7/25/2019 PipLad

1/6

Chapter 1

An extra ordinary boy

Extraordinary! Absolutely extraordinary! exclaimed Ebullient.

Are you sure about this? Demurrer mused looking at the hour glass. He doesnt seem

ery extraordinary to mein act " #ould reason he looks ery ordinary$ more ordinary than

most een! Almost %too& ordinary.

" am 'erectly sure he is the one that HE s'oke o$ thank you ery much Demurrer. Ho#eer

" am not sure i HE #as began (redence$ but abru'tly sto''ed as a rather loud crack o

thunder rang out oer head$ #hich elt to (redence like the crack o a #hi' used incorrection.

)he three looked u' briely$ heads bo#ed in a'ology beore turning their ga*e back to the

glass$ and #atching rom a ar a ery$ ery$ extra ordinary boy.

+

Chapter 2

Good days, Bad days

)here #ere good days and bad days$ as one might ex'ect in lie$ yet in the case o ,i' these

things #ere ery black and #hite and oten li' lo''ed #ith no shades o grey in bet#een.

-or exam'le$ that morning #hen he had #oken it had been raining. ot unex'ected in

/ritain$ but or ,i' that meant it #as going to be a bad day. Ho#eer$ on entering the kitchen

he sa# his blue lunch box set out on the #ork to' next to his lask and he smiled. His mother

had made his 'acked lunch. "t might not actually be a bad day at all he thought. 0n closer

ins'ection o said sand#iches$ and more to the 'oint their illingit #as going to be a ery

good day indeed. (hicken$ bacon mayo sand#iches on thick #hite bread. 1hed een 'ut in

a 'acket o cris's and a 'enguin. 2

)he eelings o 3ood day$ bad day interchanged #ith ease so much so that he hardly

noticed anymore$ and although there #ere no 0k days$ or middling days$ the mere act it

did go rom good to bad so oten ineitably did lead to some 0k days. "t #as sim'ly logical.

45 good day eents 'lus 6 bad e7uals a bad day. 8 /ad day eents 'lus 8 good though$

#ould logically een out to being an 0k day. ,i' though only eer thought on the ery last

eent that had ha''ened. "t #as ater all the most releant at that ery moment. He could

hae #on the lottery$ ound out his ne# masseuse #as a ormer and recently diorced

'layboy model #ith a 'enchant or Extra ordinary blokes and he #as her one and only eer

client$ then come home and ind out the 9i&-i had gone o 8 min beore bedtime and think it

#as a bad day.

7/25/2019 PipLad

2/6

2The chocolate bar not the animal. If it had been an animal the day would have

been a very odd day and that cant happen as nothing odd happens in Pips

world.

So, as Pip left the house, blue lunch box in hand, he thought Yes, this is a goodday. Despite the rain, which he had all but forgotten about, that was until he

heard the thunder crack oerhead. !ad day he thought as he opened the car

door and got in. "he thought of it being bad lasted only brie#y though, as it often

did, and #ipped back to good as soon as he started driing. $e%d &ust gotten into

the second chorus of good days reason 'There she goesby Sixpence none

the richer( when suddenly none of that )attered any)ore because what

happened next )ade hi) feel there would de*antly not be +any good days +

eer again.

Swoosh!

Errrrrrrrrrk!

Thud!

Errrrrk!

Bang!

-here the )an had stepped fro) Pip did not know, where he lay, or )ore, where

he +should hae laid, Pip now stared. $e was looking at nothing. ctually that%snot true, he was looking at broken glass, a windscreen wiper and a co)pletely

crushed car bonnet which see)ed to be hanging onto the cars fra)e with all the

will ofJack&ust beforeRose gae wo)en a bad na)e.

