Lesson 1: THE PROBLEM IS HOW YOU EXPRESS YOUR ANGER!€¦ · · 2010-12-29Lesson 1: THE PROBLEM IS HOW YOU EXPRESS YOUR ANGER! •That is what we will be working on in this course….How

Lesson 1: THE PROBLEM ISHOW YOU EXPRESS YOUR ANGER!

• That is what we will be working on in this course….How to express your anger.

• By the time we complete the course, you will have tools and insight you need to express your anger in ways that are healthier and more helpful to you.

• This will make life safer and more comfortable for you.

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One Page Essay—What situations of uncontrollable anger have you

acted out in the last week? How did you see the problem?

Citations for the Anger Management Lessons• American Psychiatric Association, (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health

Disorders, 4th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. 1994.

• Beck, R. and Fernandez, E. (1998). Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in treatment of anger, Cognitive Therapy and Research, 22, 63-74.

• Edwards, Henry (2000). Psychopharmacological Considerations in Anger Management. Springer Publishing Co., New York.

• Edmondson, C. B. and Conger, J. C. (1996). A review of treatment efficacy for individuals with anger problems, Clinical Psychology Review, 10, 251-275.

• Ellis, A. (1979). Rational-emotive therapy: Corsini, R. (Ed.), Current Psychotherapies (pp. 185-229). Itasca, II: Peacock Publishers.

• Nadler, Ruby, Anger Management Relationships, Psychological Science 2010; 21: 1770-1776.

• Reilly, P. M.; Shopshire, M.S.; Durazzo, T. C.; and Campbell, T. A. (2002). Anger Management for Substance Abuse and Mental Health Clients: Rockville, MD: Center for Substance Abuse Treatment.

• Robinson, T. R. Smith, S. W. & Miller, M. D. (2002) Behavioral Disorders, 27(3), 256-271.

• Straus, M.; Gelles, R.; and Steinmetz, S. (1980). Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family. Garden City, NY: Doubleday.

• Walker, L. (1979). The Battered Woman. New York: Harper & Row.


The more you do what you always

did, the more you get what you

always got.

• If you are tired of getting what you have always gotten, this is the best opportunity you may ever have to learn how to do some things differently, and get better---MUCH better ---results.

• (Write 3 Paragraphs—How tired of you with your life being full of irritation or chaos?)


THE INVISIBLE EPIDEMIC

Our culture is being overwhelmed by:*Road Rage*Child Abuse*Spouse Abuse*Conflicts on the job*Violence at the Workplace*Violent outbursts at sporting events*Assaults on students*Assaults on teachers*Assault on Family Members

We want to find ways to identify anger before it gets out of hand.Which one of the above aggression situations have you seen or been a

part of the situation? Write a one page essay and discuss with the counselor this week.


We all get angry at times, and when we do, we think

we have good reasons for doing so.

• Let’s evaluate the cost:

• Relationship costs

• Workplace costs

• Legal costs

• Emotional costs

• Physical costs

• So anger out of control is costly regardless

of whose fault it is or when and were anger

might be “justified.”12/28/2010 c 2009 EVA GREGORY, LCDC 9412 5

What did your anger cost you?

Write a one page essay and

discuss with the counselor this

week.

TEACH YOURSELF TOMEASURE THE ANGRY EMOTION

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4

3

2

1

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4

When YOU get to 4, take actions to redirect. #4 means you will not be kicking,

hitting or tearing up some else’s property.

Anger is okay if controlled. Uncontrolled anger is not acceptable.

At what level do you go in your anger situations? Explain in a one page essay

and discuss with the counselor.

What is your anger control plan?


• 1. What are your “hot” buttons?

• (Insecurity, super-ego, loss of power, defending your personality)

• 2. What can you do to prevent your uncontrollable behavior?

Please write a one page essay explaining your answers. How many hot buttons do

you have? Be ready to defend in a discussion with counselor.

