Principia Dysnomia CHUNK2

8/13/2019 Principia Dysnomia CHUNK2

1/17

Fanatical,

Fundamentalist

Discordians5ne would think those three words should never go

together. The entire concept of 3iscordianism seems to

be the e(act opposite of fundamentalism. !n fact, itwould seem that being fundamentalist about such a

religion of 3iscordianism would be the worst thing you

could ever do.

$or that reason alone ! propose that everyone do it.

!'ve done it. A long time ago ! used selfprogramming

techniques !'d found by reading #obert Anton +ilson

books, and brainwashed myself into firmly believingthat there is a ?oddess named Eris, and she is the

one and only ?oddess.Since doing this, !'ve been happier with whatever

the world throws at me. 0ou can too. 9illy ?raham wrote in The Cey to


2/17

$*( FI+#$ )*,+)* -F(+I# F,"DA2("$AI#$#

I" A2(+I)A 0+-)AI23

@ America is the first step towards a global

empire.

A one world government will allow easier

global travel and spending.

& Canye +est and Aaron %c?rudder have

been contacted by Eris, disguised as a

character relevant to their personal

mythologies, and has told them truths about

the operations of the American government

and it's plan for a ?lobal empire.F !t is the duty of all 3iscordians to get our

religion accepted by the American

government before it becomes an empire.

G B5 *5T35?S 5B $#!3A0 5#

*5T35? 9DBS 5B $#!3A0444


3/17

/eality is merely an illusion, albeita very persistant one.0

-Albert Einstein/eality is the leadin! cause o" stressamon!st those in touch with it.0-Jane Wagner/eality is somethin! you rise above.0

-Liza Minelli/eality is a crutch "or people whocan1t cope with dru!s.0-Lily Tomlin

/eality is that which, when you stop

believin! in it, doesn1t !o away.0-Philip ! "i#$

ohmyeris.com has

been moved to

ohmyeris.blogspot.com

we'll open the

regular site

back up when we

have the money

penis

blogs are free

popes are poor


4/17


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8/17

The Amien Di"ies Ch#$e" III/A %a,tionary tale0/

As recollected -y

E Lt %r 1AA %haplain 2ope

Ass-a-y !T3)&o"VE I #S%A h%mle commander and $"eche"o%s serant of

!ones-oro4s 5o,se of Eris4 Science and Fnord

%ommittee4s primary operational organ +ithin

the m,ch*fa-led L))6

Thee L)) -attalion $7 of !5ESF%88Thee L)) -attalion $7 of !5ESF% seres the L)) at large as little

more than a large*scale 9tr,ck stop: styled comple;. For the &rand

%aptain4s pleas,re< the -attalion4s amenities incl,de6 =$>> s?ft of

aaila-le office space +ith ,p*to*date net+orking capa-ilities at all

pre*designated stations< a @' min,te del,;e hand s,-marine +ash

and $7 point serice inspection< a place to get a hot sho+er and a

good c,p of !oe< f,ll hook,ps for 9recreational ehicles< 9 ario,s

state*approed gam-ling machines< a hairc,tting parlor< a -ey of

amena-le harlots< and< of co,rse< a chapel replete +ith a colossalgolden apple< al+ays prepared for L)) initiation rit,als.

Its distinction as a 9+ay*station: earns Bt.$7 a rather non*e;cl,sie

position +ithin the ast net+ork of 9second*tier: socio*military-,siness*

camp*prison*styled food*and*lifestyle*serice comple;es

,tilized ,niersally -y larger< more po+erf,l< 9first*tier:

organizations +ho p,rs,e one or the other form of glo-al con?,est

or +ho are at least o,t to -e first in line to take a s+ipe at the

m,ltiple piles of tangi-le post*rapt,re goodies +hich are -o,nd to -e

lying a-o,t ,ng,arded once the ah+eh*ites eent,ally +rap ,ptheir eer*intensifying and -r,tally self*f,lfilling doom tripC.

egarding h,man reso,rces and Battalion $74s means of operation

+ithin its gien frame+ork< ?,eries as to protocol are ?,ite easily

addressed. 2rimary operations< ,s,ally occ,rring at the -ase*=> leelDC designees into one of '

classes. The designees are then f,rther diided and designated< +ith

an appropriate =( digit -inary se?,ence -eing assigned to each

designee. This se?,ence< +hen cross referenced +ith the charts

proided -y the "perations Task %ommittee "T%C at Fnord< +hich

detail the dynamics of the 92an*%onifer*Lehey Acceleration 1odel of

5,man Indignity -ase => addend,mC


9/17

or the other designee< +ith special spirit,al g,idance -eing gleaned

from the original series of =( initializing memos and directies.

pper diision designees are enco,raged to operate at ma;im,m

efficiency in order to sec,re proper stocking and necessary

completion of collated re?,est forms = thro,gh ' as a co,rtesy to o,rSage to ins,re that +hen the -eloed Leif Ericson does eent,ally

come to rest on the shores of Arkansas< her captain is met +ith only

the finest of forms filled< collated< and car-on copied to diision.

