Online Dating Domination -- Part One

© 2012 X & Y Communications LLC. All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Twitter: @ScotMcKay Page 1 of 39

OOnnlliinnee DDaattiinngg DDoommiinnaattiioonn ---- PPaarrtt OOnnee

How's it going, gentlemen? This is Scot McKay and you're tuned in

to Online Dating Domination. In this audio program, I'm going to

share with you everything I know about how to dominate your metro

area on any online dating site that you choose to be a part of.

Some of the information I'm going to share with you may shock you.

Some of it will surprise you and some of it will seem like common

sense. But I guarantee what you're about to hear is like nothing

else you've ever experienced.

The interesting part about what I'm going to share with you is not

only is it all field-tested and proven but it's all field-tested and

proven personally by me. So everything that I am sharing with you I

know works and I know works for normal guys like you and me.

Now, what are we talking about here when we talk about the

concept of online dating domination? What does it mean to

dominate your metro area? Well, first of all, see, most guys go into

online dating not even knowing what they're looking for. They know

they want to meet some women but they really don't have much of

a goal so they don't get much results.

This attitude is most objectively demonstrated in the prevalence of

lines in people's online profiles such as to the effect of "I'm going to

give this a try," headlines like "What am I doing here? I'm not sure

this will work. My friends put me up to this," et cetera, et cetera.

Notes


You see that all the time in online profiles, men and women, and it

demonstrates people just have no idea why they're there, of course,

but they have no goal and they have no plan for getting there.

So the first step to being a guy who is going to win at online dating

is literally to have a plan, and in my mind this is very basic. At least

it can be very basic. All I knew is I wanted to be able to meet

women--not who I was settling for, but the women who precisely

were the ones I wanted to meet. That was my goal through online

dating. Anything having to do with relationships or where I was

going to go in terms of getting to know these women, what was

going to happen down the road—that was all to be decided later;

but when I first started, the key was I want to meet the kind of

women I want to meet, not just the kind of women who are going to

settle for me and me for them. I think this is a pretty good goal for

most guys starting out because at least it sets you in the right

direction.

So what you do is you do a broad search of women. You get

hundreds of women if you're in a major metro area, sometimes

even thousands if you're in an area like New York, Los Angeles, or

Chicago in the United States. So what you do is you do this search

only of women you are actually going to be attracted to. In my case,

I like women of a certain height. I like women who look a certain

way. But it's actually a pretty broad generalization. I have an open

mind towards the kind of women I could potentially be attracted to. I

recommend that you do the same at first. So you do this search

and you get literally a lot of women.

Now, from there is when you become picky. You want to weed

down that list from hundreds to about 10% of that list. I would say

that is a good number to go with. Typically, when I did a search

here in my San Antonio metro area where I live in Texas, I would

get about 300 to 400 women. From that list, when I went through

Notes


it—and I certainly did due diligence on this list, I went through every

one of those profiles seeing which women caught my eye—I would

typically get down to about a 10% number.

So of all those women, only 10% made the first cut. From there I

would look more closely at the women's profiles and I would

perform tactical list, trimming based on fakes, undesirable traits,

certain inconsistencies, et cetera; all of which by the way we'll talk

about during the course of this program so that you're able to do

the same thing when you evaluate your searches.

Actually, when the dust clears, you'll typically get a list of around 10

women max, I would say. This is the list that you will email, and you

will get six to eight of the very sharpest women responding to you if

you are a man who is doing what I call dominating his metro area.

And from there, those six to eight women you are able to convert to

first dates at will.

This is what I call critical mass when it comes to defining metro

area domination; and as you can tell already, this is very different

than finding a nice template email and sending it to just about any

woman who catches your eye, namely perhaps that 10% of women

that you made the initial cut down to. See, you're not wanting

whatever woman you might sort of like. You are, as a man who is

dominating his metro area, going after specifically the women you

most want to capture the attention of.

Do you see that subtle but very real difference there? Now, that is

what separates the guys who succeed like wildfire and eventually

meet the greatest woman they've ever met online from the guys

who just sort of, I don't know, maybe they get a few dates online

and then from there they call it quits.

Notes


Now, this is critical mass, like I said. That's a term borrowed from

economics and that is indeed where online domination starts. See,

statistically, in a very real way, when you've got this going on in

your life you've got to come to grips with the fact that quite literally,

not many, if any at all of the other guys in your entire metro area

can possibly be enjoying the same level of success with women

online as you are.

How can this be? Well, first of all, most women are serial daters

and they'll be faithful to you even if you are seeing multiple women.

So make that your very baseline thought as we go through the

numbers that I'm about to share that together form the core of this

concept of online dating domination.

Because you see, it sort of goes like this. Women are only going to

be dating one guy typically themselves, like I said, whereas guys

are often more comfortable dating multiple women. So whereas

more women are going on more dates, only a select few guys are

being rewarded by those many women with the dates that they're

going on. Do you see how that works? Do you see how these

numbers add up? Fewer guys are going to be seen as "successful”

online than women from the very beginning.

But let's look at it at a deeper level like I said. Let's go into the

numbers. Think about it. At the very least, there will be as many

guys successful with these women as women who are successful

with you, and like we just talked about, that number is more likely

going to be fewer men than women.

Now, let's go back and run those initial numbers that we did on the

search. About 10 out of 400 women that you've searched, or about

2.5%, ultimately can be considered the very finest online. Now, of

course your mileage is going to vary. Some guys are going to like

different women than you do, but in my case, based on the age

Notes


range—the type of women I was looking at—I had a pretty good

idea based on the numbers I pulled versus the numbers in the

general search that I was reaching over 50% of the possible

women in the entire metro area to draw from whenever I did a

search.

I would guess your numbers would be at least that; if you're a little

pickier maybe less. Obviously, like I said, your situation may vary a

little bit. But again, 10 out of those 400 or 2.5% total of those

women are going to be the very sharpest ones. That number

equals under 3%. That's an important number so keep that in mind

to be remembered later.

Now, you're also a man who is going to be seeing multiple women

as a dominator of your metro area. I say this because if you're

looking for one great woman, there's a very important reason to

date many. You've got to know what you want in a woman and that

comes only from meeting a lot of women and raising the bar.

You've got to be honest with women about your intentions always

though. Tell them what's going on. And as you meet these women

online, you can tell them, "Hey, look you know what? I'm going to

be dating a lot of women here because I'm evaluating who it is that

I'm going to be spending my life with. I'm not necessarily ready to

settle down yet, but when that woman comes along, I want to be

ready for her. I want to know that I'm making the right choice."

Women will always respect that.

There are a lot of guys who think that perhaps they have to tell

each woman they meet, "Oh, you're the only one for me; you're the

only one I'm seeing," because they think that's what women want to

hear; and although women would like to hear that, they absolutely

appreciate honesty more than they do being played. That's 100%

Notes


universal I found out. It's one of those few things that truly is an

always situation.

