The love auction!

brought to you by the PR coMmittee

Mark your calendars

November 20th

Issue 6 November 13, 2013

Editor’s note:Open your hearts... and your wallets

Lister is known for many things, including (historically) pretty fun parties, producing game-changing student leaders, and, of course, dodgeball and the LDL. In the long

run, it’s a pretty good list of things to be recognised by.

We all know that Lister is full of awesome people. What most people don’t know is how generous our residents are. In the 2012-2013 alone, Listerites raised $35,757.67! That’s a lot of money coming from students who, generally, don’t have a lot to give. But we give anyways. Out of the nearly thirty-six thousand, $12,751.20 was raised for the Heart and Stroke Foundation during LOVE Auction.

Here’s a breakdown of the rest of the donations from last year:

- $9,858.94 raised for Kidsport Alberta during Dodgefest- $3675.30 raised for the Youth Empowerment and Support Society during the Jail and Bail, Open Mic nights, and Candygrams.- $150.72 raised for Little Warriors during the Pen-ny Drive- $150.72 raised for Operation Friendship Society during the Penny Drive- $9042.47 raised for the Alberta Cancer Foun-dation and the Cross Cancer Institute during the RezFest 2012, Waterpark 2012, and Halloween PhotoBooth Events!

Don’t look at these numbers and feel like this is a challenge—that we have to give more. We don’t.

Just remember that these are amazing causes, and every little bit counts. And in the case of LOVE Auction, you get a pretty sweet date with a pretty sweet person if you’re the highest bidder.

I’d like to take this time to thank the following spon-sors on behalf of the LHSA:

- The Winspear- City of Edmonton- Cora’s- Matt McKnight- Backside Tours- Student’s Union- Cactus Club- Laser Quest- David Semple- Megan Chambers

We couldn’t host this amazing event without the support of donators like you!

On November 20th, I hope you’ll be in the caf at 8PM, if not with wallet and chequebook in hand, then just to be a part of one of Lister’s biggest an-nual events.

And last, but not least, the next time you see VP PR Courtney Gillis, or any member of the PR commit-tee, give ‘em a pat on the back, or a big ol’ hug, for all the hard work they put in. They deserve it!

Cara Chong, Editor-in-Chief

LIGHTHOUSE

LIVING

Are you sick of feeling confined to campus all the time? Need a change of scenery? Have you met that special someone and want to take them out to some-where nicer than the caf? Well then you’re reading the right article! Here are some super adorable spots that are easily accessible from campus that can make for great study spots, but more importantly, the cutest dates.

1. RemedyThis place has the best chai lattes in the whole world. It puts Starbucks to shame. Great atmosphere to just do some casual studying in a cosy armchair, or to take someone out for a nice conversation over a cof-fee. They also have gluten-free options and vegan food. This little gem is located in the Garneau area; walk straight down 87th Ave and you can’t miss it.

2. Block 1912SO MANY DESSERTS, OH MY GOD. Seriously, I have never seen so many delicious-looking desserts in one place. This cafe looks like it’s from a movie. Actually, it looks like the closest thing I’ve seen to Central Perk. Take your date here and your life will actually be like a movie. It’s also just a great place to chill out with friends. Located on Whyte Ave right next to the DQ by 104th Street.

3. The Princess TheatreOld style movie theatre! Adorable. Awesome place to take someone on a date. Why? One, it’s super cute and who knows what can happen in a dark theatre. ;) And two, it’s actually a lot cheaper than a regular theatre if you go on the right nights; it’s only $6 on Mondays! Plus the popcorn is awesome and doesn’t cost as much as your ticket. Also on Whyte Ave just past 104th Street.

4. PhobulousConveniently located right next to Remedy in Gar-neau. Fantastic Vietnamese food for a reasonable price. Want to take someone to dinner? Sick of eating off your meal plan? Head over to this place to spice things up. (P.S. They do take out!)

5. TranscendAlso located in Garneau, right across the street from Remedy. This place has a great interior atmosphere. Very calm; a nice place to just grab a coffee and relax for a bit. A great option if Remedy isn’t your style but you’re still looking for something classier than your typical Starbucks.

6. Rapid Fire TheatreMy personal favorite for a date. Who doesn’t like watching hilariously spontaneous improv? No one fun, that’s who! You are guaranteed tons of laughs at these shows. They run every Friday and Saturday, so there’s always going to be a show if you want to go. These beauties take place at the Citadel Thea-tre, which you can get to by the LRT. If you get off at Churchill Station, you won’t even have to go outside to get there – great for those minus 40 nights.

7. The River ValleyI know it’s cold and winter now, but who doesn’t love a cute walk through the river valley? You can hold hands and throw snowballs at each other and be dis-gustingly adorable. Plus if it gets too cold, you can always go somewhere to warm each other up. ;)

Head over to one of these cute places and you are bound to have a great time… maybe an even better time afterwards.

By Kiana Woo

take ‘em outSomewhere nice

Who to Expect at LOVE Auction

By Sam Anderson

You’re going to be seeing many different people auc-tioning off dates at the Love Auction, and you’re going to be seeing even more people trying to buy them. But why does a person buy a Love Auction partici-pant? What compels them to raise that placard that says, “Hey! I want you!”? Is it friendship? Is it love? Outlined below are some of the types of people you might see buying, being bought, and what it is that binds them together.

