MODULE 3 | LIMITING BELIEFS - DEBILITATING STRESSORS€¦ · the “cans” and “can’ts,” and the “dos” and “don’ts” that we obey as if they were true. They are reﬂected

MODULE 3 | LIMITING BELIEFS - DEBILITATING STRESSORS

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INTRODUCTION

In Modules 1 and 2, we established that thoughts alone have the power to create stress. We also established that prolonged stress, even low-level stress, is cumulative and detrimental to the body. It activates the fight-or-flight response, increases adrenaline and cortisol in the body, and denies our cells continuous growth by keeping them in a state of protection. But our thoughts are not the only surprising contributor to our on-going stress. Subconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves, our lives, and our world can also play a role in keeping our stress meter high. In fact, most of our stress comes from faulty beliefs.

Module 3 is about bringing into plain sight and reversing the powerful limiting beliefs we hold about our self and our world - beliefs that relate to our worth, our relationships, our career, our ability to attract abundance, our health, literally every aspect of our life.

BELIEFS

Our beliefs, which come from past events and life experiences, can be empowering or they can pose limits. Beliefs are empowering when they strengthen and support our actions and behaviors. These types of beliefs are nurturing, self-supporting, and encouraging - beliefs such as “I am valued, I am creative, or I can succeed at whatever I attempt.” These beliefs support a constructive/positive internal environment, create constructive/positive emotions, and help us feel good. Beliefs are limiting when they inhibit us and influence our actions and behaviors such that they restrict our possibilities and potential. These limiting beliefs are undermining, self-critical, and self-denigrating - beliefs such as, “I don’t belong, I’m not good enough, or Everything I do is wrong.” Beliefs like these support a non-constructive/negative internal environment, and contribute to non-constructive/negative feelings and emotions. Whether empowering or limiting, our beliefs have an effect on every part of our life.

ACTIVITY #1: Empowering or Limiting (See Activity #1 of Worksheet)

Put yourself in each of the following situations and take note of what emotions come up for you and how you feel. How you feel about a belief determines its effect on you. It isn’t actually the belief, but the feeling behind it that has power. Do these following thoughts represent underlying empowering beliefs, or limiting beliefs?

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As you are listening to the weather report, you learn that it is going to rain on your vacation day tomorrow.

Situation 1: You may be thinking, “Great, we really need the rain and it’s going to be good for the flowers and lawn.”

Situation 2: You may be thinking, “Darn, I can’t be outdoors and do the things I want to do.”

In each of these situations, how do you feel? What emotions come up? What are the underlying beliefs that are triggering your thoughts?

Everyone holds their own beliefs and the same event may impact their belief system differently. For example, if a student gave a presentation in front of her third grade class and her classmates laughed at something she said, she might form the belief that, “Speaking in front of people is fun and I can make people laugh.” She would then enthusiastically choose to take advantage of future opportunities to speak in front of others. This would be an example of an empowering belief.

On the other hand, if while giving a presentation in front of his third grade class, another student said something and his classmates laughed, he might form the belief that, “Speaking in front of people is threatening and unsafe.” In the future, he would resist and be fearful of speaking in front of others, even if he knew doing so would help him become more successful. This is an example of a limiting belief because it doesn’t serve him and limits his future behavior and actions.

LIMITING BELIEFS

EFT Founder, Gary Craig, uses the metaphor “the writing on our walls” to refer to our beliefs, our “truths,” or the way things are as we have perceived them.

Like the example above, we believe what we believe due to our interpretation of specific events and experiences throughout our life that provide supporting and convincing evidence. Our beliefs reflect what we have learned from influential people, books, magazines, TV and other social media.

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Beliefs formed during the first six years of life are of particular significance since during those years we are like sponges, absorbing the beliefs, attitudes and behaviors of parents, grandparents, teachers, clergy, and peers. We may “learn” or “interpret” early on from a disapproving glance, a reprimand, a criticism, or a harsh word that we are not important, aren’t loved, or no matter what we do, we aren’t good enough. Experiences like these can shake up our trust and confidence and leave us insecure. As a child, it doesn’t take a major trauma for us to doubt if we are really safe, loved, good enough, or fit in.