So now that you know the number of women online who are going

to be the very sharpest by your definition—and if you want to

extrapolate just a little bit, let's say you did an entire search of all

the women who would be hot to any guy in your metro area. What

are you talking about there if you had more than half of them in

front of you on your initial search? About 20? 25 women in your

metro area?

Let's be absolutely generous and call it 30 women in your metro

area. So then, even if you do have a type when it comes to

women, if you took that cross-section of every woman that most

guys were at least at some level ready to see as the sharpest

women, usually guys, you're only get at max double or possibly, if

you're generous like I said, triple the number of women who

actually came up on your search.

So no matter how you slice it, a lot of guys are not going to be

dominating their metro area with the women they really, truthfully

prefer above all others. That's important to understand as we move

forward.

Now, let me motivate you. Let me show you right here, right now

why dominating this metro area of yours and getting to those top 10

women on your list—the very hottest women in your entire metro

area—is absolutely within your grasp.

Are you ready? Here we go.

If you look at different reports, anywhere from 90% up to 97% is the

figure you would get of all guys who call it quits with online dating

Notes


after 90 days…three months. Guys are failing at online dating way

more often than not, overwhelmingly more often than not.

Yet, there are more women online than men everywhere you look.

Anytime you see statistics. They are saying, "Hey, look. You know

what? The gap has been bridged. There are more women on online

dating sites now than guys."

Yet, anybody can figure out that guys are more likely to be braver

earlier and go sign up for online dating sites. So how in the world

can it be that women—with all the security concerns, whatever—

are on there in higher numbers than men are?

Well, women don't quit as soon as men do. This means that there

are indeed fewer women online but they're sticking around longer.

Now these women, if they're sticking around longer, what does that

mean? That means that they're going unfulfilled. They're not

meeting guys who meet their standards quickly enough for them

when they get online.

So how does this dynamic operate? How did we get here? Well, in

my mind, based on some thinking about this process and indeed on

some research, I think the secret to the short-term failure men

experience versus women's willingness to stay online and spend

more time looking for men even as they are probably more

frustrated is all based on the concept of expectations.

Here is how this works, see. Women expect to get some success

when they get online. “Hey, you know what?” they are saying, "I'll

put up a profile. I'll put minimal time and effort into it. I'll put a

picture or two up there and maybe I'll get a nice guy to respond."

Well, famously, women get hammered with attention as soon as

they put a picture online, as soon as they post a profile…even

when they're just average women.

Notes


Now, men on the other hand, how does it go for them? Men expect

some success when they get online also. I don't know how many of

my friends I've talked to who are saying, "Yeah, you know what? I

think I'm going to take the plunge and get online. I'm going to kick

ass with my profile. I'm going to put some great pictures up there

and the ladies are just going to start flowing into my inbox."

Instead, just like most of my friends figured out—just like I figured

out from day one—you get crickets chirping, pins dropping. Nothing

is happening and that is incredibly frustrating for men. It's a total

ego killer. Because guys are thinking, "Wow! I'm even a decent-

looking guy. I have a great job. I said all the right things”…so they

think, in their profile. "I sent all the right message”…so they think, in

their profile. "Where are all the women?" Meanwhile, women are

getting overwhelmed with attention.

So see, whereas the guys get a major downer upfront, the women

get a major upper upfront. So a lot of guys quit immediately. Their

egos just cannot handle that initial hit, whereas women can ride the

wave of that initial period of a lot of attention for quite a while, and

this already starts contributing to the fact that women stay on longer

than guys whereas guys up to a full 97% of the time call it quits

within 90 days.

Now, if that wasn't fascinating enough, here is the real clincher.

Ultimately over time, and perhaps ironically, the ultimate level of

success and failure evens out between the genders. Guys who get

over that 90-day hump and learn more about what it takes to attract

women online experience wild success after that period.

Think about it. It's only a few men who can possibly make it online,

perhaps only 3%, 10% at best, so they end up with all the women.

Sure, there are some guys who are finding dates offline too, but

especially when you're older and dealing with jobs, kids, et cetera,

Notes


online dating becomes kind of the primary dating social outlet for a

lot of people, and the guys who win at online dating win all the

women.

It literally becomes like shooting fish in a barrel—online shopping

for women. Meanwhile, all of the women online who stay online

pretty much have a consistent shot from day one all the way

through their tenure online at dating these guys who are indeed the

sharpest winners online, who are having their pick of the women

they want to go out with. See, that's the “numbers game”. That

really is online dating.

The “numbers game”, when you hear that term, is often used to

refer to "Hey, look, you know what? You need to throw a whole

bowl of spaghetti up against the wall and see which women write

back. Most of them are going to reject you, but hey, some of them

will like you and go out with them." No. To me, “numbers game” as

it relates to online dating is the 3% of guys who the last 90 days

learned what you're learning here—which is how to get success

online with women—end up with 100% of the great women.

In case you're still skeptical about my numbers and how I'm putting

this together, consider that those 90% to 97% of men quit. They

leave. And over 50% of men leave their online dating experience

without even so much as one response from a single woman.

Think about that for a second. You have to be above average in

your success level to have any success whatsoever even at the

first step. And if those guys who were getting women to write them

back once, twice, five, six times; if they were able to convert those

emails into dates, would they have quit after 90 days? Of course

not. At $20 a month, it's a bargain to be able to meet women this

way. So indeed, the guys who stick around, that 3% to 10%, the

Notes


ones who know what they're doing—who last where others fail—are

getting all the women out there. Make no mistake.

This ironic phenomenon is what I call the “attrition/experience

factor” or “the gift that gave up”. Men who give up literally hand over

wild success willingly to you for sticking around. So let's explore this

some more. Let's go a little deeper.

Most guys, then, are new at this when they get online. 90% to 97%

of the guys who are on any given site at any given moment have

been at it for less than three months. So indeed, most of them don't

even understand the basics of online dating and they don't ever

learn. Guys are notoriously bad at asking directions, right? Then

they quit.

So for women, what are they seeing on the other end of the

computer? For them it's a nonstop stream of novices with no game,

even if these guys are great with women offline. As a matter of fact,

the guys who are great with women offline are the most likely to

quit as quickly as possible because they're just not going to be able

to hang with that. They're going to say, "Hey, look. You know what?

I'm better off bumping shopping carts with a woman at the grocery

store than I am doing this. This is just humiliating."

See, the guys who stick around longer unsuccessfully are the guys

with no game whatsoever online or offline. So see, the sharpest

guys are the ones who quit the soonest if they are going to quit at

all.