1. The Gunther and Rachel. Gunther has long admired Rachel from a distance, and views this as the perfect time to turn their awk-ward friendship into something more. Rachel, on the other hand, is less than receptive to the idea, and would much rather keep their relationship as a pla-tonic, Central Perk barista-customer/coworker rela-tionship. Naturally, awkwardness ensues.

2. The Noah and Allie. Meet Allie – a young, spirited knight of Mackenzie, with all the opportunity in the world ahead of her. Meet Noah – Henday blue, through and through. Allie’s floor doesn’t approve of her budding romance with Noah, intercepting the letters he writes and trying their best to end the relationship. However, their true love con-quers all in a powerful Love Auction revelation, and the crowd goes wild. (Note: This date is most likely to involve kissing in the rain, Notebook style.)

3. The Wolfpack. They’re a group of friends who just want to have fun, while at the same time getting involved in Lister and

raising money for an awesome cause. The wolfpack can be any number of people – sometimes the wolf-pack is as many as an entire floor out to support each other. No matter how much money they raise for the brave few members of the pack who are auctioning themselves off, they’ll be sure to go out and have a great time together afterwards. (Note: Calling them the wolfpack does not imply in any way that anyone is getting roofied.)

4. The Walter and Jessie. They will not actually be participating in the Love Auc-tion. They realized much later than the rest of the world that Breaking Bad is one of the greatest things to ever be put on TV, and since starting their Netflix binge, they haven’t left their rooms.

5. The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.On the stage, strutting their stuff… and bidding on themselves. This would be one for the books.

6. The Ball and Chain. This is what happens when your significant other is participating, while you are not. Clearly, you’ve got to put in an effort to buy your partner – but what if there’s another eligible Listerite in the audience with a little more spare change? That’s when things get interesting.

LIVING

LIVING

Harry Potter• “Are you a Tri-Wizard

champion? Because my goblet is on fire.”

• “If you speak to me in Parseltongue, my snake will come out.”

• “Going to bed? Mind if I Slytherin?”

• “The mandrakes aren’t going to be the only ones screaming tonight.”

• “Have you heard of platform nine and three quarters? I can think of something else that’s nine and three quar-ters.”

• “Just call me Luna, because I sure know how to Love-good.”

Lord of the Rings• “I’ll have you for second

breakfast.”• “How would you like to blow

my horn of Gondor?”• “Ae ú-esteliach nad...estelio

han. Estelio amen.” (10 points for getting this!)

• “Are you from the shire? Cause I’d like to show you my bag end...”

Star Trek• “I have been told I have the

cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.”

• “Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on stunning.”

Star Wars• “Let’s get hoth and heavy.”• “You can make my Kessel

run in 12 parsecs.”• “Are you an angel?” (Anoth-

er 10 points for getting this.)• “Are you like Skywalker?

‘Cause I’ll show you whose your daddy.”

Pokémon• “Hello Beautifly, you’re

looking absolutely Goldeen tonight.”

• “If you were a Pokémon, I’D CHOOSE YOU!”

• “You’re so hot, I’m going to need a Burn Heal.”

Pitch Perfect• “I’ll have you shouting aca-

awesome all night long!”• “I’ma riff off all your clothes

tonight!”• “Barden Bellas? More like

the hard-on bellas...”

Twilight• “I sparkle with the lights off,

too.”• “Hey. I’m a vampire hun-

dreds of years old. You’re a high school girl. Let’s fuck.”

pop culture Pick-Up Lines By Arth Rohin Raj Pahwa, Pauline Ovenden-Kamkai, Kate McIntyre, and Sam Anderson

Guys that live together get weird. Not just your regu-lar drunk uncle weird, I’m talking 10k tongue touch, show us your packle, twerk off, standing-69-weird. But really, this is just an outcome of a larger trend that pervades the male Lister population: the Bro-mance. (Ladies, we don’t know if there’s a similar phenomenon; let us know.) You know those guys. They seem to spend every waking hour together, they’re just as likely to be a wingman as they are to cock-block each other, and they’ve probably spent more time spooning than is good for any of them.

Not sure if you’re part of a high calibre bromance? Here are 10 ways to tell, compiled by Lister’s own bromanciers:

1. When one of you gets invited to a party and the other doesn’t, you both go anyway.

2. You go out often enough that one of you can pick up the full bill because the other will get it tomor-row.

3. You’d be comfortable calling them for domes with a girl in the room.

4. You might be willing to shave one another’s pu-bes. 5. You actually talk about the “important” girls to-gether. 6. Clothes are pretty much optional.

7. You’re willing to give up a single room for the night.

8. You just assume you have the same plans.

9. You’ve played D&D together because who gives a fuck. 10. You might be willing to take a bullet for them, but you sure as hell aren’t going to stop them from making a drunken ass of themselves.

you’re in a bromance when...By Aaron Deas and Lucas Sherwin

Who will catch your eye at

love auction?

LOVE AUCTION

Rachael Topp & Savanna LearyHey everyone! My name is Rachael Topp, although those of you who have met me at Champs may know me as Boby. I am from Nova Scotia and love to have a good time; whether it be telling crazy stories, shark hunting at the beach, or at-tempting to play pool at Champs. You may have seen me around Lister wearing pink and hanging out with Savanna. We love to have a good time so bid on us for a date you’ll never forget!

