Lo Times602 Fun Street, TheDoor, IN 46350000000Issue 7, Volume 104

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April 2013

Something else Something

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Bye bye, Uncle SiSaoud to replace Handel

Recalling April Fools’ pranks from the past

Category 5 & Big Poppa

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Photo by Jenna Diehl

Photo by Justin TimberlakeJunior Austin Schell worries about a Si-less future.

By Rick GrimesStaff Writer

As the month of April appears onto calendars worldwide, a few holidays begin to come to attention. One of the most interesting holidays among those is April Fools’ Day. April Fools’ Day is commonly known for a day full of jokes and pranks to pull on other people. It can bring out the side of humor that everyone has hidden, or it can cause an upset to those who do not necessarily enjoy being the target of pranks. For many kids, teens and young adults, it tends to be a day that many wait for in excitement. Junior Sunshine Allen said, “April Fools’ Day is my favorite holi-day because it is a lot of fun to mess with people and freak them out.” It can be a day full of traditional jokes, such as prank phone calls and cheesy old jokes that people have been pulling for many years. “One time, I switched the boys and girls restroom sign,” said junior Nick Frye. “It was one of the best pranks I have ever pulled before. It really affected a lot of people.” April Fools’ Day pranks can occur anywhere; for example, there are instances of funny pranks in the halls of a school, tricking a loved one at home and it even can occur in a workplace with adults. “I think April Fools’ Day is fun because it allows me to mess with people’s minds,” said junior Delaney Christy. “It also lets me plan out certain pranks that I want to pull on people and that is also fun to do.” April Fools’ Day can count as a day where people let their playful side come out, and enjoy a day full of pranks and jokes.

By Justin TimberlakeStaff Writer

The popular television series “Duck Dynasty” did not receive the ratings it was hoping for on the recent season premiere. The net-work that airs the show, A+E Networks, was reluctant in releasing the information just days after the season premiere. “I’m surprised this isn’t bigger news, I thought this would blow up for sure,” said junior Miles Droege. Representatives from A+E Networks were not sure why the rat-ings dropped so low compared to last season. They explained that Southern rednecks were the main viewers that tuned in to the pre-miere. The network thought that Uncle Si’s witty wisdom would be the only factor needed in bringing back the audience to the new season. Unfortunately, many fans will be left without Uncle Si’s random remarks. “Uncle Si was cool,” Droege stated. With nearly 40% of LPHS students wearing some form of cam-ouflage attire to school everyday, the news did not seem to spread as quickly as predicted. The soon to be absence of the beloved Robertson boys seemed to almost leave no impression on those camouflaged students. When first informed about the cancellation, junior Drew Kessler was outraged. “Hey, Jack!” Kessler exclaimed. Several more people were outraged as well. Sightings of rednecks shaving off their beards became popular in most Southern areas. The beard clippings began to pile up so high that some towns had to hire workers to clean up the mess. Even the local ecosystems began to take a turn for the worse. Ironically, a large amount of the mallard population began choking and dying on the beard clip-pings. The cancellation also brought a lot of questions by the abandoned viewers. Some people were wondering about a future spin-off show. Maybe a talk show with Uncle Si or a cooking show with Miss Kay. Junior Austin Schell had another question in mind. “How do such ugly men get with such good looking women?” Schell said. Before getting really angry and punching a wall, this story was an April Fool’s prank. Gotcha.

By Category 5 and Big Poppa Staff Writers

Category 5- I love two hour delays and school cancellations. They just make me all happy inside. However, I hate it when weathermen or weatherwomen tell me there’s a huge snow-storm coming and to be pre-pared for delays AND ABSOLU-ETLY NOTHING HAPPENS. I’ve learned that anytime there’s a ninety percent chance of snow, subtract eighty percent from that and that’s actually the accurate percentage. They give me false hope and I don’t like it at all. I hate waking up on a school morning finding out that dreadful news, there is still school yet there are no delays. After I recover from this news, I just go on with my morning without a hop in my step. To save us all from this depression, don’t listen to all these predic-tions and just take the delays as they come.

I absolutely hate when people cuss. It bothers me because they are used only for mean pur-poses. It makes people sound unprofessional and sometimes they can’t be taken seriously in certain situations. When you cuss in public, random strang-ers that you don’t even know will judge you instantly. That’s not a nice feeling. I know some people are confused on what

By BrickhouseStaff Writer

It is well known that Mr. Handel is in fact retiring after twenty-four years of serving the LaPorte Community School Corporation. His position will be very difficult to fill because he has been so successful and has benefited our high school. After much consideration, the position of principal has been decided to be delegated to Miss Angela Saoud. Saoud has taught eight years at LaPorte. She has many inno-vative ideas and is excited to make changes. Saoud said, “I plan on flip-ping this school upside down. Get ready students for BIG changes.” Saoud served three years in the peace core and as a nun in London, England. Through these experiences, she has de-cided it would be most benefi-cial to students to change the dress code to better resemble the chapels in London. Students

will be required to wear cascad-ing, dark robes, similar to those in Harry Potter, and motocross helmets for modesty and safety. Saoud believes in half days for all students and fine cuisine for all lunches. Each day, students will be released at 12:34 (because the numbers are in numerical order) and local businesses will cater the school in order to boost local economy

and please all students. Saoud has also released that she plans on running for presi-dent after completely flipping La Porte High School. Look out for Angela Saoud for president 2016! This article is completely false, although Miss Saoud is a rockin’ teacher, none of these “facts” can be taken seriously. April fools!

cuss words are, so here’s the answer. Think of this before you say something, “Would I say this in front of my pastor, grandmother or that friendly neighbor next door?” If you answer “no” to any of these, you probably shouldn’t say it. Thanks everyone, love you, and see you all next issue! Well I guess I won’t actually see you since this is just a paper so……bye.

Big Poppa- When drivers knowingly park in a handicap parking spot just because it is the closest spot to the entrance, I want to call the cops on them. It is obvious that they don’t need the spot when a young person gets out of the car. Handicap spots are exclusively for people who have disabilities.

My grandparents have a sticker that allows them to park in these spots and 90% of the time they don’t even use it in order to save the spot for someone worse than them. So next time the parking lot is full and you have the choice of parking in a handi-cap spot and a spot in the back of the parking lot, do the right thing and park in the back. A child disrespecting their mother is wrong, these are the people who try hard to provide for you and care for you. They deserve to be treated the best out of everyone for the uncondi-tional love they provide for their children. When I hear someone yelling at their mother for pick-ing out a shirt for them to try on I just want to slap them across the face. At least try on the shirt for her so she can feel good.

Photo by Justin TimberlakeMs. Saoud lends a helping hand to a fellow teacher.

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