Making Personal Development Personal

7/30/2019 Making Personal Development Personal

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More than just training

Making Personal Development PersonalA View from Impact Factory

Robin Chandler and Jo Ellen GrzybImpact Factory Copyright 2006

"What are your plans? Are you always going to be like this?"

2006 The New Yorker Collection from cartoonbank.com. All rights reserved.


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http://www.impactfactory.com/

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Making Personal Development PersonalWe've written before about Impact Factory's brand of Professional Personal Development(Professional Personal Development What is it?), but we're just going to take a little side step here totalk about the broader issue of Personal Development.

This is because there's an awful lot of talk about personal development and for some people, they'renot quite sure how it relates to them. Often when we become adults, learn new skills, have a job, arelationship (or not), friends, colleagues, we're pretty much set in who we are, how we think andbehave and what the nature of our emotional selves is.

Personal Development can sometimes seem like a pretty daunting 'task' rather than something to bedesired or pursued. Do I have to change everything about me? Won't it be painful and emotionallywrenching? Do I have to change everything about me? I'll lose my friends if I change too much.

Common myths. And myths they are if you look at the gentler, more humane way to approachpersonal development. It shouldn't be wrenching; you don't need to have an 'epiphany' and changeyour ways forever; it should be a natural evolution of who you already are, not a tearing apart and a

putting back together again.

Although Impact Factory primarily works with people in the workplace, the issues surroundingpersonal development are the same in any area of your life.

And here are a few reasons why:

Reverting to type and dealing with the feelingsWhat is very clear to anyone that works with people is that under pressure, people will 'revert to

type'. In normal circumstances, when there's no pressure, everyone knows how they would like todeal with things differently. However, when decisions need to be made quickly, when things aren'tworking as you would wish, when others become more demanding, most people under stress willbehave as they always have. They will not have the time, nor will they make the time to weigh andmeasure their options.

What they will do is react to the current situation and do what they've always done to get a speedyresult. What they have always done may not - often is not - the most appropriate choice to make; butit seems to be the only one available to them at the time. It is in hindsight that other options becomeclear.

People cannot help reverting to type. It is how the species has survived: when a mastodon came intoview, people didn't take time to ponder their options; they acted immediately. That vital mechanismis within us all: under threat we will react without conscious thought in order to survive.

However, without well-developed people skills, pressurised communication in all areas of our livescan look like bullying or blaming where it's easier to accuse or order someone around rather thanencourage. It can mean that people will avoid conflict and back down from useful confrontationwhere differences could get resolved. People will make incorrect assumptions and then act on them.Reverting to type can also mean avoiding getting support from others because you feel you have todo everything yourself.


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When people revert to type, they are usually driven by their feelings, and it will usually be feelingsthat get in the way of being able to change behaviour constructively. Most people knowhow theywould like to behave, so teaching the 'how to' is not at issue here.

Feelings that can get in the way of effectiveness can be anything from nervousness about presenting,to fear of humiliation for saying something stupid, to being intimidated by a particular person whoseems to wrong-foot you all the time. Feelings can make you shy away from handling trickysituations from saying no to Christmas dinner with the parents to asking for a raise orcommunicating more honestly with a colleague.

At Impact Factory we address the fact that at times (more often than not) uncomfortable feelings willmake it difficult, if not impossible, to create the outcome you want. Otherwise, people are trying tocope with new information and new techniques without acknowledging that their emotions can, attimes, stop them making any change whatsoever.

That's not personal development, and trying to learn new things without that essentialacknowledgement usually means the learning won't stick.

Changing yourself to change othersWe hear over and over again in people's personal and work lives that things would be much better ifonly someone else would change the way they do things. "If my sister wasn't so stubborn, we'd havea much easier relationship." "I'd get on much better if only my line manager would give me moretime to get things done." "My job would be easier if only my secretary was more efficient." "Myparents are so frustrating; if only they would start treating me like an adult."

In these and many other examples, the solution seems to rest with someone else. Therefore, theresponsibility for moving things forward rests with others as well. There will always be situations

where life would be far better if someone else would just shape up and do things the way we thinkthey ought to be done! However, that attitude puts all the power and influence into someone else'shands and leaves us feeling impotent and often inadequate. You can have a good moan, but nothingchanges.

Changing whatyou do, changing the wayyou speak to others, changingyourattitude towardsrecurring difficulties will change the normally predictable outcome.

When we talk about change, we are looking for simple changes; tweaks, adjustments, smallalterations, rather than looking to change everything about a person. At Impact Factory we talk

about the least amount of change for the greatest impact. Striving for small but effective changesrather than complete transformation.

That's' how true personal development needs to happen: not massive life-changing upheaval, buteasily manageable, incremental changes that don't require you to change everything about yourself(or expect everyone else to change as well).

When we work with people's personal development on our workshops we make it easy andenjoyable and filled with variety, so that there is 'something for everyone'. What works for oneperson, won't necessarily work for others. We believe that the way forward is to find a few things thatyou know you'll be able to do, to have fun doing them and to experience enough small wins as you

practise them. These are the things you'll be able to remember in the heat of a difficult situation.You will revert to a new type that feels familiar because it's developed from who you already are, notabout becoming someone you'll never be!


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Real life, not make believeHere's one way that we do that: we use real-life, everyday situations that people encounter on thejob or in their personal lives, rather than giving people made up, textbook scenarios they then haveto 'act out'. Working with real issues helps people recognise and understand their feelings ratherthan ignoring them or wishing they would go away.

We know that if you spend time learning and developing new skills on a course there needs to be arealistic bridge between the workshop room and real life.

We always ask people to bring in their own experiences - a challenging presenting situation, arecurring difficult person or problem, an upcoming meeting, etc. Within those real-life scenarios, weuse some of the tools and techniques that the individual has practised during the training and hasalready found works for them.

By letting people work on their specific issues and then incorporating their favourite techniques intothe re-enactments, they get to choose what they feel able to do, rather than ones they oughtto do.

And if we could sum up our entire philosophy in one word it would be: choice.

When people feel they have choice, they feel more confident and better able to deal with theordinary and the extraordinary of work and personal life.

And that's how we make personal development personal as well!

If you are interested in talking to us further about personal development,please phone: 020 7226 1877 or e-mail: [email protected]

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Making Personal Development Personal