1. Christian Home and Marriage Week of Prayer

Introduction: Family and relationships are central to God’s plan of redemption. The family was established by God at creation as a fundamental human institution. It is the primary setting in which values are learned and the capacity for close relationships with God and mankind is developed.

God cares about families and wants to bless them abundantly. Staying connected with God is essential if we are to fully experience His blessings upon our families. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7)

Each man or woman comes into marriage with a unique personality trait. Both have a view of life that may differ dramatically from each other. If they cannot see things the same way, it will be very hard to harmonize and to live in peace. This does not mean that they cannot come to a consensus or understanding each other in future. To do so, it takes a solid discipline in-put, many people are not ready to adopt. This means that they need an external power to bind them together first, and secondly, help them be seen as a model of a Christian family.

More than that, in order for a Christian family to demonstrate to the world the power and excellence of the Christian influence and its impact around the society, there are several things that they have to fulfill in their life:

The first, and the most important of all, is what we find in the Word of God. “. . . Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

Secondly, to be a Christian and live a blessed life is determined by how we apply both Christian and good principles of life derived from the text above. To love God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our strength is the key to all success in Christian life. When we understand this principle we ought to teach it our children, telling them about our God. This will be our passion and responsibility toward our Lord as good Christians, and an abiding spiritual exercise that will bond our families together. In teaching, and praying for protection for our families, will bring us divine blessings and show other people that it is good to live a Christian life. This way, we will leave them, the whole Christian church, and the world in general, a lasting spiritual legacy.

Thirdly, to keep on repeating what we know to be important in our life is source of benediction to us and others. When commenting on the same scripture above, the author, Parsons, declares that: “This passage of scripture is called the Shema. It is included in Moses’ farewell address to the Jewish people. It is the first prayer that a Jewish child is taught. Many Jews still recite the Shema at least twice daily,

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morning and evening; it is the last words a Jew says prior to death. Special emphasis is given to the words: ‘The Lord our God, the Lord is one!’ Jewish scholars suggest that the Shema is a testimony of the sovereignty of God. It is a pledge of allegiance to the only one God and a declaration of faith.”2010, (‘Hebrews for Christians’)

The Bible gives more recommendations that help us to live fully connected with God Himself through reading His Word. There can never be a Christian life that is not built on the word of God. God has to be the force and the energy that brings the family together; the fuel that lets them move and act according to Christian model and attracts others into the loving care of Jesus Christ. This is the only way as Godly families we may shine the Christian life, when we maintain good relationship with the source of every wellness. Ellen G. White agrees, and adds this, strongly saying:

“Holiness to God is to pervade the home. . . Parents and children are to educate themselves to co-operate with God. They are to bring their habits and practices into harmony with God's plans. {AH 19.5}

“The family relationship should be sanctifying in its influence. Christian homes, established and conducted in accordance with God's plan, are a wonderful help in forming Christian character. . . . Parents and children should unite in offering loving service to Him who alone can keep human love pure and noble.” Ibid.

God Is Honored by a Christian Home according to her. “--Fathers and mothers who make God first in their households, who teach their children that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, glorify God before angels and before men by presenting to the world a well-ordered, well-disciplined family--a family that love and obey God instead of rebelling against Him. Christ is not a stranger in their homes; His name is a household name, revered and glorified. ”She affirms this further when she writes: “Angels delight in a home where God reigns supreme and the children are taught to reverence religion, the Bible, and their Creator. Such families can claim the promise, ‘Them that honor Me I will honor.’ As from such a home the father goes forth to his daily duties, it is with a spirit softened and subdued by converse with God”. (AH 27.3)

She assures us again that, “The presence of Christ alone can make men and women happy. All the common waters of life Christ can turn into the wine of heaven. The home then becomes as an Eden of bliss; the family, a beautiful symbol of the family in heaven.” (AH 28.1).

As we join together during this Christian family week of prayers, we wish to learn more how we may be ready to live and show others around us the Christian life and to attract them to Christ. We shall be preparing them to be ready for Him when He comes back soon. It is our hope that our life will be transformed to His likeness, the same way as were the New Testament apostles, who were very clear in instructing the Christian Church about what it takes to keep marriages and relationships alive, healthy and strong.

The Apostles’ writings suggest a range of positive attitudes and behaviors that are designed to maximize protective measures and minimize the negative (risk factors).The author of Hebrews suggests that we

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should “stay on good terms with each other, held together by love” and that we must “honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband” (Heb. 13: 1, 4 TM).

The apostle James encourages us to “live well, live wisely, and live humbly” James 3:13TM). It is not the way you talk that counts, he says, but the way you live your life. He goes on to say that the way we treat each other should not be affected by the ebb and flow of how we feel but by our acknowledgement of God’s wise ways. Real wisdom begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. (James 3:17, 18 TM).

The apostle Paul has much to say about maintaining love in our relationships. These behaviors, he believed, arise out of thankful hearts and lives filled with the grace of God. “Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other” (Col. 3:15 TM). Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it . . . be good friends who love deeply. . . don’t burn out; keep yourselves fuelled and aflame. . . laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other . . . don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone” (Rom. 12: 9-17 TM). Paul further instructs us to “look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out” (1Thess. 5:15 TM

He encourages us to allow the gifts of God’s Spirit—“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal. 5:22, 23 NIV) to energize our relationship as we pour ourselves “out for each other in acts of love” (Eph. 4:2 TM). Specific counsel for marriage comes from Paul also. He obviously sees respect as an important ingredient in building strong stable marriage. His counsel to couples follows immediately after he invites all to “out of respect for Christ be courteously reverent to one another” (Eph. 5:21 TM). Wives, he says, should “understand and support” their husbands (vs. 22) and husbands should “go all out in your love for your wives” (vs. 25).

A husband should be a source of love and take the lead in cherishing, not dominating his wife. His love for her is to be a “a love marked by giving, not getting only” (vs. 25), a love“ designed to bring the best out of her” (vs. 26). A husband’s love for his wife is like Christ’s for the church, “His words evoke her beauty” (vs. 26).

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2. Good communication a source of respect and sustainable Love in Christian Marriage

It is known that the major problem that spoils and continues to spoil families is poor communication. If people could refine their ways of communicating many foyers will live healthy and happy despite their low income and where they live. We would like to advice families to control ways of communicating in everything.