While the writing on our walls may not be a reality, once it is there, our subconscious looks for evidence to support it, making the belief stronger and stronger over time. This would be the case every time we ask for a date and get turned down. These experiences might reinforce limiting beliefs such as, I’m not attractive enough, I’m not a jock, or I’m not good enough. Since our actions and behaviors are based entirely on our beliefs, we might conclude that asking for a date is a waste of time or that no-one would be interested in going out with me. In this way, our beliefs create our reality. We may think we are free to do something, but the things we choose to do, or not do, will always be driven by what we subconsciously believe. This conflict between the conscious and subconscious causes stress. Thus, our stress level is a reflection, in large part, of the beliefs we hold, the emotions those beliefs trigger, and how those beliefs translate into action.

These writings on our walls become the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts,” the “cans” and “can’ts,” and the “dos” and “don’ts” that we obey as if they were true. They are reflected in our careers, our incomes, our relationships, our self-images, and even our weight. In fact, there isno part of our life that is not affected by the “writing on our walls.”

The sad part is that when we have a limiting belief, we often don’t even test that limit. A person who thinks he’s not attractive enough to attract a mate may never even ask for a date. A woman who believes she’s too old to start a new career may pass up a fruitful opportunity.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/career

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CORE BELIEFS

Some limiting beliefs impact our behavior less than others. For example, the belief that I can’t sing would have little impact on my life if I never had the urge to sing. However, the fact that I hold the belief that I can’t sing also has guided my decisions not to pursue singing as a leisure activity. While it does’t impact me emotionally, it has impacted my decisions and limited my choices.

ACTIVITY #2: Identifying a Limiting Belief (See Activity #2 of Worksheet)

Think of a limiting belief that you hold that has likely had an impact on your actions, but has not resulted in negative emotions.

Other limiting beliefs are more powerful and seem as if they are written on our walls IN CAPITAL LETTERS. These most prominently written words, known as limiting core beliefs become the focus of our thinking and the centerpiece of our reality. Unlike the singing example, the belief that I WILL NEVER SUCCEED will likely impact my actions related to my career, my relationships, my finances, my leisure activities, etc., throughout my lifetime. Later we will ask you to discover a core limiting belief that likely IS impacting your life in a significant way.

Unfortunately, most of our limiting core beliefs are subconsciously programmed. They lie hidden within us, out of sight. These beliefs are often so subtle and so routine to us that we are unable to recognize them. Yet, these beliefs create our reality and become one of the major guiding forces in our life because we tend to think and act in ways that agree with our existing beliefs. For example, if you subconsciously hold the belief “I don’t deserve,” or “I’m not worthy,” you may enter into a relationship that may not be the best for you. Rather than

paying attention to the “red flags,” you decide to stick with it because your core belief is broadcasting that you don’t deserve or are not worthy of better.

In the 7th Annual Tapping World Summit, Karl Dawson, EFT Master Practitioner, identifies five core beliefs and sub-categories which affect every area of our life. The core beliefs and a partial list of the sub-categories are provided below. Everyone has limiting core beliefs. Which of these do you identify with?

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The world is not a safe placeI don’t want to be here; I’m not safePeople are mean/cruel; people can’t be trustedThe world is dangerousIt’s dangerous to change; I fear changeIt’s dangerous to hope; I fear the futureI am powerless

I’m not good enoughI am trouble/a burdenI’m not lovableI fear authorityI fear failureI’m not important; I haven’t got a voice; I am less thanI have to sufferI’ll never be capable; I’m not clever enoughThere’s something wrong with meI don’t deserve; I’m not worthy

I’m always rejected/unlovedI am rejected; Everyone will leave meI’m not wantedI won’t be chosenI am misunderstood; People don’t hear meI’m not enough; I am worthless; I don’t matterI’m not loved; I’m all aloneGood things leave/end; I can’t have nice/good things

I’m separate/don’t belongI must not disappoint peopleI don’t fit in; People won’t like meI must be perfect/fit in to be lovedAchievement is hardI must be invisible to be safeI always make the wrong choicesI’m a victim of heredityIt’s not safe to be myself

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I’m guilty/responsibleI am badI must put myself lastI am responsible for othersI can’t say noI have no escapeI must be strong/in controlI must be the best; I must be rightIt’s all my faultI’m no good; I am second rate/not as good as . . .

