Life-Mastery The 3 anchors and 5 actions that moved me

from suicidal to internally powerful.

Mike Kitko Coaching

1st Edition

Breaking Out Of Mediocrity 4 ................................The Three Anchors 6 ..............................................Anchor Your Life With Power 6 ..............................................

Anchor #1 - There is no single right way 6 ..........................................................................Anchor #2 - You matter as much as everyone else 7 ..........................................................Anchor #3 - We are not here to just survive 7 ....................................................................

Decide For More 8 ..................................................When You Are Ready, You Will 8 ............................................Are You Ready? 9 .....................................................................

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? 10 ................................................................................Try This! 10 .........................................................................................................................

Embrace Your Desires 11 ........................................Do You Love What You Love? 11 .............................................The Nature of Desire 12 ...........................................................

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? 13 ................................................................................Try This! 13 .........................................................................................................................

You’re Never A Victim 14 .......................................Are You Sure You Want Freedom? 14 .....................................The Maslow Way 14 .................................................................Breaking It Down 15 ................................................................Are You A Victim? 16 ...............................................................

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? 16 ................................................................................Try This! 17 .........................................................................................................................

The World Is A Mirror 18 .......................................My Battle 18 .............................................................................The Inside Creates The Outside 18 ..........................................

Healing 19 ................................................................................Are You Showing Up For Yourself? 20 ................................................................................Try This! 20 .........................................................................................................................

Growth Is Involuntary 21 .......................................Are You Holding On To Your Pain? 21 ....................................My Old Tribe, My New Tribe 22 .............................................Don’t Be Afraid To Outgrow Your Life 23 ..............................

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? 23 ................................................................................Try This! 23 .........................................................................................................................

The Path Forward 24 ..............................................Start Where You Are 24 ...........................................................Are You Ready To Step Into Your Power? 24 .........................About Mike 25........................................................

Breaking Out Of Mediocrity My dream was to be the CEO of a major corporation, and I was on track. I had the MBA, an impressive resume, the track record, and the drive. But I also had extreme self-doubt, insecurity, and inadequacy that I hid away from everyone every single day.

Despite the fact that I kept getting promoted and recruited into higher level positions with more powerful income and prestige, my fear and self-doubt continued to grow. I kept expecting it all to eventually fall apart, and it eventually did. It collapsed, and thank the heavens it did. I wanted to be a CEO for all the wrong reasons. I was trying to prove to myself and everyone in my life that I was someone. I tried to finally prove my value and worth.

My home life was a toxic circus. My wife and I were both in active addiction. Angie was dependent on a pharmaceutical cocktail of 400-500 pills a month, and I constantly drank until I was face down. We experienced physical, mental, emotional, and even sexual abuse. I expected her to change her desires and behaviors to make me happy and feel loved, and she expected me to do the same. We were in codependency, not love. It was an abusive nightmare.

We repeated the same cycle for 16 years functionally, until the self-doubt and lack of confidence, self-esteem, and internal value created the professional collapse I anticipated for years. I created my reality. I was a victim of myself, my decisions, and the false life I had constructed.

The first termination in 2014 wasn’t enough pain to make me choose better. In fact, Angie and I began consuming even more pills and alcohol during our months without a job. When I landed another position, we rested in the fact that we could resume and continue our painful patterns. The second termination in 2016 was more pain than I could handle. On March 18, 2016, I was fired. On April 1, I decided the old life was over, and on April 7 I had my last drink. Angie didn’t make changes; she was still paralyzed in her addiction. She even fought me harder to stop the improvements I was making. People in pain love it when others are in pain with them. ‘Misery loves company’ is accurate and true.

I filed for divorce about three months after my second termination, and that’s when Angie decided to get clean. She wasn’t perfect out of the chute, but she worked her ass off to create better for herself, for her family, and to keep our marriage together. She knew at that point I wouldn’t settle for less than peace and happiness, because I was done with the pain of the past. I committed to myself and everyone else around me that there was no longer a place in my life for anyone who would hold me back. She understood and she responded.