The apostle Peter adds to this advice by suggesting that “in the new life of God’s grace” couples treat each other as equals, each honoring and delighting in their partner and seeking to be agreeable, sympathetic, loving, compassionate and humble (1 Peter 3: 7,8 TM).

The Bible is consistent in admonishing Christians how to live in harmony and satisfaction in every angle of life. He who wants to have a home has to understand the first thing is to control his words. We know that this can only happen when the members of a family would like to live in harmony and to do something that would help them to fulfill this intention. Families have to take the decision of how to communicate efficiently because this will help them to develop a greater sense of intimacy in marriage, to learn to reconcile their conflicts or differences constructively and to strengthen the positive side of their marriage.

“Family Communication plays a significant part in building and nurturing a family. Good communication among husband and wife and between parents and children, as well as between siblings fosters a harmonious and loving family relationship. Improving family communication cultivates love, trust and respect and more importantly, it helps the family cope up with life's ups and downs and all its twists and turns (Posted on January 5, 2011 by Stevedt 1954).”

He continues to say: “Many books of the Bible teach that a good communication is a sure source of happiness and comfort. In so doing a Christian family is established. In the book of Proverbs 17:27, the word of God declares: “He who has knowledge spares his words and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.” Ibid

In James 1:19, the author offers, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” This I believe is the first principle of good communication. Many people found themselves in terrible situation because they didn’t take enough time to listen and to think about the message conveyed in the words. Please take time and chew before you say anything. If we are not careful, we as Christians often can even pretend to obey God without truly listening to his commands because we are used to poor communication in our families. A good practice begins home.

One day a young man was driving his car and he was about to be hit by a young lady that was driving fast and had lost control of her car, she shouted passing: “pig.” This young man responded immediately

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saying Pork. He was wondering how come this lady could insult him and she was the cause of the problem? But immediately this young man negotiated the corner of the road he found himself face to face with a pig standing in the middle of the road. The lady was warning him not insulting him. Many times we find ourselves responding back when in real sense we ought to just listen and pay attention or read between the lines from people trying to pass messages across to us.

The command to be quick to listen, calls for an eagerness to hear and obey God’s message. The appeal to be slow to speak, demands silence until we have understood and applied the message. It is a call for restrain lest we produce hasty, ill-timed reactions. The challenge to be slow to become angry warns against hostile, bitter feelings. We cannot hear God if we remain distracted with resentment, hatred, or vengeful attitudes. Our society encourages us to express our feelings, whether good or bad, peaceful or inflammatory, godly or ungodly. James 1:19, however, pictures the wise person as one who listens to God and others, deliberates a response carefully, and answers with cautious words (Lea 1999).”

There are some tips that are suggested to improve family communication. Again these tips can be of help when the family wants to improve their ways of living and having a happy Christian marriage. The first remedy for a good communication is listening. “Take a moment to stop what you’re doing and listen not just hear. Turn off the TV or radio, put away the book you’re reading, listen to what your child or your spouse has to say and try to understand the feelings they are conveying to you.”

The second remedy is, good understanding “you should carefully ponder the words you have to say. If you are angry, upset or need to convey emotions that may stimulate conflict or stir up negative emotions, be sure to use "I" phrases. Express your feelings by stating how you feel instead of using language that points the finger at someone else. This will help disarm the situation. Once you have expressed your feelings, give the person listening to you the chance to respond. Request that this person use "I" statements too; it will promote and maintain peaceful co-existence in your home.”

Third, take interest, it is hard to take interest especially when your spouse or your child is repeating what you already know and has been repeated many times, but remember what is important is not often the message, but that good time they want you to have with them. We should always take a genuine interest in what the others have to say. By giving your undivided attention to your loved one even for a short period of time is much better than spending longer times together while distracted and not fully present.

Fourth, exercise your intonation to be calm and sweet even when your emotions are high. “In the same way kind words; and sweet and thoughtful tones are always heartfelt and can uplift the soul. Correspondingly, pay attention not only with what you say, but how you say and express yourself to your family.”

Fifth, be Trustworthy and Maintain Confidence; there are people from whom promises are almost nothing; they keep promising but never fulfill what they have promised. Trust your family and inspire trust from your family. Promise your spouse or your child what you can get. One day, I promised to my son that if he will be the first in his class I would buy him a bicycle; he reported to me that he was third in his class, but because my promise was just to encourage him, and I didn’t expect that his grades

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would change drastically I wasn’t ready to reward him as I promised. He worked so hard that it was right to give him what I promised.

Sixth, always find and Make Quality Time for Your Family. Many may have good time with others but never with their family. A pastor was preaching one Sabbath and when he made a call the spouse and the children stood up and when asked why they acted that way they said it was good to be in church because it is where they enjoyed a sweet smile from the pastor I mean the father. They had never seen the pastor in such good mood at home like it was in the church. Yes we may be busy and tired when we come back home, but we should remember that the work one day will come to an end but the family will remain.

Seventh, being open to discuss issues and problems is another key to improving family communication. Issues must be discussed in a manner that is beneficial to the family. It is not advisable to use the discussion to blame each other; rather a healthy exchange of views and problem solving will help the family bond. Family communication indeed plays a very important role in nurturing your family. Allow your family to share their thoughts, feelings, ideas and emotions. Encourage each other to communicate freely with love, care, trust and respect.

According to Stanley, and Susan L Blumberg, there are four patterns that have been identified in marriages that are unhappy in communication like: escalation, negative interpretations, invalidation, withdrawal and avoidance.

Escalation is when one spouse says something that is not very nice; then the other spouse responds by saying something even worse about the other. Before long, these two are both screaming at each other, what started as a relatively harmless conversation turns the marriage into a serious distress. The difference between unhappy couples and happy couples is the way they handle the conflicts within their marriage. Happy couples know how to identify escalation before it takes place and simply remain quiet until the storm is passed.

Negative Interpretations is another pattern that destroys the stability of a marriage. One of them makes a statement or a gesture, and it is interpreted more negatively by the other spouse than it was meant to be. Happy couples tend to give each other the benefit of doubt, and when in doubt ask for clarification rather than thinking the worst.

Invalidation is another pattern that characterizes unhappy couples. This is when the husband or the wife puts down their spouse by, dismissing the other people’s wants, needs, and emotional wellbeing. One can invalidate one’s spouse simply by constantly talking over them; putting down anything they say; taking their feelings for granted; or the wife says after coming home late from work: “I am so tired!” And, without skipping a beat or acknowledging his wife’s feelings, the husband says: “I am also very tired.” While it is not wrong to be tired, it is a problem not to acknowledge your spouse’s feelings and begin talking about your own.

