train t�e trainer��. J��n, Carmen and Mic�ael, t�e ��Academysays,havetotallyre-writtenTrainersTraining��r t�e m�dern market. Y�� ill be privy t� t�e late��t idea��r�m J��n Grinder and �ave t�e a�t�enticity �� a Grinder signedcertificate.CertificationwillbeawardedjointlybyQuantumLeap(JohnGrinderandCarmenBosticStClair’scompany)andTheNLPAcademy.CertificateswillbesignedbyJohnGrinder,CarmenBosticStClairandMic�ael Carr�ll.Trainer�� Training c�n��i��t�� t�ree m�d�le�� ver 19 day��.M�d�le I: E��ential Training Skill��; 25 - 30 Marc� 2006 ModuleII:SkillsforNLPTrainers;1-7April2006ModuleIII:Certification;9-12April2006 Y�� can elect t� take • M�d�le I �n a ��tand-al�ne ba��i��• M�d�le�� I and II t�get�er• M�d�le�� I, II and III (F�ll Trainer�� Training and

Certification)T� b��k, email: in��@realnlp.c�.�k, �r call 020 8686 9952.

ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSE OFFEREver wanted to train as an anger manager coach? Well now is your opportunity: Rapport in association with Protectics training is offering readers a discount of up to £1000 on their

independent anger management course. All you have to do is visit www.protectics.co.uk/anlp and type in the code anlp2006. You will receive a £500 discount on the cost of the course and a further £500 discount on workbooks.

WHAT’S NEW

8 January 2006: rapport

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ImageconsultantKnowing what to wear can make you a smarter and friendlier person. Sounds far fetched? Sharon Gray spent a day with an image consultant to find out

You only get one chance to make a first impression – so make sure it’s a good one. It might

seem obvious and somewhat of a clich��but like all clich��s it’s based on truth��s it’s based on truth��s it’s based on truth�� presenting yourself at your best can only improve your confidence, which in turn increases performance, or to put it more succinctly: look good, feel good, do good.

However, image is a tricky nut to crack. It’s not just about a look, it’s the right look – the right look to suit you, to suit the occasion and to suit the impression you want to create. So how do you ensure the image fits?

Apparently, warm, rich and earthy colours, more accessories and a neater look are the way forward for me. And V-necks. Confused? Well, these are just some of the helpful guidelines I received after my one-to-one consultation with L��onie Roberts, an image consultant.

‘We want people to use dress as a visual shorthand of what they want to say about themselves,’ explains L��onie. ‘We are visually dominant human beings, which means that we make judgements, whether we want to or not, on what we see. We also believe what we see over what we hear.’

L��onie used to run start-up companies in the city but three years ago she changed direction and trained as an image consultant with Aston+Hayes, where she now works as a trainer herself. And she’s a fine advocate of the look good, feel good, do good ethos: ‘Image consultancy always makes people more

aware of the power of their image, gets them thinking about the way that they look impacting on the way people think about them. This can be relatively profound for some people and the marked difference in their attitude just feeds their confidence and success.

‘My most successful client trained with us in early January and by the end of the year had written three books. She had the magnetism already but we gave her the skills, confidence and look to pull it off.’

However, don’t think it’s going to be an easy ride of flattery and pandering as it’s fairly personal. ‘Work colleagues can’t tell you that you have a personal hygiene problem, but I can,’ says L��onie bluntly. The truth can be harsh but necessary – and ultimately more beneficial for you.

Two days before meeting with L��onie, I went for a makeover at a hair salon/photo studio. I was promised a ‘J-Lo day’ that would consist of a haircut or colour, a consultation, hand beauty treatments, make-up applied by a top artist and finally a professional photo shoot. Sadly instead of a fabulous and fun experience that would create a whole new, improved me, the reality was a six-hour production line (including two hours of sitting on a chair waiting for something to happen). It was very impersonal and apart from my great hair stylist, no practical advice was offered and my consultation never happened.

The photo shoot was particularly demoralising – despite explaining to the photographer how uncomfortable I felt with his stock poses and requesting we try something more natural and less static, he continued on his seemingly well-trodden path with the result that I looked very ill at ease in my photos. I had assumed the makeover would boost my morale and confidence but instead I felt drained and dejected.

‘We don’t like the word makeover’, says L��onie, diplomatically and it’s easy to see why after my consultation with her. She began with an assessment of my current image and first impressions, and the areas for ‘change’ I should focus on to achieve my successful ‘personal brand’. Then she moved into practical mode, with a physical assessment of my body shape and personal colouring and advice not just on what clothing to wear but also hair styles, glasses, jewelleryjewelleryand make-up. It was all done in a very friendly but professional way, and, most importantly, it was all directed at making ‘me’ look my best.

Did you know the colour to wearcolour to wear to wear to look intelligent is blue, while browns make you look friendly and approachable? Or that horizontal lines shorten, vertical lines lengthen and wearing jewellery or accessories that are too small can make you look bigger than you actually are? It seems there are a fair few tricks of the trade and I left feeling much more confident about what suited me best. (I also took away swatches of Ñ

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GROOMING

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The average woman wastes a shocking £500 a year on clothes they don’t wear

GROOMI NG

rapport: January 2006... 11 07

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my colours – warm, rich and earthy – and a booklet outlining all her detailed guidelines on what to wear and how, in case I relapsed).

If this all sounds a bit Trinny and Susannah, there are similarities but thankfully you’re not subjected to the breast grabbing or vile shock tactics that make for great TV but traumatised clients. ‘We love Trinny and Susannah because they have made thinking about clothes fashionable and brought image awareness to the forefront,’ says Léonie, much to my surprise. ‘But they aren’t trained image consultants,’ she diplomatically adds.

Léonie’s clients are diverse: they range in age from 16 to 80, (‘generally people have the money and the inclination between 30-50’) with women being 80 per cent of her private consultations. However, with corporate consultations, the male/female split is 50:50.

‘People use image consultants when they want change, want to check they are getting things right, for confidence building, raising their visibility at work – the permutations are endless, says Léonie. ‘I can’t make you the best paid person at work, but I can make you look like you should be.’

Half-day consultations start at £250, which can be viewed as an investment; finding your personal style can be a way of creating a more cost-effective wardrobe. A recent newspaper article reported that the average woman wastes a shocking £500 a year on clothes they don’t wear. In fact, many of us wear 20 per cent of our clothes 80 per cent of the time. By taking the guesswork out of clothing choices, you can avoid expensive mistakes and create a wardrobe that’s easy to coordinate.

Depending on the image you choose to portray, you can be seen as confident, intelligent, approachable, powerful…

the list is endless. But it’s easy to see how making the right choice can influence how you’re received, be it by clients, future employers or even the in-laws.

I’m off on a shopping mission now to revamp my wardrobe, equipped with more direction and options. Actually, I can smugly reveal that I had instinctively chosen all the right colours and most of the right shapes to suit my height and frame. But we can keep that under my (sharp) hat. After all its not often you can treat yourself with such a clear conscience. All in a days work…www.aston-hayes.com l

Many of us wear 20 per cent of our clothes 80 per cent of the time

How to make the most of your image1) Wearclothesthatfitwell.

Ignore the sizing labels on garments as these vary enormouslyfromonebrandtoanother.Insteadaimforanoverall‘easyloose’fit,andavoidanythingthat’stootight.

2) Make sure your clothes are appropriate – for the environment; your role and position; the occasion and the people you’re meeting; and the climate andthetimeofday.

3) Optforqualityoverquantity.Good-qualityclothes,shoesandaccessoriesareinvestmentsthatwillrepaythemselvesoverandover,sobuythehighestqualityyoucanafford.

4) Bewellaccessorised.Jewellery,watches,pens,glasses,beltsetc.shouldalwaysbeofthehighestqualityyoucanaffordandingoodcondition.

5) Takecareovergrooming.Poorgroomingandpersonalcleanlinesswillnegateyourentirelookregardlessofhowwelldressed you are so invest in the time needed to maintainskin,hair,eyebrows,handsandnails.

GROOMING


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RichardBandlerSince the creation of NLP in the 1970s, Richard Bandler has striven for excellence. He tells William Little what underpins his achievements

T alking to Richard Bandler is a mixture of receiving a prep talk about striving for excellence

and knowledge and having a lecture about the bio-chemical structures of the brain. At the end you feel confident that you can achieve endlessly, while at the same time you’re left with a nervous feeling that you haven’t quite understood everything he has said.

This isn’t surprising. He says he solves problems mathematically and uses his background in physics and chemistry to understand how the brain works, thereby knowing how to get the most out of it. Despite Bandler talking about things like ‘non-linear variables’, you know somehow, somewhere, the experience has left your brain with a desire to find out more, rather than give into the complexity.

Of course, the last thing you imagine Bandler would want is for me, or anyone, to give in or not try. In fact, he admits that he never stops thinking and pushing at the boundaries of what he knows. For

28 years, he has learnt about all sorts of ideas from architecture, neurology, CAT scans – a new way of thinking in another area could be used to help people understand how the brain works better, he says.

Bandler has interesting ideas about NLP. At one point, after yet another question in which I use the term NLP, he suggests that I refer to it as though it were a person. For him, it’s just a term for a range of techniques that he helped create back in California in the 70s with John Grinder. The fact that it wasn’t psychology meant it needed another name. Yet most of that ‘stuff ’ he reckons he doesn’t use any more.

He also says he gets frustrated at the politics of NLP, about organisations saying who can teach it and who can’t. ‘When I came to England originally, people told me I couldn’t teach NLP. Well they can just f..k off, how dare they say that I can’t teach it.’

At this point, I tell him that the public relations department of

the organisation he works with in England told me I was only allowed the interview if I called him the creator of NLP. I tell him that I’ve already been hauled over the coals by John Grinder’s representatives in the UK for calling him that in the last issue. They were keen to point out that John Grinder was legally co-creator. Fair enough, I thought.

Isn’t this NLP politics though? Seeing my plight, he says I can call him co-creator. He lists what he created and what Grinder created. Then, changing tack, he tells me that he doesn’t have to say he is co-creator to anyone and that anyone who quibbles with that should deal with him face to face, but they should be worried about that because he’s modelled quite a lot of things – here he leaves a dramatic pause before saying: ‘such as voodoo’.

Humour is important to Bandler’s approach and he ensures that laughterensures that laughter is essential to his training programmes..Reviews always point out how funny he is during seminars. The state u


NLP

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NLP


of the mind is essential for learning and humour can alter its chemical state. ‘When people are having fun their learning is more apt. Every genius has a fabulous sense of humour. If they get stuck, they make enough jokes to go into an altered state until they come up with another idea,’ he reveals.

