PCI Webinars · 10/2/2019 · It’s Because They... •Were told not to comment •Didn’t think it was their place to speak •Were indifferent to outcome of meeting •Slow thinker

How To Address Passive-Aggressive

Behavior in the Library Workplace

PCI Webinars

Key Idea

Stop Engaging,and Stop Enabling

Passive-Aggressive Behavior 2

It’s Bully Behavior


It’s Bully Behavior

Consciously or unconsciously attempting to intimidate

instead of asking for what you want, with respect,meaning treating otherswith courtesy, as equals.


Outcomes

• Ensure goals, priorities, checkpoints, anddeadlines are set to combat procrastination.

• “Call the game” when co-workers try “coldsilence” tactics or “hit-and-run” attacks.

• Disengage from the effects of micro-insults and other passive, manipulative behaviors.


Agenda

• What’s Passive-Aggressive Behavior?• Where Does It Thrive?• Cleaning House: Building Accountability• Cleaning House: Managing Rumors• Cleaning House: Calling the Game• Typical Mistakes• Resources


Caveat

Everyone has off days.

Refrain from labeling everyinstance of silence or missed

deadlines as “passive-aggressive”.


Caveat

Assume positive intentions:

You may never know Why someone is doing something.

Instead, focus on behavior: The What.


A Different Frame

What if how a person behaves is in part because of how they were treated?

Feeling helpless, ignored, lied to, bulliedoutsider, “token”, forgotten, overruled,

no input, phony input, cancelled projects,put downs, ridiculed, repeated flip-flops,

constant stream of criticism, sarcasm


It’s Because They...

• Were told not to comment• Didn’t think it was their place to speak• Were indifferent to outcome of meeting• Slow thinker and talker; felt overwhelmed• Didn’t know what to say or how they felt• Came from different work culture• Didn’t know they could ask


Agenda


What’s Passive-Aggressive Behavior?

Silent Treatment

• Appears to be upset, but does not use wordsto negotiate or resolve the situation

• Appears to signal displeasure via nonverbalmessages

• Responds with versions of “Nothing is wrong”or “Everything is fine” when asked

• But something is wrong. Everything is not fine.


Silent Treatment

• Not responding verbally to greetings or questions• Not initiating conversations • Responding monosyllabically, aka grunts• Sighing, rolled eyes, shrugged shoulders• Slammed doors and drawers• Snatching papers and rushing away• Behaving in ways that a reasonable, objective

observer might view as “feeling offended”.


Pouting


Meetings

• Whispered side comments in meetings, but denying they said anything when asked.

• Silent during meetings, but complainingto people afterwards.

• Busy hands while people are talking:filling out forms, scribbling, working on their devices, otherwise appearing to be disengaged or disinterested.


Slacking Off

• Not volunteering or stepping up: walkingover the trash, or not speaking to the child or elderly person sitting alone.

• Agreeing to project parameters– deadlines,budgets, levels of quality and completion–but not getting the work done...and not telling you there’s a problem.


Hit and Run


Delays

• ”I didn’t get the email.”• “Why are we here? No one told me.”• “I have not reviewed the budget.”• ”I have some concerns” 5 minutes

before four-hour meeting ends.• “I don’t understand the changes.”


Agenda


Where Does It Thrive?

Caveat

Passive-aggressive behaviorthrives in library workplaces

where supervisors,managers, and leaders

are conflict-avoidant.


Culture

People are not held accountable for:

• Missing deadlines/not following through• Quality slippage, meaning lots of mistakes• Showing up late for shifts• Rude behavior with co-workers and visitors• Last-minute cancellations• Pushing their work onto other people


Walking on Eggshells


Conflict Avoidant

• Hinting something is wrong, meaning...Expecting people to read your mind

• Responding with nonverbals:Serious frown-y face, meaning...Your version of passive-aggressive

• Hoping situation goes away on its own• Abandonment: Ignoring complaints• Undermining attempts to address issue


Agenda


Cleaning House: Building Accountability

Foundations

• Clearly written, specific job descriptions• Supervisors who practice consistent positive

reinforcement and course corrections• Projects with work orders:

Who’s in charge?What’s the goal?What’s the deadline?


Random Audits


Checkpoints

• Create a timeline:Once a week check-in minimum

• What’s the physical evidence of the progress of the task or project?

• If by numbers, is the document how people are evaluated?

• Are checkpoints scheduled as site visits?


Good at Looking Busy


Agenda


Cleaning House: Managing Rumors

Rumors and Gossip

• Undermine trust and respect towardsco-workers and administrators

• Create a ”shadow government” of bullieswho wield illegitimate power

• Damage reputations and ruins careers• Infect library stakeholders with falsehoods• Undermine support for the library


Disengage

Responding to gossip and rumor

“How do you know that’s true?“Let’s check it out!”“Let’s research the problem!”“Let’s talk to the administration.”“This is none of my business.”


Agenda


Cleaning House: Calling the Game

Calling the Game

Take all words literally, but only address behavior.

Stick to physical descriptions.Ignore nonverbal clues except

to clarify the message you think you are receiving.


Call the Game

Are you upset with me, Pat?No, everything is fine.

Thank you, I trust you are telling me the truth. I also trust you will

tell me if anything is wrong.


Agenda


Typical Mistakes

Typical Mistakes

• Reacting emotionally instead of pausing and thinking before responding

• Not holding everyone accountable in a timely fashion when work isn’tcompleted in a satisfactory fashion.

• Not making everyday civility somethingthat is evaluated formally.

• Demonizing and scapegoating people


Resources

• Anything by R. Fisher & Wm. Ury

• Discipline w/o Punishment. D. Grote

• Don’t Shoot the Dog. Karen Pryor

• Anything by Martin Seligman

• Anything by Virginia Satir


Documents

PCI Webinars · 10/2/2019 · It’s Because They... •Were told not to comment •Didn’t think it was their place to speak •Were indifferent to outcome of meeting •Slow thinker