Porn-Resilient Relationships · Mentorship Porn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFT. Preparing to Respond Appropriately Take the time you need Get centered Connect with

Porn-Resilient RelationshipsHow Parent Responses Grow Kids Up or Shut Them Down

Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Porn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFT

Context

Porn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFTPorn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFT

Battle pornography/children3

Overreact to exposure 2

Warn children1


The Porn-Reactive Model


Prepare your child2

Cultivate the relationship 1

Navigate exposure4

Manage media 3


The Porn-Resilient Model

Parenting Responses


How to RespondInner Yoda

Tone of:

● Love

● Acceptance

● Curiosity

● Humor

● Mentorship


Preparing to Respond AppropriatelyTake the time you need

Get centered

Connect with support

● Inform

● Process

● Rehearse

“Rough draft”


Parenting Playbook


Porn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFTPorn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFT

GrowingUp

ShuttingDown


The Hammer

The HammerResponse

● Anger

● Punishment

Faulty Rationale

● “If I punish bad behavior, it will go away.”


The HammerEffects

● Fear

● Resentment

● Rebellion or perfectionism

● Sneaking and secrecy

Reason for Reacting

● Anger or control issues

● Discipline was not modeled well growing up


The Line in the SandResponse

● Boundaries

● Setting limits

● Expecting discipline

Rationale

● “Kids thrive when they have structure and protective guidelines.”


The Line in the SandEffects

● Grumbling

● Positive routines

● Healthy development

● Safety

Making the Shift

● Address anger and control issues

● Parenting education


The Guilt TripResponse

● Shaming

● Highlighting how wrong and bad the behavior was

○ Often implying the child is wrong and bad

Faulty Rationale

● “If they feel bad, they will stop.”


The Guilt TripEffects

● Shame

● Withdrawal and avoidance

Reason for Reacting

● Disgust with behavior

● Unsure how else to discourage behavior


The ReckoningResponse

● Questions to encourage reflection and mindfulness

● Helping tune in to corrective feelings

Rationale

● “Heeding guilt and fear can help us change behavior and create safety.”


The ReckoningEffects

● Healthy guilt

● Efforts to make positive changes

● Cooperation and accountability

Making the Shift

● Focus on asking and listening

● Trusting children to reach their own healthy conclusions

● Empathy and emotion education



The Witch Hunt

The Witch HuntResponse

● Retaliation

● Attacking external factors

○ The porn industry

○ A friend or their parents

○ All men, ever

Faulty Rationale

● “I can clear away the contagions so this won’t happen again.”


The Witch HuntEffects

● Embarrassed

● Alone, guilty

● Unsupported, unsure what to do

Reason for Reacting

● Protectiveness

● Feeling an urgency to act


The MovementResponse

● Action to promote changes

○ Individuals

○ Families

○ Communities

Rationale

● “Focused, wise action can improve people and environments.”


The MovementEffects

● Empowered

● Inspired, hopeful

● Belonging and involvement

Making the Shift

● Patience

● Stabilize self and home first

● Discover personal strengths and purpose


The Pact of SilenceResponse

● Avoidance

● No follow-up discussion

Faulty Rationale

● “Talking will just make things more uncomfortable.”


The Pact of SilenceEffects

● Confused

● Permission, “so, was that okay?”

Reason for Reacting

● “Not a big deal”

● Distress intolerance

● Confused about how to respond


The Emperor’s New ClothesResponse

● Dialog

● Begin discussing the uncomfortable issues

Rationale

● “Loving communication is always beneficial. Temporary discomfort is worth it.”


The Emperor’s New ClothesEffects

● Discomfort

● Relief

● Problem-solving skills develop

Making the Shift

● Acknowledge feeling lost or awkward

● Topic education

● Cultivate the relationship



The Sermon on the Couch


The Sermon on the CouchResponse

● Lecturing

● Talking and teaching

○ One-sided conversation

Faulty Rationale

● “If I convince them of their errors, they will change.”


The Sermon on the CouchEffects

● Shame

○ “I’m not enough, I’m not getting it right.”

● Feeling morally depraved

● Annoyance or resentment and avoidance

Reason for Reacting

● Desire to teach

● Afraid of listening and understanding

○ Trying instead to influence through words


The Vision QuestResponse

● Values

● Cultivating standards

● Encouraging conscientiousness with others and with choices

Rationale

● “As my child determines what matters and how they want to conduct their lives,

they will make good choices.”


The Vision QuestEffects

● Maturity

● Better decision-making

● Independence

● Moral development

Making the Shift

● Focus on questions and discovery

● Trust children to anchor into their unique values

● Personality assessments


The Hot MessResponse

● Overwhelming emotion

● Sorrow, fear, and/or anger

○ Emphasis on the parent’s pain

Faulty Rationale

● “If they see how much this hurts me, they will stop.”


The Hot MessEffects

● Shock

● Shame

● Sense of defectiveness and toxicity

● Withdrawal

Reason for Reacting

● Overwhelming emotions

○ Often related to trauma and fear


The White FlagResponse

● Acceptance

● Trust that your child can still be amazing and well even after losing innocence or

struggling

Rationale

● “Encountering darkness and challenge is universal and inevitable. It can lead to

growth.”


The White FlagEffects

● Emotional safety

● Confidence that they can grow

● Worthiness despite mistakes

Making the Shift

● Grieve

● Respond to fears

● Pursue healing


SummaryShut them down

● Strong emotional reactions

● Energy toward them

● Overfocus on fixing

● Parent action

Grow them up

● Hold their emotions with love

● Listen (energy toward you)

● Invite reflection

● Focus on understanding

● Collaborating solutions

● Child action


Assessment & WorkshopFree Porn-Resilient Family Assessment

4-week online workshop

● Cultivate a healthy relationship

● Prepare your child

● Manage media

● Navigate exposure

Visit taylorjchambers.com


Thank youtaylorjchambers.com


Documents

Porn-Resilient Relationships · Mentorship Porn-Resilient Parenting, Taylor J Chambers MS, LMFT. Preparing to Respond Appropriately Take the time you need Get centered Connect with