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Putting an Old Head onYoung Shoulders

Steve Baron

Also by Steve Baron

People Power: How to make the government listen

to YOU, for a change

Born To Win Publishing

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Copyright © Steve Baron 2009

First published in New Zealand in 2009 by Born To Win

Publishing.

Editorial office:

Born To Win Publishing

44 Hall Street

Cambridge 3434

New Zealand

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a

retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,

without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be

otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than

that in which it is published and without a similar condition

including this condition being imposed on the subsequent

purchaser.

ISBN 978-0-473-15166-9 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-0-473-15167-6 (Digital)

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To my childrenCody, Jamie, Krystal, Chase

and my parents Peter and Loretta

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Thank You

I would like to thank the following people very much for

their input, ideas, motivation and stories that helped make

this book possible:

Loretta Gibson, Chris Leefe, Barbara Osborne, Jayne Mau,

Michael Mautner, Iain Lees-Galloway (MP), Russell

Norman (MP), Steve Chadwick (MP), Upali Sarathchandra,

Annette King (MP), Chris Tremain (MP), Nicky Wagner

(MP), Ross Stewart, Teresa LaSota, Ginger Tankard, Amy

Adams (MP), Peter Dunne (MP), Oona Busby, Todd McLay

(MP), Jim Anderton (MP), Tariana Turia (MP), Bill Daly,

Maurice Williamson (MP), Michael Cameron, Ross

Robertson (MP), Paul Quinn (MP), Mike Neels, Tau

Henare (MP), Catherine Delahunty (MP), Sharon Wolfe,

Georgina te Heuheu (MP), Yuzhong Chen, Tim Macindoe

(MP), Rick McKinley.

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Contents

Introduction

1. Catastrophes 10

2. Mudguard theory 14

3. Be a contrarian 16

4. The waffle man 18

5. Educate yourself 21

6. Brush and floss your teeth 25

7. Feeling down? 26

8. “What if?” theory 29

9. Winner or loser? 32

10. Don't let salespeople give you advice 35

11. Everything you're looking for is where

you're looking from 38

12. Children in adult bodies 48

13. How else could I turn out with a

father like that? 51

14. What did you learn from school? 52

15. Always follow your gut instincts 54

16. Perseverance 57

17. Judging people 63

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18. Don't try to change others, try to

change yourself 68

19. Hard work doesn't always get you where

you want to be 72

20. If you always do what you've

always done 78

21. Advertising 82

22. Have a “Go to Hell” fund 84

23. Rainy day money 86

24. Who will give me $20 for this $50 note? 88

25. Making mistakes 90

26. Jealousy 92

27. You don’t have to get into debt to get ahead 95

28. Choosing a mate 97

29. Banks 101

30. Gambling really is for mugs 104

31. Giving advice 108

32. 84 Charing Cross Road 110

33. The mother-in-law 112

34. Kenny Rogers poker theory 115

35. University fees 119

36. Credit cards and debt 121

37. Control freaks 124

38. Don't take things for granted 126

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39. Say what you think, but you don't have

to say everything you think 128

40. Face your fears 130

41. Idiot drivers 132

42. Expectations 134

43. Thank you 136

44. Be yourself 138

45. We all have the right to be right and the

right to be wrong 140

46. Respect your elders? 142

47. What's it worth? 144

48. Stress 147

49. 'Tis better to have loved and lost 149

50. Trust funds 151

51. The secret to life 153

52. Distinguish between friends

and acquaintances 155

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Introduction

As our children grow up and venture out in to the big wide

world, we often wonder if they are fully equipped to cope.

They think they are six feet tall and bullet proof, but the

trouble is they don't even know what they don't know. Of

course they rarely take advice from their parents. We are

just silly old buggers who aren't with it, if you know what I

mean. There is an old saying, “You can't put an old head on

young shoulders”. I got to thinking one day that I should put

my thoughts and experiences in writing, so maybe one day

my children have something to refer to which might help

them in their journey. This book is the result of that idea

along with feedback, comments and ideas from dozens of

people I spoke to, friends, government Ministers and MPs.

Sometimes it's easier for your children to take advice from

other people, rather than their own parents. I hope this

book helps.

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1.

Catastrophes

Probably the most important lesson I have ever learned in

my life is when catastrophes happen you have two choices.

You can drown in your own misery or you can remain

positive and look for something good to become of it.

Remember the old saying, every cloud has a silver lining?

Some of the worst things that have ever happened to me in

my life have turned out to be the best things that have ever

happened to me. I have seen it in so many other people’s

lives as well. The bottom line is if you don't keep looking for

the positive amongst all the negative and make the most of

all that happens, then what do you do? Resign yourself to a

life of misery or stick a gun to your head and blow your

brains out the back like a dear friend of mine did. It came

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as a big shock to me the day I learned my best friend Garth

had killed himself. I just couldn't believe it had happened.

Why didn't he talk to me about how he felt? Why couldn't I

have been able to see it and help? Ever since that day I

have always thought to myself... it doesn't matter how bad

things get, it can't be bad enough to do that!

Here's a good example and a true life story of how

catastrophes can turn out to be the best thing that ever

happens to you. “My cousin, Danny Burns, was the top

body builder in his day and won many elite body building

titles. Body building played a big part in his life. He even

made his living through the industry with his own gym. He

and his business partner had built this gym from the ground

up making most of the equipment themselves. It was a

great little business that allowed him to pursue his passion

in life. The business was in an old commercial building in

the centre of town.

I can always remember the day I visited shortly after the

building had been burned to the ground by a fire in the

bakery below his gym. His life had gone up in smoke and

he didn't know what he was going to do. We were standing

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there amongst the ruins and I looked at him and said, “This

will be the best thing to ever happen to you”. He looked at

me as if I had to be the biggest idiot on the face of the

earth. Here we were standing amongst burned embers and

mangled weight training equipment and this was going to

be the best thing to ever happened to him? I didn't know

how it was going to happen but I wanted to instil some

hope and encouragement in him as I could see how much

it was affecting him. To cut a long story short, he ended up

buying an old government building and setting up another

gym.

I think if you asked him today, he would say he never would

have purchased this building which was going for a song at

the time, if it hadn't been for the fire, and he is also even

better off for having done so. The building is worth a lot of

money today. I'm pretty sure the fire was one of the best

things to ever happen to him.

Here's another good example as told to me by Michael

Mautner. “My grandfather was a well to do merchant, with

ten children, in Budapest, Hungary. However, he made bad

investments and the family became very poor, hardly able

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to make a living. Finally in 1935 they had to leave their

home and moved to start a new life in what was then

Palestine (now Israel). Soon after, the borders were closed,

and had they not left, they may have all perished in the

Holocaust. So it was bankruptcy and poverty which

appeared tragic at the time that eventually saved their

lives”.

Just remember though, if you ever find yourself depressed,

do as All Black John Kirwan says in his TV advertisements,

ask for help and hold on to hope, because at the end of the

day all we have is hope. Hold on to it and look for

something good to become of it.

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2.

Mudguard Theory

Here's a story which makes me laugh when I think about it.

The Mudguard theory, or as my mother would say, “All

Brylcreem and no socks”. I was talking to well known racing

identity Ginger Tankard one morning at the track. I had

received some interest in a horse I owned and trained and

we were discussing horse prices and people in racing. A

certain well known person came up in the conversation and

I commented he had done pretty well buying and selling

racehorses. Ginger looked at me with a smile on his face

and told me a story about this person and his devious past,

unscrupulous activities and how he had ripped people off.

He told me this person was a mudguard... all shiny and

clean on the top but covered in shit underneath and not

worth one cent. This is something to keep in mind. So often

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we see these kinds of people and look up to them and

aspire to be like them. They look good, smell good and

have all the trappings of life but when you look under the

mudguard everything is borrowed or dirty.

I remember Robert Kiyosaki saying in his seminars, “Here I

was walking through my rental properties looking at all

these giant TV screens and stereo systems I couldn't afford

even though I was the landlord and owned all these

properties”. It just goes to show, if you buy stuff you end up

with stuff all.

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3.

Be a contrarian

Have you ever noticed how so many people are like sheep,

all following the next sheep? Some good advice I have

heard from many successful people has been to do the

opposite of others, be contrary. When everyone is saying

buy, this is the time to sell and vice versa.

When I was buying my rental properties I can remember

several intelligent and informed people telling me I was

stupid. There was no inflation so house values won't

increase. They also forgot the law of supply and demand. I

knew Auckland (where I lived at the time) was the mecca

for new immigrants and rural people. There just weren't

enough properties for everyone who wanted one even

though we didn't have much inflation at the time. The very

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first rental property I bought in one of the worst parts of

town was one of the best investments I ever made. I paid

$120,000 for it with a 10% deposit. I spent two weeks and

$7,000 fixing it up. I had it revalued and re-financed getting

back my deposit, repair money and $12,000 to go and buy

another property. On top of that the rental covered all

outgoing expenses with plenty left over! Now this is what I

call a good investment.

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4.

The waffle man

I heard this story many years ago at a seminar I attended

and it always stuck in my mind. It tells the story of a very

successful waffle man who worked his waffle stand in

downtown New York. He was always successful, because

he produced the best waffles at the best price and people

always came back to him when they wanted a waffle. He

did so well and he was able to afford to send his son to one

of the most prestigious business universities in America.

After years of university training the son came home highly

qualified and with the prestige of being the highest graded

student ever in the history of this university. Shortly after

arriving back home to his parents the economy took a huge

down turn and the waffle man's business started to feel the

effect, because people did not have the discretionary

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income they had before. After all these years of university

training the son knew exactly what to do and the father

trusted the son, after all he was a highly educated

university graduate.

He convinced his father to cut back his expenditure. He

didn't make the waffles as thick as they used to be and the

ingredients were not as high quality as they used to be.

Soon after, the waffle man went out of business, because

people noticed all the shortcuts and the difference in the

quality and they stopped buying his waffles altogether. The

moral of the story was even with all his university education

the son didn't really know the waffle business like his father

did. In other words trust your own experience, trust your

judgement. Just because someone is a university graduate,

a lawyer, an accountant, a bank manager, doesn't always

mean they know everything. Never overlook that whoever

gives you advice or teaches you something is also a fallible

human being, even parents and teachers. They might not

be right all the time. By all means take advice but make

your own decisions in life and take responsibility for the

decision. I had been running my own business from home

for quite some time and making a good profit, because I

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didn't have all the overheads of most businesses. A couple

of friends tried to persuade me to move in to business

premises as the prestige of the location would improve my

business. I never did do it even though I would have liked

to be where they were, in the central business district with

cute little secretaries answering the phone and looking like

a big shot. They both went out of business and years later I

sold my home business for twice what I expected to get.

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5.

Educate yourself

Over my life I have been a bit of a seminar junkie. I was

always looking to better myself and to learn from

successful people. I even read all those self help type of

books. It's hard to remember exactly what I got from all

those seminars. I do remember one presenter saying he

hoped we would enjoy his seminar and learn something of

value, but not to expect to remember everything he had to

say.

He said take one or two good ideas you thought were

appropriate or applicable to you and flush the rest! There is

one seminar I do remember attending which had a

dramatic effect on my life. The reason I attended this

particular seminar was because I had just finished reading

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Anthony Robbins book Awaken the Giant Within. It is an

international best seller with an immense amount of

information in it, but one thing I remembered was Anthony

Robbins talking about educating yourself.

So shortly after this I saw a seminar advertised by two well

known seminar hosts about making money. One was Brad

Sugars, a very young entrepreneur and the other a New

Zealand property investor, Dr Dolf de Roos. De Roos has

also written books on the subject along with Robert

Kiyosaki of Rich Dad Poor Dad fame. They had combined

to do a two day seminar. I told all my friends and family and

many laughed at me when I told them I had paid $1,200 to

go to this seminar. It was an awful lot of money at the time.