Yet while he likes jokes and being flippant, such as saying that some ‘people can suffer from a bad case of seriousness – you can be cured of that.’ He takes the teaching of NLP seriously. Trainers have to know about the brain

and not just about the techniques. ‘It’s like a car mechanic not knowing about an engine,’ he says.

Just by calling yourself an NLP coach doesn’t mean you’re any good, he suggests. ‘I’ve known people who have taught NLP and not seen a client for years. I still see clients who everyone else has given up on and I Iearn the most from them. You have to know when people were trained and who by. I’ve known people talk family therapy that have never seen a family’

He also says it’s not about how many

days you study either. ‘You can study for years and not learn anything. We all managed that at school. To me serious learning is about reading everything you can and then going back to study it. Training people is not enough, you have to keep doing it and doing it.’

You get the strong impression from speaking to Bandler that everything is possible so long as you have the right mental attitude and belief. Everyone who teaches NLP will feel the same, of course, because that’s what NLPs about, but there’s something else about

Bandler. On top of all the knowledge and understanding, there’s something visceral and human – there’s a real dogged determination – he wants the biggest challenge and he won’t give up.

‘No one comes to me first. I just never give up when all my clients have been given up on. They say no one can help them, but they’ve always been wrong. There is a way. If someone says they can’t help [a client] then that is a reflection on them,’ he says, adding with such intensity his words resonate: ‘Don’t ever give up.’

Those words strike a chord with everyone who has ever wanted to achieve something or overcome a problem. For Bandler, those words have never mattered more than last year when he suffered a stroke and was told he wouldn’t walk again. It almost goes without saying that he can walk. He knows how the muscles are hooked up to the brain, he says. ‘If I have a problem moving something, I would stimulate it until it worked again’.

Alongside this determination, there seems to be an ethical core running through Bandler’s work. He worked with schizophrenics because he didn’t like the way they were being treated, for instance. ‘The bottom line is that everything is biochemical, but it is too easy to give people drugs. They didn’t get better, they just got more confused, but less disruptive. People should not be locked up for being nuts.’ he says. It seems he has been most successfulhe has been most successful helping people with phobias as this is what motivates him the most.

He tells the story of one woman he worked with who couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was imaginary. ‘She said she had just killed her parents, but her psychiatrist told her that she had just had lunch with them. She burst into tears.’

Bandler then asked her to imagine that she came to the session in a helicopter. He then asked her to tell him how she knew the difference between the reality of travelling in a car and the imaginary flight. She didn’t know. He then asked the psychiatrist to do the same thing and when he asked him the same question, his response was that the imagined scenario had a black boarder round it. Bingo.

Bandler then hypnotised the woman to put black boarders round her fantasies so she could tell reality from fantasy. Simple, it seems, but it allowed her to cope better with her condition.Today, Bandler still learns most from his clients. For him, that is essential. lwww.paulmckenna.com

Picture:Richard Bandler

You can study for years and not learn anything. We all managed that at school


NLP


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RNew P17 v1.indd 1 12/30/05 11:25:46 PM

The current revival in team-building away days is hardly surprising. Email,

voice mail, mobile messaging and teleconferencing have reduced the need for face-to-face meetings. Technology and geography create virtual teams that may never physically meet. As a result, organisations have to work harder to maintain good working relationships and team spirit among their employees. It follows, therefore, that a recent study has found that almost 80 per cent of UK organisations regularly spend money on team-building away days and weekends.

The amount of performance improvement that is possible from turned on teams is not small – it is enormous, the study revealed. Firms realise the importance of having committed teams pulling together and team building has become big business. The alcohol-fuelled jollies of a decade ago have been replaced by a plethora of programmes promising to facilitate team bonding as well as providing employers with a valuable insight into the way their workers’ minds work and how they approach challenges.

There is an enormous selection of

activities on offer, all designed to create the right environment for team bonding. They include adventurous outdoor pursuits, treasure hunts and spy games. Given the wide range of options and the fact that managers are often time poor, many companies are turning to tailor-made away days focused on their particular requirements.

Getting people away from the office has great benefits. It breaks the link with everyday concerns and the office hierarchy, so that staff at different levels and in separate departments can get to know each other and engage in healthy competition. But what do team-building activities really achieve?

According to Peter Burton, sales and marketing manager of Friday Island, a purpose-built centre that arranges team-building days and corporate events, there are three main reasons for arranging a company away day. • As the basis for team building, leadership development and management training. • To bring together people from different branches of the same organisation to get to know each other.

• To build team spirit and motivation, deal with leadership issues, integrate new staff into existing teams and create ‘a renaissance mood’.

In each case the overall aim is to help team members understand and support each other and realise that in an effective team, ‘Our differences are our strength,’ as Burton puts it.

Friday Island’s ‘Dash and Splash’ days are popular team-building events incorporating land and water-based activities designed for teams of six to 10 people. There is an obstacle course, a treasure hunt, a shooting range, a climbing tower with a zip wire and an aqua-relay in which teams are allocated different craft for a relay race across the lake. Dragon boat racing, with 20 people in each boat is a novel and colourful option. Some activities are skill or fitness based, while others encourage team members to plan together and trust each other. Companies can mix and match depending on the size and profile of the group. Afterwards there is a prize-giving, with a good-natured dunking for the losers and a hot tub for the winners and drinks and dinner are served around a

TRAINING

AraftofideasTeam-building away days are designed to make office workers bond and work more effectively. Joanna Goodman investigates


RNew_P18_19_TeamTrai_v3.indd 2 12/30/05 10:52:05 PM

camp fire to encourage togetherness!Burton claims a high success rate

in boosting team spirit. ‘The biggest successes are often among the groups that you wouldn’t expect to enjoy it,’ he says. ‘People working in government offices, for example, are often quite shy and nervous when they arrive, but by the end of the day they are laughing together like school kids and they take that feeling back with them.’

How do people respond to competing with their colleagues? ‘Some companies just want everybody to bond together, but it’s human nature to want to compete,’ explains Burton. ‘Once you put people into teams, they get fired up and want to win, which is good for motivation and morale.’

The people who really matter though, are the employees. Peter Oliver is a sales manager in a multinational company that recently sent its UK employees to Friday Island. ‘There were about 40 of us in eight cross-functional teams,’ he explains. ‘We spent a whole day getting to know people from other departments and this definitely improved working relationships. The away day was particularly useful as employees are based in different locations and many of them had never actually met, even though they worked with the same clients.’ Oliver feels that although younger and fitter employees tended to be at an advantage, particularly as people got wet, cold and tired, the activities did reflect the fitness levels of the whole group. ‘The finale was

a dragon boat race, and absolutely everyone enjoyed that,’ he says. ‘They also loved the hot tub afterwards!’

According to Oliver, a lot of the bonding took place around the camp fire, as people relaxed and discussed the day’s events. It also gave them a shared experience to take back to the office. Oliver feels the day was a great success. ‘The only difficulty was that sales

people in particular tended to get over-competitive and tempers flared,’ he says. ‘Some of the more aggressive behaviour caused resentment, especially when people tried to cheat on the tasks! It was important not to bring any bad feeling back to the office, so some damage limitation had to be done to smooth things over.’

Mountain Mayhem offers adventurous outdoor activities designed to challenge people and make them pull together. Activities on offer include quad biking, rally karting, target shooting, paintballing, raft building and a very tough assault course. ‘The key is to keep it challenging for everyone and that means asking lots of questions beforehand and ensuring that the programme reflects the group’s fitness,’ says Vicki, the event organiser.

The biggest successes are often among the groups that you wouldn’t expect to enjoy it

Given the physical nature of most of Mountain Mayhem’s activities, how do they keep over-competitiveness in check? ‘We combine exercises like raft building and shooting that require planning and precision with more physical activities like paintballing and the assault course,’ explains Vicki. ‘We design each programme to bring out different people’s strengths and even

out the competition. If someone is overtly competitive, we tend to make them take the tough route over the assault course!’

Teams are encouraged to work

together to overcome tough challenges. Trained instructors provide friendly support throughout the day. ‘We’re people-friendly people and very safety conscious. We get to know the individuals and the teams,’ says Vicki. ‘We constantly assess how everyone is doing and make sure nobody gets left behind,’ she explains.

Team building at its best can produce amazing results. ‘Someone recently went home having been helped by their team to overcome a lifelong fear of heights,’ says Vicki. ‘That’s an extreme example, but we want everyone to go away feeling they’ve really achieved something.’ You couldn’t ask for a better testimony to team spirit than that, so get together and be adventurous! lwww.friday-island.co.ukwww.mountainmayhem.com


TRAINING

RNew_P18_19_TeamTrai_v3.indd 3 12/30/05 10:52:10 PM

WestendgirlSet in the heart of London’s West End, The Sanctuary offers stressed city dwellers the ultimate escape. After a busy week at work, Nicolette Stoddart put their expertise in relaxation to the test

Think zone one Central London, two minutes from an overcrowded tube station. Hot stressed-out

commuters, manic tourists, shopaholics, workaholics, stress, strain, and... an oasis of soothing candlelight, pure tranquillity and relaxation. Not an image that automatically springs to mind, and yet only moments away from the cacophony of Covent Garden’s bustle and noise, is a female only spa: The Sanctuary. I arrived highly strung and caffeine fuelled, unsure whether a few hours there would relax me, and yet passing through the Sanctuary entrance, a world of calm and indulgence awaited, where a dimly lit central area of bridges and walkways, surrounding a beautiful koi carp filled pool, lead onto bathing areas, snooze lounges, spas, saunas and a superb range of indulging treatments.

You can book a full day at the Sanctuary for £65 (weekdays, £75 at weekends) or an evening session for £40.

This includes entrance into all the main spa relaxation areas. For an additional fee, you can choose from a variety of treatments including massages or facials, a session in the colour relaxation studio where you are seduced by changing shades of blues and greens, the intriguing Rasul mud treatment, the Boreh spice body indulgence, and many more. I opted for the 55-minute full body aromatherapy massage. I was offered an oil to ‘relax or revive’ (no guesses which one I went for) and was treated to an hour of pure indulgence. Starting with deep breaths of the chosen oil, the masseur then relieves muscular tension by working essential oils into the neck and back, then legs, feet and finally up to the head. Half way through you are turned onto your back and a heated eye mask is placed over your eyes (in case you’re not relaxed enough already). By the time it was over I felt extraordinarily relaxed (and extremely well oiled).