Hi! My name is Savanna Leary and I am a third year on 4S! I am from the Yukon and I love to kayak, hunt, snowmobile, play pool at Champs or just sit back with a Disney movie – if I’m not playing dodgeball or hanging out with Rachael of course! I love Lister and I am excited to meet new friends, help out a charity and go on a date with fun people who like to have fun and are fun to be around! So much fun!

Dana Miller & Rosalyn LeeHey! Just a couple of Henday hooches here, and we’re on the prowl for looooove! We’re both FCs and special Henday butterflies, and considering we aren’t All-Stars, we can shag those balls alright! Travelling is a passion of ours, but only between here and Dukes. We sometimes worry about get-ting wifed, but buy us anyway because we’re great spoon-ers! Lastly, we’re both in Sciences, so you know we have attractive chemistry, we know dat reproductive biology, and we can show you the physics of smanging forces!

<3 Dana & Rosalyn

LOVE AUCTIONSareeta LopezThis sweet, scrumptious chocolate brownie is in her fourth year of studying drama and education together. She lived on 8K for two years, and 8 Schäffer last year as FC. Now, she is happily editing your friendly Lister Lighthouse on 7 Schäffer. She may seem calm and composed when you first see her, but she’s actually the biggest goof, who is always smiling and really, REALLY hates pants. She enjoys drink-ing tea, watching movies, hanging out with her fellow sexy beasts on 7S, and going on late-night McDicks runs. (She also really loves cuddling and shagging multiple kinds of balls.) Her favourite beverages are butterbeer, red wine, and rum – straight from the 26. Ladies and gents, whether you’re up for cuddling on a mattress topped with memory foam or going out for a night of drinks and dancing, this girl’s for you! In fact, if you take her out for a karaoke night, she promises to serenade you! And if you’re wondering how she has that last name… you’ll have to buy her and find out ;) but do it fast – she plans on marrying Spiderman!

Robyn ChrunykI enjoy long walks on the beach, when I can find them not frozen over or the water sitting at that enjoyable zero range. Besides that though, I believe my most charming quality might possibly be my shagging abilities; I shag hard. Tak-ing physical education keeps you in shape, so boys watch out, I’ll take you on, and down, in almost any sport. All that aside, I do have a softer side, I try not to aim for the genital region when throwing in dodgeball—that’s right, I can throw. Not the best I admit but I certainly don’t believe I’m the worst out there. Even though dodgeballs are fun they aren’t my fa-vourite to play with, if you know what I mean........... Get your mind out of the gutter; paint-balling is where I really shine ;).

Jenn Meyer & Kevin LaiI am writing to you on behalf of the Queen of Henday, Jenn Meyer, as her favoured scribe. Milady has taken an interest in the charity event known as the Love Auction, and has gra-ciously allowed me to accompany her. The Queen hails from 8 Henday, and I from 4 Henday. Although we’re both Floor Coordinators, she is well above any title that could be be-stowed upon her. Some facts about the Queen and I are that we both enjoy dodgeball very much, as well as a night on the town. Also, Henday is our love. She’d be thrilled to bestow her company upon the highest bidder at the Love Auction.-SincerelyKevin LaiThe Scribe

LOVE AUCTIONSophie SauvéHello Lister!Fine wine gets better with age, so do I. Like a 12-year old scotch, I was 12 when you were 7. Have you ever seen the romantic Edmonton skyline from the highest floor in Lis-ter? As the FC of 12 Schaff, I can show you the world. Fun fact: The majority of current Listerites were 14 or 15 when I started playing in the LDL. I can take you on a trip down memory lane with some awesome stories of old Lister, fol-lowed by some post-Champs KD and cuddles. Have you ever checked out your older sister’s hot friends? They don’t hold a candle to me. Best step up your game though, boys, a real man is needed to tame this cougar.

Bobby StewartHello, I’m Bobby! I’m an Arts student living on the dungeon floor of Henday Hall. I like almost every genre of music, but I mostly listen to rap. I enjoy playing basketball, but I’m living proof that white men still can’t jump. You can find me at any time of the week at the Decima Robinson Support Centre for Mathematical and Statistical Sciences and at any time during the weekend at Dukes fucking shit up with my MDH squad. I’ve seen almost every movie there is to see, and one of my favorites is Project X. Also, I love the cock more than anyone in MDH history, so hit me up if you agree!

Tessa Milne & Joanne NgoFrom the most precarious floor in Lister comes the lovely duo Tessa and Joanne. Do not underestimate these mild-mannered seemingly innocent deviants. They come from the floor with the alias DANGER MAC, a floor known for its outgoing floormates and unpredictable shenanigans. Tessa, a nursing student, passes her time dodging balls and fight-ing crime. Joanne, on the other hand, majors in human ecol-ogy, and passes her time sewing dresses fit for graduation, and competing in Provincial skills competitions in fashion technology. These dangerous ladies are well spoken and motivated. They’re on the lookout for guys who don’t mind if their date is summoned by the CIA without warning for their next mission. Ask these fiery bombshells on a date, gentle-men, so long as you can take the heat!

LOVE AUCTIONOluseun Adekunle My name is pretty tough to pronounce so Sean is just per-fect. I’m an international student with a lovely sense of hu-mor who would like to laugh at your funny jokes and even most of the downright awful ones. I think I’ll make a great date because I’m simple and down-to-earth. If you think my first name was tough wait till you hear my other middle names. See you at the auction!