Then you have to consider that, like I said, most guys never ask for

directions. You, being one of the few exceptions, have already

stacked the deck in your favor by learning what it is that women are

looking for.

Notes


So with a goal, knowing the kind of women you wanted to meet and

knowing the numbers and knowing the dynamic of how this all

plays out online, you're already poised to win…and do so relatively

easy. Why? Because you, the 3% perhaps of all guys who are left,

will get all the women.

That 3% number, see? 3% of women are sharp. 3% of guys stick

around online if you take the estimate that's most generous for you.

Makes sense, doesn't it? If you're one of those 3% of guys who

gets it, the sharpest women literally are waiting for you to go get

them. The percentage of men who stick around and learn the ropes

and have the confidence and the capability to get the sharpest

women online is (by some estimate at least, right?) exactly equal to

the number of extremely sharp women online.

And the women online? Well, like I said, a lot of them have been

there a while and they have yet to see a man who motivates them.

With this steady stream of a bunch of novices, sometimes they can

become discouraged about men and become discouraged in

general.

I call these women “webflowers” if they have been online for a long

time. Just like “wallflowers” are women who don't get asked that

much at the dance, these women who become a bit jaded by the

lack of quality men online are the “webflowers”. They play the field

and they've been there for months or even years in some cases.

There's nothing wrong with these women, but bear in mind that they

know the ropes and they probably aren't looking for Mr. Right often

anymore. They have been discouraged. If they are looking for Mr.

Right, well, there are often issues with these particular women.

Sometimes they are fun but many times they are man bashers,

right? So look out for women who have been online for a long time.

Notes


Perhaps ironically, one of your best ways—once you become a

man who has lasted 90 days, once you become a guy who knows

the secrets that we're talking about here now—the best women

you're going to find, even though a lot of women stay up there

longer, are going to be the women who are new.

Emily, my wife, had been online for two and a half weeks when I

met her. She was being inundated with attention, but I knew a

sharp woman when I saw her and obviously I made the move

quickly, did the right things, and here we are today. I think that's a

pretty good strategy to follow.

So look for new women when you do the searches. Do a search for

most recently posted profiles. That's a very, very good way to go.

Now, let's talk more about these sharp women online. I think they

fall into two categories. First, a certain portion of the very sharpest

women online, I think they begin to start screening profiles

themselves because they're fed up with the mediocrity so they take

control. Instead of a steady stream in their inbox of guys who don't

know what they're doing, they start looking for guys whose profiles

scream back that they get it and they make friends with those guys.

They don't just reactively sort through their inbox.

But see, I think the second category of the very sharpest women

online is a larger cross-section. They believe in male initiative and

leadership and they will not go searching for men. To them, a key

criterion for identifying a great man is that he writes first. See, all

these guys who think women are just going to fill up their inbox,

they are underestimating the quality of these great women.

So let's talk about some ways that guys mess up. You know what

the great women look like. You've searched for them. You've got

some you want to meet. Now you know a little bit about how long

Notes


they've been online. You know what their attitudes might be. You

know the difference between the web flowers and the women who

have just shown up with great attitudes and you know the

categories that the sharpest women likely fall into in terms of how

they're searching for guys versus waiting for the guys with

leadership to write them.

Where do we—when we have the world is our oyster, when we

have the tiger by the tail—where do we go so blasted wrong? Well,

let's go over some of the pitfalls that guys potentially face that are

just pandemic in the world of online dating. Ready?

First and foremost, guys fail when they write to other guys, or at

least that's what it sure looks like even in the context of their

narrative or when they're actually writing to women. Now, we're

going to focus a lot on the emails you actually write to women here

because I personally believe from experience that that is infinitely

more important than even the quality of your profile narrative.

Yeah. You need to have a profile narrative that works, but if you

don't write the correct style of email to the women you're going to

want to write, especially the sharpest ones online, guys, you're just

not going to get any attention whatsoever. But yeah, men, when

writing women online, tend to use the same tone and indeed talk

about the same subjects as they would if they were talking to their

buddies, and this is a major tactical error. They talk about what's so

impressive about themselves. They talk about their cars. They talk

about their boats. They talk about their jobs.

Guys, you and I, when we get together and have a beer together,

we're the ones trying to one up each other. We're the ones talking

about our cool stuff, what happened on the job. We talk about

thoughts. We talk about pragmatic things. We talk about ourselves.

Notes


Women are different. You have to approach them differently. Guys

don't ever learn the ropes here. They don't even give it a shot and

they fail.

Next, guys don't tell the truth about everything so they come off as

incongruent and they look creepy. See, when you're not making

sense in terms of all about you holding together—in terms of the

story adding up—you don't just look like you're flaky like women do

when they're not telling the whole truth. Instead, you look potentially

scary.

Remember, women have the added dimension of personal security

on their minds that we often ignore, perhaps foolishly. I know

sometimes guys can get damaged online too. I mean there was

one story here in San Antonio about a guy who got robbed at

gunpoint because a chick scammed him and her real boyfriend met

the car where they were going and something ugly happened. But

ultimately, women are the ones who have personal security on their

mind whereas men don't.

And guys, listen, they don't know you. What you are writing to them

is their absolute first impression so the last thing you want to do is

be creepy because that's going to scare them away.

The next thing guys do is they look too nice. See, this looks fake…

especially online because see, no guy is going to be that nice to

everybody. If you say, "Hey, look, I would buy you this and I would

make you a nice dinner or I would buy you a nice dinner" or, "I think

you're just the greatest woman in the world" not only are you giving

your power away to a woman, this means she is not ever going to

respect you.

Again, she is going to be suspect of the reality behind the message.

Is the guy who is writing this possibly able to be so darn nice? Well,

Notes


she is probably not going to be attracted, and of course, if you've

gone into the creepy zone, then you're scaring the woman away

again.

Another thing guys do—and they do this all the time—is they write

emails to women with "hi" or "hello" in the subject line. And here it

is: great women do not respond to cookie cutters in any way,

shape, or form. They know what a cut-and-paste template email

looks like. They've seen it all, they've heard it all, and they have not

nearly enough time to go through every single email that starts with

"hi" or "hello."

You'll hear from some of the dating gurus who are experts in online

dating, Dave Miz being one of the ones I can think of off the top of

my head, but it's a pretty much well-worn truth that if you go and put

up a profile playing as if you're a woman, take an average to better-

than-average woman's profile from some other metro area, copy

and paste the whole thing into your template, go find pictures of a

woman who you think is relatively attractive from another metro

area, make an online profile and put it up there; you're going to

really learn amazing things about how guys are. And you're going

to see those novice mistakes that cause up to 97% of guys to drop

out. And you're going to go, "Man, I don't want to be that guy."

