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Raising Boysto be Great Men

Raising Boysto be Great Men

Peter Janetzki - Counsellor/EducatorM.Soc.Sc.(Counselling) and once a boy

Peter Janetzki - Counsellor/EducatorM.Soc.Sc.(Counselling) and once a boy

A Bit About Me

10 Parenting Tips for Raising Boys to be Great Men

Some Closing Thoughts

Books

Tonight’s OutlineTonight’s Outline

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Year 5 & First Love

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The Love of My Life

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Parenting Tip #1Parenting Tip #1

Boys are NOT the same as Girls!

Gloria SteinemGloria Steinem

“We need to raise boys like we raise girls”

Men, Women and the Sex Difference (1995)

“We need to raise boys like we raise girls”

Men, Women and the Sex Difference (1995)

Pre-Feminism – Sex Role TheoryPre-Feminism – Sex Role Theory

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Early-Feminism

Different BUT EqualEarly-Feminism

Different BUT Equal

Gender Feminism – Social ConstructivismGender Feminism – Social Constructivism

Equal Means SameEqual Means Same

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Neurobiology Discoveries – Hard ScienceNeurobiology Discoveries – Hard Science

“Our parental instinct at theplayground is now validated by scientific findings regarding fundamental differences in male and female hardwiring, biochemistry, neurological development, and anatomy of boys’ and girls’ brains.”

Michael Gurian & Kathy Stevens, ‘The Minds of Boys’,(2005, p.41)

“Our parental instinct at theplayground is now validated by scientific findings regarding fundamental differences in male and female hardwiring, biochemistry, neurological development, and anatomy of boys’ and girls’ brains.”

Michael Gurian & Kathy Stevens, ‘The Minds of Boys’,(2005, p.41)

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Parenting Tip #2Parenting Tip #2A Boys BRAIN is DIFFERENT to a

Girls brain!

Boys can eat and walk at the same time, but they appear incapable of doing much else or of doing anything at all speed.

Celia Lashlie 2005

There are at least 100 differences in male and female brains.

Nancy Forger University of Massachusetts, Sex in the Brain: Research Showing Men and Women Differ in More Than One Area.

There are at least 100 differences in male and female brains.

Nancy Forger University of Massachusetts, Sex in the Brain: Research Showing Men and Women Differ in More Than One Area.

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A girl’s corpus callosum (connections between L & R sides of brain) is up to 25%

bigger than in boy’s brains.

A girl’s corpus callosum (connections between L & R sides of brain) is up to 25%

bigger than in boy’s brains.

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Parenting Tip #3Parenting Tip #3Boys are Action Orientated

The Boys from JackassThe Boys from Jackass

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Boys have more dopamine in their bloodstream (impulse/risk behaviour), they process more blood flow in the cerebellum (doing/physical action) hence why boys generally learn less well when sitting still.

Boys have more dopamine in their bloodstream (impulse/risk behaviour), they process more blood flow in the cerebellum (doing/physical action) hence why boys generally learn less well when sitting still.

Parenting Tip #4Parenting Tip #4words, Words, WORDS!!!!

Boys Express Emotions Through Movement

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Parenting Tip #5Parenting Tip #53 Key Phrases

1. NO!

2. NO! Now Go Away!

3. ARH HA …That’s

Interesting?

Parenting Tip #6Parenting Tip #6Manhood is NOT a

Natural Biological Progression

“The world produces

many boys but it raises

few men!”John Eldredge (2001)

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David. D. Gilmore (1990)’ p11 ‘ Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity

… a constantly recurring notion

that real manhood is different

from simple anatomical

maleness, that it is not a natural condition that comes

about spontaneously through

biological maturation but rather is a

precarious or artificial state that boys must

win against powerful odds.

Boys are wired

to be Warriors

and need

opportunities to

conquer ‘things’

Maggie Dent 2010

Boys are wired

to be Warriors

and need

opportunities to

conquer ‘things’

Maggie Dent 2010

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Parenting TipParenting Tip

Connect Choices

With Consequences

Parenting Tip #7Parenting Tip #7There are 4 Archetypes of Masculinity.

I. Peter Pan Bloke

II. Modern Day Eunuch

III. Arrogant Bloke

IV. Potent Bloke – Real Deal

I. Peter Pan Bloke

II. Modern Day Eunuch

III. Arrogant Bloke

IV. Potent Bloke – Real Deal

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Strength

Action

Character

Strength

Action

Character

ArchetypesArchetypes

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Fearful ManFearful Man

Peter Pan BlokePeter Pan Bloke

No StrengthNo Strength

Passive ManPassive Man

Modern Day EunuchModern Day Eunuch

Impotent blokeImpotent bloke

No ActionNo Action

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Arrogant BlokeArrogant Bloke

The Narcissistic TypeThe Narcissistic Type

No Character

No Character

Strong, Active &Self-Controlled Masculinity

Strong, Active &Self-Controlled Masculinity

Potent BlokePotent Bloke

Strength in Action with Character

Strength in Action with Character

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An Australian ArchetypeAn Australian Archetype

Hall of MemorySouth Window - personal qualities

Resource, Candour, Devotion (a nurse), Curiosity, Independence

West Window - social qualities

Comradeship, Ancestry, Patriotism, Chivalry, Loyalty

East Window - fighting qualities

Coolness, Control (of self and others), Audacity, Endurance, Decision

Which healthy males do

you look up to – why?