I was there for an evening session and found that only really allowed for one hour-long treatment – as the onus of the place is on relaxation, you will relish the time to simply sit and unwind. Arrive a good hour before your first treatment – you’ll feel the benefits far more if you’ve unwound to start with. The spa also offers the option of tasty, well-priced evening meals and wine, and after three hours of hardcore relaxation, this was definitely welcome.

The best thing about the Sanctuary is that it offers a space to escape from normal life to relax, and as a woman I did enjoy de-stressing in an all-female environment. It would be ideal for time on your own to daydream or read, or as a place to spend time with a friend, indulge in pre-wedding pampering, or simply soothe away the stresses of daily life. I definitely felt extremely relaxed and refreshed, and although the four-hour evening session wasn’t quite long enough for more treatments, it was a wonderful way of unwinding after a long day.

I also found it well priced and superbly well staffed, and if you haven’t indulged

enough at the end, you get the chance to sample the great range of Sanctuary products in the changing room. The next day I genuinely felt de-stressed – indulgence can definitely be good for you and is worth splashing out on if finding space and time to relax rarely happens. lwww.thesanctuary.co.uk


SPA

RNew_P20_Spa_v3.indd 2 12/30/05 10:39:53 PM

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ADVERTORIAL


RNew_P21_Advertorial_v3.indd 1 12/30/05 10:33:47 PM

A s many people and organisations continually have to adapt to changing marketplace

conditions, executive and business performance coaching is becoming a popular way to get ahead. And as businesses recognise that people are their most valuable resource, they are more prepared to help them work more effectively to realise both corporate and individual goals.

Michael Beale, founder and director of PPI Business NLP, is a successful executive coach who uses NLP techniques to help organizations and managers maximise their business performance. His company provides NLP training for business, executive coaching and bespoke in-house courses on teambuilding, communication, networking, presenting and sales. Beale works with corporate clients including

BT, Coutts and AstraZeneca as well as helping top executives develop their one-to-one skills.

Beale’s premise is that effective communication impacts on every aspect of running a business, so enhancing peoples’ communication skills and their ability to build rapport will improve their performance at work as well as promoting good working relationships throughout an organisation. ‘Basically,

Picture:MichaelBeale

BUSINESS INTERVIEW

Intellectual Kung-Fu


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NLP is very good for all people-to-people interaction,’ explains Beale. ‘NLP techniques are by far the quickest and most effective way of getting people to improve their one-to-one skills.’ He also uses NLP to build rapport with his clients to help them get what they want out of executive coaching. ‘People often ignore one-to-one skills, but you can’t coach, you can’t sell and you can’t lead easily without them,’ he says.

The people who attend his NLP courses are often ambitious middle managers. They’ve not usually been sent by their companies, but have decided to take on some resources to help them get that promotion.

Beale offers bespoke training to help managers and teams deliver on specific company objectives like increasing the performance of the sales force, helping the marketing department communicate more effectively or working with the HR team on interviewing techniques.

The success of executive coaching using NLP is documented by the fact that more and more organisations choose to spend part of their training budgets on NLP. So does NLP always work, or has Beale ever had to fall back on more conventional coaching techniques? ‘If you rely on one technique alone, it may or may not work, depending on individual circumstances,’ he explains. ‘But because NLP is so wide and is basically about very best practice, there are enough tools in the toolkit to be able to help address any problem.’

As coaching is a reactive tool – people need help with a particular aspect of their role – it can work on many different levels. ‘Coaching can work simply by

creating a space for somebody to work out their own issues,’ says Beale. ‘But using NLP is wider than simply applying a technique. It’s a process that involves examining what a client is doing now. If they’re not getting the results that they want, it may be that most of what they do is fine, but one or two things need adjusting. So I model what they do at the moment, compare it with the best practice model and tweak the things that need a little work.’

Beale claims that NLP is the key to his success with many of his clients. ‘The first step is to make absolutely certain the person being coached knows exactly what they want to achieve,’ he says. That may sound simplistic, but people often go for things that they don’t really want.’

Beale then draws on NLP techniques and other coaching resources to find

the quickest way to deliver results. ‘NLP is like a martial art: you learn the techniques and then do what’s necessary to get the results you want. You have a set of attitudes, tools and techniques to draw on,’ he explains. ‘It becomes very holistic. NLP gives people a basic framework to refer back to and use as a way of determining how far you’ve got.’

Having coached many senior executives, Beale can spot the business leaders who’ve had NLP training. ‘It comes out in lots of different ways,’ he

Michael Beale, the founder and director of PPI Business NLP uses NLP-powered coaching to boost business performance. Joanna Goodman investigates

NLP techniques are by far the quickest and most effective way of getting people to improve their one-to-one skills

says. ‘They’re effective communicators. They use stories, tone of voice and rhythm in the way they speak. It may be that they have a clear vision of what they want. These are all NLP traits.’ How do these qualities impact on the businesses they lead? ‘NLP-trained leaders are congruent,’ explains Beale. ‘They actually walk the talk. It makes a tremendous difference. If a leader says one thing and does another, in the end it does not create the right conditions for a successful

business. If leaders are congruent in what they are doing, they will be much more effective leaders.’ Does it follow

that if Britain were run by NLP trained leaders, we would be the largest economy in Europe? ‘Sending people on NLP courses is not always the answer,’ he says. ‘There is no doubt that many business leaders would be helped by NLP coaching, but it needs to relate to their individual outcomes. It’s like coaching a football team: a good coach will improve performance and NLP is one of the very best basics for coaching.’ lBeale can be contacted through his website

www.ppimk.com or on 01908 506563

Intellectual Kung-Fu


BUSINESS INTERVIEW

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RNew P24 v1.indd 1 12/30/05 11:25:17 PM

The Enneagram is the world’s most effective personality test. William Little put it to the test to see whether it could find a personality where thousands had failed before it

Give me several options and I’ll choose all of them. I just can’t decide. I’m either very decisive

or not decisive at all. Even when I first read that everyone priorities a mode of communication in NLP such as auditory, visual or kinaesthetic, I was ensure which I was. The help of a few phrases to help me decide, such as ‘I heard it from his own lips’ or ‘sight for sore eyes’ didn’t help as I say or write most of them. Disturbingly, they made me realise I was a walking cliché.

So when I heard that there were nine personality types in the Enneagram personality test, the only test of its kind that has been validated by research by the SHL Group, the world’s largest occupational psychometric test provider, I thought there was no chance I’d be able to find out who I was. Unfortunately,

there wasn’t a personality type called the Undecided. I would have to choose between such admirable types such as the Achiever, the Challenger, The Helper and the Idealist? Which would I be and would it really matter if I discovered the real me anyway?

I decided to take the free test on the website and immediately I was flummoxed by the very first question. ‘I’ve been romantic and imaginative’ or ‘I’ve been pragmatic and down to earth’. And that’s what it is like throughout. You have to search your soul and memory for who you think you really are.

This is part of the design of the test, which forces you to choose between two statements. This enables the computer programme to give you a score for each personality type. The highest is almost certainly your personality type, which,

apparently, doesn’t change throughout your life.

Don Riso and Russ Hudson created the test and found that, ‘everyone emerges from childhood with one of the nine types dominating their personality, with inborn temperament and other pre-natal factors being the main determinants of our type. Subsequently, this inborn orientation largely determines the ways in which we learn to adapt to our early childhood environment.’

There are a number of rules as well. People don’t change from one basic personality type to another and the descriptions of the personality types are universal and apply equally to males and females, since no type is inherently masculine or feminine.

‘None of the questions are making a judgement’ says Grahame Morgan

Multiplepersonality


PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Ñ

RNew_P25_26_Ennigrams_v3.indd 1 12/30/05 10:35:20 PM

Watson, an Enneagram trainer. No answer is better than any other, he says. It helps discover your level of self-awareness and also aspects of your personality you may like to improve. For instance, if you choose all the statements relating to taking control and being dominate, it may show that you are over assertive and need to listen to others more. This is conversely true if you are too meek and mild. With the help of a trainer, you’ll be able to interpret your personality and work through the changes.

So not content with the free test and wanting more of a challenge, I decided to investigate how effective the full test can be. This is a mere 145 questions and it takes about 40 minutes online. Some questions I felt were impossible to answer. Maybe this reflected my personality type. I know I like discussing

issues, so when faced with question number 142 which gave the option: ‘I have often wondered why people focus on the negative when there is so much that’s wonderful about life or I have often wondered why people are so happy when so much in life is messed up’, I didn’t have an answer. I’ve never thought about life as being an either or situation. It got me thinking, instead, about the psychological and sociological causes of why someone might think like that. At this rate, the test was going to take me 40 hours, not 40 minutes.

Grahame admits that the lack of context can be frustrating, but the test has helped people find balance in their lives and also work out whether they are being true to the personality types. For instance, each personality type is given a number of qualities which can show what they will be like at their best

and at their worst – what will happen to them under stress. The Achiever, number three personality type – for instance, is described as effective, competent, adaptable, goal-oriented, charming, into performance, and image-conscious.

However, if an Achiever gets stressed, they: ‘Drive themselves too hard, their stress can go beyond what they can normally cope with. When this occurs, they tend to go on ‘autopilot,’ attempting to just get through things without being bothered, in the manner of average Nines (The Peacemaker). Threes going to Nine become more passive and fall into routines. They lose focus and involve themselves with busywork to give the appearance that they’re doing things.’

I finished the test. Each personality type gets a score and the one that is the highest – two or three points above the others – is who you are. I got 22 for Achiever, 20 for Investigator, and 18 for the Enthusiast

Luckily I had Graham on hand to help me make sense of it. As a journalist I am probably more likely to be the Enthusiast, the person who likes variety and choice. But then when I went back to the Achiever I read and thought that was more me.

Don Riso, co-founder of the Enneagram Institute, tells me that you can skip questions that are problematic and come back to them. He says that the main personality trait will stay constant but the other scores can fluctuate, and this can tell a therapist where you need work in other areas of your life. For instance, he says that many people have low Eights (the Challenger), which he says could be a metaphor for how people are today – lacking in confidence, independence and with little assertiveness.

The Enneagram is a dynamic test that allows you to judge where you are at any given moment. You don’t just take one, but you take them over a period of time.

Riso says that businesses and therapists use the test to cut down on stress in the workplace, for instance. He also says that the personality test can get to the heart of who someone is so quickly that therapists have saved themselves over a year of analysis! lwww.enneagraminstitute.com

Picture: RussHudson

The personality test is a dynamic test that allows you to judge where you are and how you can change


PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

RNew_P25_26_Ennigrams_v3.indd 2 12/30/05 10:35:21 PM

Riso-Hudsonthean emerging Presence . . .

