Muslim Website Notes

8/3/2019 Muslim Website Notes

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Conditions of MarriageCareful consideration of the Quranic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the Mahr (dowry) and to supporta wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may betempted to commit fornication (Zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who hasno other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may pu

sh her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to controlhis sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriagewill keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (Mandub).However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living:If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (Zina).If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help himto refrain from Zina.Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread,

he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man:If he is sure that he will commit Zina if he does not marry.If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast doesnot help him to control his passion.If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry.If he is able to pay the dowry (Mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood.Marriage is forbidden (Haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers froman illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all orwho has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obl

igations as a result of marriage.In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken asa substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.Since believing men and women are referred to in the Quran, a woman also has theright to look at her potential husband.

The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lowertheir gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Noble Quran:Prohibited Marriage PartnersUnder the Shari'ah, marriages between men and women standing in a certain relationship to one another are prohibited. These prohibited degrees are either of a permanent nature or a temporary. The permanently prohibited degrees of marriage are laid down in the Noble Quran:"And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! It was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and yoursisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother'sdaughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your foster-

sisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your mother-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone into -- but if you have not gone into them, then it


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is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) -- and the wives of your sons fromyour own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what hasalready happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful." [Noble Quran 4:22-24]From the above verses, it is clear that a Muslim must never marry the following:His motherHis step-mother (this practice continues in Yoruba land in Nigeria, where in som

e cases the eldest son inherits the youngest wife of his father)His grandmother (including father's and mother's mothers and all preceding mothers' e.g. great grandmothers)His daughter (including granddaughters and beyond)His sister (whether full, consanguine or uterine)His father's sisters (including paternal grandfather's sisters)His mother's sisters (including maternal grandmother's sisters)His brother's daughtersHis foster motherHis foster mother's sisterHis sister's daughterHis foster sister

His wife's motherHis step-daughter (i.e. a daughter by a former husband of a woman he has marriedif the marriage has been consummated. However, if such a marriage was not consummated, there is no prohibition)His real son's wifeA great wisdom lies behind these prohibitions on the grounds of consanguinity, affinity, and fosterage. No social cohesion can exist if people do not keep theseprohibitions in their minds while contracting marriages.Temporary prohibitions are those which arise only on account of certain specialcircumstances in which the parties are placed. If the circumstances change, theprohibition also disappears. They are as follows:A man must not have two sisters as wives at the same time nor can he marry a girl and her aunt at the same time.

A man must not marry a woman who is already married. However this impediment isremoved immediately if the marriage is dissolved either by the death of her former husband, or by divorce followed by completion of the period of 'iddah (retreat).A man must not have more than four wives at one time. This impediment is, of course, removed as soon as one of the wives dies or is divorced.A man must not marry a woman during her 'iddah."Mothers nurse their babies two whole years for those who wish to complete theirnursing. Upon the one for whom the baby was born is her food and her clothing in equitable and proper terms. No soul will be emburdened beyond its ability. Nomother may be harmed on account of her child nor any father by his child and theheir is chargeable in the same way. If the two [parents] decide on weaning by mutual agreement and consultation, there is no blame on them. And if you decide on a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you provided you pay whatyou offered equitably and properly. And fear Allah and know that Allah sees wellall that you do." [Noble Quran 2:233] A Muslim woman also has obligations. All the laws and regulations pertaining toprayer, fasting, charity, pilgrimage, doing good deeds, etc., apply to women, albeit with minor differences having mainly to do with female physiology.Before marriage, a woman has the right to choose her husband. Islamic law is very strict regarding the necessity of having the woman's consent for marriage. Thegroom gives a marriage dowry to the bride for her own personal use. She keeps her own family name, rather than taking her husband's. As a wife, a woman has theright to be supported by her husband even if she is already rich. She also has

the right to seek divorce and custody of young children. She does not return thedowry, except in a few unusual situations.Despite the fact that in many places and times some Muslims have not always adhe


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red to all or even many of the foregoing in practice, the ideal has been there for 1,400 years, while virtually all other major civilizations did not begin to address these issues or change their negative attitudes until the 19th and 20th centuries, and there are still many contemporary civilizations which have yet todo so.

