PERVERT COMMUNITY CENTER BY JARRED HODGDON

INT. COMMUNITY CENTER ROOM - DAY

A CLASS is about to start - a smattering of STUDENTS is present, led by VERNA, the teacher. The students vary in ages and have art supplies setup before them.

VERNAWelcome back gang to Crafts 201, the art of collage. For our new students this class is held weekly here at the Cubberly Community Center and is only open to those truly interested in the art of crafts who are prepared to participate in a wholesome “G rated” manner. We have had issue with some questionable materials in the past and I’ll remind everyone this is a community center...not a pervert sex club.

(terse)Good to see you return Keith. We trust you have “G Rated” material today.

We see KEITH, excited and sitting front and center. He looks like a perv.

KEITHHiyyeee. Yes, Ms. Verna. I cut my penis out of all the pictures I brought to class today.

MYRAWhy did he have pictures of his penis, Ms Verna?

Verna buries her head in her hands.

KEITHWell y’see, I wanted to make a frottage collage.

MYRAWhat?! I’m here to learn about collage, but what the heck’s a frottage.

KEITHSimple. Frottage is just the act of sexual rubbing--

VERNAKeith!

KEITH--Y’see I practice Frotteurism. But am a very unique snowflake and prefer inanimate objects exclusively. They call it paraphelia.

Keith proudly holds up the collage he is working on. There are pics of objects like a fire hydrant, a stapler, a tire and a rotary telephone.

KEITH (CONT’D)These are the pics of some of the recent babes I met and had relations with.

MYRAWow! Ms. Verna I wasn’t expecting to learn all about this kinda neat stuff in a community arts and crafts class!

VERNAWe won’t be learning about any of that sort of business. Today I plan to talk about various glue and epoxy technique--

The door opens and TONY, a man in a tiger suit saunters in.

TONYHey, am I early? This is the sewing class right?

VERNANo, that is two rooms down this is the collage class.

TONYOh. Whoops. Y’see I’m a fursuiter, but I need to learn some sewing to help maintain my body and even design myself a new look.

MYRAA fursuiter?

TONYYeah. I get off on having sexual relations in a costume such as this.

2.

VERNASir, please!

TONYYeah, I’ve soiled a lot of areas of this costume and have some patchwork to do.

MYRACool! This is a neat class MsVerna. I’m learning so much!

VERNAMyra, you won’t learn about furry sex here. I need you to leave, Sir.

TONYWhoa, whoa! I may be a tiger but you sure have some claws, lady!

Tony leaves.

VERNANow then class , we can get to work if there aren’t any more perverted interruptions.

(distracted)Barry can you take off your headphones please class started awhile ago.

BARRY lowers the canvas that was blocking his head and we see he has large headphones on.

BARRYSorry Ms. Verna. I can actually hear you fine. These are just noise cancelling headphones for atmosphere.

VERNAI won’t ask why.

BARRY It’s because I experience ASMR. That is Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response - I am triggered towards sexual arousal by certain auditory frequencies.

VERNAI don’t want to hear anymore.

3.

BARRYI found awhile ago that your voice certain qualities and frequencies that really excited me. Problem is it’s just too loud so I have to wear these noise cancelling headphones to better hear you and maintain arousal.

MYRAWhoa. That is sooo interesting!

Verna loses it and starts to sob, crying into her hands.

VERNAI just wanted to share my love of crafting with the community.

At the sight of Verna crying, LINDA stands up and shoves her hand in her pants and begins to vigorously rub around her privates.

MYRAHey, what are you doing?

LINDA I just came for the crafts but now I can’t help myself. I experience Dacryphilia, a sexual arousal to crying.

MYRACool! I love collage!

BLACKOUT

4.