One of the first things you'll notice when you do this profile

impersonating a woman and you see what comes in is you'll see

over 50% of the emails you get have "hi" or "hello" in the subject

line. You could be getting 60 or 70 of them a day and guys just

have no creativity. So yeah, this is a huge mistake that guys make.

Another thing that guys do is they send winks or they send flirts,

and for heaven's sakes, they even send flowers, virtual flowers—

little graphics that get put on the woman's profile for like $5 on the

HOT or NOT website. Guys, these are anonymous to women. At

Notes


best, they're hit and run situations where a woman said, "Well, you

know, if he really, really was attracted to me, if he was intrigued by

my profile, why couldn't he just spend a minute and a half writing a

real email to me?" A woman sees that happening and goes, "Look,

here's a guy who is just spamming every girl on this entire site."

They don't ever respond. When they do they're not the sharpest

women. You can bet that.

By the way, when you do the send the virtual flower thing on HOT

or NOT, you've just killed any chance of having any respect from

this woman. You've given away everything to her. You've already

told her you've prequalified her. You think she is beautiful. You

think she is wonderful. You think you hope you have a shot. Uh-uh,

bad idea. It's a complete utter waste of time, energy, and even

money.

Another major mistake that newbies make when they're looking for

women online is they conduct searches for women who have been

inactive for quite some time. When I had my game tightly focused, I

got to the point online eventually where if a woman had been

inactive for more than 24 hours, I didn't even consider writing her.

Meanwhile, some guys are writing women who have been inactive

for three weeks. Women even inactive for over five days, guys, are

unlikely to write you back. Think about it. If you're on an online

dating site, you're dying to see who is interested in you to see if

your emails have been responded, you're doing searches, you're

involved in the life of that site, you're involved emotionally with what

you're doing.

Now women, if they're also engaged in terms of being a part of this

online dating site—hey look, they're human beings just like you—

They're checking their email. They're checking to see who is online.

Notes


They're doing this every day. At least, they are doing this every

other day.

But I got to the point wherein many times I was only writing women

who were online right now because here's a little secret, straight up.

If a woman is online and she gets an email, she will notice the

email first that lands there while she is online. She is more likely to

read it and she is more likely to respond to it because she is right

there. She knows you're at the other end of the computer ready to

receive her message also. That real time aspect of it is in your favor

all the time when you're trying to get women to respond.

But yeah, sometimes I would write women who have been online

within the last 24 hours, maybe 48 hours if I was really intrigued.

But 90% of the time, if she has not been on for even three or five

days, you're not going to get her to write back because she is

disengaged from the process. She has met someone else; she is

not really interested in the online dating thing anymore; and really,

you have much less chance than if she was online and fully

engaged in the process.

Now, do some women go on vacation? Do some women go on

business trips? Sure they do, and you'll have that rare situation

where a woman will respond to you saying, "Hey, look. You know

what? My computer was broken," or whatever, but you know what,

guys? They are few and far between and you don't want to depend

on it.

So let's look at this whole phenomenon. Guys are sending "hi" or

"hello" as email headlines to women, right? And then they write to

women who have been inactive for quite some time, and then what

do they think? Guys think they've been rejected. But these guys

haven't even been noticed.

Notes


I call this concept “virtual rejection”. This is a blow to guys' ego

when these women don't write them back because they think

they've been rejected. They thought they weren't good enough for

these women to respond to. The truth is most of these times the

guys' emails were not even noticed at all by the women they were

trying to meet because of the reasons we just cited. Isn't that an

amazing phenomenon? And guys will quit because of this. Guys

will go, "Wow! I emailed four or five great women and they all

rejected me." Guys, if they didn't notice you, they didn't reject you.

Nowadays, some of the sites like Match.com allow you to have a

feature where you can see who opened your email and who has

been viewing your profile. That's all well and good and it alleviates

some of this. But guys, know the difference between being rejected

and not even being noticed and tailor your game accordingly and

you'll last longer online.

This is already a great advantage you're going to have versus most

of the other guys online, is knowing that if you're engaging women

who have been online recently and who are actively participating in

this online dating site you're not going to get rejected as much. It

stacks the deck in your favor in a way that most guys make the

mistake of not even realizing.

I'll tell you, there's even another added dimension to this. Like I

said, Match has pretty much changed things so that in order to

even have a glimpse of who is online and even read your emails,

you have to go ahead and pay their monthly fee. This is actually a

good thing because it's going to alleviate what I'm talking about.

But while there are still other sites out there who don't have this

fixed yet, it's important that you know about this dynamic, and it is

that a lot of times guys will email women who aren't members of the

Notes


site and have no way to even email them back…and they think they

were rejected. Do you see what I'm saying?

Here is a hint. If you get a situation where you have emailed a

woman, you've written her a nice note and all you get is a flirt in

return (because sometimes the sites let you flirt for free but not

send emails, right?), what she is telling you is "Hey, look. I got your

email and I'm interested but I can't write back to you." Don't assume

she is stupid. Don't assume that she is mildly interested. If you get

that kind of situation, you know that you're going to have to be

creative.

I'll tell you, most women aren't even that creative. Most women are

like us. They are not professionals at figuring out how the online

dating game works. They don't have all this figured out. In many

ways, it's easier for women as we've already covered because they

just sit around and wait for guys to give them the attention and

respond.

If you want to make contact with a woman who you suspect cannot

contact you because she is not a paying member, here is the first

step. The first step is to know the rules of the online dating site

you're on. Is she able to see just the subject heading or is she able

to open your email and actually read it? Those are two examples

but it's important for you to know what that situation is. Then you

can engineer it to your favor.

If all she can do is see the subject heading, for example, what you

want to do is send her several emails in a row that give a written-

out version of how she might be able to respond to you in a way

other than through the site. Now, this can be email. This can even

be your phone number. And in many ways, this is a neat little

strategy for getting women from email to phone even more quickly.

Because if she is intrigued by you and you've given her the phone

Notes


number, she is going to call you because she'll say it's either that or

not communicate with the guy at all.

So what you do is this. You've got to go into this realizing that

human beings, or even in some cases computer bots, are

controlling the rules over at these online dating sites. People are

actually weeding out anything that's trying to circumvent the rules.

So it's not as easy just as putting your phone number in the subject

line and sending it out. You've got to be a little bit more in “stealth

mode” than that. What you've got to do is maybe put the first three

numbers of your phone number in the first email. Wait 5 to 10

minutes and send another email with the second four. It's amazing

how often this will get through.

Another thing you can do is send your email address as your alias

first in the first email, and then let's say you're on Yahoo or Gmail

and you find some code way of putting that in the second email as

your subject line. Now, if she can actually open up the emails and

read, you can get even a bit more creative. Cloak it this way and it

will make it through the process with the online dating companies

so they'll actually deliver your emails to her, and you'll be shocked

at how easy it is for most people to know what's going on. And the

woman will probably 60% or 80% of the time actually email you

back.