The first day was all with Brad and to be honest not much

of what he had to say resonated with me. The second day

with Dolf was much more interesting, because it was about

investing in real estate and I had sold real estate for

several years some time before the seminar. Even then I

came away from the seminar and wondered what I had got

out of it. The next weekend I was sitting around home with

not much to do. I got thinking about the seminar and there

was one thing that stuck in my mind. Dolf had said, “The

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bargain of the century comes along every week in real

estate and if you go out and look at a 100 properties you

will make three offers and end up buying one of them.” So

this was exactly what I did and to my amazement it was

almost exactly as Dolf had said.

Over the next few years I set about buying a number of

properties, renovating them, adding value, renting them out

and eventually sold them all and retired at only 45 years

old. I even went on to organise two property investment

seminars with Dolf and at the time he told me they were the

most profitable seminars he had ever run.

At the time, one of the major sponsors we had who was a

very well known TV personality and business person was

chatting to Dolf. I could see how excited he was that the

seminars were so popular and I could see him counting the

profits in his head. He proceeded to talk Dolf in to doing

more seminars around the country and even promoted

them on TV. I was obviously disappointed at the time, but

this was a very influential person and Dolf ran with the idea.

I saw the advertising for them and later heard they were

fully sold out? Some time after this I spoke to Dolf and

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complimented him on how successful the NZ wide

seminars had been given they were sold out. He laughed

out loud and said they had been a total failure and he

hadn't made any money from them at all. Most of the

tickets had been given away for free, because they couldn't

sell them.

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6.

Brush and floss your teeth

Have you ever noticed how poor people have lots of tooth

decay and teeth missing? Let's face it, most of us have had

a trip or two to the dentist and we all know how expensive it

can be. One day I remember going back to a new dentist I

had started to use. He had replaced all my old amalgam

fillings with white fillings for me. When I went back a year

later he took x-rays and everything was perfect, nothing

needed doing. Because I had spent so much money getting

the old fillings replaced I had decided to take more care of

my teeth and to use dental floss more regularly. I told him

this and his words to me were that if all his clients brushed

and used dental floss daily then he would probably be out

of business!

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7.

Feeling down

Throughout our lives we always have periods of

depression, when things just aren't going well. Times when

you just don't feel like getting out of bed and you haven't

got the energy to even make your bed let alone do any

exercise. The funny thing I have found is when I have

pushed myself to do a little bit of exercise, walking or

running, I have felt so much better for having done it. This

can lift your spirits and stop you from feeling down.

Experts will tell you exercise isn't a cure for depression or

anxiety, but it has psychological and physical benefits

which can improve your symptoms. Even a little exercise

can help. "It's not a magic bullet, but increasing physical

activity is a positive and active strategy to help manage

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depression and anxiety," says Kristin Vickers-Douglas,

Ph.D., a psychologist at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.

When you have depression or anxiety, exercising may be

the last thing you think you can do. A growing volume of

research shows exercise can also help improve symptoms

of certain mental health conditions, including depression

and anxiety. Exercise may also help prevent a relapse after

treatment for depression or anxiety.

It may take at least 30 minutes of exercise a day for at least

three to five days a week to significantly improve

depression symptoms. Smaller amounts of activity, as little

as 10 to 15 minutes at a time, can improve mood in the

short term. "Small bouts of exercise may be a great way to

get started if it's initially too hard to do more," Dr. Vickers-

Douglas says.

Just how exercise reduces symptoms of depression and

anxiety isn't fully understood. Some evidence suggests

exercise raises the levels of certain mood-enhancing

neurotransmitters in the brain. Exercise may also boost

feel-good endorphins, release muscle tension, help you

sleep better, and reduce levels of the stress hormone

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cortisol. It also increases body temperature, which may

have calming effects. All of these changes in your mind and

body can improve such symptoms as sadness, anxiety,

irritability, stress, fatigue, anger, self-doubt and

hopelessness. So when ever I feel down, I start a new

exercise programme.

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8.

“What if?” Theory

I've always tried to live my life on the basis of being

prepared to try something new. I've never wanted to get to

my dying days and wonder “What if...?”. Perhaps that's why

I have tried so many different things in life? I have always

felt it was a good concept to live life by.

So when a thought has come to mind, when it was time for

a change in direction, I have given it serious thought and

then acted. It's too late when you get to your final days.

Have the courage to take action. This also reminds me of

my first career choice, to become a jockey. I always

remember my boss saying to me that when a gap opens up

in a race to take it, it might not be there when you do want

it. I have applied this principal to my life in general and I've

never been disappointed.

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As my friend Oona Busby said, “So many people when

they reach 10 want to be 12 - then at 13 you want to be 16

and 18 and older - then before you know it you are 40 and

wonder where the time went”. It seems to me we need to

enjoy the now and do all those things you did not do, but

meant to.

We have all made poor choices or done something in our

past we feel bad about or have regretted doing. This

doesn't mean we shouldn't have done them. The fact that

you are now able to look back and realise a mistake has

occurred means you have learned a valuable lesson. Some

of my choices may have landed me in unpleasant

circumstances, but experiencing these things certainly built

my character. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for

those character building situations, but what is more

important is that I was prepared to have a go.

So my advice is if you want to have no regrets at the end of

your life, you have to live each day of your life with no

regrets. The secret is doing what you want to do, going

where you want to go, being who you want to be and being

with who you want to be with. You know you are living and

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working without regrets when you are fully engaged with

life and doing the things you want to do in life.

As the Nike motto says, "Just do it".

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9.

Winner or loser?

Anyone can be a loser, you only have to look around you. It

is so much harder to be a winner. Find out what motivates

you and do something constructive with your life and strive

to be the best at it even if your passion is digging holes in

the road. Dig the best holes.

For so long my life seemed a struggle. I would start to get

ahead and then something would sabotage everything.

There were many times I wanted to give up and never

thought I would amount to much or achieve much in life. It

would have been so easy to just give up and accept

whatever mere morsels life sent my way. I always wanted

more. I wanted to have the freedom to be my own boss and

be beholding to no one. I didn't want to live from pay packet

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to pay packet and find at the end of my life I was reliant on

a meagre government handout. I wanted something to

show for my life's work. The only thing that kept me going

was my desire to achieve something. Not to be rich but just

to have enough money to do what I wanted, when I wanted

and with whom I wanted. Most people seem to accept little

in life. They don't seem to have the motivation or desire to

succeed. That's a real shame, because with a half

intelligent person success is achievable.

You can strive year after year and feel you are getting

nowhere, but then all of a sudden something changes and

before you know it you can have more money than you

need. It's like those old well pumps. You keep pumping and

pumping and nothing happens for a long time. Then all of a

sudden the water starts gushing and all you have to do is

apply a little pressure and it just keeps gushing without too

much effort.

When I talk to my kids I get the impression it doesn't seem

worth the wait. Blow whatever you have now and make the

most of it, appears to be the attitude. Wealth just seems too

far off for them and they don't really think they can achieve

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it. I know they can if they simply adopt the desire. If you

feel like a loser then you will probably be one. If you know

you can be a winner then chances are you just might. At

least have a go so you don't die wondering what if?

In his book Winners and Losers, Sydney J. Harris gives a

number of comparisons between what a winner is and what

a loser is. The book contained forty comparisons, here are

a few selections which made sense to me.

When a winner makes a mistake he says "I was

wrong," when a loser makes a mistake he says "It

wasn't my fault."

A winner learns from his mistakes. A loser learns not

to make mistakes by not trying anything different.

A loser believes in fate. A winner believes that we

make our fate by what we do or fail to do.

A winner stops talking when he has made his point. A

loser goes on until he has blunted his point. A winner

in the end gives more than he takes. A loser dies

clinging to the illusion that winning means taking more

than you give.

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10.

Don't let salespeople give you advice

Economists talk about asymmetric information. This is

when others have more information than you do about a

particular issue. When my eldest boy was three or four

years old we noticed one of his toes was a little disfigured –

it wasn't as straight as his other toes.

Being fairly new parents we wanted what was best for our

little boy. After all, how could he possibly go through life

with a crooked toe?! So we sought specialist advice. The

surgeon looked at his toe and said there was a good

chance he could straighten it and it could help improve his

quality of life later on. It was going to cost over $1,000,

which was pretty much our whole life's savings at the time

as it had to be done at a private hospital. I can still

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remember my little boy crying as they took him off to

surgery and away from his very concerned parents.

As time went by the surgery healed, but to be honest I

really couldn't see a great deal of difference in the look of

the toe. Years and years went by and I never gave it

another thought until he was about 19 years old and a man

of the world. It came up in a conversation I was having with

my mother and reminded me of his operation.

So the next time I spoke to him I asked him how his toe

was. “What do you mean – how is my toe?” he said. He

had no recollection of ever having had a problem with his

toe and the operation, which made little difference apart

from putting a hole in my life savings! Has it ever bothered

him? I don't think so, and you may ask, what is the moral of

this story? Well years later when attending university

myself I studied economics. In economics we studied a

phenomenon called Asymmetric Information. What this

boils down to is that it means one party has more

information than another and gives people an imbalance of

power. I believe this surgeon knew this operation was going

to have very little effect on my son's life. He played on our

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ignorance and concerns as new parents and could see an

improvement to his private hospital’s bottom line profits. Be

wary you don't even know what you don't know!

Salespeople are trained to be persuasive. There are

thousands of books and courses so people can be trained

to part you from your money and these salespeople come

in all shapes and forms. They aren't just door to door

salespeople. They are doctors, lawyers and financial gurus.

As Steve Martin, author of Heavy Hitter Sales Wisdom,

says... “Twenty-four hundred years ago, Aristotle described

the three elements needed to move an audience--logos,

pathos, and ethos--the intellectual appeal, the emotional

appeal, and the speaker’s character and charismatic

appeal. These classifications are just as applicable for

today’s salespeople as they were back then. In today’s

competitive marketplace, where little difference exists

between products, Aristotle would advise salespeople to

employ not only logos, but more importantly pathos and

ethos to persuade today’s customer to buy.” These people

know how to press all the right buttons to get you to buy.

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11.

Everything you're looking for is whereyou're looking from

This was a favourite saying from an old friend of mine.

Charlie Brodie was a well respected lay psychologist. He

held private clinics at his home to help people overcome

their barriers to happiness and success.

When I first met him I was selling real estate and he and

his wife were looking to buy a property having just sold

theirs. I was desperate to sell a particular property, for a

number of reasons. First it stacked up a lot of other sales,

secondly it was a really lovely home and thirdly it was

extremely well priced and good value for money. I thought it

would be ideal for him and his wife but I had overlooked

one important factor in their decision making. As lovely as

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the house was, it was a two level home with stairs and he

was nearly 90 years old at the time! He was a very sprightly

90 I might add. I remember saying to him that if I could hit

him over the head with a piece of wood to get him to take

this property, then I would. I was just so keen to get him to

buy it. He read more into this comment than most people

would and he explained to me how my aggression in

saying such a thing was holding me back from my true

potential.

He encouraged me to go to therapy with him at his home.

He had a unique way of asking open ended questions

made me look at my life and get past these barriers that

were holding me back. The whole basis of his theory

seemed to be based around his belief that “everything you

are looking for is where you're looking from”. In other words

you have to look deep within yourself to find out what

demons are holding you back from achieving all you want

to in life.

