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Personal reflections
Death and Children in 2007
Children may experience meaningful loss through death of
Grandparents, Parents or SiblingsAnimals
Death on Television though the News, or more likely through programs is more frequent, but may have less impact.
Acute Loss Syndrome
Psychological and Somatic SymptomsMay appear immediately, or delayedMay be exaggerated or apparently
absentMay appear to be a distorted aspect of
one part of the syndromeIs amenable to support, care, but needs
to run its course
Symptoms
Somatic Distress - often in waves A sense of unreality, with increased emotional
distancing Often an intense preoccupation with the image of the
dead Feelings of responsibility or guilt Disconcerting loss of warmth in relationship, with
irritability or anger Changes in patterns of conduct Traits of the deceased may appear in the behaviour
of the child
Death of a mother
Universally accepted as more traumaticShock, disbelief, denial may be followed
by episodes of panicRegressionCompensationClinging to a mother substitute
Death of a father
All the previous symptoms may occurDeath of a father may be more difficult
for a boy
Death of a sibling
Regret or Guilt may be prominentProfiting from extra parental attentionStruggling with the reaction of parentsA ‘replacement’ child can have special
problems
Grieving in Infancy
During the first 2 years there may be no true understanding of death
However, stages of loss (Bowlby, 1958) may appear: Protest Despair Detachment
There may be later problems with attachment, or an inability to trust that others will ‘always’ be there
From age 3
May have more comprehensionMay be able to discuss the deathMay act out fears and fantasiesMay not have concept of death as final;
this may lead to anxieties over sleepSeparation anxiety is common, and
dependency may be strongGrief work through play
From about age 6
May accept that death is finalMay have resulting fears around own
finitenessPersonification of DeathGrief work more verbal
From about age 10
More emotionally mature with an understanding of the finiteness of death
Most of the intellectual tools to understand death and its context
Delayed or distorted reactions can occur
Distorted grief reactions
Overactivity with no sense of lossTaking on traits of the deceasedA psychosomatic disorderAlteration of relationships with friends and siblingsHostility to certain people (eg professionals)WithdrawalProblems at schoolAggressive acting outDepression with agitation
The Funeral
Whatever our core religious beliefs, some ceremony is necessary for us to celebrate a life and acknowledge the passing
All children should be present and take part in the mourning as far as they can
