Life Without a Centre by Jeff Foster

7/27/2019 Life Without a Centre by Jeff Foster

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J F graduated in Astrophysics from CambridgeUniversity in 2001. Several years after graduation, he

became addicted to the idea of spiritual enlightenment,and embarked on an intensive spiritual search whichlasted for several years. e spiritual search came toan absolute end with the clear seeing that there is onlyever Oneness. In the clarity of this seeing, life becamewhat it always was: spontaneous, clear, joyful and fully

alive. Jeff now holds meetings and retreats in the UK andEurope, clearly and directly pointing to the frustrationssurrounding the spiritual search, to the nature of mind,and to the Clarity at the heart of everything.


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Also by Jeff Foster:

Beyond Awakening

e Revelation of Oneness


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LIFEWITHOUTA CENTRE

Awakening from

the Dream of Separation

J F

2nd edition revised

non-duality press


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First published December 2006 by N-D P

Second revised edition published July 2008

Jeff Foster 2006 & 2008

Jeff Foster has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and

Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as author of this work.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or

by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in

writing from the Publishers.

Typeset in Warnock Pro 11/13.5

Non-Duality Press, Salisbury, SP2 8JP.

United Kingdom

ISBN 978-0-9553999-0-9

www.non-dualitybooks.com


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Having a centre is the very essence of sorrow.e centre creates the tomorrow.

J. Krishnamurti

Not knowing how near the truth is,

We seek it far away, what a pity!We are like one who, in the midst of water,Cries out desperately in thirst.

Hakuin


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Contents

Preface to the Revised Edition ixIntroduction 1

About is Book 5

P O Liberation: Here and Now 9

Dialogues I 43

P T Realising eres Nobody Home 65

Dialogues II 87

P T Life Without a Centre 107


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Preface to the Revised Edition

ere is no language of the holy.

e sacred lies in the ordinary.

Deng Ming-Dao

This is no ordinary book on spirituality. Its mes-sage is gentle yet revolutionary, simple yet radical,challenging yet compassionate. Its aim is to reveal theextraordinary in the ordinary, to uncover the spiritual inthe material, to point to the freedom and enlightenmentthat lie in wait, always, right the midst of life, a life which

is finally seen to have no solid, suffering, separate per-son at its centre. is book will challenge your notionsof spirituality. It will question the idea that there is, infact, anything in the world separate from anything else,that there is somehow a me separate from you, thatthe world of spiritual enlightenment is not already here,that the Kingdom of Heaven lies beyond, that Oneness is

somewhere out there.

And so this book is really about the end of the spiritualsearch: the end of seeking, the end of striving, the endof suffering, the end of the idea that you are a little per-son in a big world, somehow separate from the Whole.And, as we shall see, when the minds endless search forsomething more falls away, there can be a gentle explo-sion into something far more powerful, far more joyful,and far simpler than anything we were promised by theteachings of the world.


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Weve all experienced it: the falling away of everything.It can happen anywhere, at any time: perhaps during a

walk through a park, or upon seeing the face of a new-born baby, or whilst embracing a loved one. All past andfuture fall away, all ideas of a future attainment, a futurehappiness, a future something simply dissolve intoan open space which embraces everything. And in thatfalling away, there is a simple joy, a freedom without aname, an absence which is really a perfect presence. In

that space which opens up, past and future, and you andyour entire life story, and indeed the world in its entiretyare nothing more than wonderful memories.

It is the falling away of the self, the little you at the cen-tre of your life, and it feels like freedom. A freedom right

in the midst of life, a freedom at the heart of suffering.And this freedom is so simple, so obvious, so present,that the mind could only ever ignore it. To the mind,these moments of freedom are without value. To you,they are everything.

And of course, this is where words may begin to seem

very paradoxical and confusing. But dont worry: themessage ofLife Without A Centre is not contained inthe words at all. Its hinted at in the words, to be sure,but the real heart of this message pulsates in the energybehind the words, in a resonance that becomes so utterlyobvious when the endless seeking of the mind collapses.It is not a communication from me to you, froma separate person to a separate person, but a sharingfrom Spirit to Spirit, from Openness to Openness, fromClarity to Clarity.


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is is a journey into your own absence. And to theseeking mind, a book about absence has no value. Yousee, the mind always wants something more some newcontent, some new idea or belief system, something tochew on. It hunts around the world, feeding itself, mak-ing itself fatter. And whether its a search for happiness,or permanent pleasure, or eternal peace, or spiritualenlightenment, its still a search, and a search alwaysimplies that something has been lost, that somethinghere is not quite right. No wonder we are always left feel-ing unsatisfied, discontented, incomplete.

is book will not exacerbate the problem and give food

to an already bloated ego. Like a Zen koan, it will not addany content, provide any new concepts or beliefs withwhich the ego can bolster itself, make itself stronger.And this refusal to provide something for me to do canbe very frustrating for a mind seeking something tochew on. But in that frustration, a new possibility mayshine through. And its a possibility that has nothing to

do with any sort of future attainment. Its the possibilitythat you are.

Since the initial publication of this book over a year

ago, I have received many emails and phone calls fromreaders all over the world. Whilst the reaction has beenoverwhelmingly positive, occasionally there has beenannoyance, frustration, and even anger.


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e main argument that I hear is that this book makes itall seem too simple. at Im a teacher without a teach-

ing. at Im advocating doing nothing. at Im claim-ing that this moment is perfect, the world is perfect,everything is perfect and we should all just relax, put ourfeet up and crack open a beer. at wars and genocidesand global warming dont really matter because its all anillusion of mind. And I would answer: look again.

Another argument is that Im too young, that I haventexperienced enough of life, that yes, Ive had some sortof spiritual experience but its all gone to my head. And Iwould only say this: look again.

Another argument: that Im claiming that all spiritual

practices and methods are a waste of time. My good-ness, no. ey are all wonderful, all utterly appropriate.But perhaps there will come a time when all practices,all rituals, all methods directed towards a future goal nolonger satisfy. Perhaps all of our doing only ever leadsto more doing. And perhaps there is something beyondall doing, something and its not really a thing

that is more wonderful than any doing could ever be.Perhaps. And this book is about nothing less than thatpossibility, the Possibility of all possibilities.

You think this book is about just giving up your spiritualpractices? Well, look again

When there is a readiness to hear this message, there is areadiness to hear this message, and nobody can tell youwhen that will happen. But there is a perfect unfolding toall of this, and everything happens exactly when it needs


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to, and I dont ever expect anyone to be ready before theyare ready. And if they are never ready, then wonderful,

thats exactly whats supposed to happen too. Everythingexists in perfect harmony with everything else, and thatincludes the whole spiritual search, the endless seekingof the mind, and perhaps, finally, the falling away of thatseeking, and an effortless resting with what is. You canttaste an orange until you taste an orange. You cant eat ameal by studying the menu.Life Without A Centre is not

about intellectual understanding, but a resonance thathits you when it hits you. And when it hits you, there isno longer a you to be hit. Not the you of the mind,anyway

is book was originally published in a very raw form.It had been compiled from writings made in the yearsfollowing what some might call spiritual awakening.Since then, the way in which this message expressesitself has evolved (an evolution which later gave riseto another book, Beyond Awakening: e End of the

Spiritual Search). However, this first book gives a fas-cinating glimpse into the experience and expression ofthose early, dramatic days. It is a record of how the clar-ity began to seep into my world. Back then, it was all sonew and exciting, and the expression in Life Without ACentre reflects that early sense of explosive energy, barelycontainable joy and shimmering aliveness.

ese days, the drama of it all has died down, but it stillgoes on: gently, sweetly, lovingly, innocently, alwaysthere in the background, whispering so very softly that


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everything is okay, everything is always okay. And whata perfect play it has all been, and still is: the seeking,

the suffering, the drama of it all, and the falling away,the collapse into presence, into the clarity that revealsitself in and as the utterly ordinary things of life. Andnone of this has anything to do with a Jeff Foster. Oh yes,thats the grand cosmic joke here: its nothing to do withme. And everything to do with, well, everything. is isabout Life expressing itself, not the experiences or beliefs

of an individual called Jeff Foster.

