Parenting with a Mental Illness Empowering November 2018...your own needs with those of your child. It involves managing your time, having adequate resources and supporting your child

Parenting with a Mental Health Diagnosis:Empowering ParentsGEOFF WILSON, LCSW, LCADCTHE OFFICE OF PAUL DALTON

One Parents Feedback….

u “I’ve spent most of my life hiding my depression and anxiety, but being a parent makes this so much harder. For one thing, the chronic lack of sleep deflates my mood and heightens my jittery dread. For another, all of my fears have found a perfect vehicle in my child; I’ve gone from being preoccupied with my own death to worrying almost exclusively about his.”

Parenting is Difficult!

u Parenting is a difficult job and a juggling act no matter what. It requires balancing your own needs with those of your child. It involves managing your time, having adequate resources and supporting your child.

u For parents coping with a mental illness, “these issues are amplified,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, psychologist, writer and professor in Pasadena, Calif.

Living with an Illness

u “When you’re living with any kind of chronic or severe illness, like mental illness, diabetes or cancer, there are times when your functioning will be compromised by that illness,” said Joanne Nicholson, Ph.D, a psychologist who directs the Child and Family Research Core of the University of Massachusetts Medical School Center for Mental Health Services Research.

Parenting with a Mental Illness

u Parents with mental illness have the added challenges of decreased energy, irregular sleep, trouble concentrating, sustaining attention, irritability and moodiness — all of which can contribute to a less available parent., J. Nicholson, Parenting Well When You’re Depressed: A Complete Resource for Maintaining a Healthy Family.


u According to Nicholson, research has shown that mothers with depression are less likely to interact with their children in active ways. And this has an “impact on your relationship with your child and capacity to parent,” she said.

u With a lack of stimulation, young kids tend to lag behind in language development, emotional behavior and maturity.

Stigma Still Exists…..Even with the Helpers!

u “Then there was the psychiatrist I saw last year as part of my intake for a cognitive behavioral therapy program. When I told him that I’d had postpartum depression, he looked at me hard and asked if the Children’s Aid Society [social services] had ever been involved. I started tripping over myself, trying to tell him that no, I wasn’t like that, I wasn’t one of those mothers who drowns her kids in the bathtub or whatever. And then I tried to explain that while some mothers with postpartum depression might have intrusive thoughts about injuring their children, that does not mean that they will, in fact, hurt their children. Then I panicked, wondering what he was writing about me on his neat yellow legal pad. Would he call Children’s Aid on me?”


u Service providers and advocates working with families in which a parent has a mental illness have identified a number of challenges faced by their children. For example, children may take on inappropriate levels of responsibility in caring for themselves and managing the household


u Children sometimes blame themselves for their parents' difficulties, and experience anger, anxiety or guilt. Feeling embarrassed or ashamed as a result of the stigma associated with their parents' mental illness, they may become isolated from their peers and other community members


u They may be at increased risk for problems at school, drug use and poor social relationships.

u Children of parents with any mental illness are at risk a range of mental health problems, including mood disorders, alcoholism, and personality disorders.


u Consistency is key for kids, but with the ebbs and flows of mental illness, this also can be compromised. Kids can feel lonely, become confused and blame themselves, according to Michelle D. Sherman, Ph.D, clinical psychologist and director of the Family Mental Health Program at the Oklahoma City Veterans Affairs Medical Center.

Tips for Parents with a Mental Illness

u Engage in treatment. “The best predictor of kid functioning is parent functioning,” Finding My Way: A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has Experienced Trauma and I’m Not Alone: A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has a Mental Illness.

u Even if you don’t want to seek help or get better for yourself, do it for your kids. Model healthy choices. Remember that acknowledging that you need help and seeking help are signs of strength.


u Connect with others. Mental illness can be isolating. But isolation is detrimental to both parents and kids. All the experts emphasized the importance of surrounding yourself with supportive individuals, whether that’s family, a spiritual leader, school counselor, mental health professional or parents with similar experiences.

u NAMI, Families Anonymous, Al-Anon, Adult Child of Alcoholics.

u Peer Support Specialists

Connect With Others

u Find people “who understand your circumstance and respect who you are and your goals for your family,” Nicholson said.

u Having other people in their world that their children can count on. These people help to provide consistency, too.


u Troubleshoot. “Think through the way your illness makes you think, feel and act,” said Nicholson. This helps to anticipate the times when you’re not thinking clearly and to be ready in the moment to keep your child safe.