The remaining designees are eaten or sold< depending on their

relatie al,e on the open market.(All of this is because of those JAC!""#$% over in division ops. &ou 'now what I$mtal'ing about ob "h* yeah* did you get that thing I sent you+ ,o+ ,o* not that* that one-&eah* yeeeah !ith the bunnies Isn$t that ust too much man+)

BT T5EG000 H&'(() O#en $h*ne e*es n+ $h*ne e"s n+ ll $o

$he ls$ o $h*ne lil- ne%"l "ece#$o"s m* ello.

ssoci$es o $he LDD, n+ #"e#"e $h*ne

."eness o" $he #"$kin/ in o $he #e"ce#$ion o

*e$ no$he" P#l +ec"ee!!!+ell, okay, not so much a decree per se as an anticdote. 9ut

!'m the


10/17

having been addressed, ! submit to you that this unusual

sched,le -y +hich I am c,rrently constrained keeps me on

my toes in some ways, and perhaps grants a bit of perspective

on the whole shindig in general. At the least, it's interesting.!ndeed, there are times when, combined with the regular

regimen of mind1altering substances ! sometimes like to

maintain, this out1of1kilter timetable of mine finds me in

some less1than1usual predicaments. 5n this sunny

+ednesday morning in early spring, with a doctorrecommended

dose of the prescription sleep aid Ambien 2ust

slipping through the walls of my capillaries and into my

blood1stream -bi2 groot,/ ! am reminded of 2ust one suchpredicament.

To turn a bit of literary cheese, it was a morning not

unlike this one on which the events ! am about to put to paper

came to pass. ! had returned to my warm and cozy cave at

around I6&>am 7ST, after another listless and, as is a regular

consequence of my button1and1meter1saturated work

environment, slightly unreal night at work. Bot having been

in the happiest or healthiest of mental states during thisperiod of my life, my post1work mornings regularly found me

seeking escape from my depressive malaise through a variety

of chemical avenues. A good fellow by the name of Erby

down at the sliding1scale mental health care place from

which ! regularly attempt to secure a variety of helpful

prescriptions had recently made available to me an

unfortunately small monthly supply of Ambien, a

prescription sleep1aid with growing popularity among young

drug enthusiasts, in order to offset the difficulty of my

-sleepytime/ being between the hours of Kam and Gpm.The

-growing popularity/ to which !'ve made reference e(ists,

primarily, due to the fact that the prescription sleep aid

Ambien, as alluded to in the drug's advertising catch1phrase,

truly does work much like a dream. 9y which ! mean to say

sometimes the actions one undertakes while under the drug'sinfluence seem entirely unrealL unconstrained by any of the

recognized laws of man or nature. $urther, it seems as

though any number of rationally undesirable or practically


11/17

impossible undertakings are not only desirable andJor

practical, but indeed are sanctioned by a will beyond one's

own control, and free in all ways to be carried out without

consequence. Entirely without consequence. So much so, infact, that great numbers of persons under the influence of this

drug have been known to engage in all sots of bizarre and,ne;plaina-le acts< myself -eing one s,ch case. Indeed< I4e

come closer to e(periencing true ego1death during intense

Ambien e(periences than through e(periences with any other

psychedelic or disassociative !'ve ingested, and !'ve pretty

much run the gamut on both of those fronts. 9ut, ! digress.

! had returned home and was in a rather foul mood, soa disassociative cocktail was 2ust what the ol' doctor ordered.

! decided to combine Gmg of Ambien with IGmg of the

over1the1counter drug diphenhydramine hcl, commonly used

as an antihistamineJsleep aid. This drug is included in a

number of 5T7 products, probably most prevalently in the

form of the allergy medication 9enadryl, and is a rather

en2oyable disassociative in higher H@G>mg M doses.

*owever, given the relatively low dose ! took, ! 2ust hadimagined it would add a pleasant e(tra bit of weirdness to my

Ambien e(perience. This turned out to be something of an

understatement.