I hired a coach and began a journey toward physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual healing. I had to rebuild how I showed up in life, what I believed about life, and also how I perceived and processed life. The person I was had created the pain I experienced. The same person could not be capable of creating the peace, happiness, and joy I desired. Each day I exercised, ate nutritious foods, meditated, read healthy material, and practiced emotional exercises that allowed me to release guilt, shame and accumulated pain from the past. Each day I felt like a different human being. I was moving further from the pain and suffering of the mediocre life I had created.

Angie independently journeyed toward health as well. We both had to go to our neutral corners and heal our own wounds. No one can heal your wounds for you, and we learned that a healthy marriage is never about two broken people completing each other, but two people healing themselves and holding space for the other person to do the same — without expectation or trying to manipulate the desires or behaviors of the other.

That was over three years ago, and today my family is happy and healthy, we are clean and sober, and we all continue to heal the wounds of the past. We have hiccups and certainly are not perfect. But we have assumed ownership of our own pain, and aggressively heal the wounds and scarring so that we show up more powerfully for ourselves and our family. Where Angie and I would hurt each other in the past, we now prop each other up and support each other to new levels of growth. We are each other’s greatest cheerleaders.

We have started two businesses and are now committed life and business partners. We have vowed to never do anything we don’t want to do because we value happiness and health more than living a life of sacrifice. We are clear in what we desire, and we choose to move toward our vision at all times without guilt and shame.

I have coached hundreds of executives and entrepreneurs, and taught many students in my courses. I have noticed five principles that, when understood and effectively implemented, create power from pain, and peace from suffering. The five actions are:

• Your entire life can shift with a single decision to create better

• Fully embrace and desire your desires

• Self-destructive behaviors take away your ability to claim victim

• The world sees you at the level of significance that you see yourself

• You must never be afraid to outgrow your current life

We will explore these, topic by topic. Enjoy the ride!

Chapter 1

The Three Anchors Anchor Your Life With Power

Before we move on to the five actions, I want to first anchor the journey with three empowering, required beliefs that, if adopted, will allow you to embrace the five actions. By embracing these anchors, the entire path becomes much easier to step into and realize the power you hold within. These anchors will provide truth which will ultimately give you all the permission you need to live soul-out, and discover your power without guilt or shame.

Without these anchors, you might continue to live a life based on past beliefs or a life based on what others want for you. These anchors are truths created to set you free to be you without regret.

Anchor #1 - There is no single right way

Parents, teachers, society, religion, and many other influencers teach us that there is a “right way” and a “wrong way” to everything. Organizations force you into structure, rituals, and doctrine that doesn’t allow for alternatives. Scientists and other intellectuals look to convince us that their teaching or study applies to all people. Our parents often simply teach us the way they were taught.

The challenge this creates is that we are all unique. There are 7.7 billion on the planet, and, sure, we all have cells and basic chemistry, but we have all been blessed with unique talents, tastes, perspectives, and purposes.

It’s important to know that there’s no single way or belief that applies to all of us regardless of how many external sources we espouse. You know the right way for you, and you get to evolve and learn to trust yourself as you grow during your life. Trust yourself and your intuition. Ultimately, you know what’s best for you. You just might need to move past the self doubt and insecurity to get to the full authenticity, ownership, and accountability for yourself.

Anchor #2 - You matter as much as everyone else As I wrote in The Imposter In Charge:

The truth is that you were born with the same 99 percent composition of oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, calcium, nitrogen, and phosphorous as everyone else. You’re made of the same elements found in the earth, stars, and universe as a whole. We’re all born equal. There’s no unworthy or worthless human being.

You matter as much as everyone else. No one is more important or significant than you, and no one is less important or significant than you. You are equal to everyone else. You might feel less significant than others, but that is a mental and emotional disconnect that you get to heal. You can reestablish power immediately when you fully realize that you are less than no one, and you can reassume your power as soon as you rise to the level of your birthright. You deserve everything you desire. Everything. It’s up to you to create it by first recognizing your importance in the universal dance. The universe is ready when you are!

