My Theories on Life

7/30/2019 My Theories on Life

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My Theories on Life

Guest Authors| June 8, 2012 5:00 am

By Omaer Khan

Muslims are weird. They talk differently, they dress differently, they think differently. What

is wrong with them, and why cant they be more like everyone else?

I come from a secular family. My mother was a Hindu, and my father a Muslim. They fell in

love, got married and gave birth to me, a Muslim. Or was I?

***THEORY 1: AMUSEMENT PARK

I always had a good imaginationand I loved to learn. I was into science, philosophy,

extreme programming, and Douglas Adams. I was rationalif something didnt make sense

to me, I didnt buy it. The concept of blind faith was unacceptable to me, and so I found it

difficult to accept religious teachings because they seemed to be so far fetched and such utter

nonsense. As a very young kid, I formed the following theory to satisfy my questions:

Some beings live forever. Having done everything there is to do, they are now bored. They

create an amusement park. One of the rides is called Earth. The ride starts when a person is

born in our world, and when the person dies, they wake up from the game. There is no

objective; it is simply a means of entertainment.

This theory seemed to explain everything, and answer all of lifes questions. Think about it.

(Its a lot like the Matrix theory, isnt it? Well I thought of it before the movie.)

Now, chances are that it probably seems absurd to you, but can you ask yourself seriously,

why is that? Why is it so hard to believe that this is the truth? There is no way to prove that

the theory is incorrect. However absurd it sounds, it is perfectly viable that this is in fact the

true meaning of this life. Seriously, think about it.

The reason why you are unlikely to buy it is in part that there is no evidence to back it up.

Even though there is nothing to disprove it, neither is there any proof in support of it. It

answers all the questions my fourth grade mind could come up with about this lifebut thatisnt sufficient proof that the theory is correct. And thats exactly the problem I had with

religion.

***THEORY 2: SHUT DOWN

As I grew, my fascination with technology, computers in particular, also grew. I noticed a

similarity in computers and humans. To draw an analogy, human minds are like computer

processors: our long term/short term memories are like a hard disk/RAM; our nervous system

is like a motherboard; our eyes like cameras; our ears like a microphone; our mouth like a

speaker; our body like a monitor/screen. Of course there are also so many differences, but

lets just put those aside for now. A seventh grade kid thinking about this, it suddenly hit me:I knew the ultimate answer. I knew what happens when a human dies. Nothing. Absolutely
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nothing. Exactly the same way that nothing happens when a computer is shut down. The

brain stops processing, the memory stops recording. The hardware shuts down. What does a

computer feel or experience after its been shut down? Absolutely nothing at all. If a

computer is switched off, absolutely nothing is happening inside it. And when we die,

absolutely nothing will be happening in our minds. They will be blank. We will not exist.

This is a very difficult concept to grasp, but given that I came up with the computer analogy,

I thought about it often enough to truly believe it as the truth. And it scared me. I was

depressed for a long while because its scary to know that theres nothing out there after this

life. That when we die, that is it. It is a really scary reality to live in, and it ate at me until I

learnt to accept it. When we die, it would be similar to a computer shutting down. The

concept of experiencing anything would no longer apply to us. We would be blank. There

would be no we. Simple. Deal with it.

***THEORY 3: CLOUD COMPUTING

Around the time I was obsessed with this theory, I was exposed to the idea of telepathy.Mothers having strong intuitions about their childrencrazy, long distance emotional

connections that couldnt be explained by science. There was so much I didnt understand. So

much science didnt understand; so much of the occult, the crazy. The power of prayer,

which so many swear by. Miracles. God.