Withdrawal and Avoidance is the last of these four patterns identified by the University of Denver marriage researchers we mentioned before. This is when one of the spouses totally disengages from the

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relationship by avoiding the other one as often as possible, because it is simply too painful to deal with a disconnected spouse (Markman, et al., 2001, pp. 13-31). Turn toward each other instead of away from each other. Talk to each other instead of being busy with something that prevents you from enjoyment. Pay attention to your wife. Pay attention to your husband. Talk about silly things together. The fact that you are engaging each other in conversation will connect you and make your marriage stronger.

Allow your partner to influence you. Develop habits that got there because your spouse influenced you. It flatters your spouse; it connects you to each other. It is a part of the glue that keeps you together. Solve your solvable problems. Not every issue between you needs to be solved. If you have been married for 10 or 15 year you will never be young like when you first got married. Get over it. You have each other. The truth is; it is all small stuff compared to the love God has given you in each other.

When you talk about the solvable problems, “soften the start up.” Since women are more likely to want to solve the problems, avoid nagging and insulting your husband when you approach the issue. The first few seconds of a conversation will determine how the rest of it will go. Begin with sweetness. You will achieve much more with that kind of attitude. Overcome gridlock. We all have things we don’t really like about our spouse.

Welcome to the human race. You didn’t marry a perfect man or woman. Neither did your spouse. There are no perfect marriages because there are no perfect people. If you have a snoring husband or you wife does the same, try coping with it if there is nothing you can do about it. Avoid thinking that you will never survive it, because anyways you cope with the noise of a river if you live close to one. Those living by the highway become acquainted to the noise made by vehicles passing until they don’t notice the noise. It is a matter of accepting what you can’t change. Often there is gridlock in our relationships because someone doesn’t like the same food, or watching football.

Accept the differences and decide to live with the person you chose. You’ve heard the saying: “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” We know many individuals who married people who turned out to be lemons. Hey, make lemonade, and life will be much better than it has been for the past several years.

Choose a different attitude, a different response, a winning response, and the situation will become bearable. Of course, we are not talking about being abused by your spouse, or that you should get used to your spouse cheating on you. These are issues that should not exist in a marriage. If they are present one should get professional help to remove the offending habit. But don’t throw away your marriage because he doesn’t look like he did 20 yearsago.

Create shared meaning. Invariably people marry each other but live separate lives. They never engage in each other’s special free times; don’t worship together; don’t read the same books or enjoy the same cuisine. He loves the mountains; she loves the beach; and they do vacations separately. If you have the first six principles you will have a good marriage. To have a great marriage you will need to create a culture that’s just between the two of you. It’s the kind of stuff that binds you together; that has a rhythm only the two of you understand.

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Trust, security, and commitment are key elements in any relationship, but having them doesn’t mean you can treat your relationship as-solid-rock, and stop trying. “Relationships are fragile, and that’s why there is a 50 percent divorce rate, says Wilk. “Happy couples keep dating, telling each other they look great, and doing things together.”

The wise man, Solomon, and the writer of James, both have prescriptions for improving

and maintaining healthy relationships—whether in marriage; between parents and

children; adult siblings; church board members; or any other meaningful relationships

in our lives (Gottman 1999).

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3. The Style of life and the use of money in Christian Marriage

Over the course of her research, one of the biggest surprises for Orbuch was the role money played in marital strife. “Many divorced singles say that money was the number one source of conflict in the early years of marriage,” she tells Yahoo! Shine. She also found that, “6 out of 10 said they would not share living expenses in their next relationship.” She recommends that each partner evaluate their own approach to spending and saving money and discuss with their spouse early on. She says there is no one-size-fits-all-financial plan, but couples need to determine their own rules and adhere to them.

No wonder the Bible says that: “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evils. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows (1Timothy 6:10 New Living Translation 2007). It is true that we all need money in our life because there is nothing that you can get without using money. But the problem begins when money is everything in your life. Money should be seen as a precious instrument that we need to use. If we use it appropriately it will be all good, but used inappropriately it will harm us. This means that the problem is not money but how we use money.

Some principles to guide us how to use money:

Proverbs 6:6-11 offers wisdom concerning laziness and the financial ruin that inevitably results. We are advised to copy from an ant who works to store up food for itself. In so doing, the ant ensures that there is enough food in store for the rainy days. The first principle is to work hard in order to have enough money for food and other necessities of life. “Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:”

Principle two: do not be obsessed with gaining money. Such an individual, according to Ecclesiastes 5:10, never has enough wealth to satisfy him and must be constantly grasping for more and more. Possessed by this spirit of grasping more and more, many families are destroyed. A Father leaving his family and stays very far from his family for a longtime in order to gain more money is putting his family in a dangerous situation. The same applies to the wife. The broken families are the cry of everyday but many would not want to change this situation. The reality is that many families are suffering more from the problem of getting more money than the lack of money.

Principle three: the use of money. We are also encouraged to be good stewards of what God has given us.

FINANCE IN THE HOME

The Lord would have His people thoughtful and care taking. He would have them study economy, and waste nothing. Counsel for the Church p. 154

Families of these days are characterized by unwise expenditure of their wealth. It is unbelievable to see the amount of money spent in buying clothes, food and furniture. Some use a huge amount of money for their weddings even when their salaries cannot allow them. They end up burdening the community.

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Plans for the future are not well laid out. Many choose to begin their family life with heavy debts from Banks not considering what will happen in the future. The Bible has wisdom that would help us in making decision about how to plan. In Luke 14:28 Jesus talking about building a tower said this: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? New International Version (2011)”

In 2 Kings 4 we are told of an interesting story of a widow troubled by the debts of her husband after his death. This debtor wanted to get back his money no matter what it would take. It was so intense that he would not spare the ladie’s sons so he took them to be a solution to the problem. This woman believed that her husband was a man of God. Look what she said in verse 2, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know he revered the Lord.” Why did he have this debt? We do not know and it is not very important in this story. However he was heavily indebted. How many of us have debts? Many I presume. Why? I do not know.