In this revised edition of the book, the text has beentidied up and changes have been made to improve theclarity of the writing. But remember, when all is said anddone, its not about the words, however clear they are or

are not. e words are just pointers to something whichcan never really be spoken of. e real message is in theenergy, the resonance, the aliveness in which the wordsarise. And thats not something that the intellect couldever grasp. Nor does it ever need to.

is is a book about the innocence that you really are,

beyond all the seeking and suffering of the mind, beyondyour life story, beyond time and space itself. It points toyour true nature.

Jeff FosterBrighton, UK

February 2008


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Introduction

This is all there is, although in a thousand differentways we spend our lives searching for somethingmore.

And what is this?

Present sights, present sounds, present smells, presentthoughts. Present memories of the past, present ideas ofwhat the future may hold. Present desire for a permanentend to problems, for permanent pleasure, for permanenthappiness. Present ideas of myself, my achievements and

failures, my difficult life and all its problems. Presentbreathing, present beating of the heart, present gas billspiled up on the kitchen table, present miaowing of thecat, present screaming of children out in the street,present pain in the chest, present longing for somethingmore than this, present feeling of frustration at just not

getting it, present desire to be free from it all, forever.

Watch a child at play. For them, it seems, this life is agreat game, a giant playground where everything fasci-nates, and there seems to be little desire to escape fromlife and all its problems, to move into some higher ormore spiritual dimension. As adults, however, we seemto spend a lot of time trying to escape from the play oflife and all the suffering that being a person-in-the-worldinevitably entails. Drink, drugs, sex, money and medita-tion are common means of escape.


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And, of course, there is much traditional and contem-porary spirituality which is more than happy to cater to

the same desire. However, in catering to this desire, theidea that there is, in fact, an individual who could escapefrom suffering in the first place, or indeed do anything atall, is inevitably reinforced.

In this book, the possibility is suggested that there is onlyever the present appearance of life, with no individual at

its core who could ever escape even if they wanted to.Indeed, the individual is merely another appearance inthe play, not something that needs to be accepted orrejected, transcended or denied, but something thatsimply appears, along with all the other sights, sounds,smells, thoughts and feelings.

is message is so simple, so obvious. e individual(the seeker, the sufferer, the candlestick maker) simplyappears as another part of the play of life. And with itmay arise the desire to escape from life, but that too ismerely another appearance, another part of the narra-tive.

And all of this is absolutely fine. None of it needs to beaccepted or rejected, transcended or denied. Sufferingis fine, seeking some sort of spiritual enlightenment orliberation is fine, precisely because there is nobody therein the first place. A person at the centre of it all is justanother appearance, another belief, another part of thestory.

But dont misunderstand me, Im not saying that weshould get rid of our beliefs. Beliefs are fine, and the need


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for the destruction or transcendence of beliefs would justbe another belief anyway. And so, this book will not offer

the individual that is, you any new beliefs, nor will itattempt to destroy any present ones.Nothingever needsto be denied or rejected for liberation to be, because inthis moment, as life plays out, there is always alreadyliberation, and anything we do to achieve liberation issimply misguided, but nonetheless perfectly acceptable.

Already nobody is running this show, already nobody issuffering and already nobody longs to be free. ere issimply the present appearance of it all. Simply this, andnothing more. Its so simple, so obvious.

e heart beats, and you are not doing it.

Breathing happens, and you are not doing it.

Sounds in the room happen, and you are not doing them.

Pain arises, and you are not causing it. Joy happens, andyou have no choice. e sun rises and sets, flowers grow

and wither and die, seasons change in the blink of an eye,and you are not in charge of this dream world. e playof opposites plays itself out, and there is an undetectableSilence that continuously embraces it all, allowing every-thing to arise exactly as it is.

And the entire world arises in this open space, in thisvastness which is utterly free from separateness andsolidity, but which embraces separateness and soliditylike a mother embraces a newborn baby.


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e secret is there in your heartbeat, in your breathing,in the sights and sounds and smells manifesting them-

selves exactly where you are, right now.

The secret is here. Do you see?

And not even the recognition or intellectual understand-

ing of any of the above is necessary for liberation, as sooften we are told by the spiritual teachers. None of thesewords need to be understood. ere is nothing to get,nothing to transcend, nothing to be achieved. Lack ofunderstanding, lack of getting it, lack of achievement:these are yet more present appearances in the play of

life, no worse nor better than their opposites. And allopposites unravel in this.

Beyond belief or lack of it, beyond anything that wordscould ever state, beyond all beyonds, there is always this,now and forever.


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About This Book

This book was written over a two year period, as thedesperate search for an escape from life began to beseen through. e seeing-through was sometimes dra-matic, sometimes subtle, and always hard to talk aboutwithout sounding like a complete self-contradiction.

Here are some points to bear in mind as you read.

In this book, no methods are laid out, no Path to SelfRealisation is set forth. ere is no Seven Step Plan toHappiness, no Twenty Days To A More Enlightened You.

If things were that easy, wouldnt the mind have endedits search by now?

ere is no logical progression in this book. Nothingfollows on from anything else, and the text is riddledwith paradoxes and contradictions. And this can be veryfrustrating for a mind hooked on logic, rationality and

intellectual understanding. But as I will point out overand over again, this message is not to be understoodon an intellectual level. e writing consistently pointsback to the simplest but most profound truth: is is allthere is. is constant reminding of the utterly obviouswill not be of any help to you, the individual, but as themessage begins to permeate (for want of a better word)and as the apparent existence of the separate individualis seen through, an ease and an equanimity may berevealed. And this ease and equanimity, well, its yournatural state.


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is book will not help you, if you are looking to behelped. But perhaps, in spite of this book, there will

be a seeing through of the need to be helped. Perhapsthere will be a seeing through of the search for spiritualenlightenment, the search for Nirvana, the search forpeace, the search for liberation and awakening. Or per-haps there wont be any seeing through of the search,and that is fine too. Everything that happens is absolutelyappropriate, because in the final analysis, you are not in

control of any of it. But more of that later.

Read this book slowly. Its words are meditations, notideas for you to chew on intellectually. Let the wordspenetrate, percolate, permeate. Take your time. Enjoythe spaces between the words. Pause occasionally to look

around you. If you find yourself rushing through thebook, ask yourself why. What do you want from it? Whatdo you hope to get? What are you waiting for? Are youwaiting for something to click, for some sort of intellec-tual understanding? For some sort of spiritual enlighten-ment to descend upon you in a flash of lightning?

Virtually every sentence in this book is pointing back tothe same thing, a thing which isnt really a thing at all.And if you dont get it from the first page of the book, youwont get it at all. Because really theres nothing to get.But as long as there is the belief that there is somethingto get, there will appear to be something to get. Get it?

Yes, what were talking about here is really as simple asdoing the dishes, as obvious as the sound of the rainfalling on the roof, as ordinary as going to the toilet. Itsso simple, obvious and ordinary, in fact, that its nearly


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always overlooked. And when this simplicity is seen,there can be much laughter.

e three sections of this book represent three aspectsof liberation. Part One reflects the utter simplicity andobviousness of liberation: it is this, here, now no attain-ment necessary. Part Two contains expressions of the

undeniable sense of freedom and release that may arise asthe existence of the apparent individual is seen through.Part ree reflects the way in which liberation seeminglypermeates the apparent life story of the individual. Asseeking subsides, certain aspects of life are seen in newways. It is not a rejection of the life story, but a seeing

through of its apparent solidity. Additionally, there aretwo sections of dialogues about the search for liberation,enlightenment, happiness, God, Nirvana, a bigger bankbalance.

And now, on with the show!


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PART ONE

Liberation: Here and Now

I have never wanted to live seriously. Ive been able

to put on a show to know pathos, and anguish,and joy. But never, never have I known seriousness.

My whole life has been just a game: sometimes long andtedious, sometimes in bad taste but a game.

Jean-Paul Sartre


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Hooked on Enlightenment

All the worlds a stage

And all the men and women merely players.

ey have their exits and their entrances

And one man in his time plays many parts.

Shakespeare, As You Like It

Ifirst appeared on the stage of life some twenty-sevenyears ago. I played many parts: a shy and introvertedchild, a painfully self-conscious teenager, and then, in aperformance worthy of an Academy Award, a horribly

confused and depressed twenty-something experiencingexistential crisis after existential crisis. For most of mychildhood and early adulthood, I lived completely in myhead, lost in my problems, plagued by self-loathing.

en one day in my mid-twenties, following a deepdepression that nearly drove me to suicide, I caught

the spiritual bug. At last, Id had enough of my misery,enough of my intense self-consciousness, enough ofmyself! I wanted to escape from it all. I wanted spiritualenlightenment, liberation, release from all my suffering.I wanted to transcend the ego, to lose my self, to mergewith God and leave this miserable human life behind.e choice was clear: spiritual enlightenment or suicide.And I couldnt bear the thought of suicide.

