Oh, the Places You’ll Poo!The joy of dog ownership.

Inspired by Dr. Seuss.

Written & Illustrated by Max Cougar Oswald

For Al.

Congratulations!You made the right call.You got a pet dog.You’re in for a ball!

You'll be a great owner for this loyal steed.You'll have great adventures and make a great team.

Wherever you gohe’ll be by your side.Your neighbors will waveand you’ll smile with pride.

You’ll walk to the beach for a swim and a fetch.Then lay in the sand for a nap and a stretch.

Friends will admire.Ladies will swoon.

Your Instagram followswill shoot to the moon.

He’s got papers to prove it– his genes are world-class!Generations of medalsgold, silver, and brass.

You'll teach him great tricks,And he’ll learn with great speed.Sit-n-spins, Wag-n-rolls,He’ll be best of his breed!

You’ll march over mountains!You’ll hike and you’ll climb!

I’d say you are in for a wagging-good time.

Soon he’ll becomeyou’re very best pal.

Witness to your life.A source of morale.

But there’s one other thingthat he’ll certainly do.And like it or not,you’ll partake in it too…

Oh, the Places You’ll Poo!

To the world, your dog's an extension of you.Anything that he does reflects onto you.

For each dropping he leaves,you'll take the blame.

People will scold you.They'll whisper “for shame…”

They won't understand that his poo's not your fault.

They’ll act as if YOU pooped on their asphalt.

In the street. On the rocks. On a mural of chalk.And then in the midst of a crowded cross-walk.

You’ll poop on a lawn.You’ll poop in a crack.You’ll poop on a hero’s memorial plaque.

You’ll poop at a picnic (beneath the buffet).You’ll poop right on top of a sprinkler (pre-spray).

You’ll poop in a puddle.You’ll poop by mistake.You’ll poop in a huddle.You’ll poop in the lake.

You’ll poop outside the old-folks’ home on a fragile antique garden-gnome.

You’ll poop right when you leave.Then again minutes later halfway up the escalator.

You’ll poop in a queue.You’ll poop down a hatch.You’ll poop in Ms. Pillywigs’ prized cabbage patch.

You’ll run out of poop-bags. It will not be fun.Improvised scooping’s easier said than done…

You’ll need to bring spares.No amount is enough!Keep rolls of them stashedin all of your stuff.

Tie a few to his collar.Hide one in your cuff.Keep a few in your wallet.And more in your buff.

Still, once it’s baggedthat’s only step one.After that, your stuckwith a bag full of dung.

Rarely you’ll find yourself close to a can.You’ll often be stuck with it warm in your hand…

You’ll train him at homebut it will all be for naught.

The second he leaves for his afternoon trot, 

all rules are abandoned,all lessons forgot.

He’ll cause inconvenience, frustration, and rage.

You’ll want to cry “WHY ARE YOU SO MISBEHAVED?!”

But you’ll always forgive him,because he’d forgive you.

And one day you’ll look back,and realize that it’s true…

Life’s greatest treasuresall come with poo.

The End.

Writing & Illustration by Max Cougar Oswald

Max Cougar Oswald is a 24 year-

old graduate student at Stanford,

where he studies Design and

Engineering.

He and his beloved dog, Alex,

live happily in Palo Alto, CA.

See more of his work at

www.MaxCougarOswald.com

About the Author