We are living in the world with debts. We have all around us banks which are giving loans and many people now are slaves of these banks. The problem is not getting a loan, but the question is for what reasons are you getting that loan and how are you prepared to pay it. Many families are suffering because all they gain is wasted in unnecessary things which bring pressure to the family at the end of the day. Every occasion is source of debts: weddings, burials, births, graduations, phones etc.

“Many, very many, have not educated themselves that they can keep their expenditures within the limit of their income. They do not learn to adapt themselves to circumstances, and they borrow and borrow again and again and become overwhelmed with debts, and consequently they become discouraged and disheartened. {AH 374.2} “You must see that one should not manage his affairs in a way that will incur debt. When one becomes involved in debt, he is in one of Satan’s nets, which he sets for souls. Be determined never to incur another debt. Deny yourself a thousand things rather than run in debt. Avoid debt as you would the smallpox.” Counsels for the Church p.155.

If you have extravagant habits, cut them away from your life at once. Unless you do this, you will be bankrupt for eternity. Habits of economy, industry, and sobriety are a better portion for your children than a rich dowry. {AH 375.1}

We are pilgrims and strangers on the earth. Let us not spend our means in gratifying desires that God would have us repress. Let us fitly represent our faith by restricting our wants. {AH 375.2}

The other very important thing we have to learn in the matter of the use of money in our family is the habit of saving. We can’t manage money well if we do talk about spending or budgeting but never discussing the importance of saving for challenging times. The best prevention in the good use of money is that before spending money first seek counsel from your spouse. Remember, husband or wife should never discuss their finances with their parents. If as a couple you decide you need to receive further counsel from parents or family, go to them together as a family.

Managing the accounts together would be another good solution. Somebody has said that when a couple is managing a joint checking account, they are forced to communicate about money and how it

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should be managed. It often stimulates the need to have a household budget so that one couple isn’t over spending in a particular area.

Because of the importance of money in the families, it is our responsibility as parents to teach our children about money. Because we know that whenever there will be any friction in the marriage about money, this friction will impact the children. Communicate to the children God’s principle about money when they are able to understand it, prepare them for their future families. The Bible is clear about this. “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Ellen G White added this: “Let parents seek to mold and fashion the intellect and affections of their children in accordance with the word of God. Let them train them in such a way that their children shall be fashioned after the similitude of Jesus Christ.”

A Christian home should be a leading home in how they use their wealth by providing a good example to those who come across them.

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4. The role of the Father in Christian Marriage.

According to Dr. Tony Evans, there are five duties of a husband to his wife. I will just take two. The first duty of a man to his woman, or a husband to his wife, is to love (Greek word agape) her. The word love is leading to confusion because love has become a misunderstood word. We hear people saying that “I love my job. I love my country and I love to eat sweet potatoes. All these are kinds of love which is different to what has God commanded men to have toward their wives.

Evans added this: You see, when the scripture talks about love, it talks about the sacrifice that you make for the betterment of someone else. You can only measure love by your sacrifice, not by your enjoyment. If you talk about loving your wife, and by that you meant that she does a lot of good things for you, that's not love. That's her loving you. To say that a man loves his wife is to talk about the sacrifice that you make for her (Ephesians 5: 25). The Bible does say “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her! This means that love is to give rather than to get. Man is required to give without asking anything in return. According to the Apostle Paul to Colossians, Paul said that love is something sweet not bitter. “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Whenever a man is bitter with his wife he is not against her alone but he is offending God who has given that command also.

I agree with Evans that when “men, talk about love is to talk about a cross. To talk about love is to talk about Calvary. To talk about love is to talk about a Saviour. We have a Saviour in Christ, and our wives ought to have a Saviour in us. We have a deliverer in Christ, and our mates ought to have a deliverer in us. When you talk about loving your wife you talk about carrying a cross.” The marital relationship is compared to the relationship existing between Christ and His church. The man is what Jesus is to His church, when man takes Jesus as his model that is really what we mean by Christian marriage.

The second duty I would like to emphasis is to dwell with her, 1 Peter 3:7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, with the wife as with a weaker vessel, rendering them honor, as also being joint-heirs of the grace of life; so as your prayers not to be cut off."

Many husbands have left their home for money and betterment of their family. But what God commanded a man is to dwell with their wife. According to Evans, “this doesn't mean to just live in the same house. The Greek word for “dwell” means "to dwell in close harmony with, closely aligned, to be in proximity with." It means an intimate dwelling. Many men have this idea, “I go out, I'm the provider; you're the wife, you stay home. You do your job, I'll do my job.” That's where the problem is. The home is your job! The role of the wife is to help the husband, but she is not to replace your role in the home as a husband. You are to work hand in hand with your wife to create a spirit of harmony within. To do that you must be there”.

Your wife didn't marry a paycheck, she married you. She didn't marry a car, she married you. She didn't marry a bank statement, she married you. Whenever the material things that you do for her replace your presence, then you are not living with her anymore.

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You can't just come home and turn on the TV, you have to come home and work with her, talk with her! Sometimes it means appreciating her beauty. Or that you tell her nice things like, you couldn't get your mind off her all day. Sometimes it means drying the dishes while she washes them. Sometimes it means making one side of the bed while she makes the other. Why? Because she is not your slave. No! That was not God’s intention; she was given to you to be your help mate.

As Christians we wonder why men are irresponsible today. For many families, the role of a father is declining and the mother is taking over because of his absence. The Bible recommends strongly the role of the husband as chief of his family. Nobody else will occupy your place, you ought to be there. Your children have to learn how to see God as a father through you. Though trials may arise in the married life, the husband and the wife are to keep their souls in the love of God. The father should look upon the mother of his children as one deserving of all kindness, tenderness, and sympathy. {AH 178.5}

The Secret of Family Unity. Ellen G. White has strong statements that we would like to reproduce for a better understanding and deep influence in our lives. She insists and confirms that the cause of division and discord in families and in the church is separation from Christ. Yes, come near to Christ is to come near to one another. “The secret of true unity in the church and in the family is not diplomacy, not management, not a superhuman effort to overcome difficulties--though there will be much of this to do--but union with Christ.” {AH 179.1}

If every husband and father studies “to understand the words of Christ, not in a one-sided manner, merely dwelling upon the subjection of the wife to her husband, but in the light of the cross of Calvary, study as to his own position in the family circle.” "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word." Jesus gave Himself up to die upon the cross in order that He might cleanse and keep us from all sin and pollution by the influence of the Holy Spirit. {AH 117.3}