And so I ploughed through hundreds of religious andspiritual books by dozens of wise men, gurus, teachers


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and heavily bearded philosophers. And I read and read,and took up meditation, and ate vegetarian food, and lis-

tened to poor quality audio recordings of peaceful Indianmen telling me what a wonderful thing it was to have asilent mind. And yet, no matter what I did or didnt do,the yearning to be free still burned as fiercely as ever. Icouldnt seem to shake it off, no matter how hard I tried.

One question drove me: How could I attain this state of

perfect stillness and peace that people had spoken aboutthroughout the ages? I certainly had moments of peace,stillness and clarity, but I so desperately wanted to makethis permanent. I didnt just want peace, I wanted peacewith cherries on top.

How could I dwell in Heaven all the time? How could Iescape from my ordinary life once and for all? How couldI be free from myself and all of my so-called psychologi-cal baggage?

I was hooked on enlightenment.

Fast forward to today, and the search is over, or moreaccurately, it has been seen through. Or, more accurately,it is being seen through, now, now and now.

ere is, of course, no such thing as enlightenment. Andthat comes as a shattering blow when youve been seek-ing enlightenment with all your heart, soul and might foras long as you can remember. e spiritual search endswith this shattering realisation: that there was never


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anything to find in the first place.

I saw it so clearly: there was nothing to find, becausenothing had ever been lost. Absolute freedom had beenwith me from the very beginning. Indeed, it was mytrue nature, but it had been obscured for a lifetime bythe endless goal-seeking of the monkey mind. My des-perate search for spiritual enlightenment had just beenan extension of the lifelong search for something more,

something other than what is.

And yet, it had all played itself out perfectly, and not athing had been out of place. at was clear, too.

All depression and self-consciousness lifted, never to

return, and in the place of misery and frustration therewas, and still is, only spaciousness, only openness,only unconditional love, a love that allows everythingto be exactly as it is, a love that embraces life in all itsimperfection.

When the search for enlightenment collapses, whenthe mind exhausts itself and gives up, it is clearly seen:enlightenment can never be found, because it was neverlost. And in this clear seeing, there is a freedom and aclarity that could never be found by the seeking mind.Its the ultimate paradox: enlightenment is the seeing-through of the search for enlightenment.

And so really, despite what we believe, there is no ulti-mate state, no way to meditate ones way to Nirvana, no


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way to get rid of the ego. ese are just more desires ofthe ego, more ways to maintain the separate self-sense,

the sense of I. In searching for enlightenment, the mindkeeps itself alive, makes itself stronger. What a wonder-ful game the mind plays, in its desperate attempt to stayalive.

After years of searching and never finding, the futilityof it all is eventually seen through. is ordinary lifeis already what we are looking for, and already, in thismoment, there is a perfection that could never be seenby the seeking mind. And this is so damn difficult tosee when we are walking down a spiritual path, because

any path to freedom implies by its very existence thatfreedom is nothere, that liberation is notthis, that thismoment is notenough. But truth is a pathless land.

It seems that we want and need a future in which there

is some happiness better than the present happiness. eidea that this is all there is, that this moment is lifes onlymeaning, is very challenging to a mind locked into theidea of a future salvation. is? is cant be it!, we cry.

But this is it. What is happening presently is all thatcould possibly be happening. is is liberation, enlighten-ment, God, call it what you will. And the great spiritualteachers, mystics and poets throughout the ages havebeen trying to tell us this, but we just couldnt hear them.Jesus saw it. e Buddha saw it.


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And Ill say this again and again: none of this can beunderstood on an intellectual level, or for that matter, onany level at all. e drive to understand this would just bemore seeking. When I understand this, all seeking willfall away and Ill be enlightened, we say to ourselves. Butthe current lack of understanding is yet another presentappearance, and that too is liberation, enlightenment,God.

And so these days, there is just the living of a very ordi-nary life, with no desire to reach some higher plane of

existence, find my True Self, or become one with God.

And its so obvious now: is ordinary life is all there is,or ever was. And in this ordinary life, there is such anextraordinary presence, an openness, an aliveness whichmeans that nothing is ever really ordinary at all. Its allGod. Freedom. Perfect in its imperfection.


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The End of the Search

Freedom is to be found nowhere else but here: right infront of us.And this is what freedom looks like:

e low hum of the computer fan.

A tingling feeling in the left foot.

e tweet-tweet of the little birds in the garden, hoppingfrom branch to branch

Why are we never satisfied with this? Why is thismoment never enough?

Perhaps it is because at some point in our lives we pickedup the belief that there exists something More anis, something higher, something more meaningful

than what is already the case, some sort of state in whichour True Nature is revealed to us in all its glory, in whichall thoughts dissolve, in which the ego burns up and

vanishes, in which the ground we stand upon opens up,and with fire and gnashing of teeth, the Eternal revealsitself, for a while at least.

But what reality does any of that have? Right now, for me,there is only the sound of the little robin jumping aboutin the tree over there, only the beating of the heart, onlythe vapour rising from a freshly brewed cup of tea, only


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the morning breeze gently caressing my cheek. And thisis Heaven. is is God. is is the Eternal.

And then a thought arrives: there must be more to lifethan this! ought cannot bear the simplicity ofwhat isfor long!

But even the thought there must be more to life thanthis is just a thought, a present thought, as all thoughts

are. Just another appearance in awareness, just anotherform arising. And all forms arise and dissolve in thePresence that you are, and Presence remains untouched.is clarity could never be disturbed by any passingthought.

All thoughts are present thoughts. All sounds are presentsounds, all sights are present sights. How wonderful: thepresent can never be escaped, and can never be lost.ought is just the illusion of past and future.

And if there is only ever the present, then this state ofenlightenment, of liberation, or whatever you want tocall it, must be achieved in the present. Which is to say,it cannot be achieved at all. Because an achievementimplies time, implies a self. Someone to achieve, and atime when it will be achieved.

Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless!


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ere is only ever now. ere is only ever this. e searchfor something other than this is a denial of the undeni-

able thisness of this, the undeniable presence of it all. esearch for enlightenment is a denial of the enlightenmentthat always already is. e search for Oneness is a denialof oh, you get the idea.

And the paradox goes even deeper. Because even thesearch for Oneness, for liberation, for release, for free-

dom even the search is simply an expression of One-ness, liberation, release, freedom.

It cannot be found, it cannot be escaped, it cannot beavoided. It is unconditional and free. It is the banquetthat is always overlooked by a hungry mind.

Ignore it, and Oneness is ignoring Oneness. Try to findit, and it is Oneness trying to find Oneness.

So what to do?

Is there still seeking?

ats fine.

Is there still pain?

ats fine too.

Is there suffering, hope, despair?

ats all fine. Nothing else is needed. Nothing more,nothing less. Already, the you at the core of your life


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is just an idea, a phantom, a thought. Already, life sim-ply plays itself out, perfectly, and you are not doing it.

Already, there is freedom from the burden of volition.Already, there is liberation from me.

Already, the search is over. And yet, the mind cannothear that. e mind so desperately wants to seek, becausein that seeking, it keeps itself alive. To the mind, the endof seeking is a kind of death.

But the mind does its job perfectly. It seeks exactly tothe extent that it must. e good news is that this seek-ing really has nothing to do with you. e seeking of themind simply arises in this open space, in this presencethat accepts everything, literally everything, uncondi-

tionally, lovingly, freely. And this is what you are.

And so the end of the spiritual search is a radical, radicalacceptance of what is. And this acceptance, this seeingthrough, is not done by you. is acceptance is not adoing, not an achievement, not the result of anything.is acceptance is the nature of things, already. Already,

everything arises spontaneously, freely, of its own accord.Already, the Universe accepts everything, uncondition-ally, as it is. Already, as the Buddha saw so clearly, thereis no separate self.

e heart beats, and you are not doing it.

Sounds arise, and you are not doing them.

Breathing happens, and you are not doing it.


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oughts arise, and its so obvious that you are not think-ing them.If you were thinking them, you would simply be

able to think your way to perfection!