Bow, Ambien is known among -users/ to have a sideeffect

of inducing a nearly amnesiatic state, and

diphenhydramine also makes ones memory foggy, so my

memories of the events that transpired that morning only

e(ist in a -snap1shot/ fashion. ! remember smoke, and dust,

and nearly passing out from the fumes of plastic. 9urning

plastic +hat's burning 5h, it's the racquetball in the

microwave. +hat the fuck +hy is the air so thick with dust

3usty. Smoke. +hy can't ! see anything !'ve been

shooting the fire e(tinguisher 9ut there's no fire4 !

remember pulling the pin out, and 2ust spraying the thick

plumes of dust wildly and gleefully around the kitchen,coating the already filthy dishes in a thick coat of what, at

this moment appears to be the ashes of burned bodies circa K1

@@. ! only become aware of what is happening in the


12/17

microwave when the air becomes so thick with flameretardant

dead1people dust, the acrid smoke of the melting

racquetball H! have no idea how long it was in there, and the

smoke from the burning t1shirt Hin which the racquetball hasunderstandably been wrapped that ! can't breathe, and !

nearly pass out.

!n my underpants and a t1shirt, ! remove the

smoldering mess from the microwave, and go to my

backyard, where ! place it on my small bar1b1q grill Hthis is

happening at about @>am in a residential neighborhood, and

may e(plain why some of my neighbors won't make eye

contact +ith meC. The thick green smoke from the rac?,et-allis pouring out of a small opening which has been burned in

the t1shirt, and is so no(ious that ! nearly vomit. ! remember

thinking the whole affair looked like a dragons face. ! close

the grill, leaving the racquetball and t1shirt to fend for

themselves, and return indoors. Dnfazed by the racquetballJtshirt

affair, ! return to my business with the fire e(tinguisher,

going on to give every room in my house at least a good

dusting, with the kitchen and living room bearing the brunt ofthe damage.

!t took about a month for my slack1rich ass to

completely clean up this mess, and every time ! think it's all

gone ! find more dust hiding under something or the other in

my kitchen. ! still have no idea what original impulse set off

the events, or why microwaving a racquetball would require

that it first be wrapped in a t1shirt, but ! have since decided to

never again mi( two disassociatives without having some

supervision to insure that ! don't burn my house down. !

write this decree as a warning that you must, each of you,

double the dose of each drug ! took in this e(periment. Then,

as the first Dnincorporated


13/17

little ones, and swallow those pills, the good Engineer is

gonna take you on a motorbike climb to the mountains of

%D1%D4444444 AB3 A+A0000 +E PQScatola di

spremuta Htali che ho notato una scatola di spremutaR nelloscomparto dell"immondizia durante la pulizia in su del

debacle, di ! knotice ora una scatola dello stesso 2usice che

cacompanying nei miei momenti di sete1queling del liber in

su dalla parte una'' ?555U5544444444444444444444

L

)elcome To2222222222AAAuu34p45411LAG)


14/17

SCRID 0"om The Me$cl*smi Disco"+i%ome wee's ago* I had a dream in which I heard the word /scrid/. I didn/t 'now what it

meant so I as'ed people 0on principiadiscordia.com forums1 if they had heard of the

word. 23," suggested that it was a well educated s4uid...and thus /a scrid/ appearedin the bar and has* as e way is with these things* developed a life of its own./5he scrid/ is the 0"pen ar/s1 pet and helps serve drin's. 6e spent the day being

6orab* went camping with 23," and dressed up in a corset to learn 3al/s coffeema'ing s'ills. 7urthermore* while he cannot spea'* he is a very proficient guitarist and

pianist. If you thin' of him as a highly evolved cephalopod* living in a bar with thepersonality of a friendly 2abrador dog* you/d be in the right ball par'.8ope 5.3angrove9:II

S%I) AGTS "00000

T" S5T T5E F%# 200Ces< that is correct. The Scrid is sick of yo,r constant Ja--er. o, and

yo,r -,llshit I1s< and f,cking LieJo,rnals< and BL"&S0 ST"2

BL"&&IG& I&5T G" " T5E S%I) ILL %"1E T" "

5"SE AG) EAT "00 The scrid gro+s tired of yo,r -,llshit. Sh,t the

f,ck ,p and go make me a sand+ich. "n the good -read. Gone of that

+hite -read -,llshit. o, kno+ I hate that shit -,t yo, keep on f,cking

getting it and f,ck00 Go+< nim-le fingers that dance on n,m-ers

ill eat yo,r children and steal yo,r th,nder hile heay torsos thatheae and h,rl ill cr,nch like n,ts in the mo,ths of s?,irrels00 I hate

yo,r oice< and I hate the +ay yo, only half raise yo,r hand< like yo,4re

so laid -ack. !,st sh,t ,p0 S5T 2 G"00 I 5ATE " AG) I AGT

" T" S5T 2 " )IE00 Go one likes a f,cking cry-a-y< so J,st stop.

o, of all folks kno+ +hat happens +hen people decide they +ant to

e;periment on h,man -eings< +hen they +ant to take yo,r life and ,se it

as a tool. o, goddamn motherf,cking sonofa-itch. o, dirty< filthy

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Principia Dysnomia CHUNK2