IMPACT ON PERSONAL HEALTH AND WELL BEING.

Anger managed incorrectly can give you more than busted lips and bruised knuckles.

Your body functions are effected. Increase in systolic blood pressure, Increase in heart rate. Your digestive system shuts down. Your chemistry in your brain is altered. Inability to use your brain’s normal reasoning process.


In Your incident, what did you hurt? Write 3 paragraphs to

explain.

• 1st coping skill:

• You know that count-to-ten thing you always heard

about? It really is a fact! It gives your reasoning

centers a chance to catch up with your Amygdala and

maybe keep you from doing something stupid.


Write a one page essay stating the coping skills you have been

using when you get angry. Discuss with the counselor.

Meet Your Amygdala• Your brain’s early warning system.

• Teach you to count to ten.

• Let your brain calm down.

12/28/2010 10c 2009 EVA GREGORY, LCDC 9412

How are you going to calm

your brain down? Write 3

paragraphs and discuss with

counselor.

Anger reaction checklist

• Write your physical reactions or sensations that often accompany your onset of anger:

• Muscle tension, fists clenching, jaw tightening, tightness in chest or shoulders;

• Increase heart rate—pounding out of your chest;• Difficulty concentrating or completing a sentence.• Sudden headache;• Tears coming out of eyes;• Dizziness;• Nausea or sudden urge to use the bathroom;• Difficulty speaking in anything except a strained, harsh tone.


What are your personal sensations? Write 3 paragraphs to

discuss.

Link between Anger and illness

M. D. Anderson has done studies that show excessive anger changes the cells. The change of the cells has been linked to cancer.

Instead of the fluid flowing from one cell to the other, anger causes the fluid to crystallize.

Excessive anger is linked with depression.

Excessive anger inspires addictions.

Addiction is anything you use to get a temporary reduction in your perceived level of emotional pain.


What emotional pain are you trying to reduce with your outburst? Write

a one page essay and discuss with the counselor.

Understanding Anger• Anger is a NEUTRAL emotion—it is not automatically right or

wrong, good or bad.

• Anger is the secondary emotion.

• Anger is the emotional reaction to a stronger and deeper emotion that got there first.

• The PRIMARY emotion is FEAR. (POWER LOSS, PUT-DOWN,

• LOSS OF_________, personal perception of HURT.

• .


Check your Anger Gage

• ANGER TRIGGERS FEAR OF SOMETHING AT SOME LEVEL.

• WHEN ANGER RISES, TREAT IT AS AN

• INDICATOR—YOUR OIL PRESSURE LIGHT. THE LIGHT IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING IS WRONG. IT IS SAYING

• THAT YOU ARE VERY HURT, WORRIED OR AFRAID ABOUT SOMETHING.

• WHATEVER IT IS, YOU NEED TO FACE IT AND FIX IT WITHOUT LETTING YOUR ANGER BECOMING UNCONTROLABLE.


Who holds you accountable for your outburst? Give examples and

the relationship of the people. Write a one page essay and discuss

with counselor.

TWO IMPORTANT POINTSABOUT ANGER

• 1: FEELINGS OF ANGER ARE NORMAL AND UNAVOIDABLE. Anger is a valuable tool you need to get you through life.

• Anger, by itself, is NOT THE PROBLEM.

• 2: It is the inappropriate expression of anger that causes problems. When you CHOSE to use anger for POWER TO CONTROL and TO ABUSE and DISRESPECT others, that is where the trouble starts.


Who have you violated with your anger outbursts? Write a one page

essay.

EMPATHY

• Is to STRESS SPECIAL IMPORTANCE TO THE FEELINGS OF ANOTHER.

• Our ability to know how we are feeling as well our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help to make positive connections with others.

• This ability is a LEARNED characteristic.


Give an example of the last time you showed empathy. Write 3

paragraphs and discuss with counselor.

To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with ears

of another, to feel with the heart of another.

