Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself downAnd meet the best innkeeper in townAs for the rest, all of 'em crooks:Rooking their guests and crooking the booksSeldom do you see honest men like meA gent of good intent who's content to be

Master of the house, keeper of the zooReady to relieve 'em of a sou or twoWatering the wine, making up the weightPickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straightEverybody loves a landlordEverybody's bosom friendI do whatever pleases. Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eyeNever wants a passerby to pass him byServant to the poor, butler to the greatComforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!Everybody's boon companionEverybody's chaperone

But lock up your valisesJesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!Hahahahaha Here’s one

Enter Monsieur, lay down your loadUnlace your boots, rest from the roadThis weighs a ton, travel's a curseBut here we strive to lighten your purseHere the goose is cooked. Here the fat is friedAnd nothing's overlooked. Till I'm satisfied

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the miceTwo percent for looking in the mirror twiceHere a little slice, there a little cut

Three percent for sleeping with the window shutWhen it comes to fixing pricesThere are a lot of tricks he knowsHow it all increases, all them bits and piecesJesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eyeNever wants a passerby to pass him byServant to the poor, butler to the greatComforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!Everybody's boon companionGives 'em everything he's gotDirty bunch of geezersJesus! What a sorry little lot!

I used to dream that I would meet a princeBut God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit!`Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit!Cunning little brain, regular VoltaireThinks he's quite a lover but there's not much thereWhat a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louseGod knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house!

Master of the house!Master and a half!Comforter, philosopherAh, don't make me laugh!Servant to the poor, butler to the greatHypocrite and toady and inebriate!

Everybody bless the landlord!Everybody bless his spouse!Everybody raise a glassEverybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!