Marriage PreparationMarriage Preparation

FOCCUS and Parish Based FOCCUS and Parish Based ProgramsPrograms

Joann C. Heaney-Hunter, Ph.D.Joann C. Heaney-Hunter, Ph.D.Associate Professor: Theology & Religious StudiesAssociate Professor: Theology & Religious Studies

St.John’s University, New YorkSt.John’s University, New York

Importance of High Quality Importance of High Quality Marriage PreparationMarriage Preparation

Need for high quality preparation greater Need for high quality preparation greater than everthan ever

WHY?WHY?– High Divorce RateHigh Divorce Rate

Poor couple role modelsPoor couple role models

– Less family supportLess family supportMore mobility of couples and greater distance More mobility of couples and greater distance between family of origin and couple between family of origin and couple

– Weaker connection with church communitiesWeaker connection with church communities

Marriage Preparation – Multi-Stage Marriage Preparation – Multi-Stage ApproachApproach

Contextualize – Contextualize – Familiaris ConsortioFamiliaris Consortio says says there are three stages of marriage there are three stages of marriage preparationpreparation

Remote (during childhood)Remote (during childhood)

Proximate (during adolescence when relationships Proximate (during adolescence when relationships start)start)

immediate (just prior to marriage)immediate (just prior to marriage)

Immediate Preparation Immediate Preparation

Begins when couple makes plans for Begins when couple makes plans for engagementengagement

Optimal time – one year before marriageOptimal time – one year before marriage

Parishes begin connecting with couples Parishes begin connecting with couples when they announce engagementwhen they announce engagement– Important question – How much time do you Important question – How much time do you

have between engagement and marriage? have between engagement and marriage?

FOCCUS – First Stage of FOCCUS – First Stage of Immediate PreparationImmediate Preparation

Clearly – FOCCUS not only productClearly – FOCCUS not only product– Other inventories as wellOther inventories as well– Why FOCCUS?Why FOCCUS?

Primary reason is that it is designed for Catholics, Primary reason is that it is designed for Catholics, by Catholicsby Catholics

Since 1984 – expanded to include other groups Since 1984 – expanded to include other groups – General editionGeneral edition– Abridged edition (people with lower reading abilities)Abridged edition (people with lower reading abilities)– Multiple languages Multiple languages

FOCCUS -- StructureFOCCUS -- Structure

156 item inventory – 19 separate scales156 item inventory – 19 separate scales

33 additional items for cohabiting, 33 additional items for cohabiting, remarrying and interfaith couplesremarrying and interfaith couples

Designed as a self-diagnostic inventory Designed as a self-diagnostic inventory (does not require mental health training to (does not require mental health training to administer or score)administer or score)

FOCCUS ContentFOCCUS Content

Five Major Content areasFive Major Content areas– MatchMatch

Lifestyle expectationsLifestyle expectations

Friends and InterestsFriends and Interests

Personality Match (assume any personality can be Personality Match (assume any personality can be healthy)healthy)

Personal Issues (assumes problematic areasPersonal Issues (assumes problematic areas

FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d

SkillsSkills– Communication Communication – Problem SolvingProblem Solving

FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d

Bonders (Things that either unite people or tear Bonders (Things that either unite people or tear them apart)them apart)– Religion and ValuesReligion and Values– ParentingParenting– Extended FamilyExtended Family– SexualitySexuality– FinancesFinances– Marriage ReadinessMarriage Readiness– Marriage Covenant (specifically religious dimension)Marriage Covenant (specifically religious dimension)

FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d

Summary CategoriesSummary Categories– Key Problem indicators (based on years of Key Problem indicators (based on years of

research, which answers typically lead to research, which answers typically lead to problems?)problems?)

– Family of Origin (In each group of questions, Family of Origin (In each group of questions, where do family of origin issues arise?)where do family of origin issues arise?)

– Dual Career (In each group of questions, Dual Career (In each group of questions, where do dual career issues emerge?where do dual career issues emerge?

FOCCUS Content cont’dFOCCUS Content cont’d

Special GroupsSpecial Groups– InterfaithInterfaith– RemarriagesRemarriages– Cohabiting CouplesCohabiting Couples

FOCCUS InterpretationFOCCUS Interpretation

Who interprets?Who interprets?– Great tool for clergy Great tool for clergy

Helps to get to know coupleHelps to get to know couple

Helps to identify problem areasHelps to identify problem areas

– Team approachTeam approachCouple interprets and refers back to presiderCouple interprets and refers back to presider

– Interesting finding from clergy in my parish – they like Interesting finding from clergy in my parish – they like another perspective on the coupleanother perspective on the couple

– Whichever approach – important to insure Whichever approach – important to insure confidentiality of coupleconfidentiality of couple

FOCCUS ScoringFOCCUS Scoring

Send it back to FOCCUS – easiest – $20 Send it back to FOCCUS – easiest – $20 – time lag of two weeks– time lag of two weeks

Couple takes the inventory on line and Couple takes the inventory on line and facilitator accesses the score immediately facilitator accesses the score immediately and prints out the profile. Coupons $15and prints out the profile. Coupons $15

Parish-Based Marriage PreparationParish-Based Marriage Preparation

FOCCUS primes the pumpFOCCUS primes the pump– Should take place before any formal marriage Should take place before any formal marriage

prep programprep program

Then what?Then what?– Some people have totally customized Some people have totally customized

marriage prep – marriage prep – – However, many advantages to group However, many advantages to group

marriage preparation programsmarriage preparation programs

MARRIAGE PREP IS GREAT MARRIAGE PREP IS GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR EVANGELIZATION OPPORTUNITY FOR EVANGELIZATION

EFFORTS! IT IS A “TEACHABLE EFFORTS! IT IS A “TEACHABLE MOMENT!”MOMENT!”