+44 (0) 1403 823 283

Discover for yourself - how this modern synthesis of ancient and contemporary insightsinto human nature, can help you in your Coaching, NLP and Personal Development Work.The Enneagram is one of the most powerful tools for understanding ourselves and others.With practical applications for Conflict Resolution , Stress Management and Relationship Building

Enneagram Discovery DayA unique one day introductory workshop to begin discovering your own personality type, how thesystem works, the levels and key motivations.

Cost £ 139. inc vat, lunch and workshop manual

Cost £ 139. inc vat, lunch and workshop manualFacilitator; Grahame Morgan-Watson. Riso-Hudson Certified Enneagram Teacher,

INLPTA NLP Trainer, Consultant & Trainer Language & Behaviour (LAB) Profile.Passionate facilitator who obviously believes completely in this tool for psychological and spiritual

Chaplin, Whitelands College, Roehampton University.

Steve Colgate, New Leaf Performance Coaching

Details of our specialised Enneagram workshops visit our website: www.Enneagram.gb.com

To book, discuss in-house workshops or enquire about our Enneagram coaching - consultationsphone 01403 823 283 or email [email protected] info and Free test available at our dedicated Enneagram website: www.Enneagram.gb.com

RNew P27 v1.indd 1 12/30/05 11:18:31 PM

The incidence of cancer is increasing, yet a complementary approach reveals that how you think can affect your ability to fight the disease. William Little finds out

We all know that cancer is on the increase – latest estimates from the Department of

Health reveals that 40 per cent of us will get it. Yet while conventional treatments are becoming more effective, the charity, Bristol Cancer Care says it can boost our ability to fight the disease if we adopt its holistic health techniques. An increasing number of cancer doctors agree.

The Bristol Approach, which the charity has pioneered for 25 years, shows cancer patients how to combine the use of complementary therapies such as counselling and massage, emotional support, calming self-help techniques like meditation, and practical advice on nutrition and lifestyle.

The combination gives them the best chance of survival by making their minds and bodies as healthy as possible, the charity says.

‘The Bristol Approach is not just about individual therapies but about the whole package,’ says Helen Gunson, Head of Therapy at the charity.

The benefits of the approach are wide ranging. ‘It helps people to deal with the initial diagnosis, when there is a huge amount of fear, isolation and a sense of loss. We aim to put people back in control.

‘The experience people have of the centre is hugely different from hospital. A lot of people who come here feel a huge sense of relief. They know they are going to be supported and that they can be angry and upset. People describe arriving

here like walking into a big hug.’While the Approach supports

people emotionally, the Centre is not interested in giving patients false hope, but providing advice based on the latest research. This includes the science of psycho-neuro-immunology (PNI), which shows how changes in our thoughts, emotions and beliefs can bring about changes in our physical health and well-being.

‘PNI describes how our psychology relates to the body’s defence system. Through research we know they are integrated and how we feel can impact on the body,’ says Gunson. Stress, for instance, causes the release of the hormone cortisol that can damage the immune system.

‘What we are trying to do is to get people in the best place possible in order to fight their cancer, helping people to understand the impact of stress and promoting health in illness and supporting people through treatment.’

Yet the charity is keen to stress that the Approach is not a cure, nor a replacement for traditional treatments, such as chemotherapy, but complementary to them. It says it helps to boost the immune system, the body’s first line of defence when we are ill.

The Approach is offered as residential and day courses at the centre. Patients can opt to attend, for instance, either a two-day Bristol Approach course or a five- day Bristol retreat course. Patients on both course

stay over night at the centre, giving them the time and space to concentrate entirely on their own health. There’s also a helpline.

Some of the advice on offer is commonsense, such as making people aware that watching TV is not the best way to relax, to the importance of massage in improving self-esteem.

‘For some patients, receiving a massage can be the first time that they have allowed someone to touch their body after a mastectomy – just to feel u

mindovermatter

Picture: Janis Dear and her daugher


HEALTH

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HEALTH

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someone’s nurturing loving touch can be a transforming process,’ says Gunson.

Massage also releases feel-good endorphins and eases tension in the muscles, which encourages better blood flow that ensures all parts of the body are receiving enough oxygen and nutrients.

The centre aims to get patients to incorporate the Approach into their every day lives, maybe taking ten minutes a day to meditate, for instance. But it also encourages realistic change. ‘We want people to acknowledge their successes rather than what they aren’t managing to do, so they don’t get discouraged,’ says Gunson.

The Bristol Approach today has entered the mainstream with an increased reputation among cancer specialists. Karol Sikora, Professor of Cancer Medicine at the Imperial School of Medicine, Hammersmith Hospital has called the Bristol Approach ‘the gold standard for complementary care in cancer.’ He admits himself that he has learnt a lot from the Bristol centre about the way to help support patients, and for the last 12 years has incorporated a lot of its practices into his own cancer clinic at the hospital.

‘We had three patients struggling with their treatment,’ he recalls. ‘They went to Bristol – I didn’t know anything about it at the time – I thought it was where nutty people went, but they came back and were able to take the full dose of chemotherapy. So I went down there to check out what they were doing, and I was very impressed.

‘The Bristol Approach helps patients tolerate more aggressive treatments which in turns prolongs their survival. What you can also certainly say is that it improves the quality of life of cancer

patients, helping them to cope better with the anxiety of having a life-threatening illness.’

There are some aspects of the Approach, however, that he doesn’t think appropriate for a hospital setting. While he recognises that diet can prevent cancer – the World Health Organisation says that poor diet accounts for 30 per cent of all cancers, he says that there is no evidence that diet can help once you have cancer.

‘I don’t know whether changing diet in an extreme way would affect the outcome of a cancer patient. I think it has more of a therapeutic and psychological affect,’ he says, admitting that if he were diagnosed with cancer tomorrow he would change his diet in accordance with advice at Bristol.

Despite the lack of evidence, diet is the most important aspect of the Bristol Approach. ‘We review all the latest research but it is only in the last few years that research has started looking at the link between diet on a patient already suffering from cancer,’ says Liz Butler, Head of Nutrition, adding that despite small amount of research there are still some certainties.

‘It is the one area where patients feel they can regain a sense of control and also an area where they feel they aren’t getting full advice from their medical team,’ she says.

She also points out that research has shown that cancer patients are often malnourished, and ‘people who are malnourished often do less well on treatment then people who are properly nourished. They don’t tolerate it as well and it is less effective.’

The Centre ensures that patients’ digestive systems are working properly as

a matter of priority as there is no point in eating well if your body is not digesting, says Butler

The Approach recommends whole, fresh foods, cutting out as much processed food as possible. Instead of five pieces of fruit and vegetables a day, they recommend eight, and, says Butler, all patients should try to take some of their fruit through juicing as the body absorbs them a lot more effectively.

‘On the first day of the course we give patients general nutritional advice, and on the second day we tailor make a plan for each individual, looking at how their cancer is affecting their digestive system, for instance,’ she reveals.

While patients have to pay for the Bristol courses, every place has been subsidised by the charity. Although one free place is offered per course, the charity never turns anyone away on cost. lHelpline number: 0845 123 2310 Monday

to Friday from 9.30am to 5pm.

The science of psycho-neuro-immunology (PNI), which shows how changes in our thoughts, emotions and beliefs can bring about changes in our physical health and well-being

Case Study: Janis DearWhen her doctor told 48-year-old Janis Dear from Tonbridge, Kent she needed a mastectomy after being diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002, she left the hospital shocked and angry, turning to alternative health practitioners for advice and a cure.

Yet after one alternative therapist revealed he could cure her, but had no effect on her tumour, she sought the advice of the Bristol Care Centre.

‘I realised I had not been informed at all, ‘ she says. After a long discussion with a medical doctor at the Centre, who outlined the research underpinning the effectiveness of chemotherapy and why it was essential for her cure, she returned to hospital and stared a course.

‘When I was first diagnosed I was categorically opposed to any form of medical treatment. I would probably have lost my life had I continued on that path. The lesson I learnt from the Centre is that medical treatments can work very well alongside complementary therapies.’

She admits that before the diagnosis she was a workaholic, only needing four hours sleep a night. Following the Bristol Approach, she now relaxes more often, has changed her diet and has created more time for herself.

She has taken up hobbies, including growing her own vegetables. ‘I now grow as much of the food I eat as I can so I can guarantee it is fresh and organic. At the moment, I’ve grown tomatoes, courgettes, asparagus, peas, carrots and potatoes.’

She has also taken up more exercise, and has recently returned from hiking in the Himalayas.

She believes that the changes she made to her life made her respond better to the treatment. After only six months of chemotherapy one of the tumours had disappeared and the other was just a trace.


HEALTH

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CELEBRITY


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Determination and self-belief earned Kelly Holmes two Olympic gold medals in Athens last year. She talks to William Little about how a strong mental attitude and focus were indispensable to her success on the track

S elf-belief comes as naturally to Kelly Holmes as breathing does to everyone else. She can’t

pinpoint why she has it in abundance, but she knows that it’s what makes all the difference between winning and losing.

Anyone who knows Holmes always comments on her self-confidence and gregarious nature. Add to that an in-built determination, and you have the answer to how an Olympic champion is created.

She wanted to win Olympic gold at the age of 14. It took her another 20 years to achieve her goal. Throughout that time she has suffered more than her fair share of injuries and set backs, but she hasn’t once wavered or pulled out. Think back to the World Championships in Athens in 1997 – Holmes had run faster than anyone else in the world

that year at 1500 metres and was clear favourite to win. Yet with only 200 metres of the race to go, her left calf went into spasm and ruptured her achilles tendon. With a determination that has marked her out, she limped home over the finish line half a lap behind every one else and burst into tears. Her dream over.

‘It was an enormous blow,’ she says. ‘I was so fit and ready.’ But she put her loss into perspective quickly: ‘I knew that if I was injury free I could do it.’ Over the next few years, every set back was put

behind her and she focused on what she wanted. ‘I had a long-term dream and a very clear goal. It was very powerful. I never wanted to give up on it,’ she says, adding: ‘if you don’t have those goals and the self-belief you won’t achieve.’

