Narcissistic Relationship Survival Kit - Spartanlifec ?· Narcissistic Relationship Survival Kit PART…

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<ul><li><p>Narcissistic Relationship Survival Kit </p><p>PART 1 : 9 KEY PRINCIPLES </p><p>1. Learn to Call Abuse, Abuse. </p><p>Make a list of all the not nice things your ex would do, consider that even though you dont </p><p>think its right to call it abuse that maybe these not nice things that made you feel bad were in </p><p>fact actually abusive. </p><p>If you were trained in your childhood to ignore your feelings and needs then this might be quite </p><p>hard for you to do, but please do try. </p><p>2. Establish no contact. Do not communicate with your ex in any format, if they continue to try </p><p>to contact you then use the grey rock technique. </p><p> </p><p>3. Perform a Sanity Check: accept that yes, the person is sick and therefore the whole </p><p>relationship was sick. Its hard to accept but accepting it will make you saner. </p><p>4. You are not yourself right now, you are probably experiencing some emotional </p><p>dysregulation and complex ptsd as a result of the relationship. You might be: paranoid, </p><p>hypersensitive, quick to anger, over adrenalized, suffering from poor sleep and nightmares </p><p>prone to obsessive or catastrophic thinking etc </p><p>All of these are symptoms of Narc abuse </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>5. Seek Stability, Support, Sanity (explained in the video that came with this ebook) </p><p>6. Remember that you have been isolated in a one man/woman cult for some time, you might </p><p>be a little odd. Be aware of that when seeking to reconnect with family and friends. </p><p>7. Expect grief, sadness and then anger. Learn how to allow and process these feelings in a safe </p><p>and boundaried way. Be kind to yourself, practice self-compassion. </p><p>8. Time to rebuild your foundations: adopt a new philosophy of life, start by promising to be </p><p>rigorously honest with yourself and to always acknowledge your needs from now on. </p><p>Acknowledge traumatic abuse experienced in childhood and adolescence. Develop and assert </p><p>new boundaries, learn the skill of self assertiveness. </p><p></p></li><li><p>PART 2 : 1O STAGES OF GREIVING </p><p>This was sent to me by a lady who wishes to remain anonymous. She describes herself as a mental </p><p>health professional who has been in a narcissistic relationship, beyond that I dont know anything about </p><p>her. Its a good piece I hope you enjoy it: </p><p> If youre on this site you are most likely trying to understand Narcissist Personality Disorder, grieving </p><p>and or healing from a rel ationship with a narcissist. There are several grieving stages after a narc </p><p>relationship. Ive been utilizing all sources during my grieving period such as support web sites, </p><p>licensed therapist, books on Narcissist Personality Disorder and support systems. I was so beat </p><p>down and abused that I literally hit rock bottom. I dont want to disclose the cycles of abuse or </p><p>ruminate over the horrific events because its a never ending diorama! The first thing Id like to </p><p>disclose is that narcs come from both genders. I used male gender so the verbiage flowed easier. </p><p>What Id like to do is let everybody know how I managed to move on and get on with my life. Healing </p><p>from a narc was absolutely daunting, confusing and one of the hardest endeavors Ive been </p><p>through. </p><p>Stage One: Denial For example: He didnt cheat on me, he loves me, he said Im the only </p><p>one he loved, things werent that bad, I love him, I will never find another man who loves me, etc. </p><p>One effective way to get over the denial stage is to journal ALL the abusive languages, lies and traits </p><p>he exhibited to everybody during your relationship. I wrote down all the hurtful things he said and did </p><p>to me during our relationship. If it hurt, I wrote ouch that hurt. If I was upset Id use profanity. Its </p><p>your healing process and be authentic, brutally honest and real. Write down all your hopes, </p><p>disappointments, anger, sadness, lies, and broken dreams. I also wrote down abusive things he did </p><p>to his family and associates. I currently have nine pages and still going. </p><p>Stage Two: Educate yourself and be familiar with all the pathological behaviors or Narcissist </p><p>Personality Disorder (NPD). There is a lot of information out there and the more we understand their </p><p>psyche the easier it is to understand they didnt love us the way we wanted to be loved. You must </p><p>remember, they are incapable of loving another person. They were only with you as an extension of </p><p>their ego, to fill their Narcissist Supply and most importantly, so they didnt have to be alone. We </p><p>have to face that we fell in love with a fake ho llow person. They are not capable of loving us. Period. </p><p>They dont change and never will, they are broken people. The more you understand NPD the easier </p><p>it will for you to understand their pathological lies and behaviors. I kid you not, when I was on a </p><p>backpacking trip in Europe I hiked with a man for 300 miles who continued to talk about his ex and </p><p>the abusive behaviors he endured from her. He tried to rationalize irrational behaviors for 300 miles! </p><p>Please dont get stuck in this step. You cant empathize with a narc, you cant understand their </p><p>behaviors so please walk away and dont try to understand their lies. </p><p>Stage Three: Write a goodbye letter, write down ALL your hurt, sadness and disappointments. Tell </p></li><li><p>your ex how he hurt you, how you felt, how many times you cried over him etc. This was the hardest </p><p>assignment for me. My letter was raw and real. I also had to let go of the relationship with mutual </p><p>friends and his family. Not only are we saying goodbye to our