Parade Insight

XXXX

24 parade magazine autumn / winter 2015

Parade INSIGHT

WORDS AdAm Ross (InstAgRAm @muse_me) illuStRatOR Jess LewIs

Just like the jungle, the savannah or the deepest ocean, a shopping strip is a fragile ecosystem of cohabitating creatures. some build their homes close to the strip to gain easy access to coffee, homewares and boutique fashion, while others come and go with the seasons on some sort of migration. the Parade, in particular,

is home to a wide variety of creatures, all of which help create a strong sense of community and build a

sustainable environment in Adelaide’s eastern suburbs.

autumn / winter 2015 parade magazine 25

Immaculately dressed, perfectly groomed hair, and toned bodies, these are the hawks of the Parade. they know what they want and how to get it. It appears like they never

sleep and are always on guard to pounce on an opportunity. more often than not, you will see them either by themselves, with one other colleague, or with a client. they generally work in banking, consultancy, law or accounting, and own property in the eastern suburbs. Scientific name: Cofficus meetimitis. Natural habitat: the Colonist, the Bath Hotel, Argo on the Parade, and Country Road. Most commonly heard saying: “I’ll have a small double shot flat white, please” or “Have you had a chance to read our proposal? of course we can negotiate.” Most likely to eat: double-shot coffee from Argos for breakfast, Foodland salad for lunch, and a bottle of wine, croquets and pizza at Base Bar for dinner. Comes to the Parade to… work, meet clients for coffee at Argos on the Parade and lunch at grace the establishment, shop for gifts for their partners at Country Road and Cleverdicks, and buy wine from dan murphy’s.

Business folk

autumn / winter 2015 parade magazine 27 autumn / winter 2015 parade magazine 27

In other environments, these creatures have a tendency to prowl the strip like a pack of lions, but not on the Parade. Here they are the gentle giants – the

gorillas. they are rarely seen wearing more than gym shorts, a singlet, and the best trainers available and you can’t help but stare at these creatures as they slowly walk past or sit quietly at a café. their upper arms have more muscle than the rest of norwood’s population combined. they survive on protein and smoothies, and like to wash their meals down with protein smoothies. Scientific name: muscularis proteinicus. Natural habitat: 24fit norwood, snap Fitness 24/7, or Café Bravo.Most commonly heard saying: “How much do you bench now?” and “want me to spot you, bro?” Most likely to eat: Protein smoothie from Argos on the Parade for breakfast, Café Bravo pasta for lunch, and steak at norwood Hotel for dinner. Comes to the Parade to… leg day, arm day, core day, back day, cardio day, mid-week burger at nord Burger, and to replenish their protein powder from supps n more.

As the parrots of the Parade, these creatures create noise; sometimes it is beautiful and you want to stop and listen, other times you will throw

any loose change you have into their bags just so they will cease making noise for the two seconds it takes to thank you. they generally nest between edward street and george street and bring a level of atmosphere and vibrancy to the block. they are often younger in age, though the mature species have a tendency to be more skilled in their art. Scientific name: Bearderolus loosechangicus.Natural habitat: norwood mall, outside House, and outside norwood town Hall. Most commonly heard saying: “thank you” or “what do you mean I can’t play here?”Most likely to eat: whatever their daily takings allow them to eat. on a good day it might be burger from grill’d or nord Burger, but on a bad day it can be a piece of fruit, pie, or box of shapes (pizza or Chicken Crimpy) . Comes to the Parade to… busk, make money and fill the Parade with music.

Gym junkies

Buskers

Parade INSIGHT

the mall rat is an interesting creature as their appearance is dependent on timing. generally seen in the morning and evening, and during holidays,

they are never seen in groups less than four. these groups wander up and down the Parade looking for things to do while they wait to be picked up, wait for a bus to arrive or wait for their movie to start. If they ever do become separated from the pack, they become reserved and quiet – you would almost think they are a different creature altogether. Scientific name: Loiterala afterschoolica.Natural habitat: Hoyts Cinema foyer, grill’d, gelatissimo, Cotton on. Most commonly heard saying: “she/he totally looked at you today. Ask him/her out!” or “did you like my selfie on Facey?”Most likely to eat: Large chips from grill’d shared between three, enjoy Bakery iced finger buns, and chocolate gelati with extra chocolate fudge from gelatissimo.Comes to the Parade to… hang out with friends after school, see a movie on the weekend, and shop for sales at Cotton on, dotti, and denim & Cloth.