While her success was based on hard training, she often didn’t always know whether her body was being pushed too much. ‘You have to push your body to the limit to be successful and there is a fine line over which you can push yourself too much. But you can’t worry about that because there are others who also want to be successful.’ Injury, it seems, was

the risk of working so hard. There have been other elements in

her life that have given her the right attitude to succeed. She says that being a physical fitness instructor in the army gave her confidence in her physical strength to succeed in the long term. Although self-motivation has never been a big issue for

her. She loves what she does. Seb Coe, that other successful Olympic runner, remembers watching her as a young athlete in the early 90s and seeing how she just loved to race. ‘A lot of athletes are happy just to run good times and go through the motions. Kelly is not like that. She doesn’t need pacemakers to follow, she knows how to think her way through the rounds of an Olympic competition,’ he says. On top of her love for what she does, she says she is very single minded. She admits that she missed out on a lot by focusing so

much on her Olympic dream. She says, now over a year after her win, that she is making up for it. ‘My dream became my lifestyle. I knew some who didn’t make it their life and they didn’t achieve. I had to make sacrifices to achieve the top and in that I haven’t missed out.’

Holmes is speaking to me only a few days after the public announcement of her retirement. She already has plans in place for the future, however. Plans she made before the Olympics last year – just in case, she says, she didn’t win. Although this might be seen as a chink in the armour of her self-belief, it clearly made no difference. The plan she refers to is On Camp with Kelly, set up early last year with the aim of finding 13 female junior athletes and helping them develop into future Olympic champions. The scheme continues today with Holmes mentoring the girls, advising them on training, injuries, self-belief and determination.

‘I believe that if they put in the work, then 80 per cent of what they achieve will come from self-belief. There are girls who have the ability but don’t have the confidence. If they believed in themselves more they would go further, but they’re in danger of going down hill.’

Her advice to those who want to achieve is that you should: ‘Always give 100 per cent to your goals, at least then if it doesn’t work you will have tried. I’d rather given 100 per cent and fail, than give only 10 per cent and not try,’ she says. In essence, don’t be afraid to fail. Holmes didn’t and look where it got her. ò

KellyHolmes

I had a long-term dream and a very clear goal

CELEBRITY


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Lots of teenagers come to me thinking they’re broken and expecting me to try and fix them. That’s not what it’s about. My job is to win trust through patience and conversation

COACHING


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FamilytiesSarah Newton, the UK’s leading teen coach, has just finished filming a new TV series – My Teen’s a Nightmare – I’m Moving Out. She tells Doug Costain how helping teenagers with behavourial problems is more commonsense than miracle cure

The thing about commonsense is that it’s not very common. Well now I know why. Sarah Newton’s been

using more than her fair share.Sarah is a straight-talking northern

Teen Coach whose show, ‘My Teen’s a Nightmare – I’m Moving Out,’ is running on ITV2. The show deals with some seriously dispossessed teenagers and their wall-climbing parents, and aims to create happier homes.

So what makes Sarah think she can do it? She started work as a Metropolitan police officer and for five-years she worked with young offenders. Then one 15-year old boy she’d dealt with for two years and arrested more than 30 times committed suicide. ‘His dad was in prison, his mother was a prostitute, and his self-esteem was at rock bottom. He thought he was nothing – but actually I thought he was really switched on,’ says Sarah. At this point she decided to ‘throw away the manual’ when dealing with young offenders and instead to start employing her own commonsense.

Her dad had said, ‘everyone has a gift – the trick is to find it,’ so she decided to look. ‘I helped them work through issues and build a positive sense of self, instead of allowing a nihilistic attitude to fester.’ This seemed to work. ‘There were kids on crack who not only kicked the habit but started taking sessions with other crack addicts to help them kick the stuff.’ With a rueful chuckle she adds ‘often criminals are great business men. If someone had helped them channel their abilities positively then perhaps they’d have set up a legitimate business instead of flogging hocked CDs.’

She felt she was starting to make a difference, ‘but it was hard to quantify how or why the approach was working. It just was. The police bosses weren’t happy because boxes weren’t getting ticked, so they told me to go back to the approved methods.’ Instead Sarah took time off and watched a lot of Oprah. That was seven years ago and she hasn’t looked back since.

On one of the shows a life coach called Sheryl Richardson inspired her to get out and start a business using the approaches she believed in. Now Sarah is established as an expert Teen Coach.

Trust is the key to any relationship and as an ex-police officer Sarah reckons a lot more people are willing to put their faith in her. ‘Some parents get in touch because they’ve just found cannabis in their teenagers rucksack and panicked – or perhaps their teenager just doesn’t know what they want to be or do with their life.’

So as a Teen Coach you’re trying to fix teenagers? ‘No not fix them. That’s absolutely not it. Lots of teenagers come to me thinking they’re broken and expecting me to try and fix them. That’s not what it’s about. My job is to win trust through patience and conversation, to gradually build up their self-esteem and to start to affirm the good things about them. Trust is crucial. But often at the start the kids are pretty obstinately opposed to the whole process.’

Now Sarah has put her commonsense approach to the ultimate test – TV. In a designed-for-TV methodology ‘parents

pack their bags and move out while their teenagers are still asleep leaving a recorded VHS message explaining why they’ve left home. It’s a bit of a shock to the teenager. Then there’s a knock on the door from me.’

Leah and Toni Crookes from Sheffield were certainly surprised. ‘When I first got there they wouldn’t even open the door. Then they didn’t want to talk to me. One of the incredible things in this family was that verbal communication had broken down to such a level that the girls mostly communicated with their parents by letter.’

So how did Sarah turn the house around? She usually deals in six or 12 hour long sessions. ‘My approach is definitely not a miracle cure and I don’t do sticky plasters.’ So by contrast is it major surgery and rehab? ‘A proper sustained change will take 18 months of hard labour,’ replies Sarah, ‘and it’s different doing stuff for telly. Ordinarily I work with teenagers in pretty quiet environments. This was four days and nights in the same house with some serious intensive care. But – I love a challenge… and I have to say, making the TV series is the best training course I’ve ever done!’

Sarah was particularly interested in the ‘similarities between the eight families. The link between nutrition, health, environment, stimulation and difficult behavioural tendencies. For example every house had a huge TV – some were like cinema screens.”

The three principle pillars of Sarah’s

Picture:The Crooke familyand Sarah Newton

COACHING

rapport: January 2006 35

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RNew P36 v1.indd 1 12/30/05 11:26:39 PM

approach are that a child must be: respected, listened to, and understood. ‘It’s vital that a teenager feels that they’re a proper valuable human being.’ Leah, 14, and Toni, 12, ‘were screaming out for affection and a relationship with their parents that didn’t just involve screaming and shouting.’

Sarah started by confronting Leah and Toni with video clips of their behaviour that had been recorded over the previous fortnight. At first the girls giggled and ganged together but by the end of the session their laughter was more embarrassed and defensive than amused. From there Sarah built trust through asking questions, offering the teenagers respect even when it wasn’t returned, and by developing agreements with them.

Eventually Sarah asked them to write long letters to their parents explaining how they felt. Toni’s said: ‘When I tell you that I love you you just laugh and ask what I want and that really hurts.’ Leah’s said: ‘I know I don’t seem bothered, but I really do care. All this family ever does is fight about everything so why should I bother.’

At a local hotel Sarah confronts Wendy and Gary with a video tape of their own behaviour. Wendy constantly bickers with the girls and wields no authority with them. When she asks Gary for help he doesn’t back her up. There’s no sense of team.

The girls’ letters are brought out. Wendy says: ‘At the end of the day it’s

just paper. Anybody can write that.’ But Gary challenges her: ‘No, it’s what’s going through her head.’ ‘I dunno. I prefer to hear it than read it.’ Wendy is feeling uncomfortable and her response is defensive. Eventually Gary says: ‘We do love ‘em, but we never say it. So everything [they’re] doing [they’re] getting off us anyway.’ ‘Could you write back to them,’ asked Sarah. ‘Write yeah, ha ha. Write. Not tell them.’ ‘Why?’ ‘I don’t know.’

At last parents and teenagers are reunited. There are no hugs and kisses. Gary says: ‘Is that it then? Just hello?’ ‘Yeah,’ says Toni. ‘Alright,’ he says, and walks out. Wendy stays and tries to make contact but can’t bring herself to do anything more than stand by the wall.

Sarah tries to push communication open. But no-one speaks. Everyone stands or sits or leaves and looks uncomfortable. Wendy finally gives up and goes downstairs. Sarah tries to remind her that she’s an adult and that the girls are just 12 and 14. ‘You’ve got to reach out. You’ve got to make the move.’

The parents had expected a miracle cure, and they haven’t got one. But after the initial disappointment they try again. They write a family behaviour contract with Sarah to agree acceptable behaviour. ‘The pattern is no communication – we have to break that.’ Everyone agrees to accept they had a role in making the pattern. Everyone agrees to take part in breaking it.

Next day when Leah and Toni get home from school Gary is trying. ‘Do you want a barbecue?’ he asks. ‘Yeah,’ say the girls. ‘Good grief, I wasn’t expecting that,’ says Gary, under his breath. Under Sarah’s prompting he finds out how their day was at school. The barbecue is a success and Sarah is impressed.

A month on the family seems utterly transformed. Shouting has been replaced with laughter, and pushing and shoving by hugs. Wendy says: ‘I’ve told them I love them a lot more.’ Gary says: ‘they find it easier to talk to her because she doesn’t fly off the handle.’

At the end of the show Wendy is looking to the future. She says: ‘you never know, they might be little angels this time next year.’ Her expression suggests she won’t be holding her breath. But at least she’s smiling. lwww.sarahnewton.com

Sarah Newton’s Top TipsDon’t play them at their own gameYour teenager wants attention. They probably enjoy the power struggle. Stay calm and they’ll have nothing to react to. Don’t lower yourself – remember you’re the adult.It’s not them it’s their behaviour Communicate with them from a place of ‘I love you, but I do not like it when you do this.’

Change the why to howTeens are often defensive and ready for battle. Instead of asking ‘Why did you do this,’ ask questions like: ‘I want to understand this, can you tell me how doing that made you feel?’

Zip your lipsListen with your mouth shut and don’t assume you know all the answers. Try walking round in their shoes for a while.

Stop trying to be rightAsk yourself whether it’s more important to show love and understanding or to be right. Teach respect to receive respectTo give respect, your teenager needs to understand what it feels like to receive respect. Tell your teen what you respect about them.

COACHING



HYPNOTHERAPY


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Hypnotherapists can help people suffering from stress. Rapport looks at what happened when overworked client Clare Davies sought help from hypnotherapist Anne Lee

A nne Lee has over 20 years experience as a hypnotherapist and psychotherapist. She

combines these with numerology to gain insight into her clients. Claire Davies admits that she has never needed any help before, often being a pillar of strength for other people. She didn’t believe in hypnotherapy, until work stress became too much and she broke down. They met at the Hale Clinic in London.