Which healthy males do

you look up to – why?

Strength in action with characterStrength in action with character

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Australia's Leonardo Di Vinciself taught inventor, writer and religious minister

Australia's Leonardo Di Vinciself taught inventor, writer and religious minister

David Unaipon1872 - 1967

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Barassi bashed after coming to woman's rescue

Barassi bashed after coming to woman's rescue

abc news - 02/01 /2009

Parenting Tip #8Parenting Tip #8Getting from Boyhood to Manhood

Involves a Rites of Passage Conducted by a Community of Men

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Our Indigenous PeoplesOur Indigenous PeoplesStrength in action with characterStrength in action with character

Dolomites (Italy)Source: SBS

Dolomites (Italy)Source: SBS

Strength in action with characterStrength in action with character

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“It takes a village to raise a child”African proverb

“It takes a village to raise a child”African proverb

Strength in action with characterStrength in action with character5 Key Factors of Authentic Rites of Passage5 Key Factors of Authentic Rites of Passage

5. Contain specific culturally relevant markers.

5. Contain specific culturally relevant markers.

1. Conducted by the community of men. 1. Conducted by the community of men.

2. Involve challenge, struggle and pain. 2. Involve challenge, struggle and pain.

3. Bring a change in relationship, especially between mother and son.

3. Bring a change in relationship, especially between mother and son.

4. Bestow adult expectations, responsibilities and rights.

4. Bestow adult expectations, responsibilities and rights.

Parenting Tip #9Parenting Tip #9Boys must be taught to embrace their

power (rather than prove their power) and use it for the good of the community

Women cannot give a boy his sense of masculinity however she can arouse it, &

take it away – emasculate him

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The Bridge of AdolescenceCelia Lashlie (2005)

The Bridge of AdolescenceCelia Lashlie (2005)

11 & 1211 & 1213 to 1513 to 15

15 & 1615 & 1617 & 1817 & 18Mum’s Letting Go

Making Friends

Joining the Community of Men

Electric Fence

The Jolt

Electric Fence

Humming

Turning the Electric Fence

Down

Parenting Tip #10Parenting Tip #10Manage the Battles for Strength

Absent Fathers

TV & Screen Time

Bubble Wrap

Alcohol & Drugs

Pornography

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Boys without fathers not only

experience more physical and sexual abuse,

more mental disease, and more emotional distress

than other children…

Boys without fathers not only

experience more physical and sexual abuse,

more mental disease, and more emotional distress

than other children…

…but also receive lower grades,

drop out of school at higher rates,

act out in school with more frequency, end up in juvenile

courts in higher numbers, and report low self-esteem and low educational

expectations.

…but also receive lower grades,

drop out of school at higher rates,

act out in school with more frequency, end up in juvenile

courts in higher numbers, and report low self-esteem and low educational

expectations. David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America. 1996.David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America. 1996.

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By age 16, your son will have seen 200 000 acts of violence on TV, 33 000 of them murders.

By age 16, your son will have seen 200 000 acts of violence on TV, 33 000 of them murders.

April 2004 issues of Paediatrics Dr Christakis presented research that followed 2600 children from birth to age 7 and discovered that,

April 2004 issues of Paediatrics Dr Christakis presented research that followed 2600 children from birth to age 7 and discovered that,

“for every hour of TV watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10%.

“for every hour of TV watched per day, the incidence of ADD and ADHD increased by 10%.

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Engage them

(& with them)

in activity,

challenge,

movement and

risk

less resilient and self-reliant

ill-prepared to cope with life

weaker social and problem-solving skills

unable to make independent decisions

lack of adventure and appropriate risk

increased obesity and mental illness

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Sunda

y M

ail

-9

Oct

201

1, p

age

7

In the past 3 years, more than 450 child

pornography charges have been laid against ….

10-17 yr olds

Some Closing ThoughtsSome Closing ThoughtsPassivity is the antithesis of masculinity not femininity

Boys learn about masculinity from men

Boys need affirmation and nurturing from both their mother & father

Dad’s step up onto the bridge and take the lead

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Some Closing ThoughtsSome Closing ThoughtsMum’s learn to know when to let go

Single Mum’s open door ways for male connection

Clear age appropriate boundaries that are enforced

Love & accept them for who they are in spite of what they do

If you perceive problems get help early

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