Anchor #3 - We are not here to just survive

You have been conditioned from a very young age to fall in line, play it safe, join the masses, live small, and survive until you die. That is not a life, but a slow death. You have a purpose beyond paying bills, raising a family, the weekend, and retirement. These can be part of your story, but they are not what life is ultimately about.

We are here to find ourselves, our purpose, and the way we can impact society — to leave a legacy of impact. We are here to feel significant and meaningful in the story of mankind. This doesn’t need to be through becoming famous and well-known, but creating an impact so meaningful that the trajectory of humanity shifts favorably and evolves because of your intentional, meaningful contribution.

Since you matter as much as everyone else, it is time to use that significance to step into your power and move the needle in other people’s lives by showing up powerfully for yourself, while leading others to do the same.

We are here to create impact, not just a material inheritance.

With full understanding and acceptance of these three anchors, we are ready to move on to the five actions that will shift your entire life.

Chapter 2

Decide For More When You Are Ready, You Will

When Angie, my daughter Katie, and I moved to Portland, Oregon, from Maryland in 2002, we went furniture shopping and I bought a La-Z-Boy chair. It is an awesome chair — comfortable and durable.

I raised my kids in this chair, with Katie on one leg and Meagan on the other. We were always together. I started calling my girls “butt” for butt cheeks, because they were like my butt cheeks, always attached to me — one on my right, and one on my left. I loved raising my girls.

My chair is very special to me, and I still have it today. It’s in this chair that I felt my happiest moments with my children, and it’s also in this chair that I once sat paralyzed, as I considered pulling the trigger that would take my life.

On April 1, 2016, I was sitting in this chair reading a book named The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, which a friend had sent me after he heard of my latest termination. This book gives a great perspective about creating results in your life. Jeff Olson states that simple actions, repeated daily, become habits, and habits create outcomes. The author points out that simple, beneficial tasks repeated daily will help a person rise from poor circumstances to average circumstances, and how those same exact tasks will help the same person move from average to exceptional circumstances. These tasks are easy to do, and easy not to do.

As I was reading The Slight Edge, I realized that I had mismanaged my entire life, and I allowed myself and others to constantly move me off target, and I hadn’t put up much of a fight. I realized I had never done what it took to create a balance of the health, wealth, and love that I desperately desired. I neglected myself, and that neglect created all of my suffering.

I reached a point of clarity and understanding in regards to my neglect and saw the clear path out of my suffering. I knew I had to make a decision. The suffering was too much for me to bear, and I was at a crossroads — either end my life or begin a journey of healing.

I made the decision to heal The Slight Edge way, one simple action at a time.

Closing the book, I rose from my La-Z-Boy, and walked to my basement to jog on the treadmill that had been sitting in my basement for years, collecting dust. I set the treadmill to a very slow speed and jogged for about a half of a mile. I felt like I would die. Although the run was short, it was the catalyst for the transformation of my life.

I went on to exercise almost 500 days in a row. I learned new ways to nourish my body, discipline my mind, and heal my emotions. Over time, I healed enough to begin teaching others to do the same. From that one single decision to rise up from that chair and exercise, I rebuilt my health, income, family, and the loving relationship I share with Angie. I am blessed beyond measure.

Are You Ready?

The entire transformation journey began with one single decision — to be finished with suffering. When I closed The Slight Edge, I closed the book on my old life. The old me was dead, and the new me was born in that moment.

Any human being can make a decision for more. It takes resolve and persistence. People you know and those who love you will try to stop you. You will be challenged. You will question

why you are even trying. But through all that, you can continue to choose more for yourself. You deserve that. You are a sovereign being, and you owe nothing to no one — not even those who are comfortable with the you that is in pain.

Choose you and what YOU want. You deserve that. And you can completely shift the trajectory of your entire life with one decision. Close the book on your old self. Your new self is closer and easier to create than you think.

