NEW ENGLAND CHAPTER OF THE ASSOCIATION FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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Susan is a nursing director in a major teaching hospital. Jerry works as a business analyst for a large financial firm. Helen is the program director of a public radio station, and Jon is a senior executive for a

multi-national high-tech manufacturing company. None of them is a mediator, but they’re all professional conflict resolvers. Over the last 22 years, about 500 people have received advanced degrees from the Graduate

P r o f e s s i o n a l s i n c o n fl i c t management and dispute resolution are developing new ways to use their tools and techniques, some of which are as exciting as the experiments in the early days of modern dispute resolution 30 years ago. This article focuses on only one area, coaching, which I believe can be an important part of a neutral’s professional practice and help organizations take full advantage of conflict management techniques.

Or put your conflict resolution tools to work

SAVE THE DATEand

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

September 16, 2008 5:30-7:30 pm NE-ACR

Fall program“Beyond Mediation:

ADR-connected careersin today's workplace”Stratton Student Center

at MIT

Have you heard the one about the orange? It’s an old mediation chestnut. Two ladies are doing the weekly shopping. Cruising the aisles of the grocery store, Sarah spies the last blood orange in a bin in the produce section. Mary, who has been planning her evening meal, also sees the orange. They reach for the orange simultaneously. Neither will let go, and the fight escalates from there. The manager tries to referee the dispute but finally decides to call his friend Sharon, who has a mediation practice down the street. Sharon sits down with the women to talk. Of course, you – and thousands of others who have seen or used this demonstration in mediation training – know what happens next: the neutral skillfully helps everyone realize that one little orange can satisfy the needs of both customers. One woman wants orange zest for a cake; the other wants only the juice. We get this. But, I wonder, do we also see that the message applies to our own profession? Mediation, just like that single piece of fruit, is so much more than the whole.

This is the first of two issues on

using ADR skills. Part two will appear

in December. Share your story by

emailing news@neacr.org.

In this issue PageStop being a mediator 1By Dina Lynch Eisenberg

Conflict coaching 1By James E. McGuire

Putting skills to work 1By Roni Lipton

Conflict Resolution Day 6

In every issue 10 questions for: 2Camilo Azcarate

From the president 3By Mindy Milberg

Bookmark: 8Plato and a PlatypusWalk into a BarBy James E. McGuire

NE-ACR News

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By Dina Lynch Eisenberg

Volume #16 Issue #4 Fall 2008

Stop being (merely) a mediatorUnbundling skills

Travel a roadcalled coaching

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© VisionsofAmerica/Joe Sohm/Getty Images

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By James E. McGuire

By Roni Lipton

NEW ENGLAND CHAPTER OF THE ASSOCIATION FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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NEW ENGLAND CHAPTER OF THE ASSOCIATION FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

How did you get started in ADR? During my last year of law school in Colombia, in 1991, I was asked to create a mediat ion center for the school , a complement of the law clinics providing free services to low-income clients. I hadn’t been trained in mediation – we didn’t have any classes -- so I had to start reading about it on my own. I later formed a law partnership with a negotiation expert in Colombia. Our practice mixed negotiation and law; today we would call it collaborative law. I also taught at two universities in Colombia. In 1996, after I moved to the United States to continue my studies, I applied to UMass so I could understand the theory behind the work I had been doing. You’ve had several ADR-connected jobs. How do you describe your career path? One reason I’ve been in so many jobs is that I don’t see my profession as being just a mediator. That is one of the things that I do, but I’ve always seen myself as someone who helps others deal with conflict. Sometimes that involves analyzing the conflict, which of course happens in mediation, but it also happens in ombuds work. While studying at UMass, I worked with David Matz and Nadim Rouhana, who were both teaching there, helping with different research projects. I think David’s good reference helped me get hired as government programs coordinator at MODR, the Massachusetts Office of Dispute Resolution, which was a great learning opportunity. We worked with other agencies and sometimes administrative or judicial bodies to design conflict-handling systems, and we also provided facilitation services. I supported the process for the Housatonic River PCB cleanup effort, with the unforgettable late Jane Wells as lead facilitator. At the same time, as a volunteer affiliate with the Program on International Conflict Analysis and Resolution at Harvard’s Weatherhead Center for International Affairs, I worked on several projects with Donna Hicks, PICAR’s executive director and an incredible example