Sometimes when we are not surrounded by a pure, holy atmosphere, we show a tyrannical spirit in the home. “The man who does this is working in partnership with satanic agencies. Bring your will into submission to the will of God. Do all in your power to make the life of your wife pleasant and happy. Take the word of God as the man of your counsel. In the home live out the teachings of the word. Then you will live them out in the church and will take them with you to your place of business. The principles of heaven will ennoble all your transactions. Angels of God will cooperate with you, helping you to reveal Christ to the world.” {AH 213.3}

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5. The Wife's Duty in Christian family

Tony Evans was right when he said that God has called the husband and the wife to serve each other. “Wedlock is an office ordained by God, a Holy union, wherein the husband serves the wife and the wife the husband. The worst thing a man can do is marry the wrong woman.” Solomon confirmed this in Proverbs 27:15, "On a stormy day drops of rain drive a man out of his house; so also does a railing woman drive a man out of his house." Indeed there is nothing that can be more miserable than having to spend every day of your life with an evil woman; the same apply to an evil man.

God created intentionally a woman and man to live together in harmony and each one to be complementary to his mate. Those who are married and they did not know it, it is time to understand the principle and those who are not yet married strive to fulfill it. The first duty that a good wife has to fulfill is help her man. Genesis 2:18, “And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone; let us make for him a help suitable to him.”

We are living in an era of emancipation and women liberation brought by struggle for power. Though the Bible defines good relationship established by God Himself, where the wife is a helper and the husband the head of the family; these two things sound strange to the modern community. Nevertheless it is how God wanted it. If everyone in the family fulfills his responsibility according to God’s plan, there is no need to fight for everyone’s rights. The father will act as Jesus toward his church and the wife and children will be submissive to the father as the Christians are submissive to their chief Jesus Christ.

“Evans confirms that: “ one of the causes why so many men are miserable and why so many marriages fail is because the woman is not out to help him, she's using the marriage to help herself. She has a different view of the relationship. Instead of being his partner and coming alongside to increase their relationship with God, she becomes a part of the opposition, not cooperating with God's agenda for the family, but using it as a launching pad for her own purposes. And when a woman loses site that God's first expectation of her in relationship to her husband is to be his helper, then a negative atmosphere is created in the household that is difficult to overcome.”

Second, even though the husband is not doing what he ought to do, remember that the solution is to help him where he is weak so that the family may remain strong. Two are made in order to strengthen each other. This means to complement where weakness is felt. The wife is not perfect, the husband is not. Everyone’s responsibility is to bridge the gaps. It is good to always remember that there are invisible visitors. Jesus guaranteed to be with us always; but we have to accept Him as the master of our family if we want success in our marriage.

What women should know is that men cannot be women, and the women cannot be men. God has created them that way. Each one has to fulfill his role of being what God intended them to be. Playing each one’s role does not lower anybody. “Now, the assumption, ladies, is that if God expects you to help your man, the understanding is your man needs help!” Evans

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It is the cry of many women that men misuse the power and leadership that God has given them. They mess it up and they rule with an iron rode to crush those who are under them. What would be the response of the spouse under these circumstances? Again to pray and help are the only solutions that can bear fruits. Men need help and you are the one to help. Where you are not capable the husband should help also. We have to complement each other. “You cannot complain that he is not what he ought to be if you're not fulfilling your role as the helper! God made you the helper because man desperately needs help. He desperately needs someone to come alongside who will be different from him, in order to complete him, thereby fulfilling the Divine plan of God.

Proverbs 31:10, "Who shall find a virtuous woman? For such a one is more valuable than precious stones." Women should see themselves as what God wanted them to be. Seen with real value, she will assume her responsibility without complaint. Evans puts it this way:

“Many ladies have a low view of themselves which makes them a weak wife. When you look at yourself as a priceless diamond, as you are in God's eyes, then you'll act accordingly. If you only look at yourself as substitute jewelry, you're going to live as one. It could be made to look like the real thing, but it's not. Proverbs 31 is talking about the real woman. Not a woman that's so made up with makeup, jewels etc until you don't know what the real thing looks like, but an authentic woman. And scripture says when a man finds this kind of woman, a true and authentic wife; he's got a piece of jewelry that's very valuable. And what's the hallmark of this woman? “For she employs all her living for her husband’s good.” Proverbs 31:12,

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Now if your husband was asked what good are you to him, would he have an answer? Help him In and Out of the House. The Bible says: “One of the first ways she helps him is around the house. “Gathering wool and flax, she makes it serviceable with her hands. She is like a ship trading from a distance: so she procures her livelihood.” Proverbs 31:13-16, “She views a farm and buys it: and with the fruits of her hands she plants a possession.”

“This is not like modern women who are building their own career having their own money with their own bank account and they write their own cheques. They use their money to buy very expensive clothes, jewelry and many other things that show that they have power and they don’t need any other person to control them or to help them in whatever way. That's not the godly woman. Because a godly woman, while she uses those skills, always brings it back home for the embellishment of the home and the enhancement of her husband. There is no monetary competition. ” Evans.

Challenge of differences. We have to overcome the challenges of differences by love and the understanding of God the originator of marriage. Noted family therapist Dr. Carl Whitaker (1988) has said: A healthy marriage really is a blending of two foreign cultures” (p. 202). Ultimately, the way we deal with our differences determines the quality of our marriages, our families. The quality of our church family relationships is also dependent upon the way we handle our differences as believers.

And if you love your career so much that your husband is never benefiting from the career that you love, then you're not a Godly wife. You bought the lie that you're your own woman, you do your own thing, and that man is your inconvenience. But because many women have established their own bank

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accounts, and spend their own money for their own agenda and the good of the husband is nowhere to be found, then the blessings of God will not rest on your life or be in your household. Your Godly home will become a Godless home.

When you begin to live your married life with no thought of the betterment of your husband, you have joined the adversary in dissolving your marriage. God did not give you a husband for you to continue being an independent single woman. He gave you a husband so that you could partner with him, helping him by using your gifts, your skills, and your abilities that He has blessed you with, for the betterment of the whole household. Whenever your career demands of you that which negates your duty as wife and mother, you're in the wrong career, and it is not a calling from God.

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6. Parenting

What is parenting?

Parenting according Wikipedia encyclopedia “is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the activity of raising a child rather than the biological relationship.” It involves rearing the experiences, skills, qualities, and responsibilities.