A neat little trick. It sounds kind of cheesy, but if you're this creative,

you are going to meet women who other guys either are going to

not be smart enough to get in touch with or either they are just not

going to have enough wherewithal. They're going to be too lazy to

even try to email these women.

By the way, I've noticed that women who put their profiles up and

don't pay the monthly charge there, it really has no bearing on who

they are as a person. They're probably just waiting to see what

Notes


happens. A lot of times those women don't last long online so go

ahead and make sure you get a hold of her absolutely as quickly as

possible. A lot of times it's really worth it. I've met some great

women that way.

So now that you have a head start in figuring out some of the major

mistakes that guys make, let's look for some women to write. Now,

when you're just starting out, I think it is okay to make an “A list”

and a practice list. Write to the practice list first so you can find out

what works.

Now, you're going to learn some principles here. You already are

learning a lot of principles that are going to help you.

As you're honing your skills and writing to women, you don't want to

take those 10 women who you think are the sharpest in your entire

metro area and go ahead and ruin your chances with them first

before you've got a system that's proven to get you results. Do you

see what I'm saying there?

What you want to do is you want to take some women in the

second tier. Hey, you wouldn't mind making friends with them. You

wouldn't mind going out with them maybe. They're not your first

choice, but you just want to see how things go. You definitely don't

want to blow your chances with the very sharpest ones upfront. So

write to that second tier of women first and see what happens. Take

careful notes.

The next thing you want to consider right when you're starting to

write women is you can't let yourself prequalify women. You haven't

even met them yet. You haven't even heard back from them yet. So

yeah, you can feel free to let her know that you're potentially

interested to see if she can live up to her profile, and yeah, you can

be witty, especially based on what's in her profile. Banter back and

Notes


forth with her. Ask her a question. Challenge her to give an answer.

Find rapport, but you've got to keep your wits about you here.

Prequals to me include things like taking a look at a woman's

picture and already falling in love with the general idea that you

have of this woman, looking at her profile and saying, "Oh, my

gosh! Her and I have this amazing thing in common. When we

meet it's going to be instant chemistry." All this stuff might not even

exist in the reality that is this real woman.

Now, I call this “The Dreamscape Effect”. You meet the actual

woman and voila…she’s nothing like she was represented to be

and you're in love with the representation. You feel stupid; you feel

heartbroken; you actually feel cheated and angry all at the same

time. Why? Because you let yourself get emotionally involved in a

fantasy. That fantasy is what this woman's pictures looked like, who

you thought she was going to be when you met her. And this is

one of those things that jades guys, that gets them all balled up in a

feeling of despair and causes up to 97% of guys to quit.

You, on the other hand, are now coming face to face with ideas

like, “Look, getting her off the email and onto the phone is a great

idea”…because I'm telling you, extended IM and phone

conversations and lots of emailing back and forth is even more of a

buzzkill when you meet a woman and she doesn't meet your

expectations.

So do away with “The Dreamscape Effect”. You must treat every

woman's profile as if that woman does not really exist. Expect that

you're going to have to do real life evaluation. Don't automatically

assume ever that the woman behind the face and behind the profile

is going to exist until you meet her. And then, simply put, you've

got to meet her as soon as possible.

Notes


Okay then. So let's actually talk about emailing women. What are

some basics for getting this right? Well first of all, you have to

demonstrate that you've read her profile. Again, no cookie cutters.

Forget everything you've ever read about being able to take a

template and even modify it a little for different women and save

time. You're not going to save time when it comes to the 10 hottest

women in your entire metro area.

Now, while you're doing some practice runs and getting things right,

like I said, you can try some certain things. You can try the same

thing in different ways. You can word a similar concept differently

for a couple of women and see what comes through more cleanly,

what works better for you…but never are you able to get away with

cookie cutters, ever.

You've got to demonstrate that you've read her profile. Ask her a

question. Ask her a question about her life, about her profile. Don't

try to be someone you're not. Don't try to get too cute with her. And

by all means, if cocky and funny is not something that you've

absolutely perfected so that it's more funny than cocky, don't even

try that.

Why do I say this? Well, first of all, you've got to remember there is

no nonverbal communication by email. See, there's a difference

between teasing and insulting. If you do anything that's even

remotely considered to be an insult to a woman online, she doesn't

see you laughing and smiling and teasing on the other side of the

email. She sees this mean guy. She sees this creepy guy. Creepy

guys are what? Again, they're scary. You've scared away this

woman when you were just teasing, when you were just trying to

have fun.

I heard a story about a guy who met a woman who was like 23, and

he said to her, "What? Are you like 40 years old?" He thought he

Notes


was being cocky and funny but he was insulting her, and this was in

real life. You can imagine what would happen if he said to her on

email for example, "I know you say you're 23 on your profile, but

hey, it looks more like you're 45. Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Think about it. Use common sense, guys. She's not going to be

attracted to that. She is going to go, "Man, what a jerk!" You're not

going to be able to get an email from her and you're not going to be

able to meet her.

We're told that “negging” or challenging is a good thing with women

and it can be in real life. But again, there is no nonverbal

communication with email so you have got to be a little bit more

real. You've got to take the sarcasm and tone it way down and say

exactly what you mean on these first emails, right?

Keep them short too. Don't write your entire life story to a woman

you've never met before. It shows that you're prequalifying her, and

to the woman, it says, "Wow! This guy has nothing better to do than

write me his entire biography." Plus, she doesn't have time to read

it. It's creepy to her. It shows that you're desperate. So actually, the

truth of the matter is even two or three paragraphs that most guys

think is a sweet spot is actually too much for a first email.

When I do direct coaching with guys who are learning this whole

skill of writing emails to women, almost invariably they get their

skills down and they start writing really well to women. And what

they realize at the very last stage is when they write three or four

sentences to a woman, often they could just take one of those

sentences. They could distill their entire email to a great woman

down to one line and get dramatically better results than they could

with even two paragraphs.

Notes


Guys, this is so counterintuitive but it's very true. I'll tell you, word

for word, here was my first email to my wife, Emily, who I met on

Match.com, of course, and who I eventually married…even though

she was getting up to 200 emails a day. I wrote to her as follows:

For someone who seems like she might be fun to hang out with

sometime, you sure don't say much in your profile. - Scot.

That was my entire email to her.

Now, in return I got six paragraphs from Emily because she was

intrigued by the simplicity of that. She was intrigued that I wasn't

needy; but she saw that I was interested without prequalifying her.

Something about her intrigued me enough to write the email so

yeah, she went and she looked at my profile. It all checked out, it

didn't creep her out, and it intrigued her back…and it was “game

on” from there. But I didn't pre-qualify.

