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Moving From Victim to Victorious
Jessica MoehrProgram Manager, Consultant, Trainer
Today’s Goal
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Change the way we think to naturally gravitate to positive
thoughts, which drive our behaviors and attitude, and influence other around us.
The Victim Mentality
• I’ve done everything I possibly can.
• Why does this always happen to me?
• My boss doesn’t respect me.
• That’s not fair.• If they would just do ‘that,’
things would be better.• I don’t have time to deal
with their foolishness.• It wasn’t my idea so you
can’t blame me.
• What about me?• They just won’t listen to what
I have to say.• You messed me up.• It’s too late now, damage is
done.• I’ll change when they change.• I couldn’t help it.• They need to be taught a
lesson.• Anyone in my situation
would be angry, too.
The Cortisol Cycle
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Trigger occurs
Brain releases Cortisol
More sensitive to
stressors
Lose perspective
Suppress control of Cortisol
The Power of Choice
Stimulus Reaction
Choice
RESPONSE
System 1 and System 2 Thinking
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System 1 System 2
“Fast” “Slow”
UnconsciousEffortlessAutomatic
Deliberate and ConsciousEffortful
Controlled
Without self-awareness With self-awareness
What you see is all there is Logical and skeptical
Adapted from Thinking, Fast and Slow by psychologist Daniel Kahneman
The Victim Mentality
• I’ve done everything I possibly can.
• Why does this always happen to me?
• My boss doesn’t respect me.
• That’s not fair.• If they would just do ‘that,’
things would be better.• I don’t have time to deal
with their foolishness.• It wasn’t my idea so you
can’t blame me.
• What about me?• They just won’t listen to what
I have to say.• You messed me up.• It’s too late now, damage is
done.• I’ll change when they change.• I couldn’t help it.• They need to be taught a
lesson.• Anyone in my situation
would be angry, too.
Changing Your Mindset
The Victim Mentality
If things are going wrong or badly, or not to my liking, then someone is to blame. It is necessary to identify the person(s), circumstance(s), or source(s) of why things are not as I think they should be. Blame must be determined and accepted by the wrongdoer, and things must be made right. I am justified by being emotionally upset.
Personal Accountability
I completely and wholly accept that everything that has ever happened to me, that is presently happening to me, and that will happen to me in the future provides me with opportunities for learning and growth. No one else can be rightly blamed for any negativity. I seek no exceptions to this belief, even when the apparent cause is not of my making.
Self Directed Neuroplasticity
consciously control how we want our brains to work
1. Awareness
2. Attention
3. Volition (Willpower)
4. Consistency
5. Brain Changes
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Defining Attitude
An inward feeling expressed by outward behavior.
Energy that fuels your thoughts, feelings and actions based on the difference between your expectations and perceptions (your definition of reality) of a situation.
What Attitude Can and Cannot Do
Can
Make a difference in your approach to life
Make a difference in your relationships with people
Make a difference in how you face challenges
Be a difference maker
Cannot
Substitute for competence
Substitute for experience
Change the facts
Substitute for personal growth
Stay positive automatically
Breaking the Cortisol Cycle
• Build personal resilience
• Live the Basic Principles
• Focus on what can be controlled
• Actively seek out the positive in your day
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Resilience
1.: the capability of a strained body to recover
its size and shape after deformation caused
especially by compressive stress.
2.: an ability to recover from or adjust easily
to misfortune or change
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Basic Principles
Focus on the situation, issue, or
behavior, not on the person
Maintain the self-
confidence and self-
esteem of others
Maintain constructive relationships
Take initiative to make
things better
Lead by example
Think beyond the
moment
Stephen Covey (with a twist)
Concern
Influence
Control
THANK YOU For Your Time
Any Final Questions?
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Jessica MoehrProgram Manager, Fully Prepared to Lead
Office of Human Resources | Office of Talent ManagementLearning and Talent Development