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? Are you settling for a life that you think you have to live, because you think it’s too late to create the life you want?

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Try This!

Suspend reality. Get clear on the life you truly desire, and pretend that time and money are non-issues. What is the fist step toward that new life? Take that step and feel the motivation you create in your life. Read The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson to gain even more motivation toward your new life. I’d have you consider that it’s all possible!

Chapter 3

Embrace Your Desires Do You Love What You Love?

“That’s selfish, Mike,” I heard over and over while I was growing up. As a member of the Catholic religion, I was constantly taught that desires and wants were selfish, and selfishness was a sin.

If there’s one single limiting belief that did the most damage, this is is the one. I grew up feeling guilty and shameful for all of my desires whether they were material, financial, sexual, or even in my health. The belief that was lodged deep in my subconscious from a young age was that to give was divine, and desiring would cause you to burn in hell.

Chapter 2 introduced that the world is a mirror. When we hold the belief that desiring more for yourself is selfish, we’ll find evidence of that belief everywhere in the world. People will show up for you who feel the same to reinforce your belief, or who judge you so that you feel the guilt and shame. Both come into our lives to help us reveal this belief in ourselves so that we can heal it.

I once had a client named Jay who had just stepped out of a life that he had outgrown. He had a great career, which offered security, nice pay, and benefits, but he still dreaded going on a daily basis. Jay decided to step out of that life and buy a business. When he and I started working together, we worked on creating a vision for his life — an overall guide for what he wanted every aspect of his life to look like.

When we created his vision, he included hobbies he loved but neglected, time with friends which he didn’t currently take, and season tickets to the games of his favorite sports team. It was difficult to get Jay to open up about his desires because his parents were very financially frugal, and they had also taught him that spending time at play was a waste of time.

He was currently married, and his wife required every minute of his time when he was not working. Together they had built a life based on financial frugality. He attracted the perfect partner to expose and amplify his belief that desire was selfish.

When Jay created his vision and revealed it to his wife, she instinctively began to challenge it and attack him for his self-centeredness in taking time and money away from the family. Jay held firmly, knowing that it would take some adjustment time to get to a sense of normalcy in his life and marriage.

As he began to carry out his hobbies and the activities he desired — in a way which didn’t create hardship and burden on his wife — he continued to get attacked, but the attacks lessened over time. His wife began to realize that Jay was not going to shift his new alignment to himself and his desires, which he balanced nicely with the needs of the family. Over time, his wife began to ask if she could go out with her friends, adopt hobbies, and build a similar vision which balanced family and herself.

Jay celebrated her desires and encouraged her to live the life she wanted, and they agreed to ensure that they do not sacrifice their family, but always find space for themselves. The only reason Jay’s wife attacked him was because she felt selfish for wanting her own life and desires, and since she didn’t believe she could have it, she didn’t want anyone else to do the same. She used guilt and shame as a weapon, but when they didn’t work, she surrendered her belief.

They both won. It just took one of them actually taking the first step out of a painful belief they held into a new life that allowed them to accept and act on their desires.

The Nature of Desire Human beings have desire encoded into our DNA. We are all born with desire, which wants to be expressed in the world. Our species has evolved and matured over millions of years because of desire, and desire continues to move us and society forward today.

For a healthy individual, desire is the reason for the next workout, your next promotion, and your next achievement. Your next meal will be fueled with the desire to live. When we decide to have children, that is the desire for a family. All of these desires are healthy for the evolution of ourselves and society. There are destructive desires, but denying ourselves healthy desire because of the presence of damaging desire is like denying ourselves a salad because of the presence of junk food. One serves, one doesn’t. Overall, healthy desire serves us all.

You are born unique, with a unique set of desires. There are elements of yourself that are expressed through your desires. Some people connect with music, some play sports, some desire building a business, having nice things and wanting a family. Denying yourself of the desire for anything that is not damaging to you or others serves everyone. We all reap the rewards when a unique individual fully embraces and accepts himself — desires and all.