• It is the ability to fully immerse oneself in another’s viewpoint, yet be able to remain wholly apart.

• Empathy is important in the world because lack of it leads to poor communication and failing to understand the social interactions around us.

• Without empathy we lack the ability to anticipate the behavior of others.

•


In a one page essay, tell us about your empathy.

How can you learn to be more empathetic?

• Empathy is built through increased awareness of yourself.

• Learn your emotions.

• Learn why you have those emotions in certain situations.

• Learn the secondary emotion.

• Learn how to deal the issue behind the secondary emotion.

• You will find as you increase your empathy ability that you will find it more and more difficult to allow yourself to be bothered by others actions or words.

• What are the two statements that others say that bother you? What two actions that others have that bother you?

• Write one page essay and discuss with counselor.


EXPRESSIONS OF EMOTION

• The origin of how to express or not to express emotion is often passed down from parents, guardians or caregivers of children. Many individuals often express, or lack the ability to express emotion based on how they learned to do so in childhood.

• It is CRUCIAL to express emotion in order to relate to those around you.

• These individuals lack the ability to show empathy.

• Remember, empathy is learned through the modeling of those people’s behavior around you during childhood.


Characteristic of Empathy

• Your ability to know how you are feeling as well as your ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around you is called the characteristic of empathy.

• Those who have been neglected, abused or emotionally injured in childhood, may have developed narcissistic or self focused defense mechanism.

•

12/28/2010What type of empathy did your parents show? Write 3 Paragraphs & Discuss.c 2009 EVA GREGORY, LCDC 9412 20

Emotions allow color to life.• LOVE: emotions allow you to grow in love.

• Emotions are also the stuff of poetry, art, and music.

• Emotions fill you with a sense of connection to others.

• Emotions make life worth living.

• How you experience the world, relate to others, and find meaning in life are dependent upon how you REGULATE your emotions.



TEACH YOURSELF THE ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND AND REGULATE YOUR EMOTIONS.YOU WILL THEN HAVE A SENSE AND UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONS OF OTHERS AROUND YOU----1. What have they really said? 2. What do they really mean? 3. What is their intention? 4. Do they really have a hidden agenda? 5. Are they putting your best interest first?

(For two close friends, answer the above questions and discuss with the counselor.

Emotional Intelligence Quota“EIQ”

What is your EIQ?Emotional Intelligence Quota is the percentage

of awareness you have about your emotions and the other person’s emotions and the ability to assertively manage these emotions.

Research shows that persons with high “EIQ” excel in leadership, sales, academic performance, marriage, friendships and over all health.Two of the most important traits associated with

emotional intelligence are empathy and social awareness.


What would rate your EIQ on a scale of 1 to 10—1 being none and 10 Excellent?

Why Social Awareness is important

• To have insight on the impact you have on others.

• To understand why your behavior is turning off others.

• To view what the main message you are delivering to other people as seen from their eyes.

• Ask your self:

• How am I looking right now?

• How am I being seen from the viewpoint of other people?

• Is the message I am delivering the same one as they are receiving?


Write a one page essay on “How you are looking; Other

people’s viewpoint of you; what message are you giving;

what message are other people getting from you?”

• THINK BEFORE YOU FEEL

• COPING SKILL #2: Visualize a stop sign…..

• S= stand still• T= think

• O= observe people, places and things around you

• P = plan for a positive outcome.


FILTERS INFLUENCING WHAT WE HEAR.

• FILTER NO. 1:• “THE RIGHT/WRONG” FILTER.

• YOU LISTEN FOR EVIDENCE THAT

WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS SAYING

IS WRONG AND YOU ARE

RIGHT.• Maybe you feel that others are “right”

and you are wrong all the time.


FILTER NO. 2 – “LOVED/NOT LOVED”Do they still love me? Are they going to leave me? Will they end my employment?

How can I belong?