Kola Oladimeji & Joey WhyteKola and Joey are second year UofA students in the Faculty of Science and Arts, respectively. We are athletic, sociable, funny, fun-filled and are avid dancers to the hip-hop music. We are the best dates out there because we combine goofi-ness, and sexiness and bring it to you in one perfect pack-age. We would take you to the best place, make sure you have an amazing time and want you to come back and hang out with us. In all seriousness, despite our goofy attitude, we are really sweet gentlemen and we definitely know how to treat the ladies right.

Kevin Walsh & Andrew KennedyHey Lister, wanna get to know Henday’s favourite bottom beavers? We’re Main Henday’s most eligible [roosters], and we’ll do whatever it takes to unzip your…hearts. Whether we’re holding your hands or holding your hair after a good night, we can always promise great company. If you’re ever sad, we promise to give you a neck rub while whispering sweet nothings in your ear until you slowly drift into slumber. We’re that charming. Also, Kevin never wears a shirt and the general consensus is that Henday is better off because of it. Please buy us. Please? Pretty please?

LOVE AUCTIONAlex Lee & Chris CruzHey guys, Chris Cruz and Alex Lee here. We are here to tell you a little bit about us. Our respective mothers have consid-ered us as the classiest gentlemen in all of Lister. Examples of our chivalry include us holding doors open for you, pulling out chairs for you, carrying you if you’re tired, and singing to you as you eat. Some interesting facts about us: We both have the ability to drink a teamer and forget everything that occurred during that night. As RAs we have the knowledge, skills, and techniques, to keep you safe in any situation. We will be on call, for you. We both enjoy throwing dodgeballs, occasionally hitting the back wall. We enjoy sensual walks to the mar, and sharing Booster Juices while watching dodge-ball. If you decide to buy us, we will promise you the time of your life.

Adam Espiritu & Ross MacKinnonWhaddup Lister. Our names are Adam and Ross from 3 and 6 Schäffer. You may have seen us around the Tuckey, Champs, or in your dreams. We’re just two guys who like having fun. Our interests include, dodging, ducking, dipping, diving, and dodging. Our favourite activities are the 10K Tongue Touch, canoodling, The No-Pants-Champs-Dance, and being #betterthanoursiblings. So you know if you’re looking for a good time you should look no further, seriously stop looking at other candidates you don’t need them you have us. Just try not to fall in love. ;)

Gordon C. BrownI’m the guitar-playing foreigner you’ve always wanted to meet! Majoring in Org. Chemistry + minoring in love scienc-es, I would love to test our chemistry.I love good music, good food, good company, the outdoors, adventure, and I am looking forward to exploring what Can-ada has to offer. Come try your luck with the Irish.

LOVE AUCTIONChelsea Holdom &Daisy Ryan-PontOnce upon a time from lands far, far away, two eligible young bachelorettes embarked upon journeys that led them to a tower filled with wonder, also known as Schäffer. Despite being from opposite corners of the globe, Chelsea the Kiwi and Daisy the Brit discovered they made quite the dynamic duo over a teamer at Champs. Two months into their epic adventures they can still regularly be found there holding up the bar, tequila shots in hand, and questionable decisions being made. Daisy has joined the ranks of the cheerlead-ers and dabbles in the art of ukulele playing, while Chelsea the Phys. Ed student is a fan of all forms of physical activity, including, but not limited to jumping out of planes and jump-ing in puddles. They quickly found their place in the King-dom of Lister, and became known amongst their dodgeball comrades as ‘No Pants Party’ and ‘No Shame’. Their quest for a happy ending begins here as they search for a knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and onto their stallions for the ride of their lives. These two young lasses’ Canadian fairy tales will be short lived as they are here for a limited time only, so be sure to snap up this once in a lifetime opportunity while you still have the chance!

Trevor Miller & Kreg KlymykYou probably aren’t prepared for this kind of date, so the faint of heart should stop reading right now. Seriously, a date with us is messy business (you might need to bring a change of clothes). Trevor (or more commonly known as Corpse), is a cuddler, while Kreg here prefers the little spoon, but be-tween us is a space reserved for the most special of people: you people. We are professional amateur wordsmiths, and amateur professional masseuses. We even once brought peace to a land in Asia by teaching them how to love. You might say to yourself “How can I be worthy enough to pur-chase these young dapper lads?” The fact is by purchas-ing us you will reach the next level of Karma and ascend to paradise.

Jelena Macura & Jill KosiorekHey boys, ever heard of 2K? Don’t worry, only a select few have been able to make it through our elusive walls. But you’re in luck, you’ve hit the jackpot being able to bid on these eligible bachelorettes. As the FC and OC on the floor, we enjoy long walks to and from Champs, the occasional shag...on the dodgeball court, and the ritual Mar run. A date with us will make you feel like you’re waking up in Vegas ;).

LOVE AUCTIONSam Anderson &Samantha KondorOh hey there! As you are reading this, you are probably wondering why you would want to buy Sam and Sam, well here is why. Urban Dictionary defines Sam as someone who is indeed the coolest and the greatest person ever. On the other hand, Webster’s dictionary does not define Sam, as it is a proper noun. And proper we are. It might be your only chance to get twice the Sam. If you buy us we can show you the world… Whether it is dinner and a movie, Dukes or Champs, a night on the town or a mattress fort Netflix binge fest that you want to see, we can get you there. So As Many Super Amazing Marvelous Situations As Most Students Are Missing, Sams can get you them. In order words: Sam Sam Sam Sam Sams can get you them. So please, please buy us.