What if God existed? I was open to the idea. I recognized that the concept of God was too

vaguely defined for anyone to argue either in favour of, or against. So I proposed a concept of

God that seemed possible to me. I have already established the similarity between humans

and computers. Now, imagine that we are connected to one another (over some radio

frequency perhaps). What if all our minds are networked at a subconscious level? That would

explain telepathy. And that would provide an answer to why Prayer is effective, what God

is, and so on. They say that a large chunk of our brain belongs to the subconscious mind

that we cant consciously use it. This part could be what processes/runs/maintains this

Cloud network. There are so many humans, imagine that all our subconscious minds are

inter-connected, and work with each other to accomplish miracles, or watch over the human

race, or do whatever else God is supposed to be responsible for. Distributed computing.

Miracles, shared supernatural experiences, gut feelings, tapping into our subconscious,

getting a bad vibe from someone, or someplace all sorts of crazy phenomenon seem to be

explained easily if our minds are able to tap into this network of shared experiences. This

even makes sense from an evolutionary point of view.

***NO MORE THEORY

So I was curious. I was wildly imaginative. And I was an idealistset on a path to figure out

the meaning of this life, the universe and everything. And then I fell in love. And being the

idealist that I was, I fell crazy, deeply in love. And I fell in love with someone who took full

advantage of my naivety, my idealist innocence. And she reduced me to a shadow of

myselfshe played me, and blind in love, I didnt even notice. And I hurt and I suffered and

after that ended I was depressed. My ideal vision of the world was shattered and my

perfectionist self couldnt accept my imperfect past. I lost my self-confidence. I was such a

mess, such an emotional wreck. And I didnt want a theory to explain lifeI didnt want toliveI was tempted by the thought of ending it all. And I prayed to the God I hoped existed


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but didnt believe in. I prayed: God, if You exist, prove to me that You do. Make me believe

in You.

I wanted my miracle, and I wanted to have faith so badly but I didnt. Blind faith just seemed

so wrong. If God existed, He couldnt possibly want us to just believe that without proof. If

there was no proof, we could end up believing in anything in the name of faith. He wouldsurely give us some way to prove, at least to ourselves, that He is there, watching over us.

He hadto give me proof. And then I laughed at myself for my own folly in asking a God I

didnt even believe in to help me. Man, I am such a mess, I thought to myself.

So I did what I doI bundled up all those emotions and stuck them in a part of my mind that

I shut off completely. I ignored the feelingssuffocated them rather, and on the surface I was

normal. But I wasnt normal. I felt distant from the world, like my feelings and emotions

werent really there. Like I felt with my mind instead of my heart, like I was making a

conscious decision to smile, or cry, or laugh, or be quiet. I felt like I didnt truly feel and

instead I allowed myself to enact the emotions I thought were appropriate for any situation.

And that became normal.

***NORMAL

All my life, Ive never pretended to be a good Muslim. Except to my father (in front of whom

Id pray, but only to keep him happy), and except in Ramadan. I would fast during Ramadanevery yearnot pray, but fastdespite the harshest conditions, Id fast for all 30 days. I

thought of it more as a way of disciplining myself, and it made me feel special. I didnt

believe in God, I just did it because it was cool.

But nonetheless, I think I was a good personI followed my conscience. I always tried to be

honest, helpful, patient, kind. I helped people at my own expense, didnt drink alcohol (never

got into the habit as a boy, and wasnt tempted after that), wasnt into women (courtesy of the

heartbreak, I suspect), and I prided myself in my honour. I knew that the one thing I had faith

in was my inner goodness, that I would rather be honest/correct at the expense of ease, than

compromise my conscience. And I never followed the flockagain, unless something made

sense to me, I didnt do itso when my friends slept around, partied crazily, puked all over

themselves (and me on occasion), and had fun, I was never tempted by it all. Id accompany

them for the sake of the friendship, and I never judged them or thought of myself above

themI just figured that thatlife wasnt for me. And so I never partook in the Crazy.

Its not that I didnt have fun. I loved to read. I loved adventure sports, the outdoors:camping/hiking/beachside barbecues. I loved DIY; I enjoyed a wide variety of music; I really

loved programming, carpentry, electronics, mechanics, making stuff, and, later, I loved

talking and listening, having conversations (initially I was quite reserved).