So if you get the chance to do something like this, or to

take a course, then do it. It doubled my income within a

year. It was money well spent and when I have faced

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issues in life his saying has always come back to

encourage me.

I guess what he was really saying is most people sabotage

their own success. Abraham Lincoln once said “Always

bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more

important than any other.”

We all need to take a deep look inside ourselves and find

out what is holding us back. What reason and excuses are

you telling yourself? Are you too young, too old, too fat, too

stupid, too ugly, or just too thick? Some of the most

intelligent people who ever walked this planet couldn't even

read and were butt ugly!

Albert Einstein:He did not speak until age 3. Even as an adult Einstein

found searching for words was laborious. He found school

work, especially math, difficult and was unable to express

himself in written language. He was thought to be simple

minded, until it was realised he was able to achieve by

visualising rather than by the use of language. His work on

relativity, which revolutionised modern physics, was created

in his spare time.

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Thomas Edison:He was unable to read until he was twelve years old and

his writing skills were poor throughout his life.

George Washington:

He was unable to spell throughout his life and his grammar

usage was poor. His brother suggested that perhaps

surveying in the backwoods might be an appropriate career

for young George.

Tom Cruise:

Is unable to read due to severe dyslexia. He is able to

memorize lines and perform on the stage and screen.

Consider what these people also went through before their

success...

John Drew Barrymore:

Actor; father of actress Drew Barrymore spent many years

living on the streets and in shelters, becoming more and

more reclusive and eventually disappearing into the

wilderness maintaining very little contact with friends and

family.

41

Halle Berry:

In an interview with magazine, US Weekly, Berry stated she

had stayed in a shelter for a time.

Jim Carrey:

Actor, writer, producer and comedian lived out of a V W van

in various locations across Canada with older brother John

Carrey, older sister Rita Carrey, and parents Percy Carrey

and Kathleen Carrey. They also camped in a tent with his

family in the backyard of the home of his older married

sister, Patricia.

Charlie Chaplin:

Oscar-winning actor, writer, director and producer; British-

born author; knighted. He lived on the streets of London

during his childhood after his father died and his mother,

Hannah suffered a mental breakdown. After Hannah

Chaplin was again admitted to the Cane Hill Asylum, her

son was left in the workhouse at Lambeth in South London,

moving after several weeks to the Central London District

School for paupers in Hanwell. Chaplin’s early years of

desperate poverty were a great influence on his characters.

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Themes in his films in later years would re-visit the scenes

of his childhood deprivation in Lambeth.

Kelly Clarkson:

Grammy Award-winning singer; American Idol television

talent show first-season winner 2002. She lived out of a car

and in a shelter, with her female roommate after a major

structural fire forced them out of a 71-unit apartment

building in West Hollywood, California in March 2002. In an

interview with Inside Edition television news magazine,

September 5 2002, her roommate-fellow Texan,

actress/singer Janet Harvick was quoted as saying, “It was

really, really rough because we had just moved here, and

we had just moved in the day of the fire. We knew nobody

here—I mean nobody, so the night of the fire, the next day,

and night, we stayed in our car.”

US Weekly magazine, September 23, 2002; print story:

“‘My apartment [building] burned down; my car got towed

twice,’ recalls Clarkson, who, with nowhere to go, lived in a

homeless shelter for several days.”

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Daniel Craig:

Actor; James Bond in the 007 movies, is reported as

having slept on a park bench in London while a struggling

actor. (source: Daily Mail newspaper, October 14, 2005).

Ella Fitzgerald:

Ella spent years as a struggling, homeless teenager before

she was discovered in a singing competition. In 1932, her

mother died from a heart attack. She was taken in by her

aunty. Shortly afterwards her sister’s guardian also died of

a heart attack and Frances joined Ella at Virginia’s home in

New York City. Following these traumas, Fitzgerald’s

grades dropped dramatically, and she frequently skipped

school. At one point, she worked as a lookout at a bordello

and also with a Mafia-affiliated numbers runner. After

getting into trouble with the police, she was taken into

custody and sent to a reform school. Eventually she

escaped from the reformatory, and became homeless.

Chris Gardner:

Multimillionaire stockbroker (net worth $65 million (2006);

American author; the 2006 movie The Pursuit of Happiness

starring Will Smith was based on his life. He slept in

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subway stations, trains, bathrooms, and church-run shelter

with his son in California.

Harry Houdini:

Magician, escapologist and actor; Hungarian-born

American author slept rough and in temporary shelters; left

home at age 12 in search of work and travelled for two

years on his own, making his way from Wisconsin to

Missouri and settling finally in New York City.

Eartha Kitt:

She slept in subways and on the roofs of apartment

buildings. “When I see the homeless now, I empathize,”

she told Kaufman in the New York Times. “I know there but

for the grace of God go I,” she continued.

Jim Morrison:

Singer, songwriter and poet; lead singer and lyricist for the

1960’s rock band The Doors; Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

inductee (with The Doors), slept on rooftops, in cars and

under the pier at Venice Beach, California and ‘couch

surfed’ at friends’ apartments.

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George Orwell:

British author stayed in homeless shelters either to

research material for his work or (likely) necessity.

Sally Jesse Raphael:

It is written in her biography, An Unconventional Success

that she lived in her car for a time. For a while, her financial

situation was so dire she was on food stamps.

Harland ‘Colonel’ Sanders:

Sanders became a businessman and founder-

spokesperson of the Kentucky Fried Chicken fast-food

restaurant chain. He became homeless at age 10, when his

mother remarried and he left home due to altercations with

his stepfather. As an adult he slept on the back seat of his

car, because he could not afford lodging as he travelled

around the United States and Canada. Sometimes he was

with his wife Claudia, trying to sign up restaurants to use

his special fried chicken recipe for a franchise licensing fee.

Hillary Swank:

In 1989, when she was 15, Swank and her mom packed up

their Oldsmobile Delta 88 and, with just $75, headed to Los

46

Angeles. They lived in the car until a friend [eventually]

gave them a place to stay. Swank’s mom used a pay phone

to book her daughter for auditions.

So what's your excuse?

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12.

Children in adult bodies

I've never been the type of person to have lots of friends.

When I was a kid it seemed like everyone loved to pick on

me (hasn't changed much!) I was of small frame, a bit

cocky and outspoken which made me an easy target for

the local bullies. I always looked forward to becoming an

adult so I wouldn't have to put up with all this childish

behaviour. What I have learnt is that adults are just children

in an adult body. To be honest I don't like people much.

They can be nasty, jealous, rude and deceitful. Of course

there are many lovely people in the world but this is just

me! My friend Bill Daly contributed this. “Seek real friends

who will be there on the bad days as well as the good

ones. Look for friends who like you for what you are and

what you think, rather than what you have or your status in

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life.” You can have all the money and success in the world,

but if you don't have friends and family to share it with, was

it all worth the effort?

More so these days, people seem to be excessively

emotional. They never seem to be prepared to look at a

situation from the other person's perspective and seem to

take offence so easily. It makes having people skills even

more important than most skills. I guess I never really

acquired many of these skills so that’s probably why I have

tried to stay away from people. I strongly believe a big part

of growing up is accepting responsibility for our own lives.

We all experience this when we leave home and our

parents. For many there comes a time when we finally

realise our parents were not mature themselves and

perhaps not even good role models. Sometimes we need

to seek good company in people we know are intelligent

and in whom we can trust. We often need to change our

perspective on life, because we can see past experiences

or past role models will no longer suffice. It is also the

responsibility of parents to make our children grow up.

Sometimes that can be hard to do. My son once contacted

me asking for a few hundred dollars to pay for repairs on

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his car. He had been working for four years and done

nothing but waste his money on everything imaginable. It

was hard to do because we all want to help our children,

but I told him if he had been working and earning a living

for this long and didn't even have the money to pay for this,

then what lesson would I be teaching him if I bailed him

out? He would only learn that his parents would bail him

out when he hadn't acted responsibly. Of course I had to

put up with a tirade of abuse and I was no longer his father

in his eyes, but at the end of the day we have to do what

we have to do as parents.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is even though

people may appear as adults and may appear to be wiser

and more mature than you... often they are not.

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13.

How else could I turn out with afather like that?

I remember reading a story which followed the life of two

young men. Their father had been a notorious criminal in

America. One son turned out to be a criminal just like his

father and the other turned out to be a successful business

person who led a life of honesty. The interviewer met with

both men and asked them both the same question. “Why

did you turn out the way you have?” The big surprise was

both men gave exactly the same answer... “With a father

like that, how else could I turn out?” You have choices in

life and if you make the wrong choices it’s not your parents’

fault, it's your fault. Take responsibility for your own actions

and your own decisions, don't blame someone else. As

parents most of us do our best and we all make mistakes,

but kids aren't born with a how to manual attached.

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14.

What did you learn from school?

In 1996 the Ministry of Education’s report on the

International Adult Literacy Survey showed about 20 % of

New Zealand adults between the ages of 16 and 65 had

very poor literacy skills. Those most likely to be in this

group are adults from Maori, Pacific, or other non-

European backgrounds, adults with limited English

language skills, and people who are unemployed.

According to the survey, these adults may experience

considerable difficulties when using the printed materials

they encounter in everyday life. People over fifty years of

age have the lowest average level of literacy. I was never

very good at school and never achieved any high school

qualifications even though I am now attending university.

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Mostly I didn't apply myself. If there is one thing I learned

that was important to me, it was the ability to read. Most of

us take this for granted, but as the parent of two dyslexic

children who have struggled to read their whole lives, it is

such a crying shame. If you can read then sooner or later

you can educate yourself on things that are important to

you. Many of the important things in life that I have learned,

that have helped me get to where I am in life today, came

from a book. If there is one thing you learn in life, let it be

the ability to read. If you can't read or your children can't

read then find a way to learn and persevere until you do.

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15.

Always follow your gut instincts

Nothing new with this one and we hear it all the time, but

have you ever really thought about it? Is there really any

truth in it? Quite often when weighing up different options

we get an uneasy feeling. We don't always know why, but

there is something there, something bothering us but we

can't quite put our finger on it.

I believe we subconsciously pick up on signals. Things

people say or things they do that just aren't congruent.

These are your instincts picking up on the signs and you

need to trust them. I can always remember my old friend

Charlie Brodie telling me about an experience he had. He

was looking to make a large purchase and the person who

was trying to sell him something made the statement that

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he was a past sports star. The inference was because of

this he could be trusted. It turned out to be a big mistake so

he told me, and he knew at the time this person couldn't be

trusted but he ignored his instincts.

Instincts are also aspects of our lives that are ingrained in

us from thousands of years ago. They aren't necessarily

what we have “learned”. For example when a turtle hatches

on a beach it instinctively crawls towards the sea for safety

and life.

In her book Positive Energy, Judith Orloff, M.D., an

assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of

California, Los Angeles, says "Intuition clears your vision

and steers you to the right target."

Stacey Colino writes in her regular article

(http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0846/is_2_25/ai_n 156750

45) “Listen to your body's signals. Sometimes your body

senses threat or danger before your mind does. Your

breathing or pulse rate may change, or you might feel a

sudden chill on your skin when around certain people. Pay

attention to whether you feel peaceful or prickly around

others, and you'll be able to make better decisions about

55

whom you want to work with or befriend.” Orloff also says,

"Intuition helps you do things that are right for you rather

than what someone else tells you to do, and that can help

you live your life to the fullest."

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16.