Obviously, this is not the case. e Buddha saw this too.

And so the heart beats, and sounds arise, and breathinghappens, and thoughts arise, and its all just a wonderful,spontaneous play of the divine. And the mind will carry

on seeking, until it doesnt. e seeking of the mind issimply part of what happens. And thats not a problem,until you want to be free from it!

Im not telling you to give up the search. ere is no con-demnation of seeking here. Even seeking is happening

exactly as it should. Perfectly appropriate, all of it.

So, there may be a seeing through, or there may not.ere may be absorption in the search, or there may be asense of ease, a feeling of release. Its all fine, its all won-

derful, its all part of the play.

And there may be a little robin hopping from branch tobranch, and it may be seen that there is only the robin,there is only the hop-hop-hopping, there is only thetweet-tweet. And all of it is Oneness. Without beginningor end. Without purpose or goal or meaning.

e little robin doesnt care about finding itself, or reach-ing a state of liberation. For it, just the hopping, just thesearch for the next worm is enough. Perhaps thats why


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were so drawn to nature. Animals seem to be so free ofthe burden of individuality, of selfhood, of the search for

something more meaningful than what is already thecase.

But really, the great liberation is already here, for all of us.is what is already clearly given in this moment is allthe meaning there is. is sitting on the toilet, or eatinglunch, or buying bread and milk from the local shop is

all the purpose there is. And to the mind, that can soundvery depressing. To what you really are, its explosivelyliberating.

It is the very search for purpose that creates purposeless-ness, and it is the search for meaning that creates mean-

inglessness.

is seeing is not an achievement, it is not the result ofa long struggle, it has nothing to do with intelligence orskill or knowledge. It has nothing to do with cause or

effect, with effort or persistence or anything else.

Freedom and enlightenment are to be found nowhereelse but here. Which is to say, they cannot be found atall.


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The Divine Paradox

Iam not here.What you see when you look this way is just a bag offlesh and bone. And this bag of flesh and bone appears toact in fairly predictable ways, and emit fairly predictablesounds and smells. And you see this behaviour, and youtell the story of Jeff Foster. at is your me. at is me,to you.

But is there really a me over here to which you arereferring? Is there a Jeff in here that you are somehow

recognising and putting a name to?

Over here, all I can find is an open space, filled withsights and sounds and smells and thoughts and feelings.But and heres the great discovery there is simply no

me to be found at the centre of it all, no me in chargeof things. ere is nothing solid here, only an opennessto the scenery of the world, and me or I or myselfis just anotherpart of the scenery. Me is a presentappearance like everything else: the humming of traffic,the tweeting of the birds, the beating of the heart. Just

something happening in awareness, just another perfectmanifestation of the Whole.

is is all there is:Present sights and sounds and smells,present life playing out, but no me at the centre of it all,


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no I in control. Life has no centre.

So when you look over here at this bag of flesh and boneand its associated behaviours, and when you address itas Jeff, there is a response here, because that seems tobe the appropriate thing to do. Not to respond would besocially unacceptable, and this bag of flesh and bone may

be cast into the loony bin, or at least heavily medicated.

And yet, one cant help wondering that perhaps it is dis-honest to answer to a name, to identify who I am withwho the world says I am. Because I certainly do not expe-rience myself as a person, as an individual, as somethingseparate from the world. No, if I am anything, I am thisopen space in which the whole world appears, and indeedI am notseparate from the world which appears. If I amanything, I am what is happening, right here, right now,in this moment. If I am anything, I am this, this and this.at is the true meaning of nonduality.And its what theBuddha meant when he said:

Suffering alone exists, but none who suffer;the deed there is, but no doer thereof;Nirvana there is, but no one seeking it;the Path there is, but none who travel it.

Jeff does not even begin to capture it. Jeff is a relic

from the past, part of a narrative that everybody seemsto spin for themselves and by themselves. Indeed, thereseem to be as many Jeffs as there are people who knowhim.


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is is not to deny that there is an idea here of a Jefffloating about in awareness, as thought. But that is all

there is, over here. ere is no Jeff having thoughts ofJeff thats the illusion. ere is only the thought ofJeff here, only the narrative floating through.

And it all happens for nobody, it all arises in this openspace, in the vastness that holds everything, lovingly,unconditionally, in the clarity that allows everything to

be. And there is simply no Jeff outside of the vastness.Which is to say, there is no Jeff at all. I simply do notexist. I am not here. Honestly.

No self, no problem, as an old Zen monk once said.

And yet, and yet... to all intents and purposes, I do exist.In the eyes of the world, anyway, there most definitely isa Jeff he has a birth certificate and a National Insur-ance number and everything! To function in the world,a basic assumption seems to be necessary: that there is

an individual here, a person. But it is an assumption, anidea, nothing more, and it has no deeper reality.

And with that realisation, the entire world self-liber-ates. Freed from the stranglehold of thought, freedfrom the burden of me and all my problems, there isa great ease which permeates everything. Freed fromgoals and meanings, every moment is a goal in itself,everything is intrinsically meaningful, because everymoment is all there is, or ever was. Freed from self-consciousness, everything is permissible and consequences


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are not even possible.

And that doesnt mean you go round beating up oldwomen. No, when there is no separate self, there are noothers either. No others separate from yourself, at anyrate. And so this is the end of violence, the end of me-ver-sus-you. And beyond that me-versus-you illusion, thereis such intimacy, such unconditional love and accept-ance, that the idea of beating up old women, or anyone

else for that matter, simply falls away. at old womanis myself. And I dont find myself beating her up. I findmyself helping her across the road. e paradox: thereare no others, and yet there is such love for others, suchspaciousness to allow them to be exactly as they are.

And in Life Without A Centre, yes, there may still be painand anger and sadness. But a funny thing happens: painand anger and sadness are no longer owned by a solidperson. ey are no longer claimed by an ego hungryfor an identity. We could say that they still happen, butthat they now happen for nobody instead ofsomebody,and so, amazingly, they simply dont matter anymore

(since theres nobody there to whom they could possiblymatter!) eres pain and anger and sadness, but theydont belong to anyone. And so, since nobody is claimingthem, they just dissolve of their own accord, in their owntime, as they always have done.

And everything being talked about here is already thecase, for all of us. And yes, that includes you, of course.Already, there is liberation. Already, there is freedomfrom it all. Already, things simply arise of their ownaccord. Look: the heart beats, and nobody is doing it.


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ere is breathing, and it happens by itself. oughtsarise, sounds arise, sights arise, feelings in the body arise,

but they already arise for nobody. Spring comes, and thegrass grows by itself.

is cannot be understood intellectually. But somewherebeyond the words, there can be a resonance beyond allthought. And that is the place to which these words arepointing right now, a place that has no location - which

is to say, it is nowhere, and everywhere. Its there in yourheartbeat. Its there in the breathing. Its there in thesensations in your body and the space around those sen-sations. Its there in your thoughts and the gaps betweenthem, and in the sights and sounds and smells in theroom. In fact, its all there is. It is where you always are.

It is home.


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Who Am I?

The spiritual search can lead to so much frustrationand confusion. We pick up so many concepts alongthe way. And sometimes we move so far from the sim-plicity and childlike wonder and innocence that is ourtrue nature. What a wonderful search it is though

Who am I?

I am Jeff. I am not Jeff.

I am nothing, no-thing. I am something.

I exist. I dont exist.

I am not this, not that. I am that, I am this.

I am. Who is?

I-am-ness! Who-am-ness?

All of the above is true.

All of the above is false.

Good grief.


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Listen: A bird tweets outside.

is happens for no-one.

No bird tweets outside. is happens for someone.

A bird tweets. A no-bird doesnt tweet. Can a no-birdtweet?

A no-bird un-tweets its birdy tweeting. For no-one.

A bird tweets its no-birdy un-tweeting. For me.

No bird. No tweeting. No me. No-thing.

And yet: Tweet Tweet!

is is undeniable.

Tweet Tweet!goes the bird in the garden.

Tweet Tweet!

is is undeniable.

is is undeniable.

is is this. Is this.is is. is is.

is is this.


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Just this.

Just this.

I am.

Just this.

Tweet Tweet!


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The Kingdom

The Kingdom of Heaven is spread out over the Earth,and men and women do not see it. And it is becausemen and women are so lost in the dream of individualitythat they do not see it.