And I was normal. But all the while I always had the nagging feeling that I wasnt. Its like a

wound heals and you cant feel the pain anymore but you know that its not because the pain

has gone, but because youve gotten used to it. And even though you cant tell that it hurts,

you know it doesnt feel right. Its like you walk into a stale, musty room and soon you cant

smell the mustiness, but you dont feel fresh either. You get it, right?

***MUSLIMS SUCK


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Given the person I was, I avoided the company ofMuslims. I didnt like how they expected

me to conform, go out of my way to do things which I didnt enjoy doing (such as pray). I

didnt like how they talked funny by adding if God wills it, or Praise be to God at

seemingly random places in any conversation. I didnt get why they were so insensitive to

other religions. I told myself: as a Muslim, I wouldnt want to hear others preach their

religion to me. Why would I, as a Muslim, do to others what I know I wouldnt want them todo to me? And I felt like an outsider. I didnt fit in with other Muslimseven if I wanted to

conform, I didnt know the rules. I didnt know when to sayAlhamdulillah (all praise and

thanks be to God), orSubhanAllah (glory be to God), orInshaAllah (if God wills it. Muslims

say this after any hopeful/future event, as a reminder that nothing happens without the

permission of God).

And most Muslims I met didnt know the rules of the society I belonged to. And I didnt

know why they did what they didI just figured it was tradition, or a closed-minded

minority communitys way of safeguarding themselves from change by alienating themselves

with this strange talk and behaviour. And most of all, I found Muslims intellectually un-

stimulating. Boring. They had nothing interesting to say. No Muslim I knew excelled atanythingthey were all mediocre and satisfied that way. They were into politics and current

affairs perhaps (which I wasnt into), but never into science, technology, philosophy, music,movies or anything I found interesting. If they were into those things, then they never made it

obvious that they were Muslims. And I never thought of them as Muslimsthey didnt pray,

and they didnt abstain from drinking alcohol or eating pork. And the few Muslims who did

seem intelligent usually turned out to be religious nuts.

And so I remained that way, unsatisfied, but at a status quo. Telling myself this was the best

it would get, that I was a good person, and that was all that mattered. I excelled in my field, I

had a clear conscience, I was decent looking and healthy, and had enough money to live more

than comfortably, and so I should be satisfied. And given how I was already so used to

pretending/enacting emotions, I faked satisfaction. Even to the extent that I believed I was

satisfied, although I wasnt.

***A NEW START

And so I was living this lifesatisfied where I was, believing that when I die, there would

no longer be a meand I was no longer scared by the thought because I really did want it

all to end. And I went through school, college, got a joband Id just try on occasion to pray

every now and then just for the heck of it. Just to have the identity of a Muslim I guess.

In todays day and age, when society ridicules Islam and people say horrible things about

Muslims, Ijust thought it would be weak of me to alienate myself from Islam. So Id try

and be a Muslim, try and pray, just because I felt it was wrong to ditch the weaker side. Not

that it made a differenceI wasnt doing anything, just satisfying my own need to not feel

guilty.

And so it was that I was hanging out one day with a bunch of close friends from the same

university (who happened to be Muslims), and we went to meet a visiting friend who was

now pursuing further education abroad. He was a nice guyfriendly, fun, happy, down to

earth. I didnt know him too well, but I respected the person he was. And when we went to

meet him, he told us he was planning to leave Islam and become an atheist. And he hadchangedhe seemed somewhat depressed, he wasnt as strong a personality as I remembered


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him to be. And my Muslim friends started working on increasing his faith and encouraging

him to not do something so drastic. But to no avail. He was open to listening to arguments in

favour of Islam, but none of the arguments made sense to himhe had the same problem I

did with blind faith. When turned to for my opinion, I said something along the lines of:

The concept of God is too vaguely defined to argue either in favour of, or against. In casethere is in fact a God, Hed be pissed if you didnt believe in Him. And if there is no such

intelligence, then believing cant really do you any harm. If anything, itll give you

something to have faith in, or anchor yourself to. Theres really no point in going the atheist

routejust hang in there, and hope that there is a God.