Perseverance

I don't believe I have ever been a talented person in

any way. However I can always remember my friend

Chris Leefe saying to me he knew I would be

successful in business, because he knew I wouldn't

give up. I have started businesses in the past other

people have also done. As soon as they hit a tough

period they got out, but I persevered and made a real

success of my business. Most people give up too

easily in my opinion. A comment from my ex-mother-

in-law who didn't think much of me was, “Well I'll give

you one thing... you always do well at what you put

your hand to.” Coming from her this was a huge

compliment. It's also important to remember all

experience is valuable if you learn from it and aim to

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do the best you can with what you've got. You may

not make your goal or achieve your dreams this week,

this month or this year, but learn from the experience.

This includes the disappointments and the setbacks.

Be prepared to keep going when the going gets

tough. It's worked for me. What about others though?

Here are three good examples.

Simon Cowell: He is a pop icon and a very wealthy

man. Early in life he faced challenges. At age 15,

Cowell dropped out of school and bounced around

jobs. He eventually landed a job in the mail room of

EMI Music Publishing. Cowell worked his way up to

the A&R department, and then went on to form his

own publishing company, E&S Music.

Unfortunately, E&S folded in its first year. Cowell

ended up with a lot of debt, and was forced to move

back in with his parents. He never gave up on his

dream of working in the music industry, and eventually

landed a job with a small company called Fanfare

Records. He worked there for 8 years and helped the

company become a successful label. From there,

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Cowell spent years signing talent and working behind-

the-scenes, before launching the American Idol and

X-Factor franchises that made him famous.

Even though he is rich and successful, Cowell

continues to work on new projects. This kind of

dedication no doubt helped him overcome his early

roadblocks.

J.K. Rowling: Author of the Harry Potter books, is

currently the second-richest female entertainer on the

planet, behind Oprah. However, when Rowling wrote

the first Harry Potter book in 1995, it was rejected by

twelve different publishers. Even Bloomsbury, the

small publishing house that finally purchased

Rowling’s manuscript, told the author to “get a day

job.” At the time when Rowling was writing the

original Harry Potter book, her life was a self-

described mess. She was going through a divorce

and living in a tiny flat with her daughter. Rowling was

surviving on government subsidies, and her mother

had just passed away from multiple sclerosis. J.K.

turned these negatives into a positive by devoting

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most of her free time to the Harry Potter series. She

also drew from her bad personal experiences when

writing. The result is a brand name currently worth

nearly $15 billion.

Walt Disney: As a young man, Walt Disney was fired

from the Kansas City Star Newspaper, because his

boss thought he lacked creativity. He went on to form

an animation company called Laugh-O-Gram Films in

1921. Using his natural salesmanship abilities, Disney

was able to raise $15,000 for the company ($181,000

in 2008 dollars). However, he made a deal with a New

York distributor, and when the distributor went out of

business, Disney was forced to shut Laugh-O-Gram

down. He could barely pay his rent and even resorted

to eating dog food.

Broke but not defeated, Disney spent his last few

dollars on a train ticket to Hollywood. Unfortunately

his troubles were not over. In 1926, Disney created a

cartoon character named Oswald the Rabbit. When

he attempted to negotiate a better deal with Universal

Studios, the cartoon’s distributor, Disney discovered

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Universal had secretly patented the Oswald character.

Universal then hired Disney’s artists away from him,

and continued the cartoon without Disney’s input (and

without paying him).

As if this wasn’t enough, Disney also struggled to

release some of his now-classic films. He was told

Mickey Mouse would fail, because the mouse would

“terrify women”. Distributors rejected The Three Little

Pigs, saying it needed more characters. Pinocchio

was shut down during production and Disney had to

rewrite the entire storyline. Other films, like Bambi,

Pollyanna and Fantasia, were misunderstood by

audiences at the time of their release, only to become

favourites later on.

Disney’s greatest example of perseverance occurred

when he tried to make the book Mary Poppins into a

film. In 1944, at the suggestion of his daughter,

Disney decided to adapt the Pamela Travers novel

into a screenplay. However, Travers had absolutely no

interest in selling Mary Poppins to Hollywood. To win

her over, Disney visited Travers at her England home

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repeatedly for the next 16 years. After more than a

decade-and-a-half of persuasion, Travers was

overcome by Disney’s charm and vision for the film,

and finally gave him permission to bring Mary

Poppins to the big screen. The result is a timeless

classic.

In a fitting twist of fate, The Disney Company went on

to purchase ABC in 1996. At the time, ABC was owner

of the Kansas City Star, meaning the newspaper that

once fired Disney had become part of the empire he

created. This was all thanks to his creativity and a lot

of perseverance.

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17.

Judging People

Most people have egos and some bigger than others.

We all think we are important and although you are,

so is everyone else. Don't think of yourself as being

above others. No one is better than you, but no one is

worse than you either. Don't judge people by how they

look or how they speak, just because they are

different to you. Not that judging people is wrong. We

have to judge people to protect ourselves and decide

who we can trust, but it is important not to judge

people by the clothes they wear, the way they speak

or the colour of their skin. I learned this lesson many

years ago when I was in real estate. I was only in my

early 20's at the time and a real successful go-getter.

Well at least I thought I was. I had been in the

63

business for a couple of years and I was doing pretty

well for myself. A guy and his wife who weren't much

older than me came into the office one day looking to

buy a property. He was rather arrogant and full of

himself. From the moment I walked out the office door

with them to show them some properties, it all went

wrong. Talking to them as I walked down the street to

my car I stepped in a dog's nest that was conveniently

dropped in the middle of the street. I stood there in

disgust, but this guy thought it was funny and couldn't

stop laughing.

Eventually once the mess was scraped off my shoe

we jumped into my oldish Toyota I had recently

downgraded to from a Mercedes. My wife and I had

just purchased our first home and needed some extra

money to fund it, so I achieved this by selling the

Mercedes. The Toyota was a tidy car, but not oozing

success as this guy rudely pointed out as soon as he

sat down. “Just started in real estate have you?” he

asked. No, why do you say that, I said looking rather

surprised. He patted the dashboard of my car as if to

say, well if this is all you have then you can't be very

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successful at real estate! I was actually one of the top

agents in my office that year.

Anyhow, we looked at quite a number of properties,

but there was always some reason why this guy

wasn't interested. One comment was that there

weren't enough flash cars in this street for him to live

in it. I could see I was never going to get far with this

guy so I decided to pass him on to a new guy who

had just started in our office.

John Stribley was an older English gentleman. He

spoke well, drove the latest Mercedes and was a

multi-millionaire who thought selling real estate might

be an interesting hobby to keep him occupied. John

rang this client and arranged to meet him. The guy

was so impressed with John, the first house he took

him to he bought it. He had the guy eating out of his

hand. So much so this guy signed a sale and

purchase agreement without any details on it,

because John didn't even know how to fill one in!

Another time in real estate I remember an odd looking

couple walking into the office. They were dressed like

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a couple of hillbillies and the way they spoke left a lot

to be desired. They wanted to look at any small farms

we had. I didn't specialise in farms and I thought they

were a waste of time and just dreamers who one day

might win Lotto and then be able to afford to buy their

dream farm. With that I put them on to another

colleague in our office who did specialise in this area.

To cut a long story short he showed them a few farms

we had on our books and sold them a property for

somewhere near a million dollars, which was big

money back then. Moral – don't judge a book by its

cover. This one cost me a healthy commission.

I read this story some time ago and it seems rather

appropriate here. A nursing school professor gave a

pop quiz to his students. Most students breezed

through the questions, until they read the last one.

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the

school?" Surely this was some kind of joke?

Students had seen the cleaning woman many times.

She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how

would anyone know her name? Most handed in their

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paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before

class ended, one student asked if the last question

would count toward the quiz grade. "Absolutely," said

the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many

people. All are significant. They deserve your attention

and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello”.

Sounds like an important lesson.

Think about some of the most famous people in

history for a moment. Julius Caesar was an epileptic,

but everyone has heard of him and Charles Dickens

was lame, but that did not stop him from becoming a

world renowned author. Plato was a hunchback, but

today is known as one of the most famous teachers

and philosophers in history. Colin Powell the 65th

United States Secretary of State was born to

Jamaican parents and started as a floor mopper.

Helen Keller is extremely handicapped, but achieved

more than most people.

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18.

Don't try to change others, try to change yourself

Have you ever noticed how people are always trying

to change others? Wives nag husbands and

husbands nag wives about this and that. Sure, you

can train a guy to put the toilet seat down after he's

had a pee, but the way you see people is usually the

way they live their lives and very few change.

This is not to say they can't change but very few do.

So if you don't like what you see then don't assume it

will be alright, because you can change them later.

Accept them for who they are and how they live their

lives or move on. Leopards don't change their spots

as my old Granddad used to say. All you can do is

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change yourself by being the best you can be and find

friends and lovers you are compatible with.

This reminds me of another thing. The person you fall

in love with in your 20's is different than the person

you would choose in your 30's, 40's or 50's. Life

changes and as we get older we look for different

qualities in people. Things we admire when we are

young are things we can come to despise later in life.

Choose carefully.

If you are looking to make some changes in your life

then here are some suggestions by Debbie Roberts

and Werner Hofstatter

(http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Hofstatter2.html).

1. Change yourself first but state your needs clearly

and respectfully. You can only change yourself. This

may include letting others know your needs are not

being met and telling them what you require from

them. You can say something like, “I have to let you

know that when you are late I feel disrespected. My

time is important too. In the future, I require you to be

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on-time or let me know in advance that you’ll be late.

Is this something you can do?”

2. Get some perspective. Self-awareness is the key to

change. You can’t change what you can’t see. If you

require a new perspective on yourself take a look at

your life and see what’s not working for you. Then,

with the help of some objective and truthful friends,

ask them what they think you’re doing to create this

situation. If someone else seems to be unaware of a

behaviour that is affecting others, ask a specific

question like, “Are you aware that when you

________ it is hurtful?”

3. Uncover your history to discover your current

mystery. Patterns and habits can be deep. Look at

your early childhood experiences. Are you a people

pleaser? Why? How did this start? Are you shy and

withdrawn? How did this start? Finding the root of

your emotional habits will equip you to make different

(but positive) choices. Conscious choice is incredibly

empowering.

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4. Figure out the payoff. Leverage is needed to

change a habit. There has to be a bigger reason to

change than to stay the same. Looking deeper is

often the key. Honestly list all the reasons why you

may be unconsciously resisting change. Then list the

benefits of changing. Seeing both sides of the picture

is the only way to get it. If you are dealing with

another person ask them why they think they don’t

change. This will help them process why they may be

stuck.

5. Do the 21-day habit change. By changing an

emotional habit for 21 days you will be well on your

way to permanent change. Just 21 days. Track it,

journal it or create a spreadsheet. If you can get

through that the rest will be a breeze. Hang in there!

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19.

Hard work doesn't always get youwhere you want to be

How many people do you see, salt of the earth people

who work hard their whole lives but don't seem to

achieve much? You rarely, if ever, get rich by working

for someone else. You really have to look for

opportunities and grab them with two hands.

When I was working in the real estate industry I hit

upon tough times. Out of an office of eight

salespeople we were selling about two or three

properties a month. I was desperate. I had a wife and

two small kids, a new house with a big mortgage and

hire purchase on a car. I was waiting for the

commission on a sale to come through, but I didn't

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even have money to buy food. I was scanning the

local newspaper for another job and saw an advert

along the lines of “Work from home and make good

money.”

So I inquired and found out it was selling advertising

space on the back of school newsletters. I could do it

from home in my spare time and it paid quite good

money.