And those of you guys out there who know me by now know that I

can write. You know that I can talk. You know that I've kissed the

Blarney Stone. For me specifically, this was the hardest skill to

learn, was taking everything I wanted to say to this woman—all the

feelings, all the thoughts swirling around in my brain—and distilling

it down to just one quick hit and firing that email off to a woman with

an interesting subject line.

Now, my concepts for putting together an interesting subject line

are actually very straightforward, very objective. I have two ways of

doing it. First of all, any subject line to a woman should start with

“Re:” (regarding). Why? Simply put, it looks like you've already

written to her before. Yet, any email can start with “Re:”, right?

After the regarding sign, which could get her to open the email

more quickly and more often, what you put is one of two things.

Notes


First of all, you lift a line word for word, put it in quotes from her

profile and make it the subject line of the email. Or alternatively,

what else you can do is you can find three separate and hopefully

unrelated concepts in her profile, separate them by commas, and

put “etc.” at the end and make that your subject line.

For example, let's say she likes to travel to Italy, she likes to eat

sushi, and she has a dog named Fluffy. What you would put is "Re:

Venice, raw fish, fluffiness, etc."

Now, here's an interesting thing about your subject line. You don't

have to mention anything remotely in common with what the

subject line entails in your email at all. For example, I could have

put something very much in the style of what I just talked about as

the subject line to my first email to Emily and still written the same

context as my actual email to her. It wouldn't have mattered.

Now, in this case, what drove me writing what I did to Emily was the

fact that she had a pretty terse, not very wordy profile. She only

wrote a couple of paragraphs and that was it. But see, the whole

point of the subject line is to get the email opened. Whether you

actually talk about what's in the subject line or not almost doesn't

matter. As a matter of fact, it's even funnier if you don't.

Now, with that said, let's talk about the whole concept of what

you're putting in the actual body of the email you're sending to a

woman. Now, see, when you tease a woman, it's okay. It's still

something that shows you have social proof, that you're in the

same league as she is in, that you're not really trying too hard and

that you're willing to have fun. But like I said, since there is no

nonverbal communication in the world of online dating, what you

need to do is you need to tease her in a way that makes her feel

good about herself instead of insulting her.

Notes


A great example of how you might want to do this is to find

something that exposes a little flaw or a weakness that she has in

her profile, and then say something that shows that you have

rapport with her there and even puts it in a mildly self-deprecating

way.

For example, if she says she'd love to be a gardener but she is not

really good at growing plants, you could say, "Hey, look. I read your

part about gardening. I've been told myself that I've got a black

thumb. So all that means is if you and I get along, we're going to

have to go grocery shopping together to buy our vegetables instead

of digging up the backyard." Great example of what I'm talking

about there.

Contrast that with finding something you don't like about her profile

and saying, "Hey, look. This is a potential deal breaker," or that in

some way you're worried about it. Yeah, you know what? That

might put you in the driver's seat about not being needy, but it kind

of makes you come off like you might not be such a great guy.

There's a better way to do this. Say, "Hey, look. That whole part

about you not being able to cook very well kind of caught [your]

attention or it's something [you] would like to hear more about”, but

you just don't flatten the poor girl.

A great example here is a lot of times people won't have their

spelling perfect in a profile, and guys will correct a woman's spelling

or draw attention to things she said that weren't quite in English and

make fun of it. Well, this makes a woman feel stupid. This is

different than teasing her in a fun and engaging way. So I would

generally avoid correcting misspellings, correcting English errors in

women's profiles because it isn't going to get you anywhere in

terms of creating attraction.

Notes


The funny thing is you may even get an email back that goes,

"Wow! Okay. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I'm going to

go correct my profile. Bye now." You didn't create attraction. You

didn't get where you wanted to be with this woman. So just avoid it,

guys. It gets you nowhere.

Now, one of the things that you can do that's fun is twist things

around in an unexpected way. In other words, let's say for example

she is one of these women who has three pictures of herself up

there then has three pictures of her cat. You could write her an

email going, "Wow…that trick of yours where you turn yourself into

a cat on demand as seen in your pictures is pretty cool. If you

promise to do that for me on the first date, we may have a deal." Do

you see how that would catch her attention? Women love that sort

of thing because it challenges them. It shows that you have that

little bit of a teasing flair to you but you're not a guy who insults her.

Now, I'll tell you what. When you write something of that ilk to a

woman and you get some kind of flippant response that goes,

"Those are pictures of my real cat, you idiot! What's wrong with

you?" what you can find out from there is that's the kind of woman

you're dealing with, see? She has no sense of humor. She can't

hang with your personality type and you wouldn't have had any fun

with her on a date anyway.

But see, when you’re mean to a woman and you get a mean

response back, what you've done is you've misrepresented

yourself. You've assumed the nonverbal communication that's

impossible to actually have happened and that's the bad part…and

that's what we want to avoid here. Make her feel good. Compel her

to write you back.

Keep the main thing the main thing. You don't want to get her to fall

in love with you right now. You don't want her to think you're the

Notes


world's smartest guy. The main goal here in sending a first email to

a woman is to get her to write you back. That's it.

And if you catch a woman's attention, if you intrigue her, if you

make the conversation just too darn good to pass up, guess what?

It's going to be irresistible for her to write you back. That's where it

all starts and that's what separates the guys who succeed at online

dating from the very beginning from the guys who quit early, is this

ability to engage with these first emails. See, we haven't even

gotten to the profile yet and you've already got women's attention.

Do you see how that works?

Now all of that said, let's talk for a second about something you've

probably never heard talked about ever anywhere before. I think

women have this bizarre sixth sense about them when it comes to

these kind of emails, and there's a certain situation I know of where

everything we're talking about here sort of goes out the window.

When you become a guy who expects results online and you're

already seeing some women, you're going out on dates, et cetera,

you have this savoir faire about you. You have this inherent

confidence that just can't be faked. You don't have neediness.

You're not begging women to write you back in any way, shape, or

form when you write emails.

And you might be surfing along sometime and you see a woman

who has something about her profile that you just know is sending

the wrong message, right? And you say to yourself, "Wow! This

woman really should fix her profile. She is not really my type. I'm

probably going to keep my search going and not spend a whole lot

of time on this woman, but I just can't resist." Right?

So I can't count how many times I've written something to the effect

of "Hey, you know, you really aren't my type but you may want to

Notes


word ‘X’ differently in your profile. If you're wondering why you're

getting so many emails from guys focusing or sex or whatever or

giving you very forward emails, that's why." Okay? And you know,

it's kind of a public service email I'm sending this woman, and it is

remarkable how many times she'll write back with things like, "Um,

are you sure I'm not your type? You haven't even met me yet."

You see, she is using your indifference as an excuse to chase you.