So, if we are subconsciously holding on to limiting core beliefs about ourselves, such as those above, our actions and decisions will reflect those beliefs in every thing we do. In addition to our behavior, over the long term, our core beliefs can affect our attitude to life, our interactions with others, our health, and just about every thought or feeling that we have.

As mentioned, limiting core beliefs are mostly subconsciously programmed. Further, subconscious beliefs and the emotions they generate are always more powerful than conscious beliefs. Since research has shown that 95-99 percent of our behavior is actually controlled by our subconscious mind, most of our behavior is governed by our subconscious beliefs.

In our every-day living, we probably don't stop to think about the limiting beliefs we hold, and to do so can be challenging. These beliefs can become so engrained in the fabric of our identities that we don’t even recognize them as limiting beliefs. Instead, we accept them as facts. As we consult our walls for just about everything, our thoughts inform our opportunities as well as our limits … and often they conflict with each other. For example, in reference to making money, on a conscious level, we may think, “I can earn any amount of money I want.” But, on a subconscious level we may harbor one or more of the following limiting beliefs:

I don’t measure up.People in my family don’t make lots of money.I’m not as good as the competition. I’m a minority/woman which limits my ability to earn money.

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Getting ahead depends on who you know.People in my profession don’t earn lots of money.I am inadequate.

This fictional list of limits can go on indefinitely.

No matter what we do, we assume, at least subconsciously, that the outcomes of our actions will only confirm these beliefs. Not only will we pursue our plans with less energy, confidence, and focus, but our subconscious mind will also filter and interpret the results of our actions according to these limiting beliefs. Again, through this self-reinforcing cycle, a limiting belief becomes our identity.

FINDING OUR CORE LIMITING BELIEFS

So how do we know what our most powerful limiting beliefs are? Playing detective, the first place to start is simply look at your life. As Tony Robbins says, “You always succeed in producing a result.” By that, he means that the result you’ve got is exactly the result you’ve produced. It’s not a mistake. Consciously or subconsciously, what you got is based on what you believe.

That’s not meant to be harsh. Actually, knowing that you have created your results can be empowering! And if the results you have produced are not what you want, there’s one or more limiting beliefs in play.

Say, for example, your financial picture is a mess. You work really hard and make decent money, but you haven’t been able to get out of debt or haven’t earned the amount of money to be “comfortable.” You’ve trimmed your expenses, have stuck to a tight budget, done everything you can think of—but you’re still not getting ahead financially.

If you find yourself in this situation, there are limiting beliefs producing your unwanted results.

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USING AFFIRMATIONS TO IDENTIFY LIMITING BELIEFS

The writing on our walls is often exposed by using affirmations. An affirmation is a statement that is contrary to how things actually are. For instance, if you have had trouble developing a relationship, you might state the affirmation, “I am irresistible and can easily find my perfect romantic partner!” Yet, that little voice in your head reminds you of the writing on your walls and says, “Women don’t like men like you.” or “Who would be interested in you?” or “You’re not good enough!” The affirmation actually conflicts with the writing on your walls. The more you state your affirmation, the more you reinforce your subconscious limiting beliefs.

Tail-Enders

When information is in direct opposition to what‘s already on our walls, our self talk provides instantaneous objections that support our existing “truth.” Gary Craig calls these objections “tail-enders.” Tail-enders are those “little voices” in our head that speak up after we state a positive affirmation.

Staying with the relationship example, by repeating the affirmation, any or all of the following self-talk, little voice comments, or tail-enders may surface:

Who do you think you are?Women won’t be interested in you.You’ve been in love once, it won’t happen again.Men (or women) aren’t trustworthy.Your relationships will never last.You don’t have what women are looking for.

These are just examples and are not spoken or articulated, but are subtle and powerful reflections of the existing writing on our walls. They are, in fact, the true affirmations.

If we listen to ourselves talk, we will hear our "limits" and other forms of affirmations come rolling out of our heads.

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ACTIVITY #3: Identifying Core Beliefs (See Activity #3 of Worksheet)

Identify an area of your life that you are not satisfied with, i.e. relationships, income, health, weight, job satisfaction, self-confidence. Pick an area you have tried to improve, but no matter what, things just don’t seem to get better.