I can still remember the first time I picked up the

phone and called a local business. I got so tongue-

tied I had to hang up the phone and burst out

laughing. I was a fast learner and got quite good at it,

finding the job incredibly easy. Not long after, the lady

who was coordinating this business for an Australian

company phoned me to say she wasn't happy with

how this Australian company was running things. She

was going to set up on her own and wanted to know if

I would work for her? I said yes as I desperately

needed the money. A thought then came to me. If it

was so easy for her to set up on her own then why

couldn't I? I thought I would do this for a few months

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until real estate picked up and then get back into real

estate. Real estate got even worse and this new

business took off! I ran the business for nearly twelve

years and finally sold it after making a substantial

income every year.

Eventually I got tired of being at the coal face selling

advertising space day in and day out to the local

butcher, baker and candle-stick maker. I just wasn't

happy. It became a real drag and it seemed like every

time I picked up the phone to call a local business, I

was about the tenth person already that day to have

called them. It got harder and harder and when you

are in sales and your motivation has gone it gets real

tough to make sales.

About this time there was a new phenomenon called

the Internet. Everyone was saying this was where

millions could be made! I didn't know exactly what the

Internet was but I thought I'd better be a part of this

new idea. When signing up to get internet access I

remember this black screen popping up in front of me

as it dialled over the phone lines to this Internet

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“thingy”. Getting connected to the Internet was a big

decision at the time because it cost $40 a month and

we were really stretched for money, as my newsletter

business was going down the gurgler.

Then all of a sudden people were typing things on the

screen in front of me. My first question was “Is this the

Internet?” Then someone responded, “No I don't think

so, this is a notice board.” I just couldn't see how I

was going to make any money whatsoever from the

Internet. I now had an email address and I could

contact people all over the world. I didn't know who

because I didn't know many other people with a

computer! But a funny thing happened. I started to get

spam in my inbox. People were trying to sell me all

sorts of weird and wonderful stuff.

Again, an idea came to me as if it were sucked out of

the ether. Why don't I do something similar and start

fax advertising to businesses around New Zealand? I

had a fax machine and I had heard faxing could be

automated. I put together a list of business fax

numbers and began my new business. I didn't make

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much money for a while, but people started to see my

little fax adverts and asked me if they could sell some

of their stuff on it. I got excited because some weeks I

even made $50! This grew and grew to a point where

I was making more money than 90% of all New

Zealanders. Well so my accountant told me!

I sold the business ten years later and retired at a

very young age to pursue other interests that had

captured my attention. All of this, because of a

moment of inspiration and loads of perseverance. A

good idea doesn't always come along at an opportune

time either. So when they do come along make a note

of them, write them down and always have a notepad

in the drawer next to your bed. Many an idea has

come to mind when I'm laying in bed half asleep. Your

brain is an ideas vault, not a storage vault, so write

things down.

This doesn't mean there are any free lunches either.

You still have to put in the hard work, unless you get

extremely lucky and I've certainly never been that

lucky.

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British-based researchers Michael J. Howe, Jane W.

Davidson and John A. Sluboda conclude in an

extensive study, "The evidence we have surveyed ...

does not support the [notion that] excelling is a

consequence of possessing innate gifts." You may

have talent in a particular field but that doesn't mean

you have intelligence or motivation to excel. It can

take years. John Horn of the University of Southern

California and Hiromi Masunaga of California State

University say, "The ten-year rule represents a very

rough estimate, and most researchers regard it as a

minimum, not an average." In many fields top

performers need 20 or 30 years experience before

making it to the top. What about Bobby Fischer who

became a chess grandmaster at 16? Evidently he had

nine years of intensive study.

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20.

If you always do what you'vealways done

Here's an old but true saying which can benefit

anyone who keeps it in the back of their mind. “If you

always do what you've always done, you'll always get

what you always got.” In other words if life isn't giving

you what you want, then you have to do something

different. The definition of insanity is doing the same

thing over and over and expecting a different

outcome. We all know it doesn't happen yet many do

exactly that. So many people procrastinate. They

never get around to trying something new. Some are

too scared to step outside their comfort zone and they

never find out what opportunities they have missed.

Some people are always waiting for the perfect

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moment rather than grasping an opportunity when it

presents itself and taking some action. For some

people it is fear of the unknown which holds them

back and others a lack of resources.

Let me share this from my American friend Teresa

LaSota/Torres. “I learned early on that opportunities

present themselves to a lot of people yet they don't

take advantage of them and that always confused me.

I was disenchanted with high school, because the

focus seemed to be on those who were into sports,

i.e., the football team rather than education. So, when

I turned 16 I quit school. My teachers were shocked

because I was an excellent student, but I didn't like

the learning institution I was at.

Instead, I registered at the adult high school and

finished a year ahead of my graduating class. The

school I attended offered full scholarships for the first

two years of college. What saddened me was only

two of us from the school applied. I was awarded the

scholarship based on my grades and teacher

recommendations. I put it down to youth, and the "I'll

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live forever” mentality that so sneaks up on us, as to

the reason others didn't apply.

I completed my two year associates degree at age 18

and shortly before my graduation my parents said

they were moving to California. I wanted to stay in

Florida so I had to put my pursuit of a Bachelor's

degree temporarily on hold and go to work full time.

My job led me to an offer to work as a bookkeeper at

a mechanical contracting firm which had a policy of

paying for your education if it benefited your job. I

again was the only one to take advantage of this.

Not only did I receive my Bachelor's, I went on to get

my Master's and they even paid for my CPA exam

and licensing. At this point I'm in my 30's and I can no

longer say it was youth that kept people from taking

advantage of this offer. In my mind it was laziness and

lack of ambition. It was not an easy task to work full

time and attend school at night...it consumed my life

for a while...but the end result was well worth it. Even

now, the firm I work at will pay for your education and

allow you to study at work on your downtime, yet no

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one takes them up on the offer. So hence, my saying,

“Everyone has an opportunity to succeed... but most

times it's not going to be handed to you... you're going

to have to do your part.”

Opportunities rarely come knocking on the door of

someone who's not seeking them. You have to create

and seek opportunities for yourself. You have to take

the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors

opening.

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21.

AdvertisingHave you ever noticed how inferior you can feel after

watching a TV advertisement? Advertising gurus

design the adverts so you get the feeling you simply

aren't successful or appealing to the opposite sex if

you don't have one of these whatsits! Well, that's what

advertising is supposed to do. It plays on your

emotions so you buy their product. Don't let it make

you feel inferior or worthless because you don't have

what they are selling. I do, however, subscribe to the

theory that as long as you own it, even if it sits in your

garage and you don't use it, you will get better

abdominal muscles! It's not just TV advertising either.

A year's worth of research from Simmons, a media

consultancy, shows Internet video watchers are 47%

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more engaged by the advertising they watched than

were traditional TV viewers. The same study found

viewers were 25% more engaged in the content on

the shows as well.

Creative advertising people know how to press your

buttons, but believe me, you will still be a real man

even if you don't have the latest new car on the lot

and you will still be a real woman if you don't have the

latest designer clothes. If you want to keep up with

the Joneses you'll end up as poor as them too.

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22.

Have a “Go to Hell” fund

If you don't have money then you simply don't have

choices in life. I read somewhere once that everyone

should have a 'Go to hell' fund. It gives you the

freedom to choose. Three to six months’ wages set

aside in an account you won't touch unless you really

have to. Something over and above your regular

savings account. That way, when an opportunity

arises, you can afford to pursue it, or if a really

annoying boss gets to you then you have the freedom

of telling him to go to hell and move on to bigger and

brighter things.

People end up in so many bad situations, because

they become desperate and can't say NO to things

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that are not good for them. If you have enough money

to put aside you can get out of a bad relationship or

leave a job you hate or just isn't working out. For

example, when there are layoffs or the business you

work for goes bankrupt, having savings for these

unexpected times gives you more options. So often

we see women in bad relationships, but they are

totally dependent on their partner and can't leave

them. Not having savings puts them under someone

else's control and leaves them and their children open

to abuse. Something needs to be done now so get

started on your “Go to hell” fund.

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23.

Rainy day money

I chatted with an old Irish man in the street one day

and asked him about the most important lesson he

had learnt from life. He thought for a moment and

then said, “Look after your money”. Nothing I hadn't

heard before, but then he went on to say it was

something that had always been instilled in him from

a young age by his very frugal father. Always save a

little money for a rainy day.

Getting on in age, his mother became quite ill and had

to be hospitalised. The family wasn't happy with the

care she was getting in a public hospital and one day

at her bedside the son looked at his father and said,

“It's a rainy day, Dad”. The mother was then moved to

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a private hospital where she got the care and medical

attention she needed. This is what rainy day money is

for, to give us choices and help care for our loved

ones.

Rainy day money should be different from your “Go to

hell” fund. You need to have both. They need to be

totally separate accounts and each with their own

rules. They aren't there for the time you feel

depressed and want to go on a retail therapy course!

Set aside a small amount each week and have it

automatically paid in to the specific account. This way

you are never going to miss it and you can only spend

what you have in your general account.

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24.

Who will give me $20 for this $50 note?

At the start of all his property investment seminars, Dr

Dolf de Roos would announce he would like to sell the

$50 note he was holding for $20. Everyone sat in their

seats rather confused, even though they all had the

opportunity to jump up and take the offer. After all it

was a pretty good deal!

People sat there thinking it was some sort of trick.

Why would he offer to take $20 for a $50 note? Some

people wanted to take up the offer, they said later, but

they didn't have any money on them. The point Dolf

was trying to make was that there are bargains out

there all the time, but people are too scared to take

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the opportunity or they simply don't have the money to

do it. His advice was always having the money

waiting for those once in a lifetime opportunities (that

come along weekly!) and to look past your suspicions.

Dolf certainly made a good point with his little stunt,

which rammed home his point.

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25.

Making mistakesIf you have never made mistakes you are never going

to get very far in life. Life has never been fair or

perfect. Sometimes you have to make lots of mistakes

to prepare yourself for those once in a lifetime

opportunities. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Learn

from mistakes, but also learn from other people's

mistakes as well.

I remember making so many mistakes in my first

sales job as a life assurance agent. This prepared me

for my next sales job which was selling real estate.

Selling real estate seemed so easy after my

experience in life assurance. Mistakes are only

lessons to be learned from, but the big mistakes in life

are when you don't learn from those mistakes. Never

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get angry with yourself because even the best of us

make mistakes. Don't become a victim to the “Woe is

me” mentality. It's so easy to give up and convince

yourself you have made too many mistakes in your

life to get ahead. Ultimately we all have to accept

personal responsibility for our own mistakes. If you

blame others then you will never get ahead and

achieve whatever it is in life you would like to achieve.

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26.

JealousyDr Michael Cullen, the Labour government Minister of

Finance, once called MP John Key (later to become

Prime Minister of New Zealand) a “rich prick”. As if

there was something wrong with being rich? That to

me sounds like an obvious case of jealousy. Remove

any jealousy from your life because it is a cancer that

will eat you away. Most people deserve what they

have achieved and it really should be something to

admire and aspire to.

I guess this is the “Tall Poppy” syndrome people refer

to. Talk to these people and ask them how they got to

where they are in life. Just about everyone I have

ever asked this question has been only too happy to

tell me and share their knowledge. A friend

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commented about a part in a light-hearted comedy

called Death Becomes Her, which is well worth some

thought. The Bruce Willis character got caught up in

the lives of two women wanting to be young and live

forever, but that came with a horrible price...they

couldn't die; but whatever damage happened to their

bodies after the "miraculous potion" they drank,

became permanent. The Bruce Willis character left

these women and began a new life after 50, while the

women became more monstrous-looking as their

jealousy of each other consumed them. It's sort of like

what's happening to famous people today who have

had too much plastic surgery and botox. My friend

said she prefers to allow life to take its own natural

course and be proud of each scar on her body and

each laugh and worry line. Not to mention, she also

wants her cheeks to move when she talks and smiles!