u Create a crisis plan. During a calm time, sitting down with their therapist, doctor, or advocate and establish a plan of action for emergencies, such as being admitted to a hospital.

u Consider concerns like where your kids will stay and how they’ll get to school.


u Enroll kids in activities. While it can be tough keeping up with everyone’s schedule, especially when you’re running to your own appointments, getting kids involved in extracurricular activities can be beneficial. This gives kids another opportunity to connect with healthy peers and adults.


u Attend to your needs. When Nicholson’s kids got sick, she’d rush them to the pediatrician. “When I’m sick, I come to the office,” she said. Most parents can relate to this scenario. But this can be devastating to your mental health — and your family. “I often see problems occur when parents deny their symptoms and extend themselves beyond their limits. If you’re too depressed to go to the ball game, accept this limitation and stay home to take care of yourself.”


u Give the best time to your kids. “If vacations cause anxiety, plan more ‘staycations.’ If weeknights are depressing but weekends are brighter, make quality family time on Saturdays,” he said. Learn to understand your illness, its triggers and cycles, and apply this knowledge to your schedule.


u Recognize your strengths. When you’re struggling with a mental illness, your strengths are the last thing on your mind. Especially if you suffer from depression, your thought patterns probably sound more like this, according to Nicholson: “I can’t do anything right, this day isn’t going to go well, I’m never going to be a good mom.”

u Try to celebrate your strengths (e.g., list three things you like about yourself). “You can build on strengths, but you can’t build on failure.” Plus, this is a positive activity to model to your children.


u Practice your passions. Both parenting and mental illness can be all-consuming, leading individuals to “lose touch with the unique, vital, passionate parts of themselves,” Howes said.

u Engage in activities that go “beyond the roles of parent and patient,” whether that’s “exercise, creativity, travel, learning, bungee jumping —whatever reinforces the unique parts of your identity. ”Howes also said that it can be beneficial to involve your kids. “They’ll be thrilled to see dad enjoying himself and expressing parts of his personality he really enjoys.”

Single Parenting

u Being a single parent can add another challenge. The extra responsibility that comes with being the only provider, the only nurturer and the only disciplinarian results in additional stress, and stress can exacerbate the impact of mental illness.

Single Parenting

u Don’t hesitate to ask for help and continue connecting with others. Teaming up with other parents for play dates and exchanging babysitting duties. Also, “having time to vent is not just a luxury, but a necessity.”

Single Parenting

u Prioritizing is key. Maybe you don’t fix dinner every night or have a spotless house, but your and your kids’ mental health needs are taken care of, Nicholson said. Focus your energy on what’s important to your family, and “let some of the other stuff fly.”

Resiliency is Key!

u Despite these challenges, many children of parents with mental illness are resilient and are able to thrive in spite of genetic and environmental vulnerability.

u Resiliency is directly proportionate to the number of risk and protective factors present within the family: the greater number of protective factors and smaller number of risk factors, the greater the likelihood of a child being resilient.

u Therefore, services for families and children should include opportunities to reduce risk and enhance resiliency.

Remember, Parents are Protective Factors

u A national survey of teens ages 12 to 17 shows that that teens who believe their parents would strongly disapprove of their substance use were less likely to use substances than other.

u For example, current marijuana use was less prevalent among youth who believed their parents would strongly disapprove of their trying marijuana once or twice than among youth who did not perceive this level of disapproval (5 percent vs. 32 percent).

Resources

u Tips for Parenting with a Mental Illness; Margarita Tartakovsky, M.

u J. Nicholson, Parenting Well When You’re Depressed: A Complete Resource for Maintaining a Healthy Family.

u Finding My Way: A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has Experienced Trauma and I’m Not Alone: A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has a Mental Illness.

References

-How to Talk to a Child About a Parent’s AddictionBy David Sack, M.D. -National Institute on Mental Health-The Dougy Center for Grieving Children; [email protected] for the Treatment of Traumatic Bereavement in Infancy and Early Childhood,

Questions, comments, concerns??

u Thank You!!!!u Geoff Wilson, LCSW, LCADCu The Offices of Paul Daltonu 501 Darby Creek, Suite 11u Lexington, KY 40509u 859.229.5722u [email protected]

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Parenting with a Mental Illness Empowering November 2018...your own needs with those of your child. It involves managing your time, having adequate resources and supporting your child