He pursued this line of thought but of course there was a catch in the argument, something I

had been struggling to answer, but couldnt. And he asked: How can one have faith in

something vague? One doesnt really have faith in a vague concept. By this logic, one

could be asked to have faith in anything at all.

At this point, a bemused friend told me that I was wrong. That Islam was not a religion thatencouraged blind faith, and that Islam actually had proof that God exists. And I laughed to

myself but kept quiet. My friend was adamant thoughhe insisted that if anyone at all read

the Quran, with the intention of learning from it, with the intention of reading what God had

to say to humanity and learn from it with a pure heart, then that person would be convinced

that there is in fact a God. He spoke of miracles that could not be explained by science, and

he spoke with such conviction that I was convinced he was another religious nut. But then he

said that the Quran itself encourages people to challenge it, find flaws in it, and that he

openly challenged anyone at that table to read the Quran with the intent to learn from it, to

read It with an open heart, and that the person would be left convinced of the existence of

God. And I thought Id give it a shotwhat did I have to lose?

***GOD

So I did what any kid my age would doI downloaded an eBook of the Quran, with the

English translation, and I started reading it. I got past the first few pages the first time, and I

fell asleep. I tried again the second day, and, man, it was so difficult to read. I didnt get the

references, the strange language, the hidden meaningsit was way too difficult. Whatever

was I thinking? And yet, I wasnt about to give up so easily. I had just been told that Islam

encourages intellectual study of religion, that we are toldrather, we are instructed by God

Himselfto challenge and question the Quran, and that God Himself says that we are not to

believe in Him blindly. Now this was a God that I could hope to believe in. This was a Godwho would satisfy my intellectual curiosity, would prove to me that He exists. And I decided

to give this whole Muslim thing another shot. After all, what did I have to lose?

And I saw video after video on YouTube, read article after article about Islam and the

Quran, and the more I read/learnt, the more answers I got to the doubts/questions I had about

Islam, and all the same, the more new doubts/questions popped up in my mind. And so began

my journey to learn about this religion.

And then it was Ramadan. And I was fasting all 30 fasts, and this time I decided Id pray as

well. And in order to pray, I went to a mosque where theImam (preacher) did

the khutba (sermon) in English. And after the first few days, I was so moved by what I heard.The message of Islam that I heard was so beautiful. I felt so at peace while praying. I dont


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know what happened to me at that point, but it felt like a switch flipped in my brainmy

point of view changed so dramatically that everywhere I looked, I saw signs of miracles. I

saw God everywhere I looked. And over the course of that Ramadan, I became a whole other

person. I felt so connected to God, the Creator and Lord of this Universe. I felt so at peace

and I felt such a deep sense of tranquility that it was the first time in ages that I actually felt

something truly from the depths of my heart. It was like a sense of calm and peace filledevery bit of my being, like I was so satisfied where I was, like everything in the world was so

insignificant. And I wept and I cried and I was so ashamed of all my sins, all my doubts, and

I was so grateful to God for making me believe in Him.

***SATISFYING THE INTELLECT

But I was weak, a human after allI knew of Gods existence, but I was so weak. I knew I

had to pray all five times a dayI knew it was important because Godsuhanahu wa taala(exalted is He), the Creator of this Universe, had told all Muslims they had to pray. And I

tried to, but Id miss prayerId be sleeping perhapsand then the guilt of missing my

prayers would eat at me, and Id be too guilty to pray for days after that. And Id doshameless things, just do everything wrong because I felt like I didnt deserve to be forgiven.

I felt like I had sinned so much that this would only be another few drops in my ocean of sin.

And then despite having felt the miracle of Gods forgivenessthe peace and tranquility that

came with it, I started questioning it all. I challenged my belief in what I had experienced. I

told myself that even though my heart still believed, my mind did not. And thats when I

randomly stumbled upon an essay by Dr. Gary Millerand that essay changed everything for

me.