Jealousy can also destroy relationships. It creates an

element of distrust and does nothing to build a

relationship. Jealousy is usually a mixture of fear and

anger. Fear you are losing something and anger that

someone is trying to take something away from you.

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Most often these feelings aren't really based on any

reality. The best way to overcome jealousy is to bring

it out in to the open and discuss it with your partner so

they can help you to overcome these feelings.

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27.

You don’t have to get into debt to get ahead

I have to thank my old psychologist friend Charlie

Brodie for digging this one out of my brain. Until I met

him I was always poor, just getting by. Every now and

then I would start to build up a bit of capital, but then I

would lose it. I had this idea in my head that you had

to be in debt to get ahead. Every time I got some

money I would get rid of it somehow, so I could get

into debt and get ahead.

Sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? - but I had been

sabotaging myself for years with this stupid belief.

What's holding you back? We all hold certain beliefs

in our heads about ourselves and life in general. Most

often these thoughts limit us and stop us from

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achieving all we can be. Let's face it, we all know we

can and should be doing better than we are. I

remember someone saying to me once, “The only

competition I have is myself.” So often this is true. We

see it in people all the time when they achieve some

success and then find a way to sabotage it, because

they believe deep inside they are not worthy of the

success. Pay attention to those thoughts that come in

to your mind, that bring about doubt and lack of self

confidence. If you can't get to the bottom of your

problems, then find someone who can help you.

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28.

Choosing a mate

Your ability to select a suitable wife or husband will

make a big difference in your life, but no one ever

mentions this when you’re young and in love. Picking

someone who is a joy to be around and who makes

you feel happy in the process is a must. Get to know

that person well to make sure you truly are

compatible, and not just in the bed, because youth

and beauty don't last forever! Do they have similar

beliefs to you? Do you look down to them or up to

them? Wouldn't it be better to have someone who is

on a similar level rather than below you or above you?

As my mother says to me, its one thing getting a

husband or wife, but it's another keeping them. When

you commit to a person it does not mean you own

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them. When you purchase goods you own them, but

nothing you can buy is maintenance free.

Relationships need day to day maintenance for a life

long guarantee. Consequently, committing to each

other is easy but keeping the relationship functioning

requires constant attention.

I think it is also important to pick a pleasant partner

and not someone who likes to fight and argue all the

time. How do you tell if someone is really in love with

you though? Someone once said to me, “When she

cares for you more than she cares for herself, then

she is in love with you”. This applies in reverse as

well. A book I once read also said the purpose of a

first date is only to decide if you can “kiss this person”.

If you don't feel as if you would want to kiss this

person, then simply don't pursue it. When you ask

questions does your partner answer them fully, open

and honestly? If not then what do they have to hide?

Is he/she an honest person, because who wants to

live with lies? In the end all that really matters is

tenderness because after a while looks and health

can fade. The question is - will your partner continue

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to offer you tenderness and love and does your

partner have common sense? Without it, looks,

intellect, talent and money come a distant last. Is

he/she the sort of person who looks for improvement?

Or simply happy to settle for mediocrity and little

ambition. However, over ambition can also have its

negatives.

This reminds me of a joke I read once...

A man had to choose one of his three girlfriends to

marry. He decided to give each one $5,000 and see

how they spent it.

The first one got a makeover with the money. She told

the man, "I spent the money to look prettier for you,

because I love you so much."

The second one bought new golf clubs and a

television. She said, "I bought these gifts for you,

because I love you so much."

The third one invested the money in the stock market,

doubled her investment, returned the $5000 to the

man and reinvested the rest. She said, "I am investing

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the rest of the money for our future, because I love

you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of

the women spent the money. He finally decided to

marry the one with the biggest breasts.

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29.

Banks

Don't put all your money or all your debt with one

bank. Banks love to compete with each other for

business and they prefer to have all your mortgages if

you are a property investor. Never do it even though it

is easier. It gives them too much control and some of

them link each property you buy with the next.

I can remember selling a property once for $150,000

only to find they wanted me to pay them $20,000 to

settle the mortgage, even though I was expecting to

actually receive $50,000 from the sale. I eventually

sorted it out and helped the bank to see sense, but

only after I had to rant and rave to the chief executive

of the bank! My suggestion is to have an account with

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at least two banks and probably three so you have

different options. For instance if a bank goes belly up

like many have through the credit crunch of 2008,

then you won’t lose everything. There is no guarantee

in tough economic times the government will bail out

every bank. Although a government often offers

temporary guarantees on bank deposits, that could

change in the future.

When dealing with bank managers or other

professionals, don't let them take any of your power

away. Most are just glorified clerks with little authority

and can't survive without your business. This doesn't

mean you should be arrogant or belittle them, but

don't let them make you feel inferior either.

My friend Jayne Mau once sought advice from a local

accountant about starting a business. She was young

and took her mother along for support. The

accountant discouraged her from starting the

business.

Later her mother informed her she had known this

accountant’s family her whole life and they were very

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old fashioned and sexist. She believed this

accountant probably thought she would be better off

at home looking after her husband and children. She

ignored the accountant's advice and developed a

successful business.

Banks can also be very quick to lend you money

when you don't need it, but run a mile as soon as you

hit a bumpy patch. They simply can't be trusted. Don't

think for a moment just because you have been with

them for 20 years, this will make any difference. It

doesn't! I can tell you from experience. When I bought

my first home at twenty-one years old, they didn't

want to know me. My lawyer managed to get me a

loan through an insurance company he had contacts

with. My bank which I had an account with for most of

my life, because my parents had opened it, just

weren't interested. All I can say is that after nearly fifty

years on this planet I am yet to be impressed by any

bank and I have dealt with many.

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30.

Gambling really is for mugs

I was once a professional punter on the racehorses. I

had carefully worked out a system which just couldn't

fail. Unfortunately I went broke after only one week.

Despite this I didn't learn from the experience and I

decided to become a professional gambler in the

casino.

I even had an actuary work out the odds for me. On

the big $1 wheel there is almost a 50% chance the $1

slot will come up. So I kept doubling my investment

until I won and then went back to my original bet. For

me to lose my money, the $1 slot had to miss about

seven times in a row which was almost impossible.

You bet, it happened and on more than one occasion I

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lost a whole heap of money. Of course you can't keep

doubling up indefinitely, as they have a limit on the

amount you can place in one bet. These guys aren't

silly you know. If it was this easy they wouldn't be in

business for long, would they?

One day I finally woke up and had an epiphany. I

realised that if I was to lose $1,000 it would make a

big difference in my life, because it took a long time to

save. It might not sound like much but I'll bet (there I

go again) most people you ask on the street wouldn't

have a spare $1,000 sitting in a bank account. Even if

I won and doubled my money, I wasn't going to be

much better off and eventually we all lose. You won't

beat the system.

In 1999 a New Zealand Gaming Survey showed some

interesting insights. People who had gambled in the

six months preceding the survey were asked about

their typical monthly expenditure on each type of

gaming activity. On average, people spent $41 per

month on gaming activities. Males had a higher

estimated monthly expenditure ($53) than females

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($30). The lowest levels of gambling expenditure were

found amongst people aged 18 to 24 ($30) and 65 or

over ($31). People aged 45 to 54 had the highest

average level of gambling expenditure ($58). Average

expenditure levels were higher among the employed

($46) than those not in the labour force ($30).

While $10 a week might not sound like much money, I

have seen so many people lose a lot of money in the

hope that gambling would pay off for them. For sure

most people get lucky every now and then, but the

odds are stacked against you. Unless you give up

gambling after your big win, you will eventually give it

all back and then some.

In my earlier years I would have to say I was a

compulsive gambler. It was the only way I could see

to get ahead and make some money. At one stage

when my job was making me $100 a week in my

hand, I was gambling $500 on one horse. I eventually

came to the realisation it was never going to work for

me. If I had gambled a hundred dollars, I wished I had

made it a thousand dollars, so where do you stop?

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Even if I had a win, the amount I won was never going

to change my life drastically like I hoped it would. On

the other hand if I lost a whole week’s wages (or

more) then my life was going to be considerably

worse.

I did get some help from a hypnotherapist, but I am

sure that was just a crutch I needed to get me back

on track and away from gambling. I had made a

rational decision I knew was sensible and logical,

which allowed me to break my bad habit. I gave up

gambling for a long time and when I did dabble as a

passing interest, the gambling no longer had the hold

over me it once had.

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31.

Giving advice

Michael Neels's advice to me was, “Only give advice

to a man if he asks for it and NEVER give it to a

woman.” We all want to offer advice, isn't that what

this book is endeavouring to do? We all want to show

how intelligent we are, but the bottom line is people

don't want to listen to other peoples’ opinions unless

they ask for it (by buying this book you asked for it!).

You only come across as a know-it-all, so you

shouldn't bother. No one cares what you think so you

might as well shut up and make it easier for people to

like you.

If you feel the need to give advice then the best way

to do it is to ask permission first. Simply say “Would

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you mind if I give you some advice about that?” Not

asking causes all sorts of problems between friends,

family and acquaintances. By asking, it shows

compassion and not that you are just an opinionated

person.

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32.

84 Charing Cross Road

Whatever you do…have an 84 Charing Cross Road

person in your life. I had never heard of this movie

before a friend told me about it. 84 Charing Cross

Road is a true story about a woman who was

searching for obscure books and contacted a book

store in London. She corresponded with the owner

and other employees over the course of 20 years

from 1949 to 1968. When she finally was able to

travel to London, she found the owner had died and

the shop had closed. It was written by Helene Hanff,

made into a play, and then a movie starring Anne

Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins. It's funny, as much as

I love to read I've never read the book, but I

remember how much the movie touched me, she

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said. Corresponding with others we’ve never met

allows us to be vulnerable…to share and express

feelings that may make us feel uncomfortable if we

were to share them with people we see every day in

our life.

I’m not saying the ending has to be the same, but you

have to admit anticipation in life, that unknown,

unmet, untouched part of our lives should be

cherished. It gives us something to look forward to,

and to be able to face each day with anticipation.

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33.

The Mother-in-law

Have you ever noticed how often wives don't get

along with the mother-in-law? It's a strange

phenomenon how the husband's mother is usually on

the outer. Now I know some mothers-in-law can be a

bit overbearing and hard to get along with, but it is

important for your kids to have experiences with both

sets of grandparents.

Even if you can't stand your mother-in-law’s girls, let

them spend time with your children, even if she takes

them away so you don't have to put up with her. She

deserves it and so do your kids. I'm told by some,

most mothers-in-law start by trying to be as helpful as

possible with the new baby, but this is usually

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construed by the daughter-in-law as being interfering.

Soon she distances herself and baby from the

mother-in-law thus allowing a justified reason to lure

her man away from the closeness he has towards his

mother. There is a certain inbuilt jealousy that she

wants to be the only woman on earth he loves so

deeply.

The other scenario, a mother-in law decides she will

not become one of those over the top or interfering

mothers-in-law she hears about, she will sit back and

wait to be asked for her opinion and help. Well guess

what, it won't happen. The daughter-in-law will then

take the stance she is not liked nor helped by the

mother-in-law. Again, in her mind, she is justified to

complain to her man that his mother doesn't care

enough to be there for them. This again is placing his

mother on the outer.

These daughters-in-law don't realise they could one

day be a mother-in-law themselves and most likely

think they will be the best ever. Good luck to them,

because an end to the mother-in-law myth would be

most welcomed. As a daughter-in-law you need to

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keep a few things in mind. Most daughters-in-law are

naturally defensive and insecure when it comes to

dealing with the mother-in-law, but never put your

husband in a position of having to defend his mother.

