Our family’s changed

Help for children from changing families

This book belongs to

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The contents of this work – including pages, documents, graphics and audio are subject to copyright under the laws of Australia and, through international treaties, other countries. The copyright is owned by the Commonwealth of Australia (the Commonwealth) and in the case of some materials, third parties. Apart from any fair dealing for purposes of study, research, criticism and review, as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 (Copyright Act), no part of this work may be reproduced, re-used or redistributed for any commercial purpose or distributed to a third party for such purpose without the prior permission of the Commonwealth, or the third party copyright owners. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act, all other rights are reserved. Requests and inquiries concerning reproduction and rights should be addressed to:

Assistant Secretary Human Services Portfolio Communication GPO Box 1903 Canberra ACT 2601 Please visit our website www.csa.gov.au to order free copies of our related publications or call 131 272.

Acknowledgements to INKLAB for the illustrations.

Our family’s changed

Meet Zoe and Seb...

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Seb felt very sad and unsure when his mum and dad told him they’d decided not to live together anymore. He wanted to know why.

His parents explained that when they first met, they loved each other very much and hoped they’d be together forever.

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Over time things changed and his mum and dad became very unhappy. They got angry at each other and argued a lot.

It wasn’t an easy decision to separate. They tried very hard to make things work. But decided it would be better for everyone if they didn’t live together anymore.

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Seb thought it was his fault. He wondered if maybe his mum and dad would still be together if he’d always done as he was told and been extra good.

He worried his parents might stop loving him. But his mum and dad told him it wasn’t his fault and he didn’t do anything wrong. They told him they still loved him very much and would always love him.

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Join the dots.

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When Zoe’s parents stopped living together, she was scared she wouldn’t have a family anymore. Her mum told her their family was just changing and would be different. She’d always have a mum and dad who loved her very much.

Zoe’s mum and dad told her it was ok to ask questions. Talking about how she was feeling might also help her understand what was happening and even help her feel better.

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At first Zoe didn’t ask many questions, but then she began to worry about things like “do I have to move?”, “when will I see mum and when will I get to see dad?” Zoe’s parents answered her questions as best they could, but sometimes they didn’t know the answers.

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Zoe missed her mum a lot after she moved out. She missed her dad too when she was with her mum. Her mum and dad said it was normal to miss people when they weren’t around as much anymore, and they both missed her too.

Zoe’s parents said whenever she missed one of them she could write letters, send a card, make a drawing or painting and give it to her mum or dad whenever she saw them next. Best of all, Zoe could call them on the phone whenever she wanted.

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Word Search

changecrydadfamily

feelingsfriend happy help

lovemumnaughtySeb

sad talkwhyZoe

S A B F N A U G H T Y

E A C R F A I M L Y H

H D D I E C E F G I A

E J A E E R L M W K P

L C D N L Y P U O H P

P H T D I F A M I L Y

T A L K N S B Z F O Z

E N M T G U K W O V L

D G I N S E B K O E S

A E F W T D G D S L Y

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Seb had lots of different feelings when his mum and dad stopped living together. Sometimes he felt sad, sometimes he cried, other times he felt angry and even scared. He wasn’t sure what to do.

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Sometimes he did something naughty because he felt angry about the way his parents behaved or because he was upset they didn’t live together anymore.

His parents didn’t understand why he was behaving that way.

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Seb’s parents said it was good for him to talk to them about how he was feeling and what he was thinking. But if he didn’t want to talk to them, Seb could talk to someone else he trusted like his grandparents, teacher or the school counsellor.

Seb liked to spend time with his Grandpa Al. They talked about all sorts of things, especially when he was feeling sad. Grandpa Al listened to Seb and told him that whenever he was upset or angry he should try to do things he enjoyed.

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Things like playing outside, seeing friends, reading a book, playing with his pets and riding his bike always made Seb feel better.

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Colour in using colours to express how you might be feeling. For example: blue = sad, red = angry, brown = worried, purple = scared, green = jealous, yellow = happy.

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After her mum and dad separated, Zoe kept hoping they would all live together again one day. She asked them if they would be apart forever. Her parents said when most people separated it usually was forever.

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Some things changed when Zoe’s mum and dad stopped living together. After a while, she got used to staying overnight with her mum on weekends and during the school holidays. She talked with her mum on the phone a lot too.

Zoe had some of the same things at each house that she used a lot, like her toothbrush and comb.

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To help her remember, Zoe made a list of things she wanted to take with her and checked it before she left each house. She always took her favourite toy, books, games and her pillow.

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Zoe had her own room at each house, she liked this because she could do her schoolwork in a quiet place or just be alone and listen to music or read a book.

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Zoe also helped her mum and dad more with different chores as there was only one grown-up in each house and there was always more work to do.

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Zoe didn’t mind too much. She liked cleaning her room or helping make dinner. With her mum and dad’s help, she made a list of her chores and stuck it on the fridge at each house to help her remember.

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Zoe did different things with her mum and dad on special days like her birthday. For her last birthday, Zoe had a party with her dad and friends. The next weekend her mum took Zoe and her friend out to lunch and to see a movie.

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Help Zoe find her way home.