Who is Dr. Miller? Dr. Miller was a Canadian Mathematician and Christian missionary. He

decided to do the world a favour and rid the world of Islam by accepting the Qurans

challenge to find flaws in it (the Quran clearly challenges non-believers in many places to

find flaws in it, and to come up with another book like it). He studied the Quran for years,

and at the end of his studies, he was so convinced that the Quran was in fact authored by

God himself, that he converted to Islam. Being the logical and intellectually grounded person

that I was, this Mathematicians work made so much sense to me that I was convinced at an

intellectual level of that which my heart already believed in.

And once more, I asked God for His forgiveness, and now I committed myself a hundred

percent to becoming a good Muslim. But I have lost that sense of tranquility and peace. Even

today I strive to be a better Muslim in the hope that someday God will forgive me of mymany sins inshaAllah (if God wills it).

I will not list the proofs and arguments hereIm no scholar and Im not capable of

answering any questions. I read somewhere that there are two types of knowledge:

knowledge of the heart and knowledge of the mind. Knowledge of the heart is useful to those

trying to become better Muslims, and knowledge of the mind is useful to those fighting

intellectual battles for Islam.Alhamdulillah my heart and mind are convinced and believe in

what Islam teaches. But I dont have enough knowledge of the mind to even think of arguing

this out with anyone.InshaAllahsome day Ill have learnt/read the Quran, and learnt/read

other scriptures, and God might bless me with the knowledge to show others what I see so

clearly now.


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I highly encourage everyone to readthis essay by Dr. Gary Millerbut unless one does so

with an open mind and heart, its impossible to find any proof convincing enough. Unless one

is open to the idea of miracles, miracles seize to exist. One only accepts what one is willing

toeven if one is presented with the most convincing of arguments, one can always say,

That isnt right, these people must be lying. Islam argues: dont stop at That isnt right.

Do some research, argue the proof intellectually and you wont be able to. So if yourewilling to go through that, or if youre willing to read the essay with an open mind, I say go

for it.

***A JOURNEY

Islam is a journey. It is a journey to serve the Lord and Creator of this Universe, and in so

doing, to improve ourselves, to live more satisfying lives, to protect ourselves from what is

wrong and evil. And it isnt easy to begin with. Until one has truly and completely submitted

to Gods will, Islam is a difficult religion to followand it remains so until one gives in

completely to it. There is no easy 50/50 pathand this scares away people. There are so

many rules and regulations, so many things that we are afraid to start because we are afraid tomake mistakes.

But God says so many times in the Quran that He is Merciful and Forgivingand I believe

that if one strives to be a better Muslim, even if one takes slow steps, one at a time, it

becomes so much easier as time goes by. As with anything else in this world, habits are

difficult to break, but if you have faith and strive to do what you know is right, He makes

things easier.

I started praying once a day everyday for the first week, then twice, then thrice And before

I knew it, I was praying 5 times a day everydayAlhamdulillah. If Id missed a prayer, Id say

the next one anyway even if I didnt make up for the prayer I missed. Then I started covering

for the ones I had missed as well. I started trying to learn the Quran. I didnt know

any Surahs (chapters) exceptal-Fatiha(the first chapter of the Quran) andIkhlas (a short

chapter). And I started learning them one by one, slow and steady. I started reading about

Islam, about the teachings of Islam, only with the intent of being a better person and a better

Muslim. And its a slow journey but it leaves you so satisfied. I pray that inshaAllah God

makes this journey easier for all of us.