Taylor Marriott &Alia MclureHello Lister,Look at our picture, now look at yourself, now look at our picture, and back at yourself, you couldn’t look away could you? Sadly you aren’t us. And you can’t be, but you can date us. And here is why you want to:Alia knocked out her front teeth on a waterslide. Taylor once had a bird shit in her mouth while talking to her Grandmoth-er. Alia had a turtle named Brian that she thinks ran away…While in Mexico Taylor was almost strangled by a female monkey. Probably because she was jealous of her good looks. Alia and Taylor are both student leaders on 2 Mac. They are pretty much gods in the first world. In the last year Alia collected over ten Knoxvilles t-shirts and three trucker hats. During finals last year when Taylor’s hamster died, her mom put it in the freezer so she could be there to bury him…he’s still there. Next to the frozen T-bones. Alia won provin-cials for volleyball in grade twelve. Taylor won a baseball pitching competition in grade one. She was the only one in her category. Alia and Taylor’s body muscle distribution keeps them warm in the winter. Alia’s eyes are bluey-green, like a warm ocean oasis. Taylor’s are brown. Like shit. Alia laughs at her own jokes. Sometimes while Taylor is laugh-ing, people mistake it for her dying and rush to her side. Alia and Taylor both sweat flowers, because they are ladies. Sometimes when they try and curse, all that comes out is air. Because they don’t curse. They are ladies. Taylor got stuck in the middle of the world’s longest zip line. Alia has never done anything exciting in her life. But she is looking to. Are you exciting? Finally look up in front of you. What is that? That’s the opportunity to date the two most interesting women in the world.

LOVE AUCTIONScott Veronelly &Jean-Luc VandistWith JL and Scott, you get a little bit of heaven and a little bit of hell. Jean-Luc is a four-time Olympian, specializing in “being beautiful.” He also competes in events such as “being a nice guy” and “destroying at Catan.” He has got the brains. He has got brawn. Now he just needs your money. Scott is a two-time world champ in “picking you up when you’re down” and three-time champ in “being fun”. He is also known for being the best Snapchatter in Lister. These two huggable hunks are game for anything, just make sure you ask first ;). They love dodgeball, Game of Thrones and cuddling so get ready for one hell of a night. We are tonnes of fun, so buy us November 20th, if you do you will find JL’s abs are not a myth. I will leave you with a haiku:

Buy Jean-Luc and ScottPlease ladies, don’t be scaredNow chant, “let’s get weird.”

Davis Jeffrey Hey, all you bombshells and babes, you make my pants wanna dance. Want to learn an easy way to get a 6-pack? Look no farther than a secluded yet spacious corner room in Schäffer Hall. 95s, I’ll even hold the door to let you into the tower. My love dungeon includes color-changing, pulsating LED mood lighting system and seven inches that you’ll nev-er forget. And it will never forget you, because it’s a memory foam mattress. I’ve even got my hands on a coffee machine, and I know how to cook eggs, whether they’re friend or fer-tilized.P.S. As a member of Schäffer Hall Council, you know I’ll bring my A game.P.P.S. By the end of the year, I need to slay the beav in Hen-day so I can wear my Skulk Shirt with pride. I might even silkscreen a Viking helmet on the top beaver. Any takers?

Erica BlewettHey everybody!My name’s Erica and I live in Henday. I’m a first year Lin-guistics student (yeah, Arts!) and I eventually want to live in Asia. I’m shy when I first meet people, but get to know me and shit can get crazy. Oh, and I’m a nerd, come prepared for multiple Harry Potter and Doctor Who references.

LOVE AUCTIONJack Tuza & Talha SajjadHello ladies and gentlemen, if you are searching for a night filled with joyous entertainment look no further. Here is just a few of the many reasons to let us take you out. Firstly, chivalry has been coined as dead, but we’ve brought it back to life meaning we’ll take care of you, however you so de-sire. Secondly, we’ve also got Lister experience down to a T, with a combined two years in Kelsey, two years in Macken-zie, and still going strong with One Mac. Thirdly, our warm personalities, and bodies, can keep you warm during every cold winter night. Lastly, you can usually find us engaged in a gentlemanly game of pool, as we’ve got great cues and know how to use ‘em. Come buy us at the LOVE auction and you may discover our many hidden pleasures.

Jonathan Tindall &Paul Senegas-LoweHi everyone, we are the dream team of 3 Schäffer. We are a pair of suave gentlemen who steal hearts of ladies with just a single glance. Over the last four years, we have mastered all the tricks in the book when it comes to the ladies. Nothing surprises us and we are ready for anything. We will provide all the mustache rides and twerking your heart could pos-sibly desire. After all, nothing says love like facial hair and ass. We two bearded gentlemen are the dream of any Lister lady. We know we’ve been depriving Lister of our bodies, and we think it’s time to make them available for a good cause. We’ve captured the hearts of all the 3 Schäffer cuties and its time we turn our sights on the rest of Lister. Help us expand our horizons to all the fabulous Lister ladies.

