NARRATIVE REFLECTION

INTRODUCTION

Between three and four years ago, I did not believe I had the academic strength

to let alone enter a graduate program, never mind graduate. As it stands now, I

plan begin a doctorate degree in the next four to six years. Quite the

developmental journey has occurred since August 2013, below is a snapshot of

that development.

MOST IMPORTANT COURSE CONTENT

Critical self-reflection and dialogue are concepts that I began to develop

right from the beginning in our Multiculturalism for Social Justice and Student

Affairs Profession class. It was in these classes I realized I was socialized to be

comfortable, ashamed of my privileged identities, and reluctant to believe I could

be an oppressor. Dialogue, as defined by Paulo Freire as a moment where

humans meet to reflect on their reality, as they make and remake it helped me

develop the skills to go hard on ideas, but not people, and to challenge myself

though critical self-reflection by reflecting on my own privileged and oppressed

identities, my socialization, and my values.

Student development theory provided a map for me to use in discovering

where I can be good company with students. Identity development, cognitive

development, and intersectionality theory receive the most use in reflecting on

students journey. I also apply student development theory on myself, as I have

developed and will continue to develop throughout my professional career.

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Critical social theories and leadership in higher education, both taken in

the first semester of my second year, have been the most impactful classes I have

taken during the program. During critical social theories I learned the important

concepts of liberation pedagogy and critical hope. Liberation seeks to discover

educational practices that disempower people, and through restorative practices

of working with not for, providing efficacy for them to empower themselves.

Critical hope troubles hokey hope, and challenges us to end oppressive practices

despite the outcomes, essentially making a movement bigger than oneself.

In our leadership course, I learned I am the leader I have been looking for.

Before and during my undergraduate experience, leadership was constructed as

traits, values, and positionality. During the course, I learned to deconstruct,

reconstruct, and appropriate oppressive theories instead of dualistically

dismissing them. We are the leaders we have been looking for, as Grace Lee

Boggs noted, and that leadership for me is empowerment, liberation, and efficacy

building.

CONTENT TO PRACTICE

My motivation for working in queer student affairs in general, and as a

graduate assistant in the gender and sexuality resource center in particular stems

form my own higher education journey of feeling excluded from my first higher

education institution before transferring to Roosevelt University. However, my

practice has developed significantly because of our course content.

The program has made my think critically of what social justice means. I

realized I was a practitioner who would label something as socially justice,

without thinking critically about the definition of social justice. I now see

programs, policies, and practices in a spectrum ranging from diverse and

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inclusive, to multicultural, to socially just. This framework is not meant to

privilege one over the other, but rather to intentionally think of the outcomes of

our programs, policies, and practices. This framework particularly helped me

redevelop the Safe Space Ally Workshop, which promotes diversity and

inclusion, but moves beyond to discuss oppression, privilege, and positionality

in the context of LGBTQIA students, staff, and faculty at Northwestern.

Leadership has taught me to build efficacy for students leadership

potential, and validate the diverse array of leadership roles students choose.

This is particularly true with students who identify as activists at Northwestern,

who historically have not had student affairs practitioners to rely on for

navigation, mentorship, and leadership development. The leadership course has

provided a framework for me to develop leadership programming that looks

beyond traits, values, and positions; but rather mentorship and community. In

my internship at Northeastern Illinois University, I have begun to build

relationships for a mentorship program for men of color, to be paired with NEIU

staff, faculty, advanced graduate men of color.

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

The most consistent development I have learned to struggle with is the

ability to delegate and manage multiple tasks with a limited amount of time.

The director-less Gender and Sexuality Resource Center has challenged me to

facilitate new and developed programs, while doing my best to maintain 20

hours per week. This has required me to reach out to multiple campus partners

to assist in different GSRC initiatives, particularly folks I work with in Campus

Inclusion and Community and Multicultural Student Affairs. In areas of low

efficacy or with knowledge that a professor or practitioner may judge work I

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have created, I create the paper, program proposal, or presentation with

perfectionism, which has roots deep in shame. I have challenged myself to

rethink what my motivations are when writing academic work or creating a

program or presentation for student affairs colleagues.