8172019 Microsoft Word - Wong Ka Wai (1)

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You have done a good job trying to develop your ideas for the first draft but there are

a few things you can consider improving to make it a better essay overall and to

make it easier for the reader to follow your good ideas

Be careful about your grammar You need to rephrase quite a number of your

sentences Eg (P3) lsquoHis sharing and wordings are definitely help enhance my

leadership skillsrsquorsquoAlso there is a quite I love it much in this bookrsquo

The section about Nickrsquos character traits is quite brief To sum up what kind of

qualities does he have Please analyze one by one and cite specific supporting

examples to illustrate

You also need to include a self-reflection in your essay Please develop this section

in your next draft

The Reference list should be written on a separate page For more information on the

APA style refer to httpwwwapastyleorg