She usually has a special place in his heart, but that

does not mean you are not just as important or even

more important. No one wins in this situation and all it

creates is animosity and derision, which no family

needs. Some mothers-in-law will do everything

possible to prove you are not good enough for their

sons. These sons will see through this even if they

don't do anything about it. There is no point in putting

his mother down like she is putting you down. Ask

your husband to talk to his mother. If he won't then all

you can do is keep this kind of mother-in-law at a

distance, but never try to compete with her. If he didn't

want you more than her he never would have left

home or married you in the first place! If possible,

keep your husband’s parents up to date with what is

happening, especially with their grandchildren rather

than keeping them in the dark and them coming to

resent you.

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34.

Kenny Rogers poker theory

Remember the song lyrics...” You gotta know when to

hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk

away and know when to run...”

When I was in my early 20's I was working on the

railways as a locomotive assistant (fireman). I

remember one of the drivers I worked with. He had a

real penchant for buying shares and as a kid who

knew little about any financial investments, I was

extremely impressed by all the talk this guy had. I'm

not sure but I think he must have been Warren

Buffet's twin brother, because he was going to be

worth millions. He had got the low-down on a share to

buy from his mother’s, brother’s, and aunt’s cousin

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who had a friend over the back fence who worked in

the industry where they were discovering natural gas.

He was told he should be buying shares in Oil and

Gas.

At one stage his shares where worth twice as much

as he paid for them. Naturally I asked him why he

hadn't sold them and taken his profits. “They're going

to triple, that's why, boy!” I was told. Now, how he

knew this was beyond me.

I knew as much about these shares as he did. He

hadn't done any evaluation on the intrinsic value of

these shares. He was just gambling and to top it all off

he had borrowed money against his house to buy

these shares. In effect he was gambling. He might as

well have put his $10,000 on number 7 in race 7 at

the horse races, because he didn't have a clue what

he was doing. I know that now but I didn't know it

then. About a year later I came across him and asked

how his shares were doing? With a sheepish look he

said he had sold them. “Did you make a fortune?” I

asked. Turns out he held on and held on with

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unbridled faith expecting them to keep going up and

up, but they didn't. They dropped and dropped and he

ended up losing money when he could have at least

doubled his money.

Two of the hardest aspects of share investing is

valuing a share (part of a company) and knowing its

intrinsic value regardless of how popular or unpopular

it is to the share market. It is so important to learn how

to value shares and well worth the effort. Secondly, it

is knowing when to get out. The best way to do that,

in my opinion, is to know the intrinsic value and also

to make a decision to get out at a certain figure, if you

aren't in it for the long term like Warren Buffet is. Take

a course and read lots of books on the subject of

share investing, before you invest your money. Not

just any books with the latest trends, but books that

give you an insight in to the minds of successful

investors.

Remember what Warren Buffett always says, “It's far

better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price than

a fair company at a wonderful price." Buffett has

delivered outstanding returns for his investment

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company Berkshire Hathaway by buying undervalued

shares in great companies. The trouble is how do you

identify great companies and determine what really is

a reasonable price?

Buffett recommends investors look for companies that

deliver outstanding return on capital and produce

substantial cash profits. He also suggests you look for

companies with a huge economic moat to protect

them from competitors. You can identify companies

with moats by looking for strong brands, alongside

consistent or improving profit margins and returns on

capital.

How do you determine the right price for shares in

such companies? Buffett advises that you wait

patiently for opportunities to purchase stocks at a

significant discount to their intrinsic values, which is

calculated by taking the present value of all future

cash flows. Ultimately, he believes "value will in time

always be reflected in market price". When the market

finally recognises the true worth of your undervalued

shares, you begin to earn solid returns.

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35.

University fees

A lot of people pay for their children to go to university.

Most people are proud of the fact they can afford to

put their children through university or do so even if

they can't afford it. I'm proud of the fact my daughter

put herself through university and so is she.

When my daughter told me she was planning to go to

university, I told her if she really wanted to go and to

do well there, she would have to pay for it all herself.

She looked a little put out at first, but then she

announced she would rather have the satisfaction of

doing it on her own back anyway.

Why did I decide this? I could certainly afford to pay

for it at the time, but a year or two before this I

remember sitting in a cafe I regularly went to. You get

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to know the waitresses by name and chat from time to

time. This one young waitress had been there for

around six months. She told me she wouldn't be

working there after Christmas, because she was

going to university, locally in Auckland. I said I thought

she would have been keeping her part time job to

help fund this education. Her answer was that she

didn't need to, because “Dad is paying for it”. I thought

about it for a while and I really didn't like the attitude. I

never met her again, but I wonder how she did and if

she would have applied herself as much as she would

have if she had been paying for it all herself.

My daughter has finished her degree and her student

loan isn't very large, because she has also worked

her way through university and paid for everything

herself. I'm so proud of her and in the long run I think

she will be better off for having achieved it all herself.

It teaches them to stand on their own two feet and

teaches them responsibility rather than expecting

mum and dad to bail them out and fix everything for

them.

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36.

Credit cards and debt

Credit cards are so convenient, but also dangerous.

They make it so easy in times of hardship to make the

noose even tighter around our necks. All they really

do is delay the inevitable and make it harder to get

ahead in life. My advice is to never have one. For

convenience get a debit card. They work just like a

credit card, but can only be used if you have money in

your account. You can pay for things online with them,

but the bank isn't giving you credit like a credit card

does. They are linked to your savings or cheque

account at the issuing bank and the money is taken

directly out of your account. That way when you hit

rock bottom you will have to face the problem head on

and do something to fix it. Getting into debt isn't fixing

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the problem but only making it worse. When in real

estate I remember lots of commissions coming

through and receiving a free offer to have a credit

card. How could I say no?

After all, every big shot like me had a credit card to

splash around. It was a gold one too! Isn't it funny

how they now have platinum and goodness knows

what else to show that you have arrived and that you

are better than the next person. Not long after this the

real estate industry hit bad times and several sales I

had made fell over. I ran out of money only to receive

my credit card bill, still owing $500 on it, soon after.

At the time it seemed like a lot of money and I had

nothing left to pay it off. When things were going well I

had always paid it off in full every month without a

problem. Now things were different. I can tell you this

caused a lot of stress in my life and a bad credit rating

for some time.

It just wasn't worth the hassle. Don't delay the

inevitable. If you have one then pay it off and cut it up.

One day you will thank me. Debit cards are safer than

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carrying around cash and you don't have a huge bill to

pay at the end of every month (not to mention extra

interest payments if you don't pay your credit card off

in full).

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37.

Control freaks

Are you a person who always has to be in control of

everything? A control freak? Here's what Wikipedia

has to say: “In psychology-related slang, a control

freak is a derogatory term for a person who attempts

to dictate how everything around them is done. It can

also refer to someone with a limited number of things

they want done a specific way”. Professor of clinical

psychology Les Parrott wrote "Control freaks are

people who care more than you do about something

and won't stop at being pushy to get their way." Some

control freaks even see what they do as helping

people because they think they are better than

everyone else and no one can do what they can do.

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In effect they are legends in their own minds! For

others it's just simply power and their way of getting

control. This behaviour doesn't get you far in life.

People come to despise you and it makes your life a

misery, because you will never be able to control

everything so why bother trying? Just accept you can't

control everything in life and you never will be able to.

Life will be so much easier and you will get along

much better with the people who love you. If you are

married to someone like this don't put up with it, get

out and find a happier life if this person isn't prepared

to do something about it. Life is just too short to put

up with people like this.

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38.

Don't take things for grantedWhen I rode my first winner as an apprentice jockey it

was on my second ride. I thought I was the next Willie

Shoemaker and the world was going to beat a path to

my door and beg me to ride their horses for them.

This horse was due to race again in a couple of

weeks and I expected to be the jockey again. After all

I had just won on it. I forgot to ask the trainer for the

ride and he gave it to another apprentice, because I

didn't ask and he thought I must have had a better

offer. Ever since then I have never taken things for

granted. I always follow up and ask for what I want!

On a personal note, taking things for granted isn't

necessarily a bad thing. After all you don't want to

think every time you breathe, do you? It's okay to

expect the sun will come up and that one foot will

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follow the other as you walk, but it is also important to

take notice of the little things in life. If you fail to notice

the little things in life then people start to feel

unappreciated. This is especially important with

people close to you. Noticing the new clothes your

spouse has just bought and how good they look on

him/her, then commenting to him/her makes a big

difference in life. It also gets loads of brownie points.

One situation always annoys me and makes me feel

bad, is when I call someone close to me and they

don't return my call. They take it for granted I will call

them back. This is the downside to taking things for

granted. Also, never forget familiarity breeds

contempt. Sometimes in life it is necessary to take a

break. This could be from work or a loved one, so

when you return you get to see things from a different

perspective. It makes you appreciate things just that

little bit more.

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39.

Say what you think, but you don't have tosay everything you think

Some people think they should say what's on their

mind and admire themselves for being blunt and

honest with people when they blurt out what they

have to say. It's a quality they seem to think others

admire in them, but usually people don't. What they

don't realise is this can really annoy people and make

the situation worse if they don't approach it the right

way. It is also important to know where to draw the

line, because people don't always want to hear the

truth and sometimes the truth isn't appropriate, so

think before you open your mouth. It is very important

however, to speak your mind if you can do it properly.

The problem most people have is the context of how

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they say what they say. If you say what you are

thinking with consideration for what others have said,

then it will come across a lot better.

You have to understand that they may have a different

perspective than you on the subject so you need to

say something without attacking the other person or

putting them down personally. If you are speaking

your mind only to make yourself sound intelligent and

to put the other person down, then simply shut up.

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40.

Face your fears It is so important to learn to face your fears. They hold

us back from experiencing all life has to offer and this

just limits us. The fear of failure is one of the most

dangerous. Some people are so afraid to fail, they

never do anything. This is a self-fulfilling cycle that

holds people back. People become so paralysed they

simply do nothing. They get excited about something

and are ready to do it, but then fear takes over and

they quit.

Start by having realistic goals rather than trying to eat

the elephant in one sitting. Once you achieve a simple

goal aim a little higher next time. The first step is often

the hardest! One of the main reasons for fears is the

talk going on inside your head. You know what I

mean... when you say to yourself, “I can't do that” or

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“It's too risky”. If this talk is irrational then you have to

find ways to replace these irrational beliefs. Find ways

to change those words running through your head.

Investigate and get some real facts on the issue to

help balance those fears.

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41.

Idiot drivers

It seems whenever you drive your car the road is full

of selfish, ignorant people. I used to get really upset

about this until one day when I was abusing yet

another idiot driver, my young daughter in the back

popped up and said, “Why do all the idiots only come

out when you're driving, Daddy?” Even adults can

learn from their children!

An idea I learned in philosophy classes was to be an

observer. Look down on the situation as if you were

simply observing and not actually in the middle of

what is happening. It's a way of distancing yourself

from what is happening and it gives you time to think

about what is happening. Try for the next week to let

everyone in to the queue on the motorway, or the

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person wanting to change lanes. Simply take a deep

breath and wave them in. You might be surprised at

the difference it makes and the smiles you will get.

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42.

Expectations

Life is extremely busy and stressful for most people. If

you would like life to be less stressful don't expect too

much from people. People are good at letting others

down. Some people take this to heart and get all

worked up about it. By not expecting too much from

people you will never be too disappointed. Alexander

Pope, the great English poet of the eighteenth century

once said “Blessed is the man who expects nothing,

for he shall never be disappointed”. You can't control

how people act or what they do or don't do so let it go.