We believe we are people; individuals born into an indif-ferent and sometimes cruel world in which we must findmeaning, purpose, and happiness. And this belief has itsplace, and you only have to look at the past million or

so years of human history to see that, well, it may be adream, but its a very convincing dream!

And, lost in the dream, so often we wish we could escapefrom it, and many of us turn to spirituality Easternor Western which promises so much more than this;some higher, more meaningful dimension of existence,

something Godly and pure and wonderful, somethingpeaceful and free from suffering. Something better thanthis earthly mess, at any rate!

Perhaps we hear about people who have attainedenlightenment, or found God, or experienced a totalloss of self, and we may turn these people into ourteachers, our gurus. We want what they have, welong to experience what they experience. ey lookso happy, so peaceful, so free from human suffering.We may even devote our lives to following them, to


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worshipping them, to listening to their talks and readingtheir books twenty-four hours a day.

We may even sell our homes, leave our families and goand meditate on a mountain in India. We may changeour names, wear spiritual clothes, eat spiritual food.Renounce the body, deny desires, fast until we are butskin and bone. And all of this, of course, has its place. Itsall fine and wonderful, and absolutely appropriate, but it

wont help to end the search.

Because as long as youre doing somethingto get some-where, youre caught up in the search. As long as youremeditating in order to reach a peaceful state, yourecaught up in the search. As long as youre trying to see

everything as One, everything as connected, everythingas a manifestation of God, youre caught up in the search.As long as you want to get rid of the ego, youre caughtup in the search. As long as youre trying to become morepresent, youre caught up in the search. As long as youretrying to become anything other than what you are, oreven if youre trying to be what you are, youre caught

up in the search. Youre even caught up in the search ifyoure trying to endthe search.

So much trying, so much effort. And wouldnt the effortto put an end to all this effort just be more effort? is isreally whats known as a double-bind. Youre damned if

you do, damned if you dont.

So what do you do when theres nothing you can do?

Good question! Anything that could be suggested


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would just be another way of maintaining the search. Aslong as the mind (and by the word mind, I just mean

thought) can do something, its continuity is assured. emind will even maintain itself by saying well, if theresnothing I can do, I will give up the search! And it triesdesperately to give up the search. And in the meantime,its existence is maintained: a separate person is trying togive up the search. Which makes the separate person feeleven more separate. Which fuels the search. A vicious

circle, indeed.

So if theres nothing you can do, or not do, what shouldyou do?

Nope. Im not giving you any answers. e search foranswers to your questions is just part of the search.

Cant you see that the mind just loves to ask questions?As long as it is asking questions, its continuity is assured:there is a sense of past, future, individuality. ere is a

person who has questions, and who will eventually findthe answers.

Dont you think that if there were answers to find, youdhave found them by now? Havent you already been givenenough answers? Arent your bookshelves full of answers,overflowing with them?

You see, the questioning must continue, because themind must continue. It doesnt want to give up, it doesntwant to die. Answers to your questions have been given


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over and over again, but the mind cannot accept these asthe real answers, because then the questions would be

annihilated, and along with them, the one who asks thequestions. e questioner arises and dissolves with thequestions. ey depend on each other.

So the mind mustcontinue to ask questions and wait foranswers. Its very existence is at stake! And so the greatsearch goes on: One day I will be liberated! One day I

will be free!

Why not today? Why not now? And if not now, when?

What answers are you waiting for?

What questions are you asking?

Perhaps the futility of it all will be seen through, andyou will burst out laughing at the ridiculous knots we tieourselves in, trying to be free, trying to be liberated. Yes,

there is a lot of laughter when the dream of individualityand the struggle to be free from it all is seen through,a lot of humour. And perhaps this will happen, andperhaps it wont.But theres nothing you can do about it.Because already, this you is just a fiction, just a story,

just a thought. e entire struggle is a wonderful dream,a story playing out in awareness, a fantastically enter-taining and mesmerising movie. And the movie playsitself out, exactly as it must. Its the idea that you can doanything about it that is at the root of all suffering andfrustration. e only suffering is the idea of choice.


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And when you go to sleep tonight, the search will sleeptoo. ats how wonderfully fragile and illusory the

whole thing is. Its all wonderful dream, a wonderful illu-sion. All of it maya

e Kingdom of Heaven is indeed spread out over theEarth, and men and women do not see it, but even that

even our ignorance of the Kingdom, even our searchfor the Kingdom even that is part the Kingdom. Indeed,there is nothing that the Kingdom is not.

It embraces everything.Everything.


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Liberation is Payingthe Gas Bill

Only this.Only ever this.

Arising spontaneously.

Leaving no trace.

How could it be otherwise?

Emptiness and fullness, being and non-being.

All is here. All is Now.

But those are just words.

No words are really necessary.

Just this.


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Cat miaowing. Kettle on the boil. Heart beating. Munch-ing on cornflakes. Milks a bit sour. Bills plopping

through the letterbox.

Breathing.

Breathing.

Liberation.

Eating.

Liberation.

Drinking.

Liberation.

Going to the toilet.

Liberation.

Pain in the chest.

Liberation.

Craving, delusion, desire, love, hate, jealously, guilt.

Liberation, liberation, liberation!


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No need to search anymore.

Was there ever a past?

Was there ever someone who searched? Someone whosuffered and longed to be free from it all?

Someone who believed in anything?

Oh, God! What madness! To want anything other thanthis

Just stop.

Stop, look and listen:

is is all there is.

ere was never anything else.

I wonder how much British Gas have charged thismonth?


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The Buddha in a Corner Shop

Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.

After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.

Wu Li

One day, I met the Buddha in a corner shop.I went into a little corner shop on the way home froma day in town. After paying for my bread and milk, Iasked the guy at the counter if I could have some changefor the washing machine. I gave him two pound coins

and he gave me back some twenty pence pieces with abroad smile, and I said thankyou and he replied yourewelcome.

Enlightenment is not some future event that will leaveyou in a state of perfection. No, enlightenment happensin each and every moment. It is the simple joy of every-

day interactions. It is the buying of bread and milk, theexchange of coins here and there, the thanks, bye! as

you leave a shop. Its just that, and nothing more.

You cannot find enlightenment. At no point can youbecome enlightened. Enlightenment simply is, and insearching for it, you lose it although of course it cannever really be lost.

Enlightenment in a corner shop, and who would haveever guessed?


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Liberation is StaringYou in the Face

The morning sun rises, bathing the trees and flowersand birds in a warm, golden glow. What a gloriousreminder (although, of course, no reminder is needed)that there is simply nothing to attain. Nowhere to go,nothing to do... and nobody here who could possiblyunderstand any of that intellectually.

Nothing to attain. Yes, I struggled with that for a while!e poor little mind was always striving for that ultimateawakening experience, one that would finish things

off once and for all. But one day, apparently, the needfor enlightenment, and indeed the desire for anythingbeyond what was presently happening, simply dropped.And what is left, I have no way of knowing, and no realway of describing. ere is onlythis, and any idea of whatthis is just dissolves into a presence that is so uncondi-tional and full, and so wonderfully empty of any past or

future.

Liberation in each and every moment. Awakening in eachand every moment. And heres the rub: theres nobodyhere to know it! Nobody to experience it! Nobody at all!

I guess the final hurdle (and really there are no hurdles)was this: to be enlightened from the need to be enlight-ened, to awaken from the need to awaken! And the reason


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I could never get it is because, well, I was trying to. Its liketrying not to breathe. Hopeless. And yet utterly appropri-

ate and divine in that hopelessness.

Perhaps the hopelessness was necessary, to allow anotherpossibility to shine through

ere is only ever this: what is clearly given in themoment. Sound of keys tapping. Breathing. Slight pain inthe back. e whirr of the computer fan. Bills piled upon the kitchen table. Voices, faces, noise, heat. Just that.Nothing more.

And how much laughter there is when this is seen. Whata relief, to be free from the burden of seeking. And howclear it becomes: truly, everything is a manifestationof unconditional love (and havent the saints and sagesthroughout history been trying to tell us this?) Its allGod, Nirvana, Oneness, e Kingdom of Heaven, callit what you will. All of it. e sacred and the profane,

the living and the dying. e fear, the guilt, the pain,the compassion, beheadings in Iraq, mass starvation,bodies being ravaged by cancer, the search for enlighten-ment, the frustration at not getting it, paying the bills,feeding the cat, stroking the cat, being bitten by the cat,everything. It all exists in a perfect harmony, and thatssomething the seeking mind could never, ever accept.e mind could never see the Oneness that unites allthings, including the pain and the suffering. And yet themind is another perfect manifestation of that Oneness.What a wonderful dance it all is.