Without doubt, marriage is part of the social agenda of Islam and the objective

it to maximize marriage and to combat "single-hood" as much as possible. This means that if marriage begins decreasing for whatever reason such as exorbitant dowries, economic injustice, etc. then these evils must be combated in defense ofmarriage. If polygamy is neglected and not done sufficiently, this will create anumber of single women and a situation which requires social effort to correct.Likewise, if polygamy is done to excess by some individuals, it will produce anexcess of single men another situation which must be corrected. The raising ofchildren must be done in such a way which promotes marriage and raises both menand women knowledgeable of their roles and duties within the family. All of thiscan be found in Allah's command to the Muslims as a whole to maximize marriageamong us:"And marry off the single among you and the righteous ones among your male and f

emale slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrichen them from His bounties and Allah is expansive, knowing." [Noble Quran 24:32]"Marry the loving and the fertile for I will outdo the nations with you [r numbers]. (In another version: "...for I will outdo the prophets with you [r numbers]on Qiyama.")http://www.islamswomen.com/marriage/marriage_in_islam.phpAfflictions of MarriageMarriage can also represent a test or be afflicted with some harmful situations.The worst of them is failing to seek sustenance from the lawful. If that becomesdifficult, the husband may become tempted to reach his hand into the haram.Falling short with regard to the rights of women and being patient with their character and their annoyances. In that there is a great danger because the man is

the "shepherd" in the household and is to be questioned about those under his care. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:"Verily, woman was created from a rib and she will never stay for you on a straight way. If you get enjoyment from her, you get enjoyment while she still has her crookedness but if you insist on straightening her you will break her. And "breaking" of her is divorce."Considerations in Choosing a WifeBeauty. This is something desirable, even if it ranks after religion in importance, because it is one of the things which makes the marriage strong and protectsthe man from wrongdoing. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered men seeking marriage to get a look at the woman before marryingher. Some people used to refuse to consider this nor intend it. It is reportedthat Imam Ahmad chose a cross-eyed woman over her sister. But this is rare and human nature is at odds with it.From Al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba that he sought to marry a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said to him: "Look at her for it is more assuring that it should last between you."Virginity. Because the Law-giver encouraged that and human nature favors it. This is because she will love her husband more and feel closer to him than a previously married woman. Human nature is inclined toward closeness to the first object of love or familiarity. It is also more favorable to his love for her becausethere is something which repels one from she who has been touched by others.Fertility. That she be capable of bearing children. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:"Marry the friendly and fertile, for I will compete with the other nations with

your large numbers."To be friendly with one's spouse including playing around with them and joking with them. Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) had a foot-race wi


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th Ai'shah on more than one occasion and he used to joke with his wives. He saidto Jabir upon hearing that he had married a mature woman (because he had been left with nine sisters as orphans):"... Choose a [young] virgin that she may play with you and you with her..."

Give them a good name. The sunnah is that an individual has only a single name.The rest of his name consists of his father's name which may be followed by his

grandfather's name and then by the family or clan name. Nothing but the first name should ever be changed. If the name has a bad meaning such as "'Abdush-Shams"(slave of the sun), it should be changed, but ONLY if it is the individual's FIRST name. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed the names of several of the sahabah because of their negative meanings, but there was never anycase where the father's name was omitted or changed even where it has a completely reprehensible meaning. Harb ibn 'Abdush-Shams was one such case. His name became 'Abdur-Rahman ibn 'Abdush-Shams.Al-Aqiqah. Sacrifice two lambs for a boy and one lamb for a girl. Prepare the food and invite the Muslims to eat.Divorce. Divorce is allowed in Islam but not encourage nor to be taken lightly.Divorce is the sole prerogative of the man. If a woman desires to end the marria

ge but the man is unwilling to do so, she must resort to khul'a before the imamor a qadhi. A man should not surprise his wife with a divorce without any misdeed on her part. It is not allowed for the woman to force her husband to divorce without any misdeed or corruption on his part.From Thauban that Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Anywoman who asks her husband for divorce without any wrongdoing, forbidden to heris even the scent of Paradise." (This hadith is authentic.)If he must divorce, he must adhere to the following:He must divorce her after her period is complete and before they have been together.He should pronounce only one divorce and take advantage of the period of ruj'a during which he can easily reverse his decision.Islam has forbidden celibacy, monasticism and castration for such purposes. The

Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) made this clear when he told those companions who were considering acetic forms of life: "I pray and I sleep; I fast and I break my fast; and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my way of life isnot from me." The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) not only encouragedmarriage but he encouraged marrying those women who are child-bearing. He stated: "Marry the loving, child-bearing women, for I shall have the largest numbersamong the Prophets on the day of Resurrection." (Recorded by Ahmad and ibn Hibban)"And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" [Noble Quran 17:31]Hence, Muslims should never abort or kill their children out of fear of poverty.It is Allah who provides for them.Based on the above points and numerous others, the scholars who participated inthe research on this question came up with the following resolution:It is not allowed to enact a general law that limits the freedom of spouses in having children.It is forbidden to "permanently" end a man's or a woman's ability to produce children, such as by having a hysterectomy or vasectomy, as long as that is not called for by circumstances of necessity according to its Islamic framework.It is permissible to control the timing of births with the intent of distancingthe occurrences of pregnancy or to delay it for a specific amount of time, if there is some Shari'ah need for that in the opinion of the spouses, based on mutual consultation and agreement between them. However, this is conditioned by thatnot leading to any harm, by it being done by means that are approved in the Shari'ah and that it not do anything to oppose a current and existing pregnancy.

Ar-rejalu qawwa muna 'alan-nisa'a bima fadhdhallahu ba'dhahum 'ala bi'dhi wa bima anfaqu min amwalihim. Fas-saliHatu qaintat HafaTHatul-lilghaybi bimaa HafiTHal-lahu, wal-lati takhafuna nushuza hunna fa'iTHuu hunna wa hjuruu hunna fiil-lmad


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ha ji'i wadhribu hunna. Fa'in aTa'nakum flaa tabghuu 'alayhinna sabiilan. Innal-laha kaana 'aliyaan kabiira(n).One Explanation (tafsir) given of this surahc (chapter 4:34) according to some scholars is:"Men are the support of women as God gives some more means than others, and because they spend of their wealth (to provide for them). So women who are virtuousare obedient to God and guard the hidden as God has guarded it. As for women who

are averse in behavior, talk to them suasively, leave them alone in bed and tapthem (like a doctor would tap a patient - lightly), if they open out to you, donot seek an excuse for blaming them. Surely God is sublime and great."Meaning of the WordsFor the three words fa'izu, wahjaru, and wadribu in the original, translated here 'talk to them suasively,' 'leave them alone (in bed - fi'l-madage'),' and taplightly (percuss them), respectively,Fa'izu (to use persuasive speech or admonishment)Fa'izu, implies the first step should be to make clear to them using straight talk, the position they are in and what is required to comply with the teaching ofIslam. This approach may be repeated until it is established she has understoodand is willing to comply and come back into line with the proper expected of a

Muslim woman.Hajara - Wahjaru (do not touch or molest them)Hajara, he says, means to separate body from body, and points out that the expression wahjaru hunna metaphorically means to refrain from touching or molesting them. Zamakhshari is more explicit in his Kshshaf when he says, 'do not get inside their blankets.'Daraba (tap lightly as 'percuss', not to beat)Daraba lightly tap them (women).' This view is strengthened by the Prophet's authentic hadith found in a number of authorities, including Bukhari and Muslim:"Could any of you beat your wife as he would a slave, and then lie with her in the evening?"There are other traditions in Abu Da'ud, Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Ahmad bin Hanbal andothers, to the effect that he forbade the beating of any woman, saying:

"Never beat God's handmaidens."Source:Al-Quran: a contemporary translation by Ahmed Ali, Princeton University Press, 1988; pp78-79In the past, some translators of this verse have mistakeningly used the word "beat" to represent the word "dhaaraba" in Arabic. This is not the opinion of all scholars and those who are well grounded in both Islam understanding and the English language.Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend from their means (to support thewomen). Therefore the righteous women are devout and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, go back to them (in intimacy), if they return to obedience and do not seek any means of annoyance against them. Certainly, Allah is Most High, Most Great.[Noble Quran 4:34]Other translators have offered words such as, "tap" and "pat" to represent a physical type of admonisment. While definitely coming closer to what might be acceptable in many circles than such expressions as "hit" or "beat", this still doesnot properly demonstrate the position and usage of such terms in relation to thefirst of the verse and the connection to the following passage, wherein the clear instructions deal with the women who do not come into compliance. Therefore,it likely be considered to mean: "tap lightly as a doctor would examine a patient".We understand from this some of the translations are not properly representing t

he spirit of the meaning. Therefore, they cannot be considered to be the representation of what has been intended by Almighty God.Now we can properly understand that Almighty God has commanded the men to provid


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e for the women and allow them to keep all of their wealth, inheritance and income without demanding anything from them for support and maintenance. Additionally, if she should be guilty of lewd or indecent conduct, the husband is told to first, admonish her and then she should cease this lewdness. However, if she should continue in this indecency, then he should no longer share the bed with her,and this would continue for a period of time. Finally, if she would repent thenhe would take up sharing the bed with her again.

Dr. Jamal Badawi (St. Mary's University, Nova Scotia) is of the opinion these (three stages) are necessary steps prior to divorce. Instead of a man saying, "I divorce you" three times in a row, he should follow this procedure before actinghastily and thereby doing something unwise and displeasing to Allah. The first step would be as mentioned above, to give her a "good talking to" and then if shecontinued in such unpleasing behavior, to leave the bed (not have intercourse with her) for a period of time and then finally, the last straw would be to "pat"her on the arm (as you would stroke a sheep or animal) to signify to her this is the final straw and then if she still persisted in her bad way, he could divorce her.Regardless of the various positions and opinions, there is no permission established through the teachings of the Quran or the Sunnah (way) of Muhammad, peace a

nd blessings be upon him, wherein one person could "beat" another person at their own discretion.The Truth About the Age of Ayshah and Her Marriage to Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).by Yusuf EstesHe did not accept the first offer of marriage to Ayshah when her father had cometo him with the proposal, instead he married an older, large woman named Sawdah.Ayshah had been offered in marriage and engaged prior to being offered to the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. That marriage never took place.When Ayshah was older, again her father offered her in marriage and the proposalwas accepted.The whole family was happily involved and most elated in having the prophet of G

od as their close relative through marriage.Ayshah herself was very happy with this marriage as is evidenced by the hundredsof teachings she later related after his death (peace and blessings be upon him).Details of Clear Proofs and EvidencesWhat is the truth behind of the age of prophet's wife, Ayesha?Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did not go to Ayesha at all.There was only the offer of marriage, never anything less than this - and the offer was not from the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to Ayesha - it was from her father to the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be uponhim).Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) never had sex outside of marriage.First of all, let us be crystal clear about a very important subject. The prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) never had sex at all, until after being married, at the age of 25, to a widowed woman, Khadijah, who was 15 years older than he was.When his wife Khadijah died a number of people tried to encourage the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to take another wife and get married again. Ayshah's name was mentioned, but he chose to marry Sawdah, who was known for her bigsize.All of this is well documented and preserved in the annuls of Muslim scholars for fourteen centuries.How was Ayesha viewed by others at the time and throughout the history of Islam?She was highly respected as the daughter of Abu Bakr, a man known as "As-Siddiq"

(The one who verifies truth). Abu Bakr was the life long friend of the prophetMuhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and the first man to accept Islam after revelation of Quran started.


