Marriage Conference 2012 Part 5

7/31/2019 Marriage Conference 2012 Part 5

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Essential Understandings

Contention or Conflict

Resolution Brokenness

Forgiveness Restoration


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Contention or Conflict Prov. 18.19: A brother offended is harder

to win than a strong city, And contentionsare like the bars of a castle Insight: You cannot let offense or conflict

go unaddressed Results: Spouses whose hearts are barred

shut, yet sleeping in the same bed


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Contention or Conflict Prov. 20.3: It is honorable for a man to

stop striving, since any fool can start aquarrel.

Insight: It is an honor not to quarrel; it isnot an honor to win the argument, to speak louder, to humiliate/embarrass the otherperson, to have the final word

None of those things bring honor or respect


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Contention or Conflict Prov. 17.14: The beginning of strife is

like releasing water; therefore, stopcontention before a quarrel starts. Key: Stop before it gets started Thus: Recognize what is going and

diffuse the time bomb


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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 1. Hatred vs. Love Prov. 10.12: Hatred stirs up

strife, but love covers all sin 2. Pride Prov. 13.10: By pride comes nothing

but strife (Cf. 28.25)3. Wrath Prov. 15.18: A wrathful man stirs up

strife, but a man slow to anger allayscontention (Cf. 29.22 and Ja. 1.19 For theanger of man does not work the righteousness

of God )


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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 4. Contrary: Prov. 16.28-- A perverse man

sows strife and a whisperer separates thebest of friends (Cf. 26.20)

5. Foolish words: Prov. 18.6: A fool s lipsenter into contentionmouth calls forblows

6. Scoffer (Critical) Prov. 22.10: Cast out

the scoffer & contention will leave


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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness

Death to self: If anyone desires tocome after Me, let him deny himself & take up his cross (Lk. 9.23)

Death to self: Unless a grain of wheatfalls into the ground and dies, it re-mains alone, but if it dies, it produces

much fruit (Jn. 12.24)


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Contention or Conflict: Look at yourself 7. Selfishness

Death to self: Let this mind be in youwhich was also in Christ Jesuswhoemptied himselfform of a bondservant

obedient to death (Phil. 2.5-8) Marriage can be an anvil where the god

of selfishness is crushed; or lives will be

brokenwhich will you chose???


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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations

Definition: Self imposed restriction up-on another that assumes they knowwhat you are thinking, desiring ordoing

Insight: It is a subtle and deadly formof selfishness

Insight: It comes from the flesh; -


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Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations

Psalm 62.5: My soul, wait silently forGod alone, for my expectation is fromHim

expectation =the thing longed for;root is to look for eagerly This is not your spouse, but the Lord;

such puts your spouse in position to fail


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Resolution Principle: Mt. 5.23: Therefore if you

bring your gift to the altar, and there

remember that your brother hassomething against you , gofirst bereconciled

reconciled =to be restored to normalrelations; change feelings towards; makepeace

Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17; Hos. 6.6; Am.


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Resolution Incongruous: To bring worship to the Lord

& not obey in being reconciled one to

another (Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17;Hos. 6.6; Am. 5.21-24) Men: You must take the lead here; do not

let things remain unaddressed Do not make the same mistake of Adam Goal: Not to win the argument; but to

restore the relationship


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Essential UnderstandingsResolution

Principle: Mt. 18.15: if your brothersins against you, go and tell him his faultbetween you and him alone .

Cf. Prov. 25.9: Debate your case withyour neighbor & do not disclose yoursecret to another

Insight: Settle this with your spouse; not

your parents or friends or co-workers


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Brokenness Brokenness: You do not desire sacri -

ficethe sacrifices of God are a brokenspirita contrite heart You will notdespise (Ps. 51.16-17)

Brokenness: but on this one will Ilook on him who is of a poor & contritespirit & who trembles at my Word (Is.66.2)


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Brokenness Brokenness: Josiah because your

heart was tender and you humbled your-self before the Lord when you heard whatI spokeand you tore your clothes andwept I also heard you (2 Kg. 22.19)

Insight: Both parties must be trembling atthe Word of God that applies to yourportion of the problem


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Essential UnderstandingsBrokenness

Insight: Treat your sin as the only sin inthe entire room the tax collectorbeathis breast God, be merciful to me THEsinner (Lk. 18.11-14)

Insight: The one justified is not the onemonitoring the other party

Insight: True brokenness is tested in your

response when the issue comes up again


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2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance

1. Diligence: earnest care or extreme-ly concerned about the matter; notindifferent

2. Clearing: Taking definitive & dete-rmined action & you clear/defendyourself


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3. Indignation: Appropriate angeragainst the sin4. Fear: Reconstituted fear of the Lord

right accountable attitude toward God5. Vehement desire: Longing to see the

wrong situation corrected


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6. Zeal: Intense interest in God sreestablished glory, restoring thesinner, cleaning up the situation

7. Vindication: Appropriate penalty forthe wrong and wrong doer


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Essential UnderstandingsForgiveness

Definition: Col. 1.14; Eph. 1.7

forgive =the act of freeing onefrom an obligation Definition: Col. 3.13; Eph. 4.32

forgive =grant freely as anunderserved favor


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Insight: Releasing or sending awayanother s wrongs will be anundeserved favor to your spouse

Insight: Enough cannot be done to

earn it Question: How do you forgive your

spouse?


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Forgiveness Psalm 103.11-12: as high as the heav -

ens are abovesois His mercyas far as

the east is from the west, so far has Heremoved our transgressions from us

Cf. Lev. 16.15-16, 20-22: The goat sacri-ficed & the goat released never found

Question: How do you forgive yourspouse?


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Romans 8.1: There is therefore now no

condemnation to those who are in ChristJesus condemnation =to judge guilty & settle

the case with appropriate with penalty Question: How do you forgive your

spouse?


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Heb. 8.12: For I will be merciful to theirunrighteousness, and their sins and their

lawless deeds I will remember no more Insight: How can a God who knows all not

remember something?

Answer: Voluntarily & consistently whenthe Enemy comes

Question: How do you forgive your

spouse?


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Essential UnderstandingsRestoration

2 Cor. 2.7-11: you ought rather toforgive and comfortreaffirm you love tohim

forgive =gracious gift or act; undeserved comfort =call to one s side or along side reaffirm =confirm, ratify, validate in a

legally binding manner


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2 Cor. 2.7-11: lest Satan should take Problem: Reinvestment of trust was

violated oncewill you expose yourself tothis risk again? Understanding: This is what you are

asking the offended to doit cannot bedemanded nor expected by the offender Satan: He uses these emotions to keep

marriages separated in heart and body


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Restoration Gal. 6.1: if a man is overtaken in any

trespass restore such a one in a spirit of

gentleness, considering yourself lest yoube

restore =to make someone completely

adequate for something or function well Insight: This is what spouses do one

with another on a regular basis


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Restoration Gal. 6.1: restore such a one in a spirit

of gentleness, considering yourself lest

you be gentleness =your strength under

control due to your trust in His ability to

handle the situation irrespective of you;outwardly it looks like mild, soft, gentle;inwardly it is pure reliance upon God


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Gal. 6.1: , considering yourself lestyou be tempted

consider =to pay careful attention to Insight: The reason one must be meek in

handling restoring brother, is due to the

restorer s own vulnerability to the samedemise

Insight: This situations demands your

h ilit

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Marriage Conference 2012 Part 5