/hicken and bacon0 ))) )y faourite. 1h and a penguin0 2ery good indeed3

it%s a bit cru)bly, but it%ll do3

Pip blinked. 4n his state of shock the oice of the )an casually perusing hispacked lunch 'which had shot through the now defunct windshield( didn%t see) +

totally weird at all. Plus, we )ust re)e)ber, in Pips world, nothing can be weird

or odd. 5ust nor)al.

Er yeah3)y )u) )ade it3 Pip stuttered.

-hat%s black and white and red all oer6 "he oice ca)e again.

7/25/2019 PipLad

3/6

Sorry6...-hat36 Pip said blinking once )ore suddenly noticing the scru7y

tweed &acket, welly boots and what appeared to be a green tea cosy sat atop the

head of the )an who spoke with his back to hi).

-hat%s black and white and red all oer6 "he Yorkshire )an said half turningtoward Pip.

Er3not being funny, but 4%) a bit busy at the )o)ent3you know3what with3

Pip started but 8uickly got cut o7

9ewspaper6 1$..$a0 that%s a good un% "he )an laughed, his gri::led face

distorting slightly as he did, his blue eyes the only sign that a face een existed

there and not &ust a heap of cru)pled old leather.

Er3ha, yeah3yeah34%) sorry, but3you know3 Pips world stu)bled out like

those of a baby wanting it%s blanket, slowly and cal)ly at *rst until *nally

erupting into What the fuck is going on??

4%) eating a penguin "he )an said rather )atter of factly. 4 don%t know about

you3

Pip was &ust about to hae another outburst at the nonchalant attitude which

usually would hae )irrored his own when the old ti)er suddenly see)ed to

hae realised the graity of the situation. t least that%s what Pip thought as he

watched hi) co)ically slap hi)self on the forehead. "he words which the old

)an said next howeer Pip did not see co)ing.

1h sorry0 Yeah, yeah 4 know3sorry, you%re dead. 4%) always forgetting not

eeryone%s up to speed on these things.

Pip had )ulled oer the words for what see)ed like a second but due to the

co))otion and #ashing lights now outside the window it )ust hae been a good

;< )inutes, or )ore3a bad ;< )inutes. "he old )an who= was starting to look

ery fa)iliar had *nished the penguin and was on his last bite of the sandwich

before he *nally replied.

1h.

1ne word. 9ot a ery interesting word, not a ery good word, &ust a )iddle of theroad word. >ooking back Pip would hae wished his words to be )ore profound

7/25/2019 PipLad

4/6

and probably )ore profane, but as it was oh would hae to do. 4t was all he

could really )uster. 4 )ean, you try being told you%re dead, and 4 )ean seriously

dead, and see if you can con&ure up the words of the bardor better yet, the late,

great George arlin. Yes, he%d hae had a better word, seen better words in

fact.

"he old )an looked up fro) his pilfering and said in a )ost be)used tone 1h6

4s that it6 9o3no shock or disbelief6 Denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression,

or3what was that other one36

3.!alls3. Pip )uttered to hi)self as the realisation of the situation see)ed to

be sinking in.

9o, that%s not it3 "he old )an said as held the last crust to his lips in thought.

$ope0 "hat%s the one0

Pip wasn%t really listening, he was looking at the radio. "he song had *nished

playing long ago but he suddenly realised the ti)e on it had stopped. ?@AB a).

$e then looked out the window where the #ashing lights and people had been.

"hey were there of course, but the blue lights had stopped #ashing. "hey were in

a state of o7. "he people see)ed to be too.

1h yeah3 the )an said catching Pips ga:e. /an%t continue till we get you outof there. /o)e on lad3up you get.

Pip noticed now a gri::led, cru)b crusted hand being o7ered out towards hi).

$e wasn%t surer why but he took it, and without thought for his seatbelt, or the

fact he was probably pretty )uch broken inside, he lifted hi)self up and out. 9ot

out through the windshield )ind3&ust out through the car. Yup. $e was de*antly

dead. "he lack of actually being told hi) that.