Expectations can however be a good thing. They can

help you challenge yourself and others to performer

better but unrealistic expectations only add more

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stress and lead to anger, disappointment and

resentment.

It's also important to remember never to burn your

bridges with people just because they haven't met

your expectations. You never know the day you may

need to go back for their help or advice. Just

understand people are fallible.

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43.

Thank youA recent US survey showed 70 % of adults said

people are ruder now than they were 20 years ago. If

you want to stand out from the crowd then try saying

“Thank you” and genuinely mean it. MP Tau Henare

reminded me, “Saying ‘thank you’ to people is one of

the most important things to learn in life, especially to

those who have done things out of the goodness of

their hearts, because saying ‘thank you’ doesn't cost

anyone anything but it can uplift someone so much

whether it be your wife, your dad, your mum or

whoever, it really is the best thing to say to anyone.”

If you are in business or dealing with the public do

you always say ‘thank you’? I could probably count

the number of times I have been thanked after making

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a purchase, on one hand. With some businesses it's

almost like you have done them a disservice for

buying something off them. It's almost like you have

rudely interrupted their busy day. It's so nice to hear a

“Thank you” when you make a purchase. It's a simple

pleasantry often forgotten in this busy, stressful world

we live in. As Alfred North Whitehead, a well known

British mathematician, logician and philosopher once

said, “No one who achieves success does so without

the help of others. The wise and confident

acknowledge this help with gratitude.”

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44.

Be yourself

So often in life we try to be or act like someone else

instead of just being ourselves. People always seem

to be able to see through this facade, because it isn't

congruent with whom we really are. We all want to be

liked and admired by others, but putting on an act has

the opposite effect. Most people will like you for who

you are, warts and all, and if you can really just be

yourself you will also have an inner peace that will

make you even more attractive to people.

We all have to realise we are all so different. Variety is

the spice of life so it is wonderful each of us is

different in so many ways. “Be who you are and say

what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

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and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr. Seuss. To be

yourself you have to find out who you really are,

understand yourself and accept yourself. It doesn't

matter what other people think about you, it's

important what you think about yourself. This is what

defines YOU. Neither does it matter that what

interests you doesn't interest other things. If you don't

like something about yourself then don't be afraid to

change it. We can all change and improve for the

better, but it's important to do it for yourself and not for

others.

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45.

We all have the right to be right and theright to be wrong

Government Minister Peter Dunne sent me these

comments. “It was drummed into me at school that

free will is what distinguishes humanity from the

animals, and that it is the most precious gift we

possess. Free will also leads to the tolerance of

diversity and the humility of accepting none of us

knows everything.”

It makes one unalterably liberal (in the true sense of

that word) in outlook. As James K Baxter said in one

of his poems in Jerusalem Daybook, "Teach other

ignorant people what you in your ignorance think you

know best, but gently, brother, gently..." So while I

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hold my own views, passionately, for example, the

belief in free will leads me almost unerringly to try to

see the other person's point of view. No-one is ever

100% right and no-one is 100% wrong, so the truth

must lie between the extremes.

So often we are quick to condemn and criticise other

people’s opinions. As Peter points out it really is

important to see the other person's point of view by

walking in the other person’s shoes and seeing the

problem from their perspective. That doesn't mean

you need to agree, it just means to take the time to

listen to their argument even if it seems extreme,

because you don't always know the background of the

person.

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46.

Respect your elders?Most people have been told all their lives to respect

their elders. I haven't always agreed with that

statement. While it is important to have respect for all

people and to show kindness, if people are not

deserving of respect, because of their actions then

they should not receive it. Respect is something that

doesn't come of right, and has nothing to do with age.

It must be deserved. Never forget our elders have

done much for us though. Many went to war to ensure

your freedom and the life you live today. These older

people have much we can learn from in terms of their

experience, wisdom and knowledge. There is no point

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in re-inventing the wheel and, given a little respect,

they are usually happy to part with some of their

advice to help us make our way in life. Don't forget,

one day you will be an elder, how do you want to be

treated?

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47.

What's it worth?

Your home is usually the most valuable asset you

own. Quite often we get fixed ideas about what it is

worth, when the time comes to sell. I can remember

when I sold my very first home. I had paid $18,000 for

it and when the time came to move on I thought I

would ask the exorbitant price of $30,000. It sold

straight away and I had two people wanting it. Maybe

my asking price was too cheap when I sold my home?

My suggestion is always to get three real estate

agents to give you an estimate. I would also highly

recommend getting a registered valuation from a

registered valuer. Most valuers will give you a short,

market price valuation, which will be cheaper than a

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full mortgage valuation. Registered valuers base their

valuations on solid evidence and don't have any

vested interest in how much your property sells for.

Real Estate agents do, because they get paid a

commission, and their homework is not always based

on sound research.

Even when I have only had one interested buyer, I

have sent the agent away, because I was “waiting for

an offer from another agent”. Funny how quickly they

come back at the full price from their initial offer.

This is also a good reason not to put your property on

a sole agency. It stops you from using this technique

because if the property is on a sole agency, this agent

will be aware of any other offers in their company as

this is their obligation.

When selling your home tell the agent nothing. They

are always trying to find out your true motivation, as

this informs them if your price will be more negotiable

or not. You don't want to give them ammunition.

Remember also that the time to be buying a house is

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when everyone is selling and the time to be selling is

when everyone is buying, if your situation allows.

Never buy into the fallacy that real estate agents will

always try to get you the best price possible, because

they get more commission when they do. The fact of

the matter is they want a sale. If you drop your price

by $10,000 this affects their commission by as little as

a few hundred dollars. Not much to them but $10,000

is a lot to you!

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48.

Stress

The World Health Organization predicts that in 20

years time, stress will be the second biggest cause of

death worldwide. Some people will say good health is

the most important thing to have in life. After all, if you

don't have good health then you can't enjoy all life has

to offer. That makes you wonder though, given the

rise of obesity and the ill effects it causes. One of the

ways to improve your life is to remove as much

unneeded stress as possible. Some physicians tell us

stress is the secret killer in our society. Stress can be

psychological or physical and weakens our immune

system, leading to poor health. Stress can also bring

on behaviour problems like addiction, which leads to

other serious problems. There are many aspects to

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life which bring on stress. It can be caused by finance,

marital problems, our jobs, kids, bereavement or

simply trying to do too much at once. Do what you

can to remove the causes of stress from your life or

get help to overcome them. Many years ago when my

parents divorced it was an emotional time for me. I

can remember being at my local GP for a minor

problem. I mentioned things weren't going too well

and that I was finding my parents’ separation difficult.

He referred me to the local base hospital where I met

with a counsellor.

Having someone who was totally unbiased helped me

immensely. Don't be afraid to ask for help and seeing

a trained counsellor is nothing to be embarrassed

about.

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49.

'Tis better to have loved and lost...

Life can be so funny. One day you meet a girl and the

next you're married with 3.2 children and have a

mortgage around your neck. Then the day after you

find yourself divorced and wondering if you ever did

love this person you thought was so wonderful. Love

can be a wonderful thing and it took me most of my

life to find it, a long time after my divorce. When you

finally meet the person who ticks all the boxes and

really floats your boat on all levels, life can seem so

fulfilling. People say, “It's better to have loved and lost

than never to have loved at all”. At least I don't have

to go through the rest of my life wondering what love

really is. To lose a loved one through either separation

or death can be and is usually a catastrophic event for

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everyone. Finding a way through it can be so difficult.

Sometimes you just have to accept that things

happen for a reason and sometimes we never know

the reason. Adopting this attitude, whether it is right or

wrong, can help you get through the trials and

tribulation life throws at us all.

As my friend Rick McKinley once said to me, “It has

taken me two broken marriages, with much expense

and grief, to finally find the woman of my dreams. The

journey was worthwhile and I would do it all over

again just to have her in my life.

Unfortunately, there are no rules and guidelines to find

the perfect mate. We choose one in our twenties and

maybe have grown in different directions by our

thirties, and so on. Young people today are waiting

longer before they marry and I think that’s a step in

the right direction. Ultimately though, we have to trust

our instincts and follow our hearts - and hope we have

chosen well.”

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50.

Trust Funds

Setting up a trust fund can be advantageous,

particularly when buying a home. If your wealth is in a

trust fund it is protected from creditors, gold digging

future spouses and the government, so long as it is

done properly and before it is needed. Just imagine if

you hit the latest Mercedes when you are out driving

only to find your car insurance expired a month prior

and you forgot to renew it! Or what if you find you

have to go into a nursing home, but the government

makes you sell your home to pay for it when others

who haven't worked hard like you to get one, get a

subsidy. In different countries there can also be tax

advantages to having a trust, but this is beyond the

scope of this book to discuss. Some people also

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adopt the philosophy “If I die the kids can have it all”.

Do you really want to leave it to your kids though only

to have a low-life, good-for-nothing partner of one of

them take half of it?

Setting up a trust doesn't have to be an expensive

exercise and doesn't even need to involve an

accountant or lawyer to set one up, although it is

advisable. It's not enough simply that you form a trust

and transfer assets to it. It’s essential the trust is

properly administered, records are kept and that the

trust assets are dealt with according to the terms of

the trust. If this is not done then the trust could be

held to be invalid through investigations by the Inland

Revenue Department or some other creditor,

including Government departments. Most lawyers use

a fairly standard document when setting up a trust,

but do search the Internet for some examples and

word your own to suit your needs.

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51.

The secret to life

The secret is there is no secret. As Annette King, a

former government Minister told me, “There is no one

lesson I've learnt in life but a series of experiences

that have moulded me - separation, sole parenthood,

deaths, births, illness, remarriage, losing an election”.

If there is one secret, then in my mind, it is simply to

be happy. Although this begs the question of what is

happiness? To me it is doing things that make you feel

good about yourself and achieving goals that make

you feel good. Why go through life being unhappy

with your lot? It is easier said than done, but if you

aren't happy with your lot then make some changes

and find out what makes you happy. That doesn't

mean buying stuff either. I don't know where I heard it,

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but I have said this over and over to my kids... “If you

buy stuff, what do you end up with? - stuff all!” If you

are searching for happiness in possessions then you

will never find happiness. There is more to it than that.

People say money makes the world go round, but

people are what make the world worth living in. We all

get caught up running around like headless chickens

trying to make money and get ahead, and that's

important but the opportunity to spend time with those

we care about is even more important. I read this

once... “Most of us instinctively feel that happiness is

out there in an external person, place or object.

However, no matter what we have or how much we

have, we are perpetually dissatisfied. Similarly, we

often believe if we just follow others’ wonderful advice,

not only would our problems cease, but also the world

would be a better place. Unfortunately, this is not the

case. Each of us is unique, no one in the world is

exactly like us. We have many faces when dealing

with stress and therefore various moods.”

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52.

Distinguish between friendsand acquaintances

Rick McKinley also said to me, “As we travel life's

journey, I reckon we are lucky if we have a couple of

really close friends; exceptionally lucky if we have four

or five. Friends who really care about you and would

be 'there for you' in a time of crisis. There are a bunch

of people we have worked with once, play sport with,

or chat to on the bus. These are valued friends too,

but in reality they are acquaintances we have met

along the way. In mixing with such friends I am often

disappointed at their lack of interest in ME. I might ask

them what they've been up to, or how their family is,

only to find no reciprocation at all. Zilch. Not really

interested in anyone much, but happy to talk about

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themselves. As I get older I have begun to realise how

important really good friends are, and to concentrate

on seeing more of the people I really care about, and

know care about me.”

Maori MP Georgina te Heuheu reminded me of an old

Maori saying:

He aha te mea nui o te ao?

He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.

What is the most important thing in the world?

It is people, it is people, it is people.

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