Making the case for Parish-BasedMaking the case for Parish-Based

Experience shows that many couples have Experience shows that many couples have not been in church since confirmationnot been in church since confirmation– Recent Study – (Christian Smith) – shows that Recent Study – (Christian Smith) – shows that

American Catholic teens and young adults are American Catholic teens and young adults are more disconnected from the Church than more disconnected from the Church than other religions other religions

– Possible bias of findings – but the finding still Possible bias of findings – but the finding still alarmingalarming

Making the Case cont’dMaking the Case cont’d

With Baby Boomer Generation –With Baby Boomer Generation –– Effort to make marriage preparation more Effort to make marriage preparation more

personal, less lecturepersonal, less lecture– Effort to make it more intimate Effort to make it more intimate

Small groupsSmall groups

Moved to homesMoved to homes

Making the Case cont’dMaking the Case cont’d

Subsequent generationsSubsequent generations– More disconnected from churchMore disconnected from church– Fewer have had personal connections with Fewer have had personal connections with

any church leadersany church leaders– Marriage Prep provides an opportunity to Marriage Prep provides an opportunity to

reconnect couples with Faith communityreconnect couples with Faith community

““Preparation or Formation?”Preparation or Formation?”

BothBoth– Clearly – want couples to have good skillsClearly – want couples to have good skills

CommunicationCommunicationProblem SolvingProblem SolvingNegotiationNegotiationConflict ResolutionConflict Resolution

– Also – important contentAlso – important contentSexualitySexualityDual CareersDual CareersValues and Conscience, to name a fewValues and Conscience, to name a few

Preparation or Formation cont’dPreparation or Formation cont’d

HOWEVER – HOWEVER – – Faith formation is CRUCIAL for this generationFaith formation is CRUCIAL for this generation

Many no formal religious education past junior high school or Many no formal religious education past junior high school or high school at besthigh school at best

– For many couples – never discussed Church’s For many couples – never discussed Church’s teaching on:teaching on:

Covenant and SacramentCovenant and Sacrament

Conscience FormationConscience Formation

SexualitySexuality

SpiritualitySpirituality

Preparation or Formation cont’dPreparation or Formation cont’d

Recommend programs that give more Recommend programs that give more than skills for marriagethan skills for marriage– They shouldThey should

Invite couples into faith communityInvite couples into faith community

Allow them to hear the faith stories of othersAllow them to hear the faith stories of others

Invite them to share their own faith storiesInvite them to share their own faith stories

Invite them to understand the meaning of covenant Invite them to understand the meaning of covenant and sacramentand sacrament

Help them to develop a spirituality that will help Help them to develop a spirituality that will help them growthem grow

Duration of Marriage PreparationDuration of Marriage Preparation

Short format vs. Long formatShort format vs. Long format– Obviously – must make prudential pastoral Obviously – must make prudential pastoral

judgmentsjudgmentsService men and womenService men and women

Some couples living at great distance from each Some couples living at great distance from each otherother

– Research From FOCCUS Database indicates Research From FOCCUS Database indicates that optimum marriage preparation duration is that optimum marriage preparation duration is

9-12 sessions (including rehearsal and liturgy 9-12 sessions (including rehearsal and liturgy planning)planning)

Duration cont’dDuration cont’d

Very short formats do not give couples Very short formats do not give couples time to process informationtime to process information

Very short formats encourage couples Very short formats encourage couples NOT to take marriage prep seriouslyNOT to take marriage prep seriously

The closer marriage prep gets to the date The closer marriage prep gets to the date of the wedding – the less effective it will beof the wedding – the less effective it will be

Faith Formation for Marriage -- Faith Formation for Marriage -- ContentContent

Contract vs. CovenantContract vs. CovenantMeaning of SacramentMeaning of SacramentCommunicationCommunicationFamily of OriginFamily of OriginValues and Conscience FormationValues and Conscience FormationIntimacy and Sexuality (including Church Intimacy and Sexuality (including Church teaching)teaching)SpiritualitySpirituality

Faith Formation for Marriage – Faith Formation for Marriage – Content cont’dContent cont’d

In additionIn addition– Important for couples to have solid liturgical Important for couples to have solid liturgical

planningplanning– Important for couples to become acquainted Important for couples to become acquainted

with Natural Family Planningwith Natural Family Planning– Important for couples to be invited to Important for couples to be invited to

participate in the life of the faith communityparticipate in the life of the faith community– Important for the community to extend Important for the community to extend

hospitality to coupleshospitality to couples

Marriage Preparation – A Way to Marriage Preparation – A Way to Invite Couples to grow in faithInvite Couples to grow in faith

Experience shows that many people see Experience shows that many people see marriage preparation as a hoopmarriage preparation as a hoop

Instead – help them to see it as an:Instead – help them to see it as an:– Opportunity to become active participants in Opportunity to become active participants in

the life of faiththe life of faith– Opportunity for to develop new leadership Opportunity for to develop new leadership

skills in and for the communityskills in and for the community