Male Friend

7/30/2019 Male Friend

1/16

Hobart College Leaders Program

Men and Masculinity

Male Friendship and Other

Social Relationships


2/16


What Men Desire

Men have the desire to be with othermen and women in positive emotionaland instrumental ways

Men express identification with each other

Hope for success, respect, and significantattachments to groups

Enact manly qualities, such as courage,determination, goal-orientation, hardwork, and team-spirit


3/16


Problems of Masculinity

Most men in our culture have beenfollowers and not leaders, as Emersonsaid, "living lives of quiet desperation."This desperation has often resulted inacting out real social and psychologicaldeprivations, and acting out distortions,

such as alcoholism and domestic violence.


4/16


Problems of Masculinity

The striving for success directly linked tostress, and the high rate of cardio-vasculardisease among men

The striving for respect has often led todistorted images of other men

homophobic remarks and violence

distorted images of women in language, throughdiscrimination and sexualized violence

Loneliness


5/16


The Double-Edge

Our desire for male friendships thatembody complete trust that other menwill not take advantage of ourvulnerabilities

The competing demand to be:

the self-reliant loner

the winner

emotionally strong and hard


6/16


Men In Groups

Men in groups are often a source of: conflict, violence, substance abuse, and ugly

sexist and sexual behavior

Often this is acted out through: use of violence against oneself and against others

-- physical abuse of others, substance abuse,

irresponsible sex and risk-taking behavior This creates a cycle of fearin women,

and a cycle of self-destruction in men


7/16Hobart College Leaders Program

Masculinity is a Test

Themes:

"the flight from the feminine

defense of masculine turf deny fearing other men

men fear being exposed as a sissy

fear being unmasked as feminine

constant tests of manhood



The Male Sex Role

1. "NO SISSY STUFF!" -- One may never do anythingthat even remotely suggests femininity. Masculinityis the RELENTLESS repudiation of the feminine.

2. "BE A BIG WHEEL" -- Masculinity is measured bypower, success, wealth and status.

3. "BE A STURDY OAK" -- Masculinity depends onremaining calm and reliable in a crisis, holdingemotions in check. In fact, proving you're a mandepends upon never showing your emotions at all(except anger).

4. "GIVE EM HELL" -- Exude a aura of manly daringand aggression. Go for it. Take risks.



Problems with the Model

No opportunity to think criticallyabout the sexist model of masculinity

the strong offense turns out to be a shakydefense

imagined security is a source of insecurity

expression of confidence is often bluster,

and is actually driven by fear



Plecks Paradox

Men have power, but most men experiencepowerlessness in much of their lives Men do not recognize the destruction that we

have caused ourselves or others need tounderstand how we oppress ourselves

The "male mystique" makes it difficult to haveloving male friendship and bonding -- it turns

men permanently against one another



Shame and Male Loyalty

Shame leads to silence

To preserve the distorted male bond

men often resort to denial and distortion ofthemselves in defense of masculinity

men often deny the "other" and render theminvisible

men together profess loyalty to the distortedideal of masculinity, and simultaneously,because embedded in it is fear of other men,find themselves in opposition to each other!



Taking Action

Reverse the standard

be critical rather than just going along

speak out instead of remaining silent Understand the linkage of domination to

masculinity that pits each man againsteach other


13/16


Hobart Leaders Can

take a stand againstthese distortions

express new models

generate more positive& committedfriendships

generate moreenriching socialrelationships

become bettercommunicators andbetter listeners

teach others how tocreate groups andfriendships that helpmen to feel trulysecure in themselvesand their manhood


14/16


Worthy Goals

exhibit gentle-manliness

unmask your selves, act funny, be silly,

and be in a relationship of care with oneanother

enhanced and enriched relationships

become more rounded, less lonely, andless stressed


15/16


Horizon Thinking

Embrace this opportunity for leadership

Create new models of masculinities

Deepen your relationships with eachother and the women of William Smith

Be active in the community, do goodwork, help others, and be a source ofhealing

Reclaim brotherhood, fatherhood, andreinvent what it means to be a man


16/16


Creating Masculinities

Men can create and sustainmasculinities that:

celebrate deepening friendships

celebrate male variety

create expressions of lasting and humanevalue

create bonds that rest on the worthyfoundations of respect and care

Be proud to be a Hobart Man!

Documents

Male Friend