Here are some questions to get your detective work started:

What are the results you have produced in that area of your life? Where are your results not in alignment with what you really want to be, do, or have? What do you say to yourself about that area? For example, if you’re having trouble finding a relationship, maybe you explain it with something like, “Women only want men who have a lot of money” or “Guys are only interested in younger women.” Anything you say to yourself to justify why it isn’t working out for you is a limiting belief.What results would you want? What affirmation will capture that result?When you state that affirmation, what tail-enders do you hear?

The answers to these questions can start unearthing your limiting beliefs. The beliefs you uncover will sound true to you. They will sound perfectly reasonable and valid and you probably can come up with lots of evidence supporting them! But they are still beliefs that are getting in the way of what you want. So unless you are willing to totally give up on your goals and desires, they are limiting beliefs that you don’t want to keep around.

Oftentimes, limiting beliefs are not that conscious. Maybe you’ve learned to squelch your negative thoughts before they get rev’d up, and you have gotten good at positive self-talk. So you don’t hear any limiting beliefs in your head. But you’ll know you have still got a limiting belief lurking if your emotions are negative about that area.

For example, if you are bogged down with financial pressures, how do you feel about it? Anxious? Angry? Hopeless? If you stay with that emotion and acknowledge it for a moment, you’ll find the limiting belief right beneath it. For example, anxiety might be saying, “What will people think of me?”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/motivation

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anxiety

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Anger might reflect “Life isn’t fair to people like me.” Underneath hopelessness might be, “I’m just not strong enough or smart enough to figure this out.”

These stress-bearing limiting beliefs are hiding out in the areas where you are producing results that you don’t want. These limiting beliefs have shaped everything you have done. They have prevented you from seeing opportunities and maybe even discouraged you from trying at all. Time to expose them, eliminate them, and reduce their stressful impact on your life! Once you do that, you have choice.

USING EFT TO SHIFT LIMITING BELIEFS

It is important to emphasize that limiting beliefs trigger non-constructive/negative emotions, whether those beliefs are conscious or subconscious. Becoming aware of our limiting beliefs gives us the ability to shift our emotions, actions and behaviors, thus changing our life experiences. Any belief that does not serve us can be changed. So, now that we’ve dragged some of those limiting beliefs out of the closet, what do we do with them?

Fortunately, over the last few decades a plethora of Energy Psychology techniques have emerged which have enabled the transformation of beliefs. EFT is one of these. And, one particular EFT technique known as Little Voice Tapping, created by Business Coach, Pamela Bruner, is particularly effective in addressing limiting beliefs. We will explore this technique in detail shortly.

TRUTH METER

Prior to tapping on affirmations or limiting beliefs, it is a good idea to determine how true the affirmation or limiting belief “feels” when we say it out loud. A “Truth Meter” (TM) is a useful tool. It represents a scale of 0-10 with 0 meaning it doesn’t feel true at all, and a 10 meaning the belief feels totally true. If we are dealing

with limiting beliefs, the goal is to get the number to 0. If we are tapping on affirmations, the goal is to get the meter to 10.

Again, revisiting the relationship example above, tapping on the limiting belief “Women don’t like men like me,” can change the way the belief is expressed as

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anger

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writings on our walls. By tapping, we could rewrite that limiting belief to become, “I have a lot to offer in a relationship and the ideal partner is waiting out there for me.” This new empowering belief would become the new ‘writing on our walls’ and then guide our actions and behaviors around searching for a relationship.

LITTLE VOICE TAPPING

The Little Voice refers to the critical subconscious voice inside your head that says, “Who do you think you are kidding?” or “You’re not good enough to do that.” Its job is to keep you safe, keep you from being disappointed, not necessarily to help you become successful.

This process retrains the Little Voice to be a support rather than an over-protective critic. Keep in mind as you tap that when you treat the Little Voice as a part of you that wants to be helpful, but needs guidance, the re-training will go much more easily than if you fight with it and make it wrong.

During this tapping process, you’ll tap continuously through the points, rather than tapping a single statement at each point. This is called Continuous Tapping. Move from point to point when you are ready to do so. Also, there is no Set-Up Statement in Little Voice Tapping.