of a scholar-practitioner. When my fiancée moved to Miami to finish her graduate studies, I was lucky to find a job in Fort Myers as director of the new Conflict Resolution Institute and a faculty member of Florida Gulf Coast University. I developed a close relationship with FGCU’s ombuds Charles McKinney and started doing ombuds work, which I liked a lot.What does a university ombuds do? A university ombuds is a designated neutral who is independent from the administration and reports to the highest possible officer (in my case, the provost). The ombuds’ main function is to serve as a confidential resource for a certain group (in my case, all the students, faculty, and staff). Sometimes people visit the office, which is close to campus, to check which policies apply to their situation. Or they may want to know how to file a formal grievance (my associate and I don’t handle grievances, but we can point people in the right direction). Most of the time, though, people just want to chat about a conflict with someone who has the training and experience to help them analyze the situation. In that capacity we act as a sounding board. In this respect, an ombuds is the perfect capstone of a conflict resolution system, complementing all the other parts by acting as a “safety net” for situations that would otherwise fall through the cracks. Another function of an ombuds is to provide systemic feedback. We can identify trends and make recommendations using aggregate information that protects the confidentiality of individual visitors. Many offices also offer mediation facilitation and training, all on a voluntary basis.What concerns come to your office? Most of our visitors are employees who are experiencing conflicts with another employee or a supervisor. Students (and their parents) also raise issues dealing with housing, roommates, or discipline. We also help faculty dealing with conflict in their departments. If students come to you looking for advice about a career in ADR, what do you say? My advice is always the same: ADR is a

career that requires deep vocation and is not for everyone, but it’s a unique chance to work with great colleagues in something as interesting and challenging as conflict. I truly believe that in an interdependent world, good conflict management is going to become a necessity. What do you like most about your job? Helping others understand what is going on, the puzzling phenomena that are engaging them deeply, painfully, and then empowering them to handle their conflict with a better knowledge of what is in their power – this is what I like most. When visitors leave the office with a different outlook, their faces a bit more relaxed, that’s my reward. When they’re grateful, that’s a bonus.What do you like least? As dispute resolution professionals and ombuds in particular, we must understand that our capacity to help people help themselves is limited. Learning to live with those limits is important for becoming a professional in this field. This is why ADR is not for everyone. If you can’t live with uncertainty, you’re going to have a hard time. What would your worst enemies (or least close colleagues) say about you? My work involves a lot of active listening. Outside of work, though, I have strong opinions, and I’m not shy about sharing them with friends and acquaintances. This is particularly the case with issues of fairness. My passion on those subjects can be interpreted as being stubborn or hardheaded. What about your best friends? Honest, generous, fair. One friend called me a “natural teacher” with a deep love and vocation for what I do. I thought he was being too generous.When you go to sleep at night, what do you think about? My family.

10 Questions for Camilo AzcarateCamilo Azcarate has been the ombuds officer for Princeton University since 2003. Azcarate, who

received his master’s from UMass/Boston’s Graduate Programs in Dispute Resolution, is also a mediator,

facilitator, and trainer. He can be reached at azcarate@princeton.edu.

Camilo with daughters Sofia and Francesca

and his wife, Johana

Lukauskis

Louisa Wi#iams, editor of NE-ACR News, conducts “10 Questions” interviews, condensing responses as needed. To su%est a subject, email her at news@neacr.org .

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The chapter’s board of directors is grateful to the many past and present members who took time to respond to our recent survey, sharing information and suggestions about how NE-ACR can better serve their interests.

The board is reviewing responses, but there’s still time to give us your thoughts. To do so, just follow this link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=LIDX9t24L47zcZ4haRPIHQ_3d_3d

If you can’t get the link to work, email news@neacr.org and we’ll send it to you directly.