All of a sudden she is trying to impress you, and it's all because you

said you weren't impressed with her. Crazy! Why does this

happen? Well, because you're obviously a guy with options who

presented himself as a caring guy. In other words, you had some

kind of positive concern about her, but you were not needy at all.

You see, this is a key insight into how women think. You tell her

she can't have you and then she wants you. I call this “The Keep

Away Message”. Most guys who do discover this do so by pure

chance and by being authentically the kind of guy we're talking

about here. In other words, they actually cared about this woman

even though they weren't particularly drawn to her.

It's kind of a dangerous gambit to run this kind of game with women

you really want to meet, but I will stand behind the concept of it

working almost flawlessly. I would say if I've sent 50 emails like this

in real life; over half of them got returned with a woman who was

trying to talk to me and further the conversation. Amazing, amazing

stuff.

And yeah, you know what? Sometimes these women are sharp

women, they're just not really my type. So it isn't necessarily

women who are substandard or below average or certainly below

your standards who are going to reply to this. It could be literally

any woman.

Notes


But the biggest gift to you there, knowing that that happens, is

knowing that when a woman can honestly perceive that you're a

great man behind there and you're a man with options and you're a

man who isn't just hounding her and being Mr. Nice Guy trying to

get to her—in other words, you're not just trying to get something

out of her, you're not going in there with preconceived

expectations—then she all of a sudden starts feeling comfortable

with you and this is what paves the way for you. It makes a street of

pure gold for you guys in terms of building rapport with this woman

and starting the conversation.

Here is another thing I do when I meet women that is kind of clever

and really kind of funny. So many people have such boring user

names that you can literally do a global search on a Match.com or

Yahoo using today's date in the search.

For example, let's say today is July 26. You would run 7/26 in your

user name search, find all of the women who were, I don't know,

close to you, 100 miles from you, who had that in their username,

and just start typing, "Happy Birthday!" to them and see how many

results you get back. People will think that you're clairvoyant. These

women will think you have superpowers.

But I'll tell you, it's kind of a fun thing to do. It's a hilarious thing to

do. Who knows? You might make some friends…or even if you

have some in your metro area. Again, if you're in a huge metro

area, two or three will come up, and this is a great way to start

building rapport with women, and it's a heck of a lot of fun.

Now, if a woman sends a "No, thank you" to you; in other words, if

she says, "Thanks for writing, but I'm really not interested," or she

sends one of those stock "I'm not interested" things to you, she

meant it, okay? When you hear "I'm not interested" from a woman

that is a clear signal.

Notes


If you get no answer from a woman, bear in mind that women are

inundated with emails. Again, you might not have been rejected.

You may not have even been noticed.

Now, here is also something that I found to be true. It's a bit

controversial but I will stand behind what I'm about to say because

I've seen it work time and time again. I believe that some of the

very sharpest women out there often wait for second emails to

come from guys before they'll respond at all. Like I said, it has

worked a lot of times for me.

What happened there is women are getting a lot of emails or even

getting a lot of first emails from guys, but they want to know the

guys who are particularly drawn to them enough to remember them

after a few days and come back and say to them, "Hey, look. I'm

still interested in you."

There are two ways you can deploy a successful second email

strategy. Say, "Hey, look. I barely even know you yet and you're

already playing hard to get." That works wonders. It's kind of fun;

it's kind of playful. You'll get responses from women that vary from

"Oh, my gosh, I didn't even notice the first time you emailed me" to

"Oh, you know what? I'm just super busy and I saw your email and I

thought you were cool. I just haven't had a chance to respond to

you. Thank you for reminding me." Either way, she is interested in

you…and aren't you glad you wrote the second email?

The other way you can do this is a much more direct game, and

that is "Hey, look. I've noticed that the particularly sharp women

online wait for a guy to notice them, and then they wait for them to

remember them and email them a second time. I'm one of those

guys and this is your second email." It floors women. It's like—

again—you have superpowers. They'll respond and go, "You know,

Notes


I've never even really noticed I do that, but you're right, I do. I wait

for that."

Or some women will come right out and say it. That's why I know

this to be true because I've actually asked the question point-blank

and women have responded affirmatively; and the sharper the

woman it is, the more likely she is to behave like this. Because

remember, guys, these women are looking for a man who is going

to look beyond their beauty, who is going to look beyond what their

pictures look like and is going to be a man of depth and of

character.

You demonstrate this by showing particular interest in one great

woman even when you're a guy who has these kind of options. It

shows that you're a veteran. It shows you know what you're doing

in the online dating world. It shows that you're one of those very

small percentage of guys who get it. Remember, it's those guys

who get all the great women, and what I just gave you is a very,

very key strategy to getting all of this right and getting those great

women.

Now, the concept of not getting written back by sharp women is

probably the best reason I can think of to be on two major sites. If

you get on two major sites, change up your pics and your profile

narrative as you get on that second site. For some reason, at times

you can get a woman's attention on the other sites where you

couldn't get her attention on the first site.

It's amazing how many of the same people you'll see from one site

to the next. If you had the same exact picture and profiles on the

other site and you've already failed at writing the woman on one

site, it's not going to do you any good to have the exact same thing

elsewhere. But if it's different, then it's kind of being able to test the

different strategy and perhaps get women to write you on that

Notes


second site where they wouldn't have written you on the first. I

would need both hands to count how many women I've met using

this strategy. It's amazing.

So definitely get on two major sites if you're in a major metro area

especially, and feel free to write women who have not responded to

you on one as you go to the next. Treat it as a new situation.

By the way, when you write a woman you've seen elsewhere and

not gotten a positive response from on the other site, don't say

something like, "Hey, you didn't write me on the other site, but…" et

cetera. Don't do that. Be natural. Treat it as a brand-new situation

and then watch the results happen for you.

By the way, what this also points to is the fact that there's not one

way to write your profile and there's not one way to write an email.

You can absolutely have two equally effective but completely

different profiles as you go from site to site. We'll talk more about

how you craft a great profile narrative in the second half of this

audio program, and when we do, you'll see exactly what we're

talking about.

Another thing that I have noticed is that the quality of women that

write you first when they do write you first can vary widely. Yeah,

some of these women are the desperate ones without many

options, but others are those very self-directed women who know

what they want. Check the profile of these women. Use all your

standards for evaluating profiles that we're talking about here to see

which scenario bears itself out.

But when you have a great profile, when you're sending the right

messages and the profile you have out there, this starts happening

more and more because remember, great men are hard to find

online. Just like we talked about from the very outset, some of

Notes


these women get sick of the mediocrity and even if they're more

likely at the beginning to wait for the guys to email them, sooner or

later many of them start taking fate into their own hands and start

actually looking for the guys they want to hear from. So keep that in

mind.