***KILL ALL KAFIRS(Non-Believers)?

Most of my life, almost all my friends have been non-Muslims. Most of my friends are non-Muslims today. I love a lot ofthem, Im very close to a lot of them, and I respect and care for

and would do a lot for a lot of them. I respect them because they have their own faith and

their own beliefs and they stand up for them. I dont go telling them they are wrong and they

are cursedand they respect me for that. All I do now that is different from earlier is that I

practice my religion as best I can. I dont hide it from them because I am not ashamed of it. I

dont look down upon them or their religion, and Id happily listen to their beliefs/faith if

they talked about it. But I am firm in what I believe. If I have doubts or questions, I ask God

for guidance and a little research goes a long way in answering most questions.

If I had been born a non-Muslim, Id have hated it if Muslims were to preach/look down upon

me. Id hate them, and Id hate Islam. And I dont blame the non-Muslims of today for hatingIslam as much as a lot of them do. Muslims today dont follow Islamthey follow their own
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versions of the religion. They make compromises where the compromises are easy to follow,

and they only fool themselves into thinking that what they are doing is correct. Islam

encourages respecting other religions. I may be wrong in this in which case I ask for Gods

forgiveness, but I firmly believe that it is wrong for me to bash other religions, and look

down upon them. Most Muslims today dont follow Islam to the fullestthey follow Islam to

the bare minimum. One of the most important things in Islam is to learn aboutreligion.Iqra (read)the first word revealed to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon

him). It is important for Muslims to read, to learn about Islam and its teachings. It is

important to thirst for knowledge as a way to get closer to God and our religion. But do we do

that at all? We do notand yet we are surprised when non-Muslims hate Islam. They dont

hate Islamthey hate Muslims. And I dont blame them too much because if I was in their

shoes I might hate some of the things some Muslims do and say as well.

So does Islam say, Kill allKafirs? Does Islam say, Force all non-believers to convert? No,

it doesnt. It says, Spread the message. And in todays day and age, how else can we spread

the message of the Lord and Creator of the Universe except to practice the message ourselvesin our daily lives?

***TO CONCLUDE

I pray that God has mercy on all of Us, and guides us to whatever the right path is. I pray that

this article encourages people to have an open heart, an open mind, and encourages you to

start an intellectual journey to learn more about religion. In todays day, religion is more of a

fashion accessory that has gone out of style. People try different religions, change from one

to the next out of curiosity, and when they are disappointed, they feel that all religions suck,

that there is no God. There is such a culture of partying and living it up that one forgets the

bigger picture. Unless one believes that there is something after one dies, one cannot argueagainst the logic that life is short, live it up.

Im trying to learn Arabic and trying to learn about Islam and the Quranagain, slow and

steadso may God forgive me for not talking like a Muslim, and forgive me for anything I

wrote here which was against His message. I hope I didnt offend anyonethis article was

just a means for me to share my own journey to Islam, and to faith. And it has been a most

enriching one. Every day is a struggle so it isnt easy, but at the end of every day, there is a

sense of peace the likes of which I havent experienced in as long as I can remember.

Its like when Id go hiking for days, trying to climb a mountain. Every small hillock we

crossed felt like such an achievement. The path was difficult, and I was a fat, unhealthy kidand I struggledand when I reached the top of the hill, I was filled with such a sense of

accomplishment, such peace. And when we reached our destinationthe top of that tall

mountain, and looked back down from there, that sense of peace was amplified so many

timesit was such a sense of awe at my own ability, such a sense of accomplishment. The

sweetness in victory (over ones desires in this case) is only as sweet as ones struggle to get

there. And if the satisfaction at the end of every day is so sweet, then I can only imagine how

much sweeter it will be at the end of it all.

May God forgive my many mistakes in this article, and help me to improve. And if I have

offended any of you, may you forgive me for it. Whatever your religion is, I may not agree

with it, but I respect you nonetheless. Whether youre a Muslim or a non-Muslim, I ask that


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you think twice before insulting or looking down upon any religion because when we act out

of spite or anger or hate, we only cause others to react badly and perhaps insult our own

religions. And then the horrible cycle continues.

May God guide everyone trying to improve themselves in their understanding of His

message, and may He bless everyone who helps us in this journey.

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My Theories on Life