You can’t stop desire. You can try, but it will just cause you more suffering. I am not advocating that you not be grateful for what you have. If you are reading this, you have everything you require in life to appreciate life itself. Happiness is now. You don’t need anything else to be happy or feel peace and joy. You can only experience happiness now, not when you attain what you desire.

There’s a significant difference between craving and desire. Craving is attaching your happiness to a future outcome. That is delaying happiness, and you can never experience happiness in the future if you are not happy now. Happiness is a choice, and not dependent on outcomes. Desire is embedded in your DNA and promotes growth and expansion of your human experience. You can experience happiness now by being grateful for what you have, but also getting excited for growing into a new outcome and circumstance. We desire to experience new experiences. That is part of being human.

Enjoy your humanity. It lasts a brief time in the grand scheme of the universe. During your life, your soul — your unique spirit — is trying to express itself through your desires. Give yourself permission to want what you want. Denying your desires just creates pain and suffering. So just desire what you desire, and embrace whatever you feel you want to experience. It’s never selfish — only those who feel selfish for their desires will try to make you feel guilty as well. And because of that, you can be their greatest teacher by releasing the guilt and shame of being human with natural desires.

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? Do you allow yourself to desire your desires? Do you get scared when you begin to dream?

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Try This!

Make a list of everything you want in your life, including health, wealth, love, and career. Be bold. Allow yourself to fully let go of the need to suppress your desires. What did you feel?

Chapter 4

You’re Never A Victim Are You Sure You Want Freedom?

Not one person is a victim of circumstance. There’s no way to heal unless you take full ownership, accountability, and authority over your own state. As soon as you do, you are ready to grow. If you continue to claim victim, you are holding onto your pain. You can’t hold onto your pain and achieve freedom at the same time.

I witness many people who blame others for their own pain and challenges. They claim victim by disowning their reaction and response to people and circumstances they’ve attracted into their lives. Meanwhile they abuse themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally, and often are not living a life aligned with their internal desires.

Since they have not committed to a lifestyle and choices that promote internal peace, happiness, and overall well-being, it’s much easier to blame their spouse or kids, extended family, the government, friends, society, other races, other genders, their employers, and anyone else they can blame.

They are committed to blaming everyone but themselves, even though their daily choices reflect that they are not committed to what will truly bring them what they seek.

The Maslow Way

In 1943, Abraham Maslow published his theory for finding fulfillment in life. He titled it The Hierarchy of Needs.

Since publication, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has been tested, proven, and now forms the template of a life well lived. It is taught in just about every health and psychology class as a means to attain fulfillment and joy in life.

Maslow’s Hierarchy has 5 segments: physiological, safety, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Maslow theorized from his life’s research that unless the level below is fully satisfied, the level above cannot be satisfied.

In other words, in order for someone to feel fulfilled, they must feel internal and external esteem. In order to feel esteem, they must feel love and belonging. In order to feel love and belonging, they must feel safe and secure, and in order to feel safe and secure, they must know and feel that their physiological needs are being met.

Maslow’s hierarchy provides a logical framework for us to take action on moving into higher levels of personal power. First, we must break down the elements to actionable items.

Breaking It Down

The physiological component is pretty basic and is made up of your body’s physical needs (oxygen, water, nutrition, exercise, rest).

Safety and security go well beyond the physical security of environment and wealth. There are wealthy people who live behind a secure gate but feel in danger of losing everything every single day. There are also people living in poverty in the slums that feel totally safe and secure because they have found certainty in poverty and their environment. Safety and security is more about mental discipline than environment or financial well-being.

Love and belonging is both acceptance of self and others. As people appreciate, honor, and love themselves, they will be more prepared and able to love others and receive love from others. Without self-acceptance, love and belonging are not possible. Love and belonging are emotional, so they can be better defined as emotional clarity.