That mention of taking a look at a woman's profile to see whether

she is a sharp one or not segues us nicely into the next whole

section of screening women's profiles. Now, when you're looking at

a woman's profile, obviously you want to see if she is sharp or not.

And that speaks for itself because whatever your preferences are,

you're going to be looking for certain things. But you also want to be

able to screen for things that are incongruent and signal that the

person who is writing this profile is misrepresenting herself.

The first way to do that, of course, is pictures. If a woman has only

Glamour Shots up there, guys—and you know what I mean by

Glamour Shots, these places where they doll you up and take

pictures of you looking at your absolute best and you pay them for

the experience—run away. Any woman who has just Glamour

Shots up there is going to disappoint you in real life…and

moreover, she is planning on it or else she would have put more

real pictures up there. She would have put pictures of herself in her

"natural habitat" up there for you to see. If she were a woman who

was confident, she would not disappoint you with her appearance.

Do you see how that works?

Another indicator that a woman will disappoint you in real life based

on her pictures is if all of her pictures are too far away. If you can't

really see what she looks like, if you don't have any relative close-

ups at all, this woman is going to disappoint you.

Another key indicator is extreme facial close-ups. If a woman has a

very close-cropped facial shot, she's probably got a big body. She

Notes


is probably pretty chunky and she didn't want to disclose that. A lot

of women carry most of their weight in their body and not so much

their face, and if this is the case for her that's the only kind of

picture you're going to see on the profile.

Blurries. If it's a relatively blurry picture, she may say, "Hey, look. I

just don't have any better pictures of myself." Look, she either has a

digital camera or she has a friend with a digital camera. There is no

excuse for blurry shots. Guys, if she's got blurries, she's going to

look older or not as good in real life when you see her. If only shots

are up there that have her with a lot of makeup on, dressed up for a

night on the town, dressed to the nines, this is similar although not

quite as bad as the Glamour Shot effect, but I would take it as a red

flag.

If she never shows her teeth in any of her pictures, it could mean

she doesn't have very good teeth. Good teeth are important for

both men and for women because obviously, if you want to kiss a

woman, you want to make sure that that mouth is a mouth you want

to kiss.

Look for lack of congruence between the pics and the specs that

she has in her profile. Here is a great real-life example of that. One

time I was looking at a profile of a woman who said that she had an

11-year-old son in her profile. In her pictures she was holding a

toddler. I'm guessing the pictures were sort of old.

Another great real-life example was the woman who said that she

was a nonsmoker, and in one of her pictures she is holding a

cigarette while she is partying with her friends.

Incongruence…that's what we're talking about.

Look for porn girl pictures. Obviously, if the picture looks mildly

familiar because you saw it on a porn site somewhere—the

Notes


pictures, the thumbnail pictures of women before they take their

clothes off—you're dealing with a fake profile all the time, okay?

Here's a brief aside and it's all I'm going to say on this matter. If

you're on an adult site that's designed to generate casual sexual

encounters like an AdultFriendFinder, this problem that I'm talking

about right here—with the porn girl pictures, the fake profiles—is

going to be exponentially larger than it is on any other sites. So if

you go on those sites, bear in mind you're going to get exactly what

you're looking for and you're going to get what you deserve when it

comes to people with fake profiles and people scamming you.

Here is a little hint. Once you get your game down with online

profiles, you're going to find sexual women on all of these sites if

that's what you so choose. You don't need an AdultFriendFinder.

You just find the kind of women who turn you on and then you go

ignite femininity everywhere you go. If that's what you want, you'll

be able to find that without having to sort through literally the porno

sites that are the AdultFriendFinders of the world.

Now, let's talk about profile fakes. In the actual context of the profile

itself, how can you look for things that cue you to the fact that

you're wasting your time on this profile? Although men and women

tend to write as if they were writing to their own gender, beware of

emails from women that tend to understand men way too well, and

also be on the lookout for profiles that sound an awful lot like a guy

wrote it.

If you get the feeling like it sounds like a guy is talking, well the

chances are you're correct. Guys are doing these "recon profiles"

like Dave M. talks about, and that's a good thing like we mentioned,

but a lot of guys don't do their homework on these and they try to

write their profiles themselves, et cetera, et cetera. Don't get

sucked into this.

Notes


Now, I can think of two exceptions offhand where the woman who

emailed me first proved me wrong here because in those two cases

they just had a stunning way of relating to men that was a lot of fun

and both those women turned out to be great. But you got to be

wary and that's the key.

And you know, guys, that overall wariness as you're evaluating

women's profiles is always going to serve you well. That other

section we're doing here—that audio session we have in Online

Dating Domination about online dating safety—that really is for both

genders. I mean there's a lot of ways that people can scam you

online, guys.

Now, even if she is female, look for signs that she hates men. You

know, if she talks about "All men want the same thing. I don't really

believe there's a lot of guys out there who are any different, but I

guess I'm holding out," et cetera, et cetera.

Selfishness. If she talks about what she wants and "If you're not

going to give me this, don't even bother." As a matter of fact, if you

see "don't bother" a lot in a woman's profile she is very self-

absorbed and very self-centered. And you know what you should

do? You guessed it. Don't bother.

Overdependence on her looks. In other words, "Hey, look. Here is

the entire context of my whole narrative. You've seen the pictures.

If you like what you see, email me." Guys, if you're talking about the

very sharpest women you're ever going to meet online, you deserve

better.

Pretty faces are a dime a dozen. Great women are not. If you're

one of these guys who deserves the greatest women online, you

can pretty much disqualify any woman who is just betting her looks

are going to get her what she needs. Hey, look. She is going to get

Notes


the mighty 97% of guys emailing her, giving her the ego stroke that

she is trying to get there. Let them put all their time and energy into

that woman. She is not worth it to you.

Erratic behavior. That portends a lot of drama or a world of pain. If

a woman is saying, "Hey look, here is what I would like to do," and

in another part of her profile she is saying the exact opposite, if

things just don't add up, then you know what? In real life, she is

going to be the same way. If she is a drama queen in her profile,

she is going to be a drama queen in real life, even starting with the

first dates.

Now, we talked a little bit in the pictures section about how to bust a

smoker who says she is a nonsmoker. Well, in the profile itself, in

the wording, if she says she is a nonsmoker or a nondrinker, but in

the Who I'm Looking For section she says, "I'm willing to deal with a

guy who smokes occasionally or drinks a lot," I found that to be a

very strong indicator that she is not being truthful. Guys, you know

as well as I do that people who don't smoke generally can't stand to

be around smokers. Keep that in mind.

There's plenty more to cover when it comes down to finding out

what the fake profiles look like and doing this profile evaluation, and

we'll cover all of that and much more in the second half of this

program. Stay tuned.

Notes

Documents

Online Dating Domination -- Part One