Michaelangelo Effect

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ScienceDaily (Dec. 31, 2009) — Is that really Bob?

You've seen him hundreds of mornings for the last

10 years at local coffee shops. Since he started

dating Sara, he looks you in the eye -- and smiles.

Sara takes every opportunity to let coffee shopcronies know that Bob is her guy and to gush about

how funny he is. And he is. Who knew?

Think of Sara like Michelangelo

chipping away at a block of marble to

release the ideal figure slumbering

within.

A new international review of seven

papers on "the Michelangelo

phenomenon" shows that when close

partners affirm and support each

other's ideal selves, they and the

relationship benefit greatly.

"To the degree that the sculpting

process has gone well, that you have

helped mold me toward my ideal self,

the relationship functions better and

both partners are happier. And over

the long term, I more or less come to

reflect what my partner sees and

elicits from me," said Eli Finkel,

associate professor of psychology in the Weinberg College of

Arts and Sciences at Northwestern University.

Finkel co-authored the review with Caryl E. Rusbult, Vrije

Universiteit Amsterdam, and Madoka Kumashiro, Goldsmiths,University of London. "The Michelangelo Phenomenon"

appears in the December issue of the journal Current

Directions in Psychological Science.

The Michelangelo effect is not simply about supporting your

partner, nor is it about promoting what you think your partner's

ideal self should be. "Even if partners treat us in perfectly

loving, supportive ways, if the treatment is not consistent with

the person we dream of becoming, we have to pay attention to

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those red flags," Finkel warned. "Is that the person you want to

be married to 10 years down the road?"

The Michelangelo studies show that close partners sculpt one

another's traits and skills and promote, versus inhibit, one

another's goal achievement. "It's not just that you treat me

positively," Finkel said. "You treat me in particular ways that

dovetail with my ideal self."

That's how Sara, an outgoing person with a great socialnetwork, brought Bob's best out in him. Sara made Bob more

comfortable being the person he wanted to be. With Sara

celebrating his ideal self, he became much funnier.

Just as the sculptor chisels, carves and polishes away flaws in

the stone to reveal the ideal form, so do skillful partners

support their loved ones' dreams, aspirations and the traits they

hope to develop, such as completing medical school or

becoming more fluent in a second language or more sociable.

Supporting a partner's image of his ideal self, whether it is a

vague yearning or a clearly articulated mental representation,

helps the loved one reduce the discrepancy between the actual

self and the ideal self.

Sara consciously may interpret the disparities between Bob's

actual self and ideal self in a benevolent way. She may help

Bob become more sociable at a dinner party, for example, by

subtly directing him to tell one of his most charming stories.

Conversely, a relationship can run into trouble when an

individual emphasizes attributes that are peripheral to the core

elements of what a partner ideally wishes to become. Take

Mary, a leading researcher and a beauty. If she prizes her

scholarly accomplishments above her physical virtues, she will

feel disaffirmed when her partner affectionately refers to her as

his "Colorado cutie." What that term of endearment represents

could ultimately doom the relationship.

Some people such as Sara, who is so warm and empathic, are

better sculptors than others and are particularly adept at

bringing out others' ideal selves. Some individuals may be on

the verge of achieving great personal growth and be open to

any number of people who could help them. And others, the

studies show, may have a much more difficult time bringing out

someone's ideal self or be much more resistant to the

Michelangelo effect.

The studies reviewed in the journal article used longitudinal

procedures to examine how people grow toward their ideal

selves over time as a result of how their partners treat them. At

the beginning of the studies, individuals reported on their actual

and their ideal selves, and their partners reported on how theyview the individuals. To gain an external perspective, some

studies incorporated the perspective of the individuals' friends.

Across studies, individuals were especially likely to grow

toward their ideal selves when their partners viewed them in

line with this ideal. The process ultimately promoted both

relational and personal well-being for both partners.

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Email or share this story: | More

APA

MLA

Finkel observed. "But we frequently neglect to think about

whether the person I hope to be in 10 years is consistent with

the person you want me to be in 10 years. When our partners

can chisel and polish us in a way that helps us to achieve our

ideal self, that's a wonderful thing."

Story Source:

Adapted from materials provided by Northwestern

University, via EurekAlert!, a service of AAAS.

Journal Reference:

. The Michelangelo Phenomenon. Current Directions in

Psychological Science, December 2009

1.

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