Esteem is both internal and external. Esteem is really about feeling as though you matter. Without internal significance, external significance is impossible. For this material, we will equate esteem with significance. It is also in this level that significance brings service-based wealth and financial prosperity. Individuals who attain true internal and external significance find ease in attracting financial abundance.

Self-actualization can truly be felt when an individual feels purposeful and meaningful, as if they are utilizing the very best of themselves and are connected to everyone on the planet. This lines up with most spiritual teachings. When one reaches higher levels of purpose and connection in the world, spirituality increases, and so does self-actualization and fulfillment.

Are You A Victim?

Unless you are 100% sound in the choices you make that promote health, wealth, and love, you are not a victim. It’s no one else’s responsibility to provide you the peace, happiness, and joy you are seeking. It’s up to you.

The first section of this book covered how everything you want starts with one single decision. But you can’t stop there. It’s up to each of us to fully choose and remain aligned with our desires, and to understand that you can’t destroy and neglect yourself and experience lasting happiness.

It’s time to make a choice. Do you want your pain or freedom? Unless you are perfect in your choices, and none of us are, it’s time to drop the victim story. You’re never a victim.

Victims can grow, but choose not to. Own everything. Every choice you make either moves you toward your dreams or away from them. Don’t excuse your poor choices while giving up responsibility for yourself. That’ll keep you stuck.

You are never a victim.

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? Do you only make choices that serve you? What are the most prevalent self-destructive behaviors you choose and demonstrate?

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Try This!

Get clear on how your perfect day would enable and empower you to create the health, wealth, love, and career you desire. How do you treat your body? How do you show up in your relationships? How do you create wealth? What activities in your current life must you replace with healthier habits to create this life? Why are you waiting?

Chapter 5

The World Is A Mirror My Battle

I never really thought much about myself. From a young age, I was bullied, neglected, abandoned, and even molested. I struggled to feel like I was as relevant and significant as everyone else. The insignificance I felt as a child chased me into adulthood, and into the Marine Corps and every executive position I held.

I felt an extreme sense of codependency, which basically means I was a people pleaser. I could not say no to anyone for fear of losing their love and support. My main goal was to get people to accept me, so I had no healthy boundaries for myself. My entire life revolved around trying to gain acceptance from others because I lacked any acceptance for myself.

I felt abandoned by friends, family, and anyone else who I wanted to love me. I expected betrayal, so I found it everywhere. I expected to be hurt, so I was hurt by everyone. My entire life was full of pain and suffering because I rejected myself.

Whenever I had a beer I would feel the numbing sensation of the alcohol, and with each beer I would feel more and more normal, then more and more numb, then eventually unconscious. The next morning when I woke up, I felt guilt and shame, and the insignificance would begin again.

I waged war with myself and the world until I learned to heal.

The Inside Creates The Outside

When a child cannot count on those closest to them to help build their self-worth and self-esteem, they chase a sense of significance for the rest of their lives. When a human being is living in the suffering and pain of low self-worth and self-esteem, they often look outside for the significance they crave. When a person is in pain internally, there’s no way to heal their internal wound through external attainment or validation. All significance must come from within.

Whatever you feel about yourself internally, you’ll eventually experience in your life externally. The world is a mirror for you. What you believe will show up and how you feel

about yourself will be validated. You cannot heal outside-in. You must begin by acknowledging internal feelings and suffering, identify the root of those issues, and begin healing through acknowledgment and processing.

Suppression, repression, or trying to escape your feelings and suffering will only keep them around longer, and eventually make them even more powerful. To heal your pain, you must feel your pain. Your body can process any suffering and trauma, and that takes leaning into it and allowing it to naturally resolve. The body is an amazing gift and possesses everything you need to let go of the trapped pain and emotion.

Until you resolve the inner conflicts you experience, you’ll continue to find validation and evidence of your pain in the world. As soon as you are willing to feel it and heal your state, your outer world will begin to reflect the new level of healing.