Cody LichHey sexy, didn’t see you there. My name is Cody Lich and I like catz...Oh and I’m currently the FC on the delightful 3 Mac. I am a man of simple tastes and looking for a nice lady to sweep me off my feet. Some of my simple enjoyments are the brisk fall air as it brushes my skin when I stumble home from Duke’s or that dim light in Champs that makes everyone look that much more attractive. I am currently in my second year of engineering. This means that I obviously live by the motto, work hard, play harder, and dodgeball is everything. Well that last part is more the Listerite in me than the engineer but you get my point. If you are ever bored or curious who that good looking guy is on 3 mac, swing down to the Tuckey during one of my games and watch me sit in my net.

LOVE AUCTIONDavid Feng &Quinn WilkieHi friends, we are two lower Mackenzie boys livin’ the Lister life. I’m Quinn Wilkie, an OC from 4M and dodgeball cap-tain! I’m David Feng (Baby Feng), and I’m currently the best looking guy on 3M (Cody is a close second). We both love sports and participating in many activities (from dodgeball to the bedroom, we are decent at both). From the moment we moved into Lister last year, we have continually become more and more obsessed with the sport of dodgeball (mostly David). We really like to throw dem balls at people’s faces. We eat, we sleep, we study, and we play dodgeball. We were honored to be tutored by the legendary first year sensation Garrett Bowman last year….. He has a girlfriend….. But we don’t yet! So come buy us, we like friends. And dodgeball!

Arjun KalburgiI am a first year engineering student and also quite the Google fanatic. I have both a t-shirt and a toque with Goog-le’s branding on it. Speaking of my wardrobe, I like to go for the comfortable but moderately good looking clothes which really just means that I’m the kid that will wear stripes on stripes or brown on brown just because I feel like it. That brown on brown part refers to the fact that I have brown skin and in grade 9, I sewed a giant brown sweater which is super comfy and has a gigantic hood that makes that makes me feel like a sith lord. I rock it!When I moved here for BaseCamp, I was overwhelmed with how many new people I would get the chance to meet over the course of the year. There would be people to play and talk basketball with me, people to watch romantic Bollywood movies with me, people to go clubbing with, people to go crazy over Android and Google updates and conferences with and of course this list can go on forever. And though I’ve already met amazing individuals that keep me more that entertained, I’m addicted. I want to keep socializing.

May I forever be a service to you all,

Arjun S. Kalburgi

LOVE AUCTIONRishi Barnwal & Nick WagnerHello! We are Rishi and Nick. Rishi has a huge knack for computers and is majoring in computing science, while Nick is majoring in BARST (if you want to know what that stands for you’re gonna have to win us). We’re both heavily addict-ed to anime and various other nerdy activities. Although, Ri-shi is admittedly a bit nerdier (I game. A lot. Like, so much). However, Nick has seen much more anime. Our nerdy sides aside, we are not without sporting interests. Rishi has been practicing Tae Kwon Do for over 7 years, watches a few mo-tor sports, and is a major fan of the Olympics. Nick played a variety of sports in high school, such as soccer, volleyball, badminton, and much more. Our favourite activities include watching TV and playing games up until the wee hours of the morning, and of course, like most university students we like to get a little liquored. We love our quiet, simple dates but at the same time, we are not afraid of a little adventure. If you want to know more about us, throw us a few bucks at the auction. It’s for a good cause. All things considered, we are two of the sweetest guys that you’ll meet. We’re like white and brown sugar!

Devon EdmundsI’m a born and raised country boy (not on a farm but never in a city) from Cold Lake, Alberta. I enjoy a relaxed, even spontaneous, night out full of laughter. I love meeting new people, seeing new places and trying new experiences. Conversation is key to me, as I could talk for hours yet never letting it get too dry. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, who will admit to having enjoyed a number of Nicholas Sparks movies. Though my soft side doesn’t end there! I was raised around cats, dogs, horses, chickens and even turtles, so I have a strong affinity for animals. If you are looking for a gentleman with big strong arms, I might just be your man!

Chad DieBoldHello There! My name is Chad DieBold, but they call me Chaddicus up here on Tenday! I am a man of simple tastes, living here in Lister Centre for my second year. I currently study Linguistics and German Language and Culture here at the U of A. I am a lover of classical music (preferably De-bussy), loose leaf tea (preferably David’s Tea), stimulating conversation, and of course delicious German beer. In my spare time, I like to ride the train or bus, drink my tea, pon-der about life’s mysteries, collect dictionaries, and naturally, I am a fan of a good Canadian ice hockey game. I’m a world traveler, spinner of tales, and an all-around good guy. I’m just a classy guy looking for an elegant lady. Oh, and did I mention I’m also a part time chimney sweep?

LOVE AUCTIONJourdan Labonte &Chris ShamatutuHey laaaaaadddddiiieeeeesss, we are RA’s Chris and Bon-te—that’s RA for Real Animals ;). As we are both solid 2/10’s on a good day, and spitting images of each other, we are constantly mistaken for brothers. We are trained to go hard all night, and we know how to do some restorative discipline on you if you’re being a bad girl. We are always always on-call, so we can be in your room in less than a minute…but we promise we’ll last longer than that. As biochem and en-gineering students, we are looking for someone who shares our pastime activities like crying about midterms, evaluating the exponential growth…of our natural logs, awkwardly star-ing at each other, trying to talk to women, and grating the oc-casional post workout cheese on each other’s abs. So if you want some calf day skipping gentlemen who don’t even lift, and some BBC (Beautiful Bonte & Chris) action, come get sum and let us be the DNA helicase to your genes. We’re working very hard to be like Adenine and get paired with U <3.