From time to time, people considering a career in dispute resolution, hearing that I’ve been involved in the field for many years, ask my advice. In general, they’re weighing the time and expense involved in qualifying for practice against the rewards and gains of working in dispute resolution. Some want to make a living; some want a satisfying career. My response: Go ahead. You can take many paths in this profession, and the journey is well worth the investment. People attending basic training often hear cautionary words from their trainers. “Don’t quit your day job,” they say. Better advice, though, might be, “How can we change our day jobs to incorporate the exciting, helpful, and thoughtful aspects of mediation techniques and skills?” When I took my basic mediation training, one of my fellow trainees was a dental hygienist

looking for help dealing with conflicts in her office. She had no dreams of launching a private mediation practice, and she learned a lot. The variety and diversity of practices and careers present a challenge and opportunity for individuals as well as organizations such as NE-ACR. How can we satisfy the needs and expectations of our members, who span so many disciplines, specialties, and geographical areas? A program or newsletter focused solely on family mediation, for example, may not interest members who specialize in environmental or public policy disputes or those who want only to improve customer relations. Is there enough common ground to unite us? NE-ACR’s board of directors recently emailed a survey to past and present members, trying to understand their interests. (If you haven’t completed the survey, you can still do so by following the

instructions below.) Directors are committed to discussing and responding to your concerns, and we welcome input. The survey responses have provided valuable insight on a wide range of topics, including programs, NE-ACR’s website, and benefits. We promise to study your answers and develop a strategy to move NE-ACR forward in the direction that best meets your needs. Please take note: Our December 11 conference and December 12 master class in Shrewsbury, Massachusetts, will provide a forum to celebrate the growth of dispute resolution in its many forms. In tribute to our 15th year as a chapter, we’ll also be honoring NE-ACR’s past presidents. I look forward to seeing many of you there.

Mindy Milberg is a mediator and lawyer who practices in Natick, Massachusetts. She can be reached at milberg@milbergmediation.com

NEW ENGLAND CHAPTER OF THE ASSOCIATION FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

By Mindy Milberg

From NE-ACR’s president

© iStockphoto.com/Joe Biafore

NE-ACR News is published electronically four times a year by the New England chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution and is a benefit of membership. It is edited by Louisa Williams with help from fellow NE-ACR board member Arline Kardasis and former board member James E. McGuire. Issues are posted on the News & Events section (click on “Newsletter” on the drop-down menu) of www.neacr.org and archived on that site. NE-ACR retains joint copyright in all editorial work but will grant reprint permission to qualified organizations or individuals upon request. To request permission to reprint, comment on an issue, or suggest an idea for a feature story, interview subject, or book review, check the submission guidelines on the Newsletter page of neacr.org or email the editor at news@neacr.org.

In our profession, people can take many paths

About this newsletter

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Of course your skills as a mediator enable you to mediate, but what if you could do more with them? What if you could use the skills to make money – or, if that’s not your aim, keep busy and help others – away from the mediation table? Michael Gerber, author of “The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don’t Work and What to Do about It,” says the reason most small operations don’t prosper is because the owner works in the business instead of on it. That seems true for mediators as well. We spend our time being technicians, doing the work. You know, booking clients, scheduling sessions, keeping accounts, writing marketing materials, and from time to time, mediating. It’s no wonder we don’t have the energy to think about our business goals. But if we want to flourish – and help more people – we need to devote our energies to being strategic thinkers who plan for growth, sustainability, and profit as well as talented mediators who provide valuable services. If you have a solo shop – and most of us do – ask yourself this: How much time have I devoted to setting my personal and business goals for next week? Next month? Next year? Although planning may seem daunting, many websites such as www.startupnation.com and www.countmein.org provide guidance. Remember the saying: Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. One way to extend your reach as a mediator and your income is to unbundle your skills, those skills you’ve worked so hard to develop, the ones that make you an effective mediator. If you can separate your knowledge, experience, and skills from the mediation process and put them to use in related areas, you can build revenue streams that will ease the “feast and famine” syndrome and boost your income. So what do you know? Plenty. Often, maybe in an effort to appear neutral or humble, we downplay our skills and the importance of our roles. If you feel a bit anxious about coming out of the background, remember the words of Nelson Mandela (or, as some say, of writer Marianne Wilson): “Your playing small does not serve the world,” Mandela said. “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Your mindset makes all the difference, so do what you need to do to acknowledge your own worth. In your training and in all your work since, even the volunteer work, you’ve learned how to formulate and ask questions that encourage others to open up and talk about what really matters. Most of us can probably craft neutral, open-ended questions in our sleep. What we may forget, though, is how unusual this really is. The next time you’re in a group of people, listen closely. You’ll hear misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and assumptions. You’ll hear statements cleverly