Healing

As I resolved trauma after trauma, and painful experience after painful experience through meditation, emotional freedom techniques (EFT), Reiki, and other healing modalities, I began to experience higher states of peace, joy, and happiness. As I let go of the pain and suffering of the past, I felt more and more significant. As I felt more internal significance, I accepted myself even more.

As I accepted myself more, I found more external acceptance as well. Because of an increased internal feeling of significance, I filed for divorce from Angie when she was still abusive. Up to that point, I felt that I had deserved the conflict and pain, but as my internal significance increased, I wouldn’t allow anyone to attack me, manipulate me, or coerce me into anything that didn’t align with my highest good.

It’s this same increased significance that began attracting prospects to coach with me, and helped me launch my coaching business. It was effortless once I began to feel internal significance. I do not believe in “fake it until you make it.” I think that is garbage advice. I subscribe to “heal it until you feel it.”

The world sees you at the level of significance that you see yourself. To attain higher levels of external significance, the work is not in connecting with people. The work is in connecting with yourself. Once you connect with yourself, what you desire will come effortlessly and naturally.

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? How do you feel about yourself? What are the most common judgements you make about your worth, value, and significance?

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Try This!

With the question you answered above, take an inventory of how this has shown up in your life. Who has helped convince you this is true? What evidence have you witnessed that proved you right? Assess whether that evidence was there, or if you projected what you felt about yourself onto the perceptions of others. Did you create it all?

Chapter 6

Growth Is Involuntary Are You Holding On To Your Pain?

The only way you stop growing is if you intentionally prevent it. Did you know that your body is constantly renewing itself and has the capability of repairing and healing itself? The body is an amazing and resilient structure. If you are not healthy, it’s because you are preventing health with your current choices, beliefs, and emotional state.

Every aspect of you — the physical, mental, emotional, social, relational, financial, and even spiritual — are in a constant state of evolution and growth. You are not the same human being you were yesterday. If you chose to let go of your current life tomorrow, everything would shift and new outcomes would emerge, aligned with your new level of awareness. But it’s the letting go that’s the hard part.

We cling and grasp to our current life. Even though our entire being is trying to evolve minute by minute, we wouldn’t know it by looking at most people because they attach and hold on to their identity, their circumstances, and the people in their lives who often expect them to stay the same.

In some cases, we might feel that holding on to circumstances that serve us is ok, since those circumstances likely enable us to experience the feelings and emotions we desire. But we often hold onto things we’ve already outgrown — relationships, habits, identities, roles, careers — which just continues to cause us increasing amounts of pain.

My Old Tribe, My New Tribe

When I was in my toxic chaos of drinking heavily and treating my body like it was meaningless, I had a tribe of people in my life who were just like me. My old Marine Corps buddies would call frequently, and we’d spend hours on the phone reminiscing, drinking together, and taking pride in how drunk we were getting. These people were not the exception in my life, but the norm. Pain attracts pain, and like attracts like.

When I stopped drinking I had to look around me and see who would be my greatest source of support for my sobriety and new lifestyle. I was surrounded by family and friends alike who encouraged and celebrated self-destruction. I couldn’t become the person I wanted to become while I was surrounded by the same people who helped me get where I was.

An old mentor introduced this concept to me: L.O.V.E. stands for letting others voluntarily evolve. This essentially means that letting go of others without judgement so that they can live their lives while you live yours is the most loving thing you can do for all involved.

When I was deciding who I wanted in my life, I had conversations with some of my family and friends about the new life I was creating, and some I just let go of out of L.O.V.E. I completely cut off contact with a number of people who I knew would try to drag me back into my old lifestyle because it’s all we had in common. I had to be very selective in who I allowed to remain in my life.

There’s a great metaphor for this. It’s called the crab and the crab pot. When a crab realizes that there’s bait in a pot it moves toward and into the pot. When the rest of the crabs realize where the crab is going, they follow it in. After they eat the bait, the first crab tries to exit the pot, but the now trapped crabs don’t know how to escape, so they try to pull the crab back in. Misery loves company, and oftentimes the people in your life who feel like they can’t escape circumstances will try to keep you embroiled in pain. You’ll need to be firm in choosing growth of these people.