Kiana Woo &Pauline Ovenden-Kamkai Kiana Woo (fun to say) and Pauline Ovenden-Kamkai (yeah a mouthful) are two lovely bachelorettes (sort of, see Alan for more details) of Kelsey and Schäffer. We’re looking for love not Strokes, but that’s why we’re here, to help give money to the Heart and Stroke Foundation. We are two fantastic fun-loving FC’s and when we walk through Lister, heads are guaranteed to turn. And hey, five plus five is ten ;). We thought it was time to share this treasure with all of Lister. We are the best combination of Schäffer experience and Classic innocence to make any date exciting. You’ll be in for a real thrill with us on your arm for a night. So come at us Lister, we’re waiting for you.

Oluwaseun Awotodunbo & Dominic IgbelinaSeun and Dominic, commonly referred to as the “Dream Team”, are two classy, outgoing and studious gentlemen with the capability to love unconditionally. When not in our respective rooms studying, we can be spotted patrolling the Lister vicinity in our onesies, wooing the ladies of Cameron library or turning up at the Old Strathcona Rack AKA “Rack City”. We are the perfect blend of seriousness and playful-ness. Ladies, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity at a date with two of the finest chocolate men that Lister has to offer. Need we say more?

LOVE AUCTIONAnnamarie Sikora &Kelsey Neale If you don’t already know Anna and Kelsey then you should definitely get to know them! Anna and Kelsey live by the mantra “let’s get weird”. They can often be found dancing at Knoxvilles or at Champs (even though they’re from Henday and should be at Dukes). Kelsey is a second year nursing student who loves listening to “Touch Myself” by Divinyls on repeat. She’s one of the kindest and funniest girls that you will ever meet. Anna is well versed in History and English, and likes to drink wine… straight from the bottle (she’s not THAT classy). Anna is a wild child, and she’s been known to crack sexual jokes that are worth a good laugh. Basically, if you’re looking to have a crazy night with two hot señoritas then these are the girls for you! They’re never awkward, al-ways fun, and your money will definitely be worth it!

Daniel Kwon &Zeshan NuraniHello Lister, we are Zeshan Nurani (FC 6S) and Daniel Kwon (FC 1/2S) of Schäffer Hall! We are a classy couple, like real classy. We love to suit up and go to business/engineer-ing meetings; we work hard and make that skrill. We may look professional but after a couple drinks…we get pretty messy…in a good way! #thinkaboutit. Both of us like to take risks; we do things like sky-diving, racing cars, and shower-ing in the bathroom tubs in classic. We LOVE to try new things whether it to be food, sports, S&M, or oculolinctus #thinkaboutit. Why would you choose us? Well in a clinical study recently conducted at the U of A with 3 people, whom two of us were part of, we received a referral rate of 66% for back massages. Cause we know you are going to buy us, we ask you not to judge our performance on the first night. It’s not about the size; it’s about the personality.

Megan ChambersDon’t let this fourth year Listerite fool you. Despite being the Vice President Finance and Administration for the Lister Hal Students’ Association, this girl is not just all about counting money, balancing budgets and making it rain. Residing in Dungeon Mackenzie, her interests include tearing it up on the dodgeball court with her 1Mac beauties, making herself intricate meals or heading out to the bar to go two-stepping. A die-hard flames fan through and through, Megan enjoys watching the game from the TV, the bar or live whenever she can. She may have been around for a few years but that only means she has the experience to make sure you have a good time!

LOVE AUCTIONDavid SempleYou may have seen me around Base Camp in a suit during the first week but that’s just because I hadn’t done laun-dry, but I promise I’ll be wearing clean clothes during LOVE Auction (underwear will be a game time decision based on availability). A little bit more about me though, I’m a third year student and Listerite, I was the FC of 4 Kelsey last year and the LHSA’s VP A+A this year, and I was not a Kelsey All-Star. I live on 5S this year, so no Dungeon Mac germs for me. I love to play golf, hockey, and love to hang out with some amazing Listerites. If you are somehow interested in hanging out with me for a night, let me sweeten the deal, for whatever price I get auctioned for, I will pay half of the total. So get raising Lister, and help me raise some money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation!

Lana Harty &Aphra Sutherland Hey! My name is Lana Harty. I grew up in Lloydminster, a town just on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan. My favourite activities are travelling, playing sports, watching sports and pretty much anything that involves being out-doors. I’m always up for a good adventure. On weekends, I enjoy being outside during the day, and during the night, I love to go out on the town with my friends! I am fluent in Spanish because I did an exchange abroad in Argentina for one year. I am outgoing and always willing to something new and try new things. I am a Sociology major and live on 10 Mac with the other half of my dynamic duo, Aphra!

Hi! My name is Aphra Sutherland. I’ve lived in Calgary most of my life, until I moved here this fall. I started dancing when I was three years old and have been dancing ever since. I’ve done a lot of ballet but have also enjoyed modern, jazz, African, character and Zumba. I also play the piano as well as the guitar. In the summers, I work at Camp Chief Hector in Kananaskis. My favourite activities are canoeing and out-tripping. I am an English major and live on 10 Mac with the fantastic Lana Harty!