According to the same source, In the case of humans, it is usually done by the biological parents of the child in question, although governments and society take a role as well. In many cases, orphaned or abandoned children receive parental care from non-parent blood relations. Others may be adopted, raised by foster parents, or be placed in an orphanage.

From what is stated above one of the most difficult parts of parenting role will be dealing with issues surrounding the responsibility of being a parent in terms of educating, disciplining and the passing on of positive values. The second one is to be able to create an environment conducive to the well-being of a child. “This world in which image seems to be everything puts enormous pressure on our children- pressure to succeed, pressure to get an education, pressure to behave, pressure to look thin or athletic, pressure to wear the right fashion labels. The chances of perceived failure are high these days with such image-based criteria. The likelihood of not measuring up is greater than ever.” (Victor Marley, in his book: parenting for Growth.)

For us as a Christian church, how then do we create realistic, effective boundaries for our children? How can we ensure that they grow up to value honesty, responsibility, integrity and maturity? The role of a parent is very complicated but indispensable. No one can avoid assuming it. The image of the society we have today is a tangible. We should be assured not to carry on the same mistakes of the past pretending to be correcting them. For example the society today is forced to consider women in whatever they do. The women are kind of favored and they many times rise through the ranks because of their gender. If the community would be responsible and honesty with them, they will develop an understanding that they are where they are because they deserve it and not because it is a favor to females. This will tell them then that you have to work hard, because it is how it works in this world if you want to be successfully.

Spiritual Parenting

“It is awesome to think God put such incredible creative power within a husband and a wife, that from their love, a new life is brought into this world. And what an awesome privilege and responsibility to parent your children with such Christ like love, that they will grow to adore and worship their Heavenly Father! Spiritual parenting is Bible-based parenting.”

Is it not wonderful to know that God is the first to fill this job of parenting? To those whom He loves, He corrects (Revelation 3: 19). But also He is ready to dialogue with His children so He may bring them to a good understanding. “And now you say to me, ‘You are my father, and you have loved me ever since I

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was a child. You won’t always be angry; you won’t be mad at me forever.’ Israel, that is what you said, but you did all the evil you could” (Jeremiah 3:4), TEV. Verse 22, God gives good solution to His children: “Return, all of you who have turned away from the Lord; he will heal you and make you faithful.” And, God gives good counsel to the parents through the writings of the apostle Paul in this way: “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction” (Ephesians 6:4), TEV.

Parenting is one of the most important and challenging tasks God has given humanity. In the book Child Guidance, Ellen White tells us, “No higher work was ever committed to mortals than shaping of character” (p. 163). It is Christian character which equips our children with the spiritual and emotional underpinnings necessary to be successful in their relationships. Parents play an active and important role in facilitating the character development of their children and socializing them to relate positively to family and friends.

Creating a Pure Atmosphere

So parenting is first, to create a pure atmosphere in which children will grow exposed to a good Christian environment. Ellen G. White said in her book Adventist Home what follows: “Every Christian home should have rules; and parents should, in their words and deportment toward each other, give to the children a precious, living example of what they desire them to be. Purity in speech and true Christian courtesy should be constantly practiced. Teach the children and youth to respect themselves, to be true to God, true to principle; teach them to respect and obey the law of God. These principles will control their lives and will be carried out in their associations with others. They will create a pure atmosphere--one that will have an influence that will encourage weak souls in the upward path that leads to holiness and heaven. Let every lesson be of an elevating and ennobling character, and the records made in the books of heaven will be such as you will not be ashamed to meet in the judgment.” (Adventist Home 16.3). Apostle Paul in his letter to Thessalonians said this: “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.” (1 Thessalonians 2: 11-12).

Parenting is a tension between freedom and discipline

Parenting is a tough role of raising children of character who make good decisions in difficult situations, resisting negative peer pressure, and having a positive influence on the people around them. In all the values we’ve talked about in parenting, the most challenging is to bring our children to be disciplined. You may prefer any other value as parenting basic, but, I have chosen this to begin with. Because I believe that discipline matters everywhere; from home, to school and later on any job well done will depend on disciple. For me it is important to dealing with it from home, so people may be equipped for life.

So it is appropriate to teach your child responsibility through discipline. Every parent may wish his kids were organized on task, but they seem to always have some sort of excuses. If you get frustrated with your kids, you’re not alone. Here we suggest some common tasks which we may exercise at home to bring about elements of discipline.

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How can you bring your kids to clean their rooms without constantly nagging them? Other issues parents were concerned with included picking up dirty clothes, putting dirty dishes in the sink, and sweeping the dirty floor or any other job you want them to do. Adolescents learn valuable lessons such as responsibility, autonomy, and decision-making skills from completing chores around the house. Even though it can cause some tension, getting your kids to help out around the house is beneficial in many ways. In addition to teaching them crucial life skills, it will free up some of your time so you can spend more time with them.

Dealing with excuses

Every parent knows what it’s like to deal with kids’ excuses. Most of them, will find out excuses so they may not do what is required of them on daily tasks. The following was suggested by a study on disciplining children.

“Every parent has dealt with her or his child’s excuses. And you keep thinking that if she would just do her chores instead of making excuses and arguing, she’d have them done already! Use the following tips to help get kids into action.

• Figure out consequences for when your child refuses to take responsibility. For example, if your child won’t do the dishes, restrict his access to video games, the computer, or TV (you may have other kinds of games; soccer game, jumping a rope, running in the open fields and so on) until he’s finished his/her chores.

• Create routines in which responsibility comes first and fun times come after. That way if your child dawdles through her/his responsibilities, her/his fun time will be cut short. Young children come up with fantastic excuses when they don’t want to stop playing. Go along with their fantasies and try to work them into the responsibility. Teach kids the difference between real excuses and lazy excuses. Real excuses mean that something has come up that makes it difficult to follow through with a responsibility, such as getting sick. A real excuse means that you will still need to take responsibility, but you will get more time to complete it. A lazy excuse is one that your child makes up or is using only because he or she does not want to do chores.