Jim Rohn, a celebrated speaker and author, said, “you are the average of the top 5 people you spend the most time with.” To grow, you might need to change the people in your life.

It has been three-and-a-half years since my journey began, and I do not allow toxic people into my life. I have a tribe of growth-oriented servant leaders — people who grow themselves daily so that they can serve society at higher levels. Most of my tribe are entrepreneurs, and I spend as much time as possible with my millionaire, entrepreneur friends. When you hang out with those who have what you want, you’re more likely to achieve it.

Don’t Be Afraid To Outgrow Your Life

When you choose to embrace and achieve the life you desire, you must realize that if you were capable of having that right now, you would. In order to realize a new life, you must become the person capable of creating that life. That takes becoming a whole new version of you. The current you got you here. The current you is not equipped for creating more than you have right now. You must grow.

In order to grow, you will need to let go of beliefs, habits, behaviors, and even people that you cling to right now. Since we are constantly in a state of growth, holding onto things that don’t promote growth is the only reason we get stuck. Growth is involuntary as the universe is constantly bringing experiences and opportunities to you to step into higher levels that are more aligned with your desires. And, sometimes, all it takes is letting go of what no longer serves, while selecting things that do serve your growth and evolution. This might seem like a big task. But honestly, the hardest part for me wasn’t adopting new habits, it was letting go of the identity I had invested in the old ones.

The process of growth is involuntarily. Just embrace what’s natural. It’s not growth that creates pain, but clinging, and when one of us grows, it benefits us all. So do us all a favor and let go of what no longer serves. It’s the most loving thing you can do for yourself and everyone else — even if they are the ones fighting you to stay small.

Choose growth over comfort. Always.

Are You Showing Up For Yourself? What parts of your current life are you most afraid of outgrowing? Are you more afraid of loss, or that something better will not replace it?

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Try This!

Go through an entire day and do only things that allow you to grow. Identify what is currently in your life that creates resistance. Create a plan to choose growth over comfort.

Chapter 7

The Path Forward Start Where You Are

If you have read this document, it’s because you want to grow. If you are growth-oriented, there are some typical human resistances that you will have to manage: the fear of the unknown in the choice for a new life, the beliefs and feelings of ourselves that we hold, feeling worthy of our desires, overcoming the victim mentality, and releasing the comfort of holding on to a life that no longer serves.

We all crave more, better, and a life aligned with our deepest desires and unique nature. You are not broken because you desire more, in fact, you are healthier than those who are apathetic about life.

I received signals for years to grow beyond my current state, but I held on out of fear. The pain didn’t lessen, it got worse. If you are feeling like you are ready for more, it’s because you are. Holding onto your current state will just increase your pain over time.

If you are getting the signal that your life needs an adjustment, choose. Act. Realign. You are human, and that’s part of being a human. It’s never too late, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

There are two best times to plant an oak tree. 50 years ago, and today. One gives you shade now, one will give you shade with time. Both give you shade. It’s just a matter of planting the seed. Without the seed, the tree will not grow.

It’s certainly time to grow.

Are You Ready To Step Into Your Power?

If you would be open to support on your journey, I’d love the opportunity to support you in some way. We’d move into alignment with where you are meant to be — your soul’s power. I offer you my support, now it’s your decision whether you reach out. Just like any good guide, I know the way. You just need to make the first move. I’m ready. Are you?

About Mike

Mike Kitko

Executive Self-Mastery Coach, Business Advisor, Speaker, Author

www.mikekitko.com

mike@mikekitko.com

Mike Kitko is an Executive Self-Mastery Coach, Business Advisor, Speaker, and Author. He found external success in the world through attaining powerful titles, incomes, and material possessions. He ultimately fell into depression, alcoholism, and the near collapse of his family before he began a journey of internal happiness. Mike now coaches Executive Leaders to feel as powerful on the inside as they appear on the outside.