ACTIVITY #4: Little Voice Tapping (See Activity #4 of Worksheet)

1. Develop an affirmation. Select an area of your life with which you are not comfortable. Develop an affirmation that would communicate how you would like things to be.

2. Close your eyes and visualize a safe place that you can have this conversation and begin Continuous Tapping. The safe place could be a cloud, the beach, a flower garden, the woods, any place you would like to be. Focus on a single tapping point for each step.

3. Speak your affirmation aloud. Listen for that little voice (or voices) in your head, and let it speak loudly. What are the words it is using to disagree with your affirmation?

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4. Imagine - if these words were coming from a face, what would it look like? Is it a he or she? If you have trouble visualizing it, have a conversation with the voice without the face.

5. Tell the little voice (LV) that although you’ve not been listening in the past, you are now ready to listen to what it has to say.

6. Ask it, “Why are you telling me this?” Then, listen carefully to its response. Usually, the voice says something like, “I don’t think that you can do this and I don’t want you to fail.” It may take some questioning and dialogue with the LV to get to this point. Consider what the voice is saying. Is there a way it can be interpreted as either, “I want you to be happy” or “I want to keep you safe.” You may want to keep asking questions of the LV until you clarify one of these two messages.

7. Thank the LV for its concern and caring. You don’t have to thank it for its actions, only for the motivation behind them. The voice represents a part of you that has been ignored and disempowered. Take note of what happens when you thank the LV. Think of the voice as an employee that you cannot fire. Your goal is to retrain it to work for you, rather than sabotaging your efforts.

8. After expressing gratitude, tell the voice that what you’re

looking for now is different, and ask if it might be willing to support you in a new way. This step is about turning your inner critic into an inner coach. How does the LV respond?

9. Explain to the LV that working with the new affirmation will lead to your happiness or to your safety. As you explain it, the reality of the new affirmation will become stronger for you as well.

10. You may need to negotiate with the LV to come to an agreement on how it will support you.

Is there a way you can achieve your affirmation without the LV’s objection?How can the LV best support you? What would that look like/sound like in the way of support

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Tell the LV, “Instead of what you’ve been saying, I’d like you to support me from now on by being a cheerleader rather than a critic whenever I say my affirmation,” thus giving the LV a new specific job. Tell the LV, “That way I would never worry about ____________ because I would always have you cheering me on. Would you be wiling to take on this new role?”

11. When you have agreement from the LV, again offer gratitude for its support. Ask if there is anything else it needs to tell you or hear from you at this point, and listen carefully until the conversation is complete.

12. Repeat your affirmation aloud, and listen for any new “Tail-enders” or “Yeah, but” responses . . .” You should hear only the positive support that your new coach is offering.

13. Has the appearance of the face changed? Say goodbye for now

to your new coach.

Repeat your affirmation out loud and listen to what your Little Voice has to say now. If you still hear objections, revisit the LV process and make sure the LV is in agreement with how you asked it to support you. It may be necessary to tell the LV exactly what you want it to say or do when you think about or state your affirmation.

Most likely, however, you now have new empowering writing on your walls that will support your actions and behaviors in a new way and reduce the stress contributing to your life in this area.

Practice• Complete Activities #1-#4 of Worksheet• Make note of areas of your life that may not be going the way you want them

to and practice identifying and modifying existing limiting beliefs using the Little Voice Tapping Technique.

• Practice tapping daily using the Limiting Beliefs audio meditation found at http://www.wellnesswithinct.com/module3x/

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DISCLAIMER

In participating in the Stress Less and Thrive Program, you take full responsibility for your own emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being. You understand the practitioners at Wellness Within offer their services as mentors and coaches, not psychologists, psychotherapists, physicians, or other licensed health care providers.

All materials included in the Stress Less and Thrive Program are provided for informational purposes only and are not intended to serve as a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, dietary advice, diagnosis or treatment.

If you should have any questions concerning any medical or psychological condition, the WellnessWithin Practitioners advise you to seek professional advice as appropriate before making any health decisions. Information in the Stress Less and Thrive Program should never take the place of the advice of a qualified health care provider.

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MODULE 3 | LIMITING BELIEFS - DEBILITATING STRESSORS€¦ · the “cans” and “can’ts,” and the “dos” and “don’ts” that we obey as if they were true. They are reﬂected