How to Make your

Marriage Great…

Bhie kelan kaba mag a

I’DO?

I’DO agad agad? Di ba

pwedeng propose muna??

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage.

Marriage

Marriage is less valued today than ever before. Marriage and the way we view it today, differs greatly from the past. Couples no longer have to be married to a family. My views and opinions on marriage and its meaning have changes considerably. Marriage isn’t necessarily less valued, necessarily less values, it’s just viewed differently. The fact that the divorce has doubled in the last twenty years could lead to believe that marriage isn’t important to the couple anymore. Instead of persevering and working at married life, people are more frequently choosing to end their relationship.

Most of the couple’s here in the Philippines didn’t have very good training on how to be a great marriage partner. They only learned by observing their parents and watching couples on TV sitcoms. Few of them had adequate pre-marital counseling, if any at all. So they have learned to fight about chores, control each other with guilt, give each other the silent treatment, take each other for granted, and gossip about each other to friends, parents and even our kids. Instead of understanding and appreciating the differences between men and women, wives learned to be offended whenever their husband behaved like a man, and husbands learned to be irritated whenever their wife behaved like a woman. 

Based from what I observed and from the data's I’ve gathered here are some ways on

how to make a marriage great.

1. Seek out others who have a great marriage

and learn from them. Ask what they do to keep their

marriage strong. Spend time with them so you can

observe the way they speak to one another. Watch what they do to show each other love. Notice the way they look at each other. (Limit

your time with women who complain about their

husbands and men who can’t stand their wives). 

2. Find out what makes your spouse feel loved. 

Does your wife love it when you surprise her with flowers? Does your

husband enjoy a foot rub at the end of a long day? How does your wife react

when you help out with chores without being asked? Does your

husband smile when you say, "Thanks for going to work today?" Does your

wife well up with pride when you say, "Dinner tastes great, thanks for

cooking"? Does your wife feel like a queen when you drop her off in front

of the mall so she doesn’t have to walk in the cold? Does your husband blush when you compliment him in

front of your friends, family and kids? If you aren’t sure what makes your spouse feel loved, ask! Instead of

keeping score of who worked harder each day, treat each other the way you did when you first fell in love. 

3. Go on dates! 

Do the activities you did that made you fall in love in the first place. The most loving couples I know go on weekly dates, even if—especially if—they have kids. Even if it’s just going out for a cup of coffee, it gives them a chance to slip out of their role as Mom and Dad, and just enjoy each being with each other as husband and wife. 

4. Read a book, see a counselor, or attend a seminar designed to improve your marriage

Insightful books like, The Secrets of Happily Married Women by Dr. Scott Haltzman can transform your marriage! If you struggle with one issue in particular, such as difficult in-laws, read a book so you can learn how to unite as a couple. If you and your wife argue about sex, go to a couples' marriage conference and attend a workshop about how to have a more fulfilling sex life. If you and your wife often disagree about parenting decisions, visit a marriage-friendly therapist who can offer wise advice. 

5. Make your spouse your first priority over your parents, boss and even your kids. 

Every day, you are presented with several choices that either will or will not reflect your priorities. One of my favorite quotes (by Stephen Covey) is, "Anything less than a conscious commitment to the important is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant." Your marriage is important, so make sure to protect it by making wise decisions.

6. Marriage Based on Faith in Jesus Christ

A happy marriage will be more easily developed and maintained upon a firm foundation of faith in Jesus Christ. Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy said:

"A final gospel truth that will contribute to our understanding of and hence the quality of our marriages relates to the degree in which we involve the Savior in our relationships as husbands and wives. As designed by our Heavenly Father, marriage consists of our first entering into a covenant relationship with Christ and then with each other. He and his teachings must be the focal point of our togetherness. As we become more like him and grow closer to him, we will naturally become more loving and grow closer to each other.

7. Keep Stress Levels Low

It's so much harder to react rationally and kindly when we are stressed. Learning how to lower our level of stress, especially in regard to finances, is a great way to have a happy, healthier marriage.

8. Spend time together 

Even ten minutes a day of uninterrupted time to touch base builds connection. Spending more time when available and setting aside time to be together (e.g., date nights) are just as important. The key is being present, focusing only on the person in front of you, to the exclusion of all other distractions. This builds connection and closeness.

9. Listen and support each other 

It is essential to learn how to actively listen to each other and express support for your spouse’s day-today life issues, no matter how small and mundane.

10. Express gratitude 

Remember to say “thank you” for the little things you often take for granted. Even though you expect your spouse to take out the garbage, cook dinner, and pick up the dry cleaning, it is important to express your appreciation as often as possible. If you would do it for a stranger, why not for your spouse? Expressing gratitude increases the positive feelings you will have regarding your relationship.

11. Be kind to each other 

Express compassion and understanding. Learn to listen to your spouse’s pain, validate it and help her stay strong. This is a special kindness that helps your spouse feel that she is not alone. Show your concern by doing the little things that your spouse will appreciate. Go beyond the call of duty and help your spouse without letting her know. Do the things that only you will know are meaningful and appreciated by your spouse.

12. Respond to your spouse 

Never ignore even seemingly trivial conversation with your spouse. Giving each other the gift of attention shows that your partner is important to you.

13. Be influenced Don’t be afraid to listen to your spouse and change

your ideas or opinions on issues big and small. Insisting on your way may feel right at the moment, but that is not healthy for a marriage. Be open to what is important to your spouse. Being right has little value in marriage; making your spouse happy is what counts.

14. Argue respectfully 

Conflict is ubiquitous in relationships, not a sign of trouble. How you argue is the key. You don’t have to yell to be heard. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling destroy marriages. Address the issue, don’t attack the person. Don’t overreact if your spouse is upset; he is probably looking for support, not a fight. If you find yourself being contemptuous of your spouse, it’s time to recall all the positive things about your relationship. If you’re too upset to talk about it at that moment, make a time to continue the conversation; don’t just walk away. Arguing is better than no communication.

15. Make up 

Practice and learn how to fix things during and after a fight. “Love is never being afraid to say I’m sorry.” Using humor, changing the subject and avoiding sensitive issues are all expressions of your concern about the relationship and making sure arguments don’t damage it. Remember, kindness counts.

16. Create rituals 

Create times that are touchstones of your relationship to help keep it healthy—whether it’s bike riding Sunday mornings or going to Starbucks every Thursday night. Couples connect to each other by engaging in rituals, by sharing purposeful activities together.

17. Shared meaning 

Doing meaningful things together makes your relationship more special. You and your spouse should get involved in a chased activity that you both are passionate about. Volunteer to work with developmentally disabled youth or visit the lonely people at the local nursing home. Be adventurous. You’ll both benefit from the experience, and your relationship will blossom.

 

Conclusion:

Every marriage needs help now and then, both during the good times and when things become difficult. Remember that most problems have solutions. Don't ignore the problems and issues in your marriage. If your marriage is in trouble, get started and make the necessary changes together that will help your marriage be a successful, long lasting union.

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LOT TO ME

Thank you for

Listening!!!