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R E A D I N GEMBRACING AND INCLUDING THE INNER CHILD
Regardless of who you are, how successful or seeking, how grounded or
lost… your inner child is in there somewhere. She sits either quietly or in
a fullon tantrum, or somewhere in between every second of every day,
within you. Sometimes you acknowledge her, and sometimes doing so
would be far too inconvenient.
In our culture of busy busy busy, too often the concept of kindness is
lost. Sometimes we forget to be kind to others, but more often and most
damagingly, we forget to be kind to ourselves. The problem with this
process is that inside, we are all just little kids who didn’t get what they
needed. Even if you had an idyllic childhood, often it was still impossible
for you to extract every reaction or bit of attention you needed at the
moment to feel fully safe and grounded. Little by little, these
experiences of confusion or perceived abandonment build up within us,
and our natural human reaction is to become hardened to the need for
nurturing.
This is certainly not all bad! In fact, this strength we build is absolutely
necessary for a fulfilling life. I mean, what would the world be like for
someone who needed constant acknowledgment and nurturing? A very
sad and lonely place, that’s for sure. The problem is that as we develop
and grow we tell ourselves, defensively, that we don’t need to be heard,
or acknowledged, or complimented, or even loved.
FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN | © 2016 NICOLE SACHS
This defense mechanism often goes way too far, and we push away
even the most basic human requirement for others to pay attention to
our needs. Even worse, we follow suit ourselves and deny our own little
voice when he cries for attention.
The little girls and boys inside of you, still very much alive, are hurt and
angry that you have grown up and left them behind. They don’t tell you
often, with their voices. They’ll give you a backache instead, because
they don’t know how to communicate any other way. In exactly the
same fashion that the brain “protects” us from feeling painful emotions,
it will keep us from hearing the voice of that child for fear that we would
drown in its neediness.
Gratefully, this is not true. Embracing and including your inner child is a
hell of a lot easier than trying constantly to shove it away. If you have
children or have spent time around them, you can understand this on a
real level. If a fiveyearold wants your attention, the most surefire way
to make him as annoying as possible is continuing to tell him to go away.
It is much more pleasant (and far less time consuming) to just show
some love and caring, and listen for a minute or two. Then he’s off on
his way until the next thing you need to watch! Little by little, as he
trusts that he will have your attention when he needs it, he will stop
bugging you every second to look at him. He will go and enjoy his play
time.
The little you inside is the same. You have spent years being very busy
and very distracted, and perhaps in a lot of pain which takes a lot of
your energy.
FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN | © 2016 NICOLE SACHS
When you are “nurturing” yourself by going to doctor’s appointments
and bemoaning your fate about your life of chronic pain or conditions,
you can convince yourself that you are giving the child what she needs,
but you’re wrong. She is begging for the kind of attention that is not
motivated by fear, but by love. That kind of attention is only really
possible with a clear heart, and when we struggle in pain, our hearts are
so full of panic that we can only see clear to surviving moment to
moment. You can keep her at bay with this kind of attention, but you
won’t heal her.
Using what you’ve learned in the guided meditation in this lesson, begin
the process of inviting that child to speak to you. What didn’t she get?
What would she love to have from you today? What will that require of
you? Does this feel hard, or easy now that you know it exists? Use the
writing exercise today to explore these feelings, and open yourself to
the possibility that healing is always available to us when we know what
to do.
FREEDOM FROM CHRONIC PAIN | © 2016 NICOLE SACHS