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You see, to a seeking mind, there is always somethingwrong with the world.

But when the seeking collapses, there is no world.

And yet there still may be effortless action: to help thewar orphans in Iraq, to feed the starving, to look afterthe cat. But its so clear now: it all does itself. Life livesitself, compassionately, lovingly, and really there are no

separate others to help at all.

To the mind, this may seem like madness. To what youare, it is so damn obvious, and makes perfect sense.

As a child, you saw this. You will see it again.

Oh, to experience life, to experience it all, in its magnifi-cence, with no concept of what it should be!

Its pure, unconditional love, all of it. Nothing is

excluded.

And its just this.

And its astonishing.

And its so utterly, utterly ordinary.

Everyday life is liberation, and nothing more needs to besaid.


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Dialogues I

Questioner: I dont get it. Am I supposed to stop seek-ing or not? On the one hand you say that seeking isthe problem, on the other hand you say that there isnobody there who can seek

Answer: Ah, good question. Well, if seeking happens,it happens, and if it doesnt, it doesnt. Its that simple,really. No need to reject seeking, or anything else. Iftheres pain, theres pain, if theres frustration, theresfrustration. Its all just happening right now, a divineshow playing out in awareness. And awareness is notseparate from this show, not at all.

However, when the illusion of individuality is seenthrough, what tends to happen is that this show loses itscharge, its heaviness, its seriousness, and there arises adeep and unshakeable sense ofokayness with everythingthat arises, a sense of ease, an ease that has nothing to dowith a personal you. is is an ease that is always at theheart of all things. And the ease just sits there, lying inwait, patiently waiting for the search to end. And then,without warning, the ease reveals itself. Call it grace, callit awakening, its undeniably the case.


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Paradoxically, as the futility of seeking is seen through,it perhaps tends to happen less and less. But there are no

prescriptions here. Nothing has to happen for liberationto be. at would simply set it up as a goal

And of course, you cannot stop seeking, that would justbe more seeking seeking the end of seeking! Fun, yes?

e nonduality (Advaita) marketplace certainly appears

to be riddled with these kinds of paradoxes, and it canbe so confusing for a mind looking for answers. Forexample, is there is a seeker, or is the seeker an illusion?

Is giving up the search possible, or is that just more of thesearch?Is there anything I can do, or should I do nothing?And is there even a me who can choose to do this, or

not?And so on, and so forth.

But who is aware of these paradoxes? And who is try-ing to overcome them? You see, the mind doesnt wantto accept that two things can be true at the same time.It likes its truth pure and whole. And so it calls this alla paradox, and runs away from it, keeping the search

going. e mind hates paradoxes. e secret is to staywith the paradox, stay with the unknown. at is wherethe freedom is.

You see, its so simple. e paradoxes are there, lets notdeny them. But already they arise for no-one, they are

just thoughts floating around in the openness that youare. In that sense, already the paradoxes are resolved, sotheres no need to seek for any sort of resolution in thefirst place. Still, if seeking happens, thats fine.


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But in the clarity, there are no paradoxes at all. Justthoughts, and even the most contradictory of thoughts

are still just thoughts. Freedom from the paradox liesright at the heart of the paradox.

Does reading about nonduality (Advaita) or going totalks by nondual teachers help to end the search?

ere is absolutely nothing wrong with reading books

and going to talks. But there might be the subtle beliefthat you, personally, are going to get something from thetalks, that they will make you feel a little more clear orrelax the sense of I a bit more, or make you more aware,or something. So theres still that subtle goal, that subtleseeking. And yet, thats wonderfully appropriate. e

mind will think whatever it thinks. But luckily this mes-sage is not about the mind at all! Its about the energybehind it all, and that can be very powerful in thosebooks and meetings where the communication emanatesfrom clarity.

So is there something wrong with seeking and being

frustrated at not getting it?

No, the seeking is fine, the frustration is fine, in thesense that its all unfolding as it must. But what hasbecome apparent over here is that when the seeking isseen through it becomes blindingly clear that seekingwas always the problem. In other words, as long as Iwas seeking, there was frustration, there was the ideaof some goal that could be attained in the future, someenlightened or liberated state that was somehow differ-ent from this. ere was undoubtedly a deep frustration


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and unease at not getting it, at not being good enough. Inthat sense, the search was the problem.

ese days, all that seeking has dropped (in other words,been seen through) and there is a deep sense of ease,an ease which has always been here, but perhaps wasobscured by that incessant seeking.

Im not telling you to drop the search, because the effort

to do that would just be a prolonging of the search. Imnot even telling you to accept the search, because theeffort to accept the search would just be more of thesame. Time and time again people tell me that they arewaiting for the search to end. But this waiting is merelymore seeking. We seek the end of seeking, and then we

wonder why we havent got it yet.

And we havent got it yet simply because theres nothingto get. As long as were waiting to get this elusive it,the search goes on. Which is all absolutely fine, really. AsIve said, rejecting the search would just be more of thesearch.

For some reason we kid ourselves that seeking the endof seeking isnt really seeking. e mind is a sneaky lit-tle beast, and it can keep the search going in very, verysubtle ways.

How does religion fit into what were talking about?I mean, is there someone there who can even chooseto be religious, or not? Or am I just being picky aboutparadoxes?


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All there is, is this, and if thoughts about religion (andthis includes the religion of atheism) arise, well, that too

is part of this divine play. And its all fine and absolutelywonderful, but it has absolutely nothing to do with lib-eration. Because nothing you can do, and that includesreligion and its various beliefs and practices, can bring

you any closer to this. Because this (look around you!) isalways already the case. Always.

Absolutely, the apparent self can still pretend to followreligions, can still meditate, can still take the kids to thezoo, can still watch trashy TV programmes. Its all partof the play. e play includes everything.

And youre right, we could pick at the apparent paradoxes

until were blue in the face. But isnt that just more of thesearch? Once I resolve the paradoxes, once I understandthis better, Ill be free. and so on, and so on. It justprolongs the search, and with it, the individual whosearches. All wonderful again, but totally, totally unnec-essary. Because this is all there is, all there ever has been,and all there ever will be.

Its always here, its always now, its always this. Religionor no religion, belief or no belief, just this....

I still feel that seeking is a problem. For example, a bigthing with me is trying to get rid of the self.

Well yes, I hear you! I, too, used to want to be rid ofthe self. is, of course, is now seen to be utterly futile,because only a self would seek for the end of self! Andhow obvious this is, when seen in clarity.


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I used to believe that I could seek my way to liberation. Itis now seen that liberation is always already here, and it is

the seeking which always implied that it wasnt. So, as Ivesaid, for the individual, absolutely, seeking is the problem,the self is the problem, otherwise, why would there beseeking? Seeking implies that there is something wrongwith now, with this, and there could be something betterin the future. Seeking is, in that sense, a great big lie.

But this individuality, this seeking, this self, does notneed to be denied. It simply arises in the play of life. Itsall wonderful. Its already happening in Life Without ACentre.

So where does that leave us? Once seeking falls away,

what is left? Well, the answer is staring you in the face.And its utterly ordinary, simple, and obvious. Liberationis just this, now: thoughts arising, sense of self arising,feelings in the body arising, sounds arising, smells aris-ing. Just this. And we spend our whole lives searching forsomething more

I think I get this, and I believe Ive pretty much givenup the search, but one thing puzzles me. Its aboutcontrol. Am I in control of this or not? It certainlyseems that way sometimes

Are you looking for an answer, waiting to get it intellec-tually? What Ive discovered is that there is no answerto that question, and its only when were searching forone that we get really confused. If there was an answerto all this, dont you think youd have found it by now?Could it be that there are no real answers, but only the


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questions? Could it be that the questions just stem fromthis feeling of incompleteness, a dissatisfaction with the

present life? Could the questions just be a symptom ofthe longing to escape this life? Just an expression of thatseparation? And might the search for answers actuallybefuellingthis separation?