Claire says: I went to see Anne because one day the pressure I was under became too much and I couldn’t stop crying. My line manager had left and a team of two was now doing a team of three’s work. My normal coping strategy would be to talk to friends and family. I was a sceptic about counselling. I could sort out my own problems. However lots of my friends were having problems – one was having an affair and another was under the treat of losing her job. They would come to me with their troubles. I didn’t feel I could tell them that I was also having a bad time.

Anne says: Before I see a client, Claire included, I talk to them on the phone. I ask them their date of birth and use numerology to get an idea of what they are like. I was taught it by my father and him by his father. It has always worked.

In the first session, I would take her history and listen to her problems. It was quite clear that Claire at the end of last year was very upset and suffering from panic attacks. Her doctor had given her antidepressants. However

I believe that they don’t stop the fear – the fear that you are out of control, which is quite common with stress and anxiety.

During the counselling, I try to rationalise my clients’ thoughts and give them back control. I allowed Claire in particular to explore her feelings. Stress can build up very slowly and it can affect strong coping types, like Claire, who have been used to being able to cope with anything. They take on more and more, until it is all too much.

Claire says: I started to worry when I stopped being able to sleep. I couldn’t sleep at all. This made me anxious and I would cry and break down at work. I was worried that I wasn’t able to do my job properly. I wasn’t able to say no to the extra work.

I was never actually pulled up for not doing my job. I was still functioning, but it felt that I wasn’t. Without sleep, I would be less competent at my job and consequently I lost confidence. This made me worry even more and made my sleeping problem worse.

I’m single and I was 40 this year, but I still got my mum to stay with me for a week. At the same time I visited my doctor who gave me antidepressants. He told me I had stress and anxiety.

I also socialise a lot. I’m dreadful. I play netball and see friends and family. I wasn’t prioritising my time or having time to myself. I was responsible for creating my stress. My friends would ask me to come and do this and that. I was worried about missing out, but I

was so tired I also dreaded going out. I just never said no. Anne helped me with this.

Anne says: It wasn’t just the work that brought on the stress. But that was a big part of it. Claire is a nice lady and a very willing and likeable sort of person who everyone else will come to with their problems. She will sort everyone else out but she’ll be hard on herself. She was not caring enough about herself and not listening to her vulnerable side.

With anxiety and panic attacks, you get into a pattern of fear. It can get worse because you start being in fear of the fear, hoping and worrying that it won’t happen again – such as a panic attack or not being able to sleep through worry. Stress causes acute anxiety that leads to sleepless nights. I would listen and explain the nature of anxiety and panic attacks and explain that what is happening is a natural phenomenon. Hormones build up, such as adrenaline, the same way that they do in the ‘fight or flight’ syndrome. It can make a person feel out of control. Claire was very concerned about her inability to sleep.

Claire says: A friend had been depressed and went to see a counsellor who had helped her. I couldn’t stop crying. I really needed to see somebody. Even before I’d seen Anne I felt better because I’d started helping myself – it was the first step to getting my life back under control. I was a huge sceptic about hypnotherapy. It worked for people who wanted it to work. I thought it would never have an impact on me. I didn’t u

Me and my hypnotherapist

Picture: Anne Lee and model

HYPNOTHERAPY



The hypnotherapy had a big impact. It was the first step for me to take control

really appreciate it. I was really going to see her for counselling. In the first session we talked for about 40 minutes and then Anne used the last 20 to 30 minutes for hypnotherapy. It made me feel very relaxed. This is different to how I imagined it. I’d only seen hypnotherapy on TV where people were made to eat onions. Anne put me into a trance, but I didn’t feel I was completely under. I went to a different level of relaxation. I felt calm for a long time afterwards. She gave me something else to focus on. She worked on my breathing techniques and positive imagery to help me relax. She also made me a tape, which I would listen to if I was still having trouble sleeping.

Anne says: I talked about simple things with her. I did quite a lot of analysis. She had a nice family, so that wasn’t the problem. She didn’t like

conflict – she’d like to keep everyone happy and that can lead to a lot of inner pressure. She is quite sporty, which is a good thing. Exercise can be useful for helping to get rid of the tension in the body. Often in these situations, a person needs support – someone to talk to. She also needed to learn to delegate and say no, which she hadn’t done before.

Before I use hypnotherapy on anyone, I explain it completely. I explain that it is very natural and we go into altered states many times throughout the day, such as when we are driving our minds might wander off. I tell them that I won’t have any power over them. I won’t be making them do silly things. I will encourage them to accept positive suggestions that will help them. I ensure they are comfortable and relaxed.

I don’t use a sofa. I have an upright chair with a foot stall. I cover their feet with a rug as the temperature of the body falls when it goes in a more relaxed state. I dim the lights and close the curtains. I use a direct form of hypnosis. I suggest that they close their eyes and visualise themselves breathing. It is very important to let go of their stress on the out breath.

I suggest to them that their stress is a natural reaction. I tell them that

they will feel positive about the situations and people who have upset them in the past, feeling in

control. They will feel safe, secure and in control. Being realistic

about the situation, nothing awful is going to happen to them.

Claire says: The hypnotherapy had a big impact. It was an important step for me to take control. At first my sleeping patterns still varied. I’d be calm and I wasn’t worrying as much. But if I had a particularly

stressful day all those negative feeling would come back and I’d get into a panic. Then I’d play Anne’s tape.

Anne says: I helped Claire to sleep in various ways. I put my finger on her forehead and got her to look up. This feels like your eyes are sticking and it helps a person to go into an altered state. I can suggest their eyes are feeling drowsy and that it is far too much bother to get up. I also suggest that when they go to bed they float and drift to a special place where they feel safe and comfortable. This could be a beach or a walk in the wood. This removes their worry about getting to sleep. All they have to think about is this special place. I will then use NLP techniques to intensify the colours and warmth of their body in the image so that it has deep impact.

Claire says: I still have hypnotherapy. It is very powerful. I use it now as a treat to myself to chill out and relax, similar to the way you’d have a massage. I feel I am managing my stress fine now. I am also enjoying the challenge again.

Hypnotherapy has a huge impact. If I’d seen a counsellor who just used pure psychotherapy I would only have seen them a couple of times. I’d worked a lot of it out myself. But the hypnotherapy really helped me to look at my life and at myself. The whole relaxation element of it speeded up my recovery. I would recommend it to others totally. Anne says: Claire reacted very well to the hypnotherapy. I would say that she now has a different mental attitude. She didn’t know what was happening before. She is a bright and intelligent lady and she knows now she has the upper hand. Now she is more assertive. She looks brighter and happier. She is sleeping well and doesn’t worry any more about being under the same kind of pressure. l

Contact details:The hypnotherapy Association:

www.thehypnotherapyassociaton.co.uk

The Hale Clinic: www.haleclinic.com

Anne can be contacted on: 01483 283592

HYPNOTHERAPY


Picture: Anne Lee


Founder of the NLP Academy, Michael Carroll reveals how beliefs can impact on our personal development

Human beings shape their reality by forming mental ‘maps’ by absorbing masses of information from the outside world through our five senses. During this process we delete, from conscious awareness, large portions of what is being absorbed through the senses.

Next we form our first mental map; in NLP we call this First Access (FA). First Access is the images, sounds, sensations, tastes and smells of the mind/body. We have deleted so much information during the ‘mapping’ process; at best, this is a snapshot of what is available to us.

Deeply held beliefs impact this mapping process. The anorexic, despite being only six stone, may see a fat person in the mirror. Beliefs are firmly rooted and any NLP intervention has to work at the ‘mapping’ and FA level.

The next mapping process is where we turn our sensory-based maps into linguistic representations. Beliefs, past experiences and natural language structures form some of the filters at this stage. This is your interpretation of what you are seeing, hearing, tasting and smelling in the moment, as well as past experiences that you reconstruct in your mind.

Natural language is not rich enough to describe or code sensory experience, and natural language in that sense makes fools of us all, especially when we attribute truth to our interpretations. Here is an example of the illusions we create in forming our mental maps. A person going for a job believes they aren’t good enough, despite having all the necessary qualifications and experience. The candidate interprets a smile from the interviewer as him sneering at a ‘stupid’ answer. The result is the interviewee feels very uncomfortable. However. the interviewer has a belief that if you smile at people

during an interview they will feel comfortable and give honest answers. The more nervous the interviewee is becoming the more the interviewer smiles thinking he will make the other person feel more comfortable.

In order to challenge negative and positive beliefs we have to step into different realities. You can do this process easily at home. It’s best if you physically locate different spaces on the floor for this process. Identify the belief you would like to challenge.From an impartial position observe yourself in action behaving as you do when you believe the belief. As you see and hear yourself in front of you, act as if you are an observer. You see the person called (your name) in front of you, believing what he/she believes and running the associated behaviours. In NLP we call this third position. You are an observer of yourself.

Step into the space where you located the belief and experience yourself believing it. Feel the feelings you feel, hear your internal voice and see the imagery of other people and objects present in the context of your belief. In NLP we call this first position; you are in your own direct experience in a specific context. Step back to the observer position and describe either out loud or in your head: What does this belief do for him/her (your name?). What would happen if he/she no longer believed this?Step back into space where you believe X, and ask yourself ‘am I prepared to give up the benefits of the belief ?’

a) Go back to the observers’ position and ask is there any time in (your name) experiences when he/she does not

believe the belief. If there is, visualise yourself in this context in a different space on the floor.or

b) If you in the observer position cannot identify contexts when he/she (your name) does not believe the belief, think of someone who in the same context does not believe the belief and build an image of that person in front of you behaving as they do.

Having built a representation of 6a or 6b step into the image you created in 6a or 6b. Notice how you are standing, notice your breathing, and notice what you say to yourself (if anything) and how you say it. Notice your internal images. Visualise how other people will respond to you. Get a sense that the behaviour you are experiencing in this position is another choice for you.• Step back to the observer position

and watch yourself performing, with the associations, physiology and other behaviours demonstrated in step 7 in the context of where you have the belief you are challenging.

• Step back into the original space located in step 3 and experience the physiology and behaviour changes.

So what you have now is three or four different perceptions with different states attached. What did you notice about the differences in each position to your physiology, your internal dialogue, your internal imagery?