ex narc, we are saying to part of our </p><p>old lifestyle. If you feel like staying home in your pajamas all day, do it. Give yourself permission and </p><p>time to grieve. Of course do not send him the letter. </p><p>Stage Four: The dreaded NO CONTACT. This is also a hard one, brutally hard nonetheless. I </p><p>failed at this too many times. At night when I felt lonely or had a few too many beers Id write him an </p><p>email and tell him how horrible of person he is. It felt good to let him know I knew his secret and </p><p>would never be with him again, HOWEVER, dont do it. They will use it against you and assume you </p><p>want them back. No contact is very hard because its the absolute closure tool. When I say no </p><p>contact I mean, no Facebook creeping, dating sites, talking to old mutual friends, email etc. </p><p>Absolutely NO CONNECTION or CONTACT! Block his number, filter his emails to ga rbage etc. I </p><p>discovered after Id creep on his FB or interact with mutual friends it brought back some of the good </p><p>memories and I was sucked back into pain. No contact is much easier on our psyche than keeping in </p><p>touch with ex. Its almost like quitting smoking, each day gets a little easier. Take one hour or even </p><p>day at a time. They were an addiction to us and the only way to break free is to completely let it go. If </p><p>you need help in this area (I did) just remember they dont care about you or how you are doing. </p><p>They only care about themselves. Period. You are their food, their supply. They fooled you into </p><p>believing they cared about you and will continue doing so. </p><p>Sta ge Five: Go back over stages one through four, add more notes, add on to your goodbye letter </p><p>and continue to give yourself a pat on back for no contact. Give yourself a weekly reward for not </p><p>corresponding to contacting anybody in the old narc world. </p><p>Stage Six: Expect hovering, they will come back and try to get in your head or back together. </p><p>Remember they are only coming back when they need your supply. Its not about you and they d o </p><p>not miss you as a person. They miss your lack of boundaries and how you made them feel alive. </p><p>Remember if they can get a reaction out of you after no contact it will excite them. Even a negative </p><p>reaction will be misconstrued and they will persist. Do not respond to them. Period. </p><p>Stage Seven: Ask yourself why you stayed in this relationship? What attracted you to him? Why did </p><p>you stay? What are you deep dark secrets that need to disclose with yourself? They say, the devil </p><p>you know is sometimes easier than the devil you dont know. This part of healing took a long time, I </p><p>had to go back to my childhood, understand the relationship with my father and why I continually </p><p>chose broken men. Im still in this stage and most likely will be a long time. This isnt necessarily a </p><p>stage, its more of seeking the intrapersonal psyche. What are your automatic thoughts? When you </p><p>are dreaming or thinking whats going on? I had an epiphany when I took my daughter to my dads </p><p>house so she could pick up a personal belonging. I sat in the car and she goes, Are you going in? I </p><p>responded, No he could care less if he sees me or not. Thats the hard core truth and it was hard </p><p>wired in my psyche. I pick men who treated me like my father did. I continue to be attracted to </p><p>emotionally unavailable hollow men, however now Im aware of it and using cognitive behavioral </p><p>approach. </p><p>Stage Eight: Be aware of another narc relationship. . First of all, I d like to explain, my ex narc was </p><p>attracted to me because Im the overachiever type, empathetic, educated, physically fit and have </p><p>very poor boundaries. Narcissists have ex ray glasses and if you demonstrate any of these </p><p>characteristics you will be sought and picked by a narc. Narcs love empaths (people who are highly </p><p>in tune with others emotions). They seek us because they are drawn to our emotionally sensitive </p></li><li><p>traits. Remember in the future narcs will still be attracted to you, be cognizant of this! </p><p>Stage Nine: Time to rebuild your psyche and self-worth. Identify you true friends, those who see the </p><p>good in you. Let go of the toxic people in your life. We all know who they are and the last thing we </p><p>want to do is lose more friends.C2 However, they need to go. Love the genuine kind hearted </p><p>people, they will love you back. Instead of getting recognition form a partner, get recognition from </p><p>yourself. Do something! Run a marathon, take a class, join a gym, advocate for a political cause you </p><p>believe in. By doing this for yourself you are training yourself to make yourself happy. I learned to </p><p>run marathons by taking each mile at a time. I literally pushed myself 10% with each mile. It took a </p><p>long time and I made it. I even ran Boston Marathon! I use to be overweight and smoked cigarettes. </p><p>The 10% rule works very well, little steps!! It does sound clich, however it is a very important step. </p><p>Stage Nine: Be cognizant if you get stuck in a stage. It will happen and its a normal process to </p><p>vacillate and have self-doubt. Getting stuck in the venting stage is too easy, be aware of it. </p><p>Stage Ten: Accept your thinking errors, accept past denials and most importantly. learn from your </p><p>experience. Use the pain inflicted by narc as energy and knowledge to help others. Im not going to </p><p>say a prince will sweep you off your feet and you will live happily ev er after. When you know you are </p><p>healing you will be able to look in the mirror and see the sparkle come back to your eyes. It will </p><p>happen! </p><p>resources and support: </p><p>facebook</p><p>Coach/421569931230215?fref=ts </p><p>forum </p><p>youtube </p><p>copyright Richard Grannon 2015 </p></li></ul>