these women look amazing in leggings and sports gear, but tend to spend more time in their Lorna Jane than their Lorna Jane spends in the gym.

they drive suVs, push double prams and prefer their coffee half strength with lactose-free milk. much like a peacock, these creatures exist purely to be seen and you can’t help but stare. they always look impeccable and their makeup is flawless. Scientific name: doublouious pramiticus. Natural habitat: Lorna Jane, Blue Illusion, Bed Bath n’ table, or Argos on the Parade. Most commonly heard saying: “I’m on this new diet where I can only eat 18 grams of protein before lunch and can’t eat any vegetable that casts a shadow” or “Johnny is going so well this season, he is the highest goal scorer out of the entire team.”Most likely to eat: green juice from Argos for breakfast, Cherry Blossom sushi for lunch, and grace the establishment for dinner.Comes to the Parade to… be seen, to buy new cushions from Country Road, and to pick the kids up from school.

mall rats

soccer mums


Parade INSIGHT

autumn / winter 2015 parade magazine 29

these middle-aged men travel in packs. wobbly, unsupported, lycra-clad packs. not all of them are 100 percent in shape though their bodies are

generally hair free. the leader of these packs will stand out due to his lycra being covered in the most sponsor logos. they generally spend fleeting moments on the Parade to replenish their fluids and caffeine and devour a muffin or two, and then, just like migrating ducks, they disappear into the sunlight. Scientific name: Bicycilarkus lycriticis.Natural habitat: espresso Classico, Pavé Café, the grind @ norwood, norwood and Parade Cycles. Most commonly heard saying: “Let’s do mount Lofty to Brighton on sunday” or “do you mind if we block your entry with all of our bikes?”Most likely to eat: espresso from Pavé Café, latte from Cibo, flat white from espresso Classico, or a focaccia from Pavé Café. Comes to the Parade to… have coffee after a big ride and during a big ride, talk all things cycling at norwood Parade Cycles, and to attend the start of stage 3 of the sAntos tour down under.

much like the mall rat, these creatures are seen at specific times of the year and for only a short period of time. they are illusive yet imperative

to the fragile ecosystem; without them the sporting world of the Parade would fade away. they are always seen head-to-toe in their team’s colours and are vocal in their support, similar to the chimpanzee. they populate the western end of the strip and rarely venture east of edward street. the family structure is important to these creatures and they are often seen socialising with all family members. Scientific name: sportulius fanaticus.Natural habitat: norwood oval, norwood Hotel, Chicken time, Crust gourmet Pizza Bar.Most commonly heard saying: “You know what, they really need to bring back the Villis van” or “thank god they let the lights stay on until 11pm.” Most likely to eat: A pre-game pie from enjoy Caffe Bakery, quarter chicken with chips and gravy from Chicken time and a schooner (or two) from norwood Hotel. Comes to the Parade to… watch baseball.

BaseBall Boys

mamils

Parade INSIGHT

You will hear these girls a mile away and generally through double-glazed glass. they are the flamingos of the Parade, rarely seen without another of their

kind and always wearing the brightest of pink. when crossing the road or waiting for class, they can be seen practising their arabesques and pirouettes. they are always seen in their natural habitat with hairspray-perfect hair and mobile phone in hand.Scientific name: tappity pirouettica.Natural habitat: subway, Boost Juice, Barbara Jayne dance Centre, and theatre Bugs.Most commonly heard saying: “I said step, turn, pivot, turn, pivot, step, step. not step, turn, pivot, turn, pivot, step, turn” and “mum! my bun isn’t tight enough. I need more hairspray!” Most likely to eat: whatever their stage mums (refer to soccer mums above) don’t allow them to eat, which includes All Berry Bang from Boost Juice, six-inch BLt subs from subway, and full cream hot chocolates from Cibo. Comes to the Parade to… attend dance class at Barbara Jayne dance Centre, attend dance recitals at norwood town Hall, see a movie at Hoyts with friends on the weekend, and shop the sales at sportsgirl.

Dance Girls


Parade INSIGHT

(aka miDDle aGeD men in lycra)

Love these illustrations? they’re the work of Jess Lewis, an illustrator and graphic designer who has been drawing and painting

since she was young. “It’s my first love when it comes to expressing my creative talents,” she says, and we’re glad about that. Check out more of her work at jesslewiscreative.com or facebook.com/jesslewiscreations

Documents

Parade Insight