disguised as questions as a way to deliver messages or avoid confrontation. Most people can’t even listen without reacting defensively. You know how to do that and more, such as rebuilding trust when it’s lost; staying cool in a crisis; seeing the opportunities for change. You may take these skills for granted, but don’t. Recognize their power and use it to improve your business and the lives of your clients, including the ones who aren’t interested in mediation.

Now imagine taking that expertise into new settings. In mediation, we talk about changing the frame and looking at something with new eyes. Why not bring that perspective to your practice? Change your label from mediator to innovative solution provider, and what happens? Your horizons expand. You can offer your expertise to people who are struggling with conflict but don’t l ike that word. You can advise employees on how to work together better. You can help cities be safer. Change the name, and it’s a whole new ballgame. I discovered this after a few months of listening to my phone not ring. I became a communication consultant, which led

to my work with Bank of Boston in the 1990s. Senior leadership had a problem: an overworked human resources team. They didn’t ask for mediation, and I didn’t offer it. Each meeting was an opportunity for me to use my questioning and clarifying skills to discern their real needs and concerns. Those conversations lead me a solution: transferring some of the problem-solving skills of the HR managers to the managers they served. I used my expertise to teach the HR pros to ask clarifying questions instead of accepting managers’ assessments of situations at face value. As a result, managers became more thoughtful about what they needed, and the HR team could spend less time fixing specific issues and more time guiding the managers to a higher level of success. The bank loved the result and was a loyal customer for years. One practitioner who understands the concept of unbundling is Cinnie Nobles of www.cinergycoaching.com. Among many other services, Nobles, a Canadian who has worked as a social worker and mediator/lawyer, provides conflict coaching, teaching executives and managers to respond, rather than react, to conflict. Not into corporate work, you say? No problem. Unbundling also works for other practices. Dana Greyson, a mediator who works in Oregon and Washington state, serves divorced parents who want to get along for their kids’ sake. When she encounters one parent who wants to mediate and one who doesn’t (not exactly a rare experience), she transforms the case from mediation to a coaching engagement called divorce coaching. Greyson goes further by offering a variety of resources on her site, www.xandparent.com, that allow her to go on vacation or be out of the office without losing clients. You can also help clients and potential clients by providing information. Take elder care mediation as an example. If you enjoy writing and are willing to learn a few online techniques, you could:

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♦ Write an article aimed at baby boomers who are worried about talking to their parents about final care plans, setting out some guidelines for how to start the conversation and what topics to cover. Offer it at no charge to your community newspaper or use an o n l i n e a r t i c l e b a n k s u c h a s www.ezinearticles.com to distribute it to newsletter publishers across the nation. Prospective clients can get to know you without any cost or risk.♦ Publish a 15-page ebook covering the 10 most common questions families ask about elder mediation. Consider putting the book on your website and using www.paypal.com to collect a small sum, say $9 to $15, as a new revenue stream.

♦ Host a question-and-answer teleseminar in which participants can get answers to their particular questions for $25 per person. A site such as www.instantteleseminar.com can help you create and market your talk. Just think: for about the same amount of time you might spend in free consultations with only a few strangers, your article will give you exposure and credibility as an information resource and solution provider. The ebook will make you some money and in the process, enlarge your list of potential clients, perhaps marking the start of a long relationship. Through the teleseminar, participants can experience you in real time, gaining trust in you while getting valuable information. All this takes time – and courage.