You see, Ive asked all of these questions already. Anyquestion that comes from over there, its already been

asked over here. Ive asked them all. e mind exhausteditself through its never-ending search for answers. Andthe grand cosmic joke of it all was that I never actuallyfound any answers! ere were only the never-endingquestions. And it was only when those questions diedaway (and along with them, the assumption that there

were any answers to find) that the ease appeared. eease is not a result of the question-and-answer game!e question-and-answer game is the way in which themind keeps itself going. And it will keep itself going untilit doesnt. e good news is that it has nothing to do with

you. e vastness that is your true nature allows this gameto play itself out, exactly as it must. Openness is open to

everything, including the question-and-answer game.

Really, the one answer to all your questions is this: STOPASKING QUESTIONS. (But of course, the mind cannothear that. If it could, the search would drop right now.)

As for control, just come back to what is: breathing,sensations in the body, thoughts passing through, noisesin the room. Does it really matter who is in control ofall this? You could go round in circles trying to find out,and believe, me, I did. For years, I made myself miserable


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doing just that. We all do. But just notice: it all happens.No matter what you do, or dont do, its all just happening

now. Spontaneously. e heart beats, breathing happens,feelings in the body happen, sounds in the room happen,and nobody is doing it. Sounds are happening, and infact you are not hearing them. at is just a thought: Iam hearing sounds. Can you actually find this separateperson who hears? Or are there just the sounds? Justspontaneous manifestations of aliveness?

And so, in actuality, there is just this clarity, just theperfect arising of it all. And then the question who isin control of this? bubbles up. ats when the troublebegins, thats the search appearing. Its only when thesearch for answers drops, that this ease and calm appear,

an ease and calm that have been there all along, buthave been obscured by our incessant search for answers.Undoubtedly the search is exhausting and frustrating.And yet the mind cannot drop, until it does. And itsall unfolding exactly as it must. e mind is exhaustingitself. Let it do that!

You dont need theories about creating your life, aboutwhether things happen with or without belief, or with orwithout personal control. at is all mental, all thought,all intellectual. Just come back to what is, to whats hap-pening, presently. Nothing more is needed. No otherspiritual practice is really necessary. is moment is allthere is. is moment is the answer. Any question impliesthat you need a future to find an answer. e searchfor answers implies that there are answers to be foundthrough seeking! How wonderfully this thing plays itselfout. How wonderfully convincing that is, the idea of a


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future goal. But the future never comes, and there is onlythe eternal present, which allows all thoughts about the

future to arise and dissolve in absolute clarity.

Wanting liberation is still a want, like any other, nomatter what we want to believe.

By offering these teachings arent you implying thatyou are separate from the people you are teaching?

Arent you supposed to be nondual? Doesnt thisseparation imply duality?

Well, even conversing with each other like this assumessome sort of separation:someone talking tosomeone else.We have to use the idea of separation to function sanely

and intelligently in this world. We have to use language(which implies separation) to ask for a loaf of bread, toask for directions to the cinema.

We can play with duality but actually we do not have tobelieve in it. en life regains its joy: to see it all as a cos-mic game, a play. Not to deny the duality, but to embrace

it. Nirvana is samsara. is ordinary life is enlighten-ment, is the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus was telling usthis. So was the Buddha. So were all the saints and sages.We just couldnt hear, because we were trying to fit theirwords into some sort of conceptual framework. Butthere is no framework to this. Just total freedom. isdestroys all frameworks. is shatters all belief systems,and leaves only presence.

You know, seeing everything as not separate is justanother thought, another belief. All of which means,


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when someone comes up to me to ask for help, yes, dual-ity is an illusion, if we want to use those words, but the

ideas of you and me still arise, and they do not have tobe denied or rejected. e idea of separation is just fineas it is. To see it as that, as just an idea, just an appear-ance, is what we might call freedom. To see duality inclarity is to no longer be caught up in it.

On a practical level, one can still interact with people,

completely normally. On a practical level, there are stilltwo bodies, one over here and one over there. I can stilltalk to you, as ifyou were a separate person. And thatis the great mystery, the divine paradox: there is no youand no me (in the sense that these are not real entities,separate from each other) but apparently there is a you

and there is a me! We dont have to reject the you-and-me game, we dont have to reject our humanity. Just tosee it is enough. To see it in total clarity is to end it.

And this is what it looks like: Hi Tom, how are you? Inreality, there is no Tom, and no me separate from Tom.But still, life goes on, and Tom and I have a wonderful

conversation. Nothing has to be denied: real spiritualityis just everyday life, as it is. How wonderfully ordinary.And how totally extraordinary. e miracle in a simpleconversation. If we truly saw this miracle, wed neversearch for anything else, because everyday life would beenough. And the secret is that, of course, it is alreadyenough.

So yes, of course there is the idea of separation. Butultimately it is nothing more than that: an idea.


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Arent you just another therapist, another reliever ofsuffering?

I am whatever you say I am. If I wasnt, then why wouldI say I am?

Apologies for the Eminem reference there. To answeryour question, Im absolutely not setting myself up as areliever of suffering. But if someone came up to me and

told me that they were suffering and that they wantedhelp, I would perhaps try to help them, because in theireyes, they are suffering. Do you see? In my eyes, allsuffering is seen to be an illusion, in the sense that itassumes that there is a separate individual there who canactually suffer but they cannot see this yet, apparently.

I know, because once in my life I suffered intensely, andif someone had told me, back then, that all suffering wasan illusion, Id have told them where to shove their spir-itual crap! So you meet someone exactly where they are.at is love. Unconditional love. e end of separation.To meet in that space that embraces us all. To meet youas myself. To meet myself as you. To meet in nothing-

ness. To embrace you in total fullness.

To be honest, I dont do therapy at all, although it mayappear that way. If therapy happens, it is unplanned, it

just spontaneously happens in the moment. If someoneis there in front of me, asking for help, I may or maynot help them, I really dont know. If I set myself up assome sort ofhealer, what a hypocrite I would be. Whatarrogance, to assume that I had the answers, that otherswerent perfect just as they are. Perfect in their imperfec-tion. Everybodyis perfect just as they are, the thing is that


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a lot of people dont see this yet. And for those people, itmay appear that someone like me could help them. And

if they ask me for help, I may or may not help them. I haveno idea. ere is a request for help, and this body movesto respond, or not. Life simply does itself, lives itself, andthere is no entity here who is in control, no separate meat the centre of my life. Effortlessly, there can be action,but there is no way of knowing what action that will be.at is total freedom. Freedom from having to know all

the time. Knowing can be so exhausting.

All I know is that in the past, some things I have said tosome people may have helped them. Or not. Perhaps justbeing in the presence of someone who is listening with-out comment, or who doesnt see a problem, perhaps that

is worth something to some people. Perhaps that is whatthe words therapy and healing are really pointing to.I dont know. I really dont know. I just sing my song, andleave.

Any so-called teachingis still part of the dream world,but within the dream, some teachings may appear to be

helpful to dream characters! But its all a dream, noth-ing more. And because of that its all so wonderfullylight, so clear, so soft.

I am not condemning suffering. Suffering is a neces-sary part of life. Until you realise that it probably isnt!Because, ultimately, there is nobody there who suffers.And this may be seen, or not. And theres nothing tobe gained by seeing it, not at all. Actually, theres eve-rything to be lost! All past and future. But in that loss,what freedom. A freedom that terrifies the mind! e


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mind calls that freedom death. I call it liberation. Nodifference, really.

Im confused, Ive heard that if something is meant tohappen it will because it cant be any other way. But tome that implies a destiny.

Well, yes, meant to happen would imply a destiny,some sort of future for this individual that is planned

out in some way. But those are just words, concepts,thoughts, beliefs, mind stuff, and they all go towardsmaintaining the sense of the individual entity.

In reality, we cannot know the future. oughts aboutthe future, projections and predictions and stories

about what will happen arise, but they arise now. eyare only thoughts arising now. oughts of having adestiny, thoughts of what will happen, thoughts of selfarise too, and those are just thoughts. Just harmlessthoughts, really. And they all arise in this.

And its true, you could say what will happen will hap-

pen, but thats almost like saying nothing at all! epoint is, you cannot know what will happen, not even inthe next moment. All of that is just a story arising now.Destiny is always just a story, a thought, a belief aris-ing now. Meanwhile, the clarity and aliveness which isalready fully present is apparently ignored by the seek-ing mind, and turned into a goal, something to reach inthe future.

ere is no destiny, no future, only this. Its the mostobvious thing.