FILTER NO. 3: CRITICISM/PUT-DOWN

• ANY COMPLAINT OR PROBLEM THE OTHER PERSON HAS IS HEARD AS A PERSONAL PUT-

DOWN OR CRITICISM.

• The other person may

just be brainstorming.


FILTER NO. 4 – “WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY NEXT?”

• YOUR REAL GOAL WITH THIS TYPE OF LISTENING IS TO “ONE-UP” THE OTHER PERSON, TO PROMOTE YOUR SELF-

INTEREST.


COMMUNICATION

• Using “I” messages (This means learning to express how you feel and what your personal need is.) Put away the “YOU”>>>

• 1. You have to listen to me

• Change message: I feel confused when you don’t validate what I am saying to you. I feel a need to have more open communication.

• 2. You better come home straight after work.

• Change message: I feel unhappy and disrespected when you don’t come home after work because I feel you place being with others more important than being with me and I miss you.


Giving unrequested advise….

• “What I would do is….

• or

• It would be best if you…..

• Change the message:

• I feel happy when I think about you doing ___________ for I did that when I was in the same situation and had very positive results.


MORAL JUDGING…..

• “You are bad…lazy….no good.”

• “You will never save any money.”

• Change Message:

• I feel sad when I see you not completing important

tasks because I feel that you are not motivated, and

you can do more and better things.

• Have you had someone to say moral judging statements to you?

• Write 3 paragraphs detailing the experience and discuss with

counselor.


Playing shrink……

• “You are just trying to get attention….I know what you need….

• Change message:• I feel confused when I see you __________. What is

your message to me?• I feel you hurting when you _______ and I am not

understanding what you need. I don’t know what you need to do, however, I feel sad about what you are showing by your behavior.

• (What was your first car?)


Being a district attorney……

• Asking irritating questions such as» Why?

» What?

» When?

» How?

» Who?

» This is telling others that you have all the answers.

» CHANGE THE MESSAGE:

» I feel inadequate with the information you have given me. I feel that I lack information to make an informed reply to you.


EMPATHIC NON-VERABAL COMMUNICATION

• Facial expressions: Researchers have found that 43 muscles create 10,000 visible facial configurations of which 3000 are meaningful in terms of expressing emotions.

• The language of your emotions is spoken by your face.

• These emotional expressions are universal and do not depend on any particular learning or culture that you are in.

• Emotional expression help to unite people as a common thread among all human beings.


Touch…

• The right touch at the right time can remove mountains---even though it last only seconds.

• Touch can be powerful, trusted way to communicate your feelings and also that you understand how someone else feels.

• Be careful in using touch….the other person may have been abuse, inability to trust others, having an emotional need for more physical space from another person.

• ALWAYS ASK….before touching an individual and touch in an appropriate way…the hand, the shoulder, or a high five.

• End of Lesson One. Remember, make notes for the final EXAM.


Lesson 1 review testPrint Out and answer.

• 1. Name two ways our culture expresses “out of control” anger.

• ____________________________________________________

• 2. Name two cost of out of control anger.______________________________________________

• 3. Name the first coping skill:__________________________________________________

• 4. Anger is a neutral emotion. True _______ False ______

• 5. anger is the secondary emotion. True _____ False _____

• 6. Empathy is a learned characteristic. True _____ False _____

• 7. What is coping skill no. 2?__________________________________________

• 8. Name two filters influencing what we hear:___________________________________

• 9. What is an “I message”? __________________________________

• 10. Give an example of a moral judging:____________________________

• Name:_______________________________________________SPN#_____________________

• CELL PHONE:___________________Probation Officer:_____________________

• Probation Officer’s Fax No.:__________________________.


Documents

Lesson 1: THE PROBLEM IS HOW YOU EXPRESS YOUR ANGER!€¦ · · 2010-12-29Lesson 1: THE PROBLEM IS HOW YOU EXPRESS YOUR ANGER! •That is what we will be working on in this course….How