The different positions may have value at any given time in your life. The purpose of this process is not necessarily to change beliefs, although the belief you started with can change. The purpose is to challenge the consistency and value of a so-called belief. lwww.nlpacademy.co.uk

Illusions&beliefs


COLUMN

RNew_P41_Column_v3.indd 1 12/30/05 10:30:19 PM

Excitingtitles

toinspire

you

ComeandmeettheRapportTeam

ThePersonalDevelopment ExpoExcel Centre28 – 29 January 2006

Stand D24www.personaldevelopmentexpo.com

The Vitality ShowThe Grand Hall, Olympia30 March – 2 April 2006

Stand G4www.thevitalityshow.co.uk

Visit

RNew P42 v1.indd 1 12/30/05 11:23:01 PM

Networking is a word many people dread. The thought of starting and then maintaining conversation with a bunch of strangers can be unnerving and painful. But Walker makes it a point of her new book ‘Be the Life & Soul of the Party’ of ensuring that learning how to be at ease in social situations is not just about confi dence and self-belief but about being true to what you really want. The ‘soul’ she says, ‘is often the key point that people ignore’. Who is being more true to themselves, she asks, the inebriated extrovert can-canning on the table, or the person who ‘says and does what they fi nd to be true about life

in a way to which everyone can relate’? On top of all the practical steps to better socialising, such as transforming limiting beliefs into positives, the art of hovering and butting in, watching for conversational tags, and storytelling, she underpins it all with a clear outcome – know what you want. Following a section about learning to talk by focusing on other people’s interests, she warns ‘have fun with this but be careful’. Indeed. You may fi nd the girl or boy from accounts very attractive, for instance, but talking to them about their interest – money – for too long might lead to a nervous breakdown! •

Be the Life & Soul of the Party – Socialising for SuccessClare Walker £9.99, Crown House Publishing

Once you’ve got a certain amount of experience under your belt, you’ll probably want to set up in business. Management consultants are experts at managing other people and organisations, but rarely have the time to look inwards to check that they are working in the most effective way. The title of Harris’s book ‘Consult Yourself ’ sums up her approach, working out clearly how to get started

and, more importantly, how to do the job. She fi lls her book with anecdotes, making everything real and practical. Underpinning her approach are NLP techniques that provide the necessary skills and techniques to run a successful management consultancy business. She highlights what rates to charge and how to drum up business, keeping new businesses focused and creative at the same time. •

Consult yourself – The NLP Guide to Being a Management ConsultantCarol Harris £16.99, Crown House Publishing

rapportbookreviewThe fi rst thing that Ready and Burton admit to in their new For Dummies book is that confi dence is hard to defi ne. Is it about looking good or sounding important? One thing is for certain, you probably have more of it than you think. This is the positive start that anyone who wants to be more confi dent about their appearance or at presenting to an audience, wants to hear.The opening chapter deals with the essential task of assessing your confi dence and reminding us that

an integral part of what defi nes a confi dent person is not worrying about knowing all the answers. So we’re not superhuman, yeah, well, so what, just stop worrying about it. But confi dence is also not about sitting on your laurels and letting the world pass by in a haze of anxiety. Mental and physical confi dence are worked on in equal measure with practical exercises. Thankfully, the last thing you’ll feel like at the end of this excellent book is a dummy. •

Building Confi dence for DummiesRomilla Ready and Kate Burton £14.99, Wiley Publishing

transforming limiting beliefs into positives, the art of

BOOK REVIEWS


RNew_P43_Book_Reviews_v3.indd 3 12/30/05 10:48:47 PM

stressgremlinsStress manager Ann McCracken has recently pooled all her experience into writing a fun and lively book about coping with stress. She talks to William Little about her stress gremlins

I t often seems that empathy is best attained through experience. It is no surprise, therefore, that some of

the most successful stress coaches have often lived through a difficult period not far removed from what some of their stressed-out clients have endured. Ann McCracken, director of AMC Mentoring and author of The Stress Gremlins, is one such stress manager who has turned the ordeal of working 80 hours a week into a successful business and now book.

Trained as a micro-biologist, McCracken moved into teaching after a career in research where she found herself spending most of her time looking after the students’ welfare.

‘As a head of year and then head of sixth form, all the problems end up on your desk. You create the policies for how kids are managed at a social level. You have to sort out parents of the children who aren’t coming into school or get in touch with parents of the children who are being bullied,’ she says.

On top of that she had to read and comment on every child’s school report in the year. She was also head of

biology and then started teaching A levels. The fact that she was notching up 80 hours a week working and her life outside school had disappeared is not surprising. Her remarkable achievement was that while she was exhausted she managed to take steps to change her life for the better before she completely burnt out.

‘I knew that I wanted to work for people. I saw an advert to train as a stress manager. It was appealing because I would be training in a whole new area, where I’d learn about the physiology of stress, strategies for relaxation and NLP,’ she remembers. She attended courses one weekend every month for a year, and after she qualified, she handed in her notice and went freelance.

‘I hit the ground running with four clients. That was in January, by March I didn’t have any clients because they had got better. I hadn’t worked out that I needed to market my business,’ she says.

Then her practice went from strength to strength as she sent up a network of 30 stress managers, as well

as her own company that worked with businesses to enable their staff to handle stress in a much better way.

For McCracken, stress has to be understood correctly and in a whole body way. ‘Often people confuse stress with pressure. They think stress is the same as being motivated by pressure. A little bit is good for everyone, because it enthuses us. Whereas stress is about not coping – it can make the mind and body not feel good.’

Underpinning her book Stress Gremlins is this understanding that you need a holistic approach to stress management. Her microbiology background helped her to understand the link between rising levels of the hormone cortisol – triggered by stress – and its impact on the immune system.

‘An increase in cortisol will cut levels of serotonin, the feel good hormone, which can led to depression,’ she says. And low mood, of course, reduces your ability to cope and perform.

Combined with this was her analysis of the way stress managers presented their information. ‘I found that a lot of stress managers awareness felt very u

Picture:AnnMcCracken


AUTHOR INTERVIEW



AUTHOR INTERVIEW


stodgy, grey and uninteresting, but it is a very exciting subject that affects the core of our body. They were using unemotional and bland terms when people who experience stress don’t feel bland or unemotional,’ she says.

The answer was the creation of The Stress Gremlins, a fun and definitely not bland way to explain how stress affects different part of the body. For instance, in chapter two, McCracken encourages awareness of ourselves by getting the reader to draw ‘gremlins’ on a diagram of the body, indicating where stress is affecting us.

‘We all have stress gremlins buzzing around our bodies being either chilled out or eating up emotions,’ she says.

In her experience ‘most people have a diagnostic system – a part of the body that always goes wrong when you are under pressure. This is an indication that one of your systems is less effective than the others and this where the

health problems appear. Examples could include: asthma, skins problems such as eczema, psoriasis or dermatitis, high blood pressure, and digestive problems like IBS or Colitis.

She gives an example of a woman who developed a severe headache and twitching eyes because she was asked to perform a presentation. McCracken offered clear advice about visualising herself doing the presentation, while recognising that she knew more about the subject than anyone else. McCracken says: ‘The presentation went well and she was commended for her fluency and progress with the project.’

This is backed up throughout the rest of the book with plans to manage behaviour such as anger or irritability and build confidence, the lack of which can lead to anxiety in some instances. Overall, her approach is underpinned by NLP, and the book includes sections on countering self-limiting beliefs and

controlling positive and negative states, for instance.

In her day-to-day business, McCraken reveals that often the biggest impact on people is just talking to a coach. ‘They are so relieved that someone is listening to them and valuing the fact that they don’t feel ok.’

She says that when people talk through problems they can often come up with their own solutions. But mapping their behaviour is important for them to recognise clearly where the stress triggers in their life can be found.

McCracken believes that stress is on the increase because we try to do too much and because we don’t have the same support structures as before. Communities are less integrated and families move apart. There is no denying that we have always suffered from stress, but that expectations today are so much higher.

Managing high expectations can be the difference between stress and success. And keeping The Stress Gremlins at bay need not be an ordeal, but a fun experience on the road to a balanced life. lwww.amc-mentoring.co.uk

I hit the ground running with four clients. That was in January, by March I didn’t have any clients because they had got better


AUTHOR INTERVIEW


rapportnetworkingcontact


England – North

Cheshire, Ellesmere PortNancy MossTel: 077 8900 [email protected].

nhs.uk

Lancaster Practise GroupDave AllawayTel: 079 8401 [email protected]

Lancs – Nr ClitheroeFran BurgessTel: 01254 824 [email protected]

Manchester NLP GroupGary PlunkettTel: 0870 7 [email protected]

North Yorks – HarrogateElizabeth M PritchardTel: 01326 212 [email protected]

North Yorks – MiddleboroughLisa WakeTel: 016242 310 [email protected]

NewcastleHarry KnoxTel: 0191 2232 216

North Cumbria – CarlislePaul Smith & Anne Munro-KuaTel: 01228 712 [email protected]@annemunro-kua.com

North West & North Wales (Chester)Gary PlunkettTel: 0870 7 570 [email protected]@aol.com

North West Business and EmotionalIntelligence Group – Manchester

Andy SmithTel: 01457 854 [email protected]

www.manchesternlp.co.uk

YorkSusanna Bellini & Dirk BanschTel: 01904 636 216

[email protected]

England – South

BedfordshireMelody ChealTel: 01767 640 [email protected]

www.gwitztraining.com

Berks – ReadingAnne-Marie HelliwellTel: 01189 835 202Mobile: 077 7 815 0 [email protected]

www.cmcg-nlp.com

Bucks NLP & CoachingAlison MatthewsTel: 0797 624 [email protected]

Herts – St.AlbansMick McEvoyTel: 020 8387 [email protected]

www.new-oceans.co.uk

London – HampsteadNajma ZamanTel: 020 8926 [email protected]

London – RichmondHenrietta LaittTel: 020 8874 8203Mob: 0788 8061 [email protected]

London – CentralAdrian Hope-LewisTel: 079 7063 9552postmaster@nlpgroup.freeserve.co.ukwww.nlpgroup.freeserve.co.uk

London – Central Business

Mark UnderwoodTel: 020 7249 7472Mob: 079 4493 [email protected]

London – Central RelationshipsBalbir ChaggerTel: 020 7291 4562Mob: 079 4493 1437www.harleyrelationshipcentre.

com

London – StratfordSharon EdenTel: 020 8597 [email protected]

London NLP & Hypnosis Practise GroupPhillip HoltTel: 0845 1306 [email protected]

www.nlp-london.com

North London NLPTom [email protected]

www.northlondonnlp.co.uk

Milton KeynesMicheal BealeTel: 01908 506 [email protected]

Surrey – CroydonRussell PottsTel: 020 8686 [email protected]