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It didn’t happen straight away, but over time Seb and Zoe started to feel happier after their parents stopped living together. Their mums and dads were happier too.

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Seb and Zoe knew one thing would never change — their parents would always love them and they would always love their parents!

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Draw your family...

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As a parent, you can have a profound impact on how well your child adapts to a separation or divorce. Separation can be a challenging and confusing time for everyone involved and reaching out for help — seeking resources and advice for your family during separation — is one of the most supportive things you can do for your child at this time.

This book has been developed by the Department of Human Services to assist you to talk to your young child about what’s happening and help you to identify how your child may feel or think about the separation as well problems your child may experience during the separation. This book also aims to encourage your child to ask questions and talk about how they’re feeling or what they’re thinking.

This book is meant to be read with your child and you can do so more than once. Try reading through it first to familiarise yourself with the content before you read it with your child. There are activities throughout this book for your child to do, which allow your child to have some fun while letting them revise what they have learnt from the story.

The Department of Human Services has also developed A kid’s guide to changing families, an interactive CD-ROM, for older children, whose parents are separated or separating. Your child can transition to the CD-ROM as they grow and develop. A kid’s guide to changing families will help your child to understand what’s happening, help them find ways to cope and let them know where they can go for help.

As children grow and develop, they may experience new emotions, even if the separation happened when they were younger. This book and the interactive CD-ROM are designed to be revisited as your child grows older. You may also find the Family Separation: A guide for teens booklet and website useful.

Understanding more about how your child feels about the separation will help you focus on handling their concerns with sensitivity, love and support. Your child will benefit from your commitment to helping them cope with their feelings, accepting the situation and adapting to the changes.

Guide for grown ups

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Support services and resources

A guide to changing families ...........................................................www.csa.gov.au/publications/index.asp

beyondblue ......................................................................................................www.beyondblue.org.au

Centrelink Financial Information Service..............................132 300 or www.centrelink.gov.au

CHaT First .......................................................................................................www.chatfirst.com.au

Child Support Agency Me and My booklets .......................www.csa.gov.au/publications/index.asp

Commonwealth Financial Counselling Directory ...........www.fahcsia.gov.au/sa/families/progserv

Community Legal Centres .................................................................(02) 9264 9595 or www.naclc.org.au

Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT ....................................(02) 6280 0900

Domestic Violence Line NSW ........................................................1800 656 463

Domestic Violence Helpline QLD ...............................................1800 811 811

Domestic Violence Helpline SA ....................................................1800 800 098

Domestic Violence Crisis Service TAS ....................................1800 633 937

Domestic Violence Crisis Service (Women’s) VIC ..........(03) 9322 3555 or 1800 015 188

Domestic Violence Helpline (Women’s) WA ......................1800 007 339

Domestic Violence Helpline (Men’s) WA ...............................1800 000 599

Emergency - ambulance, fire, police ..........................................000

Family Court ..................................................................................................www.familycourt.gov.au

Family Relationship Advice Line ..................................................1800 050 321

Family Relationships Online ............................................................www.familyrelationships.gov.au

Family Relationship Centres .............................................................www.familyrelationships.gov.au

Family Relationship Services Australia ....................................www.frsa.org.au

Family Separation: A guide for teens ........................................www.youth.csa.gov.au

headspace ........................................................................................................www.headspace.org.au

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Law Council of Australia .....................................................................(02) 6246 3788 or www.familylawsection.org.au

Lawstuff ..............................................................................................................www.lawstuff.org.au

Lifeline ................................................................................................................131 114 or www.lifeline.org.au

Legal Aid ...........................................................................................................www.nla.aust.net.au

Men’s Referral Service - VIC .............................................................1800 065 973 (free call within Victoria) or (03) 9428 2899

My family is separating - what now? ...........................................www.familyseparation.humanservices.gov.au

Interrelate Family Centres ..................................................................1300 736 966 or www.interrelate.org.au

Kids Helpline .................................................................................................1800 551 800 or www.kidshelpline.com.au

Parentline ACT ............................................................................................1800 041 984 or www.parentlineact.org.au

Parentline NSW ..........................................................................................1300 130 052 or www.parentline.org.au

Parentline QLD & NT ...........................................................................1300 301 300 or www.parentline.com.au

Parentline VIC ..............................................................................................132 289 or www.parentline.vic.gov.au

Parentline Helpline SA..........................................................................1300 364 100 or www.parenting.sa.gov.au

Parenting Line TAS .................................................................................1300 808 178

Parentline Help Centre WA ............................................................(08) 9272 1466 or 1800 654 432 or www.community.wa.gov.au/DFC/Resources/ Helplines/Parenting+WA+Line.htm

Reach Out ........................................................................................................www.reachout.com

St Vincent de Paul Society - Budget counselling ...........www.vinnies.org.au/budget-counselling-national

Supporting Children After Separation Program ..............www.familyrelationships.gov.au

Understanding Money ............................................................................www.understandingmoney.gov.au

Wesley Credit Help Line ......................................................................1800 808 488

Women’s Legal Services ......................................................................(02) 6246 3788 or www.nwjc.org.au/wlcaddress.html

youthbeyondblue ........................................................................................1300 224 636 or www.youthbeyondblue.com

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