Sorry about the sandwiches. 4 thought we%d be here longer than this. Csuallythere%s that whole wailing, begging what not to go through3oh and then the

whole life #ashing before your eyes, which 4 )ight add, is not a #ash, but a ery

long, expensie, and often boring 4)ax experience. -ell, boring for )e3though

you do so)eti)es get a chuckle. "he things you lot get up to on that inter

webs3tsk tsk, 4 can tell you, the *rst ti)e 4 saw one of those )o)ents it put )e

o7 sala)i and )ayo for life3or er3death. 4 )ean, what on earth would possess

a )an to3 "he old )an didn%t hae to *nish that sentence. $is hand gestures

were 8uite graphic enough.

5ust as he was about to insert an inisible sausage so)ewhere where it should

not go Pip pipped up You%re that !ill 1wen3.aren%t you6

7/25/2019 PipLad

5/6

"he old )an stopped )id inisible sausage Sodo)yand suddenly looked a bit

e)barrassed, a hand co)ing to rub the back of his neck as he shued in his

Compo*welly boots.

Er3.not exactly3see there was a bit of a )ix up, you know3. grubby *nger

pointed skywards, a fact Pip was )ost relieed about as it could hae been

pointing below "era *r)a, and the old )an continued and this was all a bit, you

know3last )inute, and3er3

-hat60 ctually, who the fuck are you6 -ait3it was you0 You were the twat who

ran out in front of )y car0 Pip had started out half chuckling at the absurdity of

the situation, but he then re)e)bered absurdity didn%t happen in his world. 1nly

good, and bad, and this old git had caused so)ething +ery bad indeed.

"o this 8uestion the )an%s de)eanour suddenly see)ed to change, a s)all s)ile

crept across lips lined with cru)bs and white stubble in a )anor Pip )ight hae

described as )aleolent had he not &ust dealt in good and bad3.9o lad, you%re

asking the wrong 8uestion3the wrong 8uestion all together3you should be

asking Who-Am-I?

4 &ust did3 Pip said, staring blankly back at the scru7y little git. -ho are you6

-hateer was going on inside the head, or body3or for)6 1f whateer or

whoeer this )an was, Pips reply see)ed to hae scra)bled the) a bit as the

creepy, )aleolent, doo)sdayses8ue tone and )anor swiftly dropped and it

would see) the old ti)er was now su7ering an internal )anage)ent )eeting.

$is eyes #ickerd and darted 8uickly as though too )any people were trying to

gain control to answer but each was pushed aside as the next arried. inally he

)anaged a reply.

-hat6

-ho are you6 Pip said again, as angry as he%d felt not )o)ents ago he now

felt e8ually a)used.

-e told you3.you%re asking the wrong 8uestion3.you should be asking -ho a)

46

s the )an spoke this ti)e Pip, who wasn%t best known for his powers ofobseration, picked up on so)ething.

7/25/2019 PipLad

6/6

4 &ust did, -ho are you6 -ho are you all6 "o who) is it 4 hae the )isfortune of

speaking to6 a s)ug s)irk pulled to the lips of Pip, but so)ewhere in the back

of his )ind begged the 8uestion3where the hell did that come from4t

was his oice that had spoken those words, but it wasn%t so)ething he%d eer

hae said.

Suddenly the old )an shuddered and the light that had see)ed to die in those

blue eyes beca)e life once )ore. "hey darted back and forth again, but this

ti)e as though looking for so)eone suspiciously. $e didn%t een speak as he

took Pips wrist and with a strength one could only describe as wholly unnatural

for a )an of his stature, age3and hygiene, pulled hi) close.

Pop!

"hey were gone3not that they were eer there in the *rst place, well not

any)ore. "he boy of the once Pip lay there still, but the )uchness of Pip that

)ade hi)3.well3.Pip, was not. nd, where eer they were, and to where eer

they were headed, one thought see)ed to be running through Pips )ind. "his is

a bad day3.