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7. The choice of a Companion for life

Marriage is something that is very important that could not be taken lightly. It is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge that God approves his course. Ellen G. White suggests that we should not want to choose to please ourselves, but will feel that God must choose for us. “We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself. I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to marry one whom he does not love. This would be sin. But fancy and the emotional nature must not be allowed to lead on to ruin. God requires the whole heart, the supreme affections. {CCh 112.1}”

Love is essential to marriage, but it should be balanced by clear understanding of what is taking place in the real life. Many young people engage in marriage without looking at the consequences of their decisions. Again Ellen G. White gives good direction in choosing our mate. “Those who are contemplating marriage should consider what will be the character and influence of the home they are founding. As they become parents, a sacred trust is committed to them. Upon them depends in a great measure the well-being of their children in this world, and their happiness in the world to come. To a great extent they determine both the physical and the moral stamp that the little ones receive. And upon the character of the home depends the condition of society; the weight of each family’s influence will tell in the upward or the downward scale.”

Her advice is that a “great care should be taken by Christian youth in the formation of friendships and in the choice of companions. Take heed, lest what you now think to be pure gold turns out to be base metal. Worldly associations tend to place obstructions in the way of your service to God, and many souls are ruined by unhappy unions, either business or matrimonial, with those who can never elevate or ennoble. {CCh 112.3}”

It has been noted that some young people sometimes have criteria that cannot last long. Some look at the wealth, others to the fame and they forget that all these facts you can gain them but for a short period if they are not based on a special character. “Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly. Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this? If these reflections present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward.” Ibid.

The choice of a life companion should be such as best to secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their children-such will enable both parents and children to bless their fellow men and to honor their Creator.

Qualities to be sought in a prospective Wife.

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a. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.

b. According to the Bible: “A prudent wife is from the Lord.” The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and praiseth her, saying, Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. He who gains such a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.”

Here are things which should be considered:

1. Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home?

2. Is (she) an economist, or will she, if married, not only use all her earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, or love of appearance? Are her principles correct in this direction?

3. Has she anything now to depend upon?...I know that to the mind of a man infatuated with love and thoughts of marriage these questions will be brushed away as though they were of no consequences. But these things should be duly considered, for they have a bearing upon your future life.

4. In your choice of a wife study her character. Will she be one who will be patient and painstaking? Or will she cease to care for your mother and father at the very time when they need a strong son to carry out her plans and to suit her own pleasure, and leave the father and mother who, instead of gaining an affectionate daughter, will lose a son?

Qualities to Be Sought in a Prospective Husband

Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy.

1. What has been his past record?

2. Is his life pure?

3. Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is a mere emotional fondness?

4. Has he the traits of character that will make her happy?

5. Can she find true peace and joy in his affection?

6. Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgment and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband?

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7. Can she honor the Savior’s claims as supreme?

8. Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy?

These questions have a vital bearing upon the well-being of every woman who enters the marriage relation.

Let the woman who desires a peaceful, happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow, inquire before she yields her affections,

1. Has my lover a mother?

2. What is the stamp of her character?

3. Does he recognize his obligations to her?

4. Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness?

5. If he does not respect and honor his mother, will he manifest respect and love, kindness and attention, toward his wife?

6. When the novelty of marriage is over, will he love me still?

7. Will he be patient with my mistakes, or will he be critical, overbearing, and dictator?

8. True affection will overlook many mistakes; love will not discern them.

9. Let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, and one who loves and fears God.

10. Shun those who are irreverent.

11. Shun one who is a lover of idleness

12. Shun the one who is scoffer of hallowed things.

13. Avoid the society of one who uses profane language,

14. Or is addicted to the use of even one glass of liquor.

15. Listen not to the proposals of a man who has no realization of his responsibility to God

The pure truth which sanctifies the soul will give you courage to cut yourself loose from the most pleasing acquaintance that you know does not love and fear God, and knows nothing of the principles of true righteousness. We may always bear with a friend’s infirmities and with his ignorant, but never with his vices.

Love Is a Precious Gift from Jesus

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Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind.

There is but little rare, genuine, devoted, pure love. This precious article is very rare. Passion is termed love.

True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character from that love which is a awakened by impulse, and which suddenly dies when severely hurt or shaken.

Love is a plant of heavenly growth, and it must be fostered and nourished. Affectionate hearts, truthful, loving words, will make happy families and exert an elevating influence upon all who come within the sphere of their influence.

While pure love take God into all its plans, and will be in perfect harmony with the Spirit of God, passion will be headstrong, rush, unreasonable, defiant of all restraint, and will the object of its choice an idol. In all the deportment of one who possesses true love, the grace of God will be shown. Modesty, simplicity, sincerity, morality, and religion will characterize every step toward an alliance in marriage. Those who are thus controlled will not be absorbed in each other’s society, at a loss of interest in the prayer meeting and the religious service. Their fervor for the truth will not die on account of the neglect of the opportunities and privileges that God has graciously given to them.

That love which has no better foundation than mere sensual gratification will be headstrong, blind, and uncontrollable. Honor, truth, and every noble, elevated power of the mind are brought under the slavery of passions. The man who is bound in the chains of this infatuation is too often deaf to the voice of reason and conscience; neither argument nor entreaty can lead him to see the folly of his course.

True love is not a strong, fiery, impetuous passion. O the contrary, it is calm and deep in its nature. It looks beyond mere externals, and is attracted by qualities alone. It is wise and discriminating, and its devotion is real and abiding.

Love, lifted out of the realm of passion and impulse, becomes spiritualized, and is revealed in words and acts. A Christian must have a sanctified tenderness and love in which there is no impatience or fretfulness; the rude, harsh manners must be softened by the grace of Christ.

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8. Prayer and Bible Study Necessary to Make the Right Decision

Instituted by God, marriage is a sacred ordinance and should never be entered upon in a spirit of selfishness. Those who contemplate this step should solemnly and prayerfully consider its importance and seek divine counsel that they may know whether they are pursuing a course in harmony with the will of God. The instruction given in God’s Word on this point should be carefully considered. Heaven looks with pleasure upon a marriage formed with an earnest desire to conform to the directions given in the Scripture.

If here is any subject that should be considered with calm reason and unimpassioned judgment, it is the subject of marriage. If ever the Bible is needed as a counselor, it is before taking a step that binds persons together for life. But the prevailing sentiment is that in this matter the feeling s are to be the guided, and in too many cases lovesick sentimentalism takes the helm and guides to ruin. It is here that the youth show less intelligence than on any other subject; it is here that they refuse to be reasoned with. The question of marriage seems to have a bewitching power over them. They do not present themselves to God. Their senses are enchained and they move forward in secretiveness, as if fearful that their plans would be interfered with by someone.