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And actually, we could put it another way: this is alreadydestiny. Right here, right now, this is destiny. How could

this not be the case? Your entire life, all your sufferingand seeking, the highs and the lows, the ups and downs,the achievements and the failures the only purpose ofit all was so that you could be here, now, reading thesewords. is is your destiny. e cosmic joke of it all!

Since there is no self to have any choice, its all justhappening, right? So theres nothing I can do? atsounds very depressing.

Choice exists and choice does not exist are bothbeliefs. ey arise together and dissolve together. Beyondboth, there is just this ... no belief necessary. No choice or

lack of choice, just this. Here. Now. Utter, utter simplic-ity. Utter, utter obviousness.

Clinging onto there is no choice is just as dualisticas any other teaching. In fact, Id say that in the dreamworld of individuality, in which we all must function

whether we like it or not (we all woke up and got dressedthis morning, we will all eat and drink today, in thestory anyway) Id say that there is no choice can be a

very depressing and frankly life-denying belief. Plenty ofpeople get very depressed because they believe they haveno choice. And so to take that on as a belief would be tomiss the point entirely.

Nonduality is not about denying anything. We dontneed to deny apparent choices, nor apparent preferences,nor apparent suffering, nor apparent good and evil. But


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all of this ceases to have a mesmerising effect once it isseen through. It just arises in the infinite space that we

are. e space is big enough for all of it. None of it hasto be denied.

Its all a miracle, its all the play of the divine. Choice orno choice, no need to cling to either polarity. ats whatthese spiritual teachers are pointing to when they saythere is no choice, no individual, no volition. Words are

definitely very misleading. But then, of course, its neverabout the words.

So why is there such a big fuss about enlightenmentand enlightened people then? I mean, if its all a futilesearch?

You know, liberation, awakening, enlightenment, itsreally all one big joke. ere is only ever this, and nobodyhere to experience it, just the passing of content throughawareness, now, now, and now. And finally, the contentof awareness is not separate from that awareness. at iswhat the word nonduality points to. Nothing is sepa-

rate from anything else.

As for people who claim to be enlightened, they arejust people who are walking around with the belief Iam enlightened, and other people are not. is is justanother belief, another story arising in awareness. Whatelse could it be?

If there are any enlightened people (and really its a con-tradiction in terms) you would never, ever know it. eywould appear to be completely ordinary, completely nor-


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mal. And they themselves would have no way of know-ing either; the concept of an enlightened person would

be utterly meaningless to them. e centre from whichthey could make that assertion would have collapsed. Ifpeople go round telling the world that they are enlight-ened, that is just another ego-trip. Its just another story,another identity, another belief. Another way to separateone human being from another. Another act of violence.And yet,forgive them father, for they know not what they

do.

For a while, believe it or not, I used to think that I wasenlightened. ese days, all that nonsense has fallenaway. ere is only this, here, now, and claiming to beenlightened is just another way to maintain a strong

individual self-sense.

Here, there seems to be the desire to fix things. But Iknow thats just more seeking. How is it for you?

I spent most of my life locked in the idea that I was notgood enough, that I needed to be made better somehow.

en, when I got all spiritual, I believed that Id onlybe free when I actually got rid of the I and becameenlightened like those Buddhas. And so now I felt notgood enough on aspirituallevel too!

ese days, it makes me laugh out loud sometimes whenI think of all the ridiculous demands I was putting onmyself. And so many of the teachings I was followingwere teachings of imprisonment, because they spoke toa separate person, a me who could do something to getfree. I couldnt see that in looking for the end of mind, I


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was strengthening the mind. In seeking the end of seek-ing, I was perpetuating the seeking. It was a merry-go-

round, and I was trapped.

eres simply nobody here to fix, and nobody here whodwant to be fixed anyway. Why would anyone want to fixthis? is moment is the answer to all and any questions.Just this. And so I sit back and watch as others try tofix themselves, and all the while there is a deep knowing

that there is nothing to fix, because nothing is broken.

And what is so astonishing about all of this, is that whilst,in actuality, there is no entity, no doer, no individual,there is, most definitely, an apparent entity, an apparentdoer, an apparent individual. Its all a great appearance, a

great show, but when we look closely, theres simply noth-ing there. ats the divine paradox: there is nothing, andapparently there are things. Something out of nothing.Creation ex nihilo.

is world is an apparent world, a song-and-dance of aworld, a great play, and when that is seen, by nobody, it

somehow all takes on a strange beauty, because its justnot serious any more. How could a play be serious? Aplay has no purpose but itself!

And with that discovery comes a great deal of ease andhumour, and a sense of okayness about the whole damnthing. I used to think Id come into this world to findmy purpose, as they say. Now, it is seen: this is the onlypurpose. is is the beginning and end of it all, the Alphaand the Omega. Damn strange!


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I still feel that there is something to be discovered. Itfeels frustrating.

Yes, sometimes there can be frustration at not gettingit yet. But can you see, seeking not to seek is just moreseeking! It involves a future goal, the goal that says oneday, Ill be one of those people who dont seek anymore.

Can you see that this yearning to no longer seek is just a

way for seeking to continue, and with it a strong sense ofself as a seeker?

So, do thoughts of seeking arise now, in this moment?Do thoughts of I just dont get it or I havent yet recog-nised my true nature arise?

And what about the thought I shouldnt be having thesethoughts anymore. Is that arising now?

You see, these thoughts arise, and they are supposed to,and the secret is that they arejust thoughts. Just thoughts

of a future goal. ere is no goal. ere are only thoughtsabouta goal. Really, thoughts point to nothing but otherthoughts. What a wonderful loop, a merry-go-round it allis. ere will always be thought. Dont believe those whoclaim theyve ended thought: only thought would claimto have ended thought. And trying to get rid of thoughtis just more thought. ought is allowed to arise. It is not

the enemy. It is just thought, and it is not a problem. Itbecomes a problem once you split yourself in two and tryto get rid of it. ought chasing thought


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ought is fine, as it is, because already it arises fornobody. It simply arises in awareness. ere is nobody

there having those thoughts: thats the illusion. oughtswithout a thinker. e Buddha spoke clearly about thisthousands of years ago.

Nope. Still confused. Dont get it at all.

Well, this is thesimplestof messages. eres really noth-

ing to get. e idea that theres something special to getis what will keep you on the merry-go-round. It can be

very frustrating for an individual to believe that theressomething to get here, or anywhere.

In this moment, there is thought arising, there are noises,

the beating of the heart, breathing, perhaps the thoughtIm confused, this cant be it!, the taps dripping, thehum of cars outside. And frustration arising, perhaps.

e frustration says that one day, there will be an endto frustration. What the mind could never see, is thatits precisely that thought that is keeping the frustration

going. Its the search for the end of frustration that isactually creating and maintaining the frustration. Anddont expect the mind to be able to hear that right now!It wants to keep that search going, the search for the endof frustration! And what a frustrating search that is!

Really, there is no frustration, because there is nobodysolid there to be frustrated. e answer to all yourquestions is this moment, as it is. e simplicity of thisdestroys all seeking, once and for all.


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PART TWO

Realising Theres Nobody Home

Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that

it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in theexcitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way tothe holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analy-sis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.

Frederick Buechner


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The Dance of Form

And so it dawned on me: the realisation that each andevery moment is unfolding as it should. ere are noerrors. ere is no luck. No chance. No cause or effect.ere is only this. Ineffable, impenetrable, unspeakablethis, at once both comically unreal, and as shockingly

vivid as a punch to the stomach. How could I have notseen this?

is is inexplicable, inexpressible. is is God, Oneness,Absolute Reality, Consciousness, Spirit, manifest andunmanifest, emptiness and form. And it is all One, and

all is well. ere is not a thing out of place, for if it was,who would know it? ere is nothing to be achieved, forif there was, who would achieve?

Atoms and mountains and oceans and light, all aris-ing, dissolving, arising again. e dance of form whichis really the dance of emptiness, a dance which is the

beginning and end of all things. In each moment there iscreation and destruction, in each moment a new Kosmosarises and dissolves, leaving no trace. And this continuesendlessly, without beginning, without end.

Know ye not that ye are gods, and sons and daughters ofthe most high?

Documents

Life Without a Centre by Jeff Foster