Building your own business is a challenge, especially when you consider that we trained to be neutrals, not businesspeople. But the rewards – freedom to design the life you want; financial peace of mind; being able to do work you love – are considerable. Your next step: take some action. Whether that’s doing more research or planning your first product, every step will get you closer to h e l p i n g m o r e p e o p l e a n d y o u r s e l f . Remember, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, “We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time.”

Dina Lynch Eisenberg is a mediation marketing specialist who helps mediators build profitable b u s i n e s s e s . S h e c a n b e r e a c h e d at www.ADRPracticebuilder.com

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Programs in Dispute Resolution at UMass/Boston, all of them trained in mediation and conflict resolution. While only a minority have built careers as mediators in the traditional sense, most report putting their conflict resolution skills to good use in all aspects of their lives, especially their professional careers. In some cases, graduates have continued in the careers they had before studying ADR, using their new skills to enhance their job performance. Jon, for example, says that when he was asked to coordinate operational, sales, and marketing efforts for an international product, understanding cross-cultural conflict was crucial in developing processes that would accommodate many professional cultures as well as languages, regional customs, and time zones. “I realized that I was functioning as a professional boundary spanner,” he said recently, drawing on the same skills he learned mediating small claims cases in the Massachusetts District Courts. Susan’s conflict resolution training, she says, has helped her immeasurably in managing more than 50 employees in the high-pressure atmosphere of a general medical unit in a busy city hospital. With active listening, reframing, and focusing on interests, she sets an example of a collaborative work style and has conducted staff retreats at which she led discussions on conflict styles and other topics.

A while back, when hospital colleagues disagreed about transferring patients among units, she was able to uncover underlying needs and interests and work collaboratively to craft solutions. As a result, colleagues and higher-ups alike have recognized her as a “subject matter expert” whom people turn to for advice and help in handling conflict: She’s been asked to design training sessions for peers and work with strategic committees addressing challenges such as “lateral violence” among employees and dealing with patients with behavioral issues that threaten the safety of other patients and staff. Somehow finding time in all this, Susan wrote a chapter in “The Negotiator’s Fieldbook: The Desk Reference for the Experienced Negotiator, ” which was edited by Andrea Kupfer Schneider and Christopher Honeyman and published in 2004 by the American Bar Association Section on Dispute Resolution. Called “Non-events and Avoiding Reality,” the chapter draws on her experience in health care and deals with what can happen when one side in a potential negotiation withholds information. Conflict resolution skills and training have helped other UMass/Boston graduates work into new positions. The press release announcing Helen’s appointment as program director of a public radio station in a new city touted her experience as a producer for public

radio – and her background in conflict resolution. “It certainly was a key factor in my being chosen,” she says. Two years after her promotion, Helen is more convinced than ever that “successful

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management requires mediation and negotiation skills.” Communication issues, she says, lie at the root of most staff conflicts, and the key to unraveling these is not only encouraging clear communication but ensuring that all potential stakeholders’ interests are taken into account. As she puts it, she’s become “an obsessive loop-closer.” Her conflict management skills have been especially helpful in interacting with listeners. “People who call the station because they are upset don’t expect to be heard,” she says, “but that’s the focus of my contact with them. Every person who calls is incredibly passionate about what we do. Most of us don’t have this luck, to have other people feel so strongly about the work we do.” Jerry didn’t know what to expect when a friend sent his resume to a professional colleague and Jerry was called for an interview with the head of IT services for a large financial services company. What caught the

hiring manager’s eye, Jerry said, were his conflict management training and skills, which apparently more than offset his lack of experience in computer technology or finance. The company needed a liaison between its o w n I T p r o f e s s i o n a l s , w h o w e r e implementing a large company-wide software change, and the internal end-users. Five business units were involved, most of which had been using proprietary systems that were incompatible with the new software. But the new software was essential to the strategic interests of the larger corporation; its implementation was non-negotiable. Hundreds of “profiles,” or collections of data, had to be translated to the new platform. In the four months the project had been under way, however, only two had been completed. Jerry stepped into an established process fraught with mistrust. Facilitating his first meeting, he called on all his mediation skills, listening for interests, reframing, and asking open-ended questions.