Many are sailing in a dangerous harbor. They need a pilot; but they scorn to accept the much-needed help, feeling that they are competent to guide their own back, and not realizing that it is about to strike a hidden rock that may cause them to make shipwreck of faith and happiness… unless they are diligent students of the Word (the Bible), they will make grave mistakes which will mar their happiness and that of others, both for present and the future life.

If men and women are in habit of praying twice a day before they contemplated marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated. Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and in the world to come…

“A Happy or Unhappy Marriage?--If those who are contemplating marriage would not have miserable, unhappy reflections after marriage, they must make it a subject of serious, earnest reflection now. This step taken unwisely is one of the most effective means of ruining the usefulness of young men and women. Life becomes a burden, a curse. No one can so effectually ruin a woman's happiness and usefulness, and make life a heart sickening burden, as her own husband; and no one can do one hundredth part as much to chill the hopes and aspirations of a man, to paralyze his energies and ruin his influence and prospects, as his own wife. It is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hopes of the future life.” {AH 43.1}

The majority of the marriages of our time and the way in which they are conducted make them one of the signs of the last days. Men and women are so persistent, so headstrong, that God is left out of the question. Religion is laid aside, as if it had no part to act in this solemn and important matter.

Avoid Marriage of Christians with Unbelievers.—Ellen G. White warns young people not to marry unbelievers. And are unbelievers those whom we do not share the faith and church principles. A single diversion in believes may destroy the beauty of your marriage forever. She said: “There is in the

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Christian world an astonishing, alarming indifference to the teaching of God's word in regard to the marriage of Christians with unbelievers. Many who profess to love and fear God choose to follow the bent of their own minds rather than take counsel of Infinite Wisdom. In a matter which vitally concerns the happiness and well-being of both parties for this world and the next, reason, judgment, and the fear of God are set aside; and blind impulse, stubborn determination are allowed to control. {AH 61.1}

No wonder many young marriages are destroyed and even are against the church. Many unconverted young people play the game of being baptized just to fetch Christian young ladies from our churches for becoming later what they were all the time. “It is a dangerous thing to form a worldly alliance. Satan well knows that the hour that witnesses the marriage of many young men and women closes the history of their religious experience and usefulness. They are lost to Christ. They may for a time make an effort to live a Christian life, but all their strivings are made against a steady influence in the opposite direction. Once it was a privilege and joy to them to speak of their faith and hope; but they become unwilling to mention the subject, knowing that the one with whom they have linked their destiny takes no interest in it. As the result, faith in the precious truth dies out of the heart, and Satan insidiously weaves about them a web of skepticism. {AH 66.2} “

The Counsel of God-fearing Parents

With so much misery from marriage, why wouldn’t the youth be wise? Why will they continue to feel that they do not need the counsel of older and more experienced people? In business, men and women manifest great caution. Before engaging in any important enterprise, they prepare themselves for their work. Time, money, and much careful study are devoted to the subject, lest they shall make a mistake in their undertaking.

How much greater caution should be exercised in entering the marriage relation-a relation which affects future generations and the future life! Instead of this, it is often entered upon with jest and levity, impulse and passion, blindness and lack of calm consideration. The only explanation of this is that Satan loves to see misery and ruin in the world, and he weaves his net to entangle souls. He rejoices to have these inconsiderate persons lose their enjoyment of this world and their home in the world to come.

Shall children consult only their desires and inclinations irrespective of the advice and judgment of their parents? Some seem never to bestow a thought upon their parents’ wishes or preferences, nor to regard their matured judgment. Selfishness has closed the door of their hearts to filial affection. The minds of the young need to be aroused in regard to this matter. The fifth commandment is the only commandment with a promise, but it is held lightly and is even positively ignored by the lover’s claim. Slighting a mother’s love, dishonoring a father’s care are sins that stand registered against many a youth.

One of the greatest errors connected with this subject is that the young and inexperienced must not have their affections disturbed, that there must be no interference in their love experience. If there ever was a subject that needed to be viewed from every standpoint, it is this. The aid of the experience of others and a calm, careful weighing of the matter on both sides are positively essential. It is a subject

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that is treated altogether too lightly by the great majority of people. Take God and your God-fearing parents into your counsel, young friends. Pray over the matter.

Should parents, you ask, select a companion without regard to the mind or feeling of son or daughter? I put the question to you as it should be: should a son or daughter select a companion without first consulting the parents, when such a step will materially affect the happiness of parents if they have any affection for their children? And should that, notwithstanding the counsel and entreaties of his parents, persist in following his own course? I answer decidedly: No; not if he never marries. The fifth commandment forbids such a course. “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Here is a commandment with a promise which the Lord will surely fulfill to those who obey. Wise parents will never select companions for their children without respect to their wishes. But they have to insist to what is good even though their children may not be willing to abide to their good counseling. They are required to fulfill their responsibility as parents.

Fathers and mothers should feel that a duty devolved upon them to guide the affections of the youth that they may be placed upon those who will be suitable companions. They should feel it like a duty, by their own teaching and example, with the assisting grace of God, to so mold the character of their children from their earliest years that they will be pure and noble and will be attracted to the good and true. Like attracts like; like appreciates like. Let the love for truth and purity and goodness be early implanted in the soul, and the youth will seek the society of those who possess these characteristics.

Christianity is to be a Controlling Influence. -- Christianity ought to have a controlling influence upon the marriage relation, but it is too often the case that the motives which lead to this union are not in keeping with Christian principles. Satan is constantly seeking to strengthen his power over the people of God by inducing them to enter into alliance with his subjects, and in order to accomplish this he endeavors to arouse unsanctified passions in the heart. But the Lord has in His word plainly instructed His people not to unite themselves with those who have not His love abiding in them. {AH 94.5}

Conclusion

This week is a reminder to the church that a Christian marriage is not a happy accident, but a well-planned matter in which everyone is involved. In order to have a Christian Marriage, parents and church leadership should cooperate to prepare young people before they engage themselves in choosing their mates, unprepared they may fall in the snares of the evil one. Even after the good choices, young and people still need the wisdom of the church. A special care has to be maintained in order to grow under the power and leadership of the Holy Spirit by teaching them the Bible and the Writings of Ellen G. White about marriage and better life. May God Almighty bless His Church.

This week of prayer is prepared by Pr. Rudatinya M. Mwangachuchu

Ministerial Secretary and Family Ministries Director of the East-Central Africa Division

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