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What was Ayesha like?Ayesha was very intelligent and brilliant in her mind and excellent in treatmentof her parents. She was known to give full respect to her husband, Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. She was once accused by some hypocrites of immorality, but in her innocence she did not even know what she was being accused of until her mother explained it to her. And it was Allah who cleared her name forever, by mentioning her purity and innocence in the Quran (Surah An-Nur chapter 24

). She became the first of women scholars and teachers of Islam. No other womannarrated as many hadiths as Ayesha.Marriage offer first came from who?Khawlah (a Muslim companion woman), suggested the marriage of Ayesha to the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). He did not accept it.Who next offered her hand in marriage to the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)?Abu Bakr had offered his daughter in marriage to someone else prior to the offermade to the prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Abu Bakr sent his wife out to bring in his daughter to offer her in marriage to the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and then she returned back outside to play. The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not accept even though it was very m

uch the custom of the time to accept such an offer of marriage from someone as close as Abu Bakr was to the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. There is an ayah in the Quran related to this topic, in Surah An-Nisa', chapter 4, verse 19 - telling us women cannot be inherited against their will. This was the firsttime for such a ruling in favor of women and it came about to protect women fromthe very thing people are now trying to accuse our religion of supporting. Thetruth bears out over the falsehood, in this case very clear.What did Allah reveal in the Quran about forced marriages and child brides (notold enough to be married)?How long before the next offer of marriage by her father to the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)?When Ayesha was a few years older, her father Abu Bakr, again had the mother bring her into the house to offer her in marriage to the prophet, peace and blessin

gs be upon him. The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did accept this offer made some years later, when Ayesha was old enough according to Islam (able to bear children).Was she now considered by Allah to be old enough for marriage?Yes. This time is was accepted and plans for the marriage were set in place. Shetells us of the excitement, preparation and wonderful experience of her being offered and accepted in marriage to the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)and their closeness and intimacy. All of this is described in the most beautiful context with nothing left out and yet nothing disgusting - only beauty and enjoyment as described in her own words. The lessons she taught have helped marriedcouples in Islam to know what the limits are and how to share the most pleasurebetween a married couple in both physical and spiritual ways.What was the "norm" regarding the subject of marriage at the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and Ayesha?Actually, the people of Arabia had the custom of marrying off any of their girlsat the age of the beginning of their monthly cycles.Even the Arch Bishop of Canterbury would not have been blamed for marrying a young girl back one hundred years or so as this was still accepted at that time.Consider the Catholic Church claims that Mary, may Allah's peace be on her, wasmarried to Joseph before having Jesus (peace and blessings be upon him) and herage was just a year or two older than Ayshah's age, but Joseph was mentioned asbeing in his 90's! (we do not have this story in Islam, because Mary is considered a true virgin and never married and never had other children except for JesusChrist (peace and blessings be upon him).The marriage of Ayesha to Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is nothing

less than the best love story ever written.Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet leaves much to be desired by comparison. Considerthe contrast and be honest in your conclusion:


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Romeo and Juliet both were running around behind their parents back - with someone whom they did not approve of at all - their families were fighting each otherin a feud and they forbid them to be together at all.Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was being offered the hand ofthe daughter of his best friend, Abu Bakr in a marriage environment. All of thefamily members were happy about this and had approved of the marriage.Romeo and Juliet had their affair in secrecy without the benefit of clergy (not

married).Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and Ayesha waited until aftermarriage and even after a courtship period described in beautiful details by Ayesha herself.Romeo and Juliet both committed suicide. According to Judaism and Christianity as well as Islam - anyone who commits suicide will go to Hell forever.Ayesha and Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) both believed in One God -the God of the Jews and the God of Christ (peace and blessings be upon him) andthey both preached a message of salvation through direct repentance to AlmightyGod.Above all, they will be together in the Paradise where they will live - happilyever after.

Monogamy illogical. If a man wishes to have a second wife whom he takes care ofand whose children carry his name and he provides for he is considered a criminal, bigamist, who may be sentenced to years in jail. However, if he has numerousmistresses and illegitimate children his relation is considered legal.http://www.islamswomen.com/marriage/islams_position_on_polygamy.php

It is not permissible for him to hit his wife in a way that causes her to bleedor hurts her. This is sinful aggression and enmity, because the basic principleis that the Muslim's blood, honour, wealth and skin are sacred and protected, and it is not permissible to strike him except in cases where the Lawgiver has allowed striking that is not severe and does not cause harm, if there is the fear of wilful defiance (nushooz) on the part of the wife, and exhorting and shunninghave not been to any avail.

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