Courtney GillisHeellloooooo!! My name is Courtney Gillis and I am your Vice President Public Relations for the LHSA! This is my fourth year in Lister and I am quite excited to be getting auc-tioned off next week. One thing you should know about me: cute little baby pigs are my favorite things in the whole world. They are the greatest animals on the whole planet. I hope to see you all at Love Auction, please buy me! :)

LOVE AUCTIONLaurin Hartley, Emma Saretsky, Robyn Fenske, Courtney Webb & Emma RussellWell hello there Lister! Don’t be intimidated by these five big booty babes, we love a good time and friends! Courtney and Emma R are a fun sized dynamic duo who have this crazy soulmate connection even though they now reside in differ-ent towers, while Laurin, Emma S, and Robyn are a lovely trio who prefer cowboy boots to heels and jean jackets to blazers. Courtney is a second year double major in political science and sociology who owns more pairs of shoes than you would think possible. Emma R is a second year fricken nurse and her three favourite colours are pink, sparkly, and leopard print. Laurin is a second year business student who likes to brush her teeth everywhere except the bathroom. Emma S is a second year political science student who has an outdated obsession for scrunchies. Mama Rob is a fifth year math major whose life long goal is to become a crazy cat lady. Our young spirits brought the five of us together last year on Ten Mackenzie along with many crazy dance nights. If you are ever wondering why Champs is less of a sports bar and more of a dance club, you can blame the five of us along with some of our alum. Emma R resides on 7 Schäffer but is still a Mackenzie girl at heart. Courtney, Lau-rin, and Emma S are the FCs of Ten, Ranger, and Danger and along with the rest of MHC are led by Mama Rob the VP Mackenzie. Once this quintet with their Ten Mackenzie origins put on their cowboy boots or sparkly heels, you are in for a good time!

Sam Wright I was birthed a couple decades ago, and since then I have become potty trained and started eating solid foods. Af-ter High School, I went sailing around the Atlantic for half a year, although throughout the entire time I didn’t catch a single fish. Conversely, no fish caught me, so I think I came out pretty even. Eventually, I made my way to Lister to fol-low in the footsteps of my brother, father, and uncle. Placed on 4 Mackenzie, I found my niche among the beautiful halls of Lister. I returned the following year as FC, and since 4 Mac didn’t burn down while I lived there, I’d call that a suc-cess. This year I returned as President, have committed to doing my laundry regularly, and have the biggest room in Lister (…ladies). Oh! Also, I have a moustache. If you aren’t convinced yet, I’m also 1 Mac’s third Double Doctor, so you could say I’m kind of a big deal. Worst comes to worst, it probably won’t kill you to buy me, unless you’re allergic to facial hair. Or peanuts. No guarantees.

It’s simple! At the end of November, send in a picture of you before and after you grow that manly piece of facial hair to cchong@ualberta.ca. We’ll take your picture and post it on our Facebook page for people to vote on. If you win, we’ll feature you on the first cover of 2014, and you get a prize!

Good luck, and don’t forget to donate towards prostate cancer research online at ca.movember.com.

important dates and announcements!

CAMPUS & EVENTS

One Simple Act Sustainability Commitment Challenge

Campus Musical Auditions

Kelsey Olympics

Halfway There Award nominations duePet Therapy 7-10pm

Campus Cup player registration deadline, 5pm

Spy vs Spy (Mackenzie)

LOVE Auction

Withdrawal Deadline – receive a W on your transcript

Nov. 4-17

Nov. 13-22

Nov. 15-17

Nov. 17

Nov. 18

Nov. 18-22

Nov. 20

Nov. 27

AnnouncementsOne Simple Act On-Campus Commitment Challenge (Sustainability):

- ask your FC!- floor with highest participation wins a Wii

- tower with highest participation wins a pizza party

Academics:Halfway There Awards – nominate for awards, no banquet this year

Internal:700 Halloween candy grams sold!

Catan Tourney coming soon!

PR:Love Auction is coming up on November 20th.

Cupcake sales will be happening on Monday the 18th & Tuesday the 19th!

The Co-Ed Lounge has been renamed to the Lister Commons!

Campus Musical Auditions for “The Producers”!Nov. 13 & 15 3-5PMNov. 21 & 22 2-5PM

E-mail bcalvert@ualberta.ca to book your audition.

editorial mastheadissue 6 the lovehouse

editor-in-chiefCara Chong @CChongcchong@ualberta.ca

section editorSareeta Lopezsareeta@ualberta.ca

PhotographySarah DunnetAidan WareJason Yuen

+ a special thanks to the lhsasee you in two weeks!

MandatoriesArth Pahwa

Sam AndersonLucas Sherwin

Kiana WooAaron Deas

Pauline Ovenden-Kamkai

Committee Contributors

Kate McIntyre

Thank you to our sponsors:

the WinspearCity of Edmonton

Cora’sMatt McKnightBackside Tours

Student’s UnionCactus ClubLaser Quest

David SempleMegan Chambers

Questions? concerns? just wanna say hi? contact us:FacebooK

facebook.com/listerlighthouse

Twitter

@LHSAlighthouse

keep tweeting those n+1s

#nplus1s

website

lighthouse.lhsa.ca