Sussex – Brighton Association of NLP PractitionersTerry ElstonTel: 0800 074 6 425www.nlpworld.co.uk

www.nlp-brighton-assoc.org

Sussex – Brighton/HoveJan JacksonTel: 01273 540 260

Sussex – ChichesterJohn Cassidy-RiceTel: 01243 792 [email protected]

www.evolutiontraining.co.uk

Sussex – [email protected]

England – East

CambridgeshirePhil JonesTel: 077 1171 [email protected]

Essex – Julian CampbellTel: 0870 7461 257nlp@lifechangingtherapies.

co.uk

Essex – IllfordGlenda YearwoodTel: 020 8708 3876Glenda.yearwood@redbridge.

gov.uk

Essex – SouthendPauline OliverTel: 01702 203 [email protected]

England – West

Avon – BathPhilippe RoyTel: 01225 404 [email protected]

Avon – BristolDave [email protected]

Cornwall – Truro/FalmouthElizabeth M PritchardTel: 01326 212 959

[email protected]

Devon – South West (Totnes) Nlp Support GroupAlice Llewellyn & Anna Scott-HeywardTel: 01803 866 706 // 01803 323 885

Devon – TorquayChris WilliamsTel: 078 1354 9073

Devon & Cornwall NLP Practise GroupNick EvansTel: 0870 3501 980

[email protected]

www.nlip-southwest.co.uk

Hants – NLP SouthNigel HeathTel: 01794 390 [email protected]

Hants – SouthamptonAndy AustinTel: 01489 580 087andrewaustin@23nlpeople.

com

England–Midlands

E Midlands NLP GroupsWilliam WoodTel: 01332 347 141 x 2556william@oakwood-derby.

freeserve.co.uk

Midlands – BirminghamMandy WardTel: 0121 3862 854Mob: 077 4007 [email protected]

Nationwide – Yes GroupTom MackayTeL: 020 7150 [email protected]

N’hants – NorthamptonRon SheffieldTel: 01604 812 [email protected]/

northampton

OxfordPat Hutchinson & David MoldenTel: 01993 778 527www.quadrant1.com

W Midlands – WorcesterSharon Rooke & David SmallwoodTel: 01905 352 [email protected]@centralnlp.co.uk

www.SCRassociates.com

Warks – RugbyRalph WatsonTel: 01788 576 626ralph@dynamic-

communication.co.ukwww.dynamic-communication.co.uk

Scotland

AberdeenChristine BurgessTel: 01224 857 [email protected]

Edinburgh centre of excellence practice groupMicheal SpenceTel: 0131 6647 854

Edinburgh NLP Practise GroupPatrick Wheatley & Sheena WheatleyTel: 077 6524 4030 // 0131 6644 [email protected] // changingperceptions@

blueyonder.co.uk

GlasgowMina McGuiganTel: 01236 610 [email protected]

Glasgow - NLP in EducationJeff GoodwinTel: 0795 1603 [email protected]

Inverness (Highlands of Scotland)Rosie O’HaraTel: 01309 676 [email protected]

Wales

North West & North Walers (Chester)Gary PlunkettTel: 0870 757 [email protected]

[email protected]

Shropshire & Mid Wales Practice GroupNick GeerTel: 01743 361 [email protected]

Regional Groups meet regularly and give you the chance to share experiences with like minded individuals and fellow professionals. They also offer you the opportunity to further your knowledge and add to your Continual Professional Development (CPD) through informed lectures and workshops.

For further information on the Regional Groups listed, please log on to our website, www.anlp.org

If you would like to add your Regional Group to this list or change existing details, please contact Nicole on 0870 44 0790 or email [email protected]

RNew_P47_NetworkContact_v3.indd 3 12/30/05 11:03:09 PM

If you think you can, you can and if you think you can’t, you’re right!

To find out how you can achieve your personal and professional goals subscribe to Rapport Personal Development Magazine, the magazine that offers practical advice that works!

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Annual Subscription: UK £35, Rest of the World £45 (One Years subscription – 4 Issues)

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RNew_P48_RapportInHouse_v3.indd 1 12/30/05 10:49:29 PM

Clinical Director of The Optimum Health Clinic in Harley Street, Alex Howard, talks about the structure of anxiety in the context of NLP and Hypnotherapy

More than nine million people will suffer with ‘abnormal’ anxiety at some point in their

lives, with symptoms ranging from sporadic periods of stress and discomfort, to people being totally incapacitated and unable to function in the world. The difference between fear, anxiety and phobias is that fear is something that is rational (such as fearing loud noises, which historically would have been a sign of danger), phobias are an intense anxiety about a specific thing (such as spiders, snakes or flying), and anxiety is something that is generally speaking irrational. This article will focus on anxiety (phobias are something which there is already a great deal of NLP literature about). Because anxiety is by definition irrational, traditional treatment of anxiety can at times be very limiting – treating anxiety with the rational and logical conscious mind can simply feed the anxiety further, often the more rational we try to become about it, the more irrational it can become.

At the clinic we believe that the first step to people changing their anxiety patterns is for them to become consciously aware of what they are doing. This is different to

phobias where due to the ‘simple’ structure of them (i.e. with a specific origin) change can often happen without much awareness from the patient. Having people become aware of their anxiety patterns can take some perseverance. If you think about the body as having all kinds of homeostatic balances, such as blood sugar, blood pressure and so on, if these levels go out by even a small amount, physical survival is put in jeopardy, and our body will do all it can to put these variables back into balance. The problem is that if they spend too much time out of balance, the body starts to shift the homeostasis, believing that what is actually out of balance is actually normal. Therefore, when it comes to anxiety, peoples’ nervous systems actually shift the balance, and people can be living in a state of anxiety, much of which is unconscious, and although be aware of the feeling of anxiety, have no real awareness of the actual mental patterns they are running or how damaging there are to their body.

Just as NLP teaches us to model excellence, at the clinic we believe that anxiety (as do all issues presented clinically such as depression, low self-esteem, panic attacks etc) has its own unique structure

which can be modelled. Once we as the clinician have understood this, we feedback to the patient how they are actually doing their anxiety, which for them is often a very empowering and insightful reframe. The key here is that we are not attempting to rationalise the anxiety or try and logically placate their anxieties (this only leads to a short term respite), we are helping them to understand which thoughts are anxiety thoughts, and which aren’t. Learning to see anxiety for what it really is can often help a great deal, as rather than trying to fight their anxieties and changing things in the external world, the patient realises that they need to change their patterns of thinking.

Like any form of excellence, the unconscious has learnt to do it habitually, and therefore the next step is to work with the patient to help them train their unconscious mind to stop running the anxiety patterns. A key step in doing this is to teach the patient how to relax and calm down their system, for which techniques such as self-hypnosis and anchoring are a great way of doing so. However, we have found that such techniques alone, without breaking the specific patterns that are running, are only a short-term solution, as the root is the thought patterns which are causing the system to be out of balance in the first place. Just like a weed, if you chop the top off without removing the root, it grows back again. Our experience is that if somebody is living in a state of anxiety, learning to stop their anxiety patterns and calm down their nervous system is something that takes time and persistence. Yet, it is amazing to see how people come alive once they discover how to calm their system. We have literally seen people go from housebound to normal functioning in only a few sessions.www.theoptimumhealthclinic.com l

ClinicalNLPADVERTORIAL


RNew_P49_Advertorial_v3.indd 1 12/30/05 10:50:42 PM

FeelGoodWorkplace Massage: Increasedvitality or a waste of precious time?By Joanna Goodman

The rising popularity of alternative therapies in the office coincides with an unprecedented level of

workplace stress. This is not surprising given the pace of today’s working environment. Laptops, email, instant messaging and mobile phones mean that managers and employees face growing demands on their time and energy in an increasingly competitive global marketplace. The clear and acknowledged link between stress and ill-health is a significant economic problem for UK businesses given that more than 105 million working days each year are lost to stress-related absence.

Stress is not all bad news, though. In today’s pressurised business environment, it is a driving force that pushes us to achieve. Many organisations want to harness the energy and vitality that it produces, and attempt to prevent its detrimental effects by offering stress-busting therapies in the workplace.

One of the most popular is on-site massage using an ergonomically designed portable massage chair. This is a fully clothed massage focusing on acupressure points on the upper body, including the arms and fingers. A typical session takes just 15 to 20 minutes. The cost is relatively inexpensive and therapists claim that it reduces stress, increases vitality and provides instant relief from muscular aches and pains.

But does it work? Managers at an overnight publication where staff spend long hours at their screens introduced

this alternative therapy for a trial period in an effort to reduce both mental stress and physical symptoms such as tension in the back, neck, shoulders and arms.

Although there was significant take-up among managers and staff and appointments were scheduled throughout the working day, there were practical difficulties, including finding a suitable place to do it away from ringing telephones and interruptions. They ended up having to use the editor’s office as the special chair wasn’t easily manoeuvred around the hectic open-plan office. Another problem was the time factor. It’s difficult to relax when every minute brings your deadline closer and no one can reach you if there’s a last minute hitch!

In the end, workplace massage was abandoned in favour of a more conventional solution. An ergonomics consultant was brought in to assess each employee’s workstation in an effort to minimise the negative effects of long periods in front of the computer. This was more practical as interruptions were not a problem and individual workstations could be tailored to need.

Workplace massage was also tried in the busy sales office of a large City company. Again, there was a problem finding a quiet place in their modern open-plan offices with glass partitioning. Although everyone who had time for a massage enjoyed it, the

experiment was not repeated as people felt that their work was disrupted; they lost focus and were unavailable to take important sales calls.

The deadline problem arose again for staff at the offices of a national daily newspaper. Journalists found taking time out ‘to relax’ and have a massage in the middle of their working day counterproductive as they were under more pressure later as deadlines approached. Nobody wanted to sacrifice their lunch hour when they could be working late into the night.

An advertising agency offered Indian head massage, but this was much less successful as there were few takers, particularly among female staff who didn’t want to have to redo their hair and make up! The feeling is that most people enjoy on-site massage, but the benefits are outweighed by the fact that busy staff worry about taking time out of their hectic working day – that is if they can spare the time at all. Employees like being offered alternative therapies as it makes them feel that they are valued by their company and that their employer cares about their well-being. This is important for staff retention as the UK approaches full employment. Many companies recognise this and are introducing off-site pampering and vitality days for their staff. Incidentally, the portable massage has now found its way into some bars in the City where it is very successful, particularly on Friday nights!


ENDNOTE

RNew_P50_Endnote_v3.indd 2 12/30/05 10:53:14 PM RNew P51 v1.indd 1 12/30/05 11:23:31 PM

Documents

Rapport Winter 2005/06