“It was easy to maintain my neutrality,” he said, “since I really didn’t understand most of the technical issues that were in contention.” Between meetings he worked to understand the issues and identify gatekeepers and roadblocks. In time, he gained the trust and respect of all parties. After six months, the group has processed another 30 profiles, and the pace has been accelerating. Jerry’s official title is business analyst, and the sessions and meetings he attends aren ’ t anything l ike what a k n o w l e d g e a b l e p r o f e s s i o n a l w o u l d characterize as mediation. But as new issues arise, instead of pointing fingers, Jerry reports, someone usually says, “let’s get ‘the Mediator’ involved. Jerry will help us work this out.”

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Roni Lipton is associate director of UMass/Boston’s Graduate Programs in Dispute Resolution and a member of NE-ACR’s board of d i r e c t o r s . S h e c a n b e r e a c h e d at roni.lipton@umb.edu.

Mark your calendar: October 16    Conflict Resolution Day is an international celebration held annually on the third Thursday in October.    Some organizations in New England were still planning events or observations for October 16 at the time this newsletter was published, but others had firmed up enough details to mention:    The Massachusetts Bar Association will hold a morning program at its Boston headquarters on October 16, followed by a lunch and a lunchtime speech by John Fiske. The association plans three 45-minute presentations, each followed by a brief question-and-answer session, on

the use of case evaluations (John Fieldsteel), types and approaches of mediation (Warren Fitzgerald, Brad Honoroff, and Dawn Effron) and collaborative law (Karen Levitt and Michael Zeytoonian). For more information, contact mzeytoonian@hutchingsbarsamian.com or klevitt@levittlawgroup.com.    Up north, the Maine Association of Mediators will announce its plans for Conflict Resolution Day at its October 8 meeting. The meeting from 10 am to noon at the Abromson Center at the University of Southern Maine in Portland will be a first for the organization in

New England’s largest state: it will use video-conferencing, with a small charge to cover the cost of the technology, so people at the university, in Bangor, and in Augusta can all participate. For more information, contact abjones@maine.rr.com.  The Association for Conflict Resolution’s website, www.ACRnet.org/crday, has ideas for marking the day, including:§ Get a mayoral or gubernatorial proclamation§ Organize a student art or essay contest on a conflict resolution topic§ Host a mock mediation for policymakers or elected officials§ Recognize conflict resolution leaders and/or volunteers§ Create a “peace quilt” (better start sewing soon)

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My research and experience in this area are limited, but I hope my ideas will prompt others to share their experiences.

* * * Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines a coach as a private tutor or one who instructs or trains. The goal of this trainer-instructor, of course, is to make the performer better at what he or she does, drawing on the coach’s own knowledge and experience. When the field is conflict management, the coach’s role is to instruct, train, and tutor individuals and organizations so they can do a better job of managing conflicts on a d a i l y b a s i s , o f k e e p i n g s m a l l disagreements from degenerating into disputes. If a dispute does arise, coaching can help identify best practices for resolving the conflict and identifying and overcoming obstacles to resolution. Coaching is not mediation. A mediator may have all the same tools, but by definition, a mediator is a neutral in the middle of a dispute between or among various parties. A mediator usually enters the scene only after a conflict has developed into a concrete, specific dispute, usually after those involved have been unable to work things out on their own. Coaching differs in two key respects: a coach usually works with only one party, and he or she may be engaged at any stage, ideally long before a dispute has developed. Sophisticated organizations understand that conflicts are an inevitable aspect of running any business that involves people. Some bring in specialists to help train the workforce in conflict management techniques; neutrals in the dispute resolution field have been providing this type of training for many years. One effective training technique is to have participants supply examples from their own lives to use as a basis for developing role-plays and other instructional materials. Typically, the problems trainees present are real, current, and close to home, so role-play debriefing can sometimes become an impromptu conflict coaching session. In other cases, participants often approach the trainer during a break and say, “Can I talk to you later about a real problem that looks like this one?” When the trainer says, “Of course,” conflict coaching has begun.

People sometimes seek out a coach because no one in their organization is able – or maybe available or appropriate -- to help. Larger companies may have an ombuds or a skilled professional in human resources, but not every organization has such depth, and even that institutional capacity may not be suited to all business conflicts. * * * Tracy Brenner is a conflict coach in the technology field who consults on internal matters such as new product development as well as external challenges such as patent licensing. Many of her engagements are informal, in the form of a telephone call that starts, “Tracy, could you help me?” Often, Brenner reports, what works best is a negotiation analysis, in which she guides the discussion through an analysis of the conflict as if it were a negotiation. Like other coaches, Brenner helps the individual develop his or her own answers rather than dictating a plan of action or becoming an active participant in the negotiation. “Who are the real parties?” she asks. “What are the sources of power? What are the sources of uncertainty? What is the framework of the negotiation? What stage

is it at now? Is the negotiation monolithic or discreet? What are the interests? What’s the hierarchy of needs?” Josh Gordon, another experienced c o a c h , r e p o r t s t h a t e v e n i n organizations that have built their own negotiation and conflict management capacity through trainings and workshops, when facing a difficult problem, “people find the real world is messy” and are likely to turn to a trusted source for help. In his approach to conflict coaching, Gordon says, he’s prescriptive on process and facilitative on substance. Many people, he finds, are pretty good at identifying their BATNA/WATNA, or Best/Worst A l t e r n a t i v e s t o a N e g o t i a t e d Agreement, but not as strong in setting their own aspirational goals and understanding the other parties’ needs and interests. In some cases, people need help setting a firm foundation for negotiation; in others, developing next steps for a negotiation that has stalled or is “in flight,” after something went wrong, endangering a long-standing

relationship or the deal under discussion. While coaching may start with a phone call, Gordon and his clients typically forge a long relationship, staying in touch to discuss developments and next steps. Sometimes the follow-up call is simply, “Thanks. We couldn’t have done it without you. ”Or, “you just saved us thousands of dollars.” Corporate managers aren’t the only ones who recognize the value of conflict coaching. Through training and experience, many attorneys now prepare for a mediation with the same effort they would put into getting ready for trial, and a couple of hours with an experienced mediator/coach who is not involved in the case can be time and money well spent. Before mediation sessions get under way, a coach can help client and lawyer by observing and commenting on an initial presentation, reviewing strategies for the “dance for the dollars,” or guiding everyone through a true brain-storming session to consider alternative strategies not yet on the table. In all this, the coach doesn’t have to be neutral ; the goal is to improve the performance of the team that retained the coach. Attorneys who hire these mediator/

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Try traveling a road called conflict coaching

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Heard any good jokes lately? Many mediators, knowing that a well-timed quip or light joke can help relieve tension and restore perspective, use humor to help the parties and the process. If you’re looking for a book to make you laugh and learn at the same time, read “Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar…: Understanding Philosophy though Jokes” by Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein (Penguin Books 2008). This delightful little book, now out in paperback, was a New York Times bestseller for good reason: it’s fun to read and full of clever humor. In thumbnail sketches of various schools of philosophy from the last 3,000 years, the authors offer a joke or jokes to illustrate the central tenets of each doctrine. This provides a good review of the philosophies you once knew and an introduction to those you never studied or understood; it’s also a good excuse just to read a joke book. So if you want, you can skip the hard stuff and enjoy the jokes. In a private mediation caucus, one perennial problem is that the mediator(s) can be with only one party at a time. In those meetings, parties often become very engaged, focusing on their problem, their position, and their interests, and time can pass quickly, surprising even the mediator when what she said would be 15 minutes stretches to a half-hour. But for the other party, the one waiting alone in another room, 30 minutes can feel like an hour. Recognizing this,

many mediators try to warn parties that time is relative, a concept Cathcart and Klein explain this way: “A snail was mugged by two turtles. When the police officer asked the snail what happened, the snail said, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” Another constant challenge for mediators is helping parties understand that not everyone sees the world the same way. “Even though he doesn’t agree with all you’ve said,” the mediator might say,

“that doesn’t mean he’s just making it up or being disagreeable. He might just see things differently.” As Cathcart and Klein note, this can be true even for something as basic as 2 + 2 = 4. A Voohooni, a member of a tribe in Australia’s outback, tells a Western anthropologist that 2 + 2 = 5, they write. “The anthropologist asks him how he knows this. The tribesman says, ‘By counting, of course. First I

tie two knots in a cord. Then I tie two knots in another cord. When I join the two cords together, I have five knots.’ ” These jokes are gentle, unlikely to offend anyone. That may not be true for every joke in the book; some you may prefer to enjoy alone. People who know me know I love to read. I think of books as friends; when I find good ones, I want to share them. (As Groucho Marx said, “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.”) In the case of “Plato,” I think you’ll find humor makes good company and good medicine.

coaches know that an experienced mediator has seen many cases in a particular area and may have valuable insights that can help both attorney and client. Neutrals at JAMS, a nationwide ADR service provider organization, have been hired to coach people preparing for arbitrations, work that can include critiquing opening presentations in a mock hearing. Other neutrals have been retained for case evaluations. Few neutrals who offer this kind of evaluation limit their service to a pure comment on valuation; most report that discussions become general coaching sessions, helping the client and counsel prepare for the negotiation session.

* * * Conflict coaching clinics, in which a dispute resolution professional essentially holds “office hours” in a law firm’s conference room and meets by appointment with the firm’s attorneys to discuss specific challenges, can be efficient, fun, and educational for all concerned. In announcing the clinic, the coach may invite attorneys to outline their

problems in advance by email, but a good coach should be able to handle drop-ins, too. By appointment or by dropping into the clinic, an attorney presents the challenge -- a people problem, an information problem, a process problem, or something that doesn’t fit neatly into any one category – and then the coach facilitates a discussion with the attorney and anyone else present. That conversation usually unpacks the problem and develops options. As in other situations, the clinic coach can be prescriptive on process but not on substance, helping the attorney develop and “own” the strategy developed in the clinic. I’ve found that meeting with attorneys in a block of time, such as four hours, works better than booking individual appointments at specified times. If everyone is comfortable with others attending, individual attorneys can stick around and learn from and contribute to their colleagues’ challenges. In one clinic I ran last year, six problems were presented and discussed in one four-hour session. The problems included shutdown of a manufacturing plant; a $50 million-dollar product liability dispute involving primary and excess carriers; a

mortgage application fiasco after a bank backed out on a commitment; a software joint-venture dispute with two companies and a software development “genius”; an environmental problem arising out of development of a once-contaminated site; and a d i s p u t e b e t w e e n t h e t r u s t e e a n d beneficiaries of a family trust. Neutrals who have developed good process skills as facilitators or mediators can manage such discussions, elicit needed information, and help the presenter develop new approaches and new possible solutions without getting bogged down in the details of the dispute. Drawing on experience with similar matters in mediation, the neutral is often able to suggest pathways to a solution. Conflict coaching is as old as time and as young as these new opportunities, proving again that our field of conflict management and dispute resolution is vibrant and flexible. What’s your coaching success story? Please share it by emailing it to news@neacr.org

NEW ENGLAND CHAPTER OF THE ASSOCIATION FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

James E. McGuire is a mediator and arbitrator with JAMS, the Resolution Experts. He can be reached at jmcguire@jamsadr.com

Bookmark: Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...By James E. McGuire

In a clinic, one-on-one, or in the office, a coach can help

James E. McGuire i s a mediator and arbitrator with JAMS, the Resolution E x p e r t s . He c a n b e r e a c h e d at jmcguire@jamsadr.com

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