Psychology 301Social Psychology Lecture 21,

Nov 18, 2008Attraction and Attraction and RelationshipsRelationships

Instructor: Cherisse SeatonInstructor: Cherisse Seaton

OverviewDefining Intimacy & LoveTheories of LoveWhy relationships? Evolutionary

perspectiveMaintaining close relationships:

Social Exchange Theory

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Readings for this sectionAronson et al. Chapter 9

ReviewII. Relationships

SimilaritySelf-disclosureSatisfactionEnding

What Defines a Close Relationship?

Different types:FriendsRomantic partnersParentsChildrenSiblings

Interpersonal attraction: The positive attitude that we form about another person.

Love versus liking: Quantitative Vs Qualitative difference

Unidimensional: Heider

LOVE Liking Neutral DislikeHATE

Distinct:Freud:

love = sublimated sexual desireMaslow:

love = stems from self-deficienciesRubin (1973)

Distinct – overlapping

LoveThe movement from close relationships to

romantic relationships involves greater interdependence and intimacy.

Love appears to come in several varieties that arise in different ways and have different consequences.

How many kinds of love are there?

In fact, there are quite a few kinds of love . . .

LoveHatfield and Walster (1981)

Two major kinds of love:1.Companionate love2. Passionate love

Distinction between these two

Companionate loveDefinition:

“The feelings of intimacy and affection we feel for another person about whom we care deeply”

FriendshipFamilial love High level of likingMutual respect Care

Passionate LoveDefinition:

“The feelings of intense longing, accompanied by physiological arousal, we feel for another person; when our love is reciprocated, we feel great fulfillment and ecstasy, but when it is not, we feel sadness and despair”

Characteristics:Intense pain and pleasure Preoccupation Idealize High arousal

Gender & LoveMen:

Fall in love more quickly than women.

Are more likely to endorse romantic beliefs such as ‘true love lasts forever’.

Women:Hold a more practical,

friendship-based orientation to love (i.e. a companionate view of love).

Close RelationshipsThe movement from casual to close

relationships involves the development of interdependence.

The first close relationships develop in the family and set the stage for the relationships that we will form throughout our lives.

John Bowlby’s Theory of John Bowlby’s Theory of Attachment RelationshipsAttachment Relationships

Infants have two competing needs: The need for safetyThe need to explore

There must be an evolutionary mechanism that provides a balance between these two needs

This mechanism is attachment“Attachment” is a pre-wired, biological mechanism

that is best understood in an evolutionary contextAttachment to parents provides the infant with a

secure base

Patterns of Infant AttachmentPatterns of Infant AttachmentSecure

Use the attachment figure as an effective secure base from which to explore the world.

AvoidantAnxious about the attachment figure's

responsiveness and have developed a defensive strategy for managing their anxiety.Bartholomew splits category into:

FearfulDismissive

AmbivalentBoth anxiety and mixed feelings about the

attachment figure are readily observable.

Attachment RelationshipsAttachment RelationshipsOur earliest developmental experiences allow us to

form two working models--one about the self and another about other people.

The working model about the self reflects our basic feelings of self-worth or self-esteem.Model of self = the self as worthy of love and

supportThe working model about others reflects our basic

beliefs involving interpersonal trust.Model of others = other people are seen as

trustworthy and available vs. unreliable/rejecting

Romantic attachment styles vary along these two dimensions

Romantic Attachment StylesRomantic Attachment Styles MODEL OF SELF

(Dependence)

Positive (Low)

Negative (High)

Positive (Low)

SECURE Comfortable with

intimacy and autonomy

PREOCCUPIED Preoccupied with

relationships

MODEL OF OTHER (Avoidance)

Negative (High)

DISMISSING Dismissing of

intimacy Counter-dependent

FEARFUL Fearful of intimacy Socially avoidant

The Four Romantic The Four Romantic Attachment StylesAttachment Styles

Secure (47%) = a sense of worthiness (lovability) plus an expectation that other people are generally accepting and responsive.

Preoccupied (14%; F > M) = a sense of unworthiness (unlovability) combined with a positive evaluation of others.

Fearful (21%)= a sense of unworthiness (unlovability) combined with an expectation that others will be negatively predisposed (untrustworthy and rejecting).

Dismissing (18%; M > F) = indicates a sense of love-worthiness combined with a negative disposition toward other people.

Types of LoveHenrick & Henrick’s “wheel of love”

Eros -- emotionally intense

Ludus -- selfish love; practiced as a game

Storge -- friendship love

Mania – possessive, dependent love

Pragma -- practical love

Agape -- selfless, sacrificing love

Aspects of Romantic Love:Aspects of Romantic Love:Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of LoveSternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Sternberg claims that different types of relationships are based on different combinations of three qualities: Intimacy – warmth, closeness and sharing of self Passion – an intense emotional response to another person Commitment – the decision to maintain the relationship

Different combinations of the three results in seven different ‘forms’ of love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of LoveSternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of LoveSternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

The components of Sternberg’s model change in level over time, accounting for the changing nature of love in most long-term relationships.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?Evolutionary psychologists (e.g., Buss & Schmitt, 1993)

argue that “love” is just an adaptation to insure survival of the species. It keeps parents together to provide protection of offspring who require a lengthy period of development before they can fend for themselves.

According to this view, men and women have quite different mate selection strategies that can be detected today in their views about sexual relations, desirable features in a mate, and infidelity.

Genetic or evolutionary ‘fitness’ = reproductive success (ability to pass on genes)

Human behaviour adapted to maximize reproductive success

Evolutionary perspectiveWe behave in ways to further the existence of

our offspringFor women, reproduction is more demandingFor men, reproductions is much less

constrainingLeads to different types of mate preferences

How do the different evolutionary concerns of men and women affect their attitudes about sex and love?

How many sexual partners do you desire?

Buss & Schmidt (1993)

How do the different evolutionary concerns of men and women affect their attitudes about sex and love?

How important is good financial prospects in a mate?

How do the different evolutionary concerns of men and women affect their attitudes about sex and love?

How important is physical attractiveness in a mate?

Gender and the Personal Columns

Males Females

Offer Seek SeekOffer

Money

Status

Career

Young

Physically attractive

Physical attractiveness

Money

Job information

Personality traits (e.g., sincerity)

InfidelityNational surveys

indicate extramarital infidelity in 20-25% of American marriages (Atkins et al., 2001).

Men – more likely sexual; women more likely ‘love affair’ (emotional)

Sexual Vs. Emotional InfidelityBuss et al. (1992): Jealousy and Distress

Sexual Vs. Emotional Infidelity

Buss et al. (1992)Physiological

correlates

Maintaining close relationshipsJealousy caused by infidelity

One of the most damaging issues for a relationshipOne of the most difficult problems to treat in

therapy; although therapists estimated 50-65% of couples undergo therapy as a result of infidelity (Atkins et al., 2001)

Other issues:Existence of low rewards and high costs.Inequity in relationship (E.g., Equity theory)

What (other) theories explain why people maintain relationships?

Social Exchange TheoryDefinition:

How people feel about their relationships depends on: Their perception of the rewards and costs of the relationship. The kind of relationship they deserve. Their chances of having a better relationship with someone

else.

Based on the Max-Min principle

People seek to maximize their benefits and minimize their costs

A relationship is more satisfying the more rewards and fewer costs it entails

Social Exchange TheoryRewards: All positive things that a close

relationship offers people. These are all of the reasons why somebody would want to be in a relationship.

Costs: All of the downsides to a relationship. These are all of the reasons why somebody would not want to be in a relationship.

Outcome: The difference between the rewards and costs of a relationship.

Outcome = Rewards - Costs

Social Exchange TheoryAdditional factors that influence one’s

interpretation of the outcome:

Comparison level (CL): The standard against which the outcome is compared

Comparison level alternative (CLalt): A person’s expectations about his or her other alternatives.

• Costs (Inputs)

• Benefits (Outputs)

• Comparison Level (e.g., a standard)

• Comparison Level for Alternatives

Loss of freedom, $, time, etc.

Companionship, sexual fulfillment, etc.

Other person in a relationship, yourself in the past, an ideal

Evaluation of the value of other partners

Social Exchange Theory

Social Exchange Theory:The investment model

Rusbult (1983)The investment model suggests that people’s

commitment to a relationship depends on:Their satisfaction with the relationship in

terms of rewards, costs, and comparison level for alternatives.

How much they have invested in the relationship that would be lost by leaving it.

The investment model argues that commitment (C) to a relationship is determined by satisfaction (S) with the current relationship, investment (I) in the current relationship, and the availability of attractive alternatives (A) to the current relationship.

Social Exchange Theory:The investment model

Social Exchange Theory:The investment model

The investment model explains why people will sometimes remain (High Commitment) in unhappy (Low Satisfaction) relationships. Low alternatives may keep a person in an unhappy

relationship just because there is nowhere else to goHigh investments create a situation of psychological

entrapment. The trapped person stays to justify the past investments. More may be invested in the relationship to try to make it better, but that escalates the need to remain to justify those investments. What theory explains this?

Social Exchange Theory: The investment model

Rusbult (1983)

CommitmentPersonal dedication

Motivation to maintain or enhance a relationshipConstraint commitment

Negative factors that keep a relationship goingMoral commitment

Based on sense of obligation

Factors that impact commitmentInvestments of time, money, energy, and emotions in the

relationshipThe availability of alternatives

Commitment & “mate poaching”: The availability of alternatives

Schmidt (2004)N = 16,00053 countriesMate poaching:

Approx 20% of long-term relationships begin when 1 or both partners are involved with others

Attempted to

poach

Succumbed

Men 62% 47%

Women 40% 32%

In Summary,Although “love”, or at least commitment, may have

evolved to insure protection of offspring that required a lengthy period